Our first friendship, and the consensus we reached simultaneously.

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Our first romantic relationship, and the consensus reached simultaneously. (Part 1)

My wife and I have had seven or eight real romantic relationships over a year. I've written about some of them before,

but I never dared to write about the first one, mainly because I was afraid of the trouble. "Rome wasn't built in a day." To

write about the first one, I had to explain where the idea came from and how my wife and I managed to get things done.

Now, with my wife's understanding and society's tolerance, I think the conditions for telling the truth are much more mature.

I want to start from the beginning. I had a deeply unforgettable first love that lasted two years but failed.

The reason for the failure was that I liked her too much, so I always gave in to her. I went from passively giving in to actively giving in.

For the sake of long-term stability in our marriage, I needed to determine just how arrogant she was, but she crossed my psychological

bottom line, and we ended things. At this point, I was no longer a virgin. You could say I've never had

a virginity complex. When I met her, she had been working in the countryside for 10 years, and she was a year older than me. I told her

more than once , "I won't hold your past against you, even if you had children before, but

since you chose me, you have to be loyal to me." My guiding principle was that you can't choose your birth, but

you can choose your path. This might bear the mark of that era; my

understanding that emotions and sex can be separated can indeed be traced back more than twenty years.

In my subsequent search for girlfriends, I always adhered to one principle: she had to like me,

not the other way around. I once longed to meet a woman like me, someone who had given her heart and soul and been

hurt . But fate played a trick on me; my wife happened to be an honest young woman. So from

the very beginning of our dates, I told her everything about my past, including

a former lover. I wrote a detailed account in my "Couple's Diary" titled "Distant Memories."

I am a transparent person; I don't hide anything from my wife. But I am also a very responsible family

person; my wife went back to work when our child was just over eighty days old. My child is placed in the daycare at my workplace.

For the convenience of both family and child, and to allow free access to and from the factory gates, I wore my work uniform to and from work for almost two years. The gatekeeper

had no idea whether I was going home or to another workshop, or whether I was late or

leaving early (because there's another workshop outside the factory gates). When my wife came home from work, I had already prepared a hot meal. I

don't dance, drink, or play mahjong. I'm indeed like an engineer, paving the way through mountains and

building . However, I enjoy reading, especially various non-fiction, memoirs, and magazines. I first learned about

couples engaging in "friendship" in a magazine, probably three or four years ago.

The magazine described it as a trip involving seven or eight couples. They would enjoy the

beautiful scenery during the day and have dinner together in the evening. The only part was a game where they would draw lots using bowls to reveal room keys. The wives would

go to their rooms first, leaving their keys for the other husbands to draw—it was an exchange. The magazine also mentioned that

this practice was becoming increasingly common. This greatly intrigued me at the time. (Although it's presented as a case study

, perhaps related to a crime of promiscuity) Decades of life experience have taught me that right and wrong are often determined by time,

not by their actual nature. Those who would have been executed decades ago might be heroes now; those going to prison now

might be role models decades later. Human life is only once, and my wife and I only have

a small part (because our combined age is over 100). As long as it brings us genuine

pleasure and doesn't harm others, why shouldn't we do it? This is simply watching porn on a larger scale. In the past,

my wife and I watched porn behind closed doors; when the door was open, we were law-abiding citizens. If we can find like-minded

couples, it's just two more people watching porn behind closed doors; when the door is open, everyone is still a good citizen. The fact that it's so widespread

proves that quite a few friends share my views. But the key is how to find such friends? I searched for

friends while simultaneously persuading my wife.

Back then, I didn't know about Couples123, but I discovered a great place to use this

as Yahoo! On its homepage, there was an emotional forum with recommended featured posts, which I read

and replied to. I discussed my sole purpose of making friends from various angles, and to attract attention, all my posts

used the same title, simply continuing to post (one, two, three, four...). At that time, I probably wrote

fourteen posts titled "My Response to Promiscuity," half of which were recommended as featured posts. They also left me their QQ numbers. In

less than a week, feedback poured in, from people in other parts of the country and Chinese people abroad, all agreeing with my

views. (Back then, you could see what the other person was doing in the upper right corner of QQ.) I explored through conversations, and

I discerned through exploration...

