younger brother's inner conflict

page views:1 Publication date:2023-03-24

For years, something has been weighing on my heart, like a mountain pressing down on me, making it hard to breathe. I can't tell anyone what it is, only blaming myself for being young and ignorant, blinded by desire. I did so many wrong things to my sister back then, to the point that I can't face her normally now. She has long since tried to forget these things, but I can still see that she hasn't dared to be alone with me, no matter when or where, even though I'm already married.

The adults in my family favored boys over girls. After my sister was born, they still defied the one-child policy and had me, and as expected, I'm a boy. Being a boy, of course, they had to raise me well. Due to forum rules, I can't mention specific cities, so I can only say roughly. My family lived in the provincial capital, but back then there was a prefecture-level city under it, and the whole country would go there to learn from its teaching methods. So, starting from elementary school, I was forced to leave home and go to this prefecture-level city to live with relatives and study. And that's where my abuse began. My parents pleaded with them a lot when I went to live with these relatives, and they kept track of how much I spent every month. My family could only give them extra money every six months on top of that.

I now understand that the abuse I suffered back then was necessary, so I don't resent it. But that's not an excuse for my poor grades. It was because I was playful and hung out with some of the guys in my class who had connections

and resources. My grades were terrible, and the overall quality of education in my prefecture-level city had declined, so I went home after graduating from junior high. They felt they owed me something, felt I had been abused, so they treated me exceptionally well. Plus, my sister had been admitted to a top university in the city, and I was back home—it was double happiness. The whole family was overjoyed, but what upset me was that they decided to have my sister tutor me during the two-and-a-half-month break.

My sister is very beautiful, inherited from my mother's side of the family, and filled with desire, I only saw her as the easiest target to seduce. My family has two bedrooms and a living room. My parents sleep in one room, and my sister and I sleep in the other. Our room is very simple, with just a bed, a wardrobe, and a desk. However, there's a curtain hanging between the beds, which is probably my sister's way of deceiving herself for security. On my first day home, my heart was pounding with anxiety. I was especially nervous that evening, as my parents held me and said hurtful things, while my eyes kept glancing towards the bathroom. My sister was taking a shower, the sound of running water making my heart race. After she finished, she was wearing a white nightgown and a white knee-length skirt—not a tank top, so only her fair neck was visible. Her long, dark hair was casually piled up, and her legs were slender. My sister came over and patted my head, saying, "Finally home! Our family is finally reunited." I pretended to be tired and said, "I've been on the road all day, I'm so tired. It's late now, I want to take a shower and go to bed early." They agreed, of course, but my real purpose was the bathroom where my sister had just showered. All the laundry in our house is kept in a basin, and my sister washes it all. So, as soon as I went in, I found my sister's underwear—a white cotton panty with a cartoon pattern. It was still warm to the touch. I quickly put it on my penis and started moving around. With my other hand, I grabbed my sister's bra and sucked on it intensely, fantasizing about lifting her skirt, pinning her to the bed, and fucking her hard. This was the most pleasurable and comfortable masturbation I'd ever had. Afterward, I washed away the evidence, opened the window to air it out, and casually showered. I said goodnight to my parents and climbed into bed. They seemed hesitant about me sleeping with my sister, but I tried my best to act like a good little kid. Later I found out why my sister and I shared a room, while my parents shared another. It's because my mom's side has good genes; the women there are all very beautiful. My dad has a high sex drive, needing to have sex almost every three days, two nights a week. In this situation, it wouldn't make much sense for me to sleep with my dad and my mom with my sister.

