hatred

page views:1 Publication date:2023-09-20 08:13:17

"Haha, coward! Do you dare come in?"
I rubbed my still throbbing forehead, glaring angrily at He Lanlan, who was laughing smugly in the girls' restroom. "Come out if you dare!"
"No way! La la la~~"
We remained locked in this stalemate...
Finally, the bell rang, and He Lanlan's smile stiffened. Thinking of Teacher Wang's stern expression, I was terrified, but I was determined to get back at her!
Every second felt like an eternity...
Finally, He Lanlan couldn't hold back any longer and rushed out like a gust of wind. I threw a punch, only hitting her arm. She staggered a couple of steps, turned around, hands on her hips, glaring at me, tears welling in her eyes, but she managed to hold back her sobs.
"Let's go!" Having gotten my revenge, I rushed towards the classroom, but the door had already slammed shut. I reached out but hesitated to knock.
Through the glass, several classmates sitting by the window watched me and He Lanlan, who had somehow hidden behind me, with glee. I glanced at her, and seeing she had no intention of coming forward, I reluctantly turned and knocked on the door, my heart sinking…
The door opened, and Teacher Wang appeared before me like a tower, her two goldfish eyes coldly glancing at us through her thick glasses: “What have you been doing?”
I stammered something, and anyway, we ended up standing by the blackboard for the entire lesson.
************
Shui Jian’s house wasn’t far from either mine or Chen Hao’s, so we often walked together after school. She usually wore a ponytail, and Chen Hao loved to pull her braid. I always watched and laughed, even though I didn’t like seeing him bully her, but Chen Hao was stronger than us, and he was a boy too—boys should help boys!
But sometimes Chen Hao bullied me too, like now…
I struggled, but my right hand was twisted behind my back, my neck was twisted, and my face was pressed tightly against the rough cement wall. “What are you doing!” I twisted desperately, but I couldn’t break free.
"Stop hitting me!" Shui Jian shouted from the side, and Chen Hao yelled back, but wouldn't let go. Shui Jian rushed over and twisted his hand, making him let go of me. The three of them were in a chaotic mess, but at least I managed to escape. 　　Shui
Jian grabbed me and ran, with Chen Hao chasing after us. I took off running, faster than I ever ran the 50-meter dash 　　in PE class. When Chen Hao stopped chasing us, we both stopped, hands on our knees, panting heavily. I looked at her gratefully, and suddenly realized that Shui Jian, aside from her slightly awkward name, was actually quite pretty. ********** ... 　　I'm not a snotty-nosed kid anymore; I know what it means to like something. I secretly finished reading the entire set of "Dream of the Red Chamber" at home. Shuijian's family had a set too, and I told her it was good, so she read it too. 　　We often passed notes during class to exchange our thoughts, and even said which classmate resembled which character in the book. 　　She asked me who looked like Lin Daiyu, and I said no one. Actually, I thought Shuijian did, even though she wasn't that thin. I felt she gave me the same feeling Lin Daiyu gave Jia Baoyu. Unfortunately, I'm nothing like Jia Baoyu. I'm dark-skinned and thin, and I always sit in the front row, while Shuijian always sits behind me. 　　Luckily, I'm a pretty good student, except for that weirdo He Lanlan—why do I say she's weird? Because once I gave her a scented eraser, and later Shuijian said she wanted it, so I talked to He Lanlan to ask her to return it to me first. She ended up cutting the eraser into pieces and saying she wouldn't give it to anyone else if she couldn't have it. Isn't that terrifying? Apart from her, I firmly maintained my second-place ranking in the class. My Chinese teacher especially liked me; she often called on me to read my compositions during writing class, which made me feel embarrassed. 　　Chen Hao was still in our class. He had grown taller and taller, and now he sat in the last row. He was always first in the class in physical education, but he didn't seem to like reading the books we read, or rather, he didn't like reading any books at all. After class, he would often disappear while walking. Once, I followed him and found that he went to a video arcade. 　　The arcade had many posters on the outside, all featuring scantily clad women. I glanced at them and my heart pounded; I quickly turned and ran away. 　　One day, Shui Jian handed me a note that read, "I need to tell you something after school." I wondered, 'Why tell me first when you need to say something?' I looked at her, but found that she deliberately turned her head away from me. 　　On the way home, Shui Jian walked silently for a long time without saying a word. I vaguely felt something was off, but I didn't know how to break the silence. As we neared her doorstep, Shuijian slowed her pace, her face growing increasingly flushed. Looking at her expression, I had a guess in my mind, but I wasn't sure. 　　She looked at me for a long time, then, as if gathering her courage, whispered, "I like you..." 　　My heart felt like it had been struck a heavy blow; a complex mix of emotions, joy and fear, instantly filled my senses. Looking into her misty eyes, I blurted out, "I'm not good enough for you!" 　　She pursed her lips and shook her head. "Who said that?" 　　I stood there, speechless, imagining her in a pure white wedding dress, beautiful as a fairy from a painting. Beside me, short and dark-skinned, I felt utterly inferior in comparison. The students below the stage were pointing and whispering... 　　"You should like someone who's a good match for you, taller and better looking than me," I murmured, looking down. 　　She stared at me blankly, tears welling in her eyes, then suddenly turned and ran away. 　　At that moment, it felt like a thousand words were stuck in my throat. 　　From that day until I graduated from junior 　　high, Shuijian 　　never passed 　　me 　　notes again. 　　********** 　　... Superwoman often gave me strange looks; I think she must be hostile to my rise 　　. 　　********** 　　...

