How stubborn our hearts are

page views:1 Publication date:2022-09-28

(Part 1) The story begins six years ago. I had been working for two years then, and my monthly salary had increased from 1,200 to 2,000. I was itching to travel and see the beautiful landscapes of our country. I was working for a company with weekends off, so the opportunity arose. Sitting on a train with my backpack, listening to the clattering of the train, I felt like I was soaring to the heavens. Given my circumstances, I could only travel one weekend a month, visiting counties and cities within the province. But my girlfriend wasn't happy about this, and there was a reason for it. There's a saying in our countryside: "A twenty-four-year-old is full of fertility." It means that young men in their twenties are energetic, hot-tempered, and prone to causing trouble. Another reason was that Liu Yuxi thought I was incredibly repressed and like a pile of dry tinder, easily ignited without her supervision. On the night of my graduation, I unusually went to toast all four classes in my major. Being a lightweight, I felt incredibly tightness in my chest and my heart was pounding afterward. Wandering alone around the library, I saw a girl sitting on the stone steps in front of the library, sobbing softly. I listened intently. She said her university life was a complete failure; she'd never been first in her class, never received a national scholarship, and had never even been in a relationship. Hearing this, I suddenly felt a surge of heroic spirit. I patted her shoulder and said, "Tonight is the last night before graduation. I'll help you find love." Startled by my sudden appearance, she tried to run away, but I grabbed her wrist and pulled her to my chest. We recognized each other; she was Liu Yuxi, from my class. After pulling her close, a wave of sadness washed over me, and my weight almost completely pressed against her. I said, "I've never been in a relationship either, I don't even know what a condom looks like." We'd met countless times in the library, exchanging only nods and smiles, never imagining such a scene would unfold. We sat knee to knee for a while, and to give our university life a perfect ending, we decided to go to a hotel. On the way, I held her hand, caressing her smooth skin, feeling parched and my erection throbbing. Once in the room, I kicked off my shoes, collapsed onto the bed, my head throbbing, my body trembling, my mind urging me to make my move. The internal struggle felt like decades had passed. The moonlight outside the window was bright; a petite figure with long, flowing hair sat motionless on the edge of the bed. I finally mustered my courage, touched her arm again, and wrapped my arms around her waist. Before my hands were even settled, they moved upwards, touching the underwire of her bra. She reflexively flung my hands away and pushed me away, saying, "We're just here to sleep, to fulfill our desires, don't..." I thought about it. A jolt went through me, and I felt as if I'd sobered up considerably. My lower abdomen felt as soft as a silkworm's cocoon. I went to the bathroom, quickly washed up, and went to sleep. The night passed peacefully. The next day, half-asleep, I smelled a fragrant aroma wafting from beside me. Just as I was about to open my eyes, I heard a soft voice beside me: "I'll give you one more chance. If nothing's happened by eight o'clock, I'm leaving this room." These soft words were like a sudden awakening, instantly enlightening me. I deliberately turned over, pretending to mutter in my sleep, "Liu Yuxi, don't go. I've loved you for over a thousand days..." Day and night, I hadn't even told you how I felt before you left. I gripped the blankets tightly with exaggerated force, kicking my legs wildly. After a few seconds of this, I started to wake up. As soon as I saw her, I grabbed her tightly with both arms, not letting her escape. This time, I felt more confident and less impatient. I whispered all the pain of longing in her ear, my hands spreading across her back like a map I'd kept hidden for half a year. At that moment, her body felt like dough, ready to be molded into whatever shape I wanted. Afterwards, she said that when I held her so tightly she couldn't move, she felt a sense of security, and her body suddenly went limp. Come, lean against me. At that moment, I was like a duckling entering the water for the first time, full of curiosity. My erection pressed against her lower abdomen, my tongue licked her face like a dragonfly skimming the water, my hands wandered from her back to her chest and back again, unsure where to go. As I tried to pull her breasts out of her bra, she said, "Let me do it myself." She first took off her short-sleeved shirt, then bent her hands behind her back to unbutton it, her two little white rabbits bouncing and fully exposed before me. I'm sure I didn't blink once. After taking off her top, she started to take off her skirt, her eyes... As I lay down, she slowly lowered herself towards me. Contrary to what you might expect, I saw innocence and tenderness in her eyes, like a flawless gem radiating natural light. Unfortunately, I was a bloodthirsty beast then, incapable of pure spiritual communication. My hands reached between her waist and hips, removing her last line of defense. I ripped off my underwear and kicked it off the bed. I parted her legs, supporting myself on the bed with my left hand, gripping my penis in my right, and moved my body towards her crotch. At that moment, I saw her eyes slightly closed, long eyelashes covering her lower eyelids, her