Xiaoying, a married woman, and her father

page views:1 Publication date:2023-03-23

Watching the two people in the video, with Xiaoying's soft moans and her father's heavy breathing constantly in my ears, I finally couldn't bear it any longer. I frantically grabbed anything within reach and smashed it against the computer, pounding the monitor with my fists and kicking it until the sounds completely stopped. Computer debris littered the floor before I stopped.
Sitting back in my chair, blood streaming from my hands, my mind blank, I recalled the day I returned from America.
From that day on, and the fear and anxiety I'd felt since Xiaoying found out. "Heh, is this my retribution?
Is this God's punishment for what I did to destroy this family?" A sharp pain spread through my heart. I couldn't imagine that the person in the video was my beloved wife. Even the touch and voice from yesterday—I hoped it was just a dream, a fantasy. Reality slapped me hard in the face. Everything was real. I don't understand. Xiaoying could have retaliated in any way she wanted—she could have confronted me, demanded I leave with nothing, or made me never see them again. All of that was fine. But why choose this method? Did she really think I enjoyed cuckolding, enjoyed giving you away?
At that moment, I couldn't help but recall my original purpose. Because I couldn't satisfy Xiaoying, because of my physical problems, I chose to push her towards my father, even resorting to drugs to achieve my goal. I couldn't imagine the pain of losing her; I was afraid she would leave me, afraid she would choose someone else. But I was wrong. Love isn't just about physical attraction; it's about understanding the deepest parts of a woman's psyche. So Xiaoying wore a wedding dress for my father. I think if I hadn't intervened, they would have continued. Continued pursuing each other, because I could never give Xiaoying what my father could give my father. Ha! The fortune teller said Xiaoying and my father's relationship was just a fleeting connection. Can he tell me now that it was just a fleeting connection? Can Xiaoying and I still go on? Where is our future?

Chapter Two - Playing
On the way to the daycare, I looked at the scenery and my heart gradually calmed down. Before talking to Xiaoying, I wanted to take Haohao out to play first. During my conversation with Leng Bing Shuang, I felt that if I took Haohao away now, Xiaoying might have a change of heart, and I wouldn't be able to leave. Moreover, for the time being, I couldn't take better care of Haohao as I could here. I would wait until a year later to pick him up. At least there would be a buffer period, which would be better for both Xiaoying and Haohao.
When we arrived at the daycare, Hao Hao and the other children were napping. I found the teacher on duty and told her I had some things to do with my child and would be taking him home soon. The teacher seemed a little confused, but knowing I was the child's father, she went in and woke Hao Hao up. She spoke quietly to him, and Hao Hao was happy to see me. The teacher took Hao Hao out, and he jumped into my arms, asking, "Daddy, why are you here?" Looking at his innocent face, my mood seemed to improve. I whispered,
"Daddy's going on a business trip for a year, so I'm taking Hao Hao out to have some fun. I'll take you to Grandma and Grandpa's later." Hearing me say that, Hao Hao was very happy and jumped off me. "Okay, let's go out and play!" I picked Hao Hao up again, thanked the teacher, and got back into the car.
I asked, "Hao Hao, where do you want to go?"
Hao Hao thought for a moment and asked, "Can we go anywhere?"
"We can go anywhere, anywhere Hao Hao wants to go." "What about Mommy? Is Mommy going?" Hao Hao asked innocently. Hearing Xiao Ying's name, I felt a little sad and said to Hao Hao, "Mommy has something to do today. How about we go with Hao Hao next time? How about we go play with Daddy today?" Hearing that Mommy wasn't going, Hao Hao was a little disappointed, but when he heard that Xiao Ying could go next time, he perked up again, "Okay, Daddy, I want to go to the amusement park, okay?"
Looking at Hao Hao, and remembering that this might be the last time I took Hao Hao to play this year, tears slowly streamed down my face. I picked Hao Hao up... "Okay, Hao Hao says anywhere is fine!"
Hao Hao saw my tears welling up and immediately panicked. "Daddy, does that mean we can't go to the amusement park? If we can't go, I won't go. Daddy, don't cry, Hao Hao won't go." I wiped away my tears and smiled at Hao Hao, saying, "Daddy's okay, Daddy just got some sand in his eyes, it'll be fine in a bit.
Come on, Daddy will take you to the amusement park."
I took Hao Hao to the amusement park for the whole afternoon. Hao Hao was very happy, and I laughed non-stop all afternoon, as if I had never been so happy before. I only took him away when Hao Hao was tired and wanted to sleep.
Back at my in-laws' house, I dropped the child off. My mother-in-law was surprised to see me bring the child back.
"Jingcheng, why did you suddenly take Haohao to the amusement park today? When I went to pick him up, the teacher told me someone mentioned taking the child away. I was worried, but thankfully the teacher told me you picked him up." "It's nothing. I had some time this afternoon and suddenly wanted to take the child out to play." "Xiaoying, you didn't take her with you. When I called Xiaoying, she didn't know." Hearing that Xiaoying already knew, I thought this matter would be resolved tonight. "Mom, I didn't tell Xiaoying. Well, I have some things to do, I have to go to a dinner party later, so I'll go now." My mother-in-law was a little confused by my words, saying I had time one minute and something the next. Just as she was wondering what was going on, Haohao interrupted her. Knowing I was leaving, Haohao rushed over and hugged me, saying, "Goodbye, Daddy! Take me to the amusement park again next time, with Mommy!" I picked up the child. "Okay, next time." After saying that, I said goodbye to my in-laws and left.
Walking downstairs, gazing at the lights of my in-laws' house, I sighed deeply and took out my phone to call Xiaoying.
"Hello," Xiaoying's voice was a little hoarse. I sensed something was off about her voice, but I didn't dwell on it and asked, "Where are you?"
"I'm at home. Where's Haohao?"
"Haohao's with Mom and Dad. Wait for me at home; I need to talk to you about something." After a moment of silence, Xiaoying's voice came through the phone. "Does it have to be today?" "Yes, today. I'll tell you when I get home."
