Super classic dirty jokes [Full text]

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1) The most popular classic joke at the dinner table, everyone must remember and use it! 82ay("zy
A beautiful female writer asked a charming editor (named Cao Yingchang, note: there is indeed a person with this name, I even know him) to review her manuscript. Cao Yingchang

glanced at the beauty and smiled, saying: The upper part is quite full, and the two points are prominent, but unfortunately the lower part is a bit unkempt, and there is a hole, too much water. The beauty asked
anxiously : What should we do then? Cao Yingchang replied: We'll talk about it later!

2) A man took a prescription from a female doctor and wandered around for a long time before returning to ask: "Where exactly is the 13-ultrasound?" The female doctor smiled and said: "It's not 13-ultrasound, it's B-ultrasound."
The man angrily exclaimed, "Damn, your 'b' is way too far apart!"
3) The world's shortest and most classic dirty joke (Can everyone immediately recall it?) In the office, a beautiful woman asked a male colleague to tell her a short but meaningful dirty joke. After pondering for a moment, the male colleague said the classic eight words: "I am the farmer, you are the midday sun..."
4) Not even as good as a penis! During the counterattack against Vietnam, a regimental commander fought bravely but unfortunately had his penis blown off by a stray bullet. Upon hearing the news of the commander's injury, the villagers rushed to the hospital to offer their condolences. Of course, this was a difficult matter to discuss; the commander didn't let them know the extent of his injury, only saying it was a minor scratch and he would be discharged soon. The villagers went home reassured
. The commander's wife, young and beautiful, with her desires at their peak, knew the extent of his injury. Thinking about it, she couldn't help but cry sadly. The regimental commander, understanding people's
feelings, patiently comforted her: "Mom, don't cry. The child has grown up. I've tried everything for you these past few years, what more do you want? Look
, I've been promoted to division commander, and even after transferring to civilian life, I'll be a high-ranking official. Is a high-ranking official less important than a penis?"

5) Ah...oh...harder...you...you've made me feel good...I'll make you a pair of cloth shoes!
There was a small mountain village, and a couple. The woman was beautiful, the man wasn't good-looking, and the woman was very flirtatious. She started having an affair with a young man in the village.
Her husband gradually became aware of it, but couldn't find any evidence. One day, he finally came up with a plan. He pretended to go visiting relatives, saying he wouldn't be home that night. His wife saw this and invited her lover to her house that night. While they were having sex, the man secretly sneaked to the back window of his house, and even gathered
a group of his brothers to catch them in the act! Inside the room, the two were panting heavily as they made love. The woman was enjoying herself, moaning, "Ah...oh...ah...oh...harder...harder...you're making me feel so good...I'll make you a pair of cloth shoes..." Her husband, hearing this from outside, was

furious! He stood up and yelled into the room, "Go for it! Fuck her to death! Fuck her to death and I'll buy you a pair of leather shoes!!"
6) The Chinese Football Team and Sex Product Advertisement (Super Classic) After the Chinese football team's defeat, a manufacturer of "Powerful Longevity Pills" hired a member of the national team, "l" "x," to do an advertisement. The scene was: holding a football in his left hand, pointing at the screen with his right hand, saying, "Who can go more than 90 minutes without shooting? I can!"
A condom manufacturer, inspired by the "Powerful Longevity Pills" advertisement, also hired a group of players from the national team to do an
advertisement. The scene was: all the players bombarding the goal, with the tagline: "No matter how many times you shoot, if it doesn't go in, it doesn't go in!!!" The manufacturers of birth control pills wanted to jump on the bandwagon, but their pills were for women, so what could they do?!
However, after analysis, they found a solution. After three days and nights of deep thought, they finally came up with a plan: have a referee who was known for biased
officiating dress in black, blow his whistle, make a gesture, and arrogantly declare, "No matter how many shots go in, they don't count!"
7) Female soldiers disguised as male soldiers should ideally not menstruate!
A female soldier disguised as a male soldier suddenly menstruated, bleeding from her crotch. The company commander, seeing this, hurriedly asked, "What happened? Where are you injured?" The female soldier said, "It's nothing
, it's nothing." The company commander didn't believe her and forcibly pulled down her pants! He angrily exclaimed, "His penis has been blown off! And you say it's nothing!"
8) The climax has arrived. I'll call Mr. Wang to take the bus to the climax town in a certain city. Because he had never been there before, he started asking the female ticket seller after just two stops, "Has the climax arrived yet?" The female ticket seller replied, "No." After two more stops, Mr. Wang asked again, "Has the climax arrived yet?" The female ticket seller replied, "No."
A few minutes , Mr. Wang asked again, "Has the climax arrived yet?" At this point, the female ticket seller was really impatient. She loudly replied, "When the climax arrives, I will shout!" As soon as she finished speaking, everyone was shocked. All eyes turned to the female ticket seller.

