【once】

page views:1 Publication date:2023-03-23

When I saw Qing again, she had been dead for ten years.

That day, granular snowflakes drifted down, and the wind blew from the north, seeping into my collar. As I

had to turn up my collar, I saw a red figure approaching in the dim distance—a girl. She

had her head down, her long black hair cascading down her back. Her red winter coat stood out starkly in the wind.

The girl in red brushed past me.

It was long after she had gone that I remembered her name was Qing, Qing who had been dead for ten years.

**********************

A lewd atmosphere filled the room, thanks to the arrival of A-Xia. A-Xia always brought this kind of

scent into my room. I frowned in disgust and pushed her away from my embrace.

"What? Don't you like my new perfume?" She sniffed her armpits strangely. "

I have a headache," I said. "

I don't have a girlfriend. Look, I have this two-bedroom apartment, but I don't have a girlfriend." Chen Jinlu

said, "That's a waste of resources. Why don't you lend it to me?" I didn't agree. I knew that if I

lent him the house, it would immediately turn into a brothel.

I think the reason I don't have a girlfriend is because Xia keeps bothering me.

Look, she's bothering me again today. It's freezing outside, but she's only wearing a thin cardigan,

her breasts large they barely cover her navel. Even so, she's still complaining about how hot it is in my room.

I said, "Do you remember Qing?"

"What Qing? I don't know her. What I want to know is why it's so hot here."

"Think carefully, she was in your class in junior high.

" "I want to take my clothes off, it's too hot in here," Xia said. "

Whatever," I said.

You'd never guess, but Xia actually took off her top. She wasn't wearing a bra, which shocked me. Her

white breasts swayed back and forth in front of her, making me dizzy.

I said, "What are you doing?" "

I'm hot, touch me, I'm sweating all over."

I really admire Xia's courage; she actually dared to take my hand and place it on her pale breasts.

Unbelievable. I grinned and said, "So you can sweat here too." "

You're so annoying!"

Xia pouted her bright red lips and gave me a sidelong glance. You know, if someone doesn't have a talent for acting,

they'd better keep their performance in check. Because some of their gestures can make men tremble.

Later, I still decided to squeeze Xia's breasts. I can tell you, this is the first time I've touched Xia's

breasts . Before, I was too lazy to touch her, even though I didn't have a woman around me, I was too lazy to touch Xia. But that day I

did, and I thought, well, Xia has followed me for so long, Chen Jinlu always warned me not to waste resources.

But this is definitely not the first time I've touched a woman's breasts; the first breasts I touched were my sister's, I'll tell you about that

later .

Xia made strange noises from her nose when I started squeezing her breasts. She slumped in my arms like a rag doll,

humming with her eyes closed.

Really? I suspected she was putting on a show.

"Ugh, I'm excited." "Hurry up, don't stop."

I had to continue, Xia's hot breath hitting my face. "Kiss me," she said. I

looked at her glossy lips; she'd probably used up an entire tube of lipstick. Her mouth was slightly open, her tongue

darting around the edges of her lips.

I finally decided to kiss her. Since I'd already touched her breasts, why not kiss her?

Honestly, Xia's lips were incredibly sexy, moist and soft, so comfortable to touch. Xia slipped her

tongue into my mouth to entice it, and I bit her hard.

"Ouch, you're going to kill me!" Xia hissed.

I laughed. I think I might have sadistic tendencies; I bit Xia's tongue, and you know I really

enjoyed it.

Xia suddenly pounced on me, "Go ahead and bite me!" she cried coquettishly, tearing at my clothes with both hands.

You know she wasn't really angry; maybe she was secretly pleased, finally finding an excuse to rip my

clothes .

I thought, fine, let her rip them off. After all, I bit her.

Xia pinned me down on the sofa and quickly stripped me naked. I saw my penis proudly

erect in the center of my body. "Do you dare bite?" I asked Xia.

I know my mind is dirty; I like watching a woman lick my penis. Only when she licks my

penis can she truly be conquered by me. You know Xia definitely will lick it.

I doubt Xia has the money to buy expensive lipstick; my penis was already

covered in . I said, "Xia, look, I'm not a virgin anymore; you've taken my virginity.

" Xia still has a sense of humor; she spat my penis out and laughed heartily. My penis

stood alone, erect, near her mouth.

Xia said, "Why don't you take off my clothes?"

I said, "Take them off yourself."

Xia glared at me and took off her pants. Her buttocks were white and big, making me swallow hard

several times . My only complaint about her was her thick pubic hair; I don't like women with too much pubic hair. You

know, when I was very young, I slept in the same bed with my mother, and while she was asleep, my little hand would slip inside her

underwear. Her pubic hair was plentiful and stiff; I can still feel the prickly sensation to this day.

Xia started sucking my penis again, turning her buttocks towards my face. I knew what she wanted—

she wanted me to lick her. Would I lick it?