Then I hung up. I gazed silently at the starry sky.
This is the end of it. I hope it can all be over today. Back
home
, Xiaoying sat alone at the dining table. Several dishes were prepared, all my favorites, but I had no appetite. Hearing me enter, Xiaoying turned to look at me and said, "You're back. I'll heat up the food." She then went
to serve the dishes. "No need, I'm not hungry. Is he home?" Xiaoying didn't quite understand the "he" I mentioned at first, but then she realized, her face turning pale.
"Father is in his room," she said
. "Sit here for a while. I'll go find him and then I'll come back to you." Hearing me ask her to leave, Xiaoying's face grew increasingly pale, and her hands trembled slightly. I
went straight into my father's room. He was sitting on the bed. I looked at him and said, "You go out. I need to talk to Xiaoying." My father was stunned by my words, then dared not look at me again and left the house.
I went to Xiaoying's side, looking at her face. She was still so beautiful, but she no longer belonged to me. Now she belonged to my father, and I no longer wanted to embrace her, who belonged to my father.
"Xiaoying, how long have we been married?" Hearing my question, Xiaoying seemed flustered. I ignored her and continued, "It seems like almost eight years. I can hardly remember. I originally thought we could stay together forever, but who knew we'd encounter these things along the way. Thankfully, we found each other again, as if God wanted our destiny to continue..."
Hearing my mutterings, Xiaoying's face grew paler and paler. I composed myself and looked at her. "But let's end it now. I hope this ending will be a relief for both of us." Hearing this, Xiaoying froze, her face ashen, as if devoid of blood. I didn't speak again, nor did I look at her. I simply looked around the house, at all the things filled with memories. Every single item was chosen by Xiaoying and me, every single item brimming with our beautiful memories. I remember how carefully Xiaoying selected each item, comparing them from several different homes. Watching her choose, my heart ached for her. I told her we could exchange them if she didn't like them later, but she told me she hoped to use these things for a lifetime, just like we could spend a lifetime together!
Sigh, Xiaoying, can we go on like this? Xiaoying hadn't spoken yet; I couldn't even hear her breathing. Looking at her, I saw she was motionless, staring at me like a statue, her eyes unfocused. Seeing her like this, I felt a pang of pity, but then I remembered what had happened last night. Instinctively, I turned to look at my father's room, and my pity instantly turned into anger. Looking at Xiaoying again, it transformed into sorrow and grief. But then, remembering that I was the one who caused it all, that I had forced Xiaoying and my father into this situation, I felt waves of remorse. If I hadn't insisted on this course of action, things probably wouldn't have turned out this way. Xiaoying would still be my wife, and my father wouldn't be thinking about her.
I sighed. "Xiaoying, it's true that things turned out this way; I'm the culprit. But I really can't satisfy you, and you don't just love me anymore. You've fallen in love with my father. One person can't have two people in their heart, and sooner or later you'll leave me and eventually fall in love with my father. I don't want to see that happen. So I choose to let go. I don't want to tie you to my side." After saying that, I looked at Xiaoying again. Xiaoying still didn't answer me, just stared blankly at me, ignoring me as if she hadn't heard what I said. I picked up my handbag from beside me, took out the divorce agreement and pen that the lawyer had prepared at noon, and then saw the ring on my hand. I took a deep breath, took off the ring that had been with me for eight years, and placed it on the table. For the past eight years, no matter what happened, I had never taken off this ring, but now I didn't need it anymore. It would only make me angry and regretful.
Seeing me take off the ring, Xiaoying swayed slightly. I ignored her and handed her the divorce agreement and pen. Xiaoying ignored me and stared blankly at me. I sighed and placed them in front of her. "Xiaoying, take a look. This is the divorce agreement I had my lawyer draft. Regarding the property, I still have 380,000 yuan, and you should have 60,000 yuan. I'll take the 60,000 yuan. I don't need the house or the car; I'll leave them to you. As for Haohao..."
I paused, "Haohao is still very young, and I don't plan to let him think about it now. The environment here is suitable for him, and I trust my parents to take care of him. After he turns eight, I will let him choose whether to stay with you or me. If you don't have these things, then... then, sign it!" At this moment, Xiaoying's hollow voice clearly conveyed to me, "Take it. I will not get a divorce." Chapter 3 - Confrontation
Hearing this, I was stunned for a moment, and then anger surged up. I slammed my hand on the table and stood up:
"Qu Ying, what do you mean? Do you want me to be your husband in public, and him to be your husband in private?"
Hearing this, Xiao Ying stared at me with wide eyes, seemingly unable to believe what I was saying. Then her gaze softened as she said, "That's not what I meant. I just don't want a divorce!" "Don't want a divorce? Didn't you tell me what you did yesterday? You planned to divorce me, you were already prepared for it? But what do you mean now? If you don't want a divorce, why did you do this? To get revenge on me? To get revenge on me for facilitating your affair?"
"Aren't you right?"
Xiao Ying suddenly shouted, "You pushed me towards your father, you drugged him so he could rape me! Who installed all these surveillance cameras? You're monitoring us, watching me and your father. Isn't all of this your doing? Don't you like watching us? Can't I do as you please? Aren't you satisfied?"
Hearing Xiao Ying's words, my anger turned to ice. I felt a chill rush to my heart and then to my brain. At that moment, I didn't want to look at Xiao Ying. I closed my eyes, but Xiao Ying continued speaking:
"Yes, I got revenge on you. Didn't you do this first? You pushed me towards my father. Did you even consider my feelings? I just wanted to be a wife and mother, but you forced me into this.
Is all of this my fault? Now you can't take it anymore, so you're just going to leave. You forced all of this on me, and now you're planning to leave? You…"
I reopened my eyes, my gaze icy as I looked at Xiaoying. Xiaoying stopped speaking abruptly when she saw my gaze. "Xiaoying, is this what you really think?"
Xiaoying seemed frightened by my gaze and didn't speak. I continued, "Yes, all of this is my fault, but…" "Have you ever thought about why I did this? Weren't you searching for cuckoldry? Do you really think I'm cuckolding? Ah!!!"
