[A young woman recounts: My company lover gave me my first orgasm]

page views:1 Publication date:2023-03-23

I am a woman who has had an affair. This experience both stimulates and torments me. I

have so much to say and so many thoughts I want to share.

I lock myself in my room, facing the cold, impersonal computer, searching and organizing the warm emotions in my memory

, thoroughly examining my soul and body.

The soul is adrift, the body is warm and real. Can the two be separated?

Three years ago, one spring, I went to Shenzhen on a business trip. Several of my university classmates were there,

as well as my good friend Xiaolan, who had been my roommate for four years. We had a get-together, which was lively and

heartwarming. After I finished my business, Xiaolan insisted that I stay for two more days. I couldn't refuse her hospitality, and since I had nothing to do back home

, I decided to relax for a couple of days. I agreed, told my colleagues to go home first, and stayed

at Xiaolan's house.

The problem arose on the second night. Xiaolan, who had spent the last two days with me, had an event that night—her husband

's company was having a party, and family members were required to attend. Xiaolan wanted to stay with me, but I insisted

she go, saying, "You've been with me for two days already, I can't let it interfere with your important business! I can also get some

rest ." As Xiaolan was leaving, she said, "You can watch some TV, there are VCDs over there, and I have a lot of

good discs here, watch whatever you like, and go to bed early." I said, "Don't worry about it, you're not old yet and you're already so fussy,

be careful your husband gets annoyed with you."

Xiaolan and her husband got dressed up and went to the party, saying they wouldn't be back until very late. I turned on the

TV alone, watched a few programs, but got bored, thinking I'd watch a DVD before bed

. It's been a long time since I've seen a Western blockbuster, and listening to English would be good too.

I flipped through the DVD shelf; I'd seen all the ones at the top. Flipping to the bottom, I saw several discs wrapped in newspaper,

without covers or instructions. What were these? Were they

pornographic DVDs? I'd never seen anything like that before. Maybe they were something someone recorded themselves? I hesitated, put the discs back

, but there really wasn't anything else to watch. After a while, I took out those CDs

again. Whatever, I'd see what they were; if they weren't to my liking, I wouldn't watch them.

I took the top one, put it in the VCD player, and pressed play. The TV screen lit up, and

a naked blonde woman suddenly appeared, provocatively sticking out her tongue, kneading her

large breasts, and swaying her full buttocks; her pubic hair was clearly visible. I was startled and

instinctively grabbed the TV remote and turned it off.

I sat on the sofa, my heart pounding, as if I were the one who had just undressed on screen,

feeling ashamed and extremely awkward.

I took a sip of water to calm myself, stood up, and immediately realized I was in Shenzhen, at Xiaolan's house.

It was a cozy living room, thick curtains drawn, a small lamp on the coffee table

casting a warm yellow light, creating a quiet and languid atmosphere.

I glanced down at the sofa I'd just been sitting on—wide, comfortable, and easy to sink into. Suddenly,

a thought popped into my head: Was Xiaolan sitting here watching these with her husband? These

discs, though wrapped in paper and placed at the bottom, couldn't possibly be unknown to Xiaolan. She'd told me she

spent her evenings watching DVDs, having seen almost all the Hollywood blockbusters of the last 20 years.

She should know exactly what discs she has at home.

Did she watch these too? Alone or with her husband? Then…

I felt my face burning. Why was I thinking these things? What was wrong with me? I sat back down on the sofa,

staring blankly at the dark TV screen, my mind a jumbled mess. Then I realized I'd

only turned off the TV; the VCD player was still on, the disc still playing!

I reached for the VCD remote, wanting to stop it. But just as I was about to press the button, I

pulled my hand back:

What kind of world was that?!

Hesitantly, I put down the VCD remote, picked up the TV remote, and turned on the TV!

A series of gasps and groans immediately filled the room, startling me again. I quickly turned the volume down

until it was completely silent! Then, I cautiously played a little sound again. The volume was

on the lowest setting. Apart from me sitting in front of the TV, there was no one else in the room, and the windows were

tightly closed, but I still found the sound jarringly loud.

