The secluded life of a married woman after going abroad

page views:1 Publication date:2022-09-28

Seeing so many people write about their sexual experiences, I've also decided to write about the distress and repression that has been plaguing me for the past few months. First, let me introduce myself. I'm 29 years old and have been married to my husband for three years. A year after our marriage, I went abroad to study and have been there for two years now. My husband is still working in China. While I've experienced the pain of separation, things have been relatively peaceful. However, in recent months, due to my lust, I've done many things that have wronged my husband, and I'm still struggling with this distress…
From childhood, I've always been seen as a good girl. Because my parents were very strict, my thinking is very traditional. When classmates started dating in junior and senior high school, I felt it was shameful and didn't care much. I focused on my studies and eventually got into Shanghai Jiao Tong University with excellent grades, which made my parents very happy, and I felt very proud. So I came to Shanghai for university. Many classmates started dating, and although I was more accepting of that, I never had a boyfriend. It wasn't that no one pursued me; quite a few people did, but I always felt that my first love had to be someone I truly liked. I didn't get my first boyfriend until my junior year of college. We fell in love at first sight, and the two years we spent together were truly wonderful. Even so, I always held firm to my boundaries, only giving him my first kiss, because I always believed that my most precious first time should be saved for my future husband. We were still in college, and the future was uncertain, even though we loved each other very much. Sure enough, after graduation, we went our separate ways. He went back to his hometown of Qingdao, while my parents insisted that I stay in Shanghai, so we were forced to break up.
I was lucky enough to find a white-collar job in a foreign company thanks to my excellent grades and strong foreign language skills, fulfilling my parents' wishes and staying in Shanghai. After starting work, some men pursued me, and colleagues and friends introduced me to potential partners, but I didn't feel the same romantic connection with any of them as I did in college. I've always had high standards for relationships; I'd rather be a complete jerk than a complete jerk. I'm also quite passive in relationships; even if I like someone, I won't pursue them if they don't make the first move. Therefore, I remained single for two years while working in Shanghai. As I got older, my family started to get anxious, especially my mother, who hoped I would find a local Shanghainese to settle down with.
When I was 26, a friend introduced me to another man. This time, there wasn't a formal introduction; we just went out together. He was her boyfriend's friend, but everyone knew it was a meeting of potential partners, though no one said it outright. This man was a year older than me, a local from Shanghai, with a good job in the IT industry. While not exactly handsome, he was of average height, polite, wore glasses, and spoke well, so my first impression of him was quite good. After meeting him, unlike other men who rushed to ask me out, constantly texting and calling—that kind of behavior made me feel desperate, like I was going to take any woman. I didn't like that kind of man. He always timed things perfectly, occasionally inviting me out for dinner or a concert, and I always enjoyed our time together, so I readily accepted his invitations.
Over time, things naturally progressed, and we officially started dating.
My parents were very satisfied with him; he was honest and reliable, had a good job, owned a house in Shanghai, and was decent-looking—he met all my parents' requirements. What's even more remarkable is that his parents also liked me. It's not common for Shanghainese to marry someone from out of town, and fortunately, his parents are intellectuals. Perhaps they saw my gentle and virtuous appearance, and my good education and job, so they were very supportive of our marriage. Come to think of it, someone with his conditions is quite good; what could I possibly be picky about? I'm not young anymore; am I still expecting a life of romance? Besides, after a year of dating, he's a good person and treats me well. Although our love isn't the kind that's passionate and dramatic, it's been warm and happy. Shouldn't I be content? So, under pressure from both sets of parents, we got married after a year of dating. I finally upheld my principles and gave myself completely to my husband. When he discovered I was still a virgin, he was deeply moved. Honestly, he never expected that a girl like me, with a good appearance and figure, could still be a virgin at 26. He felt very lucky and said he would treat me well for the rest of his
life. Our first year of marriage was generally very loving. He truly cared for me meticulously, and I loved him wholeheartedly. But I still yearned for my long-held dream: to study abroad. I had this wish since university. Back then, seeing my classmates go abroad to study filled me with envy. I desperately wanted to see the world while I was young, but the cost of self-funded study abroad was simply too high. Although my family was relatively well-off, the annual expense of over 100,000 yuan was still a lot. Besides, my parents felt that it was already quite good for me to graduate from Shanghai Jiao Tong University and stay in Shanghai to work; there was no need for a girl like me to necessarily go abroad.
