Mother-son incest diary

page views:1 Publication date:2023-03-23

I live in a county in a central province of China. Although it's not a large place, it's quite prosperous, and its GDP has consistently ranked among the top five of more than ten counties in the province for years.

My mother, Su Hui, is 45 years old this year. She was 40 back then and has dedicated 28 years to education. She is currently the executive vice principal of a middle school.

In most men's eyes, my mother isn't the kind of beauty that immediately catches the eye, but she's delicate and pleasing to the eye, the kind that grows more attractive with age. And as far as I know, many men see her as an intellectual and graceful woman.

My mother is of average height, 161cm, and currently weighs 110 jin (55kg). Her breasts aren't particularly large, at 81.2cm, and are slightly sagging, but they feel great to the touch and don't sag noticeably, so her cleavage is still quite visible. Her waist is 56cm, which is quite slender; her hips are a very nice 88.6cm, perfectly shaped, firm, and smooth.

I feel that my mother's most beautiful feature is her skin—fair yet supple, incredibly smooth and delicate. Although she's 45, it's still very moisturized and elastic.

My name is Jia Yunfan, and I'm 25 years old this year; I was 20 back then. Although my mother is a teacher and was very strict with me from a young age, and I was very obedient, perhaps because I'm not very intelligent, my academic performance was never particularly good. After graduating from junior high school, I had enough of the stressful school life. After a strong confrontation with my mother, I didn't go to high school but instead went to a vocational school. I

graduated from vocational school at 18, and thanks to the help of my uncle, who was then the deputy secretary of the county party committee, I got a good job in a public institution. Of course, my family also includes my father. He's a good man, at least in terms of his career; I still consider him my idol and role model.

My father has a strong passion for his work. He started in the project office in our county—you can tell from the name that it was the county's office that went out to build relationships and find projects, traveling all over the country all day long. Later, he was promoted to director of the county's office in the province, and two years ago, he was even sent to Beijing to be the director of the Beijing office. It was precisely because he was often away working that my love with my mother was able to flourish.

My mother is a very gentle woman; she has never been as unrestrained as depicted in novels. Even now, after five years of relationship, she is still passionate when we are naked together. Even though our sex life is harmonious, she is not overly promiscuous, nor does she act like those mothers in novels, making obscene noises and uttering lewd words. Because no matter what, she is still a mother.

Of course, as my relationship with my mother has deepened, she has been willing to try some new and interesting things, encouraged by me, such as: stockings, oral sex, in the car, outdoors, and browsing forums with me.

Based on my mother's and my experience, once a woman has been with you once and you have entered her heart, she will be very accommodating and willing to make sacrifices for you. My mother is no exception.

My love with my mother is different from what is depicted in many novels; it is not so beautiful or romantic. I feel that my love with my mother is very down-to-earth. Apart from some initial restraint and concerns, it is like a normal couple slowly adjusting and developing their relationship.

Now, whenever Dad isn't home, Mom and I live like a married couple. There's cozy cuddling, sweet banter, arguments over trivial matters, sulking and cold wars, and of course, passionate lovemaking.

If you also want to love your mother, please don't rush to seek your own satisfaction and force her to do things she's not comfortable with. What you need to do is take it slow, gently guide her, rather than force her; otherwise, I think it's harmful to her.

To be honest, before my mother and I had our first intimate encounter due to an accident, I never even considered incest, and my mother certainly wouldn't have such thoughts. Although I kept many diary entries at that time, they were just everyday reflections. I

only started writing about our story eight days after our first intimate encounter, after I had slowly recovered from my initial shock. So, because I didn't record how my mother and I started, and I want to preserve the original flavor of the diary as much as possible, I don't want to rewrite it. I'll just give you a brief introduction.

I remember it clearly: July 5th, 2004. My mother finally got the position she deserved—Executive Vice Principal. She was overjoyed and excited, completely unaware that her son was depressed because I had broken up with my boyfriend the day before.

That night, she returned from celebrating with her colleagues, already somewhat drunk, while I was drinking alone in silence. Perhaps she was truly drunk; seeing me drinking, she didn't nag me but instead continued excitedly recounting how her colleagues had congratulated her. Before I knew it, she was getting more and more excited, and she started drinking too. We began drinking together, until everything became completely chaotic, to the point that neither of us can recall how we ended up in bed.

The next day, I woke up to a scream. When I opened my eyes, I only saw my mother, naked, clutching a towel, running out of the bedroom. When I realized what had happened, my mind went blank.

I sat on the bed for a long time, then got up, found some clothes in the living room, dressed, and hurriedly fled the house. Later I learned that my mother had spent the entire day hiding in the bathroom, clutching a blanket, and crying.

What followed was a 74-day period of silent coexistence. Even though we were at home, we wouldn't look at each other, let alone speak. We consciously avoided each other as much as possible, and the atmosphere at home was only oppressive and awkward.

That was my first time with my mother, and I still regret it deeply because I can't remember anything about it. As for how my mother and I got together, the process is complicated, and I don't want to deliberately write it down. I'll just publish my diary entries instead. However, due to the reasons mentioned above, the entries are not coherent, please forgive me!

Starting tomorrow, I will gradually publish the diary entries that are suitable for publication (updating every two to three days). The entries vary in length, some are two or three pages long, some are only a few sentences long. If it's long, I will only publish one entry at a time; if it's short, I will publish two or three entries.

Monday, September 19, 2005, 11:33 PM, Cloudy. Another thing happened today. Oh my god, what should I do? How could this happen? No wonder Mom took three days off work a few days ago; no wonder she looked worse these past few days, barely washing clothes or cooking; no wonder I saw her crying in her bedroom the night before last. I

continued to have insomnia last night, and this morning my head was throbbing, so I called work to call in sick. That bastard Director Zhang made some sarcastic remarks, saying I'd been taking so many days off lately. How could that jerk know my suffering? He's such a jerk.

I didn't get up until after 10 a.m. Mom had already gone to work. I took the last piece of bread from the fridge and ate it, casually throwing the plastic bag into the trash can. My eyes glanced at the trash can, and in that one glance, I saw something. I recognized it because I'd bought it for my ex-girlfriend—a box of abortion pills.

