I was drugged and raped on a long-distance bus.

page views:1 Publication date:2023-04-30 08:12:29

My name is Xu Xin, and my boyfriend's name is Zhang Kai. We were classmates at Shanghai University of International Business and Economics, but in different departments. I met him at my best friend Li Wei's birthday party. Li Wei and her boyfriend, Wang Xiaofan, are both from Shanghai, and Wang Xiaofan and Zhang Kai were in the same class. Zhang Kai looks a lot like Takeshi Kaneshiro when he first debuted; he's a bit mature, but he's also a little shy and doesn't talk much. As for me, I'm a girl who likes to sing and dance. To outsiders, I seem quite outgoing, but I'm not the kind of social butterfly who goes to every kind of event. Among a group of girls dancing, I wasn't the most eye-catching, nor was I so ordinary that I would be overlooked by everyone. Zhang Kai said that I was the one he liked at first sight.
We got together without even realizing it, and neither of us mentioned being a couple. From our sophomore year until graduation, we were always seen together as a couple. But what surprised others was that we never had sex even once during those three years. In this distorted society, what's normal has become abnormal. Later, I asked Zhang Kai why he never made any advances. He said, "I like you not because I'm after your body, but because I like your inner qualities, I like listening to you sing, I like your every smile." These words deeply moved me, and I became certain that I would marry no one but him.
For over a year after graduation, we both stayed in Shanghai seeking our own opportunities, and during that year, we started living together. Zhang Kai is from Dalian, and comes from a well-off family. His mother is a leader at a hospital, and his father is an officer at a naval base. He also has two aunts who married and moved to South Korea, and his second uncle inherited his maternal grandfather's business, running a successful seaside resort hotel. Zhang Kai's study of public administration was influenced by his second uncle. A very important reason why we got together was that we shared a common ambition—to become professionals in the hotel service industry. However, his ambitions were much grander; he wanted to own his own five-star hotel, and he didn't even care about his maternal grandfather's business. As for me, I just want to be a department manager like Tong Xin in "Falling in Love with You," dressed in a glamorous and busy manner, yet still romantic.
Although Zhang Kai and I both considered each other our other half, there was still an irreconcilable problem between us—his mother. The first time I went to Dalian with Zhang Kai to meet his parents, his mother left a bad impression on me. Perhaps because she had been a leader for so long, she treated me like a superior and subordinate, especially when she learned that I was from Chongqing and that my parents were ordinary workers; her words and actions became even more arrogant. Maybe she felt that Zhang Kai and I were not a good match, and that our families lived so far apart, so living together would inevitably lead to many conflicts.
My relationship with Zhang Kai's mother was even more strained during my second trip to Dalian. She even openly expressed her dissatisfaction with me, saying, "I don't think you and Zhang Kai are a good match because of your talent. You should understand some things." Of course I understand—she's just a snob! Actually, his mother's opinion isn't important; what I care about is Zhang Kai's attitude. But what really angered me was that Zhang Kai didn't speak up for me! I had hoped that Zhang Kai could get his supportive father to persuade his mother to abandon her conventional views. But Zhang Kai's indifference chilled me to the bone. I know he's a filial son, but should matters of the heart and marriage always be about accommodating one's parents? What era are we living in?! On one side is family, on the other is love—which would you choose?
Back in Shanghai, we started a cold war. Although Zhang Kai always tried to coax me, which showed he still cared about me, I still couldn't get over his mother's attitude. So we separated temporarily. I returned to Chongqing and became a lobby manager at a riverside hotel, while he couldn't stand being summoned by his mother's family and went back to Dalian to help his second uncle.
Back home, with my parents, and doing a job I enjoyed, my mood gradually improved. For almost six months, Zhang Kai and I only kept in touch via phone. I longed for him to come see me in Chongqing! Just then, I received an invitation from my best friend, Li Wei, who had just had a baby with Wang Xiaofan. She said they had invited Zhang Kai as well. Upon hearing this news, I specially swapped shifts with a colleague to take five days off to go to Shanghai for the baby's one-month celebration. Because I have a fear of flying, it took me a full day and night by train to get to Shanghai. I so hoped Zhang Kai would appear on the platform with flowers to surprise me. Unfortunately, only Li Wei's cousin came to pick me up. Even more unexpectedly, I heard that Zhang Kai had arrived in Shanghai the day before, but he didn't come to pick me up!
