Mother's letter

page views:1 Publication date:2023-03-24

The next morning, while my mother was out and my father hadn't returned, I stole the letter from my mother's bedroom. To my surprise, the letter I'd found the day before was already the second one; another letter was already stored there, dated just a few days before the Spring Festival. The two letters were almost identical in content, just as I'd suspected—written by the old woman from Henan. However, the handwriting was very neat, suggesting she might have had someone else write it for her.
The first letter explained that the child my mother had given birth to four years ago was now grown up and starting to understand things. Now that it was the Spring Festival, the men and women who had gone to work in the village had all returned. Seeing other children with mothers, the child cried and begged his grandmother for her own mother. The grandmother, having no other choice, wrote to my mother, hoping she could go to Henan to see the child.
The second letter was similar in content to the first, but the tone was more forceful, almost pleading. Enclosed was a photograph of the child; the background showed several mud houses, presumably their home. Although the child had tried to clean himself and was wearing new clothes, he still looked somewhat disheveled and unhappy, thin and dark-skinned, suggesting his life there wasn't easy.
No wonder my mother cried after reading it. After reading it, I carefully put the letter back as before. I felt that the old woman wouldn't give up after two unanswered letters and might take further action. I decided to hold off on going out to work for now and observe the situation.
Sure enough, a few days later, a third letter arrived. My parents were both home when this letter arrived. My mother took the letter and went into her bedroom without saying a word. My father glanced at her, his expression not good; he probably already knew about the first two letters. A while later, my mom came out of the bedroom and called my dad in. He ignored her, watching TV with a cold expression. My mom called him again, and he said he'd finish watching TV later, lit a cigarette, and leaned back on the sofa, not even glancing at my mom. Seeing that he wasn't paying attention, my mom went back inside. At that moment, I felt that my dad probably sensed something was wrong, but felt it wasn't convenient to talk to my mom while I was home. Just then, I received a text message from 10086 (China Mobile's customer service number). I picked up my phone and lied, saying a classmate was coming home and invited me to dinner. My dad grunted and told me not to drink too much, then went back to watching TV. I got dressed and went straight to the internet cafe. I arrived at the internet cafe at 11:00 AM and stayed until 6:00 PM. By the time I got home, it was completely dark. When I entered the house, I carefully observed my parents' expressions. I didn't notice anything unusual, except that my mom's eyes were a little red, probably from crying. I don't know what they talked about. After dinner, around 9 PM, my dad left for his night shift. A little while after he left, my mom called me to her bedroom. I went in, and she told me to close the door. She sat on the bed, her face flushing red before she could even speak, as if she'd mustered a lot of courage to finally say what she wanted to say.
My mom first told me about the letters. She thought I didn't know what they said, so she recounted the contents of the first two letters, and then the third one from today. Apparently, the third letter said the child had fallen ill because he missed his mother. Although the fever subsided after a few days, he remained listless, and the old woman was worried about future problems. In the letter, she cried and pleaded with my mom to come see the child. My mom already missed her child, and these three letters from the old woman, especially the photo in the second letter and the content of the third, were too much for her to bear. So she discussed with my dad whether she could go see the child. My dad had already guessed what the letters might contain, and of course, he forbade my mom to go, even threatening to divorce her if she dared to go. Later, my mom begged and pleaded until my dad finally relented. His conditions were twofold: first, the trip couldn't exceed a week; second, I had to go with her. Both conditions were acceptable, so my mom asked if I could go with her.
Initially, she was worried I'd be embarrassed and wouldn't go, but she didn't know I really wanted her to go. Just hearing about it excited me; memories from four years ago flooded back. So when I readily agreed, my mom was surprised and asked me several times. Finally, I impatiently asked, "Do you want to go or not?" Seeing this, she stopped asking and said, "Let's get ready; we'll leave in a few days."
The next day, my mom sent a letter to Henan, informing them of the departure date. The day before departure, my mom asked me to go shopping with her to buy lots of children's clothes, food, toys, and train tickets. Because I was afraid my dad would be upset if he saw it, I put the things in my room after buying them. Unexpectedly, my dad called that night to say he was on duty. Looking back, I guess he was just upset. That night, I lay in bed. My train was at 6 AM the next day. I wanted to sleep, but I couldn't. I tossed and turned in bed. Around 11 PM, I still couldn't sleep, so I got up to use the restroom. I heard my mom's bed creaking; she was probably also having trouble sleeping. I went back to bed and
finally drifted off to sleep around 1 or 2 AM. Because I didn't sleep well, I couldn't stay awake any longer after boarding the train the next day and fell asleep in my seat. I slept until after 9 AM. Afterward, I ate something and went back to sleep. The journey passed by in a daze, dozing and snacking. I woke up a few times and saw my mom leaning against the window, seemingly lost in thought, sometimes biting her lip.
The train arrived at its destination around 1 PM, a county in Henan (I won't mention the name), a place with a bad reputation nationwide. After getting off the bus, we found a small restaurant and ate something. Then we took a taxi to the county bus station and found the bus we needed to take according to the address on the letter. It was a dilapidated minibus. Once on board, we looked at the route map and realized that our destination was the last stop, at least twelve or thirteen villages away—extremely remote. Several more people boarded, all local farmers judging by their clothes and appearance. They probably hadn't bathed in years, as they smelled foul, and their bags were piled up in the aisle, making them look filthy. After waiting for about half an hour, the driver finally slowly came over, opened the door, got into the driver's seat, and started the bus. The minibus drove out of the bus station courtyard and onto the main road. After driving south for less than five minutes, it turned right onto a narrow, broken cement road, as if it hadn't been repaired for over a decade. The bumpy ride was so bad I almost vomited up my noodles. By this time, all the excitement from yesterday had vanished; all I wanted was to get to the station as quickly as possible. This dilapidated bus was impossible to even doze off in; you'd be jolted up from your seat every now and then, and the road got worse the further we went. But the other passengers seemed used to it. Some were smoking cigarettes, and a couple of farmers were chatting quietly. I figured they were talking about my mother and me, since our clothes and appearance were clearly different from theirs. A plump, dignified city woman like my mother probably didn't come here often.