Of course not. I smelled a mixture of urine and perfume on Xia's genitals. Had she sprayed that dizzying substance

there too? I spread her legs. Her genitals

were relatively clean; her labia, hidden by pubic hair, were pink, and there was a glistening, sticky discharge at the vaginal opening. Xia forcefully lowered

her buttocks, trying to make my lips touch her labia. At the same time, she vigorously shook her head up and down, making my

penis spit in and out of her mouth to arouse me.

I was aroused, but I didn't want to lick her. Watching her labia slowly approach my lips, I had

no choice but to raise a finger and suddenly insert it into her vagina. You know what it means to be quick-witted in a crisis.

Xia let out a painful cry.

I felt a surge of pleasure; I've mentioned I have sadistic tendencies.

Xia turned her hips around, then stared at me with seductive eyes and said, "What's the rush?"

I'd always thought Xia was a sex expert, because she seemed familiar with the whole process. You know

this isn't my first time; I know what a girl's first time is like, but I never imagined it would

be like Xia.

Xia kissed my face, neck, and chest with her cheap-looking lipstick-covered lips, while one hand roamed over my body

, and her other hand grabbed my penis, rubbing it against her genitals a couple of times. I thrust my

hips forward, my penis plunging into her vagina.

"Ah..."

I truly felt Xia's pain this time; her eyes seemed to be brimming with tears. My God, I

simply couldn't imagine Xia crying. How could Xia cry?

Xia was in so much pain that she squeezed her legs together, preventing me from making any movement. Do you think I could stop at a time like this?

I grabbed Xia's legs and forcefully spread them apart. Xia said, "Gently, please." You know

how happy I felt when I heard her beg me. I didn't care whether she begged or not; I just wanted to have my own pleasure.

I pulled my penis out of her vagina and then thrust it back in violently.

"Ah..." "No, I can't take it anymore."

I did the same, thrusting again.

"Ah..."

Xia's expression was truly pitiful; tears squeezed from her tightly closed eyes. I thought, "Let's stop now,

don't make her suffer too much."

So I began the proper act of sex. You know how incredibly monotonous this action is; I always felt it was like a

rural water pump, repeatedly pressing down just to pump water up, while the real pleasure was actually in

the moment the well water gushed out.

I knew I was about to ejaculate. I could feel a warm rush filling my urethra, and my lower back

started to go numb. I knew I was going to ejaculate.

Finally, I did.

You know I ejaculated inside Xia's body. I didn't realize then that this might change my fate.

Later, I found my penis covered in blood. "No way," I said, "You're not a virgin, are you?"

Xia ignored me, tears still streaming down her face. She said, "Why the hell were you so cruel! It hurts so much

!"

I said, "I knew you weren't a virgin. This is your lipstick."

************************

I've always been unwilling to admit that Xia was a virgin, but I really can't explain the blood on my penis.

Xia didn't give me a clear answer that day. She didn't give me a clear answer that day. Later, she

went to the bathroom alone to wash herself clean, took out perfume from her bag, sprayed it on her neck, armpits, and genitals, and then

put on thick winter clothes.

She said to me, "I really can't remember the Qing you mentioned. Don't ask me anymore.

" I said, "No way, she's in your class."

Xia said, "If you don't believe me, I'll show you our class's graduation photo."

"No need," I said, "she definitely won't be in the photo. She died in the second year of junior high."

Xia stared at me for a long time, then rolled her eyes and said, "Are you crazy?"

************************

You know I've always longed for a nomadic life. I think it's incredibly pleasant for an unkempt man to travel

the . Therefore, I want to grow a beard, buy a pair of faded jeans,

and have a brown travel bag. Every time I deposit money at the bank, I think that maybe one day I'll take this

money and run away from home, traveling the world, preferably on foot, even if it's all of China or the entire province. In my mind

, there's always this image: a weathered man walking away in the sunset, it must

be autumn. He turns back, leaving a deep gaze, his hair and beard

fluttering in the autumn wind.

*************************

I really can't remember when I first met Qing, but it was definitely in summer, maybe before I was in

the second year of junior high.

For a long time, whenever I closed my eyes, I could see a beautiful girl with long, flowing hair

bathing under soft lighting; her body was as white and gleaming as an ice sculpture.

Men all have voyeuristic tendencies, especially a man in his adolescence. That night, I spied on Qing,

and for a long time, I was too ashamed to talk about it. All of this was thanks to Chen Jinlu. You know he

was a notorious bad student at school. Nobody wanted to be friends with him, except me.

When Chen Jinlu mysteriously pulled me out of the classroom, I had no idea what he was going to do. I only sensed his

legs trembling with excitement. We moved through the thick darkness of the campus like two hungry wolves hunting for food.