cherry lips slightly parted, her chest rising... My body was smooth and flawless, like jade. At that moment, I felt an unprecedented surge of strength and courage within me. Even if a tiger stood in my way, I would charge forward without hesitation. My spear tip touched the soft grass, then entered the ravine within the grass, where dew was faintly visible. The grass was thick and the ravine narrow; I had to become a miner, turning on the bedside lamp, widening my stride, and digging with my hands to help my little brother move forward with difficulty. This time, my little brother finally touched something warm. A joyful ripple spread through the surging waves of emotion within me. My little brother was ready to charge straight in, to strike at the heart of the enemy. But then I heard a soft groan from beneath her, and her body flinched. "Does it hurt?" I asked, looking up at her. She kept her eyes closed, biting her lip, and shook her head. I continued to push, and she still flinched. Our bodies moved forward, and soon half her head was off the bed, her hair spread across the floor. Frustrated, I dragged her back to the center of the bed and asked her what to do. Liu Yuxi said, "Just go for it, I'll bear it." What followed was utterly comical. I grabbed Liu Yuxi's shoulders, intending to thrust wildly, but... The Dao, however, was like an old tractor that stalled completely after only a few cranks. Yes, propelled by primordial power, the myriad beings within me surged forth, rushing towards their longed-for final resting place. I let out a long sigh and collapsed heavily beside Liu Yuxi. After resting for a while, we returned to school. Then she went back to her hometown, while I stayed in the local city. We met once a month, and each time we met, I was a "seven-times-a-night man," seemingly to frantically make up for the regret of only having one time that day. Or perhaps I'm just a repressed pervert; once passion is ignited, I become utterly insane. (Part 2) Six years ago, cell phones weren't so smart. Green and red trains were the norm, and the slow journeys meant people had nothing to do and enjoyed chatting with strangers to pass the long, lonely trips. I finally won over Liu Yuxi; her condition was that I couldn't stay in a hotel that night, but had to stay at a friend's house. I must say, women are such clever creatures. Years later, I saw that hotels would hand out small cards outside with reservation numbers for things like "student girls" or "mature women." I even heard someone boast about it once in a QQ group, saying they stayed in a hotel using the same card trick, and met a junior high dropout. The student girl, and then excitedly ejaculated inside. That time I went to Yuyao, I decided to visit Wang Yangming's former residence and the Hemudu Site. It's about a two-hour train ride from H City to Yuyao, and in my expectations, it will be a wonderful journey. Moreover, the train passes through fields, the train passes through mountains, the train wanders under the white clouds, the clock hand turns quickly, in the long plum rain season in the south, seeds are reborn, and greenery grows, only our hearts are stubbornly unable to melt. I boarded the train and randomly composed some verses. Car 5, seat 33, this is my seat. It's not crowded. The train was nearly full, with only a few people sitting in small groups, about two-thirds of the way. Next to me sat a girl, her hair tied in a ponytail, around twenty-seven or twenty-eight years old, slightly plump, with a prominent cleavage. I smiled slightly at her, put down my backpack, and sat down. There were only two people in our row of three seats; she was in the middle. When I sat down, my entire leg was almost touching hers. I shifted my leg away from her, but she followed. I looked up at her; she gave an awkward smile and pulled her leg back. Back then, cell phones didn't have so many features, and the journey was lonely; we quickly struck up a conversation. Oh, it turns out she was like me, getting off at Yuyao to visit her relatives. Hearing I was traveling, she asked me what attractions were there. I briefly mentioned some, like the Jade Garden, Yangming's Former Residence, the Hemudu Site, and Siming Lake, introducing their unique features. She looked at me with wide eyes and said, "Since you know so much about it, why did you even come to see it?" I said, "Seeing it in person is definitely different from reading about it on paper. It's like asking whether you prefer watching Andy Lau on screen or actually touching him in real life?" She smiled slightly and said, //xiuchuan-sh."Domestic AV: Two Women Sharing One Husband - That's a twisted logic." Then she asked if I could take her along and be her guide. I kept Liu Yuxi's advice in mind, but I couldn't refuse a girl's joking request in public, so I said sure. I'd go to a friend's house tonight, and we'd meet up tomorrow. She then asked for my phone number. After two hours, I learned a bit about her: she was from northern Jiangsu, had an aunt in Yuyao, and was visiting her; she might stay and work there if possible. Through repeated sidelong glances, I felt this girl wasn't particularly pretty. She had fair skin, a plump figure, and a relatively deep cleavage; by today's popular rating system, she'd probably be a 6.5 out of 10. When I got off the bus, I saw she was dragging a large suitcase. I asked her where she was going, and she said to take the bus across the street. I helped her carry the suitcase to the bus stop and said goodbye. She asked me not to leave yet and to go shopping with her. I