Beijing Stories (Repost) 15

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Chapter Fifteen

It was an official but informal cocktail party, attended by many people I knew. I invited Lin Jingping to
come with me. Needless to say, it was another successful, respectable, and proud night. After the party, Lin Jingping wanted
some fresh air , so we went to the streets of Beijing. I put my arm around her waist and, without missing an opportunity, professed my love for her, just like a
couple deeply in love. No matter how much I loved her, even just a little, I could show it with
ten passion. But between Lan Yu and me, even with a heart full of love, I couldn't show it in the slightest. That night
, I took Lin to "Xiang Ge" (a pub). We chatted in the room first, and the waiter brought champagne. We
toasted to "friendship"... ... Driven by a man's desire to conquer, I decided to have her.

We kissed for a long time until I grew impatient, then I lifted her up by the waist. I gently
placed her on the bed and slowly undressed her. She was completely different from her usual elegant and confident self; instead, she
looked at me obediently, shyly, and gently. She let down her hair, her long, black, shiny curls
cascading onto the bed. I couldn't wait any longer. I grabbed her breasts and kneaded them vigorously, then lifted her
legs and thrust my penis inside. Strangely, I
could always hold my erection for a long time when I was with a woman. As I watched Lin Jingping experience wave after wave of orgasms, I
felt excited and happy...

"Handong!...No!...No! Oh! God!" she cried out excitedly, almost
crying...

I

finally reached my climax. But the whole process wasn't nearly as exciting as I had imagined.

Women need caressing after sex to achieve ultimate satisfaction. Jingping lay in my arms,
holding one of my hands and gently stroking it:

"I feel so stupid!" she said with a smile.

"You're the smartest girl I've ever met," I complimented her.

"That's the hundredth time I've said that to a woman, isn't it?" she still smiled.

“Actually, I used to be…”

Lin Jingping suddenly turned around and silenced me with a kiss, stopping me from continuing. She
kissed , then looked at me:

“Handong, you don’t need to tell me about your past, or even what you are like now, I don’t care. You just need
to know that there’s a girl named Lin Jingping who loves you.” She then turned and nestled into my arms
, looking straight ahead:

“What if one day you don’t like her anymore? Just tell her, ‘Go away! I’m annoyed with you.’
Even though loves you very much, she will definitely leave quietly.” She spoke, laughing, her face flushed red, and buried her face
in my chest again…

No matter what, I couldn’t help but be moved.

An important matter began to swirl in my mind: should I get married? My mother had
urged me to do this many times, especially after my father’s death, I felt an invisible pressure.

Lin Jingping, this girl from an ordinary family in the south, she seemed like a suitable wife for me.
Although came from a poor background, she was the kind of woman who could enter into a wealthy family; I really needed her in life and in my career
.

What about Lan Yu? Should I "support" him? Maintain our current relationship? He might not agree. Should
I just dump him? I couldn't do that.

Everything seemed like a coincidence, yet it was inevitable. I met Dr. Shi, a
professor particularly knowledgeable about homosexuality. He was the first "expert" on homosexuality I knew
, and the first time I learned about homosexuality "knowledge."

After a four-hour conversation, Professor Shi's final diagnosis was: I was a perfectly
normal man, just with mild homosexual tendencies; as long as I could break free from that boy,
marriage would be fine. The problem lay with Lan Yu. He suspected Lan Yu had delusions and promised to treat
him , helping me get rid of him.

I had to tell Lan Yu about my "major scientific discovery" and persuade him to get treatment. It would be difficult
, but I was determined to do it.

Neither Lan Yu nor I could cook, so we ate out. That day, on the way back from the restaurant, he talked to me
about job assignments. He talked about his department's student affairs office, academic affairs office, class advisor, Beijing residency quotas, and the design institute he
had already interviewed with. I listened with a sense of irritation, telling him I could get him a Beijing residency permit right away
.

"Lanyu, have you thought about what we'll do in the future?" I asked him.

"What do you mean?" He looked at me suspiciously as he drove.

"Don't you think it's abnormal for two men to be together?"

"..."

"Actually, it's a kind of mental issue. Sometimes people have a kind of illusion, like you...
like us, it's a kind of 'gender inversion'." I parroted him, trying to find the right words.

"I read some foreign information, they don't consider it an illness anymore, just a kind of...
I forgot the word, it's just that some people like women, but some people like men,
just ."

His words surprised me greatly. I always thought he had never considered these things:

"When did you read that?" I asked.

“Ever since the day I met you, I’ve been paying attention to articles on this topic.”

“Foreign sources? Humph! They have pornography abroad! And sexual liberation!” I retorted.

“That’s a medical report, very serious!”

“I think it’s a mental issue.” I couldn’t convince him, but I persisted.

“Ha! You mean we both have mental illness?” He laughed loudly.

“I don’t, you do! At least I’m willing to have sex with women, what about you?”

“I’ve never tried!” He sounded unsure.