Our school's girls' dormitory consisted of two rows of single-story buildings. All the students had gone to evening self-study, leaving only two dorm rooms

with lights on . When we reached the back window, we could already hear the faint sound of splashing water. This sound made my heart race with excitement,

and I heard Chen Jinlu swallow loudly.

The gap in the curtains was tiny, but I could still see the girl bathing inside. Before this, I had never

seen Qing on campus. Qing was wearing a printed tank top and white underwear. She was wiping

her . Her legs were long and straight, and her feet were as white as lotus roots. I have a foot fetish, and I

've always drooled over girls' tender feet. I simply couldn't believe there was such a beautiful girl in our school.

Chen Jinlu was anxiously searching for another gap, his head bobbing up and down and left and right around the back window

, looking impatient.

Qing later took off the only two pieces of underwear she was wearing. It was then that I started to feel dizzy. She stood

naked under the dim light, which made me feel as if she was shrouded in a holy halo. Her breasts were small and

cute, like two little steamed buns pointing upwards, with pink areolas and nipples that were still sunken in. She

splashed water on herself, and the water droplets shimmered and rolled lightly on her skin. Her genitals were clean and

flawless after being washed with water, with only a few faint downy hairs sticking to her mons pubis. The thin slit of flesh made my genitals throb with

pain .

Qing left me with an impression like an oil painting that day; she seemed to ignite a long-dormant desire within me. I

think my first voyeurism experience must have had some psychological impact on me, especially in terms of sexuality. Perhaps this is why I've grown

up disliking women with large breasts and lots of pubic hair.

However, just as I was getting excited about Qing, Chen Jinlu ran into trouble. I heard a loud "bang"—his

head had hit the window. Chen Jinlu was such a clumsy person. He was too hasty, too nervous, and too

careless. Everything he had planned ultimately came to naught; he saw nothing, only heard the sound of splashing water.

Later, he said that at the time, he kept seeing a wet body flashing in his mind, but he didn't see anything.

There was only a small gap in the curtain, but it was open for me. He struggled with all his might, only to end up with his head stuck

in the window.

We were both stunned by the loud noise. If you were a classmate of ours ten years ago, you might have

witnessed our panicked escape from the girls' dormitory. You'll see two pale-faced eighth-grade boys running frantically along the school paths in the night

.

***************************

When Chen Jinlu knocked on the door, I was rummaging through drawers, searching for a flute that felt like it had been there for ages. I felt like I

was truly sick, just like A-Xia had said, and terminally ill at that. I suddenly remembered this flute during my afternoon nap, which

made me late for work. I spent the whole afternoon anxiously searching for it at home. It should be a reddish-

brown flute; in my memory, it was very old. When the music teacher handed it to me, I was greatly disappointed.

I had always wanted a yellow flute with black markings, but the music teacher

gave me this heavy, old-fashioned flute and patted me on the shoulder, saying, "Practice hard." I really wanted to quit

the band then; if it weren't for hearing Qing playing the dulcimer, I might have actually done so. Qing's dulcimer music kept

me there. After the music teacher's accident, the school canceled music classes for a long time, and the flute

remained with me; I didn't hand it in.

Now, I suddenly remembered the flute; it should be somewhere in my room. I don't know

why so desperately wanted to find this instrument I had abandoned so long ago. I was hopelessly filthy,

covered in cobwebs and dust. The first piece I learned, "Night at the Naval Port," kept playing in my ears. My flute playing wasn't

melodious; it was interspersed with crackling sounds.

In the end, I was disappointed. The flute was gone; perhaps I had thrown it in the trash long ago, or maybe

burned it as firewood. I sat on a dusty cardboard box, panting heavily, like a decrepit old man.

Chen Jinlu's knocking saved me; otherwise, I think I would have sat on that box until late at night.

When Chen Jinlu entered my room with a woman, he brought in a cool breeze, and I smelled

perfume. It was already dark outside, and Chen Jinlu turned on the light for me. He looked at the mess in front of him in surprise

and said, "What are you doing? Moving?"

I said no, I'm catching mice.

Chen Jinlu grinned. Chen Jinlu smiled, and I knew bad things were about to happen. "

Let me introduce you, this is my new girlfriend, her name is Mimosa." Chen Jinlu proudly touched the woman's face

beside him .

I've always had doubts about Chen Jinlu's taste. I don't know where he picked up Mimosa from.

Her clothes were disheartening. Her white top was almost see-through, and her pink bra was tackyly peeking out. She

even dared to wear her neckline so low, revealing a patch of breast with two black moles. A golden pendant was conspicuously hidden in her

deep cleavage; she probably thought it was sexy. Her legs were a bit thick, and the edge of her underwear was clearly visible outside

her skirt . Her sandals were the kind without back straps; if you removed the extremely high heels, you would think she was wearing

slippers. Her feet had prominent veins, long, thin toes, and bright red nail polish.

I said, "Chen Jinlu, do you remember Qing?"

