Do not love

page views:1 Publication date:2023-03-24

My mother fell asleep again. She lay on the sofa in the living room, her hands resting on the cushions. It was clear she had intended to sit down and rest before falling asleep. Her suit jacket was only half off when she collapsed unconscious on the floor.

My mother has mild narcolepsy; she can suddenly fall asleep a few hours before or after her usual nighttime sleep, regardless of what she's doing, how much coffee she's drunk, or how energetic she is. These episodes can last from a few minutes to several hours, or even until morning. She rarely has these episodes between 9 and 6 AM, when she should be awake. Ever since she first experienced this in her third year of junior high school, as her son, I've long since become accustomed to it.

"Mom...?" I shook my mother's right shoulder, testing whether her "sleep" this time was deep or shallow.

However, my mother did not respond. I understood, and carried her, who had fallen asleep, onto my shoulders and into the master bedroom.

Looking at her face, my sleeping mother still held an imposing expression, and even with wrinkles, a remnant of her beauty could be seen. With just a little makeup, while she wouldn't be approached after every few steps, she could certainly attract the attention of some men on the street. But it was only when she was asleep that I dared to look directly at her.

I lived in her shadow. From childhood, she took care of everything for me, from food and clothing to housing and transportation, and even my school and friends. I never had my own opinions—no, I was never allowed to.

After my father died 12 years ago, my mother took on all the responsibilities. She worked tirelessly and raised me with all her might. Her greatest wish was for me to succeed. She kept a close eye on everything from the nutritional balance of my meals to my academic ranking. My life was almost entirely devoid of any free time, following my mother's "plans." I often felt like I didn't have a sense of self, but rather lived simply as my mother's puppet.

But only masturbation allows me to feel my own existence. From the first time I felt pleasure in my lower body from rubbing against the bed, I fell in love with this feeling. However, with only extracurricular reading materials approved by my mother for my usual entertainment, I had no suitable material to fantasize about. Until half a year ago, when my mother collapsed on the sofa for what seemed like the umpteenth time, and I first reached for her breasts, I began to use my mother, who had fainted due to narcolepsy, as an object of sexual gratification.

For the past six months, it started with secretly touching my mother's breasts through her shirt, gradually unbuttoning the first button, until now...

Back to the present, I settled my sleeping mother into bed and easily removed her top and skirt. It was the height of summer, and to make it easier for her to move around and to stay cool, she only wore two round breast pads on her chest.

After removing her clothes, I began to fondle my mother's body, poking, flicking, and kneading the center of the bra exposed in front of her son. In less than a minute, the little thing under the bra stood up, even tearing the still-sticky bra from her body. Seeing this shameful yet extremely exciting scene, my crotch also became erect.

Following the same routine, I gently flicked away the last shred of modesty covering my mother's right breast. The breast pad flew high and landed on the bed, while the 2-centimeter-high brown nipple stood erect against my mother's not-so-heavy chest, creating a striking contrast.

A mischievous thought crossed my mind, and I flicked the adorable little black berry a few more times. Watching it sway from side to side after being struck, it seemed to be prompting me to take the next step.

Oh well,

I took my mother's nipple into my mouth and knelt on the edge of the bed, beginning to stroke my already aroused 17-centimeter penis.

"Suck...suck..." I sucked hard on my mother's nipple, a nipple I should have lost after infancy, stimulating it with my tongue and teeth in various ways, sometimes teasing it with the tip of my tongue, sometimes gently biting it with my front teeth, as if trying to draw milk from it. My left hand didn't slack off either, roughly squeezing and stretching the nipple cover on my mother's left breast with three fingers. I don't know if it was just my imagination, but after playing with my mother's nipple, both my mouth and fingers had a faint milky smell, which became the reason why I never tired of it. And when I was engrossed in this, my mother's sleeping face would occasionally show a little discomfort, which meant that even when she was unconscious due to drowsiness, she could still feel pleasure.

Because of my narcolepsy, my mother's nipples were played with by her son in such a way, yet she never woke up. This extreme sense of transgression and accomplishment is what motivates me to keep doing this. Of course, it is also very exciting to develop my mother's body (nipples) in this way.

We've gone off-topic.

After stroking for more than ten minutes, my hands started to ache, so I grabbed my mother's hand, which was hanging on the floor, and let her hand, which she used to teach and nurture me, cover my penis. Then I gripped it tightly and rocked my hips back and forth.

