Transgender Beauty in the City

page views:1 Publication date:2023-03-24

I. A Glimmer of Night
The 2015 stock market crash once again thrust the Chinese A-share market into the eye of the storm, drawing
fierce . Those experts who had once predicted a 10,000-point drop suddenly vanished, replaced by painful reflections and
online jokes like "The greatest heroes are those who buy stocks for the country." However, in my opinion,
those who still have the leisure to offer their criticisms are somewhat detached from reality. In this crash, no less devastating than the 2008 crash
, those who lost everything, even their lives, have long since either taken to the rooftop or descended into hell. With only
a breath left, they have no time to offer their opinions. Take me, for example. I'm now mentally and physically exhausted, just one step away from the abyss
.
As a diligent and hardworking post-80s generation individual in my job, I've been in a daze these days, each day feeling like
a dream . At the beginning of the year, under my girlfriend's strong encouragement, I invested all my savings in the stock market, which was said to create miracles.
Six months later, I personally experienced this miracle, but the price of the miracle was that it wiped out
all the ideals of a young man who should have continued to move forward.
"Risk, risk, you always talk about risk. Do you even love me? Do you even want to marry me? We're both thirty years old
, and with the little money you have, you can't even afford a down payment on a house. What do you have to talk about loving me with!"
Walking like a lost soul in the bustling night, I often recalled the words my ex-girlfriend Lingling had used to encourage me
to take the risk . Actually, I don't particularly blame her. In the atmosphere of national frenzy at the time, combined with my
delusion as a poor second-generation and her, who was once the class beauty, to spend my life together, I can only blame the inherent inequality of life
and my own cowardice exposed in the face of unrealistic fantasies.
In fact, neither Lingling nor I wanted to see the final outcome of going back to square one overnight. In the eleven months since the beginning of the year
, watching our assets shrink, we have had our share of heated arguments. A week ago, having finally cut my losses
and recovered my last bit of savings, on that historically significant day, I slapped
the goddess I'd worshipped for years across the face.
"You good-for-nothing! You only have this little bit of money left, and you still say you love me! What are we going to do now? Are
you still going to marry me? What happened to your promises and your bullshit ideals?! I was
blind ever thought of entrusting my life to you!"
"Let's break up! Go find someone else, my family and I can't afford to be near you!"
*Slap.*
To this day, I still think this might be one of the few bold words I uttered in my not-so-successful life. But
I also know that behind this nonchalant attitude lies the helplessness of having to let her go. After all, with Lingling's beauty, even
at over thirty, she still has no shortage of suitors. It's better for me to let go than for us
to continue tormenting each other with this poor guy with no future.
It was deep winter. Gazing at the brightly lit skyscrapers, watching the pedestrians heading in different directions in the cold wind,
and looking at the record I'd kept—the one showing 98,250 yuan in my account—I realized this was
all the wealth I had left. That day, I moved out of the apartment Lingling and I had rented. To escape the misery at home, I
temporarily moved to a cheap hotel costing around 100 yuan.
Lying on the damp hotel bed, smoking the only 8-yuan Hongtashan cigarettes I could afford, with a bucket of
Master Kong , I thought about how I was already thirty years old and now had to start all over again. I wanted to open Baidu Tieba
and pretend to be a rich and handsome guy to make some fun of myself, but with my phone in my hand, I simply didn't have the energy for such self-deception. Just
then, the phone rang. The caller ID wasn't Lingling, whom I hadn't contacted for days, but
my mother, who was far away.
"Ma Le, how's work going lately?"
"Fine..."
"How are things going with Lingling?
" "Fine..."
"I have a question for you."
"Hmm..."
"Do you have 3000 yuan? I can borrow it. I'll pay you back next month."
"Mom! Did you gamble it all away again? It's only been a few months since I borrowed from you last time. Why are you borrowing again?"
"Mom went to gamble. I recently saw an investment product and I'm short a few thousand yuan..."
"Do you think I'm a three-year-old? You always make up excuses, but in the end, you still go to gamble! Have you forgotten
why Dad and you separated? It's been so many years..."
"Okay, okay, if you can't lend it to me, fine. Don't mention that bastard. If it weren't for that vixen
... Waaah... Now even my own son despises me..."
"Alright, alright, I'll transfer it to you via WeChat! Use it sparingly!" "
Don't be as heartless as your dad. You're living the high life in the big city while your own mother is suffering in the countryside."
"Okay, stop talking. Do you want it or not?"
"Okay, transfer it to me, as soon as possible."
Just as my mother was about to hang up, I could even hear another woman in the background
calling her name for an upcoming card game. Actually, this wasn't the first or second time she'd made up various excuses to borrow money from me. Five years ago, it
was her gambling addiction that ultimately drove my father away, something I still can't easily forgive.
But sometimes, thinking about her current situation—laid-off factory worker, barely making ends meet with her small shop, her son
working in a big city but with no future in sight, the loneliness of having no one around creating immense pressure—I
feel sorry for her, and even hate myself. Frankly, if I could earn enough money, these problems
would naturally disappear. But now, with no savings and a lost girlfriend, even with this unreliable mother, I don't know
how I'll face her in the future.