Qing? What Qing? Right now, all I see is Mimosa.

I saw the woman named Mimosa pinch Chen Jinlu's butt hard.

Chen Jinlu chuckled and whispered in my ear, "Hey buddy, I need a favor. Can I borrow your place tonight?"

I said, "You really don't remember Qing?"

Chen Jinlu said, "Don't interrupt, I'm talking to you about something serious."

This wasn't the first time Chen Jinlu had asked to borrow my place, but I'd never lent it to him. I said, "Okay, go ahead

.

Thanks, buddy!"

You know, when someone gets carried away, they always reveal their true colors. Chen Jinlu was like that.

As soon as I agreed, he pushed me by the back, trying to kick me out. "

Buddy, I'll treat you later, no need to see me out tonight."

I said, "Be careful, don't get my sheets dirty."

Chen Jinlu said, "It's such an honor for your sheets to have my semen on them! Don't you dare wash them later,

keep them as a permanent souvenir."

I said, "Go to hell!"

Just as I was about to go downstairs, Chen Jinlu suddenly said, "Wait a minute, I remember now, Qing...

you remember?" I broke out in a cold sweat. "

Isn't that the little vixen from the next class?" Chen Jinlu's laughter rang out loudly outside my door. "

How did you remember her?" "She died ten years ago.

I saw her last month." I said.

"What?" Chen Jinlu's laughter stopped abruptly, and I could hear his teeth clanging loudly. "You'd better

leave quickly."

Chen Jinlu slammed the door shut in a panic, the sound echoing hollowly in the hallway.

***********************

A-Xia witnessed the entire process of Chen Jinlu and Mimosa making love.

After being kicked out by Chen Jinlu, I called A-Xia and said, "A-Xia, I miss you, come to my place."

Xia was clearly flustered by this unprecedented courtesy. She said, "Wait here, I'll be right there." I told her, "

You don't need to knock when you come. Don't you have a key to my house? Just come straight into my bedroom; I have a

surprise for you.

" Xia later told me that when she heard that, she immediately became aroused.

*************************

I once harbored impure thoughts about Qing, but I never told anyone, not even Chen Jinlu.

The small band had activities three times a week, which became the happiest time of my second year of junior high. Qing's dulcimer sat by

the window in the activity room, the setting sun shining obliquely in, bathing her in its light. I always sat to Qing's left and slightly behind, watching her wave

her delicate arms, striking out lively notes. She liked to wear red clothes, which made her skin appear

even more delicate, almost translucent. She leaned forward slightly, a strand of hair hanging down, leisurely dangling beside

her almost transparent ear. Her neck was smooth and rounded, her chest slightly upturned, her two round little legs crossed

, her feet looking small and cute in sandals, her delicate toes sparking all sorts of fantasies.

During each activity, I devoted more time to Qing, thus becoming

the slowest progressing member of the small band.

Chen Jinlu repeatedly tried to persuade me to leave the band, saying, "Why do you play that thing all the time?" I replied, "Is it any of your business?"

I know that no one but Qing could make me leave the band.

Once, perhaps I stared at her for too long, she actually turned and glanced at me. You can imagine

how excited I was; I trembled and managed to play several consecutive vibrato notes. All the classmates could see

my flushed face. Qing smiled at me and then continued playing her dulcimer. That smile of hers

remains vivid in my memory to this day.

I don't know if a second-year junior high boy can experience love; perhaps my feelings for Qing were just a kind of

adolescent sexual awakening. But you can't deny all my memories of Qing.

**************************

Xia said, "You know what? That day was the first time I saw other people having sex."

I said, "Is it strange?"

Xia said, "Of course! Unlike you, they're so worldly-wise. As soon as I opened your bedroom door, I sensed something was wrong; I could hear

a woman moaning coming from your bedroom. All women are very sensitive to these things; my first thought

was that you were cheating on me. I quietly went to your bedroom door; the door wasn't closed properly. Guess

what I saw?

I saw them having sex."

"It couldn't be that fast. They were kissing, but they were already naked. I never expected Chen Jinlu

's to be so big.

...

You won't be angry if I say this, will you? Who told you to deliberately let me see? I won't say much about Chen Jinlu,

but that woman...

her name is Mimosa.

What? Mimosa? Hahaha... don't make me laugh to death! She's not shy at all, you didn't know,

she's a 'white tiger,' her genitals are completely bare.

Isn't Chen Jinlu going to be in trouble?

He's not as old-fashioned as you. I heard him drooling and saying she's a fucking stunner.

Hmph...

people say women with high mons pubis have strong sex drives, I don't know if it's true. Anyway, Chen Jinlu couldn't get enough

of . He started by using his hand to tease her, and the woman seemed to enjoy it. Later, he just buried his face

in her genitals, biting and licking. You never lick me there, now I'll see how happy a woman is to be licked."