I roared at Xiaoying, "I'm a fucking useless man. When you're next to me, have you ever thought about how I feel? I'm a fucking man who can't even satisfy his wife. Haha, a wife next to her husband. What man in the world would do that?" Tears started streaming down my face. "But I can't do it. After my surgery that year, I never had any sex drive. Every time you were next to me, I was in agony. I just couldn't do it. Do you know how much I regret it?"
"As a husband, if I can't even satisfy my own wife, I know love can't be satisfied by just physical intimacy; it also needs sex. I'm afraid you'll leave me one day." "So I chose my father, because he also has that need, and he won't take you away, he won't demand your love. He just wants your body, and you can satisfy that." "But I was wrong. How can a man beside a woman only want her body? He increasingly desires your love. He's not satisfied with just your body; he wants you to belong to him, body and soul. And you, because of his gentleness and the pleasure he brings you in bed, gradually opened your body to him. The key to a woman's heart is that as you gradually open your body, you also open your heart." "Remember our wedding anniversary? I deliberately didn't go home because I wanted to see if you had fallen in love with him. And he bought you a gift, saying it was for me. I think you know it wasn't from me because the tag was on it. You know I like things with tags on them. Did you think he forgot to remove it to comfort you?" "I'm telling you, he always knew I would tear off the tags because it was a method he taught me. He always knew my habit of removing them. And he had that habit too. At that moment, I knew he wanted your love, that he wanted you to love him." "Later, I started to stop you from being together and helped him find a partner because I hoped you wouldn't fall in love, so you would leave me forever. At that time, I felt everything was urgent, but I was wrong again. You still fell in love with him. I deliberately said I was going on a business trip to see what you would choose, and you still went to his side.
But what I didn't expect was that you would wear a wedding dress for him. At that moment, I knew that you had already left me, that there was someone else in your heart."
My tears had dried up, and I slumped back into the chair. "When you developed sex addiction, your body and mind kept moving closer to him. Remember when I took you to the hospital the second time? The doctor told me you were cured, but your appearance told me you didn't need to be cured, so I later suggested that you two break up." I looked at Xiaoying again and found that her tears were also flowing. "When you discovered everything, I still had a sliver of hope that you and Father could completely break off the relationship and start over. But when I saw the surveillance footage, I knew you wouldn't come back. You belonged to Father, truly and completely. But I never imagined you would choose to retaliate against me like this. I'm desperate. I don't want to go on like this anymore. Because I was afraid of losing you, I made this choice, but I was still wrong. I still lost you."
"So..."
I looked at Xiaoying and said, "Let me be free, Xiaoying. I really don't want this to go on anymore. I've had enough."
Xiaoying looked at me with tears in her eyes. "Husband, wearing the wedding dress was just to give my father an ending. When I was addicted to sex, I really lost myself in what I did with my father. That controlled me. When you said I would break up with him, I did hesitate because the pleasure was too unforgettable. But I still chose to be with you because I don't love my father. He won't be with me forever. When I learned the truth about everything, I really hated you. I hated you for causing all of this. I went to investigate because I was afraid you had psychological problems, but I also hated you, so I took revenge on you. But I really still love you..." After Xiaoying finished speaking, she collapsed onto the dining table and kept crying.
After listening to Xiaoying's words, I looked at her and smiled, saying, "Xiaoying, you've already figured it out, haven't you? You only said you still love me, but you didn't say whether you love your father or not. You've already fallen in love with your father, you just don't dare to admit it. But I know you'll eventually leave, completely fall in love with your father. Let's both let go; it's better for both of us."
Xiaoying stopped crying, looked up at me again, tears still streaming down her face, her eyes empty and somewhat miserable: "I really haven't fallen in love with my father. Why don't you believe me? All I need is my father's sexual prowess. Why don't you believe me? Why, why..." Looking at Xiaoying like this, my heart ached, but I also knew that if I didn't let go now, it would only bring endless pain to both of us in the future, and I might even develop resentment towards Xiaoying, which would also affect Haohao. Composing myself, I said to Xiaoying again, "Sign it, Xiaoying. I've made up my mind." Hearing this, Xiaoying understood that I wouldn't change my mind; my resolve was unwavering. She looked at me with resolute eyes. "Wang Jingcheng, I'm telling you, I won't sign it. I'd rather die than sign this."
Hearing this, I felt helpless. I knew I could sue Xiaoying for divorce, but I didn't want it to come to this. If Xiaoying insisted on not signing, I would have to file for divorce, but that would take two years—too long. However, I had to do it. "Xiaoying, if you don't sign, I'll have to file for divorce, and even after two years of separation, we'll still get a divorce." Hearing this, Xiaoying froze, staring at me... Sobbing, she pleaded, "Husband, I beg you, I beg you, please don't do this. I really didn't fall in love with Father. I just saw him as someone to satisfy my sexual desires. I really beg you, don't divorce me, I don't want to leave you..."
I sighed. There was no point in talking to Xiaoying anymore. "I don't think we can talk today. Think it over. I'll come back tomorrow."
I turned and walked towards the door. Just then, Xiaoying rushed over and hugged me, sobbing, "Husband, don't go, please don't go! I was wrong, I beg you..." Xiaoying hugged me very tightly, and I was afraid of hurting her, so I didn't dare to pull too hard. I could only say, "Xiaoying, let go. I'll come back, but I won't stay in this house anymore, and I won't stay by your side." "No, I don't want to, I beg you, husband, don't leave me. Don't leave me..." As we stood frozen in place, the door opened, and my father returned. He seemed a little surprised to see us like this, and then, hearing Xiaoying's sobs, he suddenly angrily said to me, "Jingcheng, why is Xiaoying crying like this? You've made Xiaoying cry like this." As he spoke, he even tried to check on Xiaoying behind me. Seeing my father seemingly protecting his wife, and remembering how Xiaoying and my father had been by my side yesterday, my lingering affection and soft heart instantly vanished. I yelled at my father, "Get out! What business is it of yours? Who are you? What right do you have to ask? Get out!"