My heart jumped into my throat. I reached out with trembling hands and picked it up, wanting to confirm. Yes, it was a mifepristone tablet. The blister pack was empty; besides the instructions, there was a crumpled piece of paper and a hospital diagnosis: two months pregnant.

In a state of extreme terror, my mind raced: Dad hadn't come home for four months; it couldn't be Dad's child, another man's? Impossible, I knew Mom's character.

Two months... that day was in July... Oh my god, it was... was it mine? I felt my lips trembling, and I collapsed weakly to the floor. I was so scared, I didn't know what to do. Fate was cruelly mocking me; just that one time, after drinking, and somehow it happened, and Mom got pregnant.

I don't know how long I sat on the floor before numbly returning to my room. Lying on the bed, I stared blankly at the ceiling, my mind going back and forth between blank and chaotic thoughts. I didn't know what I was thinking.

Mom still hadn't come home at noon. I knew she was avoiding me, not wanting to face me. In the afternoon, I slowly emerged from my panic and began to think about what to do. Two voices were fighting in my head: one was to continue pretending not to hear, acting like I knew nothing, and running away from everything; the other was to be brave, face my mistakes, and take good care of Mom.

When Mom came home in the afternoon, I secretly looked at her. Her face was still very pale. Although I hadn't experienced it myself, I knew that here, we call abortion a "small confinement," which is very harmful to a woman's body. Usually, she needs to rest in bed for two weeks after an abortion, avoid cold water, avoid strenuous activity, and eat plenty of nutritious food.

Looking at Mom's tired appearance and pale face, I felt so guilty and heartbroken. But it's already past 11 pm, and I still can't make up my mind. Am I being too weak? Do I have no backbone at all?

What should I do?

Tuesday, September 20, 2005, 10:54 PM, Cloudy. Compared to yesterday, my mind is much clearer, and my heart no longer feels like it's weighed down by a stone. Because today I finally took a step, finally bravely facing myself, facing my mother, and facing that thing that shouldn't have happened.

Last night I still had insomnia, two questions kept repeating in my mind: continue to run away, or bravely face it. I didn't look at the clock, and didn't know what time it was, but I made up my mind, and then unconsciously fell asleep.

This morning I didn't call work, and still didn't go to work. After my mother went to work, I turned on the computer and looked up post-abortion precautions and nutritional supplements online, starting to plan how to take good care of my mother.

I cleaned the house first. It seems my mother is really weak, because she used to be a very tidy person, but the house hasn't been cleaned much in the past two weeks.

After cleaning the room, I went out to buy groceries as planned: a clay pot, eggs, a free-range chicken, goji berries, red dates, brown sugar, a hot water bottle, etc. When I got home at noon, I quickly ate a packet of instant noodles and started making chicken soup according to a nutritional recipe I found online. I

put the whole chicken, goji berries, red dates, star anise, Sichuan peppercorns, ginger, garlic, and cooking wine into the clay pot, brought it to a boil over high heat, then simmered it over low heat for a full four hours. The aroma and the bright red goji berries and red dates floating on the sizzling chicken soup warmed my heart.

In the afternoon, I was still uneasy because I didn't know if my mother could forgive me or accept my care. What if she didn't accept me? But it had already happened, so I had to grit my teeth and go for it.

My mother didn't get home until almost 7 pm. As usual, she went straight to her bedroom and wouldn't leave. I heated up the chicken soup, ladled out a bowl, and, trying to calm my anxiety, knocked on my mother's door, but she didn't respond.

For a moment, I didn't know whether to go in or leave. After hesitating for a moment, I tried the lock, but it wasn't locked. I gritted my teeth, opened the door, and went inside. My mother, lying in bed, probably didn't expect me to open the door and come in without her responding. She glanced up at me, then turned over and lay back down.

I took a deep breath, carried the chicken soup to my mother's bedside, and said, "Mom, I know you're angry and sad, but you're not feeling well right now. You need to take care of yourself. I made you some chicken soup. Would you like some?" My mother seemed startled when she heard me. She sat up abruptly, staring at me in disbelief, her face flushed. She opened her mouth a few times and said, "How did you know?" I told her the truth: I had seen the medicine box and the diagnosis in the trash can. Hearing this, my mother turned and threw herself onto the bed, crying bitterly, her whole body trembling.

I couldn't hold back my tears either. I put the chicken soup on the bedside table, knelt down, and said, "Mom, I'm sorry, it's all my fault. I know I did something wrong, but I really didn't mean it. I don't know what happened. I don't ask for your forgiveness, I just ask you to take good care of yourself, okay? I beg you." Hearing my sobs, Mom suddenly got up from the bed, burst into tears, and threw herself at me, hitting me hard and pulling my hair. It really hurt, but I didn't move, letting Mom vent her anger.

Mom cried as she hit me, saying, "How could this happen? What did we do? How could we face your father? Why did this happen..." Mom cried and hit me for almost 20 minutes before stopping. She looked at my messy hair and the two nail marks on my face, paused for a moment, then sobbed and went back to bed, lying down with her back to me, her body still trembling with sobs.

Half an hour later, Mom's sobbing stopped. She sat up, looked at me still kneeling on the floor, sighed, and said, "Xiaofan, get up. I know this isn't your fault, and it's also my fault for drinking so much. What's done is done, let it pass. I don't want to bring it up again. I'll feel better after I've vented. Go and rest." I stubbornly remained kneeling and said, "Mom, I'm sorry. You're weak right now and need to take good care of yourself. I don't ask for your forgiveness, I just want to take good care of you during this time, okay?" Mom blushed again when she heard me say she was weak. She stared at me for a while without saying anything, then got up, sat on the edge of the bed, picked up the bowl of chicken soup, slowly drank it, and said, "Go and rest." She then lay back down on the bed with her back to me, covered her head with the blanket, and went to sleep.

