[Having sex with a lover * Having sex with a husband]

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Last night I spent with my lover, a sunny young man eight years younger than me.

After several rounds of pleasurable and passionate lovemaking, he quietly fell asleep, while I felt conflicted. I

silently played with his erect penis, the glans protruding. This length and size is what my husband's penis is

like when it's erect.

I'm not exaggerating.

We measured it during playful moments; from the top, his penis was 19 centimeters long, about the thickness of my wrist, while my husband's was less than

12 centimeters, about the size of my index finger.

It was their first time having sex with me.

All medical information and premarital education manuals on sex education say that only the first

third of has sensory nerves and is extremely elastic, and that the size and length of the penis have no relation to sexual pleasure.

But how could that be?

With my lover, it was a powerful and fulfilling experience, each time reaching the deepest point, seemingly piercing my heart, and

his youthful vigor and boundless passion for my body.

My husband is a steady man, the same age as me, but three years older, due to his long working hours away from home.

His small penis and lack of sexual desire leave me wondering whether the former caused the latter, or vice versa

.

Sometimes, it even makes me doubt my own attractiveness.

Our meeting and falling in love was very romantic, countless times moving and touching me. His looks, character, and

knowledge captivated me, but the first time I held his hand, my heart sank. Despite the conflict, I married him

; love made me forgiving.

My lover (calling him a lover is truly unfair; he's a devoted and sincere person) was someone I met online by chance

. Before meeting my husband, during my confused period, my husband was tall, handsome, with long eyelashes and expressive eyes.

After we got married, my husband was often away from home, and I was often lonely. So I

met . He was a 19-year-old college student. We arranged to meet for the first time,

and we were both very attracted to each other. Because we both knew there was no future (he was only 19 at the time),

and we weren't worried about it affecting our lives, we were very unrestrained from the start, kissing and hugging. Then we went

to a hotel and slept together. It was only when we were enjoying ourselves that I realized he was a virgin,

his first time being intimate with a woman. Since he had no experience, I gave him advice. From then on,

every time we made love, the feeling was wonderful, comfortable, and indescribable.

I know many people will say I'm shameless, and yes, that's how I've judged myself countless times. However,

being involved with two men didn't bring me happiness. I love my husband, and our

relationship is more about emotional connection . Perhaps because of love, he can easily arouse me and make me feel wet, sometimes with just a word

or a glance.

Every time we make love, he tries his best to make me happy, and I understand his good intentions. What I get is

emotional satisfaction, not physical pleasure and fulfillment.

If I could have this kind of "happiness," I would be content. But he's rarely around,

sometimes only seeing me once every month or two. Being far from home, I'm so lonely. After all, I'm just a normal, healthy woman, and of course, I

often crave the kind of sex life a normal, healthy woman should have at night! Physical needs

trump everything.

However, I often get excited when I receive calls from my lover. He can satisfy my physical desires,

he can have secret rendezvous and affairs with me, and he can make love to me comfortably and enjoyably, making me madly

infatuated with him, even unable to leave him.

Sometimes, I find myself in this predicament: two men who love me, one who wants to

make love to me openly but can never manage it; the other who can make love to me very comfortably

but can only do so secretly in a private space, afraid to do it openly.

I've been rambling on and on, my words are incoherent and nonsensical. This is the only place I dare to speak

my mind (ironically, I have a prestigious job—a section-level cadre in a municipal government bureau), because

online, nobody knows whether you're a dog or a cat.

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