Childhood impulses and sex with Aunt Wu

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My childhood impulses and my sexual encounter with Aunt Wu

occurred during a time of national poverty and isolation. I was thirteen years old then. Having no sisters, I knew very little about matters of the heart, and given my family's modest means, I spent my time studying and helping my parents with chores. Books depicting romantic love were rare then, and even movies rarely showed scenes of lovers embracing. I read a long book called *The Guerrilla Force Behind Enemy Lines*, which included a chapter about a female Communist, Wang Xia, who was nearly raped by a traitor after being arrested. At the time, I didn't understand, but while reading it, I felt an inexplicable urge, and my penis became erect. However, I dared not tell anyone, fearing I would be considered a bad child. In those days, male and female classmates didn't speak or interact. Even for adults, engaging in improper sexual relations was considered a political mistake, subject to criticism meetings and public parades. Therefore, any movies or novels depicting rightists or daughters of landlords being raped by Cultural Revolution cadres are entirely fictitious. Frankly, the cadres back then were far more honest and disciplined than those today.

After reading this book, I kept thinking about what I would do if a woman were with me when I went to sleep at night. Because I didn't know what ejaculation was, I felt that I would have this endless sexual desire. My penis also got hard with these fantasies, and a little bit of mucus came out, probably because the sperm were just starting to form.

The family next door was a family of three from Shanghai. They had a five-year-old girl named Weiwei, who was fair-skinned and chubby. My mother liked her very much, probably because she didn't have a daughter. So she often came to our house to play. There weren't any kindergartens back then, and her parents would leave her to play at home while they were at work. Anyway, back then, most families were similar, and there wasn't much of value. Crime was also rare, so safety was basically absolute.

Our school had political study sessions on Wednesday afternoons, so we had the day off to study at home. Usually, my friends and I would play "war games," which were imitations of the battle scenes in movies like "The War of the Three Kingdoms." Ever since reading the book and developing this curiosity about men and women, I've felt a strong urge to try it out. So that afternoon, instead of playing, I idly stood at the entrance, looking around. That's when I saw Weiwei come out with a jump rope—the kind that's like a rubber band, tied to both ends of a tree and used for jumping. Girls used to play that. I quickly went over and said, "Weiwei, let's play together!" She was overjoyed because she was lonely and bored without anyone to play with. She readily agreed, saying, "Okay, I'll jump with you." I couldn't jump rope (back then, boys who could were ridiculed), so I always lost to her, and she seemed quite proud of it. I mentioned playing pinball at my house. It was a game for boys back then. You draw a large square on the ground, divide the pieces into two groups, each group placing their pieces on one side. You use your thumb and middle finger to flick your pieces towards your opponent's pieces; if a piece goes out of bounds, it's captured. Of course, I was better at this than her. We squatted down and started playing. I glimpsed her small, tender vulva through the side of her shorts—very clean, white, just a slit. I really didn't understand how men and women could have sex. Back then, I didn't know anything about vaginas; I just thought it was either anal or urethral insertion. After playing for a while, she kept losing and got angry and stopped playing. I said, "Let's play house." She said okay. I said, "You be the mom, and I'll be the dad." We started building houses with blocks. She... While I was cooking, doing chores, and going to work, I suddenly said to her, "Pretend you're sick, I'll give you a shot." She said to lie face down on the bench. I pulled down her underwear, revealing her white buttocks and a faint, slightly pungent smell. I started pretending to give her a shot, then touched her buttocks and vagina with my palm. I said, "You have a fever, I'll take your temperature." I turned her over, pulled down my own underwear, and used my already erect penis as a thermometer, lying on top of her between her legs. It felt incredibly stimulating, like I wanted to stay there forever, but I was also very scared. She looked at my penis curiously and touched it a few times. Afraid the adults would come home, I said I was done playing and told her not to tell the adults. That was the first game I ever found so exciting. After playing, she came to visit my house and told my mom, "I played games with my brother today." I quickly gave her a wink, and she was smart enough to say we played house, building houses. I was relieved. After that, I didn't dare play anymore, afraid she would tell everyone. But my curiosity about the mystery of sex didn't diminish at all.