With my wife, I used methods to stimulate her interest. To get children to study well, you must first make them understand

the reasons for studying and make them desire learning themselves. If children don't understand the principles and just want to play, then no matter how

high-pressure scolding or tempting monetary rewards you use, it won't work. It's the same with soldiers fighting in war; rewards of money are useless, and

holding a gun to their backs to supervise the battle is useless. The most effective motive was the vengeful rage ignited by venting, the burning desire to fight after writing a blood oath

.

It was April 2005. After an initial screening through text communication, I deleted many people who went straight to the point, those who stayed focused

on the topic, or those who feigned profundity by sending a handshake emoji and waiting for me to speak. (Added to blacklist)

Among those who entered the video chat, I further deleted those who only showed their room but not their face. Because you can see yourself on video,

we always adjusted ourselves, like taking a photo, to be the clearest and most centered couple. If the other person didn't appear,

or only showed the area behind their ears, it was intentional. (Added to blacklist) Finally, I narrowed it down to two

couples from Shanghai. We were very satisfied with the text communication, and then we openly and confidently had a verbal conversation on video. At that time, all

three couples were very eager, but none of us had actually experienced it. I introduced them to each other,

sincerely hoping they would experience it firsthand. However, they didn't seem to click much, and both wanted to meet me

for their first time.

One couple was the same age as me, the man also born in the 1970s, and worked as a cadre in his unit. The other couple was

more than 10 years younger than me, also a cadre. At the time, my family's living conditions were relatively good, since it was just

my husband and me, and our child was studying at a university in another city. So I chose the older couple and arranged to meet them on May 1st.

I told the young couple they came to my house. I used a method of pasting QQ chat history to

show the authenticity. The young couple also wanted to come on May 1st, but I didn't agree because my house is small; if

six people came, it would be difficult for them to even turn around.

My wife had basically agreed by then, though she wouldn't say, "Okay, I'm willing." But

from her smile and lack of objection, I was certain she wouldn't cause an awkward situation when we actually met.

Many people say that casual sex is

a game only for older couples with a very good emotional foundation. I think that's not entirely true. A strong emotional foundation isn't enough; there also needs to be proper sexual knowledge and

pleasurable sexual experiences. In other words, sex must be seen as a normal human need, a noble

enjoyment. It's not acceptable to see sex as a burden or a one-sided sacrifice. Can someone who is extremely controlling of their

partner and jealous even of talking to someone of the opposite sex be acceptable? Even if their partner is bedridden, they

could serve them for 10 or 20 years, even die in their place. That was foolish love.

On the morning of May 1st, my wife and I had breakfast out and brought

back . My wife started busying herself in the kitchen, and I turned on my computer and logged onto QQ. That's when I saw his

message on QQ: "Sorry, we have something to do today and can't come." I calmly replied with two words

: "Understood." I didn't ask why, because I knew there was probably a communication problem between them, and they had

changed their minds at the last minute. If it really was an emergency, they could have rescheduled; there are seven days in the Golden Week holiday

. I see exchanges like children exchanging cookies for bread or

apples for pears on a spring outing. If the exchange succeeds, there's no gain or loss; if it fails, there's no loss. I told my wife

the news , and then we tidied up the room properly.

The next evening, that young friend saw me on QQ and asked how things went on May 1st.

I told him the truth: they hadn't come. (I'll call him Xiao Yang for convenience.) Xiao Yang

said, "Can we come tomorrow? My wife is a nurse and works shifts, she doesn't get holidays off, so

tomorrow is the only time she's free." I said okay, and then told Xiao Yang my home address and phone number (because

neither of us has a cell phone). Xiao Yang replied, "Okay, we'll come tomorrow morning, but we'll have lunch at your place."

Then he had something to do and left.

I told my wife that some friends were coming tomorrow. To be honest, I didn't believe they would come at all. First, there's an

almost 10-year age difference, and second, the distance is so far. Let alone lunch, if they

take taxis to and from my house, it would cost them enough to eat for a week if they were frugal. But since I had already agreed, I prepared for them to actually come.