My roommate, the chubby guy, brought two magazines. I promised to let him copy my homework for a semester, so I only kept one for myself. Each time I satisfied myself in the dark, savoring the unimaginably full breasts of the women in the magazines, I quickly experienced that incredibly pleasurable feeling. Sometimes I would secretly think about Shuijian, about her breasts under her floral dress.
I was quite close to Shuijian; sometimes we'd hang out on weekends, along with Chen Hao. Shuijian always joked and laughed with me, seemingly ignoring Chen Hao. I was happy because Shuijian said she didn't have a boyfriend.
One day on our way home, we passed a newly opened boutique. Shuijian immediately spotted a crystal necklace in the window and stood there staring at it for a long time. Looking at her beautiful profile, I secretly made a decision.
The necklace cost 188 yuan. I calculated that, with my savings, if I ate instant noodles for dinner every night, it would only take two months to buy it, just in time for her eighteenth birthday.
Still growing, I ate instant noodles for dinner every day, and I was starving by 10 pm every night, sometimes having to get up to drink water to fill my stomach. Fortunately, eight weeks wasn't too long. On the day I saved enough, I specially sealed the money in a brown paper envelope and hid it in the deepest part of my desk drawer. I could almost see Shuijian's smiling face when she got the necklace, and I practiced the words I would say over and over again. I was so excited that I couldn't sleep that night.
Before returning to school on Sunday, I used the bills and coins from the envelope to exchange for that shiny chain. I tucked it tightly into my pocket, and with great difficulty, I managed to slip it into the locked drawer right under my roommates' noses.
Shuijian's birthday is November 2nd, a Tuesday.
Although it required two transfers to get to her school, a journey of an hour and a half, my steps were still unusually light. Aunt Lin, who lives downstairs in the Shuijian dormitory, saw me and took out her registration book, about to tease me a bit, when she suddenly looked a little awkward and said, "Oh dear! I forgot to take it off, she just went out!" (dialect)
I panicked and quickly asked, "Auntie, do you know where she went?"
"I don't know," Aunt Lin shook her head.
I anxiously searched the campus. Had her classmates taken her out to celebrate? But the small canteen was already closed. Did she go to study? Impossible, she wouldn't study so diligently on her birthday, but I still went to every classroom in the teaching building.
I wearily came to the fountain, plopped down on a bench, and felt utterly dejected. I stared blankly ahead, watching a couple embracing on the other side of the fountain, a stark contrast to my loneliness.
Suddenly, the boy cupped the girl's face and kissed her. She seemed flustered, awkwardly clutching the hem of her clothes, letting him be.
Their silhouettes gradually became clearer. Wait, isn't that...?
My heart pounded, making my chest feel tight, my hands trembled uncontrollably, and my legs felt completely weak.
Was I really seeing things? Was it really Shui Jian and Chen Hao? How could this be...?
My vision blurred, my mind reeling, countless memories flooding back...
She pulled Chen Hao's hand away, and we ran together with our backpacks on...
The little note filled with poems from *Dream of the Red Chamber*...