Another year passed, and some of my friends also began to be curious about this aspect, learning more from their teachings, but the opportunity never came. My father had a skill, and my mother had a close colleague, Aunt Wu, whose husband had died in a work accident. Sometimes her house would leak, and my father would always go to help her out, so she and my mother were like sisters. We had a small courtyard with a grape trellis, and sometimes they would sit under the trellis to cool off and drink tea. Back then, very few households had toilets; they were all public. My father had to train apprentices at the factory, so he came home very late, and they weren't too shy about it. Sometimes when it was hot, they would chat wearing only vests. There weren't any bras back then, and a woman's vest was enough for me to see the outline of her breasts. I was inside, the window facing them. As long as the light wasn't on, I could see outside, but they couldn't see inside. Whenever this happened, I'd pull down my pants, let my erect penis press against the wall, and stare intently at Aunt Wu. Seeing her breasts sway as she chased away mosquitoes, sometimes lifting them to scratch, gave me an electrifying urge. What I enjoyed even more was that they urinated on the edge of the ditch under the grape trellis because going to the public toilet after discharge was troublesome and far, and they had to put their clothes back on. Every time I saw her lift her skirt, pull down her underwear, and see her snow-white buttocks and the urine shooting from her dark vagina, my legs would tremble uncontrollably. That was my most exciting moment.

Aunt Wu liked me very much, perhaps because her daughter didn't live with her for a long time. She always said I looked like a girl. I was the youngest of my brothers, so she seemed to dote on me the most. Sometimes she'd take me with her to the market, and she always saved the best food for me. One day I was home alone when I heard someone come in. I saw it was Aunt Wu, so I politely invited her in. She asked where my family was, and I said they had all gone out. My mom had taken my brother to pick out clothes. My dad hadn't come back yet, so I was home alone. After hearing this, she said, "Come to my house. I bought some popsicles, but it's too hot to bring them. I put them in a thermos." Back then, there were no refrigerators, so the so-called thermos was just a wide-mouthed hot water bottle. Popsicles were an absolute temptation for me back then. I even said, "Auntie, you should keep them for yourself." She smiled and said, "Auntie saved them for you all," and then took my hand and led me to her house. It was only a ten-minute walk from mine, a single-story house with a small yard. I sat on her bed, and she busied herself taking down the thermos from the table and getting me a popsicle. As usual, I removed the wrapper and let her take the first bite. She smiled broadly, took a bite, and affectionately hugged me, then watched me eat with a smile. I felt a little embarrassed and said, "Auntie Wu, you should have some too." She said she'd already eaten. I didn't know what to say for a moment, just silently sucking on my popsicle. Suddenly, Auntie Wu said, "Am I good to you?" I said yes, like my mother. She was even happier, hugging me affectionately for a while, her face showing a complex expression, perhaps recalling many sad things.

