gentle lover

page views:1 Publication date:2022-09-28

Let me briefly introduce R. She's three years older than me. I'm 32 this year, and she should be 35. She's still single, the kind of single who's not short of money, owns a car and a house, and drives a BMW. She's a typical woman from the Jiangnan region—petite, and at first glance, she seems like the gentle and virtuous type, but actually, she's a very strong woman. She works at a company that's neither particularly good nor bad, but honestly, for them, going to work is just a way to kill time. She's about 165cm tall, very slim, and knows how to take care of herself. I met her two years ago, and she didn't look 33 at all. She's beautiful, has a great figure, and has a perfect bust and butt—a woman you can't find fault with. I met her at a classmate's birthday party. Apparently, she'd had a few drinks and couldn't drive. I was just there to make an appearance, since I didn't know any of her friends, so I focused on eating and didn't drink. She sat next to me; maybe because she's pretty, people kept urging her to drink. Since we were sitting close, we started chatting after a few rounds. After dinner, because she couldn't drive due to the alcohol, even though I had my own car, opportunities are for those who seize them. I simply told her I'd taken a taxi and could drive her home. There wasn't much of a story there; I just made sure she got home safely and asked for her WeChat ID. Then, I, feeling rather pathetic, took a taxi back to my hotel and drove home myself. Having a WeChat account made things much easier. We chatted casually, and I managed to get a basic understanding of her. It turned out she had a boyfriend she was planning to marry, and they were even getting ready to tie the knot. But then the guy got caught soliciting prostitutes, and his whole family found out, so the wedding was called off. She said she'd never trust men again. Okay, I told her we couldn't condemn her so easily, and offered some comfort. We chatted every day, and naturally, feelings developed. Every few days we'd meet up for a meal or tea. Normally, when we go out to eat with a girl, the cost for two people is around 200-300 yuan.I felt embarrassed otherwise, but after spending time with her, I realized she was a woman who knew how to manage a household. I remember the first time we ate together was hot and sour soup, the first time I'd ever had it, and it cost 30 yuan for two people. After dinner, we went to karaoke. I'm a karaoke enthusiast, and I used the microphone to tell her that I was singing this song for her today, Guang Liang's "Fairy Tale." After I finished singing, she cried, saying that I was the first guy to sing for her. Seeing a woman cry really made me panic. Actually, when a truly genuine and kind girl opens her heart to you, you really won't have any other thoughts in your mind. You'll feel an urge to protect her. Really, that's how I felt at the time. Then I used all sorts of funny tricks to make her laugh, and after we finished, I took her home. That evening, we chatted on WeChat. She directly asked if I liked her, and I said yes. She said I was a good person, but she knew I had a girlfriend (she lived in another city; my friends probably already told me that). That day, I also had a moment of madness and told her that I really liked her, that I didn't want anything in return, I just wanted her to be happy, and that I had a girlfriend, whom I loved very much. She asked if I was trying to pursue her, and I said yes. I remember hilariously using a quote from my Marxist philosophy class in college: "Love is not sex itself; it is a combination of sexual need, selfless service, and friendship. What is unbreakable is friendship." Perhaps I read it too seriously, because she burst out laughing on the other end of the phone, saying I was funny and cute. I think at least I passed that hurdle; otherwise, knowing I had a girlfriend and wasn't the type to break up with her, she probably would have thought I was a pervert. After that, we talked on the phone all night, about everything under the sun. Sometimes when I go on business trips, I bring her some local specialties or souvenirs. We usually eat out together, but if I remember correctly, we've only gone to a decent restaurant once or twice. With her, I ate hot and sour soup for the first time, and bibimbap in a stone pot for the first time—I'd never even heard of those before. Actually, although we weren't short of money back then, we were still quite strapped for cash. Coming from the countryside, I'd spent six years after graduating from university buying a car and a house on my own, with a mountain of loans. Honestly, it was tough. That's why I say a smart woman is someone who knows your capabilities, won't let you spend money, and is willing to eat street food with you. The more she does that, the more guilty I feel. She won't insist on paying the bill... You were considerate enough, but the food wasn't expensive either. We spent half a year together and became inseparable best friends. When we were out alone, she would hold my hand. On park benches, she would snuggle up to me and chat. She was the first woman in my life who made my mind so pure and free of distractions. I started to enjoy this feeling. Doing nothing, just having her by my side was enough. We chatted, ate together, watched movies, went shopping. When I took her home, I would kiss her forehead and tell her to get some rest. When we snuggled up in the park, I would secretly and gently rub my hand against her chest, like I was back in my teenage years. It was so fun, and even now, thinking back on