After saying that, I forcefully broke free from Xiaoying, who fell to the ground. I opened the door, turned to Xiaoying, and said,
"I'll come back tomorrow. Qu Ying, think it over carefully. It's best to sign the papers; that way, it'll be better for both of us. If it doesn't work out, I'll file for divorce. I'm divorcing you."
Hearing that I was divorcing him, my father's eyes suddenly lit up. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw it and turned to yell at him,
"I'll never forget what you did! You're a scumbag! You got your daughter-in-law's body but you weren't satisfied; you wanted her heart too! Let me tell you, from today onwards, we're severing all ties as father and son. From now on, we're enemies. I won't let you get away with this!"
Hearing this, my father's face turned deathly pale, and his body trembled uncontrollably.
Xiaoying was about to stand up, but seeing that I had already walked out the door, she didn't bother to get up and crawled onto my leg, pleading,
"Husband, I beg you, I really don't want to leave you..." I broke free from Xiaoying, turned around, and left, the sounds of Xiaoying crying and calling my name echoing behind me.
Chapter Four—Self-Questioning
After walking downstairs, I let out a long sigh and looked back at the lights. The living room light was still on; perhaps my father was comforting Xiaoying. Thinking of this, my wife being comforted by another man, I gave a bitter smile. Sigh, at this point, I had no intention of turning back. Xiaoying, our fate has finally run its course.
I arrived at a hotel and rented a room. Lying in bed, I didn't want to move at all. Even though I knew I'd be facing even more of Xiaoying's tears tomorrow, I couldn't sleep at all. My mind kept replaying Xiaoying's various faces from the past eight years: the happy Xiaoying with me, the Xiaoying crying while watching Korean dramas with me, the Xiaoying sad after our arguments… These images kept flashing through my mind like a movie. Yes, these past few years have been Xiaoying's memories. Every time I came home, Xiaoying would have prepared delicious meals, and Hao Hao would be asking when his dad would be back, saying he was hungry. When did things start to change? This family is broken. Xiaoying no longer belongs to me; she won't be with me for the future.
I thought of Hao Hao. "What about Hao Hao? What will happen to Hao Hao? He's so young and already has no complete family. But is it really right for Hao Hao to force things to continue like this with Xiao Ying? I can't stay at home forever. What if Hao Hao sees Xiao Ying and his father's shameful affair? Even if he's too young to understand what it means, Hao Hao will grow up eventually. The hurt will be even greater then. And can I tolerate Xiao Ying's endless revenge and betrayal? Xiao Ying will eventually abandon me and choose her father. What's the point of me staying here and prolonging my life?" Tears streamed down my face.
"Haohao, I'm sorry. It's not that Dad doesn't want to give you a complete family, it's just that Dad really can't take it anymore. This family will only bring me endless pain. I'm afraid I won't be able to bear it in the future and will eventually kill my father and Xiaoying, which would hurt you even more. So, I have no choice but to let go. But don't worry, Dad will still come back to see you often. You are Dad's good son, and Dad will miss you for the rest of his life." "Mom and Dad, I still have to choose to leave this city. I'm sorry I can't take care of you two anymore. You two have given me so much. You two have taken such good care of a young man from the countryside like me. I will always remember it. Even if Xiaoying and I are divorced, you two will still be my parents. But I really can't choose to stay any longer. Staying here hurts my heart so much. I'm afraid I can't bear it. I will come back to see you two. I definitely will." Looking at the hotel ceiling, the soft warm light combined with the soft glow illuminated me. I kept recalling my guilt towards Haohao and my parents-in-law, but my determination grew stronger and stronger. Perhaps this is my retribution. Because I caused this, bringing Xiaoying and my father together, God is punishing me. I've lost my family, my wife, I can no longer see my lovely child, and I can't face my parents-in-law who have been so kind to me. Because of my choice, I've lost everything.
At this moment, I hate my father. I hate him for being so determined to win Xiaoying's heart. Wasn't having her body enough? He even cooperated with Xiaoying to take revenge on me. You are my father! To win Xiaoying's heart, you disregarded everything, even risking your life. Did you ever consider me? You took Xiaoying away; what am I supposed to do? What about Haohao? Does Haohao have to call me "Dad"? I hate you! You're a beast!!
Thinking of this, anger and sorrow surged within me. I sat up and pounded my fist against the wall, bright red blood flowing continuously from my wounds. Pain shot through my body from my hands, but the pain in my heart was even more intense than the pain pressing on my hands. I screamed, then collapsed back onto the bed, exhausted. The wounds on my hands were still bleeding, but I didn't want to pay attention. I felt that only when all the blood drained would I feel better, only then could I relinquish the blood he had given me, only then could I make the final decision to kill him! I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep.
...
A knock on the door interrupted my sleep. I groggily woke up. "Sir, hello, I'm a staff member from XX Hotel. A customer reported hearing pounding sounds coming from your room. Are you alright?" I shook my head, feeling a little dizzy. I looked at my hands; the blood had already scabbed over, but the remaining blood had formed two large, bright red circles, staining the white sheets—a somewhat gruesome sight. The knocking continued.
"Sir, are you alright? Please answer, sir..." "I'm fine. I was resting. Please stop knocking."
Hearing my voice, the knocking stopped. "Okay, I'm glad you're alright. Sorry to disturb your rest." "It's alright. Also, could you please ask the housekeeper to clean my room? I've soiled the blankets; could you please ask her to change them?"
"Okay, please wait a moment. The housekeeper will come back to clean in a bit." The footsteps faded away. I looked at the walls and the blankets, a wry smile on my face. I should have asked her to change my room.
Ten minutes later, the knocking sounded again. "Hello, do you need your sheets changed?" I opened the door, and a woman in her forties or fifties stood in the doorway, her face showing signs of weariness. "Yes, could you please change my sheets?" The woman responded and came in. Seeing the two bright red marks on the wall and the bloodstains on the sheets, her expression changed slightly. She turned around, saw my hands, and her expression returned to calm. Without saying a word, she turned to get the sheets to change. I sat down, thinking about how to talk to Xiaoying tomorrow. I had no clue what to do, and Xiaoying probably wouldn't agree. What should I do? Separate from Xiaoying and then get a divorce? Two years is too long.