told her I'd already told my friend I'd be there on time. As you know, that was just an excuse; Liu Yuxi was watching me, so I'd better behave myself. I took another bus to my friend's place. He was watching DVDs at home. I put down my backpack and was about to sit down and watch with him when… The phone rang. "Hello, do you remember me? I didn't go to my aunt's house earlier; I found a room by myself. Come over and keep me company while I go shopping; I'm so lonely." I quickly went to the door and whispered, "No, I can't. I just arrived at my friend's house; he has some things to help with. You should just enjoy yourself." She said, "I'm so unfamiliar with this place; I really need someone to keep me company..." She went on and on about how pitiful she sounded. Being a shy person, I couldn't bring myself to refuse her outright. So I came up with an excuse, hoping she'd back off: "I really do have something to do. If you don't believe me, come visit my friend." To my surprise, she immediately replied, "Okay!" "Okay, tell me the address, I'll be right there." I'd set a trap for myself, so I reluctantly gave her the address. Actually, I was still hoping she wouldn't be so bold as to come. Twenty minutes later, she arrived in a flurry. Seeing us watching a DVD, she asked my friend, "What are you going to do later?" My friend looked blank. "I'm fine, just watching DVDs this afternoon." She walked up to me, stared into my eyes, and chuckled, "So what you meant by 'something going on' is watching DVDs." I was embarrassed and speechless, only able to continue staring at the TV screen. She asked my friend, "Do you have a spare room? I need to discuss something with him." My friend pointed to the living room next door. She pulled me into the guest room, locked the door as soon as we were inside, and wrapped one arm around my waist while using the other to unbuckle my belt. I was momentarily stunned. I hadn't met many girls in my life, and one as bold and unrestrained as her was beyond my imagination. I grabbed her hand that was unbuckled, signaling her to be careful of the outside world, but she only intensified her actions, starting to take off her top and moving closer to me. I caught a glimpse of her deep, white cleavage. She didn't stop, continuing to take off her pants. I knew I couldn't escape this ordeal, so I hoped to finish quickly and try not to let my friends outside notice anything amiss. I saw that she was only wearing underwear... I slipped my pants under the covers, quickly stripped off all my clothes, strode onto the bed, and got straight to the point. My hand went straight to the dark, wet patch of grass, which was already a muddy mess. Without a second thought, I grabbed my weapon and went for it. But as soon as I reached the entrance, I realized something was wrong—I hadn't used any protection. What if I left any trace? My opponent had already seen through my intentions. It was my safe period. Come on! My mind went blank. At that moment, I didn't care about anything else and plunged in. The process went smoothly, and a wave of heat washed over me. I started with a lot of force, without any technique or skill. I just wanted to finish quickly and escape the awkwardness. Not long after… She was already moaning beneath me, thankfully she was somewhat restrained, the sounds were relatively soft. Before long, I felt a bit bored and tired, so I signaled her to change positions. She got up, her buttocks facing me—this was one of my favorite positions; this was what it meant to be lost in thought. I was like an experienced driver, my hands could be placed anywhere, my waist thrusting, and I could drive forward. If I wanted to speed things up, I would grip the steering wheel tightly with both hands, and I could be on the highway, leaving everyone else in the dust. I continued to push relentlessly, relying on speed and strength to complete this awkward intercourse as quickly as possible. Things went smoothly, I quickly ejaculated, resolving the battle. The fight. In the final ten seconds or so, as my hips slammed into her buttocks, making a series of slapping sounds, I wondered if our friends outside could hear it. I had just pulled out my "spear" when she immediately turned and took it into her mouth. What kind of move was this? I'd never seen it before. My "spear," freshly fired, seemed a little hesitant in the face of her licking tongue, and for a moment, I was still somewhat sluggish. Soon after, waves of pleasure washed over me. I felt as if I were on a mountaintop, wearing a wingsuit, soaring down like a bird, experiencing the most breathtaking scenery in the world. "Ari, I'm going to a friend's house. I'll be back around dinnertime. You two can talk." "My friend went out! A huge weight was lifted from my heart. I was just about to savor the amazing sensation coming from my lower body when she relented and pushed me down onto the bed. My erect penis bounced as I fell. Before I could even sit properly, she straddled me, and my penis smoothly entered that familiar place. When I was little, I saw a book called 'Jade Chamber Divine Techniques' at a street stall and wondered if there were any techniques involved. Later, as I grew older, I learned a little about things like licking, sucking, exhaling, and blowing; missionary positions, rear entry, Guanyin sitting on a lotus, old tree roots; and the nine shallow and one deep, eight shallow and two deep techniques. This scene broadened my horizons. Although she was only using the Guanyin sitting on a lotus, she had mastered the details. She moved and retreated, using