That night, after transferring the money to my mother, I lay silently in bed, pondering for a long time. Every little
detail is etched in my heart: Lingling's initial expectations and eventual disappointment, my mother's constant hopes for me and
her self-indulgence, my father's increasingly blurred figure and rare smiles—all these images flashed through my mind like a
revolving . I knew I had no right or time to grieve in silence, but my long-dormant eyes betrayed me, and
tears, which probably no one would pity, streamed down my face.
The next morning, I, who had never been late before for fear of being penalized,
arrived . Fortunately, everyone from my superiors to my colleagues knew how diligent I was, so no one
gossiped about my lateness. As the saying goes, busyness is the best medicine, and that day I worked even harder than usual,
afraid that I would overthink things if I had time to relax. Throughout the day, Lingling still didn't contact me. I admit I was a little...
I couldn't help but want to contact her, but I was too embarrassed to do so, so I tried to distract myself with working hard.
I've never been so afraid of leaving work, because I'd feel lost, and even more afraid that the silence of being alone
would make me think of Lingling again. Perhaps I really am a cowardly man who can't bring
himself to be ruthless, because loneliness and worries about the future make the long nights unbearable. Fortunately, I still have a sliver of reason, knowing that I'm
like , and whoever gets involved will be in trouble.
On a winter's night, I, who never dared to indulge in extravagance, wandered aimlessly until I noticed a
small bar with a dim glow by the roadside. I was so troubled at the time that, as if possessed, I walked into
a bar for the first time in my life. The bar wasn't far from the small hotel where I was staying, and the shabby facade had
the words "Sisters Bar" written in dim light.
"Maybe after a couple of drinks I can go back and sleep right away..." With a slightly nervous yet expectant
feeling, I pushed open the bar door and began another chapter in my life.
The bar was small, but thankfully quite clean. From the simple stage to
the mere eight tables, it seemed to scream "cheap," perfect
for a poor guy like me who wanted to drink but was afraid of spending money. When I entered, there were only two or three groups of customers at the eight small tables
, and the bar's staff consisted of just a female server and
a male bartender sitting behind a small corner counter.
"What would you like, sir?" The rather cute-looking female server
immediately approached me after I sat down.
"Three Carlsbergs, please." Looking at the drink menu, I knew that beer was all I could afford
. In my limited knowledge, I'd at least seen Carlsberg commercials on TV.
"Please wait a moment, sir." The waitress smiled politely at me and turned to leave. To be honest, her
service was surprisingly good. If Lingling had been even a little bit more polite to me, we probably wouldn't
have ended up like this.
After a while, the waitress brought over three bottles of beer, and I took the opportunity to point to
the .
"Do you have a live singer here?"
"We don't usually hire live singers. The female owner sometimes
sings a couple of songs to liven things up when it's crowded."
"How many owners are there?"
"There are two female owners. The one who usually performs is our youngest owner, Coco."
"Oh, so... there won't be a live singer today?"
"I'm sorry, sir, she's not coming today. If you want to hear some music, come back tomorrow night at 8 pm.
Coco will be here then."
"Okay... thank you..."
Originally intending to drown my sorrows in alcohol, I felt a little disappointed seeing no singer performing, so I just silently drank while playing
on my phone . Fortunately, I'm not a big drinker; after two bottles of Carlsberg, I was already feeling a bit tipsy
. In my hazy state, I noticed that the only female waitress here was slim and cute,
and occasionally glancing at her added a little fun to the gloomy night.
About an hour later, I had finished three bottles of alcohol. This rare moment of bliss, a feeling I had once a year, actually
felt wonderful. But just as I was about to check out and leave, heading back to my little hotel for a good night's sleep, Lingling suddenly sent
me a WeChat message.
"I've finished moving my things, you can come back tomorrow. The rent is due in a month, and
I've already had the agency return my deposit. It's up to you whether you renew the lease or move."
Seeing Lingling's message, regardless of the content, I couldn't help but call her,
only to hear "user's phone is switched off." I wanted to send her another WeChat message immediately, but holding
my phone, I hesitated to type.
Thinking it over, what could I possibly say? We'd already broken up. Even if I were poor, could I really bring myself to blame
her for taking away my several thousand yuan deposit? Since it was impossible to get back together, there was no need to argue about
these petty things and add to each other's troubles.
"Three more Carlsbergs, please!" With a bitter smile, I simply chose to continue drinking; after all, alcohol was
the only .
In a hazy state, I recalled every moment with Lingling, from my unrequited love in college to the miraculous success of my confession just before
graduation . From our shared hopes for the future when we first entered the workforce to
our gradual indifference under the pressure of reality, from the trepidation and persistence when we first invested in the stock market to our falling out when we almost lost everything. I
hated Lingling's pragmatism, but I hated my own uselessness even more.
My memories shifted from Lingling to my parents. Images flashed through my mind in reverse chronological order,
including my mother's increasingly severe gambling addiction in recent years, my father's sudden departure five years ago, their fierce arguments at home a
few years , and the loving smiles they gave me when I was little.