it, I can't help but smile. So, one time she said the router signal at home wasn't very good. I said it was easy, I'd buy her a new one and install it for her. She agreed and said she'd cook for me herself. During dinner, she took a bottle of red wine and we drank some together. To be honest, a country bumpkin like me doesn't have that kind of sophistication. I drank the red wine like it was beer, downing it in one gulp, making her laugh so hard she was practically drooling. She said I was adorably silly. Actually, I knew something was going to happen after the red wine. After dinner, I volunteered to do the dishes. While I was doing the dishes, she suddenly ran up behind me and hugged me, saying softly, "Why didn't I meet you sooner?" I turned around and tapped her nose, telling her it wasn't too late. She stopped crying and went to the sofa to watch TV. Suddenly, I felt a mix of emotions. After washing the dishes, I sat down on the sofa to watch TV with her. She leaned on my shoulder and stroked my hand. I didn't say a word. I knew it would be easy to seduce her now, but suddenly I was afraid. Someone who had feelings for me, someone who had even developed feelings for me—I was afraid of incurring this emotional debt. I just hugged her tighter and sighed deeply. She looked up, and I can still remember those eyes beneath her trembling eyelashes, so clear. She asked why I sighed. I cupped her chin and told her, "I like you, but I also love my girlfriend. I can't break up with her. She's been through thick and thin with me since college, never looking down on me for being poor. Although I'm doing well now, one shouldn't forget their roots, and I truly love my girlfriend." She smiled and said she hadn't misjudged me; that was the real me, unpretentious and genuine. To be honest, men are born liars, and it's a talent—they can fabricate stories they can even believe themselves. But in front of her, I didn't even have that thought. I became as pure as she was. She nestled in my arms, and from my vantage point, I could clearly see the expanse of white skin on her chest. The hem of her breasts rubbed against my irresistible urge. Well, my body betrayed me; she sensed it, looking up at me with a sly glint in her eye. I panicked, unsure what to say. I said, "Okay, I'll go back," and tried to sit up. She suddenly wrapped her arms around my neck, looking at me softly, and asked, "You won't regret it?" Her eyes held a mixture of expectation and resentment. At that moment, my mind went blank. I couldn't control myself and kissed her. For the first time, it was different. Instead of the usual polite, light kiss on the forehead, this was a truly passionate and deep kiss. I was intoxicated, melting under her fervor. That afternoon, just as she herself said, I not only took her heart but also her body. From that afternoon until the next day, I lost count of how many times we made love; we were endlessly taking from each other. When I woke up in the morning, she had prepared breakfast like a virtuous wife. I held her, caressing her face, which I never tired of looking at, and for a moment, I didn't know what to say. She softly said, "It's okay, I'm willing," silencing all the words I wanted to say. And so, I began what was called "two-timing," thankfully my girlfriend worked for a company in another city, so we only saw each other once a month, and I didn't have to worry too much. R and I lived like a couple. Every time she came over, she would fill my fridge with food. She knew my kitchen was only used for boiling water and making instant noodles, so she would come over to clean the house and do my laundry. Some clothes had to be hand-washed, and watching her patiently wash my intimate clothing, I couldn't help but think, "Why didn't I meet her sooner?" Sigh. And so, as everything became a habit, the guilt in my heart slowly disappeared, and we began to enjoy this love that was destined to have no future. I accompanied her everywhere... We visited all the tourist attractions in the surrounding cities, wandering through the streets and alleys in search of delicious food, but happy days are always short-lived. My girlfriend was coming to my city; she knew it. She smiled nonchalantly and told me to treat her well, saying that I had already wronged her, and I should treat her better in the future. Only then did I realize that I had already wronged both of you, but in the future, I could only be good to one person, and it wasn't you. Only that one time, I cried in front of her. I cried like a child. She hugged me, and we held each other and talked all night. When we woke up in the morning, she stroked my penis and smiled, saying to me, "Let's do it once, then it won't belong to me anymore." I still remember that morning when I left her house; the sun was so bright, but I felt so uneasy. Even now, we occasionally keep in touch, but it's just a few perfunctory greetings; we can't seem to develop a conversation. I don't know why, but I always feel like I owe her something. She says I don't, but I just feel that way. It's been two years since this story began, and she's still single. Why am I writing this? Because just now she asked me how I was doing, and I told her my baby was born, a girl. She asked to see a picture, which I sent her. She replied with a voice message saying how beautiful she was and that she wanted to adopt her as a goddaughter. Hearing her pure laughter, I felt increasingly heavy-hearted. If the scene were to return to that dinner table two years ago, would I still approach her? I don't have the answer. [The End]

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