Mimosa tried her best to spread her legs apart, twisting her hips to meet Chen Jinlu's tongue. I could

hear Chen Jinlu making smacking sounds as if he were savoring a delicious treat. The woman closed her eyes, rubbing her breasts with both hands;

her lower body was already overflowing with lustful fluids. "

Your lower body is overflowing with lustful fluids too, isn't it?"

"Ugh! Do I want to hear it or not? Do you know what Mimosa calls Chen Jinlu?" "Call me dear brother." She called out repeatedly, "

Dear brother, oh... I can't take it anymore... um, dear brother, insert it into me... ah..." As she called out,

she grabbed Chen Jinlu's penis and tried to shove it into her lower body. Chen Jinlu was really skilled; he flipped the woman over,

making her bend over, and then inserted it from behind. The woman closed her eyes, looking extremely pleased; her moans

were top-notch, capable of many variations: "um... ah... ouch... oh... dear brother... insert... faster

..." Chen Jinlu slammed his penis against her buttocks with loud slapping sounds, his penis covered in sticky fluid, making a squelching sound as it went in.

Eventually, the woman clearly couldn't take it anymore; her body convulsed, and she cried out, "Brother, I can't take it anymore, I'm going to die!" Then she collapsed

onto the bed. Chen Jinlu wasn't about to let her go; he flipped her over and continued fucking her. This guy was really something; even the woman

was exhausted , but he was still full of energy. He put the woman's legs on his shoulders, kneading her breasts with both hands,

gritting his teeth and thrusting into her with all his might. Later, he couldn't take it anymore either, his breathing became heavy, and he kept moaning. The woman pushed against his

stomach, as if to prevent him from ejaculating inside, so Chen Jinlu pulled out and sprayed it on her face.

What were you doing while they were having sex?

...Me, what could I be doing?

You were masturbating, weren't you?

How did you know? Ugh, it's so uncomfortable watching, my hand just unconsciously reached down there.

How could I stand this kind of stimulation? It's all your fault!

You should thank me.

Pah! Get out of here! ...But watching others have sex is really exhilarating. Just talking about

it all wet down there. Feel it, feel it...

***************************

Ah Xia wasn't my first girlfriend. Before her, I had four, but they all ended. Women are

like shoes; if they don't fit, you change them. Ah Xia was the only one who actively pursued me. You have no idea how annoyed I was with her, but

after she kept bothering me for so long, I finally figured it out. Since they're all shoes, whether they're pointed, square, or three-

piece , they're all the same—they're worn on the feet, aren't they?

***************************

I think I told you about touching my sister's breasts before. Actually, it was just

a moment of . I know I shouldn't have done it, and I've regretted it ever since. Blaming

Qing for it might be unfair to her. But that moment of confusion did indeed stem from my spying on her.

At that time, my family lived in a noisy, crowded courtyard. The house was extremely small; my parents lived in one room, while

my sister had to share a large bed in the outer room. My sister was three years older than me, and we had a very good relationship; we never argued over where to sleep.

Feeling uncomfortable sharing a bed, we sometimes even slept under the same blanket. This continued

until my sister graduated from high school.

Actually, I never spoke a word to Qing; I was always secretly watching her. Even in the small band,

where there were many opportunities to interact, I turned them all down, preferring to hide behind her and secretly observe her.

At that time, I had many fantasies about Qing, which were mostly fulfilled in bed.

After my sister turned off the lights and went to sleep, I would begin my boundless imagination. I could see Qing smiling at me from a corner far away,

her naked, white body covered in glistening water droplets. In my imagination, Qing's figure was always

blurry .

You might not believe it, but this kind of imagination brought me pain. I always felt a certain

desire constantly swelling within me, and I desperately suppressed its growth, but I knew that one day

I would be unable to extricate myself.

It was under these circumstances that I touched my sleeping sister late one night, and she

was completely unaware . I can still remember the feeling of my sister's breasts between my fingers—firm and elastic. I've been depressed about this for a long

time . Those few days, my sister thought I was sick and asked me with concern what was wrong. I

yelled at her rudely, "Leave me alone!"

****************************

I don't know if you believe in karma, but later I did. I once tricked Xia into coming to my house to watch Chen Jinlu

and Hanxiucao's real lovemaking. Not long after, I actually saw Xia having sex. I knew God

would punish me one day.

****************************

For a month, I've been wandering the street where I met Qing again, hoping to see her again. I think

she'll give me that chance. Ten years ago, when she disappeared from my life, my grades

plummeted . Later, I wanted to change schools. Every time I walked on the campus paths, I could hear

the sound of a dulcimer, but by then, the school band had disbanded, and the music teacher had been sent home.

You probably can't even imagine how lost I felt then. I told my mom I didn't want to go to school anymore, and she glared

at me for a long time and said, "Then you'll have to go begging on the streets." My older sister, who attends the same high school, once questioned me in detail about Qing one

evening . I could only tell her I didn't know. She looked at me distrustfully and said, "You

don't know? The whole school knows, how could you not know?"