After so many years of labor, my mother's hands have long lost the youthful delicacy of her younger days. The frequent housework has given them a firmness and strength, a soft yet resilient texture. I still remember the amazement I felt the first time I held my penis in my sleeping mother's hand. What could have lasted more than half an hour of thrusting was reduced to less than 10 minutes in those near-perfect hands. And because of the pleasure I experienced, it remains the highlight of every time I use my mother for gratification.

Sure enough, less than 5 or 6 minutes later, I felt a tingling sensation in my head, and then I ejaculated a large amount of semen onto the unsuspecting abdomen of the sleeping woman. The whitish liquid stained her lean belly, and the colorless prostatic fluid also stained my mother's left palm.

I guided my mother's hands to apply these affectionate substances to her skin, playfully manipulating her still-erect nipples as she slept, until I felt it was enough. Only then did I stand up to properly admire my work.

Bathed in the room's light, the mature woman, her upper body glistening with her son's bodily fluids, slept soundly, her hands still lingering on her nipples in a self-pleasuring pose. Her contentment was palpable. I took a picture of this beautiful scene with my phone, adding it to my collection of hundreds of photos in a hidden folder. Finally, satisfied, I cleaned my mother's body with a damp towel, helped us dress, and left.

I know what I've done is heinous. I wonder how my mother will react if she finds out what I've done to her all these years—shock? Fear? Angry? Disappointed? I dare not think about it, nor do I want to know. Now, with no entertainment, my only pleasure is the time after my mother falls into a coma. I can play with her body to satisfy my desires, I can use my phone or go online without any scruples, and I can do many things she forbids me to do.

I felt a surge of anger towards her, anger at my current predicament, like a caged bird. Indeed, under her tutelage, I got into a top high school, I'm not nearsighted, I'm 175cm tall and weigh 67kg, I was a basketball player—everything seemed perfect. I was praised by teachers and admired by classmates, yet I lived a painful and uncomfortable life. I had never gone out with classmates, never stayed up all night playing video games. I had no childhood, no adolescence, let alone any relationships with women.

My reasons for doing these things were tinged with emotion. After years of almost inseparable companionship, I may have developed feelings for my mother that went beyond familial love—a kind of dependence, and also a kind of revenge. When I suckled at my mother's nipple and smeared my semen on her body, I always felt a sense of relief and release.

Even in her youth, my mother wasn't considered a particularly beautiful woman, but she was at least very pretty. Even with the visible wrinkles on her face, they only added a mature charm to her already good features. Furthermore, her martial arts training helped her maintain her youthful appearance. By today's standards of beauty, her biggest flaw was her small bust, probably somewhere between an A and a B cup. Perhaps many would consider this a disappointment, but this size suited my mother's slender figure perfectly.

在國中二年級才知道什麼是性的我就將這副軀體作為幻想對象，在腦海中的我也僅僅是想著母親的裸體，效果卻比同年級的女同學好，母親那副成熟、性感的軀體伴我到現在，而我對母親的情感就是在情慾、憎惡、理智的拉鋸下產生，成為了無法一言以蔽之，也無法解開理不清的結。

"啊....媽，妳醒啦"

隔天早上6點，母親揉著腦袋從床上坐起，起身時碰到了放在旁邊的背包，從床上墜下的聲響示意了我，我趕緊端起準備好的早餐送了過去，這是我們家的習慣，

我把餐盤放在梳妝台上，看著眼神仍然渙散但試圖恢復神智的母親，

"妳昨天又一次提早睡過去了，我回來時妳就趴在沙發上，之後我才把妳抬過來"我遞給母親咖啡，卻被她輕輕地推開，為了防止又暈過去，提神飲料是她每天早上必喝的飲品，種類有很多，諸如咖啡、茶、蠻牛、red bull等等，而母親會推開我的舉動通常都是因為現在身體的狀態還算可以，晚一點在喝也無妨，

"我先去洗澡，你等等跟我報告你昨晚念了什麼書"

"嗯，換洗的衣服我幫妳放在洗衣機上面了，還有藥也放在洗手台那邊"

沒有多做回應，母親扶著為了她而裝的扶手走進了浴室，她仍然保持著近乎軍訓的規則，母親不會問我與課業、身體無關的問題，就算我主動提起，對話大多都會在10句以內結束，她會笑的時候就是我拿到好成績，或是籃球比賽獲獎，她甚至給我一個擁抱，而她當天的心情也會特別之好，