However, after graduating from university, I worked while still attending New Oriental classes on weekends. New Oriental was full of people who wanted to study abroad, and in that atmosphere, my desire to study abroad grew stronger and stronger. In the end, I scored 630 on the TOEFL and secretly applied to many graduate programs at foreign universities without telling my husband. Unexpectedly, the offers came in, and one university even gave me a full scholarship. I was so excited and told my husband the news. Although I knew my husband wasn't keen on going abroad and didn't want me to go, I still didn't want to give up the opportunity. I hoped he could study abroad with me and even planned to help him apply to schools. However, he said his career in Shanghai was going well and he didn't want to go abroad. My in-laws weren't happy either, and I was very disappointed.
A few days later, my husband told me that he had thought it over. Studying abroad had always been my wish, and he should support me, but for our future, he would stay in China to develop his career. He would earn money to support my studies. He even tried his best to persuade his parents. To be honest, I was really grateful to my husband, but I didn't take a single penny from him. I felt that his tolerance and consideration for me was already very precious, and I couldn't take his money for my studies. So, I took my savings from two years of work and went abroad alone.
Once abroad, I had a scholarship for tuition, and I covered my living expenses by working part-time at a Chinese restaurant. I was also quite frugal, so I was financially independent and didn't need my husband's help. After classes started, I met a girl named Fang. She was about my age and had just come from China to study. The difference was that she and her husband had immigrated through skilled worker programs, but her husband was still working in China and wouldn't be able to join us for a while, so she came to study on her own. Our situations were similar, so we got along well and started sharing a two-bedroom apartment. We cooked, ate, went shopping, and chatted together, so life wasn't boring. We lived together like this for a year.
My life was simple during that year: attending classes, working, and chatting online and on the phone with my husband. Occasionally, Fang and I would go shopping or see a movie, but we never went to bars. But sometimes, especially late at night, I felt lonely and missed my husband. Although he often called and video-chatted with me, it didn't ease the pain of separation. During that year abroad, I went back to China twice: once for two months during the summer vacation and again for 20 days during Christmas. Whenever I had a holiday, I went back to see my husband. He also said he missed me a lot. We've been married for a year, and I didn't feel particularly needy for sex. It was always my husband who initiated it, and as his wife, I felt I should comply. Although he often brought me to orgasm, I didn't particularly crave it myself. However, after going abroad, perhaps due to age or the long separation from my husband, I felt my sexual desire increased significantly. Sometimes, in the quiet of the night, I would even think about how my husband felt the same way.
Once, during a video call, my husband said he really wanted to, and asked me to take off my clothes so we could have sex on video. I understood him and felt sorry for him, so I did. He said he was masturbating while watching my body and wanted me to masturbate with him. Before this, I had never masturbated, nor did I believe that masturbation could bring pleasure to a woman. I said no, just make him feel good. But my husband insisted, demanding that I start rubbing my genitals in front of the camera. For my husband's sake, I started too. My husband was masturbating while teaching me how to do it, whispering sweet nothings to me. He told me to close my eyes and imagine we were making love. I followed his instructions, slowly rubbing my genitals and imagining making love with him. Hearing his increasingly rapid breathing, I unconsciously rubbed my clitoris harder, and I actually had an orgasm! It was the first time I'd ever known that masturbation could bring a woman to orgasm. My husband said he'd ejaculated too.