Indeed, the rumors about Qing and the music teacher had caused quite a stir in our school.

******************************

You know, I hadn't left my room; I was in the bathroom. I first heard a knock,

then the lock clicked a few times, and someone entered the room. I knew it was Xia; only she had a key to our house.

Even while I was on the toilet, I could still smell that awful perfume when she came in.

I heard Xia mutter disappointedly, "You rascal, where have you been?"

Just as I stood up to flush the toilet, I heard another knock. Xia exclaimed in surprise

and ran to open the door, "Honey, you're here… Oh, sorry, it's Jinlu."

Xia? Chen Jinlu's voice sounded somewhat frivolous. I didn't know why this guy would

appear . "We haven't seen each other in a long time, Xia."

Yes… yes. I could imagine Xia's face was flushed. Chen Jinlu hadn't seen Xia for a while,

but Xia had seen him not long ago.

What? That guy's not here?

Ah, yes, come in and sit down.

Did he go to see Qing again?

Qing? Who's Qing?

Ugh! That guy, I think he's bewitched.

Oh, I think I heard him mention it, were they...?

Never mind, that person's been dead for over ten years. That guy, how could he bear to leave such a beautiful

girlfriend alone at home?

Yeah, you want some Coke? He's not like you, so nice to Mimosa.

Mimosa? How do you know Mimosa?

Ah? Oh... yes... I heard it from him.

Xia, you're so charming when you blush.

Really?

I know Chen Jinlu isn't a good person, he's a playboy, calling him a playboy is too kind. I

should have left earlier, I had a premonition something was going to happen, but I sat on the toilet without moving, I don't understand

why I was so indifferent.

"Ah Xia..."

Chen Jinlu called softly, followed by silence. I could hear their breathing growing heavier. I

guessed Chen Jinlu had grabbed Ah Xia's hand.

"Ah Xia, let me kiss you..."

Chen Jinlu said shamelessly again. "

No, don't... you're friends...

Ah Xia, you don't know how charming you are. Actually, I've liked you since school. Your looks, your skin,

your body, they drive me crazy. Ah Xia, just one kiss, just one kiss, okay... no... Jinlu...

no... um... ooh..."

Chen Jinlu had finally succeeded. What followed would be natural and smooth sailing. I heard Ah Xia's familiar

moans . I could imagine Chen Jinlu kissing Ah Xia with intense passion. He was an expert; he

could make any woman feel his passion when doing this.

"No... Jinlu, no, you said you'd only kiss me once..."

I knew Chen Jinlu had a new move. His hands would skillfully roam over Ah Xia's body, his final

target undoubtedly her breasts. "

Your breasts are so soft!" Even while kissing, Chen Jinlu didn't forget to compliment her. "Ah Xia, can I see your

breasts ?"

"No, Jinlu, no, he could be back anytime. Let's stop here."

"Ah Xia, he won't be back so soon. I only want to look once. I really like you so much…

Be gentle… Or… let's lock the door first…"

This slut, actually giving him advice. I heard Chen Jinlu happily lock the door from the inside, then run

back and pounce on Ah Xia.

Ah Xia said, "Jinlu, you have to keep your word. You can only look once.

Ah Xia, your breasts are so beautiful…"

"Oh...you're making me nervous."

Chen Jinlu made a slurping sound; he must be sucking on A-Xia's breasts.

"Jinlu...oh, stop, no, no, you can't take my pants off."

But A-Xia's voice was weak and powerless. Amidst a series of rustling sounds, I knew that A-Xia's clothes had been

stripped off by Chen Jinlu. If you had been there, you might have seen them entangled and rolling on the sofa,

A-Xia's snow-white body heaving beneath Chen Jinlu.

"Jinlu, don't do this, I...I can't take it...

A-Xia, I want you, I'll love you properly.

" I heard A-Xia vaguely calling out Jinlu...oh...Jinlu...

Actually, I believe A-Xia isn't a frivolous person; she only indulges herself in front of me, but that day she fell for

Chen Jinlu's tricks. I've reflected on this matter before, and I think that perhaps it was because I had been too cold and

indifferent she craved the false flattery and fleeting stimulation of people like Chen Jinlu.

During the time A-Xia and Chen Jinlu were making love, I never left the bathroom. But I could still hear the

heavy . Xia's cries were more unrestrained than before, filled with longing and release. I knew she

had experienced all the passion Chen Jinlu had ever felt before under his tongue. Chen Jinlu would suckle her breasts forcefully, circling her nipples with

his tongue , and lingering on her vulva for a long time. He would gently bite her labia with his teeth and

tap her clitoris with the tip of his tongue. Xia finally enjoyed the pleasure of being tasted by a man. She must have held

Chen Jinlu's head with both hands, pressing his mouth hard into her vagina.