I suddenly started to doubt my life! I'm not a petty person, but Zhang Kai's behavior really disappointed me. Filled with resentment, I met Zhang Kai at Li Wei's house. People often use the phrase "a day apart feels like three autumns" to describe the pain of longing between lovers, but for Zhang Kai and me, only half a year apart felt like centuries had passed. Had I changed, or had he? At Wang Xiaofan's urging, Zhang Kai finally spoke to me, offering a few words of concern. I don't like beating around the bush, so I asked him directly what his mother thought. He didn't answer directly, only saying he was caught in the middle and in a difficult position. I immediately got angry and called him a coward! Perhaps Zhang Kai felt I didn't understand him, because he also looked aggrieved. I suddenly realized that I had been completely blind before.
Later I found out that this was a scheme deliberately arranged by Li Wei and her husband to break the deadlock between me and Zhang Kai, but the result was the opposite of what was expected.
I was completely distracted at the baby's one-month celebration the next day. Even though the baby was behaving well, I had no desire to play with him. I ate a few bites of food and drank a couple of glasses of wine before leaving the table. I didn't want to see Zhang Kai's face, which evoked both love and hate. Li Wei left the baby with her grandmother and accompanied me back to her house. The men were still drinking and socializing at the hotel. I talked with Li Wei for a long time. I felt that Zhang Kai and I were basically over. At least, I was completely exhausted. I just wanted to leave Shanghai and return to Chongqing as soon as possible.
Li Wei understood my personality and didn't try to persuade me further. Before the group of men returned from the hotel, I went out alone. Walking through the bustling city of Shanghai, I felt lost. My mind was filled with memories of Zhang Kai. I knew I shouldn't be reminiscing, but I felt a deep sense of unease. After all, our relationship hadn't fundamentally changed. Should I really let go? I didn't know which way to go.
Li Wei's home wasn't far from the long-distance bus station, and I ended up there without really knowing where I was. Shouldn't I have taken a taxi to the train station? Well, thinking about it, it was pretty much the same. Back then, there were no high-speed trains, and it took more than 20 hours to get back to Chongqing by bus or train, with similar ticket prices. Since I was already at the bus station, I figured I might as well give it a try! I bought a 500 yuan deluxe sleeper ticket. According to the ticket seller, it was a brand-new double-decker sleeper air-conditioned bus, currently in trial operation to accumulate experience for future long-distance tourist routes.
This bus is indeed quite large. The lower deck has three rows of 30 leather sleeping berths, somewhat like sofas, each berth quite narrow, just enough for one person to lie down. The upper deck has only 10 beds, five on each side. These beds are more than twice the size and much softer and more comfortable. There are partitions and curtains separating the beds, making them relatively more private. The price difference between the upper and lower decks is 150 yuan. Although sitting in the upper deck is definitely much more comfortable, these days not many people are willing to pay for long-distance bus travel, and even fewer are willing to pay an extra 150 yuan to "enjoy" this so-called comfort. I chose the upper deck purely for peace and quiet.
The train didn't seem to have many passengers; the lower deck was only about two-thirds full. There were only three people in the upper deck: an elderly couple in the second row, and a female attendant at the front, who seemed to be in charge of emergency medical care. It was also said that if a passenger in the lower deck wanted to move to the upper deck, they only needed to pay her an additional 150 yuan. I went straight to the last row and sat down on the right.