Just as I was pondering this, my aunt's voice came: "Young man, there's no need to hurt yourself. Your body is still your own."
Startled by her sudden words, I paused. She ignored me and continued, "Young man, if you have troubles, talk to them. Instead of hurting yourself, think about how to better solve the problem. Hurting yourself only hurts those who care about you."
"Those who care about me? Do I still have any?" I said with a bitter smile. It turned out I did have people who cared about me, but I'd lost them all. My aunt seemed surprised by this and then said, "You think you don't have them now, but that's just because you haven't seen them yet. And even if you don't, life goes on. Go look for them; you'll find them eventually. Just like a problem, you always have to solve it." At that moment, the blankets were changed. As my aunt was about to leave with the changed blankets, I stood up and said to her, "Thank you." She ignored me and simply left with her things.
I sat back down. Yes, no matter what, I have to solve it, even if it takes two years. I went outside and found a pharmacy to have my wound bandaged. I went back to the hotel to rest.
Chapter Five – The Decision
The next day, I woke up at 11 a.m. After getting dressed, I called Xiaoying. The phone rang three times before I answered. "Honey, where are you?" Xiaoying's voice was anxious and flustered. I ignored her and asked, "Where are you now?" "I'm at home, honey. Where are you? Can I come pick you up?" "No need, I'll be home soon. Wait for me at home." Hearing that I was going straight home, the phone went silent. I didn't say anything more. After a while... A moment later, a voice came through the phone: "Honey, I'm waiting for you." Then the phone hung up. There was a sense of despair in the voice. I felt something was wrong. I was afraid Xiaoying might do something else. After thinking for a while, I took a taxi to the daycare center and called my mother-in-law. I told her I wanted to take Haohao home so Xiaoying and I could take care of him for a while. My mother-in-law was very happy to hear this and thought it was a good thing for Xiaoying and me, so she agreed. I went to the daycare center and picked up Haohao. Haohao was very happy and kept jumping around.
When I got home, Xiaoying wasn't there, nor was my father. Just as I was about to call Xiaoying, she opened the door and came in, carrying groceries. Her face was pale, and her pupils were bloodshot. When Haohao saw Xiaoying, he ran over and hugged her, saying, "Mommy, Mommy, hug me."
Xiaoying hadn't expected me to bring Haohao, but when she saw him, she dropped the groceries, hugged him, and tears streamed down her face. Seeing this scene, my heart ached, yet I felt a sense of relief. Haohao, seeing his mother crying, anxiously asked Xiaoying what was wrong. Why was Xiaoying crying? Xiaoying looked at Haohao again and said, "Mommy's okay. It just feels like it's been so long since I've seen Haohao. Mommy's so happy to see Haohao." Haohao looked at Xiaoying, hugged her again, and said, "Mommy, you forgot? We just saw each other last week. Mommy, you have a bad memory."
"Yes, Mommy's memory is bad. Mommy bought a lot of groceries. Mommy will cook something delicious for you, okay?" "Okay, I really want to eat Mommy's cooking." Xiaoying looked at me again. "Honey, have you eaten? If not, I'll cook for you, okay?"
I wasn't planning to stay any longer and intended to leave right after talking to Xiaoying because I really didn't want to stay any longer. But seeing Xiaoying's teary-eyed look, I couldn't bring myself to do it and nodded in agreement.
Haohao enjoyed the meal very much. I made all the things that Haohao and I like to eat. I didn't have much of an appetite, and Xiaoying didn't eat much either. Xiaoying saw the bandage on my hand and wanted to ask me what happened. I glanced at her, and she opened her mouth but didn't say anything. After the meal, I let Haohao go back to his room for a nap. Xiaoying also cleaned up and sat back down at the table. I gestured for her to sit down too. Seeing my expression, Xiaoying sat down with a slight tremor.
I took out the cigarettes I'd bought that morning, lit one, and said, "What's your decision?" Xiaoying ignored me and asked, "Why did you bring Haohao along?" "Nothing, I just wanted to have a meal with Haohao and you one last time." This was the last time, I sighed inwardly.
Xiaoying looked at my face; her body was still trembling. She opened her mouth, but didn't speak.
I took a drag of my cigarette, smoking quickly. I never used to smoke, thinking cigarettes were bad for your health, but recently I've discovered that cigarettes are a good thing; they can help me relieve some of the pain in my heart.
"What's your decision?" I asked again.
Xiaoying's body suddenly trembled violently, then she stopped and said in a hollow voice, "I will not agree to a divorce. I won't divorce you."
I stubbed out my cigarette, took out another one, and lit it. Because I smoked too fast, I choked and started coughing violently. When Xiaoying saw this, she immediately prepared to stand up and come over to check on me. I raised my hand to indicate that she couldn't come over, and she hesitated for a moment before sitting back down. After I finished coughing, I stubbed out my cigarette and looked at her, saying, "Xiaoying, why do this?"
"..."
"You know that our love will disappear sooner or later, and you will eventually fall completely in love with your father. Why do you keep me here?"
"..."
"Honestly, I could file for divorce right now, but there's no need. It wouldn't be good for your reputation. Although I won't interfere with your future, we were husband and wife, and I want you to be happy." Xiaoying still didn't speak. I sighed and advised again, "What's the point of you keeping me now? You have two men in your heart, Xiaoying. I know you. I know you'll eventually choose divorce because you're a willful person. When you know everything, you'll want to possess them. But I can't go on like this. It hurts me, and it will hurt Haohao in the future. Why can't you minimize the harm?" "
..."