On the screen was a completely naked man and woman; the woman was the blonde from earlier. She...she

was kneeling between the man's legs, holding a huge thing in her hands, putting it into her mouth…

What was she doing?! Was this oral sex? Did Lewinsky do this to Clinton?!…

I remember when Clinton's affair was exposed, I really didn't understand what was going on, but I was too embarrassed to ask

anyone . I thought about asking my husband once, but I was afraid he would scold me, so I didn't. Was this how it was?

A moment later, the woman lay down, and the man knelt before her…

I was dumbfounded!

My mind went completely blank! No thoughts or activity existed!

I don't know how much time passed, but the disc finished playing.

I stood up numbly, turned off the TV and VCD player, put the disc back where it belonged, cleaned everything up

, and made sure Xiaolan and the others wouldn't find anything when they returned before going back to my room.

I put myself on the bed, but couldn't fall asleep at all. Many scenes from earlier still flashed before my eyes, those

intoxicating sounds still echoed in my ears. I knew what my body craved. I stroked

myself, like a wet fish lying on the beach, tossing and turning. I imagined my husband,

but then I felt as if I were facing the man from the DVD…

I don't know how much time passed, but just as I was gradually calming down and about to fall asleep, I heard the door open.

Xiaolan and the others were back. I heard them tiptoeing to wash their faces and brush their teeth, then quietly

laughing and talking as they went back to their bedroom.

My room was right next to their master bedroom. My door wasn't closed properly, and neither was theirs

. Soon after, I heard noises coming from their room: the creaking of the bed, heavy breathing, groans

...

The scenes from the DVD flashed before my eyes again...

That night, I couldn't sleep.

I woke up late the next morning, and Xiaolan, a freelancer, woke up even later than me. But while she

was soundly asleep, I was restless and groggy. Her husband had already gone to work.

When Xiaolan lazily got out of bed, she was surprised to see me and said, "What's wrong? You don't

look well.

" I smiled wryly and said, "It's the same old problem. I've probably been a bit tired these past few days, and I'm feeling a bit feverish."

Xiaolan teased me, "Missing your husband? Where's the fever?"

I pretended to be annoyed and pretended to pinch her. Xiaolan, however, hugged me and pushed me onto the sofa: "Tell the truth,

how are things between you and your husband, Lao Li?"

I said, "What could it be? Just living together, it's fine."

Xiaolan said, "Be honest, I'm talking about your... you know, okay?"

I said, "What nonsense are you talking about? What's so good or bad about that?"

Xiaolan said, "Hey, even more old-fashioned than when we were in school! Our teacher, Lao Li, is so lucky. So many years in a foreign company, and he hasn't

made any progress, hasn't even had a lover or anything?" "You're so pretty, you were the class beauty back then,

didn't any foreigners chase after you?"

I pushed her away: "Are you a pervert? What are you thinking? You know Lao Li, he's great." "Don't say

no, even if someone did chase after me, it's impossible. We've been married for so many years, and our child is already so

big.

" Xiao Lan said: "Who told you to be so impatient back then, getting married and

wanting a child right after graduation?" "But it's good, having a child early is better. We're also planning to have a child, and just thinking about it makes me feel like it's a hassle. Next year, when we have

a child, we'll have to let his mother come and see."

That afternoon, I flew back to Beijing. During the three hours on the plane, I dozed off for a while, but

I think I had a nightmare: I was lying on their big bed with Xiao Lan's husband… Xiao Lan

burst into the room…

It was a Saturday. Back home, my husband and child were very happy. After dinner, I sent

the child , took a shower, and then urged my husband. He reluctantly put down

his book, dawdled through his shower, and finally came to the bedroom. Although I was getting impatient,

my longing quickly overshadowed my unhappiness. I suppressed my eagerness and tried my best to act as usual

.

My husband climbed on top of me and slowly entered me… I felt like I had never felt him so

clearly , and I never imagined I could have such a strong desire for sex

… I involuntarily hugged him tightly, pressing my body against him… But as usual, he soon lay still on top of me, breathing heavily. I even felt

that this time it

was shorter than usual.

After a while, my husband said: "You're acting strange today, you seem quite eager.

" I said: "He's been away on business for so many days, don't you want to?"

He said: "Yes. Of course I miss you.

