【Me, Hee-won... swapping partners】(3-4)

page views:1 Publication date:2023-03-24

(III)

During the formative years of adolescence, when a boy is most curious about the opposite sex and undergoes sexual awakening,

he repeatedly witnessed his mother having sex with different men, intentionally or unintentionally… This deeply shocked the young boy's sexual

senses … leading him to become deeply entrenched in a morbid delusion

as an adult, unable to extricate himself from the desire to see the woman he liked being intimate with other men … 　　Struggling to fulfill this desire for many years, this man's male function remained unexcited… As a result , for more than half a year after marriage, he was unable to satisfy himself and his newlywed wife… 　　Life is full of wonders. I won't say I don't believe such things can happen. However, I never imagined that such a fate would befall me— 　　"Xi Yuan… I want to personally arrange for you to be intimate with other men… and then I'll be there, watching you with my own eyes…" 　　I almost doubted my hearing, yet every word came from my husband's mouth. 　　"Why didn't you tell me about this problem before we got married?" As soon as the words left my mouth, I felt I had asked a stupid question. If he had been honest about his flaws when he first pursued me, I would have been terrified and wouldn't have dared to continue the relationship... 　　But now, it's all too late. I've fallen in love with this man, married him, and become his wife ... Am I really going to ask him for a divorce after only half a year of marriage? 　　No, I can't bear to. When we first met, I felt instantly that he was my soulmate … I longed to walk this path of life with him, to build a family, to have children… 　　I told myself that I shouldn't be afraid of or run away from his heartache… I should be by his side, helping him to work on it. 　　“That therapist…” I recalled my husband's earlier words: “You said he suggested that if you let your fantasies out, things would get better…” 　　Even though we were married, it was still incredibly awkward for me to make such an outrageous suggestion: “So, in the future, when you’re intimate with me… you can fantasize… about… other people touching me… that way you can… get excited?” 　　My husband shook his head: “I always… fantasize… but it quickly… stops working…” 　　I blushed slightly: “But, a few times, you were… more… intense… then, what were you… fantasizing about?” 　　My husband pointed to the television in the bedroom: “Those times, we were watching your old dramas and movies together… those were actually ones I… deliberately chose…” 　　"Spring of Bubbles, Rain of Swords, Little Martial Arts Performer... they all have scenes of you being intimate with men... I get so excited watching them..." 　　I remembered. No wonder those times, during the viewing... he suddenly felt better... and ... made love to me... 　　God... his inner demons... are truly incurable... 　　Thinking about it, I finally couldn't control my emotions: "This is too, too absurd! 　　Do you really want me... to 　　be with other men ?! 　　" "Even if you could do it... I , 　　I absolutely... 　　couldn't do it! " ********** ... 　　Although I had decided to submit, taking off my own outer garment? That was too much… I couldn't bring myself to do it . Asking Xing Jun to do it? That was even more impossible… 　　I could only once again deceive myself, closing the windows of my soul, and slowly guiding Xing Jun's right hand to my black blouse, implying that he should… undress me… 　　Xing Jun understood my meaning, but didn't act immediately. Instead, he gently pressed the back , soothingly saying, “Xi Yuan, Xiao Fei… he really made things difficult for you…” 　　Those few words overwhelmed me with mixed emotions, and my nose suddenly stung with tears. Why was it that it wasn't my husband comforting me, but Xing Jun, who had been “violating” me all along? 　　"I was partly...an accomplice in bullying you..." Xing Jun apologized in my ear, his tone very sincere: "I'm sorry..." 　　To be honest, before we met, I was secretly angry that such a lecherous and perverted person would agree help my husband by defiling me... 　　But since we met, my impression of Xing Jun has become more and more positive... Actually, what right do I have to blame him? 　　It was my own husband who dragged Xing Jun into this mess... and also, it was myself who agreed to let him touch me... I gently shook my head, silently indicating... I do 　　n't blame you too much... 　　"Thank you, Xi Yuan..." Xing Jun's tone was as if he had been relieved. Compared to my husband, he seemed ... 　　Soon, I felt Xing Jun's hands lifting up the bottom edge of my outer garment. He slowly opened the black blouse, and I... obediently cooperated, raising my hands so he could help me pull the clothes off from the sleeves and collar. 　　I couldn't help but open my eyes a crack, stealing a glance at my reflection in the mirror. After removing my outer garment, I was left wearing only a thin white dress, the hem of which barely reached my knees; grey stockings and light brown ankle boots. 　　Before leaving the house, I never imagined my husband would ask me to take off my cover-up. I truly regretted choosing this casual dress made of such thin fabric. Before my eyes, the front of the dress partially revealed a white sports bra underneath. Its color and shape were faintly visible in the mirror… 　　Was it because I had suddenly lost an extra layer of clothing? Or because of my unease and fear? My frail body suddenly shivered . 　　"Are you cold?" Xing Jun noticed, and wrapped his arms around my drooping arms from behind. "This will warm you up …" 　　This time, he didn't touch me. He simply embraced me, using his warm body to comfort me … It was strange… I felt a strange, warm feeling…

Once I felt much warmer, Xing Jun released his hands and moved them to the top of my skirt. Brushing aside the ends of my

hair , he touched the zipper at the back of the neckline: "...Is it alright?"