The sun outside the window gradually began to set, and people started getting off the bus one by one, until finally only my mother and I were left. The lighter, old minibus bounced even more violently on the dirt road, the rumbling sound making me worry it might fall apart at any moment. We walked anxiously for another half hour. Dusk had fallen outside the window, and apart from the shadows of the roadside trees, we could see nothing. Suddenly, the minibus braked sharply and stopped. The driver yelled, "Jiumenlou, get off!"
His heavy Henan accent initially caught me off guard, but my mother understood. She pulled me aside and said, "Grab your things and get off." I then realized what he meant, grabbed my belongings, and bent down to get up and walk towards the door. As soon as my mother and I got off, the minibus drove away. Only then did I notice a small, thin figure by the roadside. Seeing us get off, the figure walked towards us, calling out my mother's name. It was too dark to see her face clearly, but I knew from her voice that it was the old woman. The old woman came over with a beaming smile and said, "I've been waiting here all afternoon. I'm so glad you've come. Don't bring anything; I don't need anything." She then tried to take the things from my mother's hands. My mother was indeed tired, so she didn't stand on ceremony and handed the things over while asking, "Where's the child?" The old woman said, "At home. Come with me." Then she looked at me and said, "Is this your eldest son?"
He's grown quite a bit taller, a fine young man indeed. I ignored her, and she didn't seem to care, continuing to talk to herself as she picked up her things and headed towards the lights in the distance. My mother and I followed behind. Along the way, my mother kept asking about the child. The old woman said the child was much better these past few days, but missed his mother terribly. She added that raising the child these past few years had been exhausting; she used to be able to soothe him, but now that he was older, she couldn't anymore, and he insisted on having his mother. She said she really didn't want to trouble my mother any further if she hadn't been so desperate. My mother listened without saying a word, just walking silently. After a while, she asked again if the child had been named. The old woman said they hadn't given him a formal name, only a casual nickname, Baogen.
We walked with uneven steps, and it took us quite a while to enter the village. As soon as we entered, the dogs in every house started barking wildly. Although we were in the village, not many houses had lights on. The village roads were dirt roads without lights, and it was still pitch black all around. We drove around the village a few more times before the old woman finally led us to a courtyard, saying we were home. The courtyard walls were made of adobe bricks, the outer layer of yellow mud had peeled away, revealing rows of adobe brick cores underneath. The main gate was two old wooden doors, with remnants of couplets still visible. We followed the old woman into the courtyard. The courtyard wasn't large; the main house consisted of two south-facing adobe rooms, one of which had a dim light bulb. There was a chicken coop at the east end, and various farm tools were scattered haphazardly under a shed at the west end. The old woman first bolted the door before leading us into the lit room. As soon as we entered, the same sour smell we'd smelled on the farmers in the truck hit us again. I saw my mother wrinkle her nose but say nothing. The outer room had a stove, but no light was on. The old woman opened the inner room door, said, "Baogen, look who's here," and went inside. My mother and I followed her in, then froze.
Inside the house, on the kang (a heated brick bed), a dirty little child stared blankly at us. It must be my mother's child; he looked almost exactly like in the photos. On the stove in front of the kang, an iron pot was bubbling away, and the smell was actually quite pleasant. But what stunned my mother and me was the man tending the fire beside the pot. He was dark-skinned and thin. Seeing us come in, he looked up and grinned, revealing a mouthful of yellow teeth: "You're here. Come on, sit on the kang. The food's almost ready." I recognized him immediately—he was the first man to rape my mother, the old woman's son, He Yonggui. To be honest, I never expected him to be here, and my mother certainly didn't either. I stood there, completely bewildered. The old woman reacted quickly, immediately smiling and saying, "My son, Erdan, behaved well, so the government released him early. He's not a bad person, just a little confused." Then she quickly called to her grandson on the kang (heated brick bed), "Baogen, look, Grandma brought your mother here." The child looked at my mother, still standing there dumbfounded, but my mother laughed first, clapping her hands at the child and opening her arms, saying, "Mommy's sweetheart, come here, let Mommy hug you." The scene I feared—my mother losing control of her emotions—didn't happen. When the child saw my mother about to hug him, he shrank back in fright. The old woman and my mother kept encouraging him, and he slowly dared to come forward. My mother hugged the child tightly, laughing and saying, "Mommy's sweetheart, I missed you so much! Did you miss Mommy, sweetheart?" The child finally smiled, hugged my mother's neck, and cried, "Mommy, Mommy." At this moment, my mother finally couldn't control herself and hugged the child tightly, crying. As a result, the child also started crying. The old woman, He Yonggui, and I stood by and watched. To be honest, I felt no excitement at all. A day of traveling had left me almost numb to everything. I took the opportunity to look inside. The house was just as impoverished as the yard. Although it was clearly been cleaned and the walls painted, there was nothing in the house except for a few pieces of furniture and no electricity except for a light bulb. They were damn poor; no wonder they were over forty and still couldn't find a wife.