9) After dinner, the leader inspected the 'Jiangyin Wool Textile Factory'. When he arrived at the neon sign of the factory at the gate, unfortunately, there was a circuit malfunction, and the first character 'Jiang' was not lit. The leader could only see the last five characters, so he asked the factory director with concern: "Are the raw materials easy to obtain?"
10) A row of prostitutes were waiting for customers on the street. An octogenarian woman saw them and asked curiously, "What are you waiting for?" The prostitutes replied irritably, "Waiting for lollipops!" The old woman joined the queue to wait for candy, but was caught and asked, "You don't even have any teeth, how can you do this?" An old woman laughed and said: "I can lick it."
11) A young man on a bus saw a beautiful woman with a very low neckline, revealing her cleavage. He joked, "What a place where peach blossoms bloom!" The beautiful woman

, upon hearing this, lifted her skirt and said, "And the place where you were born and raised!"
12) A young lady ordered stir-fried dog penis at a restaurant. While picking up the food, she accidentally dropped it between her legs. The lady was shocked: "This thing is amazing! Even after being cooked and chopped up, it...
still knows its way!"
13) Kindergarten teacher Xiao Fang pointed to the pinyin "m, a, y, d, b" on the blackboard and tested the children. The children said in the most standard pronunciation: "Mo-Ayi-de-bo!"

14) Seven female hooligans (I'm sure no one would let these girls go, haha!)
First, once when our class went to Hangzhou, we saw the release pond in front of Jingci Temple (a pond with countless turtles). Seeing the turtles with

only their heads above the water, the cute girl excitedly exclaimed, "Wow! So many turtle heads!!!" My male classmates and I laughed so hard we almost fainted. The girl's

face immediately turned bright red...
Second, one day, I brought my newly bought laptop to computer class. A female classmate came over to admire the machine. After looking at the machine, she looked at the laptop bag
and
then suddenly said, "Your foreskin is so soft!" I was shocked and speechless. She then said, "Let me open it and take a look

." I immediately vomited blood and lost consciousness. Third: In high school, two girls in my class were arguing. One of them angrily said, "I'll fuck you!" The other said, "What the hell are you fucking for! You're the one who gets fucked!" -
Fourth: One day, I was playing CS in an internet cafe. There weren't many people. A girl sitting across from me was probably on voice chat, and she was talking very loudly. A little while later, she and the other person

started arguing and swearing at each other. At first, it was just some vulgar language, and I didn't pay much attention, continuing to play CS... Two minutes later, the girl shouted, "
If you keep being so arrogant, I'll crush you with my penis!"... Everyone in the internet cafe burst out laughing...
Fifth: Once, I was chatting with a girl on the phone, and we talked about the word "日" (rì). I was a little embarrassed and said that "日" meant "ml" (méi). The girl said very loudly: "日" doesn't mean sex, it means fuck! Fuck and sex are different!!!"
Sixth: A few of us were playing cards. One of the girls (a pretty girl), younger than us, was acting older, constantly calling us "little brother."
Once, I said something to my friend that angered her. She snapped, "...I'll peel the skin off your little brother!" Everyone was speechless! Seventh: Also during a card game, a handsome guy mentioned his brother. A girl (beautiful) next to him was very surprised and asked, "You have an older brother
?" The handsome guy replied, "Yes..." The girl then asked, "Do you have a little brother down there?" Everyone collapsed in laughter!
15) A female underground worker was arrested and forced to write a letter to lure the commander. The female underground worker had no choice but to write. After writing the whole letter, she secretly plucked a few pubic hairs. After reading the whole letter, the commander smelled the pubic hairs, looked at them, pondered deeply, and suddenly realized: It
was a conspiracy!
16) For men only: A beautiful girl accidentally tore her swimsuit when she ran into the swimming pool. All the boys stared at her. At this moment, the pretty girl walked along the edge of the pool and noticed

something was amiss. She grabbed a sign and instinctively covered her private parts... The boys burst into laughter! The pretty girl found it strange, then noticed the sign said "Men Only" and quickly changed it. But when she changed it, the boys laughed even louder... because the sign actually said "Two Meters Deep Here!"

