Life is really cruel

page views:1 Publication date:2023-03-23

In Diqing, there's a lake called Bita Lake. Every May, azaleas bloom in profusion along its shores, showering the lake with countless petals. Schools of fish swim by to feed on them. Azaleas contain neurotoxins; the fish become dizzy after eating them, floating belly-up on the surface, their drunken state quite endearing and charming—hence the name "Azalea-Drunken Fish." I think it's so beautiful. The azalea petals fall, and the fish keep eating. After they've finished, countless fish of all sizes are completely intoxicated, floating on the surface, occasionally lazily wagging their tails, looking very content.

At night, the lakeside is bathed in dazzling moonlight, its surface shimmering. A large bear from the forest sneaks onto the lake to catch fish—he's the poisonous rhododendron. He's the bear that ate me. I hugged him, looked into his eyes, and whispered, "Why?" He said, "Why what?" I said, "Just now...why?" He said contentedly, "Why what? No reason! Don't give me that intellectual nonsense! I just wanted to make you happy!" I said, "How could you stay down there for so long?" He said, "I wanted to." I said, "You know what? My husband has never licked my genitals, he thinks it's dirty." He said, "Doesn't he know women like to be licked?" I said, "Don't say that about him, ah~" He said, "Fuck! He's such an idiot!" I said, "Don't be so rough." He said, "I am rough! He's just a stupid idiot! He has such a good wife and he doesn't lick her, but his wife is out there for others to lick, lick until he peees." (He thought I had involuntarily urinated during that moment. Incontinence is incontinence, who cares what it is!~) He put his arms up and stopped hugging me. I wiped the damp sweat from his armpits, and I even got up and kissed the sweat from his armpits. After that, I didn't feel disgusted by anything. People are strange. He lit a cigarette and smoked it absentmindedly. I said, "Okay, let's talk about something else. Are you thirsty? I'll get you a glass of water?" He took a drag, looked at the ceiling, then at me, and blew the choking smoke hard in my face. I didn't flinch, nor did I blame him. He gave me a wonderful feeling; I was more than grateful. Thinking about it afterward: the fact that I could tolerate such insulting behavior shows that a woman in love has an IQ of only 3; a woman over 30 has an IQ of zero. He seemed to want to say something to me, but his lips moved and he didn't say anything. It probably wasn't anything nice. I asked, "Hmm... is it good?" He said, "Where?" I said, "You're so annoying~" He pretended to be innocent and continued to ask, "Where is it good? What's good?" I said, "My lower part." He said, "Hey! I feel sorry for you when I think about it!" I asked, "What's wrong now?" He said, "No matter how I explain it to you, you won't understand. You'll never understand, you'll never experience it." I said, "Try to describe it to me." He said, "Hmm, your lower part, it's the fattest abalone I've ever eaten in my life. It's pink, bright, and juicy. Licking it and sucking on it is soft, moist, plump, and slippery." I said: "Why does it sound like burnt pork slices?" He asked: "It's really pretty much the same." Have you ever licked any woman's pussy? "I said: "No. He asked: "Have you ever licked your own pussy?" I smiled and said, "Am I enough for me?" ! He said: "It's over, it's still true." "I said: "What's still'? He said: "I am not a fish, how can I know the joy of fish?" "I said: "Okay, okay. Let me take a bite. "He took a sip of the filter, then kissed me. When our lips touched, he spit the smoke into my mouth, then pinched my lips and ordered me: "Swallow! "The invisible supernatural hand "held" me. I sucked it in and swallowed it obediently. The spicy smoke came out of my nostrils, and at the same time I choked with tears. I looked at the devil in front of me through hot tears. After that, I felt like I was hypnotized, and I obeyed whatever he did to me. The muscles on his face relaxed and he said: "Hey, let's be serious. I said, "Hey, do you have anything serious to say?" He asked: "That is." Were you comfortable just now? "I nodded. He said, "Speak." I said, "Yes." He said, "Express." I said, "Comfortable." He said, "Your expressive ability is really strong." I could tell he was being sarcastic. I said, "I really don't know how to say it. I've never summarized it." He said, "Try using some other words to describe it." I said, "Yes. My body feels light. It's so hot." He said, "Where is it hot?" I said, "My face is hot. My heart is beating really fast." He said, "Haven't you talked to your husband about how you feel?" I