Diary of a female civil servant

page views:1 Publication date:2023-03-28 08:11:17

On April 28, 2013, after landing in Malé, I flew to Sun Island.

The island was sunny and the air was so clear it seemed to have been washed with mountain spring water.

Such a beautiful island, such a beautiful time, yet I was so lazy I felt drowsy and didn't want to walk. I reached out to Cheng Zheng in a spoiled tone and said, "Darling, carry me."

Cheng Zheng bent over affectionately and turned back to say, "I'm willing to be your humble servant, come on, baby."

I lightly jumped on him, hugged his neck, and he carried me leisurely.

I leaned against his back, completely relaxed, gazing at the blue sky, white clouds, sandy beach, and ocean. I murmured, "Cheng Zheng, thank you for letting me know you, thank you for falling in love with me, thank you for your unconditional trust, thank you for not having met the woman you wanted to marry before, but finally agreeing to marry me."

My tears silently rolled down his neck. He playfully scratched my buttocks a few times, then turned and bit my delicate chin, saying, "You don't need to try to seduce me anymore. Even without you, I'm already blissfully lost. Don't worry, baby, I'll love you with my life."

I smiled behind him, my pearly teeth gleaming. I playfully nibbled at his earlobe, "You're really good at bewitching me. Even though promises aren't meant to be kept, saying them now still feels touching, honey. What should I do? I want you again~~~"

Cheng Zheng's body stiffened, his breathing quickened instantly. "Little vixen, it's me who wants you, not you who wants me. You can only be wanted~~"

I deliberately continued to tease him. "No, I insist, I want you!"

There were forest houses nearby, but no one knew us. Cheng Zheng, having successfully "picked the beans," carried me into the primeval rainforest. The forest was deep and lush, as beautiful as a Renaissance painting.

On a secluded and clean sandy path, we rolled and kissed.

He said he hadn't made love properly for years, and he wanted to make up for all the pleasures he had wasted over the years. He wanted to make love as passionately as possible, day and night.

I pressed him down on the sand, spreading my legs and straddling his stomach.

I wasn't wearing anything under my bohemian dress, and he slipped his hands inside to loosen his belt.

I braced my hands on his chest, gazing at him alluringly, lifting my hips to align with his hot, hard erection, and slowly sat down.

Cheng Zheng breathed heavily, his hands caressing my breasts, his gaze fixed on me passionately, and we became intimately intertwined.

I opened my red lips and let out a loud moan, my long hair swirling wildly behind me, my body rising and falling against him beneath my skirt.

His body stiffened, responding to my thrusts, and he asked me in a hoarse voice, "Baby, why is it so good when we're together?"

He had asked me this question so many times.

I dared not look into his adoring gaze, burying my face in his, pressing my lips to his, my tongue actively entering his mouth, capturing his large tongue, sucking and entwining it, while my breasts pressed tightly against his chest, my legs grinding and demanding.

I craved Cheng Zheng's love, but I couldn't openly face it, because my heart concealed too many secrets that couldn't be revealed to the light of day.

Just like everything recorded in this diary where no one knows who I am.

He entered me deeply, and I sucked, sucked, and contracted repeatedly, the intense stimulation impacting us. Cheng Zheng finally couldn't bear the throbbing pleasure from the bone-devouring friction and released himself with pleasure.

He lay exhausted on the sand beneath me, holding me tightly, and said contentedly, "Fairy, I love you, and I enjoy being taken from you so indiscriminately."

I laughed, my long hair falling loosely over his face, and shamelessly said, "Man, you just got fucked by me, hee hee."

He squeezed my wet, delicate buttocks hard, "Fairy! A fairy who sucks men's marrow!"

My online name is "Baby."

That night, Qiao Baby, this fairy, was again entangled by Cheng Zheng and made love to me. When he fell asleep like a playful child, I got up from his arms, sat beside him, and, under the starlight and night of Sun Island in the Indian Ocean, carefully examined the handsome features in his eyes.

Have I finally gotten married? Have I finally married myself to a man?

This man named Cheng Zheng, we met by chance, traveled thousands of miles to get to know each other, and after just one meeting, we resolutely decided to entrust the rest of our lives to each other?

Our acquaintance, meeting, getting to know each other, and falling in love was simply too dramatic. I will mention these things later.

He, who calls himself a tough-as-nails, soft-hearted urban single man, was born in Yan'an, grew up in Xiangfan, and worked in Shanghai, while I had always been moving around in the province to which S city belongs.

In the years to come, would he, Cheng Zheng, whom I married in a whirlwind romance, really accept my broken soul completely?

On the night of April 28, 2013, I sat quietly beside him, gazing at him intently, tears streaming down my face.

The past was like a dream, yet vividly real.

If he knew everything that happened in my youth, would he still love me as he said?

When we first met by chance, he looked at me with piercing eyes, his mouth agape in astonishment, but he didn't dare to ask me easily, "Are you Bao Bao?" At that time, we had never exchanged photos.

My online name and real name were both Bao Bao.

But people generally don't believe that a woman would dare to use her real name as her online name.

"Baby," this online name sounds so clichéd and fake.

When we first met online, I told Cheng Zheng, who was thirty-eight, that I was a thirty-three-year-old single woman, a freelancer with an uncertain future.

He didn't comment, saying that as long as we clicked, he didn't care what I really looked like. Then he jokingly added that his words went against a man's nature, sounding very fake, haha.

But he didn't know that everyone around me knew that thirty-three-year-old Qiao Baobao possessed the vibrant, youthful beauty of a twenty-year-old.

In the S city government, this was a story that made men yearn for it and women envious and jealous.

Many people have asked me about my secret to eternal youth; I just laugh and say I was born this way, there's no secret.

How could there be no secret? In the years before I turned twenty, I was a gloomy ugly duckling for a long time, and I didn't even have a proper first love. But in the days and nights after I turned twenty, my heart underwent profound changes, while my appearance, like a phoenix rising from the ashes, remained steadfast in the beautiful allure of youth, never to move forward.

So, when Cheng Zheng first saw my true face at the airport, he stared at me with wide eyes, unable to easily reconcile the image of a thirty-three-year-old single woman with that of a twenty-year-old girl.

And all of this begins with my family, continuing to this year, explaining why I have become the Qiao Baobao I am today.

Everyone, from birth to death, bears the same name, representing the same person. But in reality, each individual life has long since transformed into many different selves, their inner journey determining their outward behavior, their values being either overturned or reshaped.

Those dark days I've endured still occasionally wake me in the dead of night, tears streaming down my face.

The year 2000 was a year many had eagerly awaited—the year of the new century.

I remember in 1986, during my first-grade Chinese class, a privately-employed teacher jokingly told us that when he was in junior high, his political science teacher had told them with boundless anticipation that by the year 2000, our country would have basically crossed the threshold of communism. At that time, ordinary people would be freed from heavy manual labor, robots would serve us in all jobs, and we would each have a car, eat well, dress well, and leisurely stroll around the streets, travel… When we ran out of gas, we would go to the gas station, and a robot would fill up the tank for us without spending a penny…

But when the year 2000 actually arrived, for ordinary people, it was just like every other ordinary day before, passing by uneventfully and peacefully, only to slip away completely without any meaning at any moment.