My mother held the child and cried for a while, then slowly stopped, wiped her tears, and then smiled as she took out toys, clothes, and various snacks from our bags. The old woman then told us to eat first, and that her son would serve us rice. The meal was mutton stew noodles, a large bowl for each person, along with some pickled vegetables. I was indeed hungry, so I picked up my bowl and ate it all. After the meal, my mother started trying on clothes for the child. The child held the toys my mother had given him, grinning foolishly, while the old woman stayed by his side, comforting him. He Yonggui also took this opportunity to try to talk to my mother, but she ignored him. After fidgeting around for a while, I felt a bit sleepy. Sitting on the kang (a heated brick bed), I involuntarily yawned. My mother looked sleepy too. At this point, the old woman said, "You've been walking all day. Get some rest. We'll talk properly tomorrow." My mother didn't really want to sleep, so she asked me if I was sleepy. I was already very sleepy at this point, so I said I wanted to sleep too. My mother had no choice but to agree to the arrangement. The old woman had my mother, her, and the child sleep in this room, while my son and I slept in the next room. I followed He Yonggui to the next room, which was actually where he usually slept. The bedding was complete, but it looked like it hadn't been washed in a long time. It looked greasy and dirty. Because I was sleepy, I didn't care about that, but after hesitating for a long time, I still made an excuse that I was cold and didn't dare to take off my clothes. Actually, I just didn't want them to be dirty. After taking off my shoes and socks, I crawled into bed. I originally wanted to play on my phone for a while, but I fell asleep while holding my phone.
When I woke up the next day, it was already bright. My phone was still beside me, but He Yonggui was nowhere to be seen. I slowly got out of bed, my head still feeling a little heavy. I rubbed my eyes, put on my shoes and socks, and went to wash my face. When I got there, I saw my mother preparing to wash as well. She seemed to have slept poorly, probably because of the change of bed. After washing up, we had a simple breakfast. The old woman said there was a town about ten miles away with a market day, and suggested we go with her. So my mother, carrying the child, went to the market with the old woman. I had nothing else to do, so I went with them. Walking along the village road, acquaintances kept greeting the old woman. There were few strangers in the village, and my fair-skinned, plump mother stood out among the group of rustic people. Almost everyone who greeted the old woman would look at my mother and ask, "Is this your daughter-in-law? She's so beautiful, she looks like a lucky woman. No wonder you always praised her so much." My mother couldn't argue back in front of so many people, otherwise it would be like that time in the hospital. She could only smile awkwardly, and everyone assumed she was just shy. Then it dawned on me—this old woman was certain my mother would come, and she'd been bragging to the villagers beforehand about having a daughter-in-law. It seemed the villagers didn't really believe her, but my mother's expression and silence only confirmed her status as the "daughter-in-law." Before we even left the village, my mother's face was already flushed red with embarrassment, and she didn't dare look up. Once
we were out of the village and on the country dirt road, the crowd thinned out, and my mother finally returned to normal. She only complained a little about the old woman, trying to get her to stop talking about her "daughter-in-law" to others. The old woman replied, "You gave me a grandson; if I didn't treat you like a daughter-in-law, I'd be betraying my conscience." Seeing her insistence, my mother stopped saying anything.
When we arrived at the market, it was at its busiest time, with all sorts of vendors crowding both streets. We spent the morning at the market and also strolled around the town. My mother bought the child lots of delicious food and fun toys; the child was very excited and laughed all morning. We ate lunch at the market and didn't go home until the afternoon.
When we got home, He Yonggui was already preparing dinner, with meat stewing in the pot. We sat on the kang (heated brick bed) and talked for a while. As it gradually got dark and dinner was almost ready, I suddenly felt the urge to urinate, so I went outside to the toilet. When I returned and entered the outer room, I saw He Yonggui washing dishes with a brush. He looked strange; it didn't seem like he was cleaning the dishes, but rather like he was wiping something inside. My heart skipped a beat; I realized something, but I didn't show it or greet him. I just went straight into the house and sat on the kang. A little while later, He Yonggui came in with a stack of bowls. I noticed that two of the bowls had chips, while the rest were intact. Dinner was meat soup noodles, still a large bowl for each person. My mom and I used the two intact bowls. I deliberately pretended that I didn't like the soup noodles and didn't eat much, only some vegetables. He Yonggui and his mom kept urging me to eat more, and even brought me vinegar and chili, but after adding them, I said I liked it even less. My mom scolded me for being so immature at my age, but I didn't argue with her. I just kept saying I didn't like it. Seeing this, He Yonggui and his mom started persuading my mom instead. In the end, I only reluctantly drank a few sips of the meat soup.
After finishing our meal and clearing away the dishes, the old woman turned off the light, saying she wanted to save electricity. The group sat on the kang (heated brick bed) chatting by the light of the charcoal fire in the stove. After a while, I heard my mother yawn, so I yawned too. This yawn, which hadn't made me sleepy at all, suddenly brought me back to bed. Seeing this, the old woman urged my mother and me to rest. This time, my mother didn't refuse, presumably because she was already tired. The room arrangement was the same as yesterday. He Yonggui and I slept in the next room. Having gotten somewhat used to it, I took off my outer clothes today, wearing only my thermal underwear, and crawled into bed, falling asleep almost as soon as my head hit the pillow.