脫掉高跟鞋，我揉了揉腳，然後躺下身，整個人輕鬆多了。只是我的思緒仍然停留在糾纏不清的感情世界裡，索性閉上眼，那些煩惱我裝作視而不見。過了一陣，我感覺車子啟動了，於是睜開了眼，發現對面舖位不知道什麼時候來了個三十來歲的男子，戴著眼鏡，襯衫上繫著領帶，斯斯文文的比較面善，不像是壞人，但我還是下意識地扯開毛毯遮住下半身。我穿的是肉絲長筒襪套及膝裙，一方面也是因為車內開著空調，怕著涼。
此時已是傍晚，天色漸暗，華燈初上，我忽然覺得有些餓，於是伸手去摸提包，這才發現我一路發神過來竟然忘記買吃的了。雖然現在客車還在上海市區內穿行，但我總不可能喊司機停下來讓一大車人等我去買東西吧。我情不自禁哎呀一聲。對面的男子聽見之後探過身來問我怎麼了。我說不好意思沒什麼。他彷彿看出了我的顧忌，也看出了我的一臉飢餓疲憊之情，於是改用四川話問我是不是重慶人。我說是。他說他也是。儘管我覺得他這種搭訕方式很老土，可頂艙也沒多的人，跟他聊聊無妨。
我就問他是做什麼的，為什麼會選擇乘長途汽車回重慶。他說他是重醫附一院的外科醫生，叫林一華，到上海來是去學習進修，現在學習期滿回重慶。他說他之所以坐汽車是因為他討厭火車的噪音，而且他居然跟我一樣不但恐高而且恐飛。聽了他的介紹我的戒意全無，因為重醫附一院就在我父母家附近，他說的事情完全對得上號。我也很大方的告訴了他我的真實名字和職業，並且抱怨自己一時疏忽忘記買晚餐了。
林一華知道後很爽快地從他皮箱裡拿出一盒冠生園的蛋糕遞給我，說本來是帶回家給他父親吃的。我說那怎麼過意得去。他說沒事，他買了兩盒，老人家甜食吃多了也不好，嘗嘗心就行。我確實有些餓了，也不再推辭，於是問他花了多少錢我買。林一華說，妹子你又不是不知道重慶人的性格，那就是耿直二字，我收了你的錢那還叫重慶人嗎？何況這點東西也不值幾個錢。說完他還順手遞給我一瓶未開過的娃哈哈蘇打水。盛情難卻，我厚著臉皮照單全收了。我一邊大快朵頤一邊和他聊天，從談話中得知他之所以從醫是因為他母親得病死得早，他想用醫術挽救其他母親的生命。我有些邪惡的想，不是所有的人母親都值得挽救，比如張凱他媽。
不多會兒一盒蛋糕就被我吃了大半，檸檬味的蘇打水也很是合我口味，以前一直沒留意這種飲料，還不錯。重慶有句俗話叫「飽打瞌睡餓新鮮」，剛吃飽我的困意就來了，於是我跟林一華打了個招呼後就合攏了布簾，關了床頭的小黃燈。但是不知道為什麼我忽然開始有些發熱，就像是暴雨來臨前烏雲密佈時那種透不過氣的悶熱，如果此時是在家裡我肯定會脫掉短袖襯衫和文胸，換上寬鬆的睡衣。可現在是在客車上，而且對面舖位還有一個剛認識的成年男子。
又想睡覺又熱起誰不著的感覺很不爽，不管如何翻來覆去都穩定不了情緒，我索性坐起來拉開布簾透透氣。林一華正在玩手機，見我拉開布簾急忙關切的問怎麼了，我說心煩。他說連蘇州都還沒到呢，夜還很長，要不你聽聽歌放鬆一下。他見我沒有回答，轉身坐在床沿對著我說，乾脆這樣，如果你信得過我，我可以幫你捏捏腳，雖然我的專業是普通外科，但也學過推拿按摩，腳板的穴位多你也知道，多按會有助於睡眠。
他的話很江湖，我如果拒絕就說明我不信任他，可是要我突然之間接受一個陌生異性的按摩，好像也有些難為情。我看了看前面床位的情況，那老兩口似乎已經睡了，沒有動靜，乘務員可能是去了底艙也沒見著。我還在猶豫，林一華又說話了：妹子你放心，在我們醫生眼裡，病人是沒有性別之分的。像你這種需要經常站立的職業很容易患靜脈曲張，我可以教你怎樣有效預防。
我看他態度的確很誠懇，而且經過兩個小時的相處，憑直覺他不是那種圖謀不軌的人，於是同意了。林一華坐到我的腳邊開始側著身子幫我捏腳。老實說他的手法很專業，一看就是受過正規培訓的。我見他側身不太順手，就讓他脫掉皮鞋坐上床來。在這麼一個狹促的空間和一個幾乎完全陌生的男士親密獨處，這還是我有生以來第一次。藉著床頭小黃燈發出的微弱亮光，我仔細打量了一番眼前這個林醫生，長得滿清秀的，一臉書生氣，聽說讀醫學專業的一般都要至少讀五年以上，長的要八年，想必像他這個年紀恐怕才參加工作也沒幾年。
他捏得我很舒服，只是我依舊很熱，而且昏昏欲睡。這個時候其實我是很糾結的，既怕我真的睡著被人佔了便宜都不知道，又很享受足底神經傳送給我的愉悅，我的眼睛時閉時合，意識開始有些模糊。我隱約聽見林醫生說我再幫你捏捏小腿，還沒等我反應過來，他的手已經開始向我的小腿摸來。我不確定他究竟是不是在按摩，只覺得他的雙手隔著薄如蟬翼的肉絲在任意輕撫我的小腿。儘管在酒店工作時也曾有喝醉酒的客人伸手來摸我的腿，但那不過幾秒鐘的時間，就連張凱也沒有這樣摸過我。
林醫生的手開始變得不太老實，竟然伸進了我的裙子裡面摸我大腿。我頓時覺得不妙，想要阻止他但卻感覺全身無力，我的喉嚨也像被什麼東西卡住一樣喊不出聲來。因為我穿的不是連褲襪，而是單筒長筒襪，所以當他的手摸到我大腿根部的時候，我們倆的肌膚就第一次百分百觸碰到了一起。實事求是說他的手很細膩，像是拿手術刀的，而不是那種令人反感的粗糙大手。
他開始作出一些試探性的挑逗動作，不斷反覆撫摸我的大腿內側，我感覺我的私處有反應了，癢。我不知道該如何擺脫這種近距離的赤裸裸的騷擾，我只是無助地扭動著身軀。我不是思想保守的女人，也沒有開放到誰想上我就上，可這個時候我的腦海裡居然浮現的是網絡上流傳已久的一句話：生活就像被強姦，當你無力反抗時，那你就躺下來慢慢享受吧……
我好像聽見林醫生在叫我的名字欣欣，這個時候我竟然產生了一絲幻覺，對面這個人就是我曾經深愛過的張凱。因為兩年前有一次在從上海到大連的火車軟臥車廂裡，我和張凱就有過一次ｍｌ，那次還是我主動提出的。我的戒備心理開始出現鬆動，大概是因為久未享受性愛的緣故吧，林醫生的挑逗基本上宣告成功了。他見我毫無還擊之力，肆無忌憚地把手伸進了我的內褲，其實這時我的下面已經濕了，當他用手指在我陰唇邊來回摩擦時，更是濕成了一片汪洋。我興奮的輕聲呻吟起來。我的矜持我的羞恥感去哪兒了？我竟開始迫切希望他作出更刺激的動作。林醫生彷彿猜透了我的心思，他用拇指和食指拈住我的陰蒂輕輕擠壓並提拉，隨著我的反應逐漸用力，簡直讓我欲罷不能。