That year, as I was about to graduate from university, I was burying myself in books like a penitent preparing for graduate school entrance exams.

Back then, I was very thin, like a withered flower bud that never bloomed, hiding drably among the vibrant green leaves of my peers, ignored by others and ignored by myself.

I wore the cheapest clothes, had the most outdated straight hair, didn't know how to do makeup, didn't know how to interact with people, and had no hobbies other than reading.

In my youth, I never had a dreamlike, pure first love; instead, like a groundhog afraid to see the sun, I hid in my own little burrow, foolishly harboring a secret crush on a delinquent named Fu Shi.

In 1992, in my first year of junior high, I was like a weak bean sprout, deeply bewitched by Fu Shi, the most notorious bad student in the whole school, in my third-year class. I fell hopelessly in love with him, infatuated with him, just like that popular saying on Weibo now: "In youth, who hasn't loved a scumbag or two?"

I'll talk about Fu Shi later; let's start by remembering why I suddenly chose to take the civil service exam in 2000.

In 1986, when I was six, my father, who had married into the family, had an affair that my mother discovered. She was a strong-willed woman and couldn't bear the betrayal and humiliation of her devoted love. She poisoned my father's drink, and they both died from it.

In the autumn of 2000, my maternal grandmother, my only family, suddenly fell critically ill and was taken to the county hospital by villagers. When I rushed back to the hospital from school, I found my critically ill grandmother

in a very ordinary eight-bed ward. Patients were urinating and defecating in the room, creating a foul odor. The patients and their families in this ward all wore sorrowful faces, displaying a resigned indifference to this undignified state of life. I knelt before my grandmother's bedside, weeping, wanting to move her to a ward with fewer beds, since the cost of an eight-bed ward was the same as a four-bed ward. I saw that a patient had just been discharged from the four-bed ward, leaving a vacant bed. If I had even a little bit of influence, I could have easily transferred my grandmother to a better ward. But at the time, I had nothing—no money, no power, no connections. I could only watch helplessly as an elderly woman in the same ward, whose daughter worked in a government agency, successfully moved to that room. The other patients sighed, "Ah, she has some real power after all. Unlike us ordinary folks, we can't even exchange a single word with her in the hospital." My grandmother spent the last moments of her life in that crowded, noisy, dirty, and chaotic ward, filled with the stench of body odor and excrement. Perhaps many people in society die in such environments, and perhaps many helpless families choose to accept it indifferently. But if you haven't personally experienced the heartbreaking feeling of losing your only loved one in such terrible conditions, you won't understand the self-blame and grief I felt at that time. Late at night on August 3, 2000, my grandmother awoke from her coma, tightly grasped my hand, and silently shed tears. With the last strength of her life, she said to me, "Baby, we're all gone now. From now on, you must take good care of yourself. Keep this little booklet your grandparents left you safe. Don't look at it or learn from it unless absolutely necessary, understand? Grandma's leaving, my baby..." Late that night, alone and helpless, I sobbed uncontrollably in the quiet hospital room. I had seen the little booklet my grandmother mentioned when I was little. It had no words, only some hieroglyphic-like pictures engraved on a few pages of parchment. Back then, my grandmother wouldn't let me look at it, saying that good girls shouldn't read such things. I was curious and asked my mother what was drawn in it. My mother said it taught women how to take care of themselves, and if they followed the instructions, they would stay young forever. I asked my mother, "Then why didn't Grandma let me and you learn from it? Why didn't Grandma learn it herself?" I didn't want my grandmother to grow old. My mother gently hugged me and said, "You're too young to understand. As for Grandma and me, we just want to live a simple life, to be ordinary women. There's no need for us to learn." But my father's betrayal of the marriage shattered my mother's ideal of a simple life. She chose a decisive break, like a snapping string, playing the final, extraordinary note of her life. At my grandmother's funeral, only Uncle Qiao Zhuang, our neighbor, and a few kind villagers helped me bury her in the Qiao family ancestral graveyard. Because my father married into the Qiao family, I took my mother's surname, Qiao. Beside my grandmother's grave are buried my deceased grandfather, father, and mother. Uncle Qiao and his wife pulled me up, having cried until I had no more tears left. They patted my shoulder and said, "Child, don't be sad. If you're like this, your grandparents won't be at peace in the afterlife. Life goes on. Work hard, find a good young man, get married, have a child, and you'll have a long and happy life ahead of you! Uncle Qiao's house will be your family home from now on!" After thanking the elderly couple, I left the desolate and remote cemetery and walked alone towards the town bus station to catch a bus back to school. On Lingshan Mountain, northeast of the town, a new commercial cemetery had been built. Nestled against the mountain and facing the water, it was said that an ordinary burial plot there was enough for an average farming family to live on for ten years. I saw a long line of black cars escorting a luxuriously decorated hearse, a grand procession playing mournful music as it drove towards the cemetery. Passersby all stood on the side of the road, glancing sideways. An honest, haggard-looking farmer said enviously, "I heard that's the hearse for the father of the top official in some county bureau. Look how grand his death is! He died with more fanfare than us. Tsk tsk, our lives are as worthless as grass." On August 5, 2000, at that moment, I suddenly changed my mind about continuing my postgraduate studies and decided to take the civil service exam, which was just becoming popular in the area at the turn of the century. For someone from a poor family, whose life had always been mundane and even as insignificant as grass, I didn't really understand the civil service profession. I simply thought that if I wanted to enter the elite class in the future, I had to at least cross the threshold to reach it, right? You see, the reasons for the changes and opportunities in a person's fate are sometimes so ridiculous, naive, simple, and even vulgar. What solidified my low-minded determination was a woman in the village named Xiao Xiaofeng. She was almost a persistent ghost in my childhood and adolescence. She wasn't pretty, but my grandmother, mother, and all the women and men in the town said she was very seductive. She had an uncle who was the deputy county head, and that alone was enough for her to run rampant in our small town. She was thirty-two and unmarried, brazenly seducing all sorts of men—anyone she fancied, including my father. So, she was the invisible killer who led to the deaths of both my parents. Because of her interference in my parents' lives, my six-year-old grandmother and I were left to fend for ourselves, impoverished, insecure, and vulnerable to bullying. If it weren't for the constant financial support from our neighbor, Uncle Qiaozhuang's family, my grandmother might have died much earlier from overwork, and I would never have been able to go to university.

I was about to leave town when I saw Uncle Qiao Zhuang, who had just helped with my grandmother's funeral, running frantically towards the town's police station, wailing all the while.

His aged body, topped with gray hair, staggered, but he ran with astonishing speed.

Many people, bewildered, gathered around the police station, and I followed.

There lay the body of Uncle Qiao Zhuang's son, Qiao Kang.

Qiao Kang had been working away from home. When he returned to visit, Xiao Xiaofeng targeted him, harassing him. When he refused, she became enraged and falsely accused him of rape.

Qiao Kang was taken to the police station for questioning, and after two nights and a day without returning home, he mysteriously died in the interrogation room. The police said he died suddenly from a venous thrombosis that entered his lungs.