" After a while, he got up and said: "You go to sleep first, I can't sleep this early. I'll read a little more

."

I said: "It's okay, you go ahead."

Actually, I couldn't sleep either, and I felt inexplicably sad.

My husband's surname is Li, and he was my professor in college. Back then, he was in his prime, handsome and charming. He was

our class advisor, teaching us philosophy.

He spoke eloquently about Kant, Hegel, Nietzsche, Lao Tzu, and Zhuangzi, reciting their names with unparalleled knowledge, often leaving us completely captivated. He never took attendance,

yet every class was packed. For exams, he didn't require rote memorization; a written paper

was enough to pass. He was very popular among the students. We students often sought opportunities to visit his home, sometimes

even getting a free meal there.

However, his relationship with his wife was not harmonious. We learned through various inquiries that his wife was his

university classmate. They had initially been a loving and harmonious couple, but later, his wife couldn't bear

the poverty of university life and was determined to venture out into the world and become a "ten-thousand-yuan household" (

a common term for wealthy people in that era). After much struggle, Professor Li remained on campus, upholding his philosophy, while his wife went to Hainan.

We, his students who admired Professor Li, were deeply indignant about this. In the end, I "

sacrificed my looks to fill the void on Professor Li's bedside table. In 1992,

after receiving my university diploma, I married Professor Li, a story that became a celebrated tale among our classmates. I became his new

wife. Professor Li was eight years older than me; he turned 30 that year, and I was a 22-year-old young woman.

Looking back now, our feelings were pure. I loved his scholarly air, his profound knowledge,

his witty and intelligent conversation, his fair skin, his tall stature, even his thick

glasses. I also loved that we made our home on my beloved university campus. Coming from an intellectual

family, I didn't have strong material desires; I loved the feeling of having bookshelves lining the walls of my home.

All of this was what Professor Li loved, and our marriage was blissful.

The following year, we had a child, a big, healthy boy. Professor Li was overjoyed. Three years

later, I grew tired of the aimless life in the district government and got

a job at a multinational company's Beijing office, earning a salary that met the standards of a white-collar professional. Meanwhile, Lao Li received

a large apartment at the university and was promoted to associate professor. University professors' salaries are no longer what they used to be: "

Holding a scalpel is less profitable than wielding a razor, developing atomic bombs is less profitable than selling tea eggs," or "No one is poorer than a professor, no one is dumber than

a PhD." Knowledge has value, and with our dual-system family structure, our material living conditions are steadily

improving. I should say, I have nothing to be dissatisfied with.

Before this trip to Shenzhen, I always considered myself a happy and content woman. To be honest

, I was almost completely ignorant about sex; my wedding night with Lao Li was my first time. Lao Li is

experienced; he understands these things. He says what to do, and we've never been very passionate,

just like in other aspects of our lives—elegant, peaceful, and content with our lot. Especially

after our child was young, we made love even less often, and each time it was peaceful and moderate, like the philosophy of Lao Tzu and Zhuangzi.

These past two years, with our child grown up, our life has been much easier. But sometimes I feel vaguely restless, as

if something is missing from our lives, but I can't quite put my finger on it

. Just this evening, after returning from Shenzhen, a thought popped into my head: Could it be that our sex life isn't

normal?

What is normal sex like? Is it like ours or like the porn I watch? Porn

is bad stuff, it teaches people to be bad, what they do is indulgence and debauchery. Li and I

are a normal man and woman, we live a normal life, so why do I feel

unsatisfied ? Have I become bad?

I can't understand. I was so tired that I drifted off to sleep.

In the following period, I looked for books and magazines, looking for advice, analysis, and

suggestions . I had never read these things before, just

like I had never watched porn; they were outside our lives.

After repeated study, I understood a little:

sex is a basic physiological need, not something shameful.

Sex requires passion, skill, and art; it's a fusion of body and soul,

a .

Sexual happiness is a necessary component of a happy married life, and both partners have this obligation and responsibility.

Our sex life is within the normal range, but it lacks passion. Although there is pleasure, I have

never experienced an orgasm.

My lover, Lao Li, due to physical limitations or a lack of relevant knowledge, doesn't perform well in this area,

unlike his impressive performance in class.

