The Great Song Dynasty's Lewd Scholar

page views:1 Publication date:2023-03-24

After the founding of the Song Dynasty, the policy of "releasing military power over a cup of wine" swept through the court and the country, emphasizing civil affairs over military matters. The court issued decrees, widely establishing academic disciplines and holding imperial examinations in spring and autumn for both civil and military subjects. The emperor personally appointed the top three scholars (Zhuangyuan, Bangyan, and Tanhua) for each subject and bestowed official titles and ranks upon them. Students from all over the country flocked to study and take the exams. Among them, the Minister of Rites, feeling that the quality of courtesans was very high, proficient in literature, singing, poetry, dancing, playing the zither, chess, calligraphy, and painting, and in order to correct the vulgarity of the military men in the court and improve the quality of courtesans in various places, petitioned Emperor Shenzong of Song to appoint a "lewd scholar" as the top scholar...

In the second year of Emperor Shenzong's reign, after going through the provincial examinations, the metropolitan examinations, the military examinations, and the civil service examinations, a total of five people from all over the country passed the examinations and obtained the title of Xiucai (a scholar who passed the lowest level of the imperial examinations). They were Wang Kang from Henan, Sima Xiang from Ningbo, Wang Fu from Hangzhou, Kong Ding from Qufu, and Zhao Ziwen from the capital. All five were outstanding individuals, possessing both academic and artistic talents. On the day of the palace examination, Emperor Shenzong was slightly unwell and unable to appoint officials. He issued an edict appointing Chancellor Wang Anshi as the chief examiner, and Ouyang Xiu, Sima Guang, Fan Zhongyan, and Lü Huiqing as examiners.

(I) The first test of impromptu couplets.

“Dong! The palace examination begins!” Chief examiner Wang Anshi struck the giant drum in the main hall to announce the start of the examination. Examiner Sima Guang, dressed in simple official robes, walked onto the examination platform and announced the rules of the examination: “By order of the Emperor, this palace examination is divided into two parts: literature and skills. Each part consists of five questions. For literature, candidates will draw lots and answer questions orally on the spot. For skills, candidates will draw lots and practice on the spot. Time will be set by an hourglass. Those who fail to answer within the time limit or do not answer at all will be eliminated. The winner will be appointed by the Emperor as the top scholar, the second-best as the second-best, and the third-best as the third-best. All will be given official positions and salaries. The fourth and fifth-best will retain the title of scholar, but will only be awarded a salary and will not be given an official position.” After speaking, he turned around and sat down.

"The first round of the written examination: A short, lewd couplet. Candidates must compose a matching line based on the first line dictated by the examiner. The line must possess both lewd intent and depth of scholarship to win. Answers must not repeat words from previous responses. The time allotted is one hourglass, signaled by the sound of a gong; one hourglass corresponds to three gongs." Lü Huiqing announced the start of the first round. Wang Anshi, as the chief examiner, followed custom by politely opening the question. He stepped onto the examination platform and drew a bamboo slip: "Kong Ding!" Wang Anshi drew the slip, looking at the name inscribed on it, and called out.

"Here!" Kong Ding quickly responded and stood up.

"Good, listen carefully… 'Lanterns and decorations await early spring.' The last character of the couplet must rhyme. Please answer." Wang Anshi set this question because he was promoting new reform policies, seemingly to announce a new era.

Kong Ding scratched his head: "Well… I've got it! 'Near and far, lewdness fills the city!'"

"Good, lewd intent and a matching line. Please sit." Wang Anshi nodded and went back.

“Next is… Wang Fu!”

“Yes…yes…yes…” Wang Fu stood up firmly and quickly. After a moment’s thought, Wang Fu answered, “Joyfully opening the gate! Haha…”

“Excellent! Please sit down!”

“…Wang Kang!”

“…Yes…yes…” Upon seeing Wang Anshi, Wang Kang was momentarily at a loss for words, too frightened to stand up, and forgot to respond. “Okay, well…let me think…well…”

“Clang! The first gong has sounded.” The timekeeper called out. “Well…” Wang Kang scratched his head, deep in thought. “Clang! The second gong has sounded!” “Well…I’ve got it, I’ve got it…fire the cannons straight at the enemy! Hehe…” Wang Kang breathed a sigh of relief. “This…this…” Wang Anshi turned to look at the other examiners.