"Sir, sir, we're closing."
When I heard the waitress's soft announcement, I suddenly realized I had fallen asleep.
I glanced the clock at the bar entrance and saw it was already one in the morning, which immediately woke me up. The
waitress's bright eyes were looking at me with a puzzled expression, but thankfully she didn't seem to mind that I had
slept there for so long.
"I...I'm sorry...I didn't realize I had fallen asleep." I quickly gathered my clothes and took out
two hundred-yuan bills, placing them on the table. "Sir, are you alright? I was crying in my sleep." The waitress asked considerately
as she gave me my change . "I'm sorry, please excuse me, I'm fine." I was even more embarrassed quickly put on my coat, left the bar, and at one in the morning, walked through several quiet streets, groping my way back to my place in the dark. The next day after work, I returned to the home I shared with Lingling. Although it had only been nine days since I left home, it felt like a lifetime had passed . Opening the door, I was unsurprisingly greeted by the stark emptiness left by Lingling moving her belongings out. The warmth and life she once provided had vanished. The beautiful memories we shared, and the stark reality , instantly made me understand the meaning of being reminded of someone by familiar objects, and the depth of unbearable sorrow. I sat silently on my bed, lit a cigarette, and absentmindedly scrolled through my WeChat Moments.

Looking at my friends who were so much luckier than me, everyone seemed to be showing off their happiness. It wasn't until then that I
noticed that just two days ago, Lingling had posted on her WeChat Moments. A photo of her with a handsome guy,
accompanied by the caption "Holding hands and growing old together," struck me like a hammer blow.
"A perfect match, a perfect match, haha... not bad, at least she's found her place... hahaha
..."
That night, finally free from having to stay in a cheap hotel to avoid Lingling, I suddenly realized that after years of
struggling for my ideals, I didn't even have a single good friend to drink with at night. These past few years
of living a life of routine might have prematurely aged me, making me a true loser, adrift from
the core of this world.
"Excuse me, sir, the female boss isn't here today. If you want to hear some music, come back tomorrow night at eight o'clock.
Coco will be here tomorrow." I glanced at my watch; it was only seven o'clock. Thinking about having to spend a
long night alone, and with tomorrow being Saturday, I suddenly remembered what the bartender had said last night.
After calculating the money in my pocket and considering that it was only a half-hour walk from here to the bar, I decided to
go to that small bar with reasonable prices again tonight. No matter how basic the bar's facilities were,
hearing someone else sing was much better than wallowing in self-pity. Anyway, I was already all alone
, so why should I care about spending a couple of drinks?
Half an hour later, when I pushed open the bar's curtain again, the first thing I saw was a
small blackboard at the entrance that read, "Sexy singer Coco will be performing tonight at 8 PM." Perhaps because someone was performing tonight,
seven of the eight tables were already occupied, and the simple little bar was a bit more
lively .
"Sir, you're here again." As soon as I entered, the cute-looking waitress, who looked quite young,
smiled at me. It seemed that my sleeping in the bar last night, and even crying in my sleep, had made
her remember me quickly.
"Excuse me, I'm bothering you again tonight. Three bottles of Carlsberg, please." In recent years, apart from Lingling
, I haven't experienced a young woman smiling at me, making me feel a little embarrassed.
"It's alright, sir, you're too kind. My name is Xiaojing, please call me anytime if you need anything."
After leading me to the last empty seat, the waitress named Xiaojing smiled sweetly and went to greet other customers. I
shook my head with a wry smile, thinking that this waitress named Xiaojing was really cute.
Not long after I sat down, a tall, slender woman with long, straight black hair, dressed in black, walked onto
the small stage. She held a guitar in her hands, seemingly unconcerned about the customers below, and began to sing.
Her voice was slightly husky, very much in the style of Tian Zhen, but she looked only in her early twenties. If
she was the owner of this place, she was quite accomplished for her age.
"You said...you have nothing, how can we grow old together? I said...I'm covered in wounds,
how can stay by your side for life? You said...you're in the world, where danger lurks everywhere. I said...I've seen
through the world, my life is like a walking corpse...ah...how can we not be together? At least
we can walk hand in hand to our graves."
The simple guitar melody paired with the melancholic lyrics, coupled with the husky voice of the female singer named Coco
, immediately filled the bar with an atmosphere of sorrow. Some customers continued chatting and
drinking, while others were quickly drawn in by the song. As for myself, I quickly became one of the latter.
The subtle chill in the lyrics struck my fragile heart once again.
"Walk hand in hand to our graves...what kind of experience could write such lyrics...
" I, who rarely listens to original songs, was quite surprised and savored the meaning of the lyrics.
The first song ended quickly, and the female singer, without even glancing at the audience, began her second performance.
However, from the second song onward, the original songs were replaced with
more melancholic ballads like "Don't Leave Me," "If This Isn't Love," and "Heartbreaking." Whether original or adapted from famous songs,
the overall tone remained one of repression and anguish. The female singer's long hair, which covered half her face, and her all-black attire
, combined with the dim lighting of the small bar, continuously created a somber atmosphere.