She told me, "I like you"...
She told me, "I don't have a boyfriend"...
"Lin Tao?"
I looked up. Chen Hao was looking at me with a slight smile, seemingly not particularly surprised. Shui Jian beside me was clearly flustered, her fair face flushed red.
I tried my best to control my trembling, unable to speak for a long time. Chen Hao still looked at me coolly, while Shui Jian looked like she was about to cry.
"I..." I managed to utter one word before my throat tightened, and tears uncontrollably filled my eyes. I abruptly stood up, turned around, and strode away. A thousand words were still on my mind, yet I couldn't utter a single
one. Like a walking corpse, I returned to school and lay listlessly on the grass in front of the teaching building, staring blankly at the night sky. I gulped down a half-empty bottle of wine, my mind churning, only the words "Hello!" echoing in my ears. Those were Daiyu's last two words.
I imagined Shuijian standing before me, pleading for my forgiveness, imagining her relationship with Chen Hao. The hard box in my pocket pressed against me, aching me. I hated him so much. I hated Chen Hao, not Shuijian, no, I hated Shuijian too, but what I hated most was this foolish, pathetic, despicable self.
People kept walking past me; I didn't need to look to imagine their gazes. A group of girls walked past me, laughing and talking, then fell silent for a moment, followed by suppressed laughter after whispers.
Suddenly, someone exclaimed "Eh!" and came back. A familiar face obscured the stars. A stunned voice said, "It's you?" I recognized the person as He Lanlan.
I looked at her, but it was as if I didn't see her. Suddenly, I took a box from my pocket. "This is for you," I said, handing it to her.
She opened the box with a puzzled expression, biting her lip and staring blankly for a long time, seemingly understanding something.
"Don't drink anymore, let's go, I'll take you home," she said softly. I had never heard He Lanlan speak in such a tone before.
I ignored her and, in a show of defiance, picked up the bottle and took a large gulp. He Lanlan paused, then suddenly snatched the bottle from me, tilted her head back, and chugged it down, taking a long time before finally ending with a cough.
"What are you doing?" I looked at her coldly.
"I'll do whatever you want!" she glared at me and shouted.
"Do you know how I feel right now?" I asked, filled with resentment.
He Lanlan stared at me for a long time, her eyes suddenly filled with tears, and she said in a hoarse voice, "I know." Then, without warning, she collapsed onto my shoulder, instantly wetting my neck.
I was stunned.
A few strands of her hair tickled my nose and cheek. A faint fragrance, one I'd never smelled before—was it shampoo or perfume? Her soft breasts pressed against my left arm, and I dared not move. I suddenly realized that He Lanlan was no longer the child I used to chase and fight with in second grade. It was only now that I was truly observing her with the eyes of someone of the opposite sex.
That night, I kissed her; it was my first kiss, and hers too. The instant our lips touched, I felt how soft and sweet her mouth was.
**********
Shuijian wrote me a few letters, but I neither opened nor tore them up; they were all kept in a shoebox. Later, she stopped writing.
The summer before I entered third grade, I started an internship, and finally had some money in my pocket. Not long after, Lanlan and I rented a small apartment. Although we called each other "husband" and "wife" and had countless intimate physical contacts, we never actually crossed that final hurdle, and the reason, of course, wasn't that I didn't want to.
On Lanlan's twentieth birthday, I gave her red roses and treated her to an expensive Western meal. When we got home, I smiled mysteriously and said, "Wait for me at the door."
She hummed in agreement, full of curiosity and anticipation, crossed her arms over her chin, closed her eyes, and her eyelashes trembled.
Three minutes later, the door opened. I smiled and led Lanlan into the house. Twenty round candles, emitting a faint fragrance, were lit in clusters in the small living room. I had her sit on the sofa, knelt on one knee before her, took a small piece of paper from my pocket, and solemnly read:
"In an instant, I have slept for a thousand years. Whose laughter resonates with my dusty heartstrings? I open my eyes, I am wrapped in mud, it is your tearful eyes that melt away the fragments of my imprisonment. Reborn, I wish to hold your hand from now on and witness the next world change."
After reciting the poem, I paused, looked at her softly, and said, "This poem was written for you, it's called 'Terracotta Warrior,' do you like it?"
