[The Dusty Tales of Village Chief Saturn] Interlude: Captain Bull Returns to the Village

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Yesterday
, the village of Mingwang in Xiagou was bustling all day. It wasn't about some young man getting married or some
woman giving birth; it was about a guy named Niuwazi who had been out in the mountains for years, now quite successful
, and came back to Mingwang Village to show off to the villagers. Rumors from our village, Tuxing, said he
treated it like his own wedding, throwing a lavish feast and treating everyone in Mingwang Village to a free meal all day.
We villagers rarely see anything new here, and we're not very worldly, plus we're often envious of the wealthy. When we heard
about such a big shot, we had all sorts of opinions—some praising him to the skies, others vilifying him.
While Mingwang Village was feasting, we in Tuxing Village were eating and drinking to our hearts' content. He was drooling, while we were spewing insults
. He was off having his fill, enjoying his meal and drinks with his wife, while we were still gossiping and complaining. It wasn't until I
inexplicably yelled, "Stop talking nonsense! Go home and sleep!" that everyone
dispersed from my uncle's little shop.
Last night, back in my room, I ate a large piece of tofu, two scallions, and drank half a jin of liquor,
falling asleep in a hazy, resentful state. This morning, upon waking, I couldn't help but think about Niuwazi again—he just would
n't leave my mind! I sighed and let my mind wander.
Speaking of Niuwazi, although he's from Mingwang Village, we actually have quite a history. Like me, Niuwazi
was a poor child. I had no parents and a bachelor uncle to support me,
but after Niuwazi's parents passed away, he was a freeloader, eating at one house today and another tomorrow
, driving everyone in Mingwang Village crazy. Then, a brilliant person appeared in Mingwang Village and came up with a brilliant but
wicked plan.
The man said, "Niuwazi isn't a little kid anymore. It's not sustainable for him to just eat the villagers' food every day.
We need to find him some work. Every family has cattle, so let's pool our resources and have Niuwazi herd them for us. We can each
contribute and take turns feeding him." When this man said this, Niuwazi was only seven years old.
The people of Hades Village unanimously approved the idea. So, from the age of seven, Niuwazi was officially
renamed Niuwazi, and no one called him by his original name anymore. Later, even he himself forgot it.
Saturn Village and Hades Village were located in the same long mountain valley, with a river to the east and mountains to the west. Rural people
lack creativity, so the river to the east was called Donghetao (East River Bend), and the mountain to the west was called Xishantou (West Mountain Head). After Niuwazi started herding cattle, Xishantou became his living and working ground. Even decades later, cow dung 　　balls
can still be seen everywhere on the mountainside . 　　We were both poor kids in the world, and we met happily on the top of West Mountain. Niuwazi and I grew up together, 　　naked from the moment we were born, until we had to wear pants. Our friendship is etched into the rings of that crooked tree on West Mountain 　　. Back then, we were the poorest of the poor, and we coveted everything others ate. When an old cow gave birth, he would steal 　　milk for me; when Old Li's plums were half-ripe, I would steal plums for Niuwazi. 　　After we grew up and wore pants, we were no longer satisfied with just picking plums and milking cows. 　　Anything edible that caught our eye, whether alive or dead, we would get our hands on. When I was 17, I 　　went to jail for stealing geese from Mars Village. Everyone thought I did it alone, but actually, Niuwazi and I went together 　　. To this day, I haven't uttered a single word about him. 　　That day, Niuwazi and I divided the work: he was the lookout, and I was responsible for prying open the goose coop. When we were discovered, I looked back 　　, and Niuwazi was nowhere to be seen. When the police interrogated me, although I harbored resentment towards Niuwazi, I didn't confess to anything 　　about him. After I was released from prison, I heard that no one had seen Niuwazi since the night of the incident; he had mysteriously 　　disappeared. 　　More than twenty years later, he suddenly reappeared. At first, I was 　　secretly happy to hear that he was still alive, but then I thought about it and got angry. I wasn't angry that he abandoned me and ran away back then; I 　　was angry that he had forgotten me, his brother-like friend. 　　Memories flooded back like a fountain, crashing against my mind. I felt I had to 　　drink immediately, get drunk, and stop thinking about that bastard Niuwazi. 　　"Village Chief... Village Chief... Village... Chief..." 　　a little brat shouted outside. I recognized him immediately—it was Wu Lao Er's son, Wu Lao Er. This little brat, 　　not even five years old, already possessed Wu Lao Er's crazy, rambling traits. There was no doubt Wu Lao Er was someone else 　　's child. 　　"What the hell are you yelling about? What's wrong?" 　　Old Wu Er always got beaten by his wife when he was drunk, and every time he got beaten, he'd call his son to come and ask me to mediate. So when I heard Little Wu 　　Er yelling, I assumed it was some old family drama again, and I cursed him angrily. 　　"Niu Wa Zi drove his big Jeep to our village, everyone says he's here to visit you, Village Chief." 　　A sudden surge of heat welled up inside me, like a mouthful of fever, and my body involuntarily trembled, like I was 　　ejaculating in Er Ya's mouth. My mind went blank for a few seconds, then I came to my senses, but I still couldn't quite believe my ears. I 　　yelled at Little Wu Er outside, "Go back to your mother's cunt, you're just like your father, always gossiping." 　　"Really, really! I wouldn't dare gossip with the Village Chief like anyone else! Everyone in the village is out on the main road watching the spectacle 　　!" 　　If the little brat said that, it couldn't be false. I jumped to the ground, my clothes disheveled, my hair a mess, but inside, 　　I was incredibly excited. 　　As soon as I stepped out the gate, some nosy villagers approached me, bombarding me with questions. I had no patience for them. I 　　looked back towards the road I'd come from, towards Hades Village. It was indeed a large mountain jeep; I'd seen it on TV before. 　　About twenty meters away, the jeep seemed to recognize me. With a roar, a puff of 　　black smoke billowed from its rear, and it sped towards me. Several onlookers scattered in disarray. The jeep 　　stopped abruptly in front of me with a screeching sound. 　　The door opened from the inside, and a middle-aged man in his forties jumped out, dressed in a suit and tie, his face ruddy. However, 　　his ruddy face was covered in wrinkles, reminding me of furrows. The 　　man stood before me, smiling broadly and opening his arms… 　　Damn, you know we don't do this stuff in the countryside anymore? I cursed inwardly, pushing the man aside.