From then on, we often relied on video sex to satisfy each other's needs, and I felt so pathetic. But since I started masturbating, I often had the urge, but sometimes my husband was busy at work, and I couldn't reach him online. When I wanted it, I would masturbate, lying in bed imagining what it would feel like to have sex with my husband, masturbating until I reached orgasm. Even so, I never thought about having a one-night stand. I never thought about having sex with other men casually. It's not that no one pursued me; because I don't dress very maturely, many people couldn't tell that I was already 29 years old, and they didn't know I was married. A man I worked with at a Chinese restaurant pursued me relentlessly. Men I attended school also showed interest in me, but I rejected them all and told them that I already had a husband. I've been abroad for over a year, and my relationship with my husband has been good. I never thought that I would betray my husband one day.
In January of this year, Fang said that one of her college classmates was changing jobs and would be coming to work in our city from another city. She asked Fang to find him an apartment. Fang said he was a nice person, so why don't we rent the living room to him so we can save on rent? I didn't have any objections. I'm usually away from home during the day with classes and part-time jobs, and when I do come home at night, I mostly stay in my room, so the living room is just sitting empty. So he moved in. His name is Feng, he's a year younger than me, has big eyes, is tall, and I know him a bit better than my husband. He's already an immigrant and works at an accounting firm. Fang said he's a nice guy; he was on the basketball team in college, and many girls were infatuated with him. However, I think he's not very talkative, seems very busy with work, and always leaves early and comes home late. Sometimes Fang and I cook and invite him to eat with us, but he rarely comes out, often saying he's already eaten out. We don't see each other that often; when we do, we just greet each other and exchange a few pleasantries. But overall, my impression of him is okay. He's quiet, never brings friends home unnecessarily, and is quite clean. He helps with cleaning when he has time, and he doesn't smoke, which is a really good quality roommate. So, the three of us lived together for three months. Having another man in the house was indeed quite nice; if a light bulb broke or a screw came loose, the two of us women didn't have to climb up and down to fix it.
In April, Fang's husband finally came, so Fang found another place to live with him. We didn't want to just rent to strangers, so he moved from the living room to Fang's original room. A friend of his was going back to China, so we left him a sofa, a coffee table, a TV stand, a TV, a DVD player, and some other things. He said we could put those in the living room so his friend would have somewhere to sit when he came over, and we wouldn't rent out the living room. After Fang moved out, we started living together. At first, it was a little awkward, since it was just the two of us. When friends came over, they would sometimes jokingly ask me, "Aren't you afraid of living alone with a man?" I said, "No, I don't think so. I've lived with him for a while now, so I know him fairly well. He's not the kind of man with bad character who would do anything reckless."
Indeed, after we started living together, things weren't much different from before. He still left early and came home late, and I rarely saw him when I was in class. When we did meet, we'd just chat briefly, mostly about his work and my studies. I never saw him try to get close to me; he probably knew I was a married woman and wouldn't be interested in me anymore. Most of the time, he stayed in his room when he came home, and I stayed in mine; we rarely went out together. Occasionally, we'd cook and eat together on weekends, chatting casually for a bit, and after he washed the dishes, he'd go to his room. He rarely even joked with me; maybe we weren't that close yet. We lived together like this for two months without any problems. I still video-chatted with my husband and had sex in my room at night, and sometimes I masturbated alone.
But one day, two months later, something unexpected happened, and from then on, I fell into an incurable abyss…
In May, he said he was going on a business trip out of town for a week. For the first two days, I was a little scared, after all, I had never lived alone before. Although we usually went our separate ways at night, there was always someone else at home, and now it was suddenly quiet. But after two days, I got used to it and thought living alone wasn't bad, quite free, I could do whatever I wanted. That week, I had just finished my midterms and was relatively free, so I rented some DVDs to watch at home. Since he wasn't home, I simply took them to the living room and played them on the DVD player. Watching on the big TV was much more enjoyable than on the computer. After watching those TVB dramas for two days, I got a little bored.
That night, I had arranged to video chat with my husband. When I was ready to go online and be affectionate with him, I saw his message saying that he had to work overtime that day and couldn't be online with me, and he was very sorry. I was incredibly disappointed, so I picked up an adult film and went to the living room to watch it. The more I watched, the more I wanted it. I was really into it, and I didn't want to go back to my room. I figured he wouldn't be back until the day after tomorrow, and I'd be home alone. So I lay on the sofa, watching the film while taking off all my clothes and starting to masturbate.