His son was dead, the case unsolved, and then Uncle Qiao Zhuang's four houses suddenly burst into a terrible fire, burning to ashes.

Kind people secretly advised the elderly couple to take it easy, that they couldn't afford to offend the woman surnamed Xiao, and to let go of their son's case—it was like an egg trying to break a rock; they should save their lives to raise their grandson, Qiqi.

Devastated, Uncle Qiao lost his voice overnight, becoming mute. Aunt Qiao's hair turned white overnight, and she went blind. Her daughter-in-law cruelly left this utterly destroyed family.

I gave Uncle Qiao the keys to my family's several dilapidated rooms, letting them move in. The old man's eyes were vacant, his tears already dried. I hugged Aunt Qiao and cried, saying, "From now on, I'm your granddaughter."

I didn't say anything more, only silently pondering in my heart, "Woman surnamed Xiao, will you have the last laugh…?"

After returning to school, I began frantically studying for the civil service exam with a female classmate who was also bad at romance.

Her name was Hu Hehe. We chose the same career path back then, and she became my only best friend over the years, but later our romantic trajectories diverged drastically.

She was a warm, cheerful, and intelligent girl, a student council member with a slightly tomboyish personality. The boys jokingly said she was better suited as a buddy than a romantic partner.

Our friendship began on May 28, 1999. Late at night, she went to the dormitory platform to collect some underwear she'd forgotten to take in. She heard me standing alone on the platform, facing the starry sky, softly singing song after song.

Those were beautiful love songs, the kind I'd never experienced myself, and they moved me to tears.

That night, the stars were bright, the spring breeze was gentle, and Hehe was deeply touched by my singing and my solitary tears. She rushed forward and hugged me warmly, saying sincerely, "

Qiao

Baobao, I'm the first person to discover your amazing potential! You should participate in a singing competition; don't bury your beautiful voice!"

I smiled shyly and quietly said, "I just want to be an ordinary girl, to have a beautiful and lasting love. I don't have the energy to do anything more."

Starting on the evening of May 28, 1999, Hu Hehe and I became inseparable best friends. At the time, I,

an ordinary and unremarkable girl, fell deeply in love with the kind-hearted and very popular Hehe. To participate in the provincial selection exam for

civil servants, I first had to pass the school's review. At that time, I was just an ordinary girl, a member of the Youth League, with no outstanding achievements, used to being alone, and had no effective connections with the school. Hu Hehe was already a Party member and a student union cadre; her review was straightforward. To ensure I could participate in the exam smoothly, she acted as a go-between, quickly strengthening communication with the school.

That evening, Hehe treated the school leader in charge of the review to dinner, asking him to help approve my somewhat flimsy application.

Hehe had never drunk red wine before, but that night, for me, she went to great lengths, ordering a bottle of red wine costing several hundred yuan. However, she was allergic to red wine; after only two sips, she was completely drunk and passed out, falling soundly asleep on the sofa.

In the quiet hotel private room, only the school leader and I remained.

That day felt like a nightmare; I don't want to recall the exact date.

The school leader, surnamed Chen, was in his forties, quite refined-looking, wearing sophisticated glasses. His smile was gentle, but a fleeting glint lurked in his eyes behind those glasses, and his gaze sent a chill down my spine.

We had both been drinking; my face must have been flushed. When I saw Hehe pass out, I hurriedly stood up and said, "Teacher Chen, I'm sorry, Hehe is drunk. We have to go back now. I'm leaving my affairs in your care."

At that moment, I dared not look people in the eye when I spoke, and my voice trembled, like a shy mimosa that easily closes its head.

Chen also stood up from his chair, looking at me with a half-smile, walked up to me, stopped, and remained silent.

A sense of oppressive adult male presence enveloped me, and I began to tremble involuntarily, my head drooping even lower.

Suddenly, a hand reached down to my chin; the warm touch of male skin made my whole body stiffen, my teeth chattered uncontrollably, and I passively looked up at him.

He lifted my chin with his finger, placed his other hand on my forehead, and brushed aside the hair that usually covered half my face. A playful smile played on his lips as he scrutinized me intently.

I looked at him nervously, my lips trembling as I stammered, "Teacher Chen, you...?"

His hand gently caressed my face, deliberately rubbing my earlobe. His fingers brushed against my lips, sending shivers down my spine. Instinctively, I wanted to run away, but I found myself as if under a spell; my legs went weak, and my body was beyond my control.

He lowered his head, bringing his breath close to my ear, and whispered, "I didn't expect you to have such a good foundation. You're like a rough gem hidden beneath a stone, a little beauty in the making. Hehe... You know, there are many students who want to pass the review, but you don't meet almost any of the requirements. I'm asking you, do you really want to take this exam that could change your destiny?"

I almost cried, feeling utterly hopeless. He hit all my weak points. If I wanted to escape this fate of being at the mercy of others in the future, I really needed to take this exam.

At the time, I didn't know that I could directly exchange my youth for the favor of powerful men and thus succeed or rise in status. I only knew the foolish and naive idea of relying on my so-called real abilities and taking the exam to change my fate.

My tears streamed down, washing over my face, which I never wore makeup. I pleaded softly, "Teacher Chen, please help me."

He pushed me against the wall. I had nowhere to retreat and passively watched his playful gaze. His eyes gleamed with the light of a hunter. His fingers continued to press against my lips, saying, "You look even more charming when you cry. Hehe, I like it."

As he spoke, he pinched my chin tightly, tilted his head, and began to tentatively kiss me.

His lips brushed against mine, and I trembled all over. I instinctively wanted to push him away, but he continued to tease me relentlessly, his hands covering my breasts, which were tightly bound inside my clothes.

My sobs grew clearer as I struggled between him and the wall, pleading, "Teacher Chen, please, please don't. I'll repay you properly after I get a job."

Chen continued to touch my lips with his, saying wickedly, "But I like immediate repayment, hehe. Don't worry, I won't really touch you, I just want to play with you. Whether you do it or not is up to you. If you don't agree, I'll let you go right now." He

held back

, then looked up at me maliciously, the flames in his eyes seeming to devour me.

Tears streamed down my face, and I could only murmur, "No, please help me, no."

Chen wasn't in a hurry. He was very patient, continuing to enjoy my pitiful crying. His fingers lingered on my lips, wiping away the tears that dripped into the corners of my mouth, while his other hand circled and pressed on my breasts. He said, "Don't be afraid. Just do as I say, and I won't really touch you, okay?"

I shook my head, looking at him, not understanding what he meant.

He brought his mouth close to my ear and uttered a word.

I trembled with shame, and tears streamed down my face like a waterfall.

He waited a while, and seeing that I was still struggling with my thoughts, he lost patience and began to slip one hand inside my clothes, touching my skin.

My whole body stiffened, a wave of shame washing over me, but I gritted my teeth and endured it.

His hand groped inside my clothes for a while, finally skillfully unhooking my bra. My tender breasts fell into his clutches, and I let out a suppressed moan. At that moment, I wished I could faint and forget everything.