She let out a faint sigh, then opened her closed eyes, reached out and cupped my face, leaning closer and murmuring, "I like it..."
Her luscious red lips were right next to mine. I gently moved closer, touching that soft spot, lightly skimming it a few times. As I pulled away, she began to offer her fragrant lips, and finally we kissed passionately, our tongues exploring and demanding each other. I don't know how long we kissed.
In the heat of the moment, I had her lie across the sofa, one hand slipping inside her unbuttoned shirt. While continuing to kiss her neck, I pushed up her bra. Her youthful breasts were the most beautiful things I had ever seen. Holding them in my hand, she let out a soft "hmm."
I lovingly caressed that tender mound, instinctively taking one of her erect nipples into my mouth. As I caressed her, soft moans escaped her throat, fueling my desire. I reached down and struggled to unbutton her jeans, only to feel her hand assisting me—something she'd never done before.
Overjoyed, I pulled off her outer pants, running my fingers up her smooth calves and delicate inner thighs, my other hand cupping her lower body and caressing her through the damp fabric dozens of times. She gasped, her body trembling, then suddenly tightened her legs, clamping my hand with unimaginable strength, arching her hips and trembling.
Seeing her unusual state, yet seemingly enjoying herself, I was momentarily at a loss for what to do, only passionately kissing her earlobe and whispering, "I love you…I love you…" Hearing this, she clung to me even tighter, rubbing her cheek against my mouth, nose, and ear, moaning loudly.
It took her a while to calm down, panting softly and motionless. I looked at her tenderly and asked, "What happened just now?"
She seemed still immersed in the afterglow of pleasure, her eyes closed for a while before she said, "I don't know... I guess... I orgasmed..."
I was a little surprised and amused, "There's a 'guess' about orgasms?"
She opened her eyes and saw my expression, then said shyly, "I haven't even tried it, how would I know if it was or not!"
In the past, whenever I was intimate with Lanlan, she rarely let me touch her genitals, and when she did, it was only for a few moments, let alone to the point of today. I was curious, "You know what an orgasm is once you've experienced it!"
She murmured, "I felt... um... like my lower body suddenly felt empty, like... being thrown to the clouds... I wanted to grab onto something..."
"Was it comfortable?"
"Um..." she blushed and whispered.
I suddenly felt a little smug, quite proud that I could make her feel comfortable. I squeezed onto the sofa and hugged her, wanting to stay close to her. My lower body was already incredibly hard, and I only felt some comfort when I pressed hard against her stomach.
"You...seem really hard?" she couldn't help but say.
"Yeah! You're enjoying it." I said with a half-joking, half-serious face.
"I know how to make you feel good." There was a hint of mischief in her voice.
My heart skipped a beat, and I pressed, "How is it?"
She giggled, "Hmm, since you've been so good to me today, I'll satisfy you." As she spoke, she got up and started to unbuckle my belt. I was overjoyed and helped her pull down her pants in a few quick movements, my penis standing tall and erect.
She knelt in front of the sofa, exclaiming, "Ouch! The floor hurts!" She picked up my slippers and muttered to herself, "I'll use these as pads." Then she knelt down again, cupping my penis in one hand and examining it closely. A few strands of her hair brushed against my thighs, tickling me, as if caressing my sensitive spots. I felt a little embarrassed by her gaze, but also incredibly excited about what was about to happen, and I couldn't say a word.
After examining it for a while, she suddenly smiled and said, "I'm going to eat it." She then took my glans into her mouth, and I immediately felt a warm, soft sensation enveloping my lower body. The feeling was so pleasurable it sent shivers down my spine, and I couldn't help but let out a soft "Ah!" She was startled and spat out the penis from her mouth, looking at me anxiously, "Did I hurt you?"
I quickly replied, "No. Hurry, don't stop!"
Her expression seemed greatly encouraged, and she took it in again, this time even deeper. I looked up and saw that most of it was inside her mouth; the visual impact alone was enough to excite me beyond measure, not to mention her tongue constantly sucking and teasing. I thought to myself, those erotic novels I'd read about experiencing ecstasy and pleasure were truly amazing; this felt so much better than using my hand. Watching her move her head, diligently pleasing me, a sense of conquest welled up within me. For a moment, I felt that this was the true happiness of a man.
...
"Let me in, please?" I pleaded softly, showering her cheeks and neck with kisses.