I quickly climbed to the inside of the bed, waiting for my sister to come in. I pretended to be asleep, but this was all part of my plan. Since there was only one fan, if I slept on the inside, the curtain in the middle would block the airflow, and my sister would definitely pull it back. My sister shook me a couple of times while she was sleeping, probably wanting to switch places with me. I pretended not to notice. My sister moved the fan to the foot of the bed, lowered the curtain, and slept there, one at each end of the bed. The fan opened the curtain in the middle, and I thought, "This won't do. If my sister sleeps on the inside and I sleep at the foot of the bed, the fan will blow out, and I'll be able to see her panties!" But I couldn't suddenly wake up, so I had to endure it. However, thinking about the first time I slept with my sister, and the overwhelming urge of sleeping in the same bed with a woman for the first time—who can understand that? So, I already had a tent pitched. Because I was living with relatives, and the school was strict, there was nowhere to masturbate. I would only do it after school, after showering, and when everyone was asleep, secretly pretending to go to the bathroom. But my aunt's nose was incredibly sensitive; she could smell male hormones from miles away. After being scolded a few times, I was too scared to continue. So, I've only masturbated less than ten times in total. Now, my penis is incredibly swollen and uncomfortable. Luckily, the lights are off, so my sister can't see. Plus, I was thinking that if I went too far, if it was too obvious, I probably wouldn't be able to sleep with my sister anymore. Then it would definitely be me sleeping with Dad, and my sister sleeping with Mom. Feeling scared, my penis calmed down a bit, and I unconsciously fell asleep.

I have a habit of waking up early in the morning. I felt my underwear was dry. Looking down, I realized I had a wet dream. I don't know when it happened; it was already dry. Terrified that all my plans would fall apart if I were discovered, I quickly ran to the bathroom and said it was so hot that I was going to take a cold shower. That's how I managed to get away with it.

After what happened last night, my sister told me before I fell asleep that I was sleeping outside while she slept inside, saying she wasn't too bothered by the heat. I agreed, thinking my trick had worked and I could see her panties and private parts. But then she moved the fan directly to the center, pointing it at me, ignoring the breeze herself. I was disappointed. I thought to myself, "Haste makes waste."

I often saved my breakfast money to buy my sister hair clips, bracelets, drinks, and snacks, acting like a good younger brother. After all, we hadn't seen each other much over the years. Before, my school had extra classes during winter and summer breaks, with only a week off for winter break and two weeks for summer break, so there was a bit of distance between us. After half a month of effort, when my sister explained problems to me, she no longer sat next to me in a chair, but squeezed into the same chair with me. When I slept, I could even deliberately rest my head on her lap.

For the past two weeks, what I've looked forward to most is taking a shower. Every night, I'd use my sister's underwear, stockings, or bra to masturbate. This particular night, I was still unsatisfied, just looking but unable to act. I tried other ideas, like casually placing my hand on my sister's thigh while she slept. But where there's a will, there's a way. My parents, who had tolerated it for two weeks, finally couldn't take it anymore. The house isn't soundproof, separated only by a wall.

Because I would wait until very late each night, until my sister was asleep, I could casually take advantage of her. If I woke her up, she would remove my hand and continue sleeping, completely unsuspecting, thinking I was just moving around in my sleep. Tonight was no different. Satisfied, I placed my hand through the curtain on my sister's thigh, preparing to fall asleep, but this time I got closer to her groin. I heard my mother moaning "Mmm...mmm..." coming from my parents' room. She'd probably been holding back for too long, and she accidentally cried out. Then the sound stopped. I also heard a "smack," probably from my mother hitting my father. A moment later, "Ah...mmm...ah...oh!" the sounds continued, like a bomb exploding in my brain. My genitals instantly sprang to attention. I desperately tried to control myself, knowing that if my sister found out, all my efforts over the past two weeks would be wasted. For about ten minutes, the soft moans continued. My sister's body trembled slightly, not a big one, but it was a tremor. She removed my hand, turned over, and went back to sleep. But my senses were incredibly sharp at that moment. My eyes saw my sister's legs unconsciously and carefully rubbing together. Instantly, I felt an overwhelming excitement. I wanted to climb on top of her and have sex, but I knew she would resist. I calmed down, thinking this was a good opportunity I had to seize, but the sounds around me were so captivating. My penis was burning hot, half of it bulging out, my briefs rubbing against the area below the urethra. I felt like I was under a spell; I could almost see my sister's juices flowing down her thighs, and I wanted to lick them.