Ouyang Xiu, the most learned scholar in the court, waved his hand and said, “Let’s let him off this time!” The other examiners said no more.

"Alright, next up is Zhao Ziwen, the talented scholar from the capital!"

Zhao Ziwen flicked his sleeves and replied, "Birds and magpies gather, searching for the flower's lips!" "Good, good... what a fine 'searching for the flower's lips'!" Sima Guang praised enthusiastically. "Thank you, esteemed teacher!" Zhao Ziwen bowed and thanked him, referring to himself as a student, clearly confident of winning.

"Finally, it's Sima Xiang!"

"A virtuous woman in red makeup is on the verge of losing her senses!" Sima Xiang finished speaking and sat down with satisfaction. "Wait, what is the lewd meaning in this couplet?" Wang Anshi asked

, puzzled. Sima Xiang was about to stand up to explain when Fan Zhongyan waved for him to sit down. Fan Zhongyan continued, "Reporting to the Prime Minister, the lewd meaning in this reply can only be understood intuitively, not in the words themselves. 'On the verge of losing her senses' implies the climax, which is the manifestation of the word 'lewdness.'"

"Hmm~ Brother Fan, your insight is profound. Good... approved!" Wang Anshi praised Fan Zhongyan's explanation with a sudden realization.

"Good! The first round of impromptu written examination is over. All five scholars have passed. Please go to the back room to rest for a while. The second round of written examination will begin in two hours. Exit!" Wang Anshi announced the temporary break.

The candidates and the examiners all left, leaving only the spectators to comment and whisper among themselves. Some thought "nearly lost in thought" deserved the top prize, some thought "opening the canopy door" was a good choice, some thought "straight man" should be changed to "fierce man" for a more powerful word, and some thought "lust fills the city" best matched the theme "waiting for early spring"... The public placed bets or placed wagers, and the lively and tense atmosphere in the palace was no less than that of the examination in the palace.

(II) Seven-character quatrains show strength

"Dong! The second round of written examination begins!" As the examiners and candidates took their seats, Wang Anshi, the chief examiner, struck the giant drum in the hall for the second time and announced the start of the examination.

"The second round of the written examination: a seven-character quatrain. Candidates must compose a three-line response based on the first line dictated by the examiner. The meaning must be suggestive and profound, conforming to the rules of Tang poetry. Repetition of words from previous answers is allowed, but the meaning must not be identical. The response time is one hourglass, signaled by the striking of a gong; one hourglass corresponds to three gong strikes." Lü Huiqing announced the start of the second round.

This round's question was posed by Sima Guang. Sima Guang, the Imperial Censor, smoothed his sleeves and stepped onto the examination platform. Having just submitted a memorial criticizing Prime Minister Wang Anshi's new policies for four major flaws—encroachment on official power, creating trouble, profiteering, and refusing recommendations—and having been rejected by Wang Anshi, Sima Guang intended to use this question to subtly satirize Prime Minister Wang.

Sima Guang drew the first candidate's bamboo slip and looked at it: "The first candidate is…Prime Minister Sima!" Prime Minister Sima stood up, awaiting Sima Guang's question.

"Scholar Sima Xiang, listen carefully... 'The east wind is powerless, the flowers are withered.' Please answer the question!"

Sima Xiang fell into deep thought... "Clang! The gong has been struck." The timekeeper struck the gong.

"I've got it... 'The east wind is powerless, the flowers are withered, the wax has turned to ash before the tears dry, the heart will not die until the coffin is seen, the man will not return until he has slept with a beautiful woman!'"

"Good, good, good line 'The man will not return until he has slept with a beautiful woman,' please sit!" Sima Guang returned to his seat and drew the second examinee.

"...Zhao Ziwen!"