My desires are normal; I'm not a bad woman. We can't be as unrestrained and lewd as those in pornographic films, but

we should improve the quality of our sex life and gain more pleasure.

(A young woman's account: My company lover gave me my first orgasm (Part 2))

Now I understand, I should find a way to make Lao Li understand.

How can I make him understand? I can't tell him I watched a pornographic DVD in Shenzhen, much less buy one for him on

the street —Lao Li would be furious. I can only show

him the books and magazines I've read and try to talk to him about it. I can't hurt his pride.

At the same time, like the experts in the books advise, I need to create a warm atmosphere in the bedroom, making myself

more sexy and gentle…

I painstakingly implemented this plan. Lao Li began to understand somewhat, but the improvement

was limited . I then followed his advice, getting him some nourishing supplements and urging him to exercise.

Perhaps it was because his innate desires weren't strong, or perhaps his psychological tension was greater... In any case,

I still didn't experience the climax I craved.

Life continued day by day, and I returned to normal, quickly suppressing my occasional restlessness.

Life had been kind to me; I couldn't be greedy and pursue perfection.

However, just as I decided to treat life so calmly, life treated me in another way.

Some romantic little episodes always arrive unexpectedly.

It was spring again, and another business trip. This time, it was to the ancient city of Xi'an. Just

before boarding the plane, an unexpected event occurred: a colleague who was supposed to go with me had a new assignment and

had to rush to another city to handle an urgent matter. Thus, it became a

business trip for just me and a male colleague. He was the manager of another department in our company, a

PhD who had returned from studying in the US, his English name was Bareey, and we usually called him Bai Ruibo (Bo), because

he did indeed look a bit like the playboy in "Gone with the Wind." He was about my age, very

talkative and humorous, looking like a young man, full of energy and vitality.

He went to the United States after graduating from high school and spent more time there than in China, basically becoming more like a Westerner at heart. He was well-liked at

the company and got along well with everyone, including me, but only moderately.

For those of us who frequently travel for work, business trips are part of the job, and it's normal for a man and woman

to travel ; nothing to be surprised about. So we boarded the plane as usual and

went to work as usual.

It was my first time in Xi'an, while Bai Ruibo had been there several times. In his spare time, he accompanied me around,

very considerate. Our company is different from state-owned enterprises and government agencies; the local companies don't

spend much time with us, just a couple of meals and a few small gifts. Actually, we're used to it; nobody gets

tired.

This business trip was to train employees of a subsidiary company, which wasn't strenuous but time-consuming. I sat in the audience listening to Bai Ruibo's

lectures. For some reason, I suddenly felt

a connection to Professor Li's philosophy classes back then: the same humor, the same genuine talent, the same popularity…

Sometimes, I inexplicably wondered: do these young women sitting in the audience like

Professor Bai as much as I liked Professor Li back then?

I often ate alone with Professor Bai, and during casual conversations, I learned that

he had also recently divorced!

Bai Ruibo's wife was a beautiful blonde. He showed me a photo from his wallet: a sexy

and charming foreign woman smiling sweetly. Why the divorce? The reason was simple: Bai Ruibo wanted to return to China to develop his career,

at least to try and see if there were any opportunities, but his wife didn't want to come with him. Bai Ruibo said: "In America,

couples living apart is unthinkable, so inhumane!"

In America, sex is both open and serious, an important part of everyone's life

. Every adult man and woman is very open before marriage; dating and having sex are not a big

deal, and parents and schools provide the necessary education. However, once both parties

feel they can spend their lives together and walk down the aisle, they have a basic contract

: fidelity. Sexual intimacy can no longer be as casual as before. If one party is dissatisfied,

then divorce is an option; divorce is a normal thing, and generally, few people feel obligated

to make sacrifices for the other. Of course, exceptions do occur, such as infidelity or

making sacrifices for one's partner, but overall, the probability is relatively low. Therefore, Bai Ruibo

said he understands his wife very well. He's away for years; what is she supposed to do? Be left alone? Isn't that

like being abnormal?

I agree with Bai Ruibo's view. I asked him: "What about China?"