I didn't know what to say next, so I picked up the bowl, stood up, and went outside. Although Mom hasn't forgiven me, or even herself, she did release some of the pain she'd been holding in for so long when she hit me. And although she didn't explicitly agree to take care of her, she drank the chicken soup I made, so I guess she tacitly agreed. And after 77 days of being strangers, Mom finally spoke to me. My heavy

heart felt a little better, though my scalp, face, and body still ached. Taking good care of Mom and helping her recover as quickly as possible is more important than anything else.

Sunday, September 25, 2005, 8:31 PM, Sunny. After these past few days of nourishing chicken, ribs, pig's feet, and millet porridge, Mom's complexion has improved. We still rarely talk, but unlike the first two days when I forced her to stay home, she no longer stayed in her bedroom all day. She'll go out to the balcony a few times for fresh air, and she'll occasionally glance at me when she's facing me.

This has already made me so content. God bless me, I hope Mom gets better soon, and I hope we can both forget that incident as soon as possible. I long to go back to the way things were before, even if it meant listening to Mom's nagging every day.

Something else happened today that scared me for a long time. On the morning of the 21st, I forced Mom not to go to work, and then called her workplace to say that she was sick and needed to rest at home for two weeks.

Today, the school leadership came to visit. During the visit, Principal Liu asked Mom what was wrong. Mom was stunned and couldn't answer for a moment. I quickly said that Mom had acute gastroenteritis, and the doctor said that Mom was weak and needed to rest more.

Luckily, they didn't ask any more questions, just some polite words.

What a close call! It's all my fault for not thinking of this beforehand; I still lack social experience. I must be more careful in the future. However, after I answered, I saw Mom glance at me, her eyes less cold, as if she were approving. I guess I've done a good deed, haven't I?

I did laundry again today. I only realized after doing laundry twice in the past few days that it's not as simple as just throwing clothes in the washing machine. It's actually quite tiring. My wrists are red from scrubbing so much, and the detergent water stings. I didn't know how to be considerate of my mom before, and I need to change that.

Wednesday, September 28, 2005, 11:06 PM, Sunny. Mom's complexion is getting better. She even got up to clean the room this morning, but she still doesn't talk to me much. At lunchtime, I didn't bring the food into her bedroom; I put it on the dining table instead. When I called her to eat, she said she wasn't hungry. She only went to the dining room to eat after I finished eating myself. It seems Mom still can't face me. I wonder when this will end. Distressed… Saturday, October 1, 2005, 11:11 PM, Cloudy. Today is a holiday, but I didn't sleep in like before. I got up very early to clean the room and make breakfast. When I went to get Mom's clothes to wash, she didn't stop me like she had before, but I still couldn't find her underwear. I think Mom is still very sensitive about this. Oh well, if I really had to wash them, I would feel really embarrassed too.

Mom didn't stay in the bedroom this morning; she watched TV in the living room all morning. When I poured her hot water, this time she took it with her hands and said thank you, unlike before when I would put it on the table before she took it.

My dad called around noon, and I answered first. He said he was going to accompany a minister's family on a trip to Xinjiang and wouldn't be coming over for the holiday. He asked if everything was alright at home, and I didn't know how to answer, so I just vaguely said everything was fine. Then my dad put my mom on the phone, and my heart was in my throat. Thankfully, my mom didn't say anything, but I could tell her tone was a little unsteady.

When she hung up and turned around, she saw my nervous expression, didn't say anything, just sighed and left. My palms were sweaty. It seems my mom has decided to keep that a secret. Should I be happy or sad?

Wednesday, October 5, 2005, 9:23 PM, Sunny. The weather was nice today. In the afternoon, I saw my mom change her clothes and go out. I asked her where she was going, and she said she was going out for some fresh air. I wanted to go with her, but she said she wanted to walk alone and that nothing would happen. But I still followed her out the door. She walked ahead, and I followed her about three or four meters behind. She didn't say anything more.

I ran into an acquaintance on the street, and I saw my mother's long-lost smile, though I think it was fake. They exchanged a few simple pleasantries, and then my mother told me to walk together, saying that others might wonder what was going on.

We walked in silence, and each time we crossed the street, I quickened my pace and waved to block the cars. My mother saw this, but didn't say anything. At the pharmacy, I saw that my mother had bought several bottles of blood-tonifying and qi-boosting medicine. Sigh, I was so careless; I only thought of giving her nutrition but didn't think to buy some tonics. How stupid! I must be more careful in the future, take better care of my mother, and make up for my mistake.

Friday, October 7, 2005, 9:50 PM, Sunny. I went out with my mother again this afternoon. This time I didn't keep my distance from her, and she didn't say anything. I still blocked the cars for her when crossing the street and reminded her to be careful when going up the stairs.

Passing by a farmers market, I saw my mother ask the price of fish at a stall. She's always loved fish, and I figured she wanted some. I said, "Mom, you can't eat fish right now." She paused, blushed, glanced at me, and walked away.

Later, she went to the park and sat on a small lawn on a small hill. I sat down next to her, about a meter away. She sat there for a long time, her chin in her hands, lost in thought.

Then the wind picked up, and I reminded her it was windy and we should go home. But she ignored me and sat for another half hour. Suddenly, she said, "Let's go home." This was the first time in a long time that she had spoken to me. I was thrilled for a while. My mother seemed to sense my excitement; her gaze softened, but she didn't say anything.

We got home at 6 pm. I started making dinner: millet porridge, scrambled eggs with tomatoes, and my mother's favorite vegetable and tofu dish. I also heated up the braised pork ribs I'd bought at noon that I hadn't eaten.

This time, when I called her to eat, she finally ate with me. I was so happy!

During dinner, Mom suddenly said, "Don't pick at the scabies on your face, it'll leave scars." Hearing her words warmed my heart, and my eyes welled up with tears.

Seeing my expression, Mom said, "Alright, let's eat. It's all in the past, don't think about it." Although Mom's face remained expressionless, I was so touched and happy.

After dinner, Mom didn't go back to her bedroom immediately but sat in the living room watching TV. After I washed the dishes and cleaned the kitchen and dining room, Mom called me back to my bedroom. I sat down opposite her, and she said, "Let's talk." I felt nervous again and sat there awkwardly.