"Here!" Zhao Ziwen was the second examinee, naturally having more time to think than the first Sima Xiang. He immediately recited the poem: "The east wind is powerless, the flowers are withered, the bright moon is obscured by clouds and the stars are scattered, the beautiful woman alone guards her lustful resentment, only the patron's interest has waned!" "Hmm... good, the beautiful woman alone guards her lustful resentment, well done!" Sima Guang repeatedly praised, and the spectators also generously offered their praise.

"The next one is... Kong Ding!"

Kong Ding fell into deep thought, seemingly having some difficulty. In fact, the rules of the palace examination had advantages and disadvantages for those who answered first and those who answered later. In the first round, although those who answered first had less time to think than others, those who answered later could not use the same words as the former. Therefore, those who answered first had the advantage of room for choice in the question. The same was true for the second round. The meaning of the entire poem of those who answered later could not be the same as that of those who answered first, which was a real limitation in terms of the source material.

"Clang~~ The first gong is sounded!" Kong Ding did not even stand up... "Clang~~ The second gong is sounded!" Kong Ding slowly moved his body, but was still deep in thought. "Clang~~" "I've got it!" Just as the third gong was struck, Kong Ding answered: "The east wind is powerless and the flowers are withered, the clouds and rain forcefully cross the mountain pass, a pillar breaks the silent sky, and the sound of lewdness fills the passenger boat at midnight!"

"Well done~~ Clap! Clap! Clap!" The audience applauded after hearing it.

Sima Guang turned to look at Fan Zhongyan, who whispered to Sima Guang, "The rain and clouds that forcefully crossed the mountain pass and the pillar that pierced the silent sky were both excellent!"

"Next is Wang Fu!"

Wang Fu also stood up and pondered due to the limitations of the topic.

"Go, Wang Fuxiu! Go, I bet you'll be the top scholar! Go, go..." Some of the spectators shouted.

"Clang! The first gong sounds!" "Don't rush, don't rush... I've got it! 'The east wind is powerless, the flowers are withered...' Well... well..." Sima Guang, seeing the situation was not right, turned and waved to the timekeeper. "Clang! The second gong sounds!" "Good, good! This time it's for real... 'The east wind is powerless, the flowers are withered, an old man pushes a cart, his legs falter, no sound of lewdness is heard in the wind and rain, a wanton woman lies drunk, her clothes wet!'" "Oh! Good! Good! Poor wanton woman! Haha..." The spectators couldn't help but burst into laughter.

"No sound of lewdness is heard in the wind and rain, that's a good answer!" Wang Anshi commented.

"Since the palace examiners have no objections, then please let the last candidate answer the question!"

Lü Huiqing called on Wang Kang to answer, but Wang Kang was someone who couldn't handle big occasions, and his mind went completely blank.

"Clang! The first gong sounds!" "Alright, alright, don't rush me... The east wind is powerless, the flowers are withered... This... the east wind..." Sima Guang turned and waved to the timekeeper. "Clang! The second gong sounds!" "Alright... alright... I've got it! This... the east wind... to the west prostitute... This powerless... to..."

Seeing that Wang Kang was stalling for time, Sima Guang said, "If Scholar Wang cannot recite the entire poem in one go, I will ask you to withdraw from the competition!"

"I've got it, I've got it! The east wind is powerless, the flowers are withered, the west prostitute's clothes are wet with flowers, she won't give up until she reaches the Yellow River... This..." Sima Guang then waved to the timekeeper again. "Clang! The third gong has sounded!" "Wait! The little snake still wants to pierce through... What? Haha!"

Sima Guang turned to look at Ouyang Xiu, but saw Ouyang Xiu shaking his head repeatedly. Fan Zhongyan continued, "If Wang Kang's poem is meant to express the indomitable spirit of the flower picker, then it is the same as the meaning of Sima Xiang's reply poem; if it is meant to express the insatiable desires of the prostitute, then it is the same as Zhao Zi's poem; if it is meant to express the old age and weakness of the lecher, then it is the same as Wang Fu's; if it is meant to express the lecher's desire to cross the mountain pass despite his weakness, then it is the same as Kong Ding's..."