"I really don't want to get involved with you and Father anymore. I told him yesterday that I'm severing ties with him. I've chosen to let go, so why can't you do the same?" I looked at Xiaoying, still refusing to speak. I had no choice but to take out a cigarette again, ready to light it, when Xiaoying's voice came through: "Don't smoke. You don't smoke. Don't hurt yourself anymore." Hearing Xiaoying's words, I smiled bitterly, ignored her, and lit the cigarette. Right now, it was the best medicine to ease the pain in my heart.
Seeing that I ignored her, Xiaoying slowly said, "Honey, I thought about it for a long time last night. I really don't want to leave you. I truly love you; I haven't fallen in love with my father. I only used him as a remedy to relieve my sexual desire, and I only loved the pleasure he gave me. I never thought about spending my life with him. The only person I've ever loved is you. You could say my father was just a tool for me, and you are my lover." Hearing Xiaoying's words, I was silent for a moment before asking, "Xiaoying, are you sure you haven't fallen in love with your father?" Xiaoying seemed surprised by my question, but immediately replied, "Honey, I really haven't fallen in love with him, I..."
"But that's impossible!"
I interrupted Xiaoying, saying, "I already told you yesterday, if you didn't love him, you wouldn't have worn a wedding dress for him. Remember how you always said it was the last time? But was that ever truly the last time? Can two people who love each other endure the pain of not seeing each other forever?"
I took a deep drag of my cigarette. "Xiaoying, you're just deceiving yourself. You say you don't love your father, but that's just because reality and my influence prevent you from admitting it. You already have a shadow in your heart—your father—otherwise, you wouldn't have done so many things..."
「我只是想报复你啊，」
小颖突然打断我，哭着大叫道：「我只是想报复你啊，我只是希望你能爬起来，打我一巴掌，然后揍着父亲让他滚啊！」
小颖抱着头，哭泣道：「我希望你爱我，不是看着我和父亲啊，可是你呢，你为什幺没有站起来，喝醉了？那只是你的借口，你为什幺没有站起来啊，为什幺没有给我一巴掌啊，为什幺你从头到尾没有过来夺走我啊。」听着小颖吐出的真心话，我觉得很悲伤，我们似乎总是错过，总是越走越远，我希望那场一张梦。一场小颖不可能在我面前表现的梦，而小颖，她希望我能站起来，重新夺走她，哪怕是这样做可能会彻底失去我，她还是希望我能去夺走她，可是呢，我们还是错过了，我的懦弱和不敢相信，小颖的希望和期盼，我们都在背道而驰。
Looking at Xiaoying crying, I knew she had been taken away. From the moment she put on her wedding dress for her father, from the moment she and her father slept together so passionately, from the moment she chose revenge against me and was willing to do anything for her father, I had lost her. Her heart already held her father's image, and I would eventually disappear completely. I felt we should bring this to a close: "Xiaoying, let's get a divorce!!!" Chapter Six—A Temporary End
I thought my heart was numb, but when I heard Xiaoying express her hopes, I realized my heart could still hurt. When I uttered those final words, my heart felt like it was being torn apart; the pain intensified. I breathed heavily, as if only this could alleviate my pain. Xiaoying's cries grew even more heart-wrenching.
Time passed amidst Xiaoying's sobs. My breathing gradually calmed down. I stubbed out my cigarette, lit another one, and looked at Xiaoying again. My hand involuntarily reached out and stroked Xiaoying's breast. I knew this was the last time; I didn't want her to cry like this. Feeling my touch, Xiaoying gradually stopped crying, raised her head, placed my hand on her face, closed her eyes, and smiled, as if she were experiencing happiness. I didn't speak, just looked at her, time passing.
Time seemed to stretch on forever. Looking at Xiaoying, I knew it was time to end it, and softly said, "Xiaoying, let go. Go pursue your own happiness. I'm not the one who can bring you happiness, and neither is your father. You're still young, you still have a chance to find your own happiness. Go find a man who can bring you happiness. I'm a coward, but I hope you can be happy."
Xiaoying ignored me, just holding my hand to her cheek, motionless, but the smile slowly faded. I knew Xiaoying would make her own choice. In the past eight years, I've understood her well, and I knew she would always make her own choice. That's why I love her. I love seeing her stubborn face, her smiling face, her crying face—all those different faces make up the Xiaoying I loved. But I've finally lost her; it's my own sin.
Xiaoying ignored me; her smile vanished, replaced by anger. She gripped my hand tighter, her nails digging into it, blood slowly seeping from the wound. I remained still, simply placing my hand on her face, watching my blood smear across her skin. Suddenly, Xiaoying opened her eyes, biting my hand. Her gaze was filled with anger and a hint of regret. I didn't pull my hand away; I felt the pain was insignificant compared to my sins, but it offered some relief.
Blood dripped down Xiaoying's face onto the table. The anger in Xiaoying's eyes slowly faded, replaced by regret. Tears began to fall again. She slowly released my hand, pressed it back to her face, and murmured, "Why, why won't you believe me? Why have I become this kind of woman? When did I become like this? Hurting my father-in-law, hurting my husband, destroying my family... Why? Why didn't you come and take me away from the beginning? Why, why..." Seeing Xiaoying like this, my heart ached unbearably. I was the one who caused all of this. I made Xiaoying this kind of woman. Why didn't I make things clear to Xiaoying from the beginning? Sigh, there's no going back in life. Since this has happened, I have to face it. Taking a deep breath, I said to Xiaoying again, "It's all my fault. I caused all this. I destroyed our family. Xiaoying, you can blame everything on me. You can hate me, but I hope you find your own happiness. I will leave this place and never appear in your life again. Take care of yourself, don't stay with your father anymore, and find a good man to marry."
"Do you know what happiness is for me?"
Xiaoying raised her head and asked again, her eyes shining with happiness. "I just want a husband who loves me, children I love, and a harmonious family. Whether we're poor or rich, I just want to take care of them and live like this for the rest of my life."
At this moment, Xiaoying's eyes darkened again. "But I lost all of this in an instant. Right when my father-in-law and I opened the door, right when I lost everything for my father-in-law, I lost my husband, I lost a beautiful family. But..." Xiaoying suddenly looked at me resolutely. "Husband, I'm telling you, I will not agree to a divorce." "I don't care what you do. I won't get a divorce."