His fingers teased and kneaded my nipples, praising them with pleasure, "So tight, feels so good. Looks like you weren't lying, you really haven't been in a relationship yet. Ah, I really want to be inside you completely."

His other hand tried to slip under my skirt, and I nervously grabbed his wrist, resisting, "No, no! I can only accept what you do for me, please."

He cursed, weighed his options, perhaps knowing that if he pushed me too far, I would give up begging and choose to back out, so he stopped trying to slip under my skirt and urgently commanded me, "Alright, hurry up, be sensible, serve me!"

Silently, tears streamed down my face as I obediently knelt before him. His hands continued to linger on my breasts, kneading my youthful curves, while his other hand lifted my chin, ordering me to look up at him and do it for him.

My eyes were filled with tears, obscuring his sinful face, and I tremblingly unzipped his pants.

He groaned, and when my hand touched him, his body was already hard as stone. It was my first time touching a man's unfamiliar territory; fear, tension, despair overwhelmed me.

I forced myself to obey his demands, suppressing my tears, looking at him pitifully and passively, opening my innocent mouth.

When my tongue touched his sinful touch, he shuddered comfortably, restraining himself as he said, "Great, your little mouth has never been touched by a man before, has it?"

I shook my head, wanting only to end this shameful ordeal as quickly as possible, awkwardly following his instructions, moving haphazardly on his body.

Those ten minutes felt like an eternity to me. My mind was completely blank; I couldn't remember exactly how I did it to him, only mechanically moving my lips and tongue, constantly moving my head back and forth.

His hand pressed hard on my head, groaning wickedly, muttering vulgarities, deliberately humiliating my submissive state. Seeing the tears streaming down my face and my grotesque movements brought him immense satisfaction and pleasure.

When that unfamiliar substance finally sprayed mercilessly onto my chest, he breathed heavily with relief, clutching his own guilty body tightly.

I collapsed at his feet, sobbing uncontrollably. He caught his breath for a moment, straightened his clothes, and walked away.

When Hehe sobered up, I was still lying on the ground, silently weeping. During that time, one thought kept replaying in my mind: Die! Die! Die! If I died, I wouldn't have to suffer this humiliation and pain anymore. If I died, I could be with my grandmother and mother.

Hehe weakly rushed to my side, asking what was wrong. "Where's Chen?"

I cried my heart out, telling her what had happened. I said I didn't want to take the exam anymore; I was afraid he would continue to make things difficult for me.

But if I gave up the opportunity to take the civil service exam, what other better way out did I have to change my fate in 2000?

Hehe angrily cursed and cried with me.

But after crying, she firmly said, "You must take the exam!" For ordinary girls like us from small towns, taking the civil service exam is a difficult path, but it might also be a path where we can rise above our circumstances or have a comfortable job and a peaceful life. Changing our cruelly manipulated fate is up to us.

I asked her helplessly, "What should we do? How could that Chen guy easily agree to my request?" Hehe, however, gritted her teeth and sneered, "Damn it, it seems I was right to keep this up. That Chen

guy usually acts all respectable, but I've always sensed a wolf in sheep's clothing in his eyes, and I was right. Damn it! If he dares to make a move, we'll fight him to the death!" As she spoke, she turned back to the sofa where she had been lying, picked up her bag, and pulled out a small, spinning tape recorder. Back then, Hu Hehe had more social experience and was more adept at handling people than I was. She had even prepared a trap beforehand, secretly recording the moment she passed out drunk! In March 2001, I successfully registered for the provincial selection exam for civil servants. In April, I took the written exam, somewhat bewildered. After the exam, I met a girl named Dong Qing. She was beautiful and enthusiastic, and quickly became acquainted with Hehe and me. She bluntly stated that the interview was very important, especially the need to quickly improve one's appearance and demeanor. For those of us without connections or background, it was crucial to make a strong impression on the interviewer. She had already paid for a specialized interview coaching class. Hehe noncommittally replied that time was too short, and cultivating good manners wasn't something that could be done overnight. Last-minute cramming was unlikely to be effective; proper preparation for the interview questions was more important. Hehe's overall qualifications were better than mine. If she didn't succeed in the civil service exam, her father, who worked in the county government, could help arrange a decent job for her. But for me, it was truly a do-or-die situation. I didn't want to lose, I couldn't afford to lose, and I had no better way out. I'd had enough of the agonizing, bitter life like Uncle Qiao. During that time, I was obsessed, preparing for interviews and racking my brains to study the little parchment scroll my grandmother had left me. At the time, I had no idea how that booklet had ended up in the Qiao family, nor did I understand how to decipher it, because neither my grandmother nor my mother had ever let me directly touch it. Later, as more people entered my life, I learned about the booklet's history. Before she passed away, my grandmother said that the reason she made me study this little parchment scroll so diligently was because I had no other family left in the world. She didn't want me to live a life of hardship; she hoped that by studying this booklet, I could prolong my youth, so that I could live longer and be more vibrant. On the evening of April 15, 2001, I opened that mysterious booklet for the first time with a serious attitude. Looking at the pictographic drawings and symbols that resembled incantations, I felt a sudden inspiration, as if I had been drawn into a wondrous and eerie dream world. That night, none of the girls in the dormitory were there; some were busy with their impending, passionate love affairs before graduation, others were busy job hunting, and some were doing internships. I was the only one left in the room. The temperature that night, nearing mid-spring, was unusually high, as if early summer had arrived. Several single-petaled cherry blossoms outside the third-floor window were in full bloom, like the passionate love of youth. I lay in bed, holding the booklet, in the warm spring night, my mind wandering, as if I were in a virtual world. My body and mind no longer belonged to me; within me stirred the mysterious language of the beginning of all things.

I stripped naked and stood by the window. Moonlight streamed in, casting a soft glow on my porcelain-like skin.

My eyes were glazed, my hands roaming over my body, scrutinizing my form.

My body, usually shrouded in cheap clothes, was so beautiful, more alluring than the cherry blossoms outside the window. I had simply hidden it so well, no one, including myself, had ever seen its true beauty. My

cone-shaped breasts, like full lotus pods, were elegant and proud, their nipples round and firm, a translucent pink. My fingers touched them, and two currents of electricity coursed through me like a stream, reaching my toes. I couldn't help but moan softly.

I was so glad that the despicable Chen De hadn't seen their true form.

My hands slid from my breasts, tracing the curves to my abdomen, where it was flat, firm, and nestled in an oval, teardrop-shaped navel.

My fingers caressed it tenderly, and a spasm ran through my body.

For the first time, I realized that touching skin could bring such a wondrous physical sensation.

I didn't have the courage to look into the closed area between my legs; my hand lingered there for a long time before finally shyly withdrawing it. Inside, there was a deep surge of desire and an unspeakable longing.

Chen's sinful body flashed through my mind.

I bit my lower lip tightly, a sharp pain shooting through me. I thought, one day, I will take my revenge on him!

And on that woman surnamed Xiao.

The day I was humiliated by Chen, after returning from the hotel, I ran to the bathroom and dry heaved for a long time, brushing my teeth for an hour until my gums and lips were swollen.

My pure and beautiful lips, lips that had never even tasted the flavor of love, how dare he filthily defile and defile them?!