I lay naked on the sofa, eyes closed, imagining what it would feel like to have sex with my husband. I rubbed my labia, clitoris, and clitoral hood slowly, for 20 minutes, but I still hadn't reached orgasm. When I first started masturbating, I could feel it in a few minutes, but as I did it more often, it became less effective. Several times before, I'd faked orgasms during video calls with my husband to make him feel better, but I hadn't actually experienced one. But today, I really wanted it, so I kept rubbing. Suddenly, the door opened, and Feng came home. As soon as he entered, he saw the adult film playing on TV, and me lying naked on the sofa, eyes closed, masturbating with ecstasy. He froze, standing there staring at me. I was suddenly startled and cried out, immediately covering my chest, utterly ashamed. He suddenly approached me and said, "Do you want it? Let me help you."
I called him shameless and told him to leave, but he didn't say anything and went back to his room. I sat alone on the sofa for two minutes, stunned. Just as I was about to go back to my room, I didn't expect that when I got to my door, Feng was standing there naked, blocking my way. He begged me to help him; he was so hard, it hurt so much. I looked down at his body; his penis was so big and erect, bigger and thicker than my husband's. The red glans made my heart itch; this was the big cock I had longed for. I wanted it so badly, but reason told me I couldn't. I still insisted on telling him no, that I couldn't betray my husband.
So, on my bed, we began to make love, two hot, naked bodies embracing each other. I masturbated him, and he rubbed my labia. But we both felt it wasn't enough. He suggested we give each other oral sex, saying it would be more intense. I refused. I've never given oral sex before, not even to my husband. How could I let another man do that? My husband has never licked my own penis either. Besides, I've always thought oral sex was dirty. I didn't agree. He didn't force me, and we did that to each other for a while. He said he still couldn't ejaculate and felt uncomfortable. He asked if he could just poke at the entrance of my vagina, promising he wouldn't go in. I agreed. He put his big penis at the entrance of my vagina. It felt so hard and hot, wet and slippery. He rubbed my labia with his penis, sometimes poking my vagina with the head of his penis, and occasionally tapping my vulva with his penis. He kept rubbing around my vulva while sucking on my nipples. I couldn't take it anymore. My vagina was so itchy, but he still wouldn't ejaculate and was still so hard. He was really strong. His big penis was still clenching at the entrance of my vagina. I finally couldn't control myself anymore and yelled at him, "Put it in! I'm so itchy, please put it in!"
He thrust into me forcefully. My heart skipped a beat; I knew it was over. "Honey, I'm so sorry, I've betrayed you again." He pumped in and out, and I couldn't care less anymore. I was completely absorbed in the pleasure. It felt like I was in heaven. It was the first time I'd ever felt sex so good, so incredibly pleasurable. I had an orgasm, a really intense one. He said he was going to ejaculate, and I quickly made him pull out. We'd agreed beforehand not to go inside, and we weren't using a condom. Luckily, he controlled himself well and pulled out, pouring his fluids onto my breasts—hot and so comfortable… After the passion subsided, I cried. I told him I'd betrayed my husband, and I accused him of lying, saying he wouldn't go inside.
He said he hadn't meant to, he just couldn't control himself. He really wanted to go inside, and I'd begged him to, saying I'd pleaded with him several times. I was speechless. But he still apologized profusely, saying it would never happen again.
After this incident, I felt incredibly guilty. For several days, I didn't dare contact my husband or answer his calls. I truly regretted letting myself fall into such a state. He also tried to come home very late during those days, and we almost never saw each other, avoiding each other deliberately. I think we were both deliberately avoiding each other. I was tormented for several days, feeling that I couldn't stay there any longer; otherwise, I would never forget this incident and wouldn't be able to face him. So I hurriedly found a place online, and a week later, I moved out. He helped me move without saying a word.