She sang eight songs in total, then stood up. Amidst sparse applause,
she attempted to leave, only to find one of the male customers already standing beside her.
The man made a barely audible gesture, and the female singer silently nodded. The two then
slipped behind a curtain beside the small stage. Meanwhile, I had just finished three bottles of Carlsberg and
called Xiaojing to my side. "Is Miss Coco not singing anymore?" I asked Xiao Jing,
who was still immersed in the singing and wanted to order two more bottles of beer . "Coco only sings seven or eight songs a day. She's the owner here and doesn't get paid for singing, so she doesn't want to tire herself out." Xiao Jing replied politely after placing the two bottles of beer on the table. "Okay, thank you. Your boss sang very well." Although I was quite disappointed by Coco's departure, I still managed an understanding smile. "Coco performs about two or three times a week. We hope you'll come and visit often, sir." Xiao Jing smiled politely at me, probably already used to customers who enjoyed Coco's husky voice. Then, amidst the greetings of other customers, she turned and left. It was already past ten o'clock at night, and fearing I would fall asleep again, I decided to finish the last two bottles and then leave. As Coco left, the bar emptied out, and soon only a middle-aged , each drinking our last drops of solitary liquor. Just as I was about to finish my last drink, the man who had gone through the small curtain with Coco finally emerged, and Xiao Jing immediately slipped inside. About five minutes later, Xiao Jing emerged again , walked over to the other two remaining middle-aged men besides me, and whispered a few words to him. The middle-aged man seemed pleased and immediately stood up and went through the curtain next to the stage. Although I found the two men's coming and going strange, being naive, my first thought was that regular customers could go in and chat with Coco. Out of fear of loneliness and the sadness in Coco's songs…

A touch of pity crossed my face. I called over Xiaojing, who was clearing the table, paid her for the drinks, and then asked,
"Excuse me, what are these guests doing behind the curtain?"
"These two are regulars." Taken aback by my sudden question, Xiaojing's professional smile vanished
, replaced by a hint of panic. Her answer didn't directly resolve my doubts.
"Regulars can go backstage, right? If I come here often enough, can I go in too?"
Still confused, I continued with my silly question.
"Well… it's hard to say. But you have to pay again to go in… and I'm not sure
if you're suitable to go in, sir…"
As Xiaojing continued her hesitant reply, even though I wasn't entirely sure, the combination of the simple bar, the
nighttime singers, the regulars gathering backstage, and the fact that regulars had to pay again to go behind the curtain—
even someone as clueless as me could—made me vaguely guess the answer. Strangely enough, I wasn't particularly
excited , nor did I think the little bar was a den of iniquity. But when Xiaojing said I wasn't suitable to go in,
I suddenly felt a surge of anger—an anger at being looked down upon.
"Is it because I cry while drinking, and only drink Carlsberg, that people think I
can't ?" The negative emotions of the past few days suddenly erupted under the influence of alcohol, and I
jumped up from my seat, glaring at Xiaojing with displeasure.
My loud outburst not only startled Xiaojing but also attracted two other people. One was
the young bartender who had been mixing drinks for customers in the corner, and the other was a voluptuous young woman who
came out from behind a small curtain next to the stage.
"Sir, you don't understand our place. The area behind the curtain might not be suitable for you, but it has nothing to do with
how much money ." The woman looked to be in her early thirties, her tone calm yet authoritative.
Judging from her stepping between Xiaojing and me, the woman seemed to hold a higher position here.
