When I was little, I only knew how to touch

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That year, my cousin's family came to visit. Back then, power outages were frequent in the countryside. The children, only a few years old, were playing on the bed, laughing and frolicking, while the adults played cards outside. Suddenly, the power went out. The three of us, who were playing under the covers, suddenly stopped. It was pitch black, which would normally have been terrifying, but at that moment we were all very quiet. My hand suddenly stopped moving. I slipped it inside my older cousin's clothes, pressing it tightly against the skin of her back—it was warm and smooth. I didn't move, afraid she would roll over and hit me, but she didn't. She was unusually quiet, so my hand started moving downwards.
To clarify: 1. At that time, I didn't even know how to write the word "sex." 2. My cousin was usually very active, but at that moment she was suddenly very well-behaved and quiet, which
left a deep impression on me. She didn't understand, and she didn't push me away. I didn't think about anything; it was as if someone was teaching me. My hand moved downwards, from her back clothes to her pants, and then she reacted.
My older cousin trembled slightly, and I was terrified, worried I might hurt her. She was usually so active, but now she was so quiet, and her body was even trembling occasionally. So, I nervously pulled my hand away. But she pressed herself against me, so I continued to touch her. How can you touch a child's hands? Her skin was so delicate, and I had no skill; I didn't know what I meant by touching her like this, it was all subconscious. I squeezed her genitals hard, stopping each time she trembled. It was fun; I could control her reaction. I started to relax, and my movements became more and more intense.
Just then, my second cousin also came closer. Because of the power outage, we couldn't see anything, but my second cousin seemed to know something. She was five years old then. Seeing me pressing down on my older cousin's back, she was unhappy and tried to pull my hand away. I naturally, like doing what a teacher tells us to do, quickly slipped my hand inside her pants. She obediently didn't move, but my position was very uncomfortable… My older cousin didn't resist being pressed down on. Normally, she would have hit me, but this time she was unusually obedient and well-behaved. A strong, strange feeling welled up inside me: so this is how my older cousin behaves. My hand kept stroking her genitals. I was so innocent then, wondering why her genitals were different from her back—uneven, with a slit… So I reached inside, and my older cousin reacted even more intensely. She grabbed my hand from under her body, preventing me from touching inside or pulling it out. My second older cousin seemed to be asleep. I touched her haphazardly (I didn't understand the concept then), touching her buttocks and all over, occasionally pinching them, because she didn't react.
Suddenly, my older cousin cried…
She cried out in pain. I was terrified and quickly pulled my hand away. The people outside didn't hear. After I pulled my hand out, my older cousin was surprisingly quiet again, saying it didn't hurt anymore. My heart was pounding. I had never played or seen these kinds of games before, but they were so much fun and strange. I rolled over in bed, panting heavily, because I had been so tense.
After resting for a while, I suddenly felt it was unfair. Why was it only me touching my older cousins, and they weren't touching me? So I pulled my two older cousins' hands over, not knowing what to do next, and whispered, "It's your turn."
When my cousins' hands reached down to my crotch, I felt a strange mix of pleasure and discomfort. So I squeezed my legs together, pressing their hands tightly against me. I'll never forget that feeling. It was like wanting to pee but being too afraid to pee on the bed, having to be made to pee on the floor by my mother. The feeling of peeing was both uncomfortable and pleasurable, and I just wanted to keep peeing like that forever… Their hands were gripping my hard penis (at the time, this was just a joke; I don't know what state I was in, and I can't remember what my hard penis looked like when I was a child). I squeezed my legs together tightly and touched their bodies. I wanted to sense something, to be with something, to feel a connection. That's how it was back then. Although we four or five of us didn't understand anything, our animal instincts and innate awareness drove us.
So a funny scene unfolded: I was in the middle, they were touching my dark, hard body, and I was gripping their necks. All three of us were trembling, wondering if we were going to die. Perhaps it was because of the complete darkness that we felt such a strong urge to cling to each other. It was also strange that the adults didn't come in to check if we would fall off the bed and get hurt during the power outage.
I vaguely recall the whole process. Based on my later experience with sex and my reaction time, I estimate that the time we spent touching each other in the dark, even putting our hands inside each other, lasted at least an hour.
Suddenly, the power came back on…
The power came back on suddenly! We were startled and started pulling our hands out. Everything that had just happened felt like a dream. Under the light, we would never have dared to do such a thing; the thought and consciousness wouldn't even arise.
I will probably never forget my older cousin's eyes under the light. Although she was only six years old, she looked so gentle, her eyes so tired, yet she was smiling at me. That kind of expression can leave a deep impression on a child who was in the moment. I was really afraid she would tell her mother that I had hurt her, and I would definitely get a beating.
Forgive me for rarely mentioning my second cousin. My eldest cousin is very pretty, while my second cousin is just average... only good for playing games with us. From then on, my eldest cousin never misbehaved in front of me again, nor did she bully me. She always protected me when my younger brother tried to take my snacks. Since my aunt died shortly after giving birth to them, my cousins often stayed at our house. Every time they came, I would pull my cousin to play the same game we played in the dark last time. Sometimes I was afraid of adults at home. I don't know if it was right, but I felt that if I did such things, the adults would definitely beat us. So, in the bamboo grove behind the house, in the grassy hillside, and among the rapeseed flowers in the fields, I would often pin my cousin down and grope her all over. Because she was very obedient after the first time, I became bolder and bolder. I loved her very much because of her obedience. Every time I groped her, I would think that I would buy her the best candy and fruit in the future.
This happened repeatedly until one day I was in first grade, and the teacher said that boys shouldn't touch girls' hands.
[The End]

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