I moved to a foreigner's house; this time it was a hostel. The landlady was an elderly woman, a nice person, and there were a few other tenants. I tried to keep myself busy every day, hoping to forget this incident as soon as possible. At first, it was okay, but not long after, the lust in my heart began to gnaw at me like a poisonous insect. Once this happens once, it will happen again, a third time…
After reading everyone's replies in Chapter Two, I was surprised to find that many people understood me. This made me feel even more ashamed, because I didn't restrain myself despite my distress and self-blame. Indulging in lust, I became increasingly out of control. Continuing my story…
I've been living with the old lady for over a week now. I try my best not to think about these things, but I still can't control myself, especially at night. When I masturbate, I always think about the scene of having sex with Feng that day, and I masturbate while thinking about it. Before, when I masturbated, I fantasized about having sex with my husband. Now, all I can think about is that night with him. Even when I video chat with my husband, I think about having sex with Feng. I know it's wrong, but I don't know why, maybe it's because it's exciting. Only by imagining Feng penetrating me can I reach orgasm through masturbation.
Now, video chatting with my husband doesn't work for me anymore. I can only pretend to satisfy him each time. But who will satisfy me? I'm becoming increasingly horny, but I still resist the urge to go to him. Two weeks after moving, one evening, Feng suddenly called me. I was excited to see his phone and answered. His voice was deep, and he said he missed me. After hesitating for a moment, he asked if I could come see him. I didn't give myself time to think and flatly refused. He hung up. After hanging up, I felt very disappointed and could only fantasize about having sex with him and masturbate, but the pleasure from masturbation was getting less and less. Another month passed like this. He didn't call me again, and we never saw each other again. I thought that was the end of our relationship.
Suddenly one day, Fang called me and said it was her birthday this weekend. She planned to invite a few friends over to her house to have a get-together and also to see their new house. Of course, Feng and I were also invited. I didn't really want to go, but it would be too much of a hassle not to go to Fang's birthday party. I thought that since there were so many people going, it wouldn't be a big deal, so I agreed.
When I arrived at Fang's house that day, I saw Feng as expected. It had been over a month since I'd seen him, and seeing him again was a little awkward. Every time he looked at me, his eyes burned like fire, making me feel like I was standing naked in front of him—very unnatural.
Luckily, there were many people around, so we didn't talk alone. We all ate together, then played cards, and the loser drank. Later, I saw it was getting late and remembered I had plans to go online with my husband over the weekend, so I said I had to leave. Feng said he was leaving too, and since he had a car, he offered to give me a ride home. I said no, I could take the bus. Fang and her husband disagreed, saying it was so late, and I'd had a few drinks—not very drunk, but a little tipsy—and they weren't comfortable letting me take the bus home alone. Besides, it was raining heavily outside, so I couldn't insist any further and agreed to let Feng take me.
The whole way home, neither of us spoke. He drove, and I sat quietly, just hoping to get home quickly. Finally, we arrived at my doorstep. I said thank you and was about to get out of the car when Feng suddenly grabbed me, kissing me passionately and grabbing my breasts forcefully. He said he'd been going crazy thinking about me for the past month. Ignoring my resistance, he roughly tore open my clothes and sucked on my nipples. I finally couldn't take it anymore; I'd wanted to for so long too. Under the influence of alcohol, I began to respond to his kisses, my hand involuntarily reaching for his penis, which was already bulging like a tent. I finally pulled it out—the penis I'd longed for countless nights, hot and sticky. I gripped his penis. He suddenly stopped, leaned close to my ear, and asked, "Do you want it?" I was already very wet, so I could only nod. He said, "I'll satisfy you."
Then he drove to an empty parking lot behind my house and stopped. In my heart, I said to my husband, "I'm sorry, honey, please let me relax just one more time, the last time." At midnight, we were making love passionately in the car. Outside, it was pouring rain, but inside we were drenched in sweat, our juices flowing freely. Perhaps it was because it was my first time making love with a man in a car, but it felt incredibly exciting and pleasurable. I discovered that I actually enjoyed stimulating sex.