Mom said, "I've thought about it for a long time. It's not fair to say who was at fault; if anyone was, we were all wrong. There's no point in saying anything now, no point in dwelling on it. Since it's already happened, let it go. We're still family, after all. We can't let that weigh on us forever. From now on, no one should mention it again, especially not to anyone else. Just treat it as a nightmare. Don't feel too guilty. Your holiday ends tomorrow. Go back to work. You've taken too much leave lately; don't cause any trouble at work. I'm fine now, don't worry. But from now on, you're not allowed to drink anymore." Hearing Mom's words, I felt much more at ease and said, "Mom, thank you for forgiving me. I promise I won't tell anyone, and I won't drink anymore. I'll go back to work. But let me take care of you. It hasn't even been a month yet, and you're still weak. I have to take some responsibility for what I did." I wanted to continue.

When Mom heard me say I should take some responsibility, her face flushed, and she snapped, "What responsibility? Is it something you should be responsible for? Can you even handle it?" I immediately realized I'd said the wrong thing and hurriedly tried to explain, but my nervousness made me even more incoherent. I stammered, "No... I didn't mean that... I... I just wanted to... wanted to help you with some housework." Mom looked at my stammering and actually laughed, but then quickly returned to normal. Seeing Mom laugh made my tense heart relax instantly. I continued, "Now I realize how hard you've worked before. Dad's not home, and you do housework every day, and I haven't helped at all. I just want to help you a little in the future, so you don't have to work so hard anymore." Mom looked at me for a while and said, "I have no problem with you wanting to do housework. You're old enough now, it's time to get some experience. Just don't think about it so much anymore. I've thought it through. Go on, go to sleep early, you have to go to work tomorrow." I nodded, got up, and went back to my bedroom. Mom went into the bathroom; judging from the sounds, she was probably taking a shower. Had Mom really thought it through? Can we really go back to how things were before? Everything is still uncertain!

Saturday, October 8, 2005, 9:50 PM, Sunny. Although it's Saturday, I still have to work because we had a 7-day National Day holiday, and we need to make up for it this Saturday and Sunday. Mom went to work this morning despite my advice. Although she's feeling much better, and her complexion is less pale and has more color, I'm still quite worried.

That disgusting Director Zhang called me in and gave me a dressing down as soon as I got to work, saying I was taking leave for no reason and that from now on, I have to personally submit the leave slip to him for approval. That old bastard, he's always had a problem with me and doesn't give my uncle and dad any face. It makes me so angry!

My buddy called this afternoon and asked me to go out for a get-together tonight, but I refused and went home early. I stewed the chicken I bought yesterday. Even though I'm at work, I still want to make sure Mom has a bowl of chicken soup or bone broth every night. In my opinion, nothing is more important than getting Mom back to health as quickly as possible.

My mom actually praised me while we were having soup tonight, saying she didn't expect me to be able to cook soup, even though the taste wasn't very good.

Hehe, I was quite happy to hear that. I hope everything will be alright.

Monday, October 17, 2005, 10:36 PM, Sunny. Dad came back today, saying he was coming back to get a feasibility study for a project to submit to the State Planning Commission. He only had dinner at home before rushing off to the provincial capital airport. Dad always seems particularly nervous when he comes back.

Dad's return really made me nervous for a while. Although Mom said she wouldn't mention that incident to anyone, I was still worried Dad would find out something. Fortunately, Dad came and went in a hurry, and I tried my best to remain calm. Apart from Mom seeming a little nervous at first, everything was fine; she was very calm, just like usual when Dad came home—cooking, asking questions, nagging, and expressing her dissatisfaction.

Today, I finally saw the Mom I used to know, but she was only with Dad. Although we both said we wouldn't think about that incident anymore, it really happened, and it's impossible to completely forget it so quickly. I think maybe I'll never truly forget it.

Although Mom and I have started talking, and she helps me with housework, it's not as close as before. Sigh, when will we be able to go back to how we used to live?

Wednesday, October 26, 2005, 11:06 PM, Sunny. Today I went out to eat with some buddies. I didn't drink a drop of alcohol; I promised Mom I would keep my word. They kept urging me to drink, saying I wasn't a good brother, and asking why I suddenly changed my personality—how could I be a man if I didn't drink?

These guys are really something else; they're all my best buddies since childhood, but I just can't drink. No matter what you say, it's always the same: "No." I not only promised my mom, but I also swore to myself that I would never touch a drop of alcohol again. It really annoyed them. When I got

home just now, my mom was watching TV in the living room. She watched me for a while, probably checking to see if I'd been drinking. To prove myself, I deliberately sat down on the sofa next to her and watched TV for a bit. Seeing that I hadn't been drinking, she didn't say anything, watched TV for

a while, and then went back to her room. Overall, my relationship with my mom has improved somewhat recently. After a month of recuperation, her health has almost fully recovered; at least her complexion isn't pale anymore. I'm finally much more at ease. But I still do housework every day when I get home. My mom doesn't avoid me like she used to; she even helps me with chores. But I always insist on doing the laundry; after all, it's only been a month, and it's best not to let her touch cold water.

In the evenings, Mom doesn't always stay cooped up in the house anymore. Sometimes we watch TV together, and sometimes we go dancing or taking a walk in the community square, just like before. I always go with her, and she's never objected.

When she eats the food I cook, she praises my improved skills. When she sees me doing laundry, she tells me to rest for a while before continuing, and she smiles more often now. So, when they called today to suggest a get-together, I didn't refuse. After all, they've invited me so many times, and I've always turned them down. If I don't go now, I really can't be a true friend.

Wednesday, November 2, 2005, 11:34 PM, Cloudy. The weather suddenly turned cold today. I was freezing when I went out to buy breakfast this morning. Something funny happened when I told Mom to wear more clothes while we were eating. While eating breakfast, I thought about the cold weather and looked up at Mom, saying, "Mom, it's cold today, wear more clothes." Just as I opened my mouth to say it, Mom also said, "It's cold today, wear more clothes." We both spoke at the same time, saying the same thing, so we both laughed. I can't help but laugh all day thinking about this scene. Not because I find it funny, but because it's a genuine laugh from the bottom of my heart. Because while I was showing concern for my mother, she started showing concern for me again. I'm so happy!