She didn't speak, but bit her lower lip.
I asked again, but she still didn't answer.
I steeled myself and bent down...
"Ah!...It hurts!...Don't move, don't move..." Lanlan closed her eyes tightly, her hands gripping my arm tightly.
The feeling of deflowering a girl was like...breaking a piece of porcelain with my own hands, peeling off the tender skin of a peach, standing proudly on the peak of a world where the mountain wind howls—brutal, sweet, and soul-stirring.
Tears streamed down her face, a sight that moved me deeply. As if I could feel her pain and confusion, I passionately kissed away the salty tears, lingering and kissing her, repeating in a dreamlike voice, "I love you..."
At that moment, I vowed to myself that I would marry this woman and give her the happiness I had always longed for.
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We were immersed in the paradise of sex and love, and impulses could arise anytime, anywhere; with impulses, actions could follow.
When things got lively, I'd say some cheesy things, always teasing her, saying, "So what if you always got better grades than me when you were little? Now you're all still getting to be dominated by your grandpa." Lanlan would always look resentful, pounding my chest with her little fists, but of course, I'd always completely subdue her.
Lanlan especially loved giving me oral sex, even in taxis, she'd secretly pull out my penis and suck on it a few times. When it was hard, she'd playfully point at it and say, "Be good! If another lady licks it, I'll bite the head off!" As she said this, her eyes would crinkle into slits with laughter, waiting for me to confess my feelings.
After graduation, we still lived together. I got a job at a newspaper, and Lanlan worked for a foreign company. With our respective abilities, we quickly established ourselves. Financially, we weren't exactly wealthy, but it was enough for both of us. Even though we'd been together for three years, with our hopes for the future, it often felt like only three months had passed. 'This is true happiness,' I thought.
Until I met Shuijian again.
At Starbucks, I almost didn't recognize her at first glance. Her signature ponytail was disheveled, and although she wore some makeup, it couldn't hide the deep shadows under her eyes. I thought I should be indifferent, but I was clearly overwhelmed with mixed feelings.
"How did you get my phone?" I asked softly, trying to keep my voice calm, but regretted it as soon as the words left my mouth.
"I called your house, and your dad told me," she said quietly, looking at me. "I know you didn't intend to tell me."
I didn't speak for a while, then asked, "How are you?"
Shuijian lowered her head, and I felt awkward in her silence, but then I saw her eyes redden. After holding back for a moment, tears finally welled up in her eyes.
Although I didn't know what had happened, I guessed it was mostly related to Chen Hao. I suddenly had an impulse to hug her, let her lean on my shoulder, and comfort her, but my pride prevented me from doing so.
I just stared at her blankly, while strangers at nearby tables occasionally cast curious and nosy glances my way.
"What's wrong?" I finally remembered I should offer her a tissue.
She bit her lip, calmed herself down, and said, "Chen Hao... he's been spending a lot of time with a woman lately..."
A pang of pain shot through me; it really was because of Chen Hao.
She continued, "He hasn't come back for a week, and he won't answer his calls." At this point, her voice choked, and she covered her mouth with one hand, tears streaming down her face.
I felt inexplicably heartbroken, staring blankly at the geometric patterns on the round table.
"Lin Tao... you... you can help me find him, okay?"
I slowly looked up at her tear-filled face, unsure whether to pity her or myself.
“I know I shouldn’t be begging you like this, but I really don’t know who else to turn to.” She looked at me pitifully, her small hand timidly reaching for my sleeve.
I was filled with grievance, but I simply dodged her hand: “Give me his phone number.”
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“Lin Tao?” Chen Hao’s voice was clearly surprised.
“Where is he? Come out and talk.”
“In the old house.” He paused: “Did Shui Jian ask you to come find me?”
I didn’t answer: “I’ll be there in half an hour.”
Sitting on the bus, I stared blankly out the window at the familiar streets and unfamiliar pedestrians, my thoughts jumping between fragments of our shared experiences.
Chen Hao’s house was in an alleyway; I vaguely remembered what it looked like, but it seemed much narrower, and the old cripple sitting at the alleyway entrance, fanning himself, was gone.
I knocked on the old wooden door, and soon Chen Hao stood before me. His face was a little puffy; he scratched his messy hair, smiled at me, and gestured for me to come in.