"Furthermore, since you answered after the time was up, according to the rules of this palace examination, Wang Kang, you have been eliminated." Sima Guang finally announced the unanimous decision of the palace examiners to the public.

A commotion erupted among the spectators, some crying out, "Waaah! That dead Wang Kang! That dead Wang Kang! I've poured all my savings into you! Who knew you'd be so disappointing, boohoo...boohoo...what am I going to do with my family! Boohoo...boohoo..."

"Leave the room!" Wang Anshi was the first to leave the examination platform.

"After a two-hour rest, the third round of the competition will begin. Scholar Wang Kang will not need to return to the palace!" Lü Huiqing announced to the crowd.

(III) Wang Kang's Clever Argument Leads

to a Licentious Repercussions Just as the examination official Lü Huiqing announced the elimination of scholar Wang Kang, the spectators began to hurl insults at him. Most of them were fathers or aunts who had bet their fortunes on Wang Kang's success in the imperial examination, causing Wang Kang to feel a pang of sorrow and remorse.

"Gentlemen of the Imperial Examination, please wait!" Suddenly, Wang Kang returned to the examination platform and shouted at the examination officials who were turning to leave. Upon hearing someone shout at a high-ranking official, the soldiers guarding the examination hall drew their swords in alarm; the spectators were also taken aback, as if Wang Kang would cause trouble due to his resentment at failing the exam.

Wang Anshi stopped, waved away the soldiers escorting him, and turned to Wang Kang, saying, "Why is Scholar Wang preventing the officials from leaving?" Wang Kang lowered his voice, cupped his hands, and said to Wang Anshi, "May I ask, Your Excellency, are there any regulations regarding answering after the allotted time or failing to answer after the allotted time?"

"Of course! Anyone who answers after the allotted time or fails to answer after the allotted time will be eliminated," Lü Huiqing solemnly explained the regulations. "Then may I ask, Your Excellency, are there any regulations regarding those who answer only half of the questions after the allotted time?"

"Well… you see…" Lü Huiqing was speechless for a moment, then turned to look at Sima Guang. “Yes, I am unworthy and dull-witted. However, I did not answer after the time limit; I answered the first part before the time expired. Furthermore, I did not fail to answer after the time limit; I finished all the answers after the time limit expired. I humbly ask you, sir, under what law should I be disqualified from the examination?” “Yes, yes! Good, good! Clap clap clap…” Upon hearing Wang Kang’s words, the spectators couldn’t help but applaud in support.

“This… this…” Wang Anshi turned to look at Fan Zhongyan, who stepped forward and said to Wang Kang, “According to the rules of the palace examination, there is indeed no regulation regarding the time allotted for your answers. However, the content of your answers is identical to that of the previous four candidates. According to the rules of the palace examination, you should still be eliminated!” Wang Kang smiled and said, “What is the similarity? Sima Xiangru’s poem ‘East Wind’ alludes to lewdness; the poem’s meaning is that one cannot return without indulging in lustful women, emphasizing lewdness.” "Though powerless to do his bidding, he still relentlessly succumbs to lust after a beautiful woman; Zhao Ziwen's 'East Wind' alludes to his patron, the poem's meaning lies in the beauty's solitary lament over his patron's inability to fulfill his desires; Kong Ding's 'East Wind' alludes to a rapist, the poem's meaning lies in the imagery of a woman being forced to have sex and a pillar breaking through the silence, emphasizing that the rapist, though powerless, still forcefully demands; Wang Fu's 'East Wind' alludes to an old man, the poem's meaning lies in the imagery of a stormy night without the sound of lust, emphasizing the old man's impotence. How can the meanings of these four poems be the same as my own?"