I finished eating, but she still offered me some. I said no, it was already cool enough. Back then, popsicles were just sugar and water, or better ones with mung beans, but they were very cooling, so one was usually enough. She said to me, "I wish you were a girl. Your mom really wanted a girl, etc. Luckily, when you grow up, you can marry your sister Jianping (her daughter)." I blushed and lowered my head. She continued, "Look at me, you're so young, do you even know what marriage is?" I said I knew, it's when a man and a woman live together. She laughed and said, "So simple?" I noticed her whole body twitching when she laughed, as if it were something special. She said I was too young to understand, there were many things to do when getting married. As she spoke, she touched my penis and said, "Do you know what this is for?" Actually, my penis was already hard, but I pretended to be silly and said, "It's for peeing." She laughed again and said, "Silly child, if it's that simple, why don't women have penises? Where do babies come from?" I said, "As long as a man and a woman are together, they can pick up babies outside" (back then, when adults asked their children this question, they always said they picked them up). She laughed so hard she bent over, saying, "Silly boy, there aren't that many babies waiting for you to pick up after you get married!" I seized the opportunity to ask her, "Then how do you have children?" She whispered mysteriously, "A man has to mate with a woman to have a child. It's when your little penis goes inside a woman's vagina." As she spoke, she pointed to her genitals. Seeing my blank expression, she coaxed me, "Come on, Auntie will tell you, but you can't tell anyone else, okay?" I nodded. She said, "Take off your pants." I was a little shy, but she added, "I'm your mother now, what are you afraid of?" I obediently took off my pants. She exclaimed in surprise, "I didn't know!" and even stood up. She casually stroked my penis, which at the time was only about the size of a lighter, half-foreskin in place. (There are articles claiming that people have penises over ten centimeters long when they're teenagers, etc., but that's pure nonsense, completely made up.) She played with it for a while longer, and I saw a greedy glint in her eyes (now I realize how much a single woman needed it back then, and how afraid to date men in those days). I sat on the bed like that, and she started stroking my penis while telling me what this and that were called, what they were for, that the two testicles were for storing sperm, and that when the penis was inserted into a woman's vagina, it would ejaculate inside, allowing the woman to have children, and so on. I asked her, "Auntie, where do you insert it? Is it into the urinary tract?" She said no, it's below the urethra, there's a special place for a man's penis to go in, called the vagina. Seeing my confused look, she said, "Auntie will show you and you'll understand."

A few people took off their clothes, and we were lying naked on the bed, facing each other. My heart was pounding. I saw her two large, white breasts, her slightly plump belly, and a thick tuft of dark pubic hair between her two snow-white thighs. She was leaning against the headboard, her legs raised, giving me a clear view of her vulva. From the outside, her vulva was very thick, the flesh on both sides of the slit glistening, her clitoris exposed, with two dark purple labia. This was so different from the vulva I had seen on Weiwei. I stared, mesmerized. She reached her hands under her legs and spread her labia. I saw the red vulva. At the time, I didn't understand; it looked complicated and messy inside. She told me that the small bean-shaped opening was for urination, and the lower opening was the vagina, where a man's penis was inserted. As she spoke, she slowly... I probed inside and clearly saw her middle finger slowly penetrate her vagina, all the way to the base of her finger. By then, she was already very wet. She said, "Come here, lie on top of me." I mechanically crawled over, and she told me to try inserting my finger into her vagina. I mustered my courage and boldly inserted my right index finger. It felt very smooth and warm inside. She told me to move my finger up and down and left and right, which I did. It felt like a vast world inside. She got up and pressed me down on the bed, smoothed her hair back, leaned down, and took my penis into her mouth, then began to suckle it vigorously. I felt a sensation like an electric current coursing through my body. I couldn't take it, but I didn't want to resist. My heart was beating faster and faster. But anyway, she was older than me, and she was the one who made me do it. I wasn't a bad kid. I comforted myself with this thought. Her sucking became faster and faster, and with her sucking, my foreskin was completely pulled back. At that time, I wasn't fully developed, and the glans was very sensitive to this kind of stimulation. It was like touching the tender flesh under a fingernail. There's a stimulating pleasure mixed with a cramping pain.

I cried out, "Auntie, it hurts!" The auntie stopped, looked at me for a while, and said, "It's always like this at first, it'll get better after a few times." I said again, "Auntie, aren't you disgusted?" She smiled and said, "Silly child, this is the cleanest place, that's where people are created." She continued, "You do it to Auntie like this too, that way you won't feel the pain."