The wooden floorboards creaked under my feet. I casually sat down at the table, looking at him without saying a word.
"How's it going lately?" He took two bottles of beer from the refrigerator and gave me one.
"Not bad. What's going on between you and Shuijian?" I asked bluntly.
"I knew she was the one who sent you." He looked at me mockingly and said indifferently.
A surge of anger rose within me: "Do you think I wanted to come?"
He curled his lip: "Well, you still came."
I closed my eyes to calm myself down: "She asked me to ask you when you're going back?"
"I'll go back when I want to," he said impatiently.
"If you love her, you should treat her well. If you don't love her, you should tell her clearly. What are you doing now!"
He looked at me coldly and sneered, "If she wants a man, she still has you, right?"
"Fuck your mother!" I jumped up and punched him in the face, then took a punch myself, and the two of us immediately started wrestling.
"What's it to you?!" He glared at me, grabbing my collar and punching me hard.
I gritted my teeth, silently elbowing him in the cheekbone, instantly gaining the upper hand. While he clutched his face, I twisted one of his hands and pinned it against the table. He kicked me several times, and I endured the pain, yelling, "Kick me again, you fucking bastard!"
He struggled for a while but couldn't break free, then cursed, "I'm tired of her! If you want to wear my worn-out shoes, go pick them up!"
I was furious, trembling with rage. I grabbed a bottle from the table and smashed it over his head. He winced in pain, then fiercely struggled free, fighting back and trying to grab the bottle from my hand. I saw an opening and hit him again, once, twice, three times… When he finally let go and fell to the ground, I noticed a blurry patch on his head, blood gushing down.
My first instinct was to leave, then I thought about calling 120 for an ambulance. Reaching for the phone, the image of him yelling at me and his words flashed through my mind. For some reason, I remembered the scene from when I was a child, how he slammed my face against the concrete wall.
I sat there, stunned, watching him lie on the floor, half his face submerged in a spreading, deep red stain. Silently, I picked up my bottle, found a rag, wiped away all fingerprints, ransacked his house, and even scraped the lock with a paperclip before slipping through the wooden door.
Returning home, my mind a jumble, I opened the door to find Lanlan calling out in a sweet, coquettish voice, but I felt guilty and didn't dare let her get close. "...I'll take a shower first..."
"Oh..." she said, her voice trailing off with disappointment and confusion, her gaze following me as I disappeared into the bathroom.
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"You don't need to look for him anymore, he... he's dead." Shuijian's voice was indistinct on the other end of the line.
"How could this be?!" I exclaimed, my voice trembling.
"I don't know... the police are investigating..." She finally broke down in tears.
"Wait here, I'm coming." I hung up the phone and left, my mind heavy.
Shuijian's place wasn't far from her school, in an old six-story apartment building. I heard my own footsteps echoing heavily in the stairwell.
The moment the door opened, I almost couldn't look into her eyes. Shuijian was wearing a light blue cotton nightgown, no makeup, and her eyes were swollen, but I still thought she was beautiful.
We sat on the sofa and talked from afternoon until evening, about everything, but the topic always revolved around Chen Hao.
I sat closer and closer to her, close enough to smell her faint fragrance. Gradually, I spoke less and less, and listened less and less; all I saw were her tearful eyes, her charming face, and her elegant chin.
It gradually got dark, and the living room lights were off. Three seconds after she broke down in tears again, I trembled as I reached out and hugged her. She didn't resist, curling up against my shoulder, silently shedding tears.
"
Where are you going?" On Sunday afternoon, Lanlan was nestled on the sofa watching TV. Seeing me getting dressed, she asked with some surprise.
"Oh, going back to my place to get some clothes." I didn't dare look her in the eye. "
Oh," she replied faintly, turning back to the TV.
Seeing that she didn't press further, I breathed a sigh of relief. For the past few months, I've visited Shuijian almost every week, even I can't convince myself that I'm just offering a friend's condolences.
Shuijian still often gets teary-eyed at random moments, but I can feel my care and persistence gradually mending her hope for life.
Today I invited her to the park and took some photos of her with my phone. Women always smile in front of the camera, and I need her to remember what it feels like to smile.
Autumn nights come early; it was only six o'clock, and several children were already setting off fireworks at the park entrance. In the dim twilight, as we watched the dazzling fireworks and the shadowy figures and smiling faces of children, I suddenly felt an overwhelming tenderness in my heart, and I mustered up my courage to quietly take her hand.