其實母親並沒有像是虐待般的扼住我的一切，但管教範圍很明顯地超出一般人的想像，每天仍然會檢查我的手機內通訊軟體與瀏覽器的紀錄，電腦是只有在熟悉3c產品或查資料時才能使用，跟同學外出是別想了，更別提之前提到的與異性的交流，理由無非是顧好課業要緊，

聽到浴缸的放水聲，我知道母親今天想要泡個澡緩解疲勞，所以我趕緊跑到浴室門前喊道

"妳先把要洗的衣服給我吧，今天天氣不錯我現在披下午可能就乾了"

"那好，記得把絲襪放道網子裡面，還有水位設7就好，多了就是浪費"

母親微微地開了浴室的門，遞出甫剛脫下、還帶著她身體餘溫的衣物:白襯衫、西裝外套、短裙、黑色長絲襪以及內褲，

我胡亂將前三樣丟進洗衣機並加入適量的去污粉，設定好功能後蓋上蓋子迅速的跑回房內，卸去褲子後用絲襪包裹著自己的肉棒，然後開始套弄著，母親泡一次澡最多會花上20分鐘的時間，而她泡澡當天我總會在這短短的時間內用她穿了一整天的貼身物品自慰，出於對她的報復心態，我想讓她全身都沾滿了兒子的淫慾，

我想證明我自己，用這種違反了道德倫理的淫穢手段，現在只針對母親上半身的猥褻只是我還在練習在不破壞絲襪的狀態下突破母親最後一道門檻，上次試時一不小心把絲襪給弄破時將我嚇出一聲冷汗，幸好母親醒來後接受了是她跌倒時勾到桌腳的藉口，

回到當前，就算不靠近也能聞到母親的絲襪有著淡淡的清香，那是ol最常見的香水味，不同的是母親這種熟女自帶有的特殊味道，與班上的女高中生那種青春氣息不同的點在於女人40幾歲的矛盾，正值渴求肉體滿足的40歲卻是社會中最需要矜持的年紀，無論是事業的起步還是家庭的和睦，女人在40歲時都將心中的欲求憋在心裡，然而身體的賀爾蒙卻不得發洩，只得慢慢地從身體的各個穴中排出，

我將馬眼貼著內褲上帶有些許污漬的地方，母親不愧是嚴以律己的女人，每次上完廁所都會清潔的特別乾淨，所以連穿了數年的內褲也只殘留了淡淡的黃斑，能用自己的陰莖頂著才剛接觸過母親陰唇的布料，讓我心中產生了無數的快感，而這也連帶影響到了我右手的速度與持久度，

因此在過了大概十五分鐘的擼動後我將一大攤精液留在了母親的內褲與絲襪上，那場面讓我可以想像終有一天母親在熟睡中被我用精液澆灌身體的淫靡畫面，但隨著母親開啟水龍頭做最後的收尾時，我細心的用攪拌咖啡的湯匙刮起母親內褲上的體液混入她等等要喝的飲料中，

濁白的精液隨著我的攪拌而平均的融在咖啡中，因為混入的精液不過是四分之一匙，我並不擔心母親會發現我的所作所為，當然這一部份也得歸功於咖啡本身強烈的味道，而且如果她會發現，那她早該在幾個月前我第一次這麼做時就察覺到飲料的異樣，但她並沒有，

而現在餐桌上我坐在她左側，一邊吃著剛剛做的雞肉鮪魚三明治，一邊欣賞她將精液咖啡喝下肚，在看到她把咖啡飲進嘴裡的時候我的小兄弟也不和時宜的硬了起來，

母親抿抿嘴，又喝了另一杯的溫水，她不會容許自己的嘴吧有著強烈的味道，然後問道，

"你昨天念了哪些科目?"

"物理和生物，這兩科上次沒有考好，想說這次扳回一成"

"嗯，不錯，我原本想如果你這次再考糟我就沒收你的手機，不要以為你現在還只是高一下學期就能偷懶，先跟你說好，高二時你就得退出籃球社專心唸書"

"為什麼!?"聽到最後一句話我幾乎是整個人蹦起來的驚嚇，

"因為大學不是你想像中的那麼好考"母親淡淡地說，我不知道是不是早就想到我會有這種反應，還是她根本不在乎我的感受，

"但只要我保持現在的成績的話連學測都不用考就能推甄到前五志願系不是嗎?"我試著反駁，

"你要怎麼保持?光是上一次段考就差點跌到第四名"

"那是....."

"別說了，打球重要還是你的未來重要?"

".............."