"Then what does Wang Xiucai's 'East Wind' refer to...?" Fan Zhongyan asked doubtfully. "I mean... a penis." "Hahaha, that's what he meant! Hahaha..." The audience couldn't help but laugh when they heard that Wang Kang's 'East Wind' referred to a penis. "How can you tell?" Sima Guang couldn't help but ask as well. "Have you all forgotten my last line?" "What was your last line...?" "It was that the little snake still wanted to pierce through the hole." "Haha...ha! The east wind refers to the little snake! Haha..." The crowd couldn't help but laugh again. "Hmm...then what is the meaning of your poem?" Wang Anshi, finding it reasonable, pressed Wang Kang for an explanation. "Your Excellency, my poem means that the penis is overestimating itself and still wants to pierce through the hole!" Wang Kang cleverly argued, immediately causing another uproar from the crowd.

"Well..." Wang Anshi turned to look at the highly respected Ouyang Xiu. Ouyang Xiu thought for a moment, then a smile appeared on his face, and he nodded to Wang Anshi. "Alright! Since you haven't violated the rules of the palace examination, you are still qualified to continue the competition!" After saying this, Wang Anshi turned and left with the other palace examiners. The soldiers sheathed their swords, and the crowd happily congratulated Wang Kang. The other candidates, however, showed expressions of helplessness.

Sima Xiang approached Wang Kang with a puzzled look and asked, "I would like to ask you, Brother Wang, can a penis also serve as the east wind?" "Of course it can! Haven't you heard that everything is ready except for the east wind? How can a lecherous man act without a penis?" Wang Kang smiled and cleverly argued, "Yes, yes... Brother Wang is right!" Sima Xiang tactfully withdrew.

(IV) The sounds of lewdness continued

back and forth for another two hours. Amid the commotion and jeers of the spectators, the officials of the palace examination, escorted by soldiers, entered the examination hall. The candidates had already taken their seats in the hall, waiting for the third round of the written examination. After a while, the chief examiner, Wang Anshi, walked to the front of the hall and said: "Given that the five candidates are all outstanding talents, in order to avoid wasting the time of the officials in charge of the palace examination and the normal life of the people, the third round of the written examination, as well as the subsequent fourth and fifth rounds, will be conducted in one go without any breaks... Now, let's begin the third round of the written examination!"

As soon as Wang Anshi announced the completion of the entire written examination, the crowd cheered, because what everyone was most looking forward to was not the written examination, but the practical skills competition that followed.

"The third stage of the written examination is a designated poem. The candidates must compose a seven-character quatrain on the spot based on the topic specified by the examiners. The poem must contain both beautiful and lewd meanings. The time limit is three gongs. Those who fail to answer within the time limit, do not answer, or answer only part of the question will be eliminated!" Lü Huiqing announced the slightly revised rules of the imperial examination because of the Wang Kangfu incident.

"Alright, the first one is Wang Kang..." This round was presided over by Fan Zhongyan. He drew the first lot, and whether intentionally or unintentionally, Wang Kang, who had just secured his place in the examination, was immediately chosen. "Wang Kang, listen... please compose a seven-character quatrain on the theme of 'Women's Twin Peaks,' the timer begins!" Fan Zhongyan waved his hand, and the timekeeper inverted the hourglass to begin the timer. "Clang—the first gong has sounded!" Wang Kang stood thoughtfully on the examination platform. "Go Wang Kang! Go Wang Kang!" Cheers from the spectators echoed from below. "Clang—the second gong has sounded!"

"I've got it... 'Looking at it from the side, it's a ridge; viewed from the front, it's a peak; near and far, high and low, each view is different. I cannot see the true face of Mount Lu, only because I hold it tightly in my hands... Haha..." Wang Kang smiled after answering as usual. "Good! Good! Indeed, the size and height of her breasts are different—haha—haha—" The spectators laughed heartily. "Good, passed. The next one is... Wang Fu!" Fan Zhongyan drew the second candidate to come up on stage. "Please compose a seven-character quatrain on the theme of 'A woman's small mouth,' and the timer begins!" Master Fan gave the second topic to Wang Fu, the second person to respond. "Well..." Wang Fu was also struggling to think; it was truly a challenge. Actually, this third written test was different from the first two. The first two had the same question, so later respondents had more time to think but were limited by the inability to repeat previous answers. In the third test, the examiners gave each person a different topic, so it didn't affect who answered first or last, and everyone needed to think for a moment. "Clang—the first gong sounds." "...This...white fluid..." Wang Fu hesitated. "Clang—the second gong sounds." "...white fluid...oh...I've got it...white fluid, jade-like liquid, tastes like a flute, sprays and flows to the mouth, never to return, first seen kissing, tongue licking and sucking, then pushed and trembling." Wang Fu breathed a sigh of relief and sat down!