Starting on the evening of April 15, 2001, I began to diligently study that little sheepskin manual, creating my own breathing techniques, lifting my buttocks and tightening my genitals, contracting my abdomen and anus, and following the instructions in the diagrams to perform acupressure, massage, and manipulation of certain meridians and acupoints throughout my body, while also cultivating subtle expressions of emotion in my eyes, brows, and gestures.

That kind of study was merely a beginner's dabbling.

Later, it proved that the booklet's breadth of knowledge was beyond my comprehension. Its seemingly simple diagrams contained profound and mysterious things; I thought that even a lifetime wouldn't be enough to fully understand it.

At that time, I hadn't truly experienced the pleasures of men and women; I was just exploring and pondering in a daze.

It was fate that I didn't go astray.

I made a do-or-die decision: to fully grasp its essence, I had to wait until my virginity was lost for it to be truly effective! Where was the man I was willing to give my first time to? Who could he be?

Over the past decade, this little booklet has not only brought me a complete transformation in appearance and spirit, but also many unexpected benefits...

If this booklet had not been in the hands of an honest person like my grandmother, but had fallen into the hands of an ambitious and unscrupulous person, the impact on the world would have been one disaster after another.

Sometimes I wonder, should such a mysterious and dangerous thing be allowed to continue to exist in the world? I am glad that my intelligence is not very high, and that I only used its beneficial parts.

In 2000, I could not have foreseen what that seemingly simple but actually incredibly complex little booklet would bring me in the years to come...

A sheep enters the tiger's mouth, a spy within a spy.

On May 12, 2001, Dong Qing asked me to go with her to meet someone in charge of interviews. She said that she had finally managed to befriend him, figured out his preferences, and knew that he loved to sing loudly and was the kind of person who would talk about anything as soon as he touched the microphone.

She wanted to go to karaoke with him alone, but felt uneasy. Hearing from Hu Hehe that I had a good voice, she wanted me to go with her to give her courage.

I was conflicted, unsure whether to go.

In my twenty years of life experience, I knew nothing about men. My closest man—my father—passed away when I was six, and I never had the chance to understand their characteristics firsthand.

I didn't tell Hehe that I was going to accompany Dong Qing to meet Liu, the interviewer. Since the Chen incident, Hehe had rejected such risky private social interactions.

But in just a few months, psychologically, I was no longer the pitiful and foolish Qiao Baobao I had been with Chen.

Dong Qing and I went to a less popular karaoke room to avoid attention.

I wore very ordinary clothes, nothing fancy in terms of color, smell, or taste; they made me look like a malnourished country nanny. My hair was deliberately unwashed, like oily noodles, draped over my shoulders, covering half my face. My face was stiff and reserved, lacking any of the lively charm a girl should have.

After meeting me, Dong Qing insisted on taking me to her place to redo my appearance, forcing me to at least tie my hair up in a ponytail and show my face

, which I politely declined, feigning shyness. I could tell she was very displeased with my appearance, saying that the interviewer wouldn't have a good impression of me at all.

I stayed with her in the private room. The man finally arrived. I only glanced at him; he looked similar to Chen, also appearing refined and gentlemanly.

I felt a little bewildered. No wonder my grandmother worriedly said before she died, "Baby, leaving you alone in this world feels like leaving a lamb that can't run alone in a wilderness teeming with wolves."

Having witnessed Chen's ugliness, facing Liu now, I wondered, are all men wolves in sheep's clothing? Including my father, who died because of his infidelity?

Dong Qing enthusiastically recommended my good voice to Liu, but after glancing at me a few times, Liu showed no interest in my drab appearance, his expression revealing displeasure.

Dong Qing, having no other choice, tried to liven things up, smiling sweetly as she drank and talked with Liu, while also giving me knowing looks, urging me to perform well and sing a few songs.

Not wanting to completely dampen Liu's spirits, I grabbed the microphone and chose a few standard, sentimental tunes to sing.

The soft female voice and hazy music immediately created an ambiguous atmosphere in the dimly lit private room.

Dong Qing sat next to Liu, dressed quite fashionably and professionally; it seemed her paid interview coaching classes had been very effective.

A delicate white blouse hugged her voluptuous figure; the blouse was rather tight, and because of her posture, it peeked out slightly, revealing a glimpse of her black bra.

She wore a short, narrow skirt, her legs in stockings alluringly exposed to Liu's gaze.

As I sang, I caught a glimpse out of the corner of my eye that Liu's hand had intentionally or unintentionally landed on Dong Qing's leg. She blushed, wanting to pull away but too afraid to, forced a smile, her expression showing a hint

of anxiety. A subtle, almost imperceptible smile crept onto my lips. Without making a sound, I sang off-key, my voice growing increasingly slurred and low, clearly showing signs of alcohol poisoning. Finally, I slumped rather ungracefully onto the sofa in the corner of the private room.

I heard Liu chuckle and whisper to Dong Qing, "This is the girl you introduced to me? Bringing a girl like this to meet me is so insincere! What are you planning to do? Hehe."

Dong Qing's voice softened, "I'm sorry, her... I didn't expect her to be so unpresentable. She's actually quite pretty, and very innocent and cute, just doesn't know how to dress. You've heard her sing, haven't you? You said you like girls with naturally beautiful voices, right?"

Under the guise of alcohol, Liu began to grope Dong Qing. "I think she's not as innocent and cute as you, haha. I don't want to hear a good singing voice now, I want to hear a good moaning voice. How about it? You invited me here, and she didn't keep me company. How about you take her place?"

Dong Qing struggled in his arms, anxiously protesting, "Please, please don't! We agreed it was you with her..."

Liu had already pushed her onto the sofa, panting, "I don't want to be with her, I want to be with you! Do you even want to pass this interview? You went to so much trouble to find me, you should know my influence, right? Are you willing to give up halfway?"

Dong Qing was like a small animal caught in a tiger's den, with no way out. She pleaded pitifully, "Please don't be angry. Of course I want your help, but I'm not a virgin, you know. She's really never been in a relationship before. I... I have a boyfriend. You won't look down on me and back out, will you?"

The shameless

Liu had already torn open her clothes, his mouth pressed against her breasts, licking and kissing them. "Now, I don't care if you're a virgin or not. You drugged my drink, didn't you? I'm about to explode! You have to put out this fire for me!"

Dong Qing whimpered desperately, still making a last, futile resistance, but her voice revealed extreme desire. As her clothes were peeled away in Liu's hands, her struggles turned into suppressed moans.

Meanwhile, I, lying on the sofa in another corner, hadn't actually fallen asleep. I witnessed their indecent behavior the whole time.

Just now, when they weren't looking, I had switched the wine glass Dong Qing had poured for me with hers.

Otherwise, it would probably be the innocent me, burning with desire, pinned beneath Liu.

Low, languid music filled the private room, but it couldn't mask the rough, labored breathing emanating from the man and woman on the sofa so close together.

Dong Qing had indeed been in several relationships and was no longer a virgin, so, fueled by the drugged wine, she no longer had the willpower to truly resist Liu's wanton plundering of her.