"Why isn't it suitable for me? Because I'm poor. Because I've shed tears. I only know that Miss Coco's lyrics
are very good. Whether you're covered in wounds or a walking corpse, I think the lyrics mean that everyone should
continue to live strong." Seeing the rather beautiful young woman bravely standing in front of Xiao Jing, I
felt like I was the villain here. Although I was still arguing, I regretted
my bad attitude earlier. "Some things can't be said outright. I just hope that you won't get involved in this mess
without knowing the situation ..." At this moment, not only the young woman was standing between me and Xiao Jing, but even between me and the curtain, the rather young and handsome bartender also stood next to the young woman, glaring at me angrily. As the only male employee in this bar, I believed that if I escalated the situation further, he would probably take action against me. After a stalemate of less than ten seconds, something unexpected suddenly happened. A burst of cursing erupted, and the middle-aged man who had just gone behind the curtain stormed out, pulling up his pants as he swaggered out. "What a piece of trash! Just a transvestite, how many men have fucked her asshole? And she's still pretending to be innocent with me!" The man's shouts startled everyone present. The young woman's face immediately contorted, and ignoring me, who seemed even less threatening, she rushed forward with the bartender. "Mr. Zhang, isn't my Coco always your favorite? Why are you so unhappy today?" The young woman gestured for the bartender to go behind the curtain and check on Coco, while she tried to appease the middle-aged man with a professional smile . "Hmph, I've asked her three times already, and today she's telling me she's tired. I clearly paid for this, why shouldn't a transvestite let me fuck her ass!" "Yes, yes, you're right, Coco is just too stubborn sometimes, I apologize on her behalf." Hearing the middle-aged man's constant insults about transvestites and assholes, a hint of anger flashed across the young woman's face, but she still smiled apologetically and made way for the middle-aged man to leave. "Joey is so considerate, next time I come I'll fuck your cunt, hahaha." Faced with the young woman's professional reassurance, the middle-aged man, whose face seemed to have been scratched a few times, was in a slightly better mood and then walked towards the bar's door. Just then, the young bartender who had gone to check on Coco suddenly rushed out from behind the curtain, angrily shouting from afar, "Sister Qiao, don't let him leave! He did everything but didn't pay!" Hearing the bartender's angry shout, Qiao Yi and Xiao Jing's expressions changed drastically. The middle-aged man immediately abandoned his previous arrogance and, taking advantage of everyone being behind him, quickly walked towards the bar's entrance. "They're clearly a bunch of transvestites, frankly, not even human. So what if I'm having fun with you for free? Having fun with you is doing you a favor . If you piss me off, I'll call the police!" The cursing middle-aged man was about to reach the door when he suddenly noticed another man blocking his way. Although this man wasn't quite sure what was going on, he had been harboring resentment for days and had nowhere to vent it . He especially disliked this fat, arrogant middle-aged man. This man was me. "I only know that no matter high or low, no one should be bullied by a bastard like you, you son of a bitch!" Before the middle-aged man could react, I slapped him across the face, making him stagger. "You little punk, you dare hit me..." The middle-aged man covered his face, his expression changing from arrogance to utter fear. "That's what I'm doing! Why do you look down on working people! They also earn their living through hard work, do you think you're so great just because you have a little money!" Before the middle-aged man could stand up, I slapped him again, hitting him squarely on the other side of his face. "Okay, okay... stop hitting me... stop hitting me..." The middle-aged man completely cowered this time, kneeling on the ground in front of my fierce face , completely losing his previous arrogance. "Hmph! Remember that!" I finally vented my anger, glancing at the astonished Joey , Xiaojing, and the bartender, while casually putting on my coat. Having been suppressed by reality for many years, I had almost forgotten what it meant to be a man of courage. Now, this belated outburst filled my chest with boundless pride. "My name is Ma Le. Please remember my name next time you come." Seeing that the situation had calmed down, I flaunted my power to everyone behind me, emboldened by the alcohol.

What I didn't expect was that just as I turned to leave gracefully, the middle-aged
man, who had already backed down, suddenly grabbed a nearby bottle and smashed it over my head while I wasn't looking. With
a the bottle shattered, and the man shoved me aside and fled. I felt a rush of blood to my head
, and my already weak body swayed violently.
"Hahaha, looks like even pretending to be strong is this hard… I'm really… a complete failure…"
Before , I vaguely remembered laughing at myself. In my hazy state, Xiaojing and the young woman, Joey, seemed
to be running towards me.
I slept soundly without dreams; the combined effects of the alcohol and the injury brought a rare deep sleep. It wasn't until dawn
that I opened my eyes and found myself lying in an unfamiliar room. The room was small, containing only
a bed and a dressing table. Looking around, it was clear this was a bedroom, and
judging from the warm-colored sheets and the various cosmetics on the dressing table, it was definitely a woman's bedroom.
"You're awake~" Just as I was staring blankly at my bandaged face in the mirror, the bedroom door opened
, and Xiaojing, a waitress from the Sisters Bar, entered. Her eyes clearly
showed concern.
"Looks like I passed out here last night… I'm sorry…" Realizing I should have been taken care of by the
bar staff all night, and thinking about my drunken antics the night before, I apologized profusely to Xiaojing.
"It's alright. After what happened, Mr. Zhang probably won't dare call the police and cause trouble for our place anymore.
So we should thank you; at least you protected us in another way."
Only now did I truly observe this cute, young girl before me. At this moment,
Xiaojing was wearing a loose pink sweater, her long, flowing hair cascading over her shoulders.
Bright eyes framed her round face, and her small nose and mouth accentuated her cuteness. Xiaojing was of average height and well-proportioned, her thighs and hips,
encased in jeans, outlined healthy curves. Outside of work hours, she exuded
youthful energy.
"You're such a weirdo, sleeping here twice in a row, each time for longer than the last, and now…
you're even sleeping in my bed!" Although we'd only known each other for two days, after last night's incident, Xiaojing
didn't seem to dislike me. She sat on a round stool by the bed, smiling broadly at me.
"I… I'm still quite embarrassed, after all, I've caused you trouble, sleeping here."
For years , apart from Lingling, I hadn't been this close to such a cute girl, and I immediately felt awkward
. I must admit, while Xiaojing isn't as beautiful as a big star, she's undeniably cute, and her
sweet temperament and youthful energy are infectious.