After sleeping for what seemed like an eternity, I suddenly felt someone nudging me and calling softly, "Brother, brother." I was about to open my eyes to answer when I realized it was He Yonggui, so I immediately pretended to be asleep again, only slightly moving my arm. He Yonggui's voice stopped for a moment, then started calling me again. This time, I didn't even move.
He Yonggui probably thought I was asleep, so he stopped waking me. I heard him get up from the kang (a heated brick bed), seem to put something on, and then get out of bed. I opened my eyes, turned over, and looked out the window. He Yonggui's shadow passed by the window and headed towards the room next door where his mother and my mother lived. I knew I was right. I got up from the kang, pressed my ear against the wall, trying to find a crack to listen to what was happening next door. Unexpectedly, when I touched it, a piece of plaster fell off. Luckily, it wasn't a big piece, and it was in the corner, but a crack was exposed in the mud bricks behind it. I peered through the crack and could just see the kang in the next room. Although the lights weren't on, a faint moonlight shone in through the window. I saw that He Yonggui had already gone inside, and the old woman had also gotten up. Only my mother and the child remained motionless. The old woman got out of bed, wrapped herself in a quilt, picked up the child, and wrapped him in the quilt. The child wasn't even woken up. This further confirmed my suspicions: the old woman and He Yonggui had drugged my mother and me, and even the child. They probably had drugged us last night, which explained my dizziness this morning.
After whispering a few words to He Yonggui, the old woman took the child and left. I quickly lay down, afraid she would come back with the child to check on me. After a while, not hearing anyone approach, I got up again and went to the crack in the wall. He Yonggui was already on the kang (heated brick bed), having thrown his cloak aside, his long penis dangling from his crotch. He had also pulled back my mother's blanket. My mother was wearing purplish-red underwear and a bra, her plump, white thighs full of flesh. He Yonggui skillfully pulled off my mother's underwear and bra, leaving her naked on the tattered mattress. In the dim moonlight, her skin was as white as if coated with phosphorus powder, her full, firm breasts flat against her chest, her lower body only sparsely covered with a few pubic hairs, her genitals bulging. My mother still felt nothing. He Yonggui impatiently spread her legs, then pressed himself against her. He supported her from below with one hand, and with a thrust, inserted his penis into her body. His whole body tensed instantly. After a while, he slowly began to move on her. I could almost hear his heavy breathing. He Yonggui
's penis went in and out of my mother's body. After a while, I could see a glistening sheen on his penis. Then he stopped, grabbed my mother's breasts and kneaded them a few times, then lowered his head and began to suckle her nipples. After a few bites, he lifted himself up again and continued to thrust into her. The flesh on my mother's thighs trembled from his impact, and her breasts swayed back and forth in front of her chest. His saliva glistened on her nipples, making me want to grab a handful myself. I instinctively grabbed my penis, only to find it was already rock hard and burning to the touch. Without thinking twice, I started masturbating. I hadn't felt this excited in a long time since I'd spied on my mother being gang-raped. I ejaculated into the corner of the wall shortly after.
Meanwhile, He Yonggui on the next bed was almost finished. Perhaps because he hadn't been with a woman in a long time, he didn't last long either. His movements became faster and more forceful, making me worry he would wake my mother. Thankfully, after a while of rapid thrusting, he pressed his buttocks down and froze. After a minute or two, he finally got off my mother, satisfied. He casually touched her breast again, then put on the blanket, got out of bed, and went out the door. The old woman had been waiting outside. As soon as He Yonggui came out, she said a few words to him and went back inside, carrying something that looked like a towel, probably for cleaning my mother's genitals. I wanted to look, but I heard footsteps outside, probably He Yonggui returning. So I quickly lay back down and pretended to be asleep, listening to He Yonggui's footsteps enter the room. After he got on the kang (heated brick bed), he called my name softly twice. I didn't move or make a sound, and only then did he feel relieved and go to sleep. Although I was still very excited, I felt a bit tired after venting, and the drug, although not very strong, was still working. I fell asleep without realizing it.
When I woke up the next day, my mother kept complaining that she hadn't slept well the night before and that her body ached. The old woman said that she was probably used to sleeping on a soft bed in the city and couldn't get used to sleeping on this hard kang. She said that she would add two more mattresses for my mother tonight. My mom didn't comment on the old woman's explanation, just grunted in response. After breakfast, my mom said she wasn't feeling well and wouldn't go out, just stay home with the kids for the day and leave the next day. The old woman and He Yonggui were stunned, then kept urging my mom to stay a few more days, but my mom was very firm this time. I think she probably sensed something was wrong and didn't want to stay any longer. The old woman and He Yonggui finally gave in, asking my mom to stay a few more days for the sake of the kids. Mentioning the kids softened my mom's heart, and she finally agreed to stay one more day, promising to visit the kids every few months. Only then did the old woman and He Yonggui relent. My mom cooked all day; she probably guessed something was wrong, but she still didn't realize the problem lay elsewhere. Actually, thinking about it, it's understandable. They eat from the same pot; how could she be okay while the others are fine? So sometimes I think the line from that old article, "The Women in My Family," "My mom, that idiot, always thinks with her womb instead of her brain," is quite true. As a result, while my mother was cooking during the day, an acquaintance she had run into on the street the day before happened to come over for a visit. She happened to see my mother cooking, which immediately solidified her status as a daughter-in-law. Moreover, this acquaintance kept praising my mother for being virtuous and not at all spoiled, even bringing up the example of a certain family's city wife who was spoiled, lazy, and temperamental, comparing her to the old woman and He Yonggui, praising them for being lucky. My mother was so embarrassed that she couldn't speak, only blushing and smiling awkwardly. The more embarrassed she was to refute, the more the old woman and that person became, just like back in the hospital, except this time it was my mother's own doing. That person didn't stop talking until we started eating. During the meal, the old woman was still basking in this feeling of enjoyment, her face beaming as she kept piling food into my mother's bowl. My mother, on the other hand, seemed a little distracted, and I had to remind her several times before she remembered to quickly eat her rice.