I didn't want to witness their shameful act, but I couldn't resist my curiosity. Listening to their suppressed moans, I felt as if countless tiny ants were crawling all over my body, restlessly burrowing into every crevice, making my bones and nerves feel hot, itchy, and numb.

I buried my face in the sofa beside me, secretly squinting at Dong Qing.

Her shirt had been completely ripped open by Liu, and her black bra had been pushed up, revealing a pair of round breasts in front of him. He was burying his face in them, making smacking sounds as he sucked on them, his hands groping haphazardly all over Dong Qing's body.

I clenched my fists tightly, afraid to make a sound or move. The throbbing inside me felt like my whole body was on fire, a hot, itchy stream flowing down my lower abdomen, making my crotch a wet, muddy mess.

Dong Qing's brows furrowed, her red lips parted, and she kept letting out moans of unbearable pleasure, her hands weakly running through Liu's hair.

Liu pulled her tight skirt up to her stomach, and I saw him pull off her underwear and throw it on the ground. His strong body spread her legs apart.

Dong Qing obediently wrapped her legs around his waist. Liu's hand reached down and moved around on his belt for a few moments, then suddenly he thrust his hips down forcefully, and the two of them let out suppressed moans.

The sound seeped into my heart like a curse, and my body convulsed. A hot stream gushed out between my legs. In my daze, my heart pounded wildly, not understanding why I was reacting like this.

Liu's body began to thrust rapidly against Dong Qing's, his movements vigorous and powerful. Dong Qing was completely captivated by the drugged wine and the man, letting out seductive moans, her mind hazy as she murmured Liu's job title and name, pleading with him to find a way to help her pass the interview.

Liu, sweating profusely and panting heavily, said, "Don't worry, baby, as long as you behave and let me enjoy you like this often, I won't mistreat you. Damn, it feels so good. I never thought a college student like you could be so alluring."

Dong Qing thrust her insatiable body forward while fawning over him, trying her best to please him. The sounds and movements they made almost made me, trapped on the sofa beside them, want to struggle to stay still.

I don't know how long they did it, until Dong Qing seemed to have passed out from the intense pleasure, then Liu got off her, tidied his clothes, and left.

I continued to lie there pretending to be asleep. Dong Qing slumped on the sofa and rested for a while before struggling to sit up, tidying her disheveled clothes. She got up and walked over to me, slapping me a few times rudely, and said coldly, "Hey, Qiao Baobao, how long are you going to stay drunk? Honestly, if I had known this would happen, who would have brought you here?"

I got up from the sofa, casually stuffing something under me into my bag, and pretended to be dazed, rubbing my eyes, saying, "Wasn't I singing? How did I fall asleep? Where's Liu?"

Dong Qing walked out indifferently, saying, "He's gone. I didn't expect you to be so unpresentable. I think your interview is definitely over. You're not suited for this path. You should just hurry up and find an ordinary job and live an ordinary life."

I followed her out of the karaoke room, letting her talk, remaining silent.

She was too lazy to talk to me anymore, and after reaching the roadside, she took a taxi and left.

I walked alone to the deserted bus stop, my legs weak and utterly powerless. My skirt was soaked through, as if I were the girl who had just been drugged and tormented.

Back in the empty dorm room, I turned on the small tape recorder in my bag and pressed play. The recording, now

in control

, filled with a cacophony of sounds: men and women breathing heavily, moaning, crying out, and engaging in obscene conversations.

My body, still aroused,

began to heat up again. I had learned the art of recording evidence perfectly from Hehe.

I wasn't sure if it would work, but for me back then, this was the most rudimentary method of espionage I could manage.

Hehe had once told me that to judge whether someone harbored murderous intent or dark thoughts, one had to be adept at capturing fleeting glimpses in their eyes and analyzing the subtle clues revealed in their words.

We may not harbor malicious intentions, but we must learn to be wary of others.

When Dong Qing and Hehe first met me, they were both very warm and cheerful. But feelings are a mysterious thing, and I knew that the affection they would give me would be completely different.

Dong Qing wanted to secretly "sell" me to Liu in order to get us both interviewed, but she never expected that I, seemingly from the countryside, would have a heart that was almost like a "rebel."

Since she was heartless, I had no choice but to be unrighteous in return.

Listening to the sounds from the tape recorder, I lay on the dark bed, closed my eyes, and silently and repressively caressed my pure body with my hands.

I brushed past my nipples, across my lower abdomen, and landed on that mysterious wet ground.

There, the desire of a young girl was always full and overflowing, and my fingers finally couldn't resist touching it.

A surge of heat instantly flowed out, and I let out a low moan.

That feeling was bone-chilling and soul-crushing.

On May 13, 2001, when cell phones were not yet widespread, I used a public phone to call Dong Qing.

She answered the phone listlessly, as if she no longer wanted to talk to me. Just as she was about to hang up, she was startled by the tape I was playing and lost her composure.

She questioned me angrily and agitatedly.

But shouldn't I be the one more furious and questioning her? Wasn't her initial intention to sell my virginity to get favors from Liu?

Now, I've returned the favor in kind; she, as her teacher, should appreciate how well I've learned.

Dong Qing, utterly dejected and filled with regret, could only compromise.

She dared not tell Liu that I had framed them both, that I had evidence of his infidelity.

She feared that his vengeance would implicate her.

In the end, she could only weakly ask me to promise that once she had dealt with Liu and gotten him to help us both pass the interviews, I must return the original recording to her.

I said okay, don't worry, I didn't want to create too much trouble or inner turmoil for myself.

She knew I might keep a copy to blackmail her later, but she had lost the initiative and could only gamble that I wasn't as morally bankrupt as she was.

Dong Qing quickly forgot her frustration at having lost more than she gained.

She was smart; she knew it was better to win me over than to make me an enemy. We were both girls navigating society alone, and having an ally was more advantageous than having an enemy.

At the beginning of our lives, we quickly became more complex and mature.

In just two days, I don't know how she managed to win over that hypocritical Liu, but in any case, on May 16, 2001, Dong Qing and I both passed the interview.

After passing all the medical examinations and reviews, we just waited for our job assignments. Dong Qing, Hu Hehe, and I celebrated with drinks, and I secretly gave her the copy of the tape.

Dong Qing, emboldened by the alcohol, laughed and cried, half-jokingly saying, "Baby, I have high hopes for you! I didn't expect this... haha, I like making friends with smart people. Let's forget everything from before. From now on, we should still help each other."

She knew I might always have leverage over her copy of the tape. Without sufficient animosity and conflicting interests, perhaps we could truly continue being friends peacefully, as she said, mutually beneficial and supportive.

Hehe didn't understand Dong Qing's meaning, and casually said, "Okay, we'll share joys and sorrows from now on, we'll be soulmates. I wish you both success as outstanding female cadres in the future, cheers!"

Hehe didn't pass the interview; she chose to return to her hometown county and take an ordinary job—a low starting point, but a safe one. Her motivation for applying for the provincial selection exam was different from mine; she genuinely wanted to make a difference in the political arena.