Tuesday, December 20, 2005, 10:50 PM, Sunny. This morning the sky was very overcast. It started snowing heavily around 10 AM, and the snow hadn't stopped by the afternoon. There was already plenty of snow on the ground. I remembered that my mother hadn't taken an umbrella when she went out this morning, so I went home early to get one and went to pick her up from school. On the way, I saw some nice gloves at a small shop on the street, so I picked out a pair for her.

When I arrived at my mother's school, they had just let out, but my mother was still in a meeting. I waited for a long time outside her office, freezing cold.

My mom came back from her meeting with her colleagues. Seeing me waiting for her at the door with a folded umbrella, and noticing my nose was red from the cold, she started nagging, saying, "Why did you run around in this cold?" Haha, I used to get annoyed by her nagging, but now, for some reason, I don't find it annoying at all. Her nagging is better than her ignoring me every day, like we're strangers—I've really had enough of that.

Her colleague helped smooth things over, jokingly saying, "Look how considerate Xiaofan is! He came to bring you an umbrella and pick you up, and you weren't happy about it. If I had such a good son, I'd be content." We walked out of the school gate together, and I gave her the gloves I'd bought. She took them with a look of surprise.

We walked silently together. I noticed my mom seemed lost in thought, and suddenly I said, "Xiaofan is really considerate. Your dad has never picked me up." The snow was thick and slippery; my mom almost slipped a few times, but I actually fell flat on my face once. Near home, there was a slope. The narrow sidewalk was incredibly slippery because children had been skating on it, and everyone walking by was walking cautiously. Instinctively, I took my mother's arm. She hesitated slightly, but didn't say anything, letting me help her slowly down the slope.

Once we were down the slope, she said, "It's okay, I can walk now." She stumbled slightly, and I tactfully let go of her arm.

Sigh, if it were before, my mother would have loved for me to help her. She used to say, "Look at other children, they always go out with their parents, arm in arm. Who's like you, never wanting to go out with us?" But now, it seems that incident still has a lingering effect on her.

Indeed, how could it not? But I'm already very content. My mother and I have basically returned to how things were before that incident. She no longer intentionally avoids me; she's started caring for me, nagging me, criticizing me, and even joking with me again.

The snow is heavy and beautiful!

Saturday, January 28, 2006, Lunar New Year's Eve, 00:20 (cloudy). The New Year's bells had just rung, the party was over, and my father and I set off firecrackers. Back in my room, I sorted out my thoughts and reflected on the year's events.

The first half of the year was uneventful, nothing particularly memorable. The second half was different; two things are unforgettable. One was my heartbreak. Although it wasn't my first love, I genuinely liked her. She didn't even explain why when we broke up, but before I could even grieve, the second thing happened, minimizing the impact of the breakup.

The second thing was that my mother and I, after drinking, did something inappropriate, and that one time actually resulted in my mother getting pregnant. It seems like a fantasy, yet it truly happened to me.

For the past six months, I've lived in fear and guilt. Although my mother said she forgave me and that we should both forget it, I know in my heart that neither of us can truly forget.

But perhaps time really can heal all wounds. As time goes by, my relationship with my mother is slowly warming up from its freezing point. I feel that this experience has made me much more mature. I can now deeply understand my mother's hardships and struggles over the years, and I've begun to understand her loneliness and isolation. I've learned to be considerate of her, to help her, and to take care of her.

I'm no longer a good-for-nothing who spends all his time eating, drinking, and having fun with his friends, then spending all his time at home on the computer and watching TV. I've learned what responsibility and understanding are.

The new year has arrived. I'll continue to work hard, take good care of my mother, and work hard so that my mother and I can return to the way things were as soon as possible, minimizing the impact of that incident on us. Go for it!

Sunday, February 12, 2006, Lantern Festival, 8:36 PM, Sunny. Today is the annual Lantern Festival. Everyone else is celebrating with their families, but my father has upset my mother again. He left again on the fourth day of the Lunar New Year, saying he was going to visit some leaders he had connections with, along with the deputy county head in charge of projects. He promised to come back and celebrate the Lantern Festival with us, but he called at noon saying he had something to do and couldn't come back. His mother had an argument with him on the phone and has been unhappy ever since.

To be honest, Mom wasn't like this before. For so many years, Dad was always out working and rarely came home. As his official position rose, he came home even less often. But Mom rarely lost her temper; at most, she'd nag a little. But since that incident, I feel like Mom has changed. She especially wants Dad home. Every time Dad breaks his promise, Mom gets very angry, argues with him, and cries.

At dinner, I tried to talk to Mom casually, hoping to ease her mind, but she didn't seem to appreciate it. She replied with a few words, then went to her bedroom to rest after dinner. Sigh! Seeing Mom's troubled expression made me feel down too. This Lantern Festival was very unpleasant.

February 24, 2006, Friday, 9:05 PM, Sunny. This morning, Mom praised my cooking skills while we ate, so I was in a good mood all day. But when I got home tonight, I opened the door and saw Dad there. Both Dad and Mom were sitting on the sofa. Dad had a furrowed brow, and Mom was crying. When she saw me come home, Mom got up and went back to her bedroom.

My heart leaped into my throat. Could Dad already know about that? What should I do? Would explaining that I didn't do it on purpose even help? I stood frozen at the door, my heart pounding.

Dad looked at me and said, "Xiaofan, what's wrong? Why aren't you coming in?" Hearing Dad's question, a weight lifted from my heart. It seemed Dad didn't know yet. Thank goodness. But why was Mom crying? Thinking to myself, I casually asked Dad, "Dad, when did you get back?" Dad said, "I landed in the provincial capital last night and just got back this morning." He then went into his bedroom. I sat in the living room, listening intently.

After a while, I heard Mom crying, saying that Dad didn't care about the family, only came home a few times a year, and when he did, he'd leave in less than a day. She said Dad didn't care about her and that they should just get a divorce. Later, Dad closed the bedroom door. I could vaguely hear Mom sobbing, but I couldn't make out everything she said. I only heard Dad say that he would definitely come back next month for their wedding anniversary.