That night, we made love in the car for over two hours, and he brought me to orgasm three times in a row. Just after the second orgasm, my husband's phone rang. I knew he was worried because I wasn't online yet, so I answered weakly. At that moment, Feng's penis was still inside me. My husband asked what was wrong, saying he'd been waiting for me for a long time and hadn't gone online. I made an excuse, saying I had a bit of a cold and needed to rest. My husband told me to rest well and take care of myself. While I was talking to my husband, I felt Feng slowly starting to thrust again. I couldn't take it anymore; my breathing became rapid, so I hung up immediately. My husband's call didn't remind me to stop; instead, it amplified my pleasure.
After hanging up, Feng asked if it was my husband on the phone. I said yes. He said, "While you were talking to your husband, another man's penis was inside your vagina. Wasn't that great?" Hearing this, I suddenly felt a surge of pleasure and realized how lewd I was. I started moaning. He noticed my reaction and continued, "Your husband is watching you having sex with another man in the car. I'm going to fuck you right in front of your husband, fuck you to death!" As he spoke, he thrust his penis forcefully, making me wet. In the
quiet night, the only sound was the friction of our flesh. I lay on the car seat, writhing. He continued, "You seem gentle and virtuous on the outside, but I never expected you to be so lewd inside. You're so slutty, letting another man fuck you in the car behind your husband's back. Do you want me to fuck you?" For some reason, hearing these words aroused me. My husband never said these things when we had sex before. At most, I would just moan and groan softly. Today in the car, I actually liked it when Feng called me slutty, called me a whore, and even begged him to fuck me hard, to fuck me to death. I never thought I would say those things. But it was really exciting, I felt so good, I had another orgasm, and Feng also ejaculated, this time inside me. He made me orgasm three times in two hours, and I almost collapsed.
We lay down to rest for a while, the back seat of the car was covered in semen. We finally sat up and straightened our clothes, both of us drenched in sweat. I was embarrassed and eager to get out of the car, but Feng said he wanted to sit with him for a while. He said he knew I wouldn't be able to sleep tonight and would feel distressed and guilty, and he didn't want me to go home alone and overthink things, so he said he wanted to talk to him. So we sat in his car and talked. This was our first real conversation. Before, our conversations were always sporadic. After our last time we had sex, he just apologized to me many times and then went back to his room. After that, we avoided each other and didn't even speak.
Today, after we had sex for the second time, we actually started chatting in the car. I asked him what his impression of me was before, and he said he thought I was a gentle and virtuous woman, probably quite intelligent, and likely had good grades. He often saw me explaining problems to Fang, but he absolutely had no ulterior motives towards me; he never had any thoughts about married women. Besides, I was too bookish and not particularly attractive to him; he preferred more lively girls. Before he saw me masturbating, he hadn't paid much attention to me. But when he saw that scene, he was surprisingly aroused and actually had sex with me, something he hadn't expected.
He regretted it afterwards, so he didn't stop me from moving. But after I moved out, he said that every time he closed his eyes, he would think of me naked, lying on the sofa, masturbating with my eyes closed—it was so alluring. I said, "You're not bad looking, why don't you find a girlfriend?" He said he'd had a few before, but they broke up. He'd only been in our city for a few months, and he was busy with work, so he hadn't looked for anyone. Besides, he was in the startup phase and wasn't thinking about finding someone for the time being. He'd always thought he could live without a woman. Although he knew he was very strong, he hadn't thought he had a high sex drive before, but after that time with me, he experienced a pleasure he'd never felt before. He said he'd never felt that way with any of his previous girlfriends, and he wondered if it was because I was someone else's wife that he found it so exciting.
He said that in the days after I moved out, he masturbated much more often, always imagining me naked, lying on the sofa, masturbating. A few times he even lay down on the sofa in the living room where I used to lie to smell my scent. One night, he couldn't resist any longer—the night he called me. He really wanted to come see me, but I firmly refused. He also felt he shouldn't have those thoughts about me anymore. So, for the first time in his life, he went to a prostitute. But when he actually went, looking at the prostitute, he said he felt nothing. He ultimately didn't do it. He said only seeing me gave him that strong desire, and only having sex with me could give him that kind of pleasure.