Fan Zhongyan looked at Wang Fu suspiciously. "Wait... what does 'firstly kissing, holding, licking, and sucking' mean?"

"Reporting to you, sir, it means a woman's small mouth kissing, holding, and licking the penis." "...And what about 'pushing, trembling, and ejaculating'?" "Reporting to you again, sir, it means a man's penis pressing, thrusting, and trembling as he ejaculates." "Alright, I understand... please sit down!" Only then did Wang Fu sit down. "Good for you, Wang Fu... bring the top scholar and the prince consort over together... haha... the princess's little mouth is quite big... hahaha..." The spectators laughed and joked again.

"Next is... Zhao Ziwen!" Zhao Ziwen straightened his clothes, cupped his hands, and waited for the questions given by Master Fan. "Zhao Ziwen, please compose a seven-character quatrain on the theme of a woman's plump buttocks..." Unexpectedly, Zhao Ziwen immediately answered with a poem: "A graceful lady with a pert bottom, a pack of lecherous wolves surround her, embracing her from the front and pushing her from behind, wanting to take a look at her back garden!" "Haha—wanting to have some fun in the back garden...it has to be long enough—hahaha—" Zhao Ziwen's answer naturally drew a burst of laughter from the crowd! "Good, lewd intention—next is Sima Xiang." "Here—" "Please compose a seven-character quatrain on the theme of an old lady's repressed lust." "...Got it...A middle-aged woman still has a good charm, a dry well wants to be pounded with wood, a man rides a bamboo horse to slaughter the city, a green plum makes the man beg for mercy." "—Oh—not bad...it would be even better if the last line was changed to 'the old lady is screaming with pleasure'—hahaha—" The crowd started to make a ruckus again.

"You've passed the test, but..." Old Fan seemed hesitant, then continued, "Since ancient times, the Han and the traitors have been irreconcilable enemies. Now, the Liao Dynasty in the north is stirring up trouble against us. It seems inappropriate for Sima Xiang to make the Han beg for mercy with his 'green plum'!" "Then... change it to... 'the green plum makes the stick beg for mercy'... that should be acceptable, right?" Sima Xiang changed the character "Han" to "stick"! "Alright—next is Kong Ding!...Please compose a seven-character quatrain on the theme of 'the beautiful vulva of a young girl'..." "Well... I've got it... 'The beautiful vulva of a young girl is always wet, on the eve of her first night she wipes away her tears, I ask you, do you have any pleasure? It's during the thrusting in and out.'" Kong Ding answered this test with ease. "Alright! Passed...Since everyone has passed, let's proceed directly to the fourth test." Wang Anshi announced the start of the fourth test.

"The fourth round of the written examination is a seven-character poem relay. Each candidate must use the last character of the previous candidate's poem as the first character, ensuring the meaning is coherent and the character's form and pronunciation are identical. The poem must rhyme, contain lewd elements, and the last character must not be repeated from the previous candidate's. There are five rounds in total. Those who fail to complete the answer within the time limit are eliminated!" Lü Huiqing announced the rules for this round as usual. The fourth round was presided over by Ouyang Xiu. He stepped forward and drew four lots from the bamboo tube to determine the order of answering the questions. The order was Sima Xiang, Wang Kang, Zhao Ziwen, Wang Fu, and Kong Ding. Ouyang Xiu then began the question: "The great river flows eastward, its waves sweeping away... Please, Sima Xiang, continue the poem..."