A while later, Dad came out of his room and went to the kitchen to cook. After he finished, he told me that he had to rush to the provincial capital that night and catch a flight back to Beijing early the next morning. He told me to be good at home, work hard, and not just play around.

He also told me to help Mom with some chores and asked a few questions about my work. Then he went into Mom's bedroom. Mom seemed to have stopped crying. I heard Dad say that he was really leaving and the driver was waiting downstairs. Mom didn't pay attention to him and didn't come out to see him off when he left.

A while after Dad left, I went to Mom's bedroom to call her for dinner. When she saw me come in, she turned around, wiped away her tears, tidied her hair, and then came out to eat. While eating, I comforted Mom, saying that Dad was indeed very busy with work. I heard from his workplace that three projects in the county were waiting for approval from the State Planning Commission, and I told Mom not to blame Dad.

Mom glared at me but didn't say anything. She ate a little food quickly and went back to her bedroom. I didn't dare say anything more, washed the dishes, and then came to write in my diary. Dad, no matter how busy he is, he finally comes home and should at least stay for a couple of days. It makes Mom so sad, sigh!

Wednesday, March 8, 2006, 9:05 PM, Sunny. Today is International Women's Day. This afternoon, I, a grown man who hates shopping the most, made an exception and went shopping for the whole afternoon, which is quite unbelievable. Actually, my purpose in shopping was very simple: I wanted to buy a gift for Mom because today is her day.

After much consideration and selection, I finally bought Mom a scarf. Because the spring winds are quite strong here, many women like to wear a silk scarf.

The scarf has a simple pattern: a white background with black dots. I think Mom often wears professional clothes, so this pattern will look simple rather than elegant.

When Mom came home in the evening, I had already prepared dinner. During dinner, I gave her the scarf. Although she didn't say anything when she received the gift, I could tell she was very happy. She held it in her hands, looking at it again and again, touching it repeatedly, saying, "My son has grown up and is so different. He's much better than your father. He's been with me his whole life and never gave me a gift." I asked Mom to try it on. She thought for a moment, then skillfully tied a beautiful knot around her neck. It really suited her perfectly, and Mom praised my good taste. I was overjoyed. Mom's happiness is my greatest hope. Keep trying!

Friday, March 31, 2006, 11:17 PM, Cloudy. The 25th was Dad and Mom's wedding anniversary, but Dad didn't keep his promise. Mom woke up very depressed in the morning. Dad called home in the morning, and Mom seemed particularly angry. She kept shouting on the phone, even mentioning divorce. Finally, Mom said in a very loud voice, "You'd better never come back," and then slammed the phone down.

I made lunch and went to my mother's bedroom to call her for lunch, but she didn't open the door. I could hear laughter and crying coming from inside the room, and my heart ached. I couldn't help but blame my father for breaking his promise and not caring about my mother.

Looking at the food, I lost my appetite and sat in the living room watching TV, waiting for my mother to feel better. After changing all the channels countless times, my mother finally opened the door. I quickly got up and tried to comfort her, telling her not to be angry, that my father was busy with work, and to let her eat something first. But my mother said she was fine and didn't need me to worry about her, then changed her shoes and went out. I quickly followed her.

My mother soon returned to the park where she had sat quietly before, on the same grassy slope, in the same posture, sitting motionless, lost in thought. And I sat beside her, a meter away.

After a long while, my mother asked me, "Xiaofan, if your father and I divorce, who will you live with?" I was shocked by my mother's question and didn't know how to answer. Seeing that I didn't answer, Mom said again, "Hmph, I knew it. You and your dad are in cahoots. Go away, I don't need you to come with me." I thought for a moment and said, "Mom, I don't want you and Dad to divorce, but no matter what, I will always stand with you." Mom didn't say anything after hearing my words. She stared at me for a while, then turned her head away in silence.

The weather here in March is still very cold. After sitting for so long, I felt my hands and feet getting cold. Seeing that Mom was only wearing a half-length overcoat, I urged her to go home, but she shook her head and refused. I had no choice but to say that I would go home to get her the coat and ask her to wait for me, so I hurriedly ran home. But when I returned with the coat, Mom was nowhere to be found.

I searched the park thoroughly but couldn't find her. It was already dark, so I had no choice but to go home and wait. Mom didn't return until 9 o'clock. Her lips were already blue from the cold. I quickly made her a bowl of hot soup, but she didn't drink it. She went back to her bedroom, closed the door, and went to sleep.

The next morning, around 9 a.m., Mom still hadn't gotten up. I called her several times, but she didn't answer. I opened the door and called again, but she still didn't react. I sensed something was wrong, so I went closer and saw that Mom was still asleep, but her face was very red. I touched her forehead; it was burning hot. I called again, and Mom finally opened her eyes with difficulty and whispered a response. I immediately called 120.

At the hospital, the doctor said Mom had caught a cold, which had led to a lung infection. She received fever-reducing injections, IV fluids, and ice packs until her high fever finally subsided in the afternoon. My heart, which had been in my throat, slowly settled down.

The day before yesterday and yesterday, I stayed by Mom's bedside without leaving her side, bringing her tea and water, wiping her hands and face with a hot towel in the morning, and washing her feet with water in the evening. When it was time to eat, I always fed her spoonful by spoonful. At first, she was embarrassed because there were other patients in the ward, but she couldn't resist my insistence and had to let me take such good care of her.

The patients and their families around my mother all told her how lucky she was to have such a good son. At first, she modestly gave a few perfunctory replies, but later, when others said the same thing, she stopped refusing and would smile at me, making me feel embarrassed.

My mother is feeling much better today. She even went for a walk in the hospital courtyard this morning. In the afternoon, she said she wasn't used to the smell of the hospital and the noise of people coming and going in the wards, and strongly requested to be discharged and go home to rest. I had no choice but to agree.

That evening, I finished cooking in the kitchen. As I was about to put the food on the table, I turned around and saw my mother leaning against the kitchen doorway, watching me. I froze, holding the dishes in both hands. Our eyes met, and my mother also paused for a moment, her face slightly flushed. She didn't say anything, but came over and took the dishes from my hands, placing them on the table.