Then, unsurprisingly, shortly after dinner that evening, my mother was drugged again. I hadn't eaten for two days, afraid they'd notice, so I ate quite a bit. But soon after, I used the excuse of going to the toilet to vomit it all out. So when He Yonggui slipped out that night, I was still wide awake, just like the night before, and I peeked through the crack and saw the whole process of He Yonggui vigorously having sex with my mother. But probably because he'd been with my mother for two nights, his sexual function had recovered somewhat. This time, he actually lasted a long time without ejaculating. The old woman was probably worried that my mother would wake up if it went on too long, so she gently knocked on the window. He then put in more effort and ejaculated inside my mother again after a while. This time, the old woman was clearly a little unhappy when she came in and said a few words to him. When he came back, he didn't call me and went straight to sleep.
The next day was our last day here. I sensed that my mother clearly knew what was going on, but she didn't want to say it. She didn't pay much attention to the old woman and He Yonggui anymore, but just held the child and kept cuddling with him. Maybe she felt it was the last day and she was really reluctant to leave. Even so, before dinner that evening, she left 1,500 yuan for the old woman and He Yonggui, telling them to use the money to raise the child well after we left. As she spoke, my mother cried again, crying with the child, then the old woman cried too, and finally the three of them hugged each other and cried. My mother's mind seemed to have gone blank again; she forgot how these two had treated her, and she couldn't understand anything when the child was mentioned. However, perhaps they had a change of heart, because they didn't put any drugs in the food that night. After dinner, my mother actually sat with them until 10 p.m. before going to sleep.
The next day, my mother and I left. The old woman saw us off. He Yonggui stayed home, comforting the child, afraid the child would cry if he knew his mother wasn't there. We boarded a minibus by the roadside. As we left, I saw the old woman seem to wipe her eyes. But I felt no sympathy for her; I just felt a sense of relief, just like when I handed the child over to the old woman to take away.
But I was wrong again. Soon after returning home, I found a job and started working diligently. Two months later, while I was at work, my mother suddenly called, asking if I could accompany her to the hospital the next day. I didn't know what was wrong, and when I asked my mother, she wouldn't say. Since it was the weekend, I agreed.
Unexpectedly, the next day my mother didn't go to the county hospital but to the county maternal and child health hospital. Everywhere she went, there were pregnant women. My mother immediately registered for an appointment in the obstetrics and gynecology department. I immediately understood what was going on. Afterwards, I asked my mother, and she clearly told me that she went to the maternal and child health hospital because it was less crowded and she was afraid of running into acquaintances. As luck would have it, as soon as my mother entered the OB-GYN, a woman in her forties greeted her. This woman worked at the same place as my mother and was a notorious gossip. She was also there for a pregnancy checkup. Upon seeing my mother, the woman started bombarding her with questions until the doctor gave her a referral for tests. The doctor took my mother's pulse and also gave her a referral for tests. While waiting for the results, my mother ran into the gossipy woman again in the hallway.
Unfazed by the crowd, the woman continued to chatter about women. My mother knew this woman's temperament and didn't want to offend her, fearing she would spread rumors, so she reluctantly chatted with her for a while. At ten o'clock, the test results came back. The woman wasn't pregnant, but my mother was two months pregnant! My mother turned pale with fright and immediately told the woman not to tell anyone. The woman readily agreed.
Only then did my mother go to the doctor to ask her about the pregnancy. But the trouble didn't end there. Because my mother is a married woman, an abortion requires the consent of both husband and wife; otherwise, the hospital wouldn't dare perform the procedure, fearing family members would cause a scene. When the doctor said this, my mother almost collapsed in the examination room. She knew perfectly well whose child it was, and my father was still furious; getting him to sign off on this cuckolding was a pipe dream. Since the major hospitals wouldn't perform the procedure, she could only go to a private hospital, but she was afraid to go there for fear of complications, so she had to go home first. My mother's original plan was to visit my aunt in a few days; my aunt lived in another city, and she wanted her to find a reliable private hospital there to secretly have the abortion. When I came home from work on Monday night, I found the house a mess. My mom was sitting on the sofa crying uncontrollably, and my dad was yelling. When he saw me, he slapped me hard across the face. Before I could even react, he slapped me again. I was stunned and yelled at him, "Are you crazy? Why are you hitting me?" My dad got even angrier and kicked me before yelling, "If I hit you, I'd beat you to death! How are you supposed to be watching your mother?" I immediately understood: that gossipy woman must have leaked the secret, and somehow it reached my dad's ears. I had nothing to say then. My dad lashed out at my mom and me again, then slammed the door and left. I rushed to comfort my mom, but she was genuinely scared this time, and nothing I did could soothe her. She cried until she was exhausted and finally fell asleep in the middle of the night.