The next day, I cooked a pot of salted pork and vegetable rice, and made a dish of bighead carp and vermicelli soup. If they really came, they would

eat together; if not, my wife and I would have two meals. It was already 9:50, and I said to my wife, "They

definitely won't come again." (QQ was open, but there were no messages.) Normally, when visiting

a friend who is both unfamiliar and far away, one should call first to confirm their presence. Just then, the phone rang. It was Xiao Yang, already

in a taxi, asking me to tell the driver which intersection to turn at. I told him it was a shop on the main

street . This made it very easy to find. About ten minutes later, the phone rang again. Xiao Yang told me

they had arrived, so I went downstairs to meet them. I assumed they would be near the shop, but when I opened the door,

they were standing right there at my door, less than a meter apart.

Although I had seen them many times via video, I still sensed their youth. The man was probably

over 1.76 meters tall, lean and strong, while the woman was around 1.6 meters tall and very slender. They were wearing matching dark gray suits,

looking very well-matched. We understood each other without saying a word, and I said, "Come in." After closing the downstairs door, I

led them upstairs. Once home, my wife made them tea, and the two ladies seemed a little embarrassed and didn't speak.

"I really didn't expect you guys to actually come. I think if you were going to come, you should have called to confirm

first . It would be such a waste for you to come all this way if we weren't there," I said. "Yes, to be honest,

we didn't expect you guys to actually be waiting for us either," Xiao Yang replied. "When we came out, I even told

my wife that if you weren't a real person, we were just going to go for a walk and buy some things

. There wouldn't be any waste," Xiao Yang continued to explain.

Next, we talked about how we'd met on QQ. I told him that because we didn't click at first

, I'd deleted him from QQ. The reason was that after only a few sentences about this, he started giving me

a political lecture. Xiao Yang laughed and said it was his safety measure; he was observing me. We both laughed, and

the atmosphere relaxed a bit. I steered the conversation back on track: "The fact that we can sit face-to-face today and have a real

conversation about this matter, regardless of the outcome, is progress in itself." "

Yes, everyone hides behind their screens and dares to say anything. But when it comes to actually doing it, how many of them are truly sincere?

"

"This is what I think: if my husband and I can really succeed in doing this, then we

can truly grow old together." "

What do you mean?" "

Think about it, if we can do this, what else would we be jealous of? What else would we distrust?

" "

Right, I hadn't thought about that before, it's true. It's like someone who's willing to kill,

why would they be afraid of a fight?" Xiao Yang revealed the straightforwardness of a northerner; his words even made the two ladies beside him laugh. Then

he opened his small leather bag and rummaged through it for a long time before taking out his ID card and handing it to me.

This action surprised me. But I still took it and looked at it, only very quickly,

probably no more than two seconds, before handing it back to him. He showing it to me was his sincerity; it would

n't . Actually, I only saw the words "1965." Then everyone talked about their ages. I'm

12 years older than him, and my wife is 12 years older than him. We're both 4 years older than our wives. It's like two snakes and two

chickens.

Then Xiao Yang asked me what kind of wine I had for lunch. I said there was no wine because I hadn't expected you guys to actually come,

so I only prepared some salted rice and soup. If you want wine, ask my wife to buy some. Then Xiao Yang took the money and handed it to me...

My wife insisted on going to buy it herself, and she also wanted my wife to go with her. I couldn't stop her, and Xiao Yang

pushed the two women outside. After they left and closed the door, Xiao Yang said to me, "I wanted those two

women to leave so it would be easier for the two of us men to talk. My wife couldn't resist me; I used both soft and hard

tactics She's never had a relationship with another man before; she's a bit stubborn, but she's really, really

good to me. I genuinely want her to be more open-minded. What era are we living in?"

I said I understood, and Xiao Yang continued, "So I wanted to let you know in advance. If we can

exchange partners later, that would be best. If not, we can just do it ourselves. We can find another opportunity to exchange partners later." I said

, "That's perfectly fine. Actually, my wife has never been in contact with other men either. She

hadn't even had a boyfriend before she met me. Just having dinner today, without doing anything else, already completes 33%

. Doing it ourselves in the same room completes 66% (because we only have one room). If we can exchange partners

, that completes 100%." "

After a long time, they returned, bringing wine and other groceries. My wife busied herself in the kitchen.