At that moment, I ejaculated. After masturbating, I felt like I was in heaven. I was completely obsessed with my sister. In the darkness of the night, I even started hallucinating.

I'm sure my sister was wet last night, and she didn't dare change her underwear because if she did, Mom and Dad would know she'd overheard. I finally waited until nightfall. Looking at the dried wet stains on her underwear, I didn't even have time to smell them before I stuck out my tongue and licked them hard, as if I wanted to eat them. After licking them clean, I pressed that spot against my penis and ejaculated, as if I were already inside her. That night, I slept holding my sister's legs. She tried to pull away, but I wouldn't let her, and I even casually ran my lips across her little toes. I felt secretly pleased with myself; I'd taken another step forward.

Mom's moans came from beside me again. After a while, my sister seemed to wake up. She tried to pull her legs away and turn over, but I deliberately held her tightly. She seemed to know I was pretending to be asleep and patted my head twice, but I didn't budge. She seemed helpless. I chuckled to myself; I was about to make it clear. Although my penis was painfully hard, I was one step closer to my goal. My sister forcefully pulled her leg away, got out of bed, and placed a tissue in front of my head, whispering, "Don't dirty the bed, the smell is disgusting."

A chill ran down my spine; she'd smelled me last night. Looks like I couldn't pretend to be asleep anymore. I apologized, "I didn't mean to, I just came without moving," sounding quite aggrieved.

My sister fell for it, sighing, "Mom and Dad aren't careful. You're still young. Cover your ears and go to sleep." I thought to myself, she's made it clear; if I don't seize this opportunity, I'll miss my chance. "I feel uncomfortable down there. I don't know how I came yesterday, then it didn't hurt anymore, but now it's swollen and painful."

My sister seemed very angry. She gritted her teeth and said, "I'm your sister, your own sister. I've tolerated you because you're still young and I've always been bullied. How can you say such things to me? Do you think I'm your elder? Cover your ears and go to sleep, or I'll tell Mom and Dad tomorrow." A chill ran down my spine. Without thinking, I bowed to my sister and said, "Sister, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, please don't tell on me. I'll go to sleep right away." I didn't feel anything down there. I was constantly afraid my sister would tell on me. Because I hadn't spent much time with her, I didn't know her very well. Now it seemed she had a very strict personality, treating me like her son.

My sister was probably very angry too. She even pulled the curtains shut tightly while lying in bed. So, until dawn, I followed behind her, terrified she would tell on me, until my parents went to work. Unexpectedly, my sister took out a bamboo stick, called me into her room, and said, "I can't control what you did before, but your grades aren't good. How are you going to get into university? I'm telling you this because you're still young, and I want you to understand." I lowered my head and said, "I want to study hard, but I just can't." My sister looked at me, was silent for a while, and sighed, saying, "If you continue like this, not only will your health be ruined, but your outlook on life will also be destroyed." I pretended not to know and said, "I'll study hard from now on."

My sister slammed the bamboo stick on the table. "Is this what you meant? What do you do every night when you shower? Do you think I don't know that I do the laundry every day?" It seemed that my sister was definitely going to tell Mom and Dad. I hardened my heart and said, "Don't you have any idea? That night, you were rubbing your legs together. If you tell me, I'll tell you too." Without hesitation, my sister hit me with the bamboo stick. "I'm your elder. What are you talking about? I said you masturbate with my underwear every day." My sister seemed to have been provoked and blurted out the words without thinking.

I've been typing all night, I'm so tired. I'll rest for a bit and then finish writing. A few days ago, I finally found a platform like this to write down the mistakes I've made, to see if the guilt will lessen.

[The End]

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