the nine shallow and one deep techniques, each time penetrating to the root, and even performing a locking technique while still. This time was different from the last. This time, we both felt less burdened." No longer afraid of being overheard, she moaned and groaned on top of me, her voice much louder than before. I gasped below, no longer holding back. This time, she was on top the whole time, until she collapsed onto me. The moment she collapsed, my bullets began to fire all at once, with the force of a monk after three months of sedation. We both lay down on the bed, and now I finally had a chance to express my curiosity. I said, "Why did you have to follow me here, and so boldly? I touched your skin on the train; it was firm and elastic, which means your sexual function must be excellent, and your penis must be incredibly hard. You might think I'm a slut, but you're reliable and trustworthy, and I also feel a connection with you. This just proved that my judgment was correct, my boldness was worthwhile, and I haven't felt this good in a long, long time." After that... This memory kept replaying in my mind. It felt like Tinto Brass's *Adultery*, where the heroine's first encounter with the spear startled me, and her unwavering act of thrusting startled me even more. Her boldness and unrestrained passion were captivating and unforgettable, mirroring the events that had unfolded in my life. Then, it felt like Herman Yau's *The Great Gatsby*, the slow, alluring, and tender scene mirroring my last encounter with her. We knew the moment of farewell had arrived; in this vast world, we might never meet again. I wanted to experience the thrill of passion and tenderness one last time. I turned to her, one hand around her breast, the other stroking the hair behind her head. Like a one-hour Japanese adult film, we left traces of our lovemaking everywhere in the room—the headboard, the foot of the bed, the chair, the windowsill, the floor—inch by inch. Moving, striding about, missionary position, doggy style, old tree root position, Guanyin sitting on a lotus position—I finally understood the wonders of the 48 Edo techniques. Finally, I collapsed heavily onto the bed, my penis immediately enveloped in warmth again. Images from *In the Realm of the Senses* flashed through my mind; I thought that if she were to pull a pair of scissors from her bosom, I would not resist. Love and death, it turns out, sometimes truly have no boundaries. We rested for about half an hour, tidied ourselves up, and as we went outside, we found my friend sitting quietly by the coffee table in the living room. He forced a smile. "You two finished talking?" I just got back. His eyes revealed a hint of cunning when he looked at me. Clearly, he had been outside the whole time. She seemed to sense something too, her face slightly flushed, she waved goodbye, and walked straight out the door. Afterwards, in the quiet of the night, //capsaku.I often think about this strange experience, opening my phone and staring intently at that number, thinking, "If only I could do it again." But I've never dialed that number, and it's never rung again. Over the years, I've gradually come to understand that it's better to cherish the memory than to meet again, and how can indulgence lead to heartbreak? When you particularly like something, if you want to continue liking it, then cherish the memory. Nostalgia is the best preservative; once you encounter reality again, that feeling will instantly decay. That night and the next morning, my friend didn't mention a word about it. I think this was the most embarrassing moment of my life. I didn't know how to bring it up, and I hoped my friend would ask me first so I could tell him everything. But he didn't say a word. All night, I slept with a heavy weight on my chest. The next morning, Liu Yuxi called my friend. I was about to take the phone and ask him to cover for me when he patted me on the shoulder and said, "We all know what's going on." Liu Yuxi asked where we went, how we planned our time, and if I had caused him any trouble. I knew she was calculating the time. Luckily, my friend... He was already fully prepared; he answered fluently without needing to prepare a draft, without the slightest flaw. That day at the Hemudu site, I saw a long trail of footprints left by humankind, and human thought itself left a long trail of footprints, the marks growing deeper and more complex. Humans were originally free of attachments; everyone ate on the ground, content with their lot, without the thought of not staying in hotels under 300 yuan, nor the custom of Hui people not eating pork or Buddhists not eating beef. But as we developed, attachments gradually arose, rules were established, and slowly, we began to feel increasingly superior and civilized. We began treating other animals as playthings and prey. Now, we're gradually breaking some rules and abandoning some principles. The fragile individual soul is swept away by the tide of society, with nowhere to hide. Six years ago, I suffered for over a year with guilt over this; I was tormented by my conscience, and I compensated by showing extra care for Liu Yuxi. That deep sense of guilt made me feel ashamed and left my soul with nowhere to rest. That fear of being discovered haunted me with nightmares. Six years later, I've calmly let go. I don't know whether to thank the times or to praise my own heart for no longer being so stubborn.

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How stubborn our hearts are

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