He frankly said, "I know you have a husband, and you love your husband very much. What we're doing is wrong. I'm not sure if I really love you. I can only say that I'm hopelessly infatuated with your body." He said, "I can see you feel the same way. Although you're trying to control yourself, we can indeed satisfy each other. It's already lonely in a foreign country; why make yourself suffer? We're already like this, and I don't want to deliberately restrain myself anymore. Let's enjoy each day as it comes, and comfort each other when needed, okay?" I remained silent. What he said resonated with me; I felt the same way. But the pangs of conscience prevented me from readily agreeing. We talked in the car until 3 a.m. I went home to sleep, but I tossed and turned in bed, unable to sleep. Feeling another man's fluids inside me, I even worried I might be pregnant. Thankfully, my period came, which relieved me greatly.
From then on, two sexual encounters, plus that deep conversation that night, made Feng and I much closer. He became more unrestrained, no longer calling to ask if I could come over. Instead, he would just rush to my door every night if he felt like it. And every time he came, we would definitely have sex. I couldn't resist him. In fact, even if he didn't come, sometimes I would still want to, but I never initiated it. In the following week, he came 3 or 4 times a week. He said he wanted to have sex with me whenever he saw me. Every time he came to my house, the first few times he couldn't wait to strip me naked as soon as he entered the room and had sex with me intensely. Every time, we were very enthusiastic and satisfied. Later, he started coming over sometimes after work to have dinner with me.
Ever since that time in the car when he discovered I liked him talking about my husband having sex with me, sometimes when he came over, I would be cooking in the kitchen, and my husband would call me. Whenever my husband called, he would pretend to be nearby and start kissing and touching me, then slowly moving his hand down to my genitals. I would try to appease him while pushing him away, but it was no use. He could always make me wet. I couldn't take it anymore, so I would hang up, and then we would have sex wildly. I especially liked that feeling; the more I felt my inner lust, the more frantic I became. We continued to have sex every few days, usually with him coming over. Sometimes we would do it in the bedroom, and while he was penetrating me, he would say that he probably knew his tenants were coming to have sex with me, that they were all listening outside the door. The more he said that, the more excited I became, and so did he. But afterwards, whenever I ran into the old lady or the tenants, I was afraid they would actually hear, and I felt embarrassed.
Another month passed like this. Although I always refused him when he came over, I always gave in. He suddenly stopped coming. A week passed, and I couldn't take it anymore. Even though I still video chat with my husband sometimes, it's just for show, just to satisfy him. A week without sex with him, and I couldn't stand it anymore, but I still resisted calling him. A few more days passed, and he still didn't come. I figured he was probably tired of me. Good, it can't go on like this forever. I wanted to forget him, but lust kept growing inside me. I really wanted to go to his house, but I held back. But the weather was getting hotter. I was in a rush moving, and I hadn't brought many things with me. The fan was still in the old house. I don't know if I was making excuses or what, but that night was really hot. I decided to go get the fan. I still had the key, so I didn't tell him and just went to get it myself. I figured if he really had lost interest in me, I'd just take the fan and leave. Besides,
he might not even be home; maybe he'd found a suitable girl and gone on a date. So I went over by myself. When I opened the door, the living room light was off. I thought he really wasn't home, and felt a pang of disappointment. I went into the storage cabinet to find a fan. After a while, I was suddenly hugged from behind. I turned around and saw Feng. He said, "You're finally here! I missed you so much!" and started kissing me. I pushed him away and said, "You're home? What have you been doing these past few days?" He smiled slyly and said, "Did you miss me? Did you want me?" I ignored him. He said, "I deliberately didn't contact you these past few days. I wanted to see how long you could hold back. It's always me who initiates contact. It's like every time I go to your house, it's just to vent my frustrations on you, and you always resist a little. It makes me feel like a beast, like I'm forcing someone into prostitution. We're together because we need each other, it's mutual, isn't it?" I said, "I thought you had a girl you liked, that you had a girlfriend."