我已經完全不能控制自己的精神和身體了，就像洪水沖破防線大堤一瀉千里。我竟然展開雙臂摟住了林醫生。顯然林醫生也被我的意外舉動嚇了一跳，一剎那怔住了，但僅僅幾秒鐘的遲疑他便卸下了紳士偽裝，像個饞貓一般撲到我的胸前。我閉著眼也能感覺得出他是個閱歷豐富的老手，他不像張凱和我的第一次，張凱摸我胸時完全是手忙腳亂還喘著大氣，而林醫生則是右手揉我右胸，左手解我襯衫的扣子，他的呼吸均勻動作熟練，很可能是個結過婚的人。解開襯衫後他並不急於去解我的文胸，而是雙手按在兩瓣胸罩上有規律的上下搓揉，搓得我渾身酥麻並且期望他能盡快捏住我的乳頭。現在回想起來當時竟會有那樣淫蕩的念頭是多麼可恥啊！
I was wearing a front-clasp bra, and he easily displayed my breasts to him. My breasts are the most sensitive part of my body, and the organ I masturbate the most when I'm showering alone. What I'm most satisfied with isn't how full my breasts are, but the harmonious proportion between my nipples and breasts. I've seen some girls' breasts in the school bathhouse; some have large breasts but small nipples, while others have inverted nipples. Dr. Lin's warm hands kept circling around my breasts, making me even more uncomfortable. When he felt the time was right, he suddenly pinched my nipples with his index fingers and thumbs. Instantly, I felt like I'd been electrocuted and couldn't help but let out a soft moan. Perhaps afraid that my moan would wake the elderly couple in front of us, he quickly covered my mouth with his hand and said, "Xin Xin, let's be quiet."
He kept playing with my nipples with his fingers, making my breasts very firm. It felt like all the nerves in my body were concentrated on those two points, and I experienced an unprecedented pleasure. Unfortunately, this pleasure wasn't from Zhang Kai, and I felt sorry for his lack of understanding. Before one wave of stimulation subsided, another rose. Dr. Lin took off his glasses, lowered his head, and began to circle my breasts with his tongue. I held him tightly around the waist, afraid that this exciting and stimulating tactile experience would be fleeting.
When he took my nipple into his mouth, my body trembled. The last line of defense deep within me crumbled instantly, and I was forced to completely submit to his rhythm. This man was extraordinary! He was like a legendary martial arts master who could wield eighteen weapons. Whether he was teasing my nipple with his tongue, pulling it upwards with his lips, or sucking on it like a baby nursing, the angle and force were perfect. Every movement made me feel like a fairy. I only regretted that I wasn't at home or in the middle of nowhere, so I could shout out all the joy and sorrow in my heart.