said, "No. He never asks me." He said, "Tsk tsk, a lazy bum marrying a beautiful woman, what a waste. Such a beautiful flower, pfft! It's stuck in a big pile of hot dung." I smiled, "Ugh, that's disgusting." Although I said that, I was really indignant for myself. I'm not bad looking, and I maintain a good figure, why did I have to hang myself on that deadbeat for the rest of my life?! He asked, "Have you ever been 'eaten' by someone before?" I said, "No, never. I told you, my wife thinks it's dirty. I've never been with anyone else. With you, this is my first time..." I couldn't find the right words for a moment. He continued, “…Betrayal?” I nodded, simultaneously stung by the harsh word. Yes. I had betrayed my sacred marriage. I was talking about my husband with another man. I was naked, discussing my feelings with my lover. This was 100% betrayal. He comforted me, saying, “These days, there are very few men who haven’t served in the military.” For a second, I didn’t understand. When I did, I punched him. He grabbed my hand and kissed it. He said, "Really. You have to believe it. What era are we living in? Not being a soldier is practically not being a real man!" I said, "Alright, alright. What about you? Veteran or new recruit?" He said, "I'm a veteran! I'm a seasoned veteran. I was only sixteen when I first joined the army, damn it! What kind of world is this!" I asked, "Did your girlfriend run off with someone else?" He said, "Yeah. It was her fault! For her, I got into a fight with a bunch of thugs and ended up in a brothel. I was convinced she was waiting for me outside. Hey! When I came out, I saw..." I said, "Tell me! Don't keep me in suspense." He said, "I went straight to her house. I missed her so much! I was dying to see her. When I got to her house, she was having sex with her teacher!" I said, "That's not right. So what did you do?" He said, "My eyes were bloodshot, I grabbed a baseball bat and rushed in." I asked, "Did you get aroused?" He said, "Yeah." I said: "So you went back in again?" He said, "Of course!!" I asked, "Was that your 'first time in the army'? How many times have you been in?" He said, "Fuck! Many times!" I said, "Just pick one and tell me about it." He said, "My third girlfriend, to be honest, she was really beautiful, big, big, fleshy, and felt amazing to touch. She just had terrible menstrual cramps. I even found her a job. She wanted to work in a hotel lobby, and I arranged it for her. Hey! A couple of days later she called me, moaning as she spoke. I said, 'What's wrong? Menstrual cramps again?' She said it was nothing, she just wanted to talk to me, she just wanted me to know that she was in a room with a supervisor, being fucked from behind, you hear it ... I looked at him with heartache, touching his arm. He, too, was a man suffering under the same sky. I looked into his eyes. He looked into mine, and we remained there, locked in a silent, staring contest. Suddenly, tears welled in our eyes, for our respective wounds. He changed the subject: "You know what? The sound you made just now was so beautiful." He had enlightened me, opened my eyes to something beautiful. He had shown me the joy of being a woman. How could I possibly leave him? I whispered, "It's so embarrassing to be eaten like this..." He said, "No, you look beautiful being eaten, your face is flushed, and sweat is sticking to your forehead." I said, "The wild feeling is really good." He said, "It can get even better in the future. The best days are yet to come!" I said, "Thank you for letting me have another feast. I will always remember it." He said, "Damn, what kind of feast is this? My God! You've really been wronged in this life." I said, "I also feel wronged. After meeting you, I feel like I wasted all those years before. I've let myself down." He said, "You bet! It's good that you woke up. Nevertoolate..." In my ecstasy, I didn't realize that I had already taken the first step on the road to the underworld. By the way: I wrote this at the Bridge of Helplessness, before drinking the soup~~ I'll continue the story below~~ Sweat secreted layer after layer. The sticky sweat tightly bound me. It was so uncomfortable that I got out of bed and went to the bathroom to take a warm shower. It felt so good when I came out! I was soaking wet, with water droplets hanging from my body. He quickly grabbed a dry towel to dry me off, gently saying, "Be careful, don't get chilled. Catching a cold is awful." He carefully shook out each strand of my long hair, meticulously drying it. It all felt like a dream. Everything was so unreal—too good to be true—being so attentive to him made me feel like a little princess. This was a completely new