"We should apologize...you got a head injury last night, and we should have taken you to the hospital. But
we're always reluctant to show our faces in public, so Sister Qiao and I decided to treat you here first." Xiaojing
said, checking the bandage on my head. Seeing the bleeding had stopped, a look of relief appeared on her face.
Hearing Xiaojing's apology, I fell silent. Her words clearly implied that
the women likely sold both alcohol and sex, hence their reluctance to appear in public for fear of being arrested.
Suddenly, I paused, remembering some of the
middle politeness I shouldn't delve too deeply into Xiaojing and the others' professions, there was one thing I had to ask.
"Xiao...Xiao Jing, forgive my intrusion...that Miss Coco...is she...is she...a
transgender person?" I asked cautiously, trying to keep my tone calm.
"...Sir...do you...think we're scary because of this?" After I asked, Xiao Jing seemed
to pause slightly, pursing her thin lips in thought for a moment before subtly confirming my
guess .
"No...I'm not the kind of person who's superficial..." Seeing Xiao Jing's conflicted expression, I couldn't
bear to ask any more questions. But although my words sounded nice, I had to admit that my heart
was in turmoil .
Before I could finish speaking, the bedroom door was pushed open again, and this time, the young woman known as Sister Qiao,
Joey, walked in. She first bent down and carefully examined the bandage on my head, which had stopped bleeding. Then
she straightened her back and said to me, "Let me answer you for Xiaojing. This bar is called Sisters Bar,
which refers to me, Coco, and Xiaojing. We are not related by blood, but we are like sisters. Of course, there are no transgender people here;
that word is an insult to them. Coco and Xiaojing are transgender. Coco is a TS, while Xiaojing
is still in the CD stage. As for what TS and CD are, you can check your phone."
During the day, Joey had a more assertive, boss-like demeanor, and less of the obsequiousness she showed when entertaining customers. Judging from her
tone, the courage she showed last night, and the fact that she was about my age, Joey must be the big boss of this bar
and the backbone of Coco, Xiaojing, and the others. However, the fact that she was so frank with me was somewhat reassuring,
because of my righteous help last night.
Strangely enough, I, who have never had a penchant for prostitution or even dared to entertain any improper thoughts about it
, stumbled upon the terms "TS" and "CD" while browsing Zhihu a few months ago. Simply put, "TS"
refers to transgender people who have undergone cosmetic surgery, including plastic surgery, breast augmentation, and buttock augmentation. "CD," on the other hand, refers to
naturally beautiful women who use makeup to portray themselves as women.
"I...I know what TS and CD are..." Although I had
heard a rough outline from the middle-aged man last night, hearing Joey admit it on the spot still shocked me so much my jaw almost dropped.
Because in my mind, ladyboys should either be like those heavily made-up dancers on TV,
or incredibly ugly like those perverted old men. And according to most people's thinking, shouldn't ladyboys be found in
Thailand? I never expected to encounter several in my own life.
What I found even more unbelievable was that Xiao Jing, mature and dignified, cute and clever, radiating youthful energy like a young girl
, and Coco, who was dressed in black and had a graceful figure last night, were both originally men. When I
turned to Xiao Jing with a questioning look, I noticed a hint of embarrassment on her face. It seemed that being recognized as
a man still meant trouble for them.
"Sir, please don't take offense at my bluntness. Although I am very grateful for your help last night, we..."
This group is too shady; it's best for unrelated people to stay away from us. I'm telling you this in
the hopes that you'll back off. I have some money here; it should be enough for your medical treatment. If you want to drink in the future, you can
come here for a drink, but we should still keep our distance.” Joey said, pulling out what appeared to be twenty hundred
-yuan bills.
“No, no… Regardless of how I view you, I didn't do what I did last night for this little bit of money.”
Ever since breaking up with Lingling, I especially dislike being given handouts, so I immediately refused Joey's offer.
“Sister Joey…” As I waved away the RMB Joey offered, I vaguely heard Xiaojing
calling out to Joey in a slightly reproachful tone. Perhaps compared to Xiaojing, Xiaojing was still a naive child, while
Joey as the owner here, had already matured from seeing many storms.
“I feel almost better, so maybe I shouldn't bother you anymore…” In any case, my
reason told me that Joey was right. We were complete strangers, and the other party was involved in prostitution, with several shockingly transgender
individuals among them. It was best for a penniless, clueless guy like me to stay out of this mess.
But to my surprise, when I tried to get up, Joey suddenly softened her expression
and gently pressed down on my shoulder, preventing me from easily standing up. I looked up at
Joey , and then heard her explanation.
"I hope you don't mind, sir. We don't want to get too involved with you; it's just for your and our
own protection. But we're not heartless. It's already eleven o'clock, so please have lunch before you leave."
"Yes, we usually only open at five in the afternoon anyway, and we don't have much to do during the day. Let's have
lunch together." Hearing Joey suddenly invite me to stay for lunch, Xiaojing seemed overjoyed.
"Actually, it's not just me who wants to invite you. The person who really wants to invite you to dinner is Coco. You know, you essentially
helped her get revenge last night. She served Mr. Zhang diligently last night, but he still tried to freeload." Seeing my
expression soften, Joey immediately demonstrated her insightful nature, continuing to persuade
me to stay in a gentle, sisterly tone.