He grabbed his arm and punched him in the chest.
"You little rascal, I thought ants had eaten your bones away!"
"I'm perfectly fine!"
"Look at you, you've struck it rich, this big jeep, awesome!"
"You're the village chief now, this village has a thousand or eight hundred people, in the army you could be a regimental commander."
"Alright, let's stop flattering each other, the villagers will laugh at us. Let's go inside and chat."
...
Reminiscing. Time: 1 hour 25 minutes.
...
The little rascal started bragging, recounting his twenty years of hardship and glory. Time: 12 hours 01
minutes.
...
I, the village chief, started bragging, recounting my twenty years of neither hardship nor glory. Time: 0
hours 12 minutes.
After finishing my rambling, I suddenly felt my stomach rumbling loudly. Turning around, I saw it was already dark. I quickly asked, "Niuwazi
, are you hungry?"
"Damn, I'm starving! All you do when we get to your house is talk, not even prepare any food or drink."
"Damn, you didn't say anything when you were hungry, acting all formal with me. By the way, what did you mean by 'kao' earlier?"
"Kao means 'cao,' that's what city people say."
"Cao is cao, why 'kao'? City people are so idle, are you idle too? From now on, don't
say 'kao' in front of me, say 'cao'!"
"Kao, okay!"
"Cao, look at you..."
"Cao, okay!"
"By the way, hehe. Sit down for a while, I'll call someone to cook."
I jumped off the ground, slipped on my shoes, and went to the front room. Although I've never married, I
got a wife for my uncle ten years ago. She raised me from a young age, and I can't let him never experience the taste of a woman. I
built a new house for my uncle, a brick and tile structure, right next to the main road. He and his wife lived in one room, and the other two rooms, without partitions, became
the only small shop in our village.
Cooking, of course, was done by my aunt, the only woman in the village. Since she married into the family, I haven't allowed my uncle to cook a single
meal, even if I'm hungry and my aunt isn't home, I don't order him to cook. I called my aunt over, gave her a few instructions,
and she quickly went to work
…
cooking took half an hour.
Once the food and drinks were served, Niuwazi and I started drinking. Unexpectedly, Niuwazi had a very high alcohol tolerance,
comparable to me, the village chief who's practically living in a wine vat every day. But he ate so slowly and deliberately, it made me uncomfortable, so I asked, "What's wrong? Doesn't
it taste good? I've killed almost every living thing in my family, except for people!"
"What are you talking about!" Niuwazi quickly explained, "I'm the captain now, you know
, that ship is at sea for months at a time, life's so boring, I just eat slowly and drink a little wine to pass
the time!"
"Damn, you make it sound so pitiful. Didn't you say your ship is big? You must have a lot of crew members, so
you chat with them when you're bored?"
"They're all men, what's there to chat about!"
"Not a single woman?"
"There are a few, but..."
"Damn, why are you hesitating again! Stop dawdling, speak! You're a big captain, everyone on the ship, men
and women alike, has to listen to you!"
"You can't say that. Sigh, men don't want to be sailors, and women like it even less.
Those few female sailors were all coaxed onto the ship by my silver tongue, my silver tongue, my relentless pleading
, and my constant nagging. It was all to keep the male sailors in line. If I made a move, morale would collapse
! Besides, I have to be constantly vigilant, making sure no male sailor gets away with it."
"Hearing you say that, you're really pathetic. I can't live without women. Looks like I,
the village chief, don't need to envy your captainship."
"Sigh..." Niuwazi sighed again, saying, "Stability, stability is the top priority!"
"Let's have one!"
"Yeah. One." I didn't count how many bowls this was, and I guess Niuwazi didn't either. That's how life should be lived. If you have to 　　calculate
everything , what's the point of life?

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[The Dusty Tales of Village Chief Saturn] Interlude: Captain Bull Returns to the Village

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