During dinner, my mother said, "Xiaofan, thank you for taking care of me these past few days. I'm so touched. You've really grown up now, and I'm so happy. I'm fine now. You've been very tired these past few days, so don't worry about me. Eat and rest early after dinner. If you get sick from exhaustion, I'll really have no one to rely on." Hearing my mother's words warmed my heart. My mother actually considered me her support; how happy I felt! I said, "Mom, I'm not tired. The most important thing now is for you to get better. Don't worry, I'm so young, this little thing won't tire me out. Dad's not here, and he told me to take good care of you. Otherwise, he'll punish me when he gets back." I tried to ease the tension between my mother and me with these lighthearted words, but she didn't seem to appreciate it at all. When I mentioned Dad, her face darkened, and she said, "Don't take his side. After all these years, don't I know him? When has he ever thought about this family, you, or me, except for work? Let's eat." Seeing that my words had ruined the good atmosphere, I didn't say anything more. Sigh, I felt guilty and worried about Mom because of that incident a while ago. Now that things are finally getting better, I have to worry about the relationship between my parents. It's really tough.

Thursday, April 20, 2006, 9:53 PM, Sunny. Dad left this afternoon. He stayed home for three days this time. Over these three days, I could see that Dad was trying his best to please Mom. When he came back, he bought her a beautiful top from Beijing and a set of designer cosmetics. He showered her with compliments and cooked her different dishes every day. I also tried to mediate between them from time to time.

But Mom didn't seem to appreciate it. She wasn't as happy as she used to be when Dad came back. She just silently went about her business, and even her tone when talking to Dad was as indifferent as if she were just an ordinary friend. Dad noticed the change in Mom, but he was helpless. He just kept saying that he had spoken to the county government and was trying to get her back to work so she could stay home more.

Today, Dad was leaving, and Mom didn't show any reluctance to see him go, nor was she angry like before. She didn't even nag like she used to. Dad seemed to know he was wrong. He just sighed and told me that I was no longer a child and should be obedient at home and help Mom more before leaving.

This time, Mom's change surprised me. It didn't seem like she was angry because Dad didn't come back for our wedding anniversary, because no matter how angry Mom and Dad were before, Dad would always make up quickly with a little teasing and coaxing.

This time, Mom didn't seem angry at all, nor did she seem happy. She was quite warm when talking to me, though. After Dad left in the afternoon, Mom even cooked dinner with me that evening, and just now she wanted me to go dancing with her. Sigh, what's going on? What should I do?

Saturday, April 29, 2006, 11:02 PM, Sunny. Today is Saturday. I helped Mom do the laundry this morning. After lunch, Mom and I hung the clothes on the balcony. Mom saw that my hair was covered in water droplets, and she took a towel and wiped it for me, saying with concern, "Xiao Fan has really grown into a big boy. Having you around makes things so much easier for Mom." Hearing Mom's words warmed my heart, but I still said, "Of course, I'm twenty-one now, and besides, Dad always tells me to take good care of you before he leaves." Mom said, "He tells you to take care of me, then what is he doing? Let's not talk about him anymore. Take a break and come shopping with me." I felt awkward again and had to shut up.

Mom seemed to be in a great mood today, talking non-stop the whole way. We went from shop to shop, buying a lot of things – clothes, trinkets, daily necessities, cosmetics, and more – filling five huge bags. My legs were stiff, my feet were aching, and my hands were aching from the bags.

I said, "Mom, can we just go straight to what we want instead of going from shop to shop? My legs are killing me." Mom chuckled and said, "Silly girl, do you think women go shopping like you men, just to buy things? We go shopping to enjoy ourselves and relax. If you're tired, find a place to rest and wait for me. I'll come back for you in a bit." But how could I let Mom go alone? So I had to keep going with her. When Mom saw me catch up, she smiled and said, "That's more like it. You've passed the test. If you really just sat there waiting, I'd be just like your dad, not knowing how to be considerate. My son is much better than him. I'll buy you some clothes later, to give you a compliment." Oh my god, all that talk about resting and waiting was a trap! Sigh, Mom is so unpredictable. Later, Mom really did spend over 800 yuan to buy me a t-shirt, and even complimented me on how stylish I looked in bed.

That evening, Mom and I didn't go home for dinner; we ate hot pot at a restaurant—Mom's favorite, of course, spicy fish hot pot. Watching Mom eat and talk, I felt so happy. That incident had a very low impact on her; she seemed to have returned to her old self. It seems my efforts over the past six months haven't been in vain.

When we got home after dinner, I suggested taking a taxi since it's quite far, but Mom insisted on a walk, saying I'd made her gain weight and she needed to exercise to lose it. Seeing how enthusiastic she was, I reluctantly carried the bags and complied.

Tired! Very tired, but also happy. Everything is getting better, and getting better still.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006, 9:17 PM, Sunny. After a week of hard work, I finally got that matter sorted out for my friend. Although it cost him some money, the matter was resolved smoothly. However, I now owe him a lot of favors at work. To thank me, my friend gave me two full sets of tickets to a scenic resort in a neighboring city, saying it included entrance fees, entertainment, accommodation, and meals, and that I should take my girlfriend there. He doesn't know that my girlfriend and I broke up a long time ago.

Sigh, I don't know if I feel guilty or if it's only right? Hehe. In the evening, I told my mother about it and asked if she was interested in going to relax. She said she would think about it. After dinner, she said she heard that the scenic area was quite nice, and if no one was going with me, she could go with me.

After discussing it, we decided to take a day off this Friday and go, and then take a bus back on Sunday afternoon. "Old Gan" is quite generous. Although he's a friend of a friend and we don't see each other often, I really put my heart into this for him. These two sets of tickets don't count as bribery, right? Hehe.

Sunday, May 21, 2006, 9:17 PM, Light Rain. Things in this world really do change with circumstances. I thought that with the restoration of my relationship with my mother, we could slowly move on from that incident. But who knew that this trip would bring about a qualitative change in our relationship? This change surprised me, but also filled me with apprehension.