Faced with Joey and Xiaojing's invitation, I suddenly realized that I hadn't had a proper meal in several days. Going back to
before my breakup with Lingling, the last month was basically spent in a cold war and arguments. Since no one
cooked the food was very casual, and it had been a long time since I could sit down and have a relaxed meal with someone close to me
.
"Then I'll trouble you." The desire to escape loneliness quickly overcame the traditional Chinese politeness.
Even if they were a group of people often considered heretics or perverts, I didn't want to
look at . After all, I'm just a piece of mud, so what right do I have to look down on others?
"I'll go help then, hehe." Hearing that I could stay for dinner, Xiaojing immediately beamed
and skipped out of the bedroom.
"This child, besides having the politeness of a waitress, probably lacks real friends. Sigh… People
like are destined to be strangers in our country, poor Xiaojing." As I got dressed and got
out of bed, Joey murmured to me, clearly showing how much she
loved .
Stepping out of the bedroom, I could finally see the whole place. It was essentially a large shophouse-style residence.
Outside the curtain was a simple bar, and inside were a corridor and three small bedrooms. The bathroom and kitchen were located in the bar outside
the curtain As for where everyone could gather for dinner, they could only
sit at the only large table outside the bar.
After washing up, I went to the table. A hot pot was cooking on an induction cooker, filled with various
condiments . Several plates of frozen beef and mutton, along with vegetables, potatoes, wide rice noodles, and sesame flatbread bought from the market, were placed on the table.
Around the table, besides Xiao Jing, who was wearing a loose sweater, and Joey, who was wearing a dark red thick cotton coat, were
the bartender and Coco.
"My name is Xiao Yunshan, you can call me Shanzi." Seeing me approach,
the bartender, who looked to be in his early twenties and much more handsome than me, immediately extended his right hand in a friendly manner. It seemed that as the only male here, he
was quite friendly to other men.
"My name is Ma Le, my unseemly nickname is 'Ma Le Gobi,' haha." After I made fun of my
nickname , Xiao Jing immediately burst out laughing. Joey and Shanzi couldn't help but smile as well, but Coco remained
expressionless, seemingly lost in thought.
"Thanks for yesterday." There was no smile or handshake. If Joey hadn't said that the invitation to this meal
came from Coco, I would have thought that she was seeing me off.
"It's nothing, don't mind me. I just don't like seeing people bully others." Thinking of Coco
's cool and aloof demeanor during her performance last night, I immediately felt relieved. This Coco also only wore cool-toned clothes during the day, her hair was disheveled to
the point of being unkempt, quite similar to those non-mainstream people. These people probably all have awkward
personalities .
"This meal is on me today. No matter if we have a chance in the future, I hope to be a grateful
person." Still wary, Coco at least said a couple of words of thanks, and then, ignoring my reaction
, sat down on her own.
'Maybe all artists are a bit neurotic.' At the time, I temporarily used this reasonable excuse to
comfort myself. Since I was already there, I decided to make the best of it and took a seat to eat.
After sitting in the seat that was vacated for me, everyone started to cook the meat. At the beginning of the meal, Shanzi
praised my act of bravery yesterday. I took the opportunity to observe the four people at the table.
Of the four, Joey, as the boss, held a higher position than not only Xiaojing, but also Coco and Shanzi.
With her hair styled like a noblewoman in a bun, she possessed almond-shaped eyes, a high nose bridge, fair skin, and a prominent beauty mark under her eye
. Her speech blended the gentleness of a young woman with the imposing authority of a boss, making her the undisputed leader of the group.
Shanzi was a young and cheerful man, tall and fond of joking. As the only male, he
easily acted as a mediator among them. However, what was intriguing was Shanzi's seemingly
close ; their gazes towards each other held a certain ambiguity, raising questions about whether their
relationship extended beyond work.
Coco, as the small business owner and singer, was practically an ethereal fairy, or perhaps
more . She had large, bright eyes, but a hint of strength always lingered in her expression. Her lips...
Her lips were actually full and sensual, and her skin was as fair and delicate as a Westerner's. She rarely spoke during the meal, seemingly
preoccupied, yet her eyes were rather vacant.
As for Xiaojing, she was the typical junior among the four; she addressed Qiaoyi, Shanzi, and Keke as Sister Qiao,
Brother Shanzi, and Sister Keke. Xiaojing's skin was tanned but of good quality, showing signs of youth.
She was the most talkative during the meal, initiating most of the topics related to me.
"Mr. Ma, why are you drinking alone?"
"Because no one can drink with me..."
"Then why are you crying in your sleep?"
"Because I just broke up... and I'm already heartbroken."
"Oh dear... I'm sorry, I might have asked something I shouldn't have."
"It's nothing, breakups and makeups aren't just my thing, there's nothing you can't talk about."
"Then... I'd really like to know, why couldn't you continue your relationship with your ex-girlfriend?"