Chen Jinlu said, "Xia, I'm going to fuck you."

Ah… Xia sighed.

They had finally made love. I use the word "made love" perhaps because of my unbalanced state of mind, but I

really couldn't find any other words to describe what they were doing right under my nose.

The sounds of Chen Jinlu and Xia's genitals colliding filled my ears. Chen Jinlu, panting, asked Xia if she was beautiful?

"Mmm… Ah…," Xia answered him with rapid moans.

Chen Jinlu quickened his pace; I guessed he was also afraid I'd suddenly appear, so he wanted to finish quickly. His

movements made A-Xia's moans grow shorter and shorter. Ah, ah, oh dear, ah…

Chen Jinlu said, "I'm going to cum."

I heard him let out a satisfied cry, and then everything fell silent.

They finished, and I couldn't guess what they were thinking. This deathly silence lasted for almost three

minutes ; perhaps they were naked, embracing each other, savoring the moment. A smell of sweat mixed with semen wafted

in through the crack in the door.

Later, Chen Jinlu said, "How was it, A-Xia? I did alright, didn't I?"

A-Xia said, "You can leave

now." Chen Jinlu said, "Don't pretend to be so indifferent, okay? You weren't like this just now."

A-Xia said, "Go away!

What's wrong? Why the change of attitude after you put your pants on?"

A-Xia said, "Get out!"

I don't know what their affair meant to me. You must think I was

furious and therefore infer that I hate them. But you might be wrong; while they were making love, I was as calm as still water.

************************

Qing got into trouble, which caused her to disappear from my life in less than half a year since I met her.

Chen Jinlu once told me that he saw Qing kissing the music teacher in the office one noon. I

fought with him about it and threw his schoolbag into the ditch. Later, Chen Jinlu said to me triumphantly, "See

? I knew they would get into trouble."

The incident was actually quite simple. One late night, the teacher on night patrol found a female student

sneaking out of the music teacher's dormitory. That was Qing. Rumors about the music teacher and Qing spread

throughout the campus. The music teacher was suspended from his duties for investigation, and Qing disappeared. At that time, the entire school was

excited about this. That summer, you could often see

groups of talking about it excitedly.

I remained silent. Among the outsiders in this incident, perhaps I was the one who suffered the most. I know

I may never see Qing again, never again see her silhouette in the afterglow of the setting sun,

never play my flute to the rhythm of her violin, never again imagine her face in the dark of night,

never again have her image of her bathing constantly appear in my mind…

I think I have finally lost Qing.

Actually, no one actually saw what Qing did that night in the music teacher's dormitory, but

people still talked about it with great interest, and many versions of the story emerged. If you really want to know

the truth , I can only give you an excerpt from a handwritten copy that later became popular on campus. This handwritten copy was

as popular as "A Girl's Heart" throughout the entire campus, but no one knows who its author is.

After class, the dashing Mr. Shao said to Qing, "Come to my dormitory tonight, baby!"

Qing, already showing signs of infidelity, said sweetly, "Okay."

That night, Mr. Shao, anxiously waiting for Qing, finally heard a knock on the door. He hurriedly opened the door and saw Qing standing there, looking

charming . She wore a red dress, her freshly washed hair smelled sweet,

her breasts were high and firm, and her round legs and bare feet revealed her white toes.

Teacher Shao pulled Xiao Qing into his arms: "Baby, you're so beautiful!" Xiao Qing said, "Teacher Shao, I've missed

you so much."

Teacher Shao held her tightly, kissing her cheeks, his hands roaming restlessly over her body.

Xiao Qing breathed excitedly, her chest heaving. Teacher Shao's hand slipped under her clothes and grasped

her breasts. Although Xiao Qing was still a student, she was well-developed, her breasts larger than those of her classmates.

Teacher Shao, as if finding a treasure, squeezed and kneaded Xiao Qing's breasts incessantly. Xiao Qing gasped, "Teacher Shao, harder,

harder!" Stimulated by Xiao Qing's sweet moans, Teacher Shao became aroused. He stripped Xiao Qing

naked laid her down on the bed.

Xiao Qing's fair skin caused Mr. Shao's nose to bleed. He straddled her, taking her nipple into

his mouth and frantically sucking on her breast. At the same time, one hand touched her vulva. Mr. Shao stimulated her clitoris,

inserting his fingers into her vagina, quickly causing Xiao Qing to become wet with vaginal fluid. Mr. Shao then put his mouth down to her genitals, putting his...

She sucked all the water into her mouth.

Xiao Qing said, "Teacher Shao, let me help you take off your clothes." Saying this, she

impatiently and then his pants. Teacher Shao's large penis sprang out. Xiao Qing exclaimed in surprise, "

It's so big!"

Teacher Shao said, "Want to taste it?"