“Have you ever liked girls? You don’t even like magazines like ‘Playboy’.”

“…”

“You completely see yourself as a girl!”

“I don’t!!” He retorted gruffly, as if insulted. My hand on the steering wheel trembled
.

“Drive carefully!” I paused for a moment and then asked, “Then why do you like men?”

He didn’t answer, and after a long while, said softly, “I only like you!”

Back home, neither of us spoke. But I persisted, telling him about
Professor Shi and urging him to seek treatment.

"I won't go!" he said firmly.

"You'll at least have to get married someday; it'll be good for you!"

"I won't get married!"

"Won't get married? You're twenty now, what about thirty, forty? How will you
stand on ?" The more I talked, the more I felt like his parent.

"..." Seeing his silence, I continued,

"Besides, don't you want your own child someday? Men have the responsibility to carry on the family line! You
'll feel that pressure then."

"I don't care! Nobody in my family cares! What pressure do I have?"

I forgot that he was different from me in this respect. I remembered something else:

"Doesn't your mother want you to be an upright man? You should try!"

I must have hit a nerve. After that, he didn't say anything more, which was considered an agreement. But just before going to bed,
he suddenly asked me,

"Do you want to break up with me?" "You're really biting the hand that feeds you! You're the one who wanted that!" I said

angrily . 　　During that time, Lan Yu was in a very bad mood. Although he didn't say anything, I knew he resented me for the treatment. He often came home very late, sometimes even staying at school. That day, he came back from Dr. Shi's, entered the house, and went straight upstairs without saying a word. 　　"Hey!" I called out to him. 　　"What did you do today?" I asked, referring to the treatment. 　　"Talking, looking at pictures, making me think," he said impatiently. 　　"What else?" 　　"If you're interested, you'll know if you try it yourself!" He then went upstairs to the bedroom. 　　That night, I wanted to have sex with him. He masturbated and gave me oral sex, and I had already orgasmed, but he showed no interest. 　　In the middle of the night, I was woken up by his sleep talking. I nudged him and called his name, and he finally quieted down and went back to sleep . He did this for several nights in a row. 　　He was in a bad mood, even had a poor appetite, looked more depressed, listless, and even a little thin . I asked him how the treatment felt, and he said he felt nothing. 　　I called Professor Shi to ask about Lan Yu's situation. He told me that Lan Yu was not cooperating at all with the treatment . He said Lan Yu was not only sexually abnormal, but also suffered from severe depression and was a paranoid 　　... " 　　The first course of treatment wasn't effective. For the next course, I think we could try hormone injections, which could help him..." the doctor went on and on. 　　"No! We can't do that!" I couldn't accept injecting drugs into a healthy person. 　　"There are other methods, such as showing him pictures of naked men, or even your photos , and then simultaneously subjecting him to some kind of stimulation to create a painful conditioned reflex... "　　　"What kind of stimulation?" I asked. 　　"Like a mild electric shock..."　　　　　"No! Absolutely not!" I flatly refused. 　　Whether Professor Shi felt a strong sense of urgency about the social harm of homosexuality or felt bad about my high consultation fee, he insisted on giving me some advice, but I didn't listen. 　　I kept thinking about the professor's "scientific explanation." I remembered that during our first conversation, he asked me: Did I just want to seek thrills or was I in love with the boy? I said I just wanted to have fun. He said it didn't matter; it just meant my attitude towards life wasn't serious, and I wasn't a true homosexual. If that the logic, then playing around with those girls meant I wasn't serious, and falling in love with them meant I was heterosexual . But I haven't truly loved any woman yet, so what am I? 　　I thought of his theory that Lan Yu saw himself as a girl. Lan Yu did have some womanly attachment to me; he was sensitive, meticulous, and obedient. But in other aspects, I saw more of his self-respect, independence , tenacity, and even courage—qualities not exclusive to women. 　　I decided to call Lan Yu and tell him to come to my company; I wanted to play pool that evening. He first said he was busy and couldn't get away, then said he wasn't feeling well and wanted to sleep at home, but he eventually came. 　　"Where are you going?" he asked, plopping down on the sofa in my office. He frowned . 　　"Where do you want to go?" I asked. 　　"Anywhere!" he said lazily, leaning back on the sofa and looking at me. 　　"Are you going to Professor Shi's tomorrow?" I asked. 　　"It's the day after tomorrow!" 　　"I'm not going, okay?" I asked, looking at him intently. 　　"Why?" He looked at me suspiciously. 　　"No reason, I'm never going again! I can't bear to see you suffer like this!"　　　　He looked at me, slowly smiled, and suddenly leaped off the sofa, pounced on me, and desperately hugged and kissed me. 　　"Are you crazy?! This is my office!" I whispered, laughing as I stopped him. 　　... 　　That absurd treatment ended just like that. Lan Yu regained his original energetic and radiant smile. His affection for me seemed even deeper than before, but this made me even more worried.

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