The day before yesterday, my mother and I went to that scenic resort as planned. I borrowed a car from a friend. Although I don't drive much and was a little nervous on the road, driving along the mountain roads, the surrounding green mountains and clear waters were truly breathtaking. My mother seemed especially happy along the way, gesturing and describing the scenery like a child, constantly handing me water and wiping my sweat.

Influenced by my mother and the scenery, I felt particularly relaxed and comfortable. The journey was smooth, and after more than three hours we arrived at the resort. The resort, nestled in the mountains, was uniquely built, filled with strange rocks and bamboo forests. The accommodations were all wooden villas, clean and tidy, decorated warmly and elegantly.

There was a problem, though. Because it was a package deal, the resort only provided one room with two 1.5-meter beds. Remembering what had happened, I felt it wasn't appropriate and wanted to ask the staff if they could help us book another room, even if it cost extra. But Mom didn't seem to care, saying that it was a waste to pay extra for something free, and she insisted on not booking another room. I had no choice but to stay with Mom.

After lunch, we went to explore the scenic area. The scenery was indeed beautiful: lush bamboo forests, majestic waterfalls, and crystal-clear babbling brooks. All of this excited Mom immensely, as if she had returned to her youth. She took off her shoes to catch fish in the stream and bought a homemade bamboo water gun from the locals for a water fight.

My mom, who used to be quite timid, wasn't scared at all when she went rafting. She shouted excitedly as she rushed down from the top. The picturesque scenery and relaxed atmosphere made us completely forget all our worries, and we had a great time.

Of course, every time my mom took a shower and changed clothes at night, I would consciously go for a walk beforehand to avoid her misunderstanding or remembering that incident, so everything was fine.

Yesterday afternoon, my mom and I went to climb the highest mountain in the scenic area. It was already a bit hot in May, and my mom was clearly starting to tire when we were almost at the top. I suggested that we go back, but she said, "How can we do that? We've climbed more than halfway; we can't give up halfway."

We drank some water, rested for a while, and prepared to continue climbing. But after a few steps, I noticed Mom hadn't gotten up yet. Just as I was about to ask her, she spoke first: "Xiaofan, Mom's almost exhausted, I can't even stand up. Why don't you help me?" Her resentful tone startled me. But Mom stared at me and reached out her hand. I had no choice but to go back and take her hand, helping her up. Seeing her up, I wanted to let go, but Mom didn't seem inclined to. She didn't look at me, but held my hand and continued climbing.

I had no choice but to continue pulling her up. There were few people on the mountain path, and the mountains were very quiet, with only a few birdsongs and the occasional rustling of the wind through the trees and bamboo. Mom and I didn't speak, holding hands and focusing on climbing towards the summit.

When we reached the top, our palms were sweaty, whether from heat or fatigue. My mother's slender fingers and delicate skin made my heart pound. Sensing something was wrong, I quickly let go of her hand and sat down under a tree, drinking water incessantly. My mother watched me silently for a while, then found a rock to sit on, her eyes gazing blankly down the mountain.

A cool breeze had picked up on the mountaintop, but remembering what had just happened, remembering the feeling of holding my mother's hand, I still felt sweat trickling down my forehead. My mother and I sat, one under the tree, the other on the rock, neither of us speaking. After a while, the dozen or so people who had been on the mountaintop gradually descended, leaving only my mother and me. My mother went to the viewing platform at the summit, leaned against the railing for a while, and then called me over.

"Have you seen Titanic?" Mom asked. "Yes, why?" "You remember that classic pose the male and female leads struck at the bow of the ship, right? I've always wanted to stand at the bow and imitate it someday, but I've never had the chance to ride a ship. Does this look like the bow of a ship? There's a bamboo forest below, so beautiful! Will you help Mom fulfill this wish?" As she spoke, I felt Mom's face flush slightly as she glanced at me, then she stood by the railing and stretched out her arms.

Hearing Mom's words, my heart started pounding again. I pondered Mom's words. What did she mean? Was she just asking me to help her fulfill her wish of imitating the movie?

Just as I was nervously thinking, Mom turned her head and said, "What's wrong, Xiaofan? Don't you want to help me?" I quickly composed myself and said, "No." "Then come on, stand behind me and hold my waist." I remember being extremely nervous at that moment, my outstretched hands trembling slightly, but I finally held Mom's waist. That soft feeling almost made me impulsively act, but I didn't dare to think too much about it. Sweat kept pouring down my forehead.

Mom stood there for a while and said, "Close your eyes and listen to the wind." I subconsciously did as Mom said and closed my eyes, but I could only feel the warmth of Mom's body coming from my hands. I couldn't hear any wind at all, which made my hands tremble even more.

Just as I was trying my best to suppress my feelings, Mom said again, "How beautiful! If only we had a camera to capture this moment, we could preserve it forever. I wish it could stay like this forever." Mom's words struck me like a bolt of lightning. What did Mom mean? This was definitely not just a simple exclamation caused by the beautiful scenery. What was the meaning behind her words...? Just as I was pondering this in a panic, Mom turned her head and glanced at me, smiled and said, "What are you thinking about, silly boy? Okay, let's go down the mountain." I quickly snapped out of my daze, forced a smile and said okay, letting go of Mom's waist. Mom smiled and didn't say anything, and started walking down the mountain. I quickly followed behind her.

Along the way, Mom hummed a song and skipped along like a child, occasionally picking up a fallen bamboo leaf or wildflower. Finally, she even made a wreath out of roadside vines and wildflowers and wore it on her head, asking me if it looked good.

I, however, was trailing behind, my mind racing with anxious thoughts. I kept thinking about Mom's hands, then her back, and her words kept echoing in my ears.

The saying "the weather is unpredictable" is so true. Just moments before, the sky was fine, but when we reached the mountainside, the wind picked up, and many clouds rolled in from the east. Mom said it was going to rain, so we quickened our pace and headed downhill. We hurried, but as soon as we reached the foot of the mountain, a torrential downpour began. Without thinking, I took off my t-shirt and used it to shield Mom and me from the rain, then grabbed her hand and ran towards the resort.

We finally made it back to our room, both of us soaked to the bone. We'd run so fast that as