I blushed deeply...and only managed a soft "Mmm" like a mosquito's buzz.

The zipper at the neckline slowly slid down until the very end of the skirt—

and just like that, my delicate neck, back, and waist

were exposed .

Xing Jun repeatedly stroked my back and waist, seemingly praising me sincerely: "No wonder you're the Beauty King...this neck, back,

waist...are like white jade..."

He started again with the six-pointed star tattoo on my neck, launching a new round of light kisses: "Smack, smack..."

"Smack...smack..." His passionate lips kissed all the way down my neck, all the way to my shoulders

, just above the clasp of my bra, before gently stopping.

Warm lips moved away, and I felt four fingers fiddling with the buttons: "It's about to come undone..."

Suddenly, the force binding my chest loosened...

My white sports bra was deftly unbuttoned on Xue's back by Xing Jun—

(IV)

"This is too, too absurd! Do you really want me... to be with other men?! Even if you

could do it... I, I absolutely... could not!"

I couldn't control my emotions and yelled these words at my husband, pushing him out of the master bedroom and slamming the door shut.

From that day on, I slept in a separate room from him. Even living under the same roof, I intentionally avoided him,

ignoring his words and not answering his calls... because I really didn't know how to face him.

His morbid confessions kept echoing in my mind—

'Xi Yuan…from the first moment I saw you, I fantasized…until you accepted my pursuit, until I married

you, every single day, I fantasized…'

'Fantasies, no, I want to see other men…touching you in reality…' '

I want to personally arrange for you to be intimate with other men…' '

Then, I'll be there, watching you with my own eyes…'

Ninety-nine percent of husbands who marry a celebrity like me would cherish me dearly. But my situation

is that my husband wants to…give me to other men…to have their way with me…

what should I do? Go back to my parents' home in Taiwan? Then separate from him, get a divorce?

How will I explain when relatives and the media ask about the situation? Has things really come to this? Is the problem absolutely unsolvable?

Whether I confine myself indoors or go out for some fresh air, my mind is still filled with these thoughts, and my head is

throbbing with worry. For days, I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, and was in a terrible mood...

And... I missed my husband so much.

From the time we first met until half a year into our marriage, we had always been incredibly loving... But now, for the first time ever, we'd been in a cold war for

three days. Was it because I loved him too much? Even after just a few dozen hours without speaking, I felt incredibly lonely... even

desolate... Honestly

, I knew I couldn't bear to divorce him. So, it seemed my only option was...

After

sleepless nights and endless contemplation, on the morning of the fourth day, there was a knock at the door. I

opened it and saw my husband looking haggard. My anger vanished instantly, replaced by

heartache for him... Sigh, women are such useless creatures...

My husband was extremely ashamed and sincere, apologizing repeatedly, saying he would never mention that matter again,

practically kneeling down to swear an oath that very day... I believed he wasn't just lying, but genuinely intended to do so.

"Then what about your... problem?" Having made up my mind, I was able to calmly

talk to him.

My husband was almost speechless: "...We'll see later..."

He gripped my hands tightly, "I don't want you to leave me..."

"Silly boy..." Although I look much younger than my actual age, I'm actually four

years older than my husband. It's probably maternal instinct; I can't abandon him. "I won't leave you. I'm your wife."

"Really? That's wonderful..." My husband hugged me tightly, and I hugged him back. I knew he loved me deeply

after all . It was just that his illness, his shadow, made him unable to extricate himself from wanting to see me with other men

...only then could he get excited...

"I didn't ask you last time..." I knew the chances were slim, but I still hoped for

a stroke of luck before making that decision: "Would taking...Viagra...help with your condition?"

My husband shook his head self-consciously: "No...the doctor said it's my psychology affecting my physiology...I need to

have the desire for excitement first before taking the medication to help my body...get an erection..."

As I expected, a mental illness requires a mental cure. I only had one path left to take—

I mustered my courage, looked my husband in the eye, steadied my breathing, clenched my fists, and with great difficulty, said, word by word:

"I've made up my mind. I promise you, I will fulfill your fantasies."

"Xi Yuan..." My husband's reaction was a mixture of surprise and delight: "You...you...are willing?"

"If...the other person is just...hugging, kissing me...I can reluctantly...endure..."

After considering it for several nights, I finally decided, forcing myself to say: "I can treat it as...acting..."

In the past, didn't I also act out intimate scenes with my co-stars on TV and in movies? This was all I could do...

deceive myself ...

My husband was filled with emotion, even excitement: "Wife, thank you!"

Thank me for promising to arrange for other men to touch me...it felt so jarring and absurd...

But now, this wasn't the time for rational calculation.

From childhood to adulthood, I've always been a woman who dares to love and hate, so let's go all out...

let's be frank and discuss the details: "How... will you... arrange it?

Time... place..."

"Since you're mentally prepared, how about tomorrow evening?" Having suppressed his fantasies for too long,

my husband clearly wanted to make it happen as soon as possible: "Place... we have our own place."