Xiao Qing said passionately, "I really want to." She took it down and sucked hard. While

sucking Teacher Shao's penis, Xiao Qing touched his scrotum with her hands, rubbing his testicles.

Teacher 's penis felt incredibly good being sucked by Xiao Qing's small mouth; he thrust hard, almost pushing the glans

into Xiao Qing's throat.

After licking Teacher Shao's penis enough, Xiao Qing lay down on the bed, spread her legs, and said to Teacher Shao, "

Teacher , penetrate me."

Teacher Shao, his blood boiling, pounced on Xiao Qing, pressed his penis against her vagina, and with a forceful thrust,

penetrated her . Xiao Qing cried out comfortably, "Ah... um... Teacher, insert it into me..." Xiao Qing's vagina tightly

gripped Teacher Shao's large penis. Teacher Shao rubbed Xiao Qing's breasts and thrust into her forcefully. Xiao Qing's vagina

was overflowing with lustful fluids. She wrapped her legs tightly around Teacher Shao's waist, moaning incessantly, "Ah... Teacher, it feels so good

... Oh... Faster, faster, harder, harder!"

Teacher Shao thrust with increasing vigor, pumping hundreds of times. Xiao Qing had already orgasmed three times. Her vagina was

bright red from Teacher Shao's penetration, and her clitoris was erect and the size of a soybean due to engorgement. She was still shouting, "Don't stop,

Teacher ... insert it into me... Oh... I'm going to die..." Teacher Shao finally felt himself approaching orgasm. He increased

his speed, and suddenly felt a tingling sensation in his waist as his semen gushed out. He thrust in forcefully, pressing his penis against Xiao Qing's

cervix , ejaculating all his semen inside. At this moment, Xiao Qing also reached orgasm once again. She said, weak all over

, "Teacher Shao, you're amazing!"

This novel should be considered my introduction to erotic literature. Judging from the author's understanding of the whole incident, the description of the erotic

details , and the rough writing style, the author was very likely a non-Chinese language teacher at my school.

I also concluded that this novel was purely a work of imagination, with extremely low credibility, but no one listened to me at the time; they all

read it as documentary literature. Because the author confidently stated in the preface that he had seen

the three self-criticisms written by the music teacher about the matter, as well as all of Qing's confession materials.

********************************

Since her affair with Chen Jinlu, Xia has disappeared without a trace. She hasn't shown her face for a whole week, and I

know she's actually quite upset. I know her well; she's a traditional person at heart, and her outward appearance and

inner self are actually very different. Her affair with Chen Jinlu was a momentary lapse of judgment. That day, after driving Chen Jinlu away

, she cried bitterly. Then she packed up and left my house. She never knew I was in the bathroom.

Xia's disappearance made me feel a little happy. If Xia never comes to me, it means she's decided to leave me,

and everything couldn't be simpler. But the most terrifying thing is if she does come to me; then things will

become incredibly complicated. I know that if she does come, it means she's made the biggest decision of her life. She'll

tell me everything that happened; she won't beg for forgiveness; she'll let me choose for myself. I know

her too well—either she'll never show up again, or she'll tell the truth.

So what will I do then? Forgive her mistake, or hatefully rape her once more, and then

throw her far away like a snotty mush? I don't know.

**********************************

I don't believe I've lost my mind. But I know that Qing, whom I

wander searching for, has been dead for ten years. Ten years ago, I saw my music teacher carrying his bedding on a bicycle

as he walked out of the school. He would never return to this school. As he forlornly pushed his bicycle out of the school gate,

some people pointed and whispered about his retreating figure. After the incident, Qing never showed her face again. Some said she

transferred schools , others said she went to a mental hospital. A month later, everyone said Qing was dead, that she committed suicide.

I believe Qing is dead.

But I believe that the person I saw on this street that day was indeed Qing; it wasn't a phantom. I walk aimlessly on this street

every day , just to find her? You might say it's

something you'll never find. But I just won't give up.

The winter wind mercilessly whips at my face, some pedestrians hurry past,

scraps of paper flutter by in the wind, and you'll see my expressionless figure wandering the street.

********************************

I've always had a premonition that Xia will get pregnant. I've never doubted this little slut's fertility; I have to admit it, whether I want to or not

. The first time I made love to her, there was blood on my penis. Several times afterward, we didn't use

any contraception. Some people say making love is like picking your nose; who wants to pick their nose while wearing gloves?

I think my life will be ruined by Xia; she'd better never appear again.

Because of this, I go home very late every day. But some things you can't avoid. That day, I saw a young couple kissing

downstairs . The man's hand was on the woman's breast, and his other hand was inside her

pants. I patted the man on the shoulder and said, "Dude, you're pretty bold."

The woman glared at me and said, "You're annoying!" The man punched me without a word.

As I lay on my back on the ground, I saw light leaking from my window. I thought, "Xia has

finally shown up, damn it!"

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