17) Picking one's nose (laughs wildly) One day, a son went to his father and asked: "Dad, why does it seem like women feel more comfortable when they have sex?"
Dad: "Think about it, when you pick your nose with your finger, is it more comfortable for your nose or your hand?
" Son: "Then why do they seem to be in pain when they are raped?"
Dad: "Think about it, if you were walking down the street and someone came up and picked your nose, would you feel comfortable?" Son: "Then why don't men like to wear condoms?"
Dad: "Do you like to wear gloves when picking your nose?" Son: "Then why don't women have sex when they are menstruating?" Dad: "Would you pick your nose when you have a nosebleed?"
18) The female doctor blushes (classic)

A beautiful female doctor is very popular with male patients in the hospital. She has many romantic and wealthy suitors, and of course, she also encounters a lot of sexual harassment... One
day, after Mr. Chen had an infertility test at the hospital, the beautiful female doctor wanted to check if Mr. Chen's sperm count had decreased. She gave him a
small sealed glass jar and asked him to go home and bring some samples. The next day, Mr.
Chen returned, but the female doctor found the glass jar still empty. Mr. Chen explained, "Yesterday, I tried with my right hand for a long time, but nothing happened. I tried with my left hand, but still no luck. I asked my wife for help, and she tried with both hands, but that didn't work either. I even asked her to use her mouth, but that didn't work either." The female doctor blushed deeply.
Mr. Chen continued, "My cousin happened to come to my house with a gift. She's younger and stronger, so I asked her to help. She tried with her hands first, then with her mouth, trying very hard..."
Stop! Stop! The female doctor couldn't hold back any longer: "You asked your cousin to help with this kind of thing?"
Mr. Chen said, "She was happy to! But it still didn't work! That's why I came to you, to see if you could..."
The female doctor angrily asked, "Could you do what?" Mr. Chen replied, "Could you open the lid of this glass jar?"

19) Whose Penis is the Longest? (Hilarious) {
One day, a contest was held in an auditorium to see who had the longest penis. One man thought his penis was long enough to participate and wanted to enter the auditorium, but was stopped by the old man guarding the door.
The old man asked: Young man, what do you want to do? The young man: I'm here to participate in the contest. The old man said: You'll compete with me first. If yours is longer than mine, you can go in; otherwise, go home. Saying this, the old man took his penis out from under his trouser leg. The young man was startled and turned to leave, but the old man quickly said to him: Don't rush
, don't rush. Since you're here, I won't let you go for nothing. Let you go in and see for yourself, but you have to sit in the first row. The young man hurriedly agreed: Okay, okay.
The young man went straight to the first row. Just as he was about to sit down, he suddenly heard someone in the thirty-third row shout: Who is so blind? Don't you see where you're going? You stepped on my glans!
The young man quickly said: I'm sorry, I didn't expect your penis to be so long.}
20) A driver was taking his boss to a cultural performance. After the boss entered the venue, the driver was stopped by security. The driver said, "I'm in the same system as the boss." The security guard replied , "
Your penis and testicles are in the same system. If your penis goes in, can your testicles go in too?
" 21) An elephant asked a camel, "Why are your breasts on your back?" The camel replied, "Get lost! I don't talk to things with their penises on their faces!"
22) A kindergarten teacher was leading her students swimming when she accidentally exposed a pubic hair. A student asked, "Teacher, what's that?" The teacher plucked it out and said, "A thread!"