Shuijian's little hand trembled slightly, as if trying to pull away, but I finally grasped it. I didn't turn to look at her, but that moment was the happiest moment of my life.
On the way back, we didn't speak for a long time. When we arrived at her door, I smiled and said goodbye as usual, but she twisted her hand, hesitant to speak. My heart pounded, sensing something was about to happen. I stared at her, waiting for her to speak, but she finally said "Bye-bye."
I felt a little disappointed, but I just smiled. I stood on the bus, swaying in a daze, my mind filled with the warmth of her little hand and her expression just now. When we reached our stop, a thought suddenly struck me, and I jumped off before the doors closed. I couldn't wait to wait for the next bus at the opposite stop; I ran towards the house with steps I hadn't taken in a long time. Countless pedestrians stared at me in surprise, but I had only one thought.
Rushing up the stairs, I knocked on the door without hesitation. Surprisingly, Shuijian's expression wasn't overly surprised. Without time to process it, I breathlessly blurted out, "I love you!" and pulled her into a tight embrace.
Her body went from stiff to supple, and suddenly I felt her arms encircle my waist. A wave of happiness surged through my body like a high-voltage current. I held her so tightly she could barely breathe, and we stood motionless at the door for a long time.
******************************
I dried myself with the large pink towel from Shuijian's bathroom. Remembering that she usually used this towel to dry herself, I immediately became aroused, which took a while to subside. Without any change of clothes, I wrapped myself in the towel and went out somewhat embarrassed. Seeing me like this, she blushed, turned her head away, and whispered, "I'll go take a shower too." Then she hurriedly ran inside.
I sat on the sofa, my heart churning with emotions, thinking about what might happen next. One moment I felt sweet, the next I worried I was overthinking things—maybe she didn't mean it that way. Should I put my clothes on? I
was torn between these thoughts and anxieties when I heard the bathroom door open a crack. Shui Jian peeked out, revealing half her face, and timidly said, "You took my towel..."
I jumped up with an "Oh," my face flushed, and went over, too embarrassed to look at the glimpse of her naked body through the crack. Just as I was about to take the towel off her, I realized I wasn't wearing anything underneath, and I was at a loss for what to do.
Seeing my hesitation, she said awkwardly, "I'll turn away from you." As she moved, a glimpse of her delicate arm and a small patch of her snow-white breast appeared through the crack. Although I had known her for so long, I had never seen so much of her skin. In that instant, desire surged through my mind, and I don't know where I got the courage, but I pushed open the door. Suddenly, a snow-white body was exposed before me. Before she could finish her gasp, I pulled her close and silenced her with a kiss.
Shuijian was soaking wet, smelling of shower gel, her delicate, naked body pressed against me. Her hands, which had been weakly supporting my shoulders, had somehow wrapped around my neck. My tongue greedily explored her lips and teeth, teasing and searching. After a moment of restraint, she responded passionately. Her lips were soft and slightly sweet, her kisses natural and fluid. Although it was our first kiss, it felt as if we had been lovers for years.
How can I describe the first time I lovingly caressed the breasts of my goddess? I think words cannot express it. There was no conscious thought, only a feeling of involuntary action, only the moving softness and fullness I remember.
I showered her with kisses, from the light touch of my tongue to the sucking of my lips, from her swan-like, white neck to the most delicate skin of her inner thighs. I used kisses to let Shuijian experience the love and passion I had accumulated over twenty years.
Shuijian lay beneath me like a little lamb, one hand covering her eyes with the back of her hand, the other crumpling the sheets, moaning softly. Her moans, like a lament, stirred my masculine instincts.
Seeing the delicate, still alluring pink of her private parts between her legs, I couldn't help but lean in and take her slightly protruding petals into my mouth. Before my tongue could even tease her clitoris, she recoiled, saying in embarrassment, "Don't kiss there!"
I knew I didn't like being kissed like that by a woman, but for some reason, being with Shuijian made me feel that every part of her was beautiful, every inch of her body wanting to be savored. So I pulled her legs apart forcefully, held her down, and kissed her again. Shuijian cried out, struggling to look up at me before collapsing weakly back onto the bed, biting her hand.
