Perfect Extramarital Sex

page views:1 Publication date:2023-03-23

"I became addicted after enjoying perfect extramarital sex."
My husband and I dated for a year and a half and have been married for just over six months. We met during our graduate studies. He's a typical straight-laced STEM guy; aside from giving academic presentations, I didn't see him have any other hobbies. When we were dating, we were quite innocent, often doing assignments and discussing research topics together. Occasionally, if we talked late, he would insist on walking me to my dorm and would rarely let me stay out overnight. We discussed this topic before marriage, and I said I hoped to save those wonderful nights for after marriage. He understood, saying that girls should protect themselves. This is why I always thought that not having sex with me before marriage was his respect and restraint. But who would have thought that after marriage, instead of worrying about daily necessities, I would be troubled by sex? Looking back now, as a couple, my husband has never initiated any intimate gestures with me. Let alone sex, we've never even had any "borderline" sexual behavior.

Actually, not long after we got together, he was transferred to another city for work. For more than half a year, we were in a long-distance relationship and had almost no opportunity to contact each other. Because his family was pressuring him to get married, the older generation hoped to see their grandson married soon, so he applied to be transferred back to his hometown, and we got our marriage certificate. About a month after the wedding, he was working overtime every day because of a new project, and I didn't pressure him. Occasionally I would flirt with him, but he always refused, citing pressure and lack of interest. Later, he wasn't so busy anymore and came home on time every day after work. I thought he should have some free time now, but I didn't see any interest in that area. Since he wasn't proactive, I thought I could try to flirt with him myself. I didn't have much experience, so I could only research online. To arouse his desire, I even bought a set of silk pajamas. I changed into them while he was showering, posing on the sofa waiting for him. When he came out, he just said, "Why are you dressed like that? Go put on some clothes, you'll catch a cold!" and then went straight to the bedroom to sleep, leaving me alone in the empty living room.

I really want to ask you about this: is there something wrong with him? Does he not love me at all, or does he have some hidden physical ailment? This has been weighing on my mind for a long time, and I'm incredibly frustrated right now. By the way, we've actually had some intimacy lately, but he seemed very tense and perfunctory, finishing very quickly, as if he just wanted to get it over with as soon as possible. And it was my first time, yet I was the one in control; I doubt any woman in the world has been as miserable as me. After this, no matter how much I hinted, he ignored me. I've truly given up now. Expecting a good sexual experience from my husband is like hoping pigs fly. No matter what I do, he won't give me any response. Also, I have a very good friend who's very outgoing and often meets up with people online for flirtatious encounters. But she manages to keep it all under wraps, and her relationship with her husband is still great, which I find hard to understand. However, after listening to my tearful complaints, she suggested that if I didn't want a divorce, I should find someone else to satisfy my needs. At first, I was resistant, but the thought of my husband at home made me a little tempted. Through her introduction, I had my first casual encounter with a mature and stable unmarried man. My friend told me she had already confirmed the safety beforehand and that I shouldn't worry. That night, the three of us had dinner together. She made an excuse and left early. Because I'd had a few drinks, he insisted on taking me home. My husband wasn't home that night, so I let him come upstairs. As expected, we had sex. I truly enjoyed the sexual experience and the feeling of being a woman. It was a comfort and stimulation I'd never experienced before, like a void in my heart being filled.

After taking him downstairs, I came back and cleaned the room three times, even spraying air freshener. I was afraid my husband would find out; I still felt guilty in front of him. We met up several more times afterward, all after my husband rejected me. Gradually, I learned to be passionate outside the home while remaining calm at home, and my husband didn't notice anything amiss. But as time went on, I became conflicted. I felt I'd made a mistake; had this become an addiction to infidelity? Although I knew the other side was just for show. If I were to divorce him, I didn't want to leave my husband. But if we stayed together, my husband couldn't give me a satisfying sexual experience. I feel like a slut right now, suffering every day. So, I want you to help me analyze what's wrong with my husband and whether I should continue this marriage. Please help me analyze this; I've been holding this in for so long, and it's really painful.
First

, the first question is, what exactly is his problem?
Is it a physical issue, some hidden illness, developmental problems, premature ejaculation, or kidney deficiency? He could get checked out to see if his physical condition is normal. Or is it a psychological issue, perhaps he experienced some trauma in his early years, some past trauma that's causing his inability to function? Or is his sexual orientation different from what you think, that he's not interested in women and is only with you to cover up his inability to continue the family line? Or are there other reasons? You need to find out for yourself. As for dressing up and striking provocative poses now, honestly, it's not very useful. Because if he were a normal man, you wouldn't need to put in this effort; he would pounce on you anyway. These actions and clothes only serve to add a little extra spice. If your man is fundamentally flawed, no matter how much you flirt, it's like casting pearls before swine.

And later, you didn't delve deeper into what was wrong with him; he just couldn't perform. Actually, without your best friend's shortcut, I think you might have gone a little further, and perhaps you would have known what was really wrong with your husband. Then you would have clearly understood what choices you should make. But unfortunately, your best friend showed you a path to a fulfilling sex life without divorce. This path, well, you might have had fleeting thoughts about it before, but morally, you couldn't accept it. But when your friend personally proved to you that women can not only be successful outside the home but also maintain a comfortable and harmonious relationship with their husbands at home, living a blissful life, you accepted it without question. Because you thought, why can she do this while you have to endure this repressive life? Furthermore, having someone who has already experienced it makes it seem natural, without any guilt.

You downplay this as just a fling, but that's just an excuse. You're implying that you only get sex outside the marriage and won't develop any real feelings or have any dramatic love stories with any other men. In other words, you think your heart is still at home, with your husband. That's just self-deception. Whether it's for sex or love, it's still infidelity, there's no inherent superiority or inferiority, don't try to confuse the concepts. Besides, bringing men home shows you've completely let yourself go.

Furthermore, why don't you want a divorce? He can't provide you with sexual experiences, and with such poor sexual performance, there won't be much emotional connection. He can't provide you with emotional value, so these two aspects can be ignored. What's left are the mundane realities of daily life, and the shame of divorce. If it's because of financial reasons—your standard of living would plummet without him—then I advise you not to play with fire. Have some self-respect. Need him on one hand, yet disgust him on the other—are you trying to make him a sucker? Return to your family promptly. If you can tolerate it, great; if not, get a divorce. Stop playing innocent and blaming your infidelity on his sexual performance. If you're ashamed of divorce and people will gossip, don't you think being caught cheating is even more shameful? Is there anything more humiliating than being exposed for cheating?

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