experience for me. I'd never enjoyed this kind of treatment since elementary school. After we got married, it was always my husband showering, me preparing his change of clothes, him making phone calls, and me squatting beside him washing his dirty underwear. My husband was absolutely waited on hand and foot. I've endured it all these years! I feel so guilty. I always try to understand him, thinking he's tired from work. I never realized I was living without any dignity! After drying me off, he pulled me, naked, back to bed. I gazed at him tenderly. He spread my legs again, his eyes wide, and thrust into my genitals once more. I pulled him close to me, and I took his genitals in my mouth, greedily licking and sucking them, like a refugee who had just escaped a disaster area grabbing a hot sausage. The sausage was indeed warm, but...I just couldn't get an erection. At first, I didn't think much of it. I teased him, "Hmm...you know what? I really...really miss you..." The lazy afternoon sun slanted in. We lay on this sinful bed, completely naked, our four arms and four legs intertwined, like that painting of Fuxi and Nuwa mating. He peeled a piece of chocolate and put it in my mouth, then casually chatted with me, waiting for the heat inside me to melt the chocolate. He said, "I love seafood. I can't get enough oysters. I love all kinds of delicious food." I said, "You've given me so much happiness." He said, "That's right!" I said, "And..." He said, "That's right!" I said, "I've become bad." He said, "That's right!" I said, "It's all your fault." He said, "That's right! I take full responsibility, haha~ Tell me, how did you become bad? How bad?" I said, "I've become... sexually active." He asked, "How so?" I said, "Now I have to do it once a day. It's all your fault. You bad guy, you dragged me into this." He said, "The women I like." I asked, "Why?" He said, "No reason. I just like them." I said, "I don't like doing it myself." He said, "Why? Isn't it satisfying?" I said, "Well... it's comfortable, but..." He said, "But what?" I said, "But... afterwards I feel really lonely, especially sad." He said, "I know. After a woman has slept with someone, she really wants someone to hug her." I hugged him and said, "You know what? I haven't had any sexual desires for a long time, but recently I've had them again." He said, "Your body has returned to normal." "I said, 'Yeah, and it seems pretty strong, really.' He said, 'Congratulations.' I said, 'This isn't a good thing.' He said, 'Why isn't it a good thing? You're a normal person, you crave a normal life, and you have the right to enjoy a normal life.' I said, 'My life with my husband isn't normal.' He said, 'It's incomplete too. Is he having an affair?' I said, 'No.' He said, 'Don't be so sure. Anything is possible.' I said, 'I can't be so sure about other things. But he really hasn't done this. He leaves work on time and goes home. He goes to work on time, and I manage his salary. He doesn't have a secret stash. He simply doesn't have the opportunity to commit an act.' He said, 'You and your husband are separated?' I said, 'Yes, for five years.' He asked, 'How did things get so bad?' I said, 'Our relationship has always been quite tense. He doesn't talk to me. I don't really talk to him either. We've separated; he sleeps in the small room, and I sleep in the big room. We don't interfere with each other.'" I couldn't be bothered to argue with him. He said, "You're doing this wrong. You're wasting your precious youth." I said, "I don't want it to be like this either, but maybe he's just naturally introverted, unlike you, who's got a silver tongue." He said, "It's not about being introverted or extroverted. If you can't get along with someone abroad, just divorce! Damn it! Why waste time?! Who are you wasting time on? You're wasting time on yourself!" Hearing this, my heart skipped a beat, and my whole body trembled, like I'd been hit in the back. I said, "I haven't talked to that bastard in five years as much as I've talked to you." He said, "Doesn't he know women love to chat? Damn it! You're a piece of shit! Divorce him! I'll marry you!" I said, "Okay, okay. Let's not talk about this anymore." He said, "You'd rather live like this for the rest of your life, right?" I said, "Heh, I can't divorce him." He said, "Why not divorce him? What's the point of living like this?! Life is short! Damn it!" "If you're unhappy, then leave!" [Emphasis on "then"] I said, "Heh, it's impossible to leave. It's not that simple." He said, "Why? Will you die if you leave him?" I said, "Sigh~ My parents' health isn't good, they can't take any more stress." He said, "Here we go again. Are you living for your