I felt my nose and chin instantly wet with her vaginal fluids, sticky on my tongue and nose, surprisingly without any fishy smell. My heart overflowed with love, and I curled my tongue like a small thorn, inserting it into her honeyed depths. Though it didn't penetrate deeply, it caused her moans to rise uncontrollably in waves, her legs thrashing about on the bed as if she were reaching her breaking point.
After a while, I gradually satisfied my oral desires, knowing that the final fruit was just around the corner, waiting to be plucked. As I rose and pressed myself against her soft, cotton-like body, aiming my fully erect penis at her entrance, looking at her tender expression as if she were ready to be taken, my heart was filled with countless emotions.
Happy and bitter memories flashed through my mind like a revolving lantern...
Really? Was I really going to have her?
With a lowering of my hips, I slowly inserted part of my body into hers, feeling the warm, wet tightness of her entire length, without a single gap. In her trembling voice, we became one, and the entire world around us vanished in that moment. As
I
stepped out of Shuijian's house, I was still immersed in sweetness, a smile involuntarily spreading across my face.
But as I approached home, my steps became heavy and hesitant.
This small house, though not large, was where I had grown accustomed to returning every night to completely relax.
More importantly, there was a woman living with me for four years. A woman I had known since first grade. The silent promise I made the moment I took her virginity was still etched in my heart.
I pushed open the door; the room was dark. I took a shower and tiptoed into the bedroom. Lanlan's breathing was calm and deep, calming my heart slightly. I lay silently beside her. My
chaotic thoughts kept me awake until dawn, but I chose to disappear into the darkness. After
another
tender moment, Shuijian nestled in my arms, her head on my shoulder, and finally asked the question I had been dreading for so long.
I closed my eyes tightly, and after a long while 　　, I weakly said, "I choose you. 　　"
Her eyes lit up, and then 　　she whispered , "Lanlan will be heartbroken. 　　" My heart was in turmoil, but I knew that one of us had to 　　be
hurt. And I felt I knew which woman my true happiness would be with. To the other, what could I say 　　but "I'm sorry" 　　? 　　********** 　　...

Lanlan walked into the bedroom like a puppet, rustled around for a moment, then returned to me, opening her palm to reveal a small piece of paper.
"Do you remember the poem you wrote for me? On my twentieth birthday." She looked at me, tears streaming down her face. "That was the happiest day of my life."
I couldn't stop crying with her.
Lanlan sat there blankly, from morning till night, not touching the takeout I'd bought.
"Think it through. What I can't have, I won't let her have either," Lanlan suddenly turned and stared at me, saying each word clearly. A chill ran through me, but I felt less guilty. I didn't like people talking to me like that.
Without a word, I grabbed a change of clothes and packed a suitcase. Lanlan stared at me with a complex expression until the security door blocked my view.
I was free 　　.
********** 　　... She had already figured out the whole story of that day; she even noticed that I went to see Shuijian every week. 　　The telephone records showed that I had called Chen Hao that afternoon. The police suspected me, but with physical evidence, I didn't cause them too much trouble. 　　On the day of the sentencing, when I heard the judge mention that year, I fully realized my situation. 　　There were many familiar faces in the audience, but for some reason, I couldn't see them clearly. My gaze swept over my grief-stricken mother and my aged and helpless father, and lingered on Shuijian's face. Her expression contained self-blame, pity, confusion, and hatred. I knew she hated me for taking away her true love, even though she had once had girlish feelings for me, even though my love for her far surpassed that bad man who didn't know how to care for her, even though I had given her an orgasm in bed not long ago. 　　Suddenly, someone moved in the corner of my eye. It was Lanlan. She walked over amidst the surprised gazes of the crowd and was stopped a few steps away from me. Her face was a little swollen. I looked at her, wondering if I had the right to hate her. 　　“I’m pregnant with your child,” she suddenly said, wringing her hands. 　　A sudden silence fell over the courtroom. I stared at her coldly, my heart churning. 　　“I only found out yesterday… I will give birth to this child and raise him well.” Lanlan’s voice trembled slightly. 　　I remained silent for a long while, then looked up and said, “I hate you, and I hate that bastard in your belly.” 　　************ 　　The guards escorted me down the long, dark corridor. Tears streamed down my face as I thought to myself, I don’t feel guilty about that last lie. 　　[The End]

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