"Good, remove all clothes to await the wolf's plucking." "Plucking the yin to nourish the yang." Wang Kang answered. Zhao Ziwen continued: "The yang rod draws water into the yin well." "The depth of the well measures your lewd power." "Wang Fu answered the question. "Insufficient strength to prevent premature ejaculation." Kong Ding finished answering, and the first round ended. "--Clap--Clap--Good--" The audience burst into applause. Sima Xiang then started the second round: "When the essence is abundant, the rod rises again." "Get up and seduce the girl again." Wang Kang answered again, which drew a burst of laughter. "The lecherous man enters the hall and forcibly picks the flower." "The flower withers and the bud falls, the person is withered." Wang Fu answered. "What a word 'withered'—it's driving Kong Ding crazy—keep going..." The audience hoped to see the first person eliminated soon. "Withered face comes from the lecherous wolf's cruelty." Kong Ding finished the second round steadily. Kong Ding wanted to tease Sima Xiang, so he used the word "cruelty" at the end. "Cruelty is applied to the chrysanthemum garden." Sima Xiang answered easily again. "How deep is the courtyard?" Wang Kang also passed the third round. "...May...maybe?" "Clang—the gong is sounded." "Maybe—maybe the flower wolf enters the bud garden!" “Zhao Ziwen answered, “Cousin…cousin brothers all together.” Wang Fu answered. “Gathering…” Kong Ding was about to answer the question. “Wait…what is the connection between Wang Fu’s answer and Xu Dehua Lang’s entry into the brothel?” Fan Zhongyan asked. “Yes—yes—originally there was only one brothel, how did cousins appear?” The crowd’s questions also rose and fell.

“This…this…” Wang Fu was speechless and at a loss.

Wang Anshi stepped forward and said, “Alright, Wang Fu is eliminated! Kong Ding, take the word ‘tang’…”

…“Tang…the sounds of lewdness are constant in the hall…” Kong Ding finished answering the third round. “Intermittent sounds of pain.” Sima Xiang answered quickly. Wang Kang tilted his head and answered, “Sounds of climaxing…” “This…” Zhao Ziwen was stumped!

(V) The written test ends and the practical test begins

“Clang—the gong sounds!”

Zhao Ziwen was trapped by Wang Kang's words, "The climax is coming!" "Clang—the second gong has sounded !

"

"This 'to'...ah...I will never drink the water of forgetfulness until death!" Zhao Ziwen blurted out in desperation.

"What...what...what is this water of forgetfulness?" The onlookers murmured amongst themselves.

Ouyang Xiu stepped forward and whispered to Zhao Ziwen, "I am well-versed in ancient and modern history, but I have never heard of this water of forgetfulness. May I ask, Scholar Zhao, what is its origin?"

Zhao Ziwen replied, "Master, have you ever heard of the water of forgetfulness?"

"I have heard of it," Ouyang Xiu answered.

Zhao Ziwen elaborated, "In unofficial history, it is said that Tang Bohu wanted to woo Qiu Xiang, but was thwarted by the old lady. A friend suggested that he drink the water of forgetfulness to escape the pain of love. Tang Bohu replied: 'The water of forgetfulness may make one forget love, but this sorrow will linger and never end.' The friend said, 'Then let's use the water of forgetfulness!'" "It's probably just a joke made by Tang Bohu's friend who mistook the word '吟' (

yin, meaning 'to sing' or 'to indulge') for '淫' (yin, meaning 'to be obscene')." "Oh—I've learned something! I've learned something—I'm ignorant.

" Ouyang Xiu responded politely to Zhao Ziwen. "Then please let Scholar Kong Ding answer with the word 'water'." "Fire extinguishes, water recedes, waves calm.

" Sima Xiang finished the last round. "Easy—...Quietly contemplate regretting ravaging your sister." Wang Kang also finished the fifth round.

Zhao Ziwen stood up, muttering to himself, "That damn Wang Kang! Damn Wang Kang! ...He always tricks me... This 'torture'..."

" Clang—the first gong is sound!"

"This...torture...it's really difficult...let me think..." "Clang—the second gong is sound!" Zhao Ziwen really looked helpless. "Come on—Come on, Young Master Zhao—" someone in the audience cheered for Zhao Ziwen. "Hmm...this..." Suddenly, Zhao Ziwen seemed to have an inspiration. "Clang—the third gong is sound!"

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