"You... you guys?" This was a crucial matter; I needed to clarify every step.

"My previous girlfriends weren't willing to cooperate... to fulfill my wish, so, three years ago..."

I joined a... circle... I would occasionally visit other members and exchange their... lovers, wives...

We called it—'swapping club'...

I knew such groups existed in the world. My husband is a fan of this kind of thing, and he's one of them,

so it's not surprising to me at this moment...

But then I thought about it again, and I was immediately filled with jealousy: "You...you've been with other women?"

"No, no!" my husband protested. "It's true that many men like to play around with...other people's women

...but I only want to see other people...play with mine...My ex-girlfriends didn't cooperate with me, so I watched

others ...to satisfy myself..."

Only wanting to see other people play with his woman...My husband's explicit statement, even though I had already made up my

mind, still made me feel uneasy...

"We have our own places, several of them. They're all set up in what outsiders see as completely respectable multi-functional clubs and

hotels. Security is tight, they're private, and the media is unaware; there's also high-tech equipment to counter any secret recording or

filming . I've been to different parties over the past three years, and I've never had a problem. You can...rest assured."

My husband continued to persuade me, and it seemed he was opening up, even starting to talk a bit...speaking freely.

My husband and I are both well-known figures, and if this scandal were to leak out, I, as a woman, would be utterly

disgraced… I could only trust that my husband would carefully protect and safeguard my privacy…

Even though I had been able to discuss this openly with him before, when it came to the final and most crucial question, I couldn't help but lower my head in

embarrassment , rubbing my hands together, and whispering, “Where…where is the candidate?”

Using my phone, my husband showed me a photo on Weibo: “This is Xing Jun. Three years ago, he

introduced me…to the group. He was the first member I met…highly educated, cultured, and very refined…”

Rather than a spur-of-the-moment choice, it seemed my husband had already set his sights on this person…When did he begin

fantasizing sending me into the hands of this Xing man? Perhaps he had been planning this for a long time, just unsure how

to bring it up and persuade me to accept? I didn't want to think about it anymore…

Looking at my phone, to be honest, the person in the photo was…far more attractive than I had imagined a perverted partner-swapping individual to be

. He was in his early thirties, tall, thin, and fair-skinned, impeccably dressed in a suit… even more handsome than my husband…

I shook my head… What was I thinking… What does this have to do with being handsome? I only gave in to this guy… for

my husband , for our marriage…

“Look, is it acceptable?” My husband asked tentatively, and I sensed his eager anticipation for my consent.

“What… is it acceptable… you… make the decision…” A little annoyed, but mostly shy and

aggrieved, I finally reluctantly agreed, the last step in the whole affair.

In the end, I emphasized my only condition: “No matter what, when I feel uncomfortable… unwilling… and I

say ‘stop,’ you have to stop everything…”

My husband readily agreed, but couldn’t hide his delight as he went to call Xing Jun…

So, the following evening, at a high-end Western restaurant at one of the venues of the “Swapping Party,” I had

my first meal with Xing Jun, accompanied by my husband.

He's even more handsome in person than in photos… That was actually the first thought that crossed my mind when I saw him…

Xing Jun only greeted me politely, without saying much to me, mainly chatting with my husband while eating. I

knew perfectly well the meal was just a pretext, mainly to give me a chance to observe him from the sidelines…

Halfway through the meal, Xing Jun left the table first, leaving my husband and me alone. What was bound to happen was finally happening—

"Do you think… he… is okay?" My husband's eyes were full of expectation: "If he is, let's

go to the room now…"

My cheeks flushed, and I nodded… agreeing to take the first step in 'partner swapping'…

So, my husband led me into the elevator to a specially designed room on a high floor of the hotel.

Inside the room, there was a large transparent glass wall, through which I could see Xing Jun patiently waiting on the other side. A table and chairs were placed in front of the glass wall

, along with an intercom and speakers…

My husband explained that the mirrored wall was one-way transparent glass, so when Xing Jun and I were on the other side, we could

n't see him, thus avoiding embarrassment… And even though we were in different rooms, we could still talk to each other

…

How could I not feel embarrassed! Before anything even started, I already felt incredibly ashamed… But, with the situation so urgent,

I couldn't hesitate or back out any longer…

My husband opened the door to Xing Jun's room, and personally led me, extremely shy,

to Xing Jun, handing me over to him.

Neither of them spoke, and my husband retreated to the other room, closing the door tightly.

Now, only Xing Jun and I were left. I stood there helplessly, my back to him, afraid to look back.

I felt Xing Jun approach from behind: "Aren't you going to sit on the sofa?"

"No…" It seemed that only standing, with the possibility of escaping at any moment, gave me a sliver of security.

"Alright, you and I can stand in front of the mirror, so Xiaofei... can see more clearly."

Yes, it's all for my husband... no more dragging it out, this shameful affair... should start sooner,

end —

I closed my eyes in surrender, and boldly leaned against Xing Jun's suit-clad body.

My waist was immediately encircled from behind by a pair of long arms, and I heard Xing Jun's soft voice ask in my ear, "

What should I call you?"

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【Me, Hee-won... swapping partners】(3-4)

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