He smiled and said, "After being with you, you're all I can think about. How could I possibly be interested in other women?" He hugged me, started kissing me, unbuttoning my clothes, and taking them off. This time, I was very docile and cooperative. He led me into the bathroom, and we showered together. Then, for the first time, we did it again at his house, our old house. This time, we performed oral sex on each other for the first time. It was my first time giving oral sex to a man, and it wasn't even my husband! The feeling of oral sex was amazing; I actually really enjoyed it. I greedily sucked on his large glans, and he licked my vulva, sometimes slowly, sometimes quickly. We played 69. After our orgasms, we were both hungry, so we went to the kitchen to get something to eat. After eating, I was planning to have him take me home, but he said we should be romantic and go to the balcony to look at the stars. So we got two deck chairs and sat on the balcony looking at the stars.
The moonlight was beautiful tonight. He looked at me and started kissing and hugging me again. Gradually, our breathing became rapid again. I wanted to go back to my room, but Feng grabbed me. We made love on the balcony under the open sky, which brought me to another peak of excitement. With Feng, he always manages to give me different kinds of stimulation. I didn't go home that night. We spent the night together for the first time. When I woke up the next morning, I inevitably had another round of lovemaking. We did it three times that night. I felt weak and listless when I went to class the next day. Feng said he loved seeing me exhausted and rolling my eyes after he made love to me; it gave him a special kind of pleasure. I told Feng that we should be more moderate in the future, as it's not good for our health if we do it too often.
He said he couldn't help it; whenever he was with me, he had sexual desire and couldn't control it. He even blamed me for making him sexually frustrated. Actually, I felt the same way. He said that we might be destined to be together from a past life, like dry tinder meeting a raging fire.
To this day, we've maintained this relationship for over three months. We would have sex whenever we met, and we started trying different positions: front, back, standing, sitting, him holding me while I leaned against the bathroom wall while he fucked me—we tried them all. I felt myself becoming more and more lewd, even imitating the actresses in porn movies, sitting on Feng's glans, twisting my body and screaming wildly, thrusting back and forth. Whenever this happened, Feng would make me imagine what my husband would think if he saw this scene. He kept calling me a slut, a whore, which made me even more frantic.
We've also had sex in many other places: my kitchen, the bathroom, and once in a movie theater. There were very few people in the theater at night, and we sat in the last row. The movie was a bit R-rated. While watching, Feng touched me, and I got aroused. Feng made me sit on him; I was wearing a skirt, and he unbuttoned it, exposing his penis, and started penetrating me. That time was incredibly exciting. Although I now enjoy the pleasure that sex brings me, I'm still tormented by my conscience. I started making excuses about being busy with my studies and contacting my husband less.
I originally planned to go back home for a month in August during the summer vacation, but I said I had to stay here to study for the CA exam and couldn't go back. When I told my husband I couldn't go back for the summer, I could tell he was very disappointed. But I really didn't dare to go back and face him. I felt like I had given up entirely. My husband knew all this and definitely wouldn't forgive me. I thought about being honest with him, about divorce, not because of Feng. I know there's no future with Feng. He never said he wanted to marry me, and I never asked. Maybe we're both still unsure whether we love each other as people or just our bodies.
But I really feel like I'm no longer worthy of being my husband's wife. Thinking back to when I married him, I was a pure virgin, and after two years abroad, I've become a slut. I can't turn back. I don't have the courage to tell my husband because I'm too ashamed, and I know he'll be devastated if he hears all this. I don't want him to suffer such a huge hurt and blow. I don't know what to do. I can only live one day at a time. Therefore, I absolutely cannot take the first wrong step. Once my defenses are broken, I'll only get more and more depraved…

URL 1:https://www.sexlove5.com/htmlBlog/196236.html

URL 2:/Blog.aspx?id=196236&aspx=1

Last access time:

Previous Page : The author of Nights One, Two, and Three is unknown.

Next Page : Days of Romantic Encounters with a Beautiful Young Woman (Author: poozer)

增加

comment Open a new window to view comments

Contact Information

The secluded life of a married woman after going abroad

comment Open a new window to view comments