The next day, I took a day off from work, partly to clean up the house, and partly because I was worried something might have happened to my mom. I wanted to talk to my dad and tell him that my mom had been drugged, but he wouldn't answer any of my calls. I called his workplace, but as soon as he heard my voice, he threw the phone down and wouldn't answer anymore. I didn't want to upset him and wanted to wait until he calmed down, so I didn't call again. Instead, I called my aunt and asked her to come and keep my mom company. My mom wasn't crying today; she just sat there blankly. When my aunt arrived, I learned that my mom's situation had become the talk of the town. Even her acquaintances were asking her about it. I thought this was a huge problem. Even if she had an abortion, my mom wouldn't be able to stay here anymore. But for now, the only option was an abortion; maybe it would allow her to go somewhere else to hide.
A few days later, my other aunt called, saying the hospital had made arrangements and we should come over. My aunt and I accompanied my mom to my other aunt's place to have the abortion done first. Unexpectedly, a check-up at the hospital revealed another serious problem. After the examination, the hospital told us that because my mother had already had one pregnancy at an advanced maternal age, her uterine wall was very thin and she couldn't have a surgical abortion, as it could damage the uterine wall and cause severe bleeding. For the same reason, a medical abortion was also not an option, as the bleeding would be too heavy, and they were worried my mother's body couldn't handle it. They could only prescribe medication for a few months to replenish her blood and see if she would have a natural miscarriage. Women at this age have a high chance of miscarriage, and with a thin uterine wall, the endometrium is also weak, greatly increasing the likelihood of a natural miscarriage. This terrified us. Of course, we wanted to save face, but her life was the most important thing. Since the doctor said it was impossible, we dared not even think about a surgical abortion again; we could only listen to the doctor.
We stayed at my aunt's house for a few days and then went home. As soon as we got home, my father called my mother's cell phone, demanding that she get an abortion immediately, or he would divorce her. My mom told him the doctor said she couldn't have an abortion and had to wait for a natural miscarriage. My dad immediately said he gave her three days to have an abortion, or he'd divorce her. My mom begged and pleaded on the phone, but my dad wouldn't budge. He even threatened to sue her if she didn't have an abortion or go to the civil affairs bureau for a divorce. My mom, having given up all hope, shamelessly told my dad to go ahead and sue. A few days later, the court summons arrived, and my mom had no choice but to go to court. Although the court didn't grant the divorce because my mom was pregnant, my parents and I had completely broken off relations. A few days later, my dad hired a car and several people to take all our belongings away. My mom and I had no choice but to stay with my aunt. My dad's intention was clear: he was waiting for my mom to give birth before divorcing her; my mom could only wait for the miscarriage to happen naturally. Unexpectedly, the baby was very robust. My mother stayed at my third aunt's house for about three months. The baby had already come out of her belly, but there was still no sign of miscarriage. People around her started gossiping more and more, and even my third aunt and uncle felt ashamed to go out. My third aunt didn't know what to say, but my third uncle's face grew increasingly grim. My mother, seeing that things weren't going well, went back to the doctor at the same hospital with me to ask why the miscarriage hadn't happened. The doctor gave us the same advice, telling us to wait and it would happen. My mother then asked my aunt to help her contact several other hospitals, but the doctors there all gave similar advice. Finally, one hospital was willing to try performing an abortion, but they were scared off when they heard that my mother was five months pregnant. We had no choice but to go back home, but we felt embarrassed to stay at my third aunt's house any longer, so we rented a room outside for the time being.
Besides the housing situation, my mother's work was also affected. Her supervisor spoke with her several times, subtly suggesting she take retirement or extended sick leave—basically, stop coming to work. The main reason was that her pregnancy had damaged the company's reputation, and being an unplanned birth would negatively impact performance evaluations; state-owned enterprises need to maintain a professional image. In truth, my mother couldn't work anymore. After such a serious incident, her reputation was ruined. Everyone at work considered her a shameless slut, and even when we walked together on the street, people would stare and gossip. At that time, it was practically impossible for her to find a place to live in our county. After much deliberation, my mother decided to take extended sick leave; otherwise, retiring now would be a huge disadvantage. After resolving the work issue, my mother and I started looking for a place to stay again. Now, only my aunt's house was an option, since her family lived in another city. So, my mother called my aunt again, hoping to stay with her for a few days. My aunt agreed, and my mother went to her house.
I thought the matter would calm down for a while, but two more months passed, and there was still no sign of miscarriage. By this time, the baby was already fully formed in her womb. My mother, seven months pregnant, didn't dare go out and stayed at my aunt's house all day. But there was an unexpected problem: my aunt's son, my cousin, was in middle school and on summer vacation. His classmates often came to visit, and they always saw my mother. Although the kids didn't say anything in front of my cousin, some inevitably told their parents about it when they got home, or gossiped about it in private. Plus, my aunt's house was only a few dozen miles from ours, and many people in the two counties were related. Gradually, the news about my mother spread throughout my aunt's neighborhood. As a result, not only my aunt and uncle were affected, but even my cousin felt ashamed. People—sometimes my aunt's colleagues, sometimes my cousin's classmates—came to visit every few days, just to see what was going on. Once or twice was fine, but with so many people coming, my aunt's family couldn't take it anymore. Although I didn't feel comfortable kicking her out, my mother herself felt she couldn't stay any longer, so she came back.
But now my mother and I are worried. The main problem is that even if she comes back, with my mother's bad reputation, she won't be able to stay here anymore. Besides, it's very inconvenient for a single middle-aged woman to have a child, and there will be many other things to worry about. After much discussion, we both felt there was only one place left to go.
So my mother wrote a letter to Henan, explaining the situation, and then packed some of her things. Because this time, unlike last time, she might be staying for a long time, so she packed a lot of things, filling two suitcases, one large and one small, and she also brought some money. I took an extra day off on the weekend, making it three days, to see my mother off. On a Friday at the end of August 2008, my mother and I boarded the train to Henan with our luggage. Since it was our second time going, we knew the way well and arrived smoothly. Unexpectedly, this time the old woman arrived early at the county bus station to meet us. With her was a man we didn't recognize. Seeing my mother, especially her pregnant belly, the old woman's face lit up with joy. She asked the man to help us with our luggage while leading us to a minivan parked nearby. It turned out the man was her distant nephew, and the minivan belonged to him. Because she was worried the minibuses at the bus station would be too bumpy and hurt the baby, she had asked her nephew to drive us there.
Although the minivan was better than the minibus we'd taken last time, it was still quite bumpy on the country dirt roads, though at least it was faster. This time, we didn't wait until dark; by four in the afternoon, our car had already entered the village. We drove directly to the old woman's house. As soon as I got out, I was surprised: compared to last time, the courtyard walls and gatehouse had clearly been repaired, with a layer of whitewashed mud on the outside.
We carried our luggage into the yard, and my mother's youngest son rushed out of the house, calling for his mother and lunging at us, but the old woman stopped him, afraid he might hurt my mother's belly. The old woman led us and the children into the house. There were quite a few people inside, and the house had been freshly painted. An old television set sat on a cabinet, and a pile of red cloth and paper lay on the kang (heated brick bed). He Yonggui was also in the house. Seeing my mother enter, he greeted her with a sheepish grin, calling her by her name, "Wanxiu, you're here." My mother already disliked him, and his affectionate way of calling her name made her even more uncomfortable. I saw her expression change, and before she could react, everyone in the house was already greeting her—some called her sister-in-law, some called her brother's wife, and some called her aunt—leaving us completely bewildered. Then it suddenly dawned on me; I thought, "Oh no, I've fallen for that old woman's trick again." Just as I was thinking this, I heard the old woman begin to explain to my mother. It turned out that as soon as the old woman received my mother's letter, she started making arrangements for my mother and He Yonggui. She figured my mother had nowhere to go anyway, my father was definitely not going to accept her, and since my mother had given birth to a child for the He family and was pregnant, she was practically a member of the He family. So, she figured she might as well take this opportunity to hold a wedding for my mother and He Yonggui, giving my mother a formal status and the children a proper place. Otherwise, even if they hid here, it wouldn't look good in the village. At
this point, the deed was done, and my mother had no choice. After all, this was the last place she could come to. Since they didn't register the marriage in the village anyway, the firecrackers were considered a wedding. My mother had no choice but to agree to the old woman's request. These past few days, the old woman had already gotten most of the arrangements done, and the wedding day was tomorrow. Since my mother had agreed, the old woman arranged for everyone to have a meal first. During dinner, I saw a distracted look on my mother's face again. It was clear that although she had agreed, she wasn't mentally prepared for marriage; it had all come so suddenly. After dinner, accompanied by several women from the He family, my mother went to the village tailor to try on clothes. The old woman had already had a wedding dress made according to my mother's approximate size. One of the people at dinner was the person in charge of tomorrow's wedding. After dinner, the person in charge began to arrange the work for tomorrow, and I was assigned to help the newlyweds by holding their wine and cups when they toasted. After the arrangements were made, everyone started decorating the bridal chamber, which was actually the main room where He Yonggui and his family were currently staying—the same room my mother and the old woman had slept in last time. I couldn't help much, so I waited until the girls finished cutting out the "double happiness" characters before joining a few boys to paste them on the doors, windows, and furniture in the yard and house, including the well. While we were busy, my mother and the women returned, bringing back clothes and some other things needed for tomorrow. The steward arranged for my mother to stay at He Yonggui's aunt's house, and He Yonggui would go to fetch the bride early the next morning. I would stay at He Yonggui's house as well, as there were chores to do tomorrow morning, such as setting off firecrackers. I originally wanted to go with my mother, since I felt I was part of her family, but the steward said that according to local custom, a son cannot accompany his wife after she remarries, so I had to follow local customs. I was busy decorating the new house until 11 p.m., and after finally finishing, I and a few unfamiliar young men were arranged to rest next to the new house. I tossed and turned, unable to sleep. Although I enjoyed watching my mother being taken advantage of, seeing her get married in front of me still had a significant impact on my mental state. This impact made me feel restless, and I finally drifted off to sleep when I was too tired to continue.
However, I didn't sleep for long. I was woken up around 6 a.m., quickly ate a few bites of food, and then grabbed a box of firecrackers to go to the door to set them off. The wedding car was the same minivan that had picked us up yesterday. Today, it was decorated with red ribbons and flowers on the hood. There were no other cars; compared to the grand processions in the city, it looked rather shabby. He Yonggui, dressed in new clothes and beaming, got into the car. His second uncle, third uncle, and third aunt were already there; they carried gifts to his aunt's house to fetch the bride.
As the car drove away, I thought to myself, my mother probably never dreamed she would remarry in such a humble manner.
I won't go into the details of the wedding ceremony; those familiar with rural Henan wedding customs will know, and those who don't are fine too—the customs are largely the same everywhere. The toasts weren't finished until 1 p.m., by which time most of the guests had already finished eating and left. Some of He's relatives were clearing away the leftovers. Here, most of the uneaten food is collected and eaten, usually enough to last for several days. Only then did the newlyweds and those who had helped with the preparations eat. At the table, my mother kept serving food to the old woman. Their positions had shifted at some point, and the old woman accepted her daughter-in-law's service without feeling overwhelmed, unlike before.
After dinner, I felt sleepy and went back to the room next to the new house, where I fell asleep immediately. When I woke up, it was almost six in the afternoon.
After dinner, some young people and idlers came to the He family's courtyard and the new house; they were there to make a ruckus. Because my mother was heavily pregnant, many of the games couldn't be played, so they didn't make things too difficult for her and He Yonggui. They only played games like "eating apples," "peeling bananas," and "finding eggs," and then the people gradually dispersed.
My vacation was only three days long, so I had to leave on the second day. Early the next morning, I got dressed and went to the He family's house. My mother was making noodles for her new mother-in-law. When they saw me, the old woman and He Yonggui invited me to sit down and eat with them.
My mom, heavily pregnant, was busy running around on the floor. I noticed that her walking posture was a bit unnatural, and it didn't seem to be caused by pregnancy, because I had been by her side for the past few months watching her belly grow bigger and bigger.
I think it was probably because He Yonggui could finally have sex with my mom openly last night, so he went a bit too far. Both my mom and He Yonggui looked exhausted; I don't know what time they went to sleep.
After dinner, I had to leave. I said goodbye to my mom and her new husband, telling her to live well with He Yonggui, and I said some good things about him. As for He Yonggui, I told him to be careful and protect my mom and the baby, as she was too far along in her pregnancy to handle anything. My mom probably understood what I meant, and her face turned red again. But He Yonggui just kept smiling and agreeing; I wasn't sure if he understood. My mother
's distant nephew had already driven off to work, so I had to walk to the edge of the village, take a minibus to the county town, and then take a train. After a bumpy day, I finally arrived home.
Lying in bed, I felt like I'd just woken from a dream; my mind was a complete mess. I picked up my phone, dialed my mother's number, and let her know I was safe in Henan. Then I hung up and fell asleep in bed.
It took me about a week to recover and slowly return to my normal routine. But it took me about two months to adjust to the fact that my mother had married and moved to Henan. During that time, I called her about once a week. Just when I was finally able to calmly reflect on everything, my mother gave birth. In the township health center, she gave birth to another boy, and the whole He family was overjoyed.
My mother told me on the phone that her mother-in-law kept praising her for being a good wife and making her look good in front of the He family and friends. My mother seemed quite proud of herself, clearly enjoying her mother-in-law's praise. But these words stirred up a lot of unease in my heart. After that, my mother asked me to help her with the divorce proceedings. She officially divorced my father. The house was awarded to my father, and she asked me to keep some of the other property for her in my rented apartment. After all the formalities were completed, I told my dad that my mom had remarried in Henan.
Upon hearing this, my dad was stunned for a moment, then took a deep drag on his cigarette, threw it on the ground, stomped it out, and left without looking back.
As the Spring Festival of 2009 approached, I felt I should visit my mom in Henan, so I called her, arranged a date, packed some of her things at home, and took the train to Henan again, arriving at my mom's current home. As soon as I entered the courtyard, my mom came out of the house to greet me. My mom had changed somewhat since my last visit. She was wearing a cheap pink down jacket, common in rural areas, and cotton-padded trousers without leggings. Her hair was tied up, and although her skin was still fair, it was slightly rough. Having just finished her postpartum confinement and still breastfeeding, my mom's breasts were large and swollen, swaying constantly as she walked. She already looked somewhat like a Henan peasant woman. My mother led me into the main room, while the old woman took Baogen to visit neighbors. Only He Yonggui remained, still with his usual憨笑 (simple, honest smile). My mother's newborn baby was already asleep in an old swaddling cloth on the kang (heated brick bed). My mother sat on the kang, ordering He Yonggui to bring me tea and water. If He Yonggui was slow, my mother would gently scold him, already acting like the lady of the house—something my mother had never experienced before. When we lived together, my father never did any chores. This scene filled me with emotion. After the old woman returned with Baogen, my mother and He Yonggui started cooking dinner. The old woman soothed Baogen and her grandson on the kang. Amidst the rising smoke and steam, I felt a sense of peace and tranquility.
With the new addition to the family, the two mud-brick rooms suddenly felt cramped. Originally, my mother and He Yonggui shared a room, while the old lady and her grandson shared another. After I arrived, they had to arrange for my mother and the old lady and grandson to share, while I continued to share with He Yonggui. Now that my mother is his wife, she can't be drugged anymore, so He Yonggui can't go over to sleep with her at night. I was so eager to see them making love, but I didn't get to. However, judging from my mother's full and mature appearance now, they must have been quite harmonious while I was away.
I stayed at my mother's house for four days, then rushed back home before the New Year to prepare for work after the holiday. However, during those days at my mother's house, I kept thinking: was my mother's marriage to someone from Henan a reluctant compromise, or a fortunate twist of fate? Is there a clear answer to all these questions? I couldn't figure it out.
That concludes my mother's main experiences. From 2009 until now, I've visited Henan several times on and off. Each time I went, my mother's two children had grown a little older; they've already learned to call me "brother." My mother is increasingly resembling a typical Henan peasant woman, wearing peasant clothes, doing peasant work, chatting and visiting with other peasant women in the village, even making vulgar jokes—things she would never have done back in her hometown. During the Spring Festival of 2013, my most recent trip to Henan, I even noticed a distinct Henan accent in her voice, and words like "zhong" and "ren" had somehow become part of her speech.
Perhaps my mother's life will continue peacefully and quietly like this, though much poorer than back in our hometown, but I feel she is fulfilled and content. However, life is unpredictable; who knows what might happen in the future? Nobody can say for sure.

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