Whether then or now, I believe that my dear friend Hu Hehe has the ability; her heart is as strong as any man's, and she possesses an innate sense of justice. If society today could employ more people like her to hold positions crucial to the national economy and people's livelihood, I believe our country would be prosperous and strong.

However, reality always contradicts our simple thoughts.

After drinking, Dong Qing got completely drunk and cried, saying that she genuinely wanted to thank me. If it weren't for my interference, she wouldn't have been willing to break up with her boyfriend of three years.

Through this civil service exam experience, she had to painfully admit that she and her boyfriend were not suitable, and that breaking up sooner was better than later. He was a guy without much ambition, only wanting a simple life; their values were bound to diverge, and in crucial moments, she couldn't count on him for anything.

On the way, I met the male mayor of the town

and whispered in her ear, "Qing'er, I sincerely hope you don't fall too deep into a man like Liu. We've used him once, and that's enough. You understand what I mean, right?"

Dong Qing looked at the city night sky with a dazed expression and murmured, "I understand, but, baby, most of the time, we're not in control of our own lives."

Hehe returned to her hometown early. We parted in tears at the station. She hugged me tightly, saying repeatedly, "Don't keep things to yourself. You must tell me, and I'll help you make decisions."

I just cried. At that moment, I truly felt that there was no one I could trust anymore, and I had truly become a lonely little lamb in the wilderness.

So many years have passed, and I am now very capable in the workplace. But many times, I still feel like the fragile and indecisive Qiao Baobao of yesteryear, calling Hu Hehe, who lives far away in X County, to confide in her when I'm too exhausted to bear it anymore.

She always brings me the positive energy I need.

On July 22, 2001, I returned to my hometown village to pay respects at the graves of my maternal grandparents, parents, and other relatives.

Uncle Qiao and Aunt Qiao, with their young grandson, lived in the few small, dilapidated rooms of my house, resignedly continuing to toil in the fields, leading seemingly hopeless lives.

I heard that Xiao Xiaofeng had gone to the county town to become the mistress of an old Taiwanese man.

I stroked Qiqi's little head and whispered, "Qiqi, Auntie must make something of herself and avenge your father."

I walked away from the village again, heading towards the town bus station.

Passing by Fu Shi's house in the town, I stood on the street, staring at the door for a moment, my heart filled with the last melancholy of adolescence.

I heard he went to work in the city after graduating from junior high school, and I never heard from him again.

In school, he only flirted with pretty and flirtatious girls. The ugly duckling-like, gloomy Qiao Baobao must never have appeared in his memory.

Who could have imagined that we would meet again in such a high-profile manner a few years later…

On July 26, 2001, I and a group of other selected graduates reported to the Provincial Party Committee Organization Department and Personnel Bureau. On August 3, I was assigned to Liuchuan Town, a township under W City, which is under the jurisdiction

of S City. Dong Qing was assigned to a street office in W City.

I didn't know if her destination was related to Liu. Although W City was only a county-level city, it was still a small city. Dong Qing's starting point was higher than mine.

Liuchuan Town was located in a mountainous area. Those days were spent on flood relief, and no one came to pick me up to report. I wanted to settle down as soon as possible, so I took a bus to that unfamiliar township.

The bus stopped three miles from the town government's location because the road ahead had been washed away by the flood, and large buses could not pass.

Carrying simple luggage and dragging a suitcase, I trudged along the deserted mountain road towards my unknown destination.

A motorcycle chugped up from behind. The driver, a tall, muscular man in his forties, his clothes stained with mud, stopped and asked which village I was from and where I was going. He offered me a ride.

During the time I was waiting for my exam results, I had diligently studied the little parchment booklet day and night, knowing that my features already possessed a subtle feminine grace and charm. However, to protect myself, I deliberately dressed casually and avoided drawing attention, so few people had noticed the changes in me.

Suddenly stopped, I looked up involuntarily, meeting the man's questioning eyes. At that moment, my heart pounded.

This mature man possessed a powerful, resolute aura in his gaze; his sweat-soaked white shirt clung to his chest, revealing his well-developed pectoral muscles.

I hurriedly averted my gaze, feeling ashamed that I seemed to have truly become a girl who was always dreaming of love... all because of that booklet.

The man's eyes seemed to flicker for a moment when they met mine. Before I could say anything, he suddenly reached out, took the luggage from my hands, and placed it on the front of the motorcycle, saying, "I know, you're Xiao Qiao, the college student who came to the town government office to register, right? Hehe, I'm Mayor Qiao Kai. I just went to Liushan to inspect the flood control situation. Hop on, I'll give you a ride."

I never expected him to be the town mayor! He was completely different from the image I had of a township government leader.

At the beginning of the century, many town mayors in remote areas still rode motorcycles, not all of them had one.

I got on his motorcycle, he told me to sit tight, and we sped off.

The road was incredibly bumpy, the sections treacherous due to flash floods, and I instinctively clung to his waist.

His broad back was so warm, giving me a sudden sense of fatherly warmth.

My face flushed, my heart pounded, my forehead pressed against his back, and I tried my best to avoid touching him with my chest, but the bumpy road caused me to occasionally bump into him.

The mountain wind howled in my ears, and we remained silent the whole way.

Many of the town government staff had gone to various villages to direct flood relief efforts, leaving the large courtyard and four-story office building somewhat empty.

The charming mayor

helped me carry my luggage to a dormitory room on the fourth floor, telling me that there were only three single staff members, including myself, living there, so he had arranged for us to stay on the vacant fourth floor of the office building. Most of the other staff were from nearby villages, some of whom were married and lived in the unified family compound outside the government compound.

Standing before the tall Mayor Qiao, I felt somewhat reserved, responding to his words in hushed tones. He led me back to his office on the first floor, offering some standard greetings of welcome, hope, encouragement, and confidence in my abilities. Suddenly, we fell silent, the atmosphere becoming somewhat awkward.

Just then, a young man flashed past the window. Qiao Kai stood up and called out, "Xiao Zhou, come here, I've assigned you a partner!"

The man called Xiao Zhou quickly turned down the corridor and entered the mayor's office. After being introduced by Qiao Kai, he warmly greeted me with a handshake.

He was the deputy director of the town office; Director Lao Li had said he was on sick leave and that Zhou Min would temporarily be in charge of the town office's work.

I followed Zhou Min back to the town government office. He assigned me a seat, distributed office supplies, and told me to look around and familiarize myself with the environment before rushing off to relay tasks.

The evening bell rang, signaling the end of the workday. Zhou Min returned with several colleagues, smiling as he introduced me, saying they would treat me to a welcome-back dinner at a restaurant in town.

I greeted them shyly; they were all cheerful and down-to-earth township staff, and I felt they would get along easily.

As everyone left the office, Mayor Qiao came out and said, "Anyone who's not busy tonight should come over and celebrate the successful flood control efforts."

Town Party Secretary Lin Daze was at a county meeting, so our group from the Party and government departments went to the restaurant.

Qiao Kai seemed rather serious, but he was very generous at the table, not putting on any airs of a leader, and the atmosphere was lively.

Zhou Min told me that Mayor Qiao was a demobilized soldier, a deputy battalion-level officer, but because he valued serving the people and was not greedy for political achievements, and had no political background, he had remained in his position as mayor for several years without further promotion.