Looking at Xiaoying like this, I felt helpless. She still hadn't let go, hadn't let go of her obsession. So I had to make my final decision: "Xiaoying, since you still won't let go, I have no choice but to file for divorce. See you then." After saying that, I stood up. Xiaoying saw me stand up but ignored me, only muttering again, "I won't get a divorce, I won't get a divorce..." Back in the room, Haohao was still sleeping. Looking at his sleeping face, I was very reluctant to leave. I wanted to take Haohao with me, but Haohao had to stay with Xiaoying, because this was the last safety net for Xiaoying. With Haohao there, Xiaoying wouldn't try to kill herself. After I left, she would still have to pull herself together to take care of the child and the elderly. Besides, Haohao was easy to take care of here. It wouldn't be good for his growth if I wandered around alone outside with him. For now, I'll leave him with Xiaoying and her parents. I'm at ease with them taking care of him. After I've settled down in another city in two years, I'll let Haohao choose for himself.
After thinking it over, I took out my large suitcase, which I hadn't used in a long time, and started packing my things and clothes. There was no place in this house I felt attached to anymore; the person I cared about had already chosen someone else, and the things I cherished were no longer needed. Looking at these clothes, I realized that Xiaoying had picked them out for me. Every single piece of clothing carried Xiaoying's scent. I really wanted to leave them behind because I was afraid that wearing them would break my heart. But in a new place, I wouldn't have enough clothes, and I was only planning to take 60,000 yuan with me, so I needed to be frugal.
After packing, I took out the remaining 320,000 yuan from the bank after withdrawing 60,000 yuan today and placed it on Xiaoying's bedside table. I returned to the living room, where Xiaoying was still sitting there, muttering something. I ignored her and walked to the door, ready to leave, when Xiaoying suddenly hugged me. The sound of crying reached me again: "Husband, I beg you, please don't leave me, it's all my fault, please leave me, okay? You can do anything from now on, just don't leave me, I beg you..." "Let go, Xiaoying,"
I interrupted Xiaoying, "We need to face everything. I'm not the one who can give you happiness. Leaving each other is not good for either of us."
"No, I only want you, I only want you not to leave me," Xiaoying cried.
Xiaoying's tears soaked my clothes. I knew that if we didn't stop now, staying would only cause pain for both of us. Xiaoying was just unable to bear the sin of loving someone else and destroying her family. She wouldn't let go of me, just like grasping at a straw. But Xiaoying would eventually realize it, and by then, the pain for both of us would probably have reached an unbearable level. I hardened my heart, broke free from Xiaoying, opened the door and left. Xiaoying tried to grab me, but it seemed that I had hurt her when I fell, and she couldn't stand up. I quickly left the house without looking back.
Chapter Seven – Leaving
After going downstairs, I picked up the phone and contacted Leng Bing Shuang: “President Leng. I’m preparing to leave this city now. I’ve finished talking to Xiao Ying. Go see her now.” “How is Xiao Ying?” Hearing that I was leaving, Leng Bing Shuang’s voice became even colder. “Wang Jingcheng, where is Xiao Ying now?”
“Xiao Ying is at home. Go see her yourself.”
“You’re planning to leave now? Aren’t you afraid Xiao Ying will commit suicide?” “It’s alright,” I said, looking at the sky. “Hao Hao is at home. This is the safety lock I left for Xiao Ying. She won’t go there with Hao Hao by her side. She can’t let Hao Hao lose both his father and mother at the same time. Also, please take good care of her. I’m leaving now and can no longer take care of her.” “Losing both at the same time? Wang Jingcheng, what do you mean? You’re not planning to come back?” Hearing me say this, Leng Bing Shuang asked suspiciously. “I will come back. I need to put an end to things with her. Goodbye.” After saying that, I hung up the phone. Only one person was left to see.
Once I reached the island, I walked along the road, knowing he would be here. He had nowhere else to go but here. I reached the door, pushed it open, but he wasn't there. I sat on a bench, took out a cigarette, lit it, and slowly smoked it, extinguishing one only to light another. When I finished my twelfth cigarette, my father appeared. He looked surprised to see me, then said somewhat flusteredly, "Jingcheng, you've come to see me." I ignored him and continued smoking. When I finished, I turned to my father and said, "Are you my father?"
My father looked puzzled by my question, but I ignored him and continued, "You are my father. Have I done anything unfilial to you? I brought you here to take care of you, hoping you could enjoy your retirement. Is this how you treat me? Taking my wife's body wasn't enough; you wanted to take my heart too. How could you face me?
How could you face my deceased mother?"
Hearing these words... Questioning him, my father's face was grim. He slowly said, "Jingcheng, I know I've wronged you, but you know me too. I'm a man. At first, I could control myself, but I couldn't. Later, I really did treat Xiaoying as my wife..." Before he could finish, I couldn't hold back anymore. I stood up and punched him. "She's your daughter-in-law! Have you ever thought about me? What father in the world would do such a thing? Are you planning to make Haohao call you father? Ah, I really didn't expect to have such a father. You're really insatiable! You want Xiaoying's body, and Xiaoying has those needs too. I, this bastard, have tolerated it. It's my own inability to satisfy her. Why do you insist on Xiaoying being your wife? Have you ever thought about your own son? Have you thought about my deceased mother?"
I punched him repeatedly in the face until he was covered in blood. I stopped hitting him and said:
"You're not my father, you're scum, a beast. I will never treat you as my father again, and don't go see my mother again. You don't deserve to see her. If you dare to go, I won't let you go." With that, I turned and left.