parents?" I said, "No... Listen to me, since I met you, I've actually wavered..." He said, "Waveds are good! I'll waver again!" I said, "Oh... you're bad..." He said, "A thirty-seven-year-old body is a beautiful body. You should dare to try new things." I asked, "How do I try? What should I do?" He said, "Just let nature take its course." I said, "I'm conflicted. I want surprises, but I'm also afraid of things turning out badly." He said, "We all need privacy and security; but if everything is watertight, there's no chance to release anything. What do you think?" I said, "Being completely defenseless is foolish." He said, "Yes. But if you close your door tightly like a seashell, there's no chance for development. It's a double-edged sword." I said, "Now there's a married woman who looks forward to seeing a big bad guy every day, looking forward to being eaten by him, looking forward to being taken advantage of by him. Don't you think this woman is very foolish?" He said, "Yes, but that bad guy is also foolish, he can't do anything all day, his mind is full of thinking about finding a married woman to eat abalone." I smiled and said, "You're all sweet-talking? Huh?" He said, "The juice on my lips is sweeter than honey! What is love in this world? Answer: Being a masochist." I asked, "You think missing someone is being a masochist?" He said, "Of course." I asked, "You think eating my genitals is also being a masochist?" He said, "Of course. You thinking of me is being a masochist. Love is being a masochist. When you're being a masochist and the other person doesn't reciprocate, you're sad and unbalanced." I said, "People are really strange. Sometimes, I really want to lean on your shoulder and chat with you until dusk." He said, "You want to be a jerk with me until dawn? Heh~" I said, "Yeah! I'm leaking again down there~" He picked me up, carried me to the dining room, laid me flat on the large dining table, and started licking my wet pussy, trying to suck out all the juices. My sticky, aroused secretions mixed with chocolate juice, flowing out continuously [So that's why that stinky intellectual loves looking at Baotu Spring? He can never suck it all out]. He casually grabbed the salad dressing bottle from the table, smeared salad dressing on my naked, fleshy "big oyster," and then knelt down on my vulva, greedily licking it. His bad hands touched me, Touching me, rubbing my stomach, kneading my mouth. The still water, which had just calmed, was now rippling again. A married woman, naked in broad daylight, lay on the dining table, being licked and touched by her lover. The overhead light looked down on this adulterous couple with pity. The overhead light was the gaze of a student, an intern, a stranger. I saw myself standing barefoot on the empty stage, surrounded by darkness, with only a single light shining on my body from above. I was wearing a semi-transparent nightgown. The theater was packed, the red velvet chairs filled with... Social elites and dignitaries. A man appeared behind me, tall, strong, aloof, his face indistinct, dressed in a black leather jacket and gloves. He slowly embraced me from behind, touching me. I slowly began to feel an impulse. All the audience members were intently watching my performance. I closed my eyes, tilted my head back slightly, feeling extremely exposed and embarrassed, but I couldn't move; my feet seemed nailed to the stage floor. I could only let him touch me. The theater was silent. The man inside opened... He started licking and teasing me. I was so excited. Hundreds of spectators watched as the man repeatedly, gently, and mischievously touched, licked, and teased me. I couldn't contain my excitement... Under the gaze of strangers, I... My lower back arched high, ten centimeters off the table, frozen in mid-air, trembling violently. I was a capsized, wrecked ship, a stranded, dying whale. For a long, long time, the whale finally lay back down. This time, it was completely dead, lifeless. He finally stopped, looked up, and asked, "Was it comfortable?" He always cared so much about my feelings! Could it be that God sent him to my side to compensate for my husband's years of indifference and neglect? I answered in a trembling voice, "Comfortable... How about you? Did you feel anything?" He said, "Of course." I asked, "What did you feel?" He said, "Excited." Suddenly, I really wanted it!! I really wanted his cannon to hit me hard! I smiled and said, "Did your penis move?" "As I spoke, I reached down to touch his genitals, and he instinctively dodged my hand. I thought he was playing a game with me, so I kept grabbing. After a few quick grabs, I caught it, and my heart sank! His penis was still