Seeing that I was listening to him nervously without offering any opinions, Zhou Min, who had drunk a bit too much, laughed and said, "Mayor Qiao is my uncle. My aunt had breast cancer surgery last year, and her personality changed drastically. She works in the county, and my uncle lives in the town most of the time. He's really devoted himself to developing the rural economy. In the three years he's served in Liuchuan Town, Liuchuan Town has shaken off its impoverished economic situation and is developing rapidly. The people all support him. Hehe, I'm not just praising him as his nephew, you'll see later."

I looked at Zhou Min shyly, grateful that he told me so much without any guile, and then glanced at Qiao Kai, who was being toasted by the director of the family planning station across from me.

He had just finished drinking and sat down, smiling at everyone and saying, "Eat, eat!" He noticed me looking at him, paused, and quickly looked away.

Because the next day was the weekend, the civil servants who had been busy fighting the floods for a week relaxed. After drinking, they stayed to sing karaoke. To let everyone have a good time and not be restrained, Qiao Kai left the banquet early.

I'm not good at joining in the fun, so I left halfway through too.

Only the duty room in the office building was lit up. At that time, the internet was just becoming popular, and my colleagues on duty were probably diligently surfing the internet.

I quietly returned to my dormitory on the fourth floor. Zhou Min's room next door was dark; he was still singing at the restaurant.

The room at the end of the corridor was lit up. I was sure that was Mayor Qiao's dormitory.

I went back to my room, changed into a neat nightgown, and took my toiletries to the bathroom outside the dormitory.

I washed my hair and took a shower. In the mirror, I saw a youthful and beautiful face. My wet hair was draped over my shoulders, revealing a smooth complexion. My skin had transformed into a fair and jade-like white, my eyes were dark and dreamlike, and my lips were as delicate as dew-kissed crabapple blossoms.

In a very short time, I had almost transformed from a naive caterpillar into a vibrant butterfly; the booklet had begun to show its effects on me.

As I came out of the restroom, I bumped into someone's arms.

I cried out, startled, and dropped the basin I was holding. Luckily, it was plastic and didn't make a loud noise.

The other person stopped immediately and steadied me. I looked up, meeting Mayor Qiao's gaze.

I didn't address him respectfully as "Mayor," nor did I immediately move away from his embrace. Instead, I stood quietly before him, looking up at him, my eyes filled with bewilderment, a narrowed gaze, a longing, and an inexplicable searching.

He seemed bewitched by me, also looking down at me silently, a terrifying flame flickering in his eyes.

His breathing was rapid; having just come from the men's restroom next door, it seemed as if something restless was already surging within him.

He suddenly said in a hoarse voice, "You, your name is Qiao Baobao? I've seen your resume. You're twenty-one? You have no parents?"

I spoke passively, murmuring, "Yes, my name is Qiao Baobao, I'm twenty-one, and I have no parents or relatives. Mayor Qiao, from now on, can you treat me like a father?"

Mayor, I want your love

. "Hmm? This... Xiao Qiao, we'll have a pleasant working relationship from now on. Okay, you can go back now. Starting tomorrow, work hard. I'll guide and help you with your work like a father would."

After saying that, Qiao Kai released his hand that had been on my arm and turned to walk towards his dormitory.

I took a step closer to him and boldly said, "Mayor Qiao, are you afraid?"

He stopped, but didn't turn around. "Afraid of what?"

I took another step forward, standing right behind him, and said, "Afraid that I'll become like many girls, clinging to you."

He suddenly turned around, staring intently at me, his gaze unfathomable. "Then, would you? I'm just a mayor with no real advantages in terms of promotion."

I stared back at him. "If I said that what I want isn't the benefits of clinging to you, but simply to be close to you, to have a fatherly affection, could you give it to me?"

He suddenly turned and walked back to his dormitory, coldly uttering, "I would, even if you didn't cling to me, Xiao Qiao."

Before he could step into his dormitory, I suddenly pounced on him, following him into his room and boldly slamming the door shut!

He was startled, turning back and sternly asking, "Xiao Qiao, what are you doing?"

I hugged his waist, buried my face in his chest, and said in a trembling voice, "Don't call me Xiao Qiao, call me Baby, okay? I lost my father when I was six. I've never known what it feels like to be loved by a father, but the moment I saw you today, I had this overwhelming desire to be close to you. Mayor Qiao, please don't criticize me, please don't think I'm a vulgar girl, okay?"

Qiao Kai's whole body stiffened, his heart pounding fiercely in his chest. I could hear his suppressed breathing. From his shoulder, I saw the open computer screen on the table, playing those kinds of Japanese films!

No wonder he acted strangely when he went to the bathroom earlier. It turned out that this young and vigorous man, living alone, was using this method to release his unfulfilled desires.

It seems that his wife, who had breast cancer surgery, had indeed changed drastically in some ways, just as Zhou Min said.

I had already been intimate with Chen's male body, so now, holding Qiao Kai so tightly, I could clearly feel the rapid swelling and change in his body. This feeling made my resolve even stronger!

I didn't want to waste my precious youth in this remote village. I wanted to achieve rapid career advancement, to rise above others, and to stop being a puppet to be manipulated and exploited. I wanted more.

And for me, Qiao Baobao, what was the only way to advance? Only by using men's bodies to climb the social ladder, constantly climbing higher.

The reason I chose Qiao Kai as my first man wasn't because he was the town mayor, but because he gave me a complex feeling somewhere between a father and a man. I wanted to cherish my virginity; I wanted him to help me open it up. I liked his mature masculine aura and presence.

Although one day I would skip him and continue my journey with other, more powerful men.

For ambitious girls, perhaps the benefits of clinging to more powerful or wealthy men, becoming a star, or marrying into a wealthy family would be faster and more direct. But for Qiao Baobao at that time, she had no means or opportunity to enter high-society circles; she could only start from her own confined beginnings.

Moreover, the reason I chose this career path was because I wanted more than just fame or fortune; I wanted to experience the taste of "power."

Only by truly getting close to the center of power could I have more control over my own or others' destinies, and more easily manipulate those despicable people. Or, if I felt like it, I could play the game of using someone else to do my dirty work, or hunt down even more of what I wanted.

This was the simplest, most genuine, and naive thought of Qiao Baobao, who was gradually becoming more cunning back then.

For a girl with little life experience, her values are always easily distorted, corrupted, and led astray in the early stages.

Just as I blushed and my heart raced as I confessed my feelings to Qiao Kai while watching the scene on the computer screen, he was also undergoing a fierce internal struggle.

He grasped my chin, lifting my face to face him, his breath coming in short gasps as he suppressed his own desire. "But do you know how far your behavior deviates from the role of a father you expect of me? Do you know? I have a family, a daughter in high school, and given our professions, this is very dangerous."

I smiled at him hazily, my beautiful lips alluringly parting. "I know. I heard from Zhou Min that your wife had breast cancer surgery. Although I don't understand men's needs, I understand you. I'm willing to do anything for you... father and daughter, lovers or nothing, all I want is your love, Mayor Qiao..."

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Diary of a female civil servant

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