23) A little girl was always showing off her new toys to a little boy. The little boy, at a loss, took off his pants and said, "You'll never have this!" The girl also
took off pants and said, "My mom said that if I have this, you can have as many of those things as you want!"
24) The Wedding Night (This one isn't very funny, but it's well-written!) A scholar recently passed his imperial examination. The morning after his wedding night, his brothers came to visit. They asked him how he felt. He rose, fanning himself, and sang: "A moment of spring night is worth a thousand pieces of gold. Last night, my brother, with his skill, stood tall, took the lead, and with a single stroke,
achieved instant fame, a brilliant and unstoppable feat, a truly enchanting night, a night of passion and romance. Everyone was filled with admiration, and then asked his sister-in-law how she felt.
She sang with a mournful tone: "It's truly hard to describe. He was initially at a loss, but fortunately I lent him a helping hand; however, things
took many twists and turns, not something that could be achieved overnight. He was on the verge of collapse, ready to explode at any moment; then, in a flash, he plummeted, ultimately ending in utter defeat, barely clinging to life; utterly useless, a pointless endeavor, I really wanted to cut ties and end it all; alas! It was truly a spring dream, nothing accomplished!" 25) "
Old Bitch Injured"
A nun and a monk lived next door. Unable to bear the loneliness, they chiseled a hole in the wall. Every night, the old monk would stick his penis into the hole and say, "The sun rises in the east! The sun rises in the east!" The nun would then take off her pants and have sex with his
penis for a while. Eventually, the young monk saw the old monk's behavior and wanted to see what was inside. One day, the old monk wanted to go down the mountain to perform rituals and would need to stay overnight, so he asked the young monk to help him. That
night, the young monk, just like his master, shouted "The sun rises in the east!" towards the hole. He thought, "There was light before, why has it turned dark?" He then

took a candlestick, pulled out a candle, and inserted it into the hole. He heard a soft "ah!" from inside, and then there was nothing there. The next day, after the old monk returned,
feeling , he called out towards the cave entrance, "Sunrise in the East!" There was no response. He called out again, "Sunrise in the East!"

Then he heard the nun say, "Old woman injured!" "Old woman injured!"
26) A Romantic Encounter on the Bus
One day, a young and beautiful woman wearing a tight mini-skirt went shopping… her hands were full of shopping spoils as she waited for the bus to

go home . When the bus arrived, the woman faced a very awkward situation… because her skirt was too tight, and she was carrying many things, and the bus was high…

She couldn't get on the bus at all... The passengers behind her started to get restless, urging her to hurry up. The young woman was completely at a loss... As the

queue for boarding began to become crowded and chaotic... the young woman had a sudden inspiration. She secretly used her hand to slightly unzip the back of her skirt to loosen it
and allow her to get on the bus. However, strangely, the skirt didn't loosen when the zipper was pulled down; it was completely useless. So she tried pulling the zipper down
further , but it still didn't work, and her legs still couldn't take a big step. At this point, the passengers behind her started to get restless again, shouting, "Get a little bigger in front!" Even the driver became impatient and told the young woman, "Hurry up and get on the bus!" Just when she was completely at her wit's end, suddenly a young man behind her silently lifted her onto the bus, making the young woman even more embarrassed! Red-faced, she questioned the man who had hugged her
: "How could you hug me? That's outrageous! We're not friends, I don't even know you!" The young man calmly replied:
"Miss! After you unzipped my pants for the second time, I started to think we were good friends!"

27) A heated argument on the bus:
That day on the bus, a rather pretty girl suddenly yelled at a well-mannered, fair-skinned young man: "Pervert!" Perhaps the young man had been inappropriately touching her. The young man seemed aggrieved and immediately retorted. The two began to argue. A little while later, the girl yelled: "You're a big pervert, you've been a pervert since you were born! Even when my son was born, you never forgot to look back!" The passengers were silent for a moment, then burst into laughter. My colleague shook his head, saying he'd never seen such an insult before; it was truly unparalleled, unmatched by anyone. The young man, after being insulted, stood there with his mouth agape, unable to utter a single word. It was indeed a timeless insult, probably unmatched before or since; everyone said there was no harsher, more vicious insult. The young man was probably about to shut up. Suddenly, he shouted, "You're the real hooligan! You were still in your father's womb and you were already seeing him three times a day!!!" The crowd erupted in laughter, the ticket seller couldn't straighten up, and the driver rested for a moment before starting the journey.

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Super classic dirty jokes [Full text]

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