Carrying my luggage, I went to see Attorney Zhang again. After exchanging pleasantries, I told her my plans. Although she had drafted a divorce agreement for me before, she was still somewhat surprised. She advised me to think it over carefully, after all, we'd been married for so many years, why let some things ruin it? She asked if I needed to reconsider, because since it was a unilateral divorce, she knew Xiaoying would definitely disagree, and I was leaving with almost nothing, so she felt there was still hope for us. I was very grateful to her, but I told her I had thought it through and wouldn't consider anything else. She had no choice. I wrote a power of attorney and told her that if Xiaoying refused to divorce, she should handle the divorce according to the two-year separation agreement, and I would return in two years. She asked how to contact me, and I told her I would return in two years and not to contact me at any other time. (There's a small bug: I don't know if the person filing for divorce needs to appear in court for the first time, and I'm unclear about how the two-year separation period is determined, so I'm just going to proceed this way. Please forgive me.)
At the train station, I picked up my ticket back to my hometown, boarded the train, and looked at the scenery along the way. My heart couldn't find peace, because I was going to see another person, someone who could bring me warmth, but I was also afraid to see her because I hadn't taken good care of my father, and now I was giving up everything to leave. I was terrified of seeing her, but I had to see her, because it was my sin.
Back in my hometown, I found a hotel to stay in, without disturbing the villagers, and I didn't go to my ancestral home. I didn't want to go there, because that was where my father used to live, and now that place disgusted me. The next day, I bought some offerings and returned to that place that brought me warmth yet also fear. I knelt down, kowtowed, and said, "Mom, I'm sorry! It's my unfilial son who hasn't come to see you for so long. I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." I couldn't hold back anymore; tears streamed down my face, and I cried loudly. Only here could I cry like this.
After crying for a long time, my legs ached. I stood up again and looked at my mother's grave. I hadn't been here in a long time. Except for when my father was still in our hometown, when I would come to visit every year for Chinese New Year
, I simply didn't have the time. After we brought my father here, I didn't come at all. I felt so sorry for my mother. "Mom, I know you'll blame me for not coming to see you properly all these years. Hao Hao is so grown up now, and I haven't even come to take my grandson to let you sweep your grave or anything."
I lit incense and placed it in front of the grave, and said softly, "Mom, I'll come back to see you often from now on.
In a couple of years, I'll bring Hao Hao to visit you too." "Dad, I won't let him come here again. He's a beast. He ruined my son's family. I hate him. I gave him everything I could. Why did he have to take Xiao Ying's heart? Why? He doesn't deserve to be my father."
I hate him, but I can't kill him because he's my father, and his blood still flows in my veins. But I won't see him again; I'm afraid I won't be able to resist killing him. I hate him, but Hao Hao can't have a murderer as a father. I'm afraid if I do, Hao Hao will grow up amidst gossip and slander. Mom, you wouldn't want Hao Hao to grow up like that, would you? So for Hao Hao's sake, I will endure it, I will endure it.” After saying this, I didn't speak again. I sat by the tombstone, leaning against my mother's grave, as if leaning against her. The sky gradually darkened, and I looked at my mother's gravestone again, softly saying, “Mom, I'm leaving. This place is suffocating me. Father's image is everywhere. I hate Father. I don't want to see him again. I want to leave. I'll come to see you again in a while.” After saying this, I patted my aching legs, turned, and left.
The next day, I returned to Harbin and headed to Taiping International Airport. I took out the plane ticket I had already bought to Lincang. I was already exhausted from living in Harbin all these years and planned to stay in a place with a mild climate all year round to relax before finding a job and settling down. I didn't know where to go. A colleague had traveled to Lincang before and said that life there was quite good. I also planned to go there and see if it suited me, and if so, settle down there.
There was still some time before departure, and I didn't know what to do. I just sat blankly on a public bench, watching the busy people. They were all busy living their lives here, and it seemed like I used to be like that, always busy. I thought about what I was doing all that time. I just wanted to make my family better, for my parents to have a better old age, for my children to have a better starting point, and for Xiaoying not to have to work so hard, always trying to please clients, working overtime and traveling for business. I just hoped they could live a better life. But now I've lost all of that. I made these decisions, and I have to take responsibility. I wasn't in a hurry. I knew I was about to leave and start over in this city that was now suffocating me.
There were 20 minutes left before the plane took off. There was a family next to me. The child was making a fuss about wanting snacks. The mother told him that he would have dinner later and that she would give him snacks after dinner. Because he didn't get any, the child had a sad face and was very unhappy. Suddenly, the father whispered something to the child, and the child instantly became happy. I looked at them and envied them. I used to have a family like that, but now I don't. I can only envy other people's families.
Just then, the phone rang. It was Leng Bing Shuang calling. I hesitated for a moment, then answered, "Hello."
"Are you really planning to just leave?" Leng Bing Shuang asked in an icy voice. "If you leave now, you'll only lose everything. Have you thought about your in-laws? Have you thought about Hao Hao? What about Xiao Ying? Are you going to leave her to support the whole family alone?"
Hearing Leng Bing Shuang's words, I felt helpless. I didn't intend to leave Xiao Ying to support the whole family alone. This was also stipulated in the divorce agreement. After I was settled, I planned to send Xiao Ying a portion of money every month so she could get through this period comfortably. Even if Xiao Ying didn't agree, I would still continue to send the money. Xiao Ying couldn't possibly take care of the whole family:
"Leng Bing Shuang, you're with Xiao Ying. You should have seen my divorce agreement. If you have, you know what my plans are."
"You think money can solve everything? Is money all Xiaoying and the others want?" "Then what do they want? Me at home? I'm sorry, I can't be in that house. I can't stand it. I'm afraid I'll kill Xiaoying. Leng Bing Shuang, you're a woman, and I understand your sympathy for women, especially since Xiaoying is your best friend. But I also hope you can understand me. I made this choice after careful consideration. Also, I hope you won't help Xiaoying look for me. Thank you." Hearing this, Leng Bing Shuang sighed, said nothing, and simply hung up. I pulled out the SIM card, tore it off, and threw it in the trash.
Before boarding the plane, I looked at the airport again and softly said, "Goodbye, Harbin. Goodbye, Mom and Dad. Goodbye, Mom. Goodbye, Hao Hao. Goodbye, Xiaoying!" After saying this, I turned and boarded the plane.

[The End]

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Xiaoying, a married woman, and her father

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