limp! Soft and lifeless. How could this be? What happened to his huge penis? Was it because he was overindulging in sex? Or was I not attractive enough to him? Could it be that he had just slept with another woman before our tryst? He really understood my thoughts. Our hearts were so in sync. But why wouldn't God let his penis stand up? I looked at him questioningly. His eyelids drooped, and his eyes slanted, trying to avoid my gaze. I asked, 'What's wrong? Don't you feel anything?' He was a little embarrassed and said, 'No! I didn't sleep well last night, and I'm a little tired today.' I said, 'Oh, it's okay.'" "That's what I said, but a thick gloom still hung over me. What was I after when I cheated? It was purely for animalistic release, for sexual satisfaction. If he had any physiological problems, what was the point of all this scheming, anxiety, and sneaking around?! He added, 'There's just too much going on at work…' I said, 'Oh, if you're tired, go to bed early.' He said, 'Okay.' I couldn't help but say, 'At your age, you shouldn't be in that situation…' This probably hurt his pride. He said, 'You don't know how hard it is for men! Women have it easy, they just lie here, spread their legs, and they're satisfied. But men? Men have to go out and work hard to earn money, then come back to lick women, suck women, penetrate women, do sit-ups and push-ups. Pure, boneless, and always have to hold their heads up? Do you think I'm made of iron?' I said, 'I'm sorry, I'm sorry, that's not what I meant. What I really meant was… Hey, I don't mean it!'" He said, "Everyone's clamoring about 'women's difficulty in finding sex'! That's all bullshit! It's men who have a hard time finding sex! Men are the disadvantaged group." II know that if a man overindulges in sex, he'll become impotent. I know he has other women besides me. He's not my husband, I have no right to restrict his relationships. Of course, what he said earlier makes some sense. Men have it tough too. I whispered, "Okay, okay, you weakling, hug me for a bit." He pulled me into his arms and smelled my hair. I silently savored the feeling of being held by my beloved, feeling his body temperature, his breath, the scent of his sweat and warmth. I didn't know what to say, and I didn't want to open my mouth. Just like that, the two of us quietly hugged for a while, and I should be perfectly content, right? Suddenly, tears welled up in my eyes again. How many years has it been since I've been pampered? How many years has my body been barren?! I finally got out of town, and this love is so unexpected! Why does God have to torment me like this? He quickly noticed my tears. He kissed the corner of my eye, trying to kiss away my tears. I closed my eyes and tilted my head back to meet his lips. I found him. We kissed naturally. But the more I thought about it, the more heartbroken I became; the more I kissed, the more tears streamed down my face. All I was looking for was the pure contact of flesh against flesh, the friction of mucous membranes against mucous membranes—yes, satisfaction. But how could I, a respectable married woman, have fallen to this state?! He gently patted my back, like comforting a lost girl. But he couldn't truly comfort me. He stroked my hair, gently scratching it, trying to relax me. Hmm, that felt somewhat comfortable. He massaged my back with his rough, large hands, then massaged my feet. I was completely relaxed, my whole body tingling, feeling light and blissful. After enduring years of a cold marriage, I was actually fortunate enough to receive such treatment. I so wished he could finally get hard and erect again, but he… My beloved, whom I finally found! You won't stay like this forever, will you? When will you regain your strength? When will you be able to get aroused with me? He casually said, "By the way, I haven't asked yet, what does your husband do?" I said, "He works at a meat processing plant." He looked slightly nervous: "Huh?!" I said, "Are you scared? Hehe." He said, "Scared? It's not that I'm scared. The thing is, I'm so confused! How could you marry someone who works at a meat processing plant?" I said, "It's profitable. My family was a bit strapped for cash back then, and my parents weren't in good health, going to the hospital every few days, so..." He said, "So you ended up living with someone from the meat processing plant?" I said, "Strip away the romantic veneer of marriage, strip it away, and life reveals something crueler than you imagine." He said, "Like mixed hemorrhoids?" I said, "Go away! Ugh~"

【over】

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Life is really cruel

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