He said: "China has made progress in humanitarianism in recent years, and is less suppressive of people's individuality and

right to pursue their own happiness. However, society as a whole

doesn't seem to have reached a mature state in its treatment of marriage, family, morality, money, desires, and so on. Perhaps there's a polarization: among

young people , there's a cynical phenomenon, they don't talk about marriage and family, don't take responsibility and obligations

, and only pursue their own enjoyment, like the currently popular one-night stands, which have

a sense of indulgence and rebellion; while older people are too constrained by traditional factors, and

many marriages and families are in a state of compromise."

Thinking of my own situation, I felt somewhat dejected and sighed softly. Bai Ruibo was very perceptive and said:

"I'm sorry, did I say something wrong?"

I said: "No, what you said makes a lot of sense. In China, it's true, as you said, that in many places everyone

lives a very tiring life. Marriage is like shoes; only the wearer knows if they fit."

Bai Ruibo smiled mischievously and said: "So it's best to try them on before deciding to buy them, so you don't end up forcing them after you get home

."

I joked, "Some people there are even more advanced than you Americans. They wear dress shoes when they go out, change into slippers when they get home, and wear sneakers when

they travel ...

" Bai Ruibo chimed in, "And roller skates and sandals too!"

We both burst out laughing.

After this conversation, I felt our relationship had deepened, and at the same time, I felt that inexplicable

restlessness stirring within me again.

The next day at dinner, I felt something was off about us; we didn't talk much.

After dinner , Bai Ruibo seemed to have made a decision and said, "Linda (my English name), I have an

invitation. Would you be willing to accept?"

I said, "You seem so serious. What is it?"

He said, "Today is my birthday. I'd like to invite you to have a drink and chat." "

Oh, you should have said so earlier! Happy birthday! I didn't prepare a gift, so I'll treat you." "

Where ?"

"I don't know. Let's go out and call a taxi and ask the driver."

The taxi driver took us to a very upscale nightclub in the area. The nightclub wasn't crowded, and

while the decor wasn't luxurious, it had a charming ambiance. We sat in a small booth, drinking and chatting.

After a while, I got up and went to the front desk to request a song for Bai Ruibo, one of my favorite English songs,

"While a Child Is Born." As the melodious music began, a hostess

said in a sweet voice: "A lady has requested this song for her good friend who is celebrating his birthday today, wishing him eternal

happiness and a memorable night.

" Bai Ruibo was somewhat moved. He stood up and gracefully invited me to dance. I took his arm and we went to the dance floor.

Later, I honestly told Bai Ruibo about my marital situation and some of my thoughts. He became a little agitated and

said: "Your life isn't complete. You should get a divorce. Let's get married. I love you.

I liked you even before this happened, and now we have even more reason to be together. Your husband is

a good man, but you can't sacrifice yourself. Life and time are precious;

you can't waste your life like this." "Look," I said, "my wife divorced me because I couldn't satisfy her,

and I had no complaints. You should do the same."

I continued, "Although you left a long time ago, it's not like you've never lived in China. Like we talked about the other day

, things in China aren't as simple as in America. Our families, our

children, our friends and colleagues—we've been together for over a decade. Our lives have intertwined to

a large extent . How can I face all of this if we divorce?

" Bai Ruibo sighed helplessly, "Then what should we do? I love you. We've had sex, we're

happy, and you know me in other ways. I'm not the kind of person who does

things recklessly. We're adults, not children playing house. I'm serious."

I said with difficulty, "I understand what you mean, but I prefer to see it as a date, an interlude.

We're like two people stranded on an island; a boat comes, and we have to get back

to land. Let's both think about it again, okay?"

I was trying to convince Bai Ruibo, and also myself. I couldn't easily

sort out. Family, morality, children, lover, desire, instinct, indulgence, promiscuity, colleagues

, friends… countless words swirled in my mind. Finally, I understood: I definitely had to go back to my

home, the little nest I built myself, with my husband, my son, the furniture I bought,

the layout I designed, the fabrics I made…

So, would we still see each other when we got back to Beijing? Would we have to pretend nothing happened at the company? Bai

Ruibo asked me.

"We'll talk about it when we get back," I replied, "but on the surface, we'll have to act like before."

Ten days after returning to Beijing, I asked Bai Ruibo out for dinner. We booked a hotel room and made love.