The three of us—Xiao Yang, his wife, and I—talked about our past work and studies in the room, waiting for lunch. (To be continued)

As we ate and chatted, Xiao Yang repeatedly emphasized his point: 'We came here purely for

sex, it has nothing to do with love.' I completely agreed: 'It really has nothing to do with love. I'm here entirely to help

our own marriage break through so we can adapt to the lifestyle that might become popular in the future. Perhaps we can still

catch the last train.'

After we finished lunch and cleaned the table, I made them some tea. Xiao Yang was the first to pull

his wife to sit on the sofa and start being affectionate. Seeing that I didn't react, he gestured to me with his eyes. I understood

the meaning , of course; the ball was in my court, and I had no choice but to go along with it.

I said to my wife, 'Go outside and wash up.' My wife obediently went to the kitchen.

A , she returned to the room after washing up." But she still put all her clothes on.

Seeing my wife come back inside after showering outside, Xiao Yang and his group became more aggressive, but his wife

was still resisting awkwardly. I said to my wife, "Why did you put your clothes on? Aren't you going to take them off again?

It's like taking off your pants to fart—completely unnecessary." Most of my complaint was just to lighten the mood. My wife

smiled awkwardly, and I started helping her undress; thankfully, she didn't resist much. We were like pushing a heavy cart uphill

, on the verge of rolling back. So, my wife and I lay down on the bed. My wife's hands and feet were ice-cold from nervousness;

normally, even in winter, they're warm. I was completely helpless, utterly at a loss. (

Later I thought, if it were the first time in two separate rooms, it might be easier

—like skipping first grade and going straight to second.) After about twenty minutes of this, I was still like a withered grape—just a thin layer of skin;

the more anxious I became, the less I reacted. I said to Xiao Yang, "You two come to the bed, we'll go outside, we won't

watch you." My wife and I went to the kitchen outside. That way, we couldn't see each other, essentially in two separate

rooms. But outside, no matter how hard my wife tried, I didn't react at all. I knew I was

tense. It was entirely psychological, definitely not organic, because I'm usually perfectly

fine. It might also be due to my age; after all, I'm in my early fifties.

We only had one small chair in the kitchen, so my wife sat facing me on my lap. (Because

it was a last-minute decision to go out, otherwise we should have brought two larger chairs.) I knew it was impossible

to . Because the chair was small, our bellies were pressed tightly together, and my wife

couldn't reach down to massage me. She couldn't reach my area from behind either. So,

my wife and I started talking about other things. ("Surprisingly" is a Shanghai dialect term, implying a sense of recklessness or

giving up .) This was actually a very good choice in that situation, to distract myself and

relax. Although I have the ability to self-regulate, I tried thinking about or talking about extremely exciting or crazy

things or experiences. However, this only

works nervousness.

After about twenty minutes, we got tired of sitting on the small chairs, especially since one person was pressing down on the other

. We stood up to sit on the large sofa in the room. I deliberately said to my wife, "Come on,

let's go to the sofa inside." Actually, I said it for Xiao Yang and the others to hear. If they said, "Hey,

don't come in," we wouldn't go in. After a few seconds of silence, we went in

and sat on the sofa.

Looking at the bed, they were engaged in normal activities, the only unusual thing being Xiao Yang's wife, who had

tightly covered her eyes with her forearms. I knew this was a

sign of both reluctance and extreme shyness. I looked at my wife, who was much more relaxed than her. I

lightly tapped Xiao Yang's wife's shoulder a few times with my right index finger and said, "Hey, you should get off." She seemed to have received a pardon, and in a

flash she jumped off the bed as if fleeing. My wife, a little shy but without hesitation, just gave me a sidelong glance and

went to bed. Our rekindled romance proceeded smoothly. Although Xiao Yang's wife was much

younger, prettier, and slimmer than my wife, I had no intention or desire to even look at her. My attention was entirely focused on

my wife, on how to seize this rare opportunity and make my long-cherished wish come

true. Perhaps it was Xiao Yang's youth, or perhaps it was the novelty of meeting someone new. After a while, they started

discussing changing positions. Over the next hour or so, they rolled over several times.