"你要是以後能找到好工作想打多久都可以，也不差這幾年"

聽到這些話我的反應是非常正常的憤怒，以及後悔昨晚怎麼沒有多玩弄一下眼前這蠻不講理的女人的悔恨，但多年來母親的威壓讓我也不敢再多說幾句，只能胡亂的吞下三明治，然後準備批完衣服上學去，

"混帳"因為幾天前母親的一番話讓我有些無心練球，心情也有些不好，所以我們今次的友宜賽差點輸給了對手，而明顯狀態不佳的我受到了隊友的譴責，

雖說是譴責，但有賴我平常的好名聲內容仍是關心的成分居多，而我也並不怪他們，我仍然憤恨於母親的強硬決定，我現在的身材雖然不能稱上高壯，卻有著比許多180的學長還來的有活力，這或許是"有賴"母親近乎偏執的培育，我每每在球場都是精力無限的一尾活龍，打球是我發洩這身力量的最佳途徑，

而自從母親要我二年級時放棄我生活中唯一幾個正常的娛樂後我決定對母親進行更甚的報復，所以之後幾天我都克制自己不自慰，以求在實施計畫的當天有最棒的快感，

而現在，當我打完球8.多回到家中，發現母親已早早的躺在床上睡去，她昨晚曾跟我說過幾天積累的疲憊，所以我依照之前的方法來確定母親是單純地睡去或是病發的昏睡，

很好，看來母親現在是真的睡著了，那代表現在就算是天塌地陷也弄不醒她，於是我稍稍用力的搧了她的臉，發出了兩聲清脆的響聲，

"妳憑什麼管那麼多!"我用一種強壓住吼叫的慾望的聲調說話，說來可笑，就算母親現在已經算是任人宰割，我也搧了她兩巴掌，我仍不敢用不敬的聲音跟她說話，

我憤怒地盯著母親因拍打而紅潤起來的臉頰，心中產出了一絲的後悔，我知道眼前的女人是我的母親，在她心中我是天我是地，是唯一的寶貝，她在父親的頭七當天哭著對父親的遺照保證她會保護我直到再也撐不下去為止，之後，母親的身子肩負了這一個家的重任，

但我不認同，我不是五歲小孩，也不是未經歷練的草莓族，我曾假借課輔的名義偷偷打工賺錢，我收過情書，被不知道多少女生暗示過，難道我結婚後母親還要來管我的一天三餐乃至性事嗎?我在腦中思考，剛打完球的腦充血讓我的思緒極限跳躍，我認為母親真的會這麼做，

那好啊，就讓妳來解決我的性欲，

吻上母親的嬌豔欲滴的紅唇，我用舌頭撬開了鬆散的牙齒並飢渴的翻攪著她的香舌，吸取她帶著迷人味道的口汁，不過這個人生第一次的舌吻只持續了不到一分鐘，我就被頂起運動褲的小兄弟的抗議給點醒，

我脫下褲子與母親的上衣並坐到母親枕頭上，讓熟睡的她直面我一絲不掛且昂然而立的下體，然後抬起她的頭用手撐開嘴巴以方便我那17公分的小兄弟進入，而且這還是我在禁尻了三、四天，又剛激烈運動完的充滿著臭汗與前列腺液的巨蟒，

剛開始挺生疏的，母親的嘴巴有點無法塞進我那堅硬的陰莖，而且牙齒一直卡到陰毛讓我有點惱怒，但在我強硬的動作下總算能把一半的小兄弟放入這嘴穴，而當龜頭碰到口腔壁的那一瞬間我倒抽了一口氣，那是怎麼樣的感覺足以讓我直接在她的喉嚨裡滴出幾滴液體，

為了不浪費這次機會，我扶著母親的頭慢慢的上下搖動就如同自慰的樣子，只是我用的不是r18，也不是自己的手，而是母親的嘴巴，那個罵我、誇我、發是要保護我的嘴穴，那個濕潤的口腔正吞噬著兒子的下體，下意識的吞嚥也一次次的給他帶來刺激，

隨著時間過去母親都沒醒過來的跡象ˋ，我也愈發大膽的改抓著頭髮做上下搖動，而母親的嘴吧也溢出了口水與少許精液的混雜物，她的嘴唇像是章魚一般跟著我的陰莖伸縮，讓我有些把持不住的準備射出第一發積攢了四天的濃精，