I admit, I missed him more. Seeing him at the company every day reminded me of sex, and made

my sex life at home feel unsatisfying.

Sometimes I would reminisce about the time I spent with Bai Ruibo, and at those times I would thank God for letting me meet

such a big boy, allowing me to experience a primal pleasure; but at the same time, I would pray for God to forgive my

selfishness and infidelity to my husband. I didn't have the courage to confess all this to Lao Li, because

I wasn't sure if he could forgive me. I couldn't be that open, and perhaps my Lao Li wasn't that forgiving either.

Now, I calmly accept everything about Lao Li. Maybe I'll try to improve our quality of life,

but I will never seek solace outside of marriage again.

Perhaps some women can live freely for themselves, perhaps others can't. I probably belong to the latter,

but I should try my best to enjoy all the pleasures this peaceful life brings me, instead of

clinging to one aspect and demanding perfection.

Time passed like flowing water, and two months went by. I remember clearly that I

went on five dates with Bai Ruibo; I admit I was somewhat addicted. But one day, Bai Ruibo asked me to meet. "

We should end it," Bai Ruibo told me bluntly. "

You don't like me anymore?" I asked.

No, it's that I don't like how things are going on between us. You're wonderful, but I feel like all we have now is sex.

To be frank, sometimes I feel like I'm just a sex object to you, and I don't like this kind of life. Every time we

finish a date , I think about your family. I believe you might feel guilty too, but mine is probably

even stronger. Having sex with a married woman feels like stealing from someone.

I lowered my head and sobbed: What should I do?

I'm sorry, I don't want to hurt you, but we have to end this. You should go back

to . You need to prioritize, figure out what's most important to you, and then be willing to give up something

. I've already requested a transfer back to the US, and I think I should go back and start my new life there. I'll miss

you. These past two years working in China have been my greatest gain. You've given me so many wonderful

times. I think we both live in mainstream society and should have our own self-discipline mechanisms;

otherwise, we'll feel ashamed of ourselves. Our experience is like "The Bridges of Madison County." Since we

can't live together, let's say goodbye.

There's no point in saying more. I thought what Bai Ruibo said was absolutely right, and we raised our glasses to bid each other farewell.

As we parted, Bai Ruibo said, "When we first started, you dedicated a song I really liked to me. Today, I've also

dedicated a song for our parting. I wonder if you like it. Let's remain good friends and keep in touch."

He gestured to the band. The band started playing, and I immediately recognized the song: "Sealed

with That." "

Though we got to say good-bye

for the summer

darling, I promise you this..."

This experience ended, and I returned to my peaceful life. Bai Ruibo and I frequently

exchanged , but neither of us used any affectionate language; we were just like any other good friend.

A year later, Bai Ruibo sent me a photo of himself and his newlywed wife. Looking at their

pure , happy smiles, I sincerely wished them well in my heart.

The music was melodious, and a deep baritone voice rang out: "Araya of hopeflickers in the sky,

atiny

starlight , support, way, upph, all across the land and dawns, blossom

and newmore

n..."

Before I knew it, Bai Ruibo had pulled me tightly into his arms. As that magnetic baritone monologue

began, Bai Ruibo lowered his head and kissed me...

This kiss made me lose my senses. His kiss was passionate, and I responded involuntarily. He

whispered in my ear: "You are my angel, you are my angel, I love

you, my baby."

After the music ended, Bai Ruibo led me to the door. I realized what was about to happen,

a faint voice in my heart said no, but more powerfully, a restlessness surged from deep within my body,

wave after wave. I was carried by this tide and Bai Ruibo's arms, walking towards the path my subconscious resisted.

Soon, we returned to our lodgings and went into his room.

He gently lifted me and placed me on the bed, kissing me as he undressed me—my face, my

lips, my neck, my breasts…

He was a strong man, a passionate and energetic man, a very experienced

and skilled man! I experienced my first orgasm, my first perfect female sexual pleasure! Sex was

so indescribable!

I didn't go back to my room. We didn't say much, just repeatedly made love to each other. If it weren't

for the last vestiges of consciousness reminding us that we had work tomorrow, I think we would have stayed until dawn.

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