Xiao Yang was already sweating; I saw beads of sweat dripping from his forehead. My wife was also sweating profusely, her

sweat running down to her tailbone. Only then did I turn to look at Xiao Yang's wife; she was fully dressed.

The battle in bed was drawing to a close; the natural reactions of the man and woman were familiar and easily imagined

. I cannot describe the actions of four people simultaneously. It can only be said step by step that

I—my wife—Xiao Yang—Xiao Yang's wife, all took actions at almost the same time.

Because I witnessed the final impact up close, seeing my wife's physical reaction and the trembling of her body,

the moment Xiao Yang got off the bed, I was the first to see the mysterious scene between her legs, which hadn't yet closed.

My body reacted like a slow-motion replay of a car airbag deploying on TV. I

instantly became erect. (Because I usually only see this after I've experienced the peak

.) I understood that a woman's body at that moment was like an iron that had been ironing for two hours suddenly having

its power —the residual heat was still scorching. As soon as I lay on top of my wife, I was enveloped by her limbs, and

the aftershocks of her trembling still occurred occasionally. We didn't exchange words because the guests were still there, but we communicated with our eyes.

In our smiling eyes, there was only approval, no jealousy.

The moment Xiao Yang landed, I saw he was covered in sweat. He looked a bit like a boxer who had lasted twelve rounds until the bell

rang , without being knocked down. He looked somewhat exhausted. (This is actually a common virtue among men. So men

are both cheap and pathetic.) Xiao Yang sat on the sofa and asked his wife to light him a cigarette. But his

wife was really kind; she wiped his sweat with a handkerchief, helped him put on his clothes, and even knelt down to put on his socks. Her

heartache was palpable.

I whispered in my wife's ear, "We'll come back tonight." I got up and put on my clothes, and my wife

went to the bathroom to get dressed as well. Our first meeting was basically over. Xiao Yang said they

had other things to do. Xiao Yang's wife said, "*Master, I know you're a good person, but it's my

first time today, and I'm so nervous. You and your sister are welcome to visit us sometime." I

saw to a street where they could hail a cab, shook hands, and said goodbye.

After seeing them off, we cleaned the room. The rest of the process, from dinner to washing the dishes, was exactly

the same as usual. But when I went online, my wife, contrary to her usual habit of watching TV by herself, leaned

against me. We browsed interesting websites together, and she inquired about and appreciated the content with great interest. I

felt that her "software" of thinking had been upgraded. Of course, the potential of her "hardware"

was also fully utilized in subsequent interactions.

This is how I see it: this step we took together was aimed at mutual health and happiness.

However, in practice, it's impossible to guarantee a perfect balance. In other words, in a

social activity, the happiness gained by either partner should be shared by both spouses. Without this shared understanding, we

can only remain at the initial stage of dating, not yet at the higher level of accepting excellent single men and women.

Furthermore, based on my understanding of menopause in women, physiological factors only account for 30% of the impact on women in this age group

; psychological factors actually account for the vast majority. This can manifest as a lack of attention, care, and concern

; or a clear sense of loss, from past smiles to present harsh words,

and so on . Therefore, socializing can rekindle past passions and help my wife, who has weathered many storms with me

, smoothly navigate menopause. This should be a move where the benefits outweigh the drawbacks.

There's a song very familiar to people of our age, popular in the early 1980s… "

Twenty years from now, we'll meet again, raise our glasses to praise the heroes, to whom does the glory belong…" The beautiful melody remains, but more than twenty years

have passed in the blink of an eye. The next twenty years will arrive in the blink of an eye as well. I hope that

twenty years from now, we can also raise a glass with the friends we were fortunate enough to meet…" May we

meet again then, raise our glasses to praise the heroes, to whom does the glory belong? To you, to me, to this generation that understands

… (The End)

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Our first friendship, and the consensus we reached simultaneously.

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