Dr. Lin seemed particularly fond of my breasts, playing with them for almost half an hour before finally remembering to kiss my lips. His tongue traced upwards along my breasts, exploring my mouth. He wanted to insert his tongue, but I wasn't very willing. In my mind, the mouth is for eating, and nothing else, including the oral sex I gave Zhang Kai before—he wouldn't allow it without washing it two or three times. Moreover, unless it was someone I truly loved, I found it emotionally difficult to accept my tongue intertwining with someone else's. He tried several times, but my lips remained tightly closed, so he gave up, only continuing to kiss my outer lips, my face, and my forehead.
While he was kissing me, his hands weren't idle. His left hand continued to pinch my nipple, while his right hand reached inside my underwear, inserting his middle and ring fingers into my vagina, probing like a miner. I panted heavily, anticipating another storm. Dr. Lin seemed to see right through me; he quickly stripped off his own clothes and rubbed his already rock-hard penis against my skirt, like a warrior sharpening his bayonet before a charge. I thought he would take off my skirt, but instead, he simply inserted his penis into my underwear from one side. For men, wouldn't this more easily generate excitement and a sense of conquest?
Dr. Lin, being a medical student, truly understood the female body. While thrusting into me, he held my breast tightly with his right hand, igniting both of my erogenous zones simultaneously. Having been without a man's touch for over half a year, I was practically limp, incredibly high. Dr. Lin then removed my underwear, his penis becoming even more flexible, sometimes thrusting sideways, sometimes on top of me, bringing me to multiple orgasms. Honestly, I was starting to feel overwhelmed, not just because of the pain, but also because I was terrified of losing control and screaming, being discovered.
I don't know how much time passed before Dr. Lin finally stopped. By then, we were both drenched in sweat and completely exhausted. Like returning home from an incredibly wonderful trip, I was so tired that I quickly lost consciousness—yes, I fell asleep. When I woke up, it was past ten o'clock the next morning, just after the bus arrived in Wuhan. I don't know if I had a beautiful dream or a nightmare. When I opened my eyes, I was shocked to find the shop across the street completely empty. Where was Lin Yihua? My initial dazed state instantly cleared. I quickly straightened my bra, shirt, and skirt, smoothed my messy hair, and as I tried to stand up, I suddenly realized that my underwear and stockings were gone! A wave of dizziness washed over me. Had I encountered a perverted lecher? Then I sat down and thought about it. It was probably because the item was covered in men's semen, and Lin Yihua was afraid I'd leave evidence to sue him, so he took it away. Thinking about it for a while longer, I felt a chill run down my spine. Had he ejaculated inside me? I certainly didn't want to be caught in the crossfire!
While in Wuhan, the bus stopped for almost an hour. I quickly went to a supermarket near the gas station to buy pants and socks, threw away my skirt, and changed into long pants. Back on the bus, I asked the conductor, Lin Yihua, about his whereabouts. She said that when the bus stopped in Hefei in the middle of the night (national regulations stipulate that long-distance buses with only one driver must stop for at least four hours in the early morning), he got off and left, saying he wouldn't be back on the bus. She said, "I thought you two were friends, seeing how enthusiastically you were chatting." Her eyes held a hint of mockery as she said this, as if she knew about my affair with Lin Yihua. Feeling somewhat embarrassed, I didn't ask any more questions.
Twelve hours later, I finally returned to Chongqing. Walking through the streets of my hometown late at night, everything felt so familiar and comforting, yet I felt an unusual sense of loss. It wasn't just because of the ambiguous encounter on the train, but more so because a deeply unforgettable relationship was about to come to an end.
P.S.: Later, I saw a scene in the TV series "Lurking" where Yu Zecheng injected a drug contraindicated for asthma patients into a Kuomintang officer's favorite red wine. The officer suffered an asthma attack and was hospitalized. Thinking back to my behavior that day, it's clear I was also drugged by Lin Yihua and ended up having sex with him without really understanding what was going on. What's strange is that when I was packing my things on the bus, the half-box of cake Lin Yihua gave me was still there, but the soda bottle was gone. As for Lin Yihua, he's always been a mystery to me. I checked with the Department of Surgery at the First Affiliated Hospital of Chongqing Medical University, and there is indeed such a doctor, but he's almost fifty years old and looks completely different. It seems I've been drugged and raped by a conman...

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I was drugged and raped on a long-distance bus.

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