"Because... letting go is also a form of fulfillment..."
After I unintentionally uttered a slogan of great love, everyone present looked curious. Even
Coco, who had been eating with her head down, suddenly asked, "Tell us about your experience. The people here are unrelated to your
real life, so you can speak more freely, right?"
Coco was right. Although I don't like being pitied, always hiding my sadness in my heart is definitely not
a solution. Moreover, I'm the kind of person I wouldn't dare confide in close friends in real life, but I can finally vent here.
So I started by briefly introducing my divorced parents and impoverished background, then began to talk about
the conflicts between Lingling and me in recent years, and the painful lessons I learned from investing in the stock market. Finally, when I mentioned that Lingling should
have , and I sincerely wished her well, I noticed
a fleeting, strange expression on Xiaojing and Coco's faces.
"Actually, Mr. Ma's biggest frustration is probably his dissatisfaction with life," the mature Joey said
incisively
Sister Joey is right. All these years of hard work have only resulted in this outcome; it's really hard for me to accept.
For example rarely go to bars like this to save money. I haven't dared to take vacations or travel for years because I
really want to save up for a down payment on a house, sigh..." This simple conversation stirred up my inner self-reproach again, and I couldn't help but
sigh deeply.
"Actually, I understand Mr. Ma's feelings. Just like us, none of us chose to become who we are now.
We can be grateful, good at business, and even talented, but the deviation in our orientation or the pressure of reality forces
us live a dark life under the cover of night." Although I can't know the details of these prostitutes or transgender people
's lives, I can guess that their lives must be more difficult than ordinary people's, so
I can sympathize with Joey's sigh at this moment.
"But if you ask me, Mr. Ma, you don't need to be discouraged. After all, you still have a job, and you're still in your prime."
Seeing the slightly somber atmosphere, Shanzi quickly spoke up to smooth things over.
"You're right, it's just starting over again, hahaha. Everyone has their own troubles. It's a pity
I'm not rolling in money, otherwise I could order more expensive drinks every time I come to support the business."
"Mr. Ma is joking. We won't forget your generosity yesterday. Next time you come to our little shop for drinks, I
'll give you a 20% discount." In Joey's cheerful voice, we raised our glasses together, and
the atmosphere .
For the rest of the time, the conversation mostly revolved around me, but I was afraid of saying the wrong thing and offending these mysterious transgender people
with sensitive questions. So I only briefly inquired about Joey and the others'
hardships and didn't ask any more questions about their lives.
Even so, I still learned from their conversation that the bar was doing poorly, but
everyone needed a place to stay. Joey didn't shy away from the fact that they were involved in prostitution, but in her view
, they did it simply to earn more money.
This meal had a profound impact on me: I realized that these women
or transgender people who were still engaged in prostitution also had the same values and worries as ordinary people. I didn't feel that there was any barrier to communicating with them as an
ordinary person ; on the contrary, I felt that these people were quite warm
and hospitable, even more genuine and kind than most people.
Even after learning of Coco and Xiaojing's gender identities, although I didn't immediately consider them
women, looking at their distinct styles—some cute, some alluring—it was impossible for me to
associate with men. For the first time in my life, I experienced the unique feeling of interacting with someone of the third sex.
These three, more sensitive than men but more carefree than women, were actually more approachable and easier to get along with than most girls.
"Thank you all for your hospitality. Until we meet again." Before leaving, I
waved goodbye to Joey and the others. After a simple yet warm lunch, these people
felt like true friends to me.
"Take care, Mr. Ma. Come for drinks sometime." As Joey saw me off, I could see that his
smile contained not only professionalism but also a hint of mutual understanding born of shared hardship.
"Thank you for protecting me last night." Even Coco, who hadn't spoken much, stood up to
thank . It seemed that despite her cold exterior, she might have a sensitive heart.
"Remember to come often! This is my WeChat ID. You can contact me before you come, and I can let you
know when Coco will be there." Seeing that I was already putting on my coat, Xiaojing quickly took out her phone
and opened the WeChat QR code. What was surprising was that Xiaojing seemed to want to talk to me more than Joey and Coco.
Perhaps it was because, as Joey said, Xiaojing was indeed very lonely.
"Thank you for thinking so highly of me. I haven't had a proper meal like this in a long time."
After exchanging WeChat contacts with Xiaojing, I ended my stay at the sisters' bar, which lasted all night and half a day.
However, at that time, I didn't realize that from that day on, my fate would be firmly tied to these three people,
inseparable from them. At that time, I had only just come into contact with the kind and righteous
side , unaware that their temperament, personality, and even lives were as complex as their gender.
It wasn't until much later that Xiaojing told me that after that day, Joey, Coco, and Xiaojing had a very good
opinion of me, not only because of my chivalrous help, but also because I maintained composure throughout that somewhat probing lunch.
I restrained my curiosity and refrained from asking any questions I might not have asked. This preserved their self-esteem
without making myself appear normal or looking down on prostitutes or transgender people.
A man like me, perhaps neither handsome nor rich, became a model of a good man in their unconventional value system.

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