As she spoke, she turned around and lay on top of me, placing her large, white buttocks on my face. This was the closest I had ever seen a mature woman's vulva clearly. It was already wet and glistening, like leaves after the rain glistening with dewdrops. Her labia were wide open because her legs were spread wide apart. She brought her vulva closer and closer to my mouth. I mustered my courage, opened my mouth, and stuck out my tongue. The moment I took her clitoris in my mouth and touched it with my tongue (she had just told me that the clitoris is the most sensitive female genital organ), she suddenly groaned and tilted her head back. I held her buttocks with both hands and began to suckle, imitating her. She began to tremble and writhe all over, her movements lewd and terrifying. Perhaps it was because I was still a child, and my mouth was small enough to perfectly contain her exposed clitoris, or perhaps it was because she hadn't had sex in a long time. With these factors, having sex with a young boy must have been incredibly stimulating and novel for her. I was also immersed in this frenzy. Perhaps my mind was focused on watching and sucking on my aunt's vagina, and I didn't even feel anything unusual about my penis. We were just like that, going crazy, feeling her ecstatic moans and rapid breathing. I suddenly felt a kind of excited pleasure all over my body, like I wanted to shout. At this moment, she turned around and swayed her two breasts from side to side to my mouth. I sucked on one for a while and then the other, feeling like I couldn't get enough. Suddenly, she leaned down and gave me a long, affectionate kiss on the lips. I saw that she had her eyes closed, and her expression showed love, satisfaction, and even gratitude.

Suddenly, I felt that Aunt Wu was the most adorable person in my life, and I couldn't help but wrap my arms around her neck. After a while, Aunt Wu straightened up and whispered, "Auntie will show you how your little thing got into me." As she spoke, she straightened my penis with two fingers, aimed it at her vaginal opening, and slowly sat down. As soon as the glans entered, I felt a sensitive pain, and my body involuntarily stiffened. Aunt Wu quickly lifted her head, stroked my forehead with her hand, and said, "Auntie, are you naughty?" I firmly shook my head and said, "Auntie, I'm not naughty. Auntie is the person I like the most." I was telling the truth. Auntie's eyes welled up with tears. I lay back on the bed again, and this time Auntie cautiously lowered herself, lifting up little by little, gradually increasing the depth. She watched my expression; if I frowned, she would lift up. I could see she was covered in sweat, the scent of her vaginal fluid giving me a novel sensation. My penis seemed somewhat numb by then, perhaps from the excessive vaginal fluid. Sitting down no longer hurt much; instead, it felt very comfortable. Seeing that I wasn't in pain, Auntie happily began to move up and down, squatting like that to avoid hurting me. With both hands on the bed, like a frog, I looked at her profile through the reflection in the mirror on the wall. Her waist was low, and her large, snow-white buttocks were thrusting out. I had never seen a woman in such a position before. Under the caress of her warm, moist womb, my penis reflexively and uncontrollably throbbed and twitched intermittently. The tender foreskin stretched the base of my glans with a tearing pain. (Some people say that they had a very successful time having sex with women when they were young, but that's just imagination. For boys who are not fully developed, especially those whose foreskin is not fully open, the first time they have sex with a woman is also very painful. My penis was swollen for more than a week after I had sex.) I was completely overwhelmed by this novel and comfortable feeling. As my aunt went wild, I suddenly felt a latent but indescribable undercurrent rising all over my body. This was actually the prelude to ejaculation. I didn't understand at the time, but I didn't have time to react. I felt like I wasn't myself anymore. My virgin semen just gushed out like that. The throbbing of my penis gave me a feeling of pleasure, but at the same time, it was a tearing pain that made me scream and straighten up. My aunt probably didn't expect such a severe consequence. She was so scared that she hugged me and kept stroking and patting me. My whole body kept convulsing. I felt like my penis wasn't my own anymore. My lower body was numb and torn apart. Tears fell down my face. Aunt Wu was terrified, her lust vanished instantly, and she quickly lifted herself up. As she did so, my penis involuntarily moved forward with her body. I now know that was a natural reaction from my penis after ejaculation, due to the tenderness and sensitivity of the glans. Aunt Wu had already stood up, and I saw my semen mixed with her vaginal fluid dripping down. She didn't bother to clean herself up and quickly sat down next to me, hugging me and saying with tears in her eyes, "It's all Aunt Wu's fault, Aunt Wu is bad." Then she looked at my penis with concern. My penis was still very hard and hadn't gone down yet. At that moment, I felt like my lower body wasn't my own anymore; my legs were sore and numb. The base of my glans was red and seemed a little swollen. Touching it was excruciatingly painful. Aunt Wu didn't even bother to put on her clothes and quickly soaked a towel in warm water and gently applied it to my penis. After a while, my penis softened, and it was a little swollen and shiny. I tried to push the foreskin back up with my hand, but it hurt a lot, and it would automatically and slowly pull back down again. My aunt comforted me, saying it was alright, that men have to have this kind of skin when they grow up, otherwise they'd need surgery. As she spoke, she wiped my body several more times, and the pain gradually subsided. I tried to get up and walk a few steps, feeling okay. My aunt hugged me, and I placed my hands on her back. The mystery and passion from before were gone in an instant; my mind was a mess, and I felt a little scared. My aunt told me to sit down and rest for a while, while she busied herself cleaning herself. There were traces of our love fluid on the sheets. She changed her clothes, and I put mine on too. After we were all cleaned up and she saw that I had calmed down and returned to normal, it was getting late. She said, "I'll take you home. Don't tell anyone, okay?" I nodded firmly. She picked up the popsicle thermos on the table, and we went home together.