在射出的前一秒因汗水沾濕了我的手心，我一個沒抓穩讓母親的頭髮掙脫了我的手掌，熟睡的母親就在無意識的情況下直接將我的陰莖連根吞入，

"嘛!!!!!!!喔喔喔喔喔"因為突如其來的深喉讓我的精液直往母親的胃袋灌入，隱約之中彷彿還能聽到那濃精墜入胃液中的撲通一聲，但還沒來的及推敲，母親就因為喉嚨的異物而產生反射性的咳嗽，大量口水與前列腺液本該從嘴巴中噴發，然而因為我的小兄弟還堵著她大部分的嘴穴，所以有些液
體也從兩個鼻孔裡流出，乍看之下還挺像鼻涕一般，那是一種又淫蕩又好笑的畫面，

母親的咳嗽持續了10秒，而這十秒好似一小時般讓人煎熬，要是她因此而醒那我會受到怎樣的處罰?在我思索這問題的時候咳嗽的聲音也越來越小，直至我從母親口穴中抽出仍然堅挺的陰莖她仍然保持熟睡狀態，

望著沾滿黏液而發亮的小兄弟和母親臉龐，我又毫不遲疑的抓住母親的頭髮強迫她再一次的為我口交，只是這次我都讓她把老二連根吞入再抽出，只保留了龜頭部分後再一次性地塞入老二，此時的我早已被性慾沖昏，絲毫不在意如此的粗暴會不會驚醒母親，甚至傷害到她，

"吹吧賤人，吹吧，最好幫兒子吹喇叭吹到下巴脫臼"不光是行動上的污辱，我也用言語刺激的根本聽不到的母親，彷彿是要反擊幾天前的憤慨一般，如果那晚也有錄下影片，不知道我的表情會是多麼猙獰，

這晚我在母親嘴中釋放了四次的慾望，射出最後一發後母親的嘴禮都灌滿了精液，黏稠的液體從嘴角兩側流出，滴到了事先鋪好的舊被單上，臉上塗滿了精液還仍處於熟睡狀態的臉龐看得我又有了格外的興致，但打球後的疲憊此時顯現，逼得我不得不打消念頭開始整理剛才留下的殘汁，

然後，我用已經疲軟的小兄弟頂了頂母親的嘴唇，

"晚安了，媽媽"

我說道

The next morning, having recovered from the madness of lust, I nervously carried the porridge I'd prepared for breakfast to my mother's room. I was terrified that the scene inside would be her sitting on the bed, disheveled, her eyes red-rimmed, looking at me with semen still lingering in her mouth, forced out because of the odor.

And then…

and then…

what would I do?

"What are you doing over there?" As usual, my mother sat at her dressing table, combing her shoulder-length black hair. In the mirror, I could see her expression was no different from before. It seemed she hadn't noticed the strange sensation from the almost hour-long deep-throating I'd endured the day before. Seeing my hesitant movements, she asked,

"It's nothing…"

"I won't drink coffee today, my stomach is a little bloated."

"Okay, shall I get you a glass of water?"

"Hmm, no need..."

After ending the conversation, which still lingered with a chilling atmosphere, I left my mother's room like a death row inmate granted a pardon. A surge of wild joy welled up inside me. On one hand, what happened last night hadn't been discovered; on the other hand, it meant I could enjoy my sleeping mother's deepthroating services from now on. Since she wouldn't notice this almost insane act, perhaps there was even a possibility of taking things further in the future?

Suppressing this feeling... I poured the coffee, which was thankfully free of semen, into the sink, and then started preparing my breakfast:

boiled chicken and mussels, high-protein powder, apple, and mashed potatoes—almost all foods that could boost energy or increase semen volume. Although it was a bit pricey, my mother reluctantly agreed to let me use health as an excuse. So, in a way, she was also paying to let her son play with her longer and more roughly.

What a slut she was! Although I knew my mother's true intentions were...不是如此，甚至是她對兒子的愛，但將母親想成蕩婦等下流的婊子讓我興奮，

然而在精蟲再次上腦之前，我又開始思考，如果母親發現了我對她做的這些事，不要說是醒來後的懷疑，而是在我把陰莖插入她濕潤的喉嚨裡時醒過來，那我會有什麼下場?被趕出家門?報警?瘋狂的揍我?還是...................................奉承我?

母親是個女人，正值虎狼之年，已經有快要十多年沒跟男人發生關係，難道她都不會有這種意思嗎?這論點很可笑，我知道以母親的性格除非父親再世，不然她一定會守貞到底，這是對父親..........也是對我的責任心

僅存的我............是母親唯一的希望

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