After that, I spent more than ten days in fear and confusion. Later, when I saw that the swelling in my penis had gone down, I felt relieved. However, after that incident, the foreskin of my penis seemed to be looser than before. Sometimes, when my penis got hard, the glans would automatically pull out. Perhaps my aunt knew that after this incident, I would take the initiative to seek her out. After all, a man can't do without that kind of pleasure. So, after that, I basically had sex with my aunt once every two weeks. At that time, I didn't know why she didn't remarry. Later, I went to middle school in another city and lived at my maternal grandmother's house. I lost contact with my aunt, but I would go home every time I had a holiday. I was already grown up and no longer needed my aunt to teach me. These were the happiest times for us. I even had the idea of spending my life with her. Maybe I was naive back then and had never experienced other women. She would always laugh and say, "Don't think nonsense. I'll be at ease if you spend your life with your sister Jianping."

Later, I went to high school in a more distant place, and my family moved away. My father was transferred to another unit. When we parted, my mother and aunt hugged each other in tears. My aunt looked at me with complicated eyes. I still remember it vividly now. That separation lasted for five years.

Later, I graduated from university and was assigned to work for a company. My mother still kept in touch with Aunt Wu. She said that her daughter had also gotten married, and she was still single. Perhaps for her daughter's sake, I asked my mother for her address and went to visit her during my vacation. She was almost fifty years old, and her hair had turned gray. When she saw me, she seemed to blush and hurriedly greeted me. I was now tall and strong, not the same person I used to be. It was fate. Her daughter lived with her husband's family and only visited her once a week or two. She lived in a single room allocated to her by her work unit. I stayed at her place for three days. Needless to say, it was also three days of rekindling our lovemaking. Her body was looser than before, but we could still make love passionately. Perhaps I gave her too many memories, just like she gave me. For me, there was an element of first love involved. Even now, married with children, I can still find traces of that formative childhood in her. She always seemed a little guilty, saying she used to berate herself for being so shameless, and this sense of guilt made her reluctant to remarry. I laughed and comforted her, saying that I actually needed those things back then, and that when she urinated under the grape trellis, I was naked through the window, waiting for that day. She seemed relieved. I then advised her to marry a good man, saying her life had been too difficult, and now she didn't have to worry about her daughter anymore, she should enjoy herself.

Later, I heard from my mother that she married a retired military officer more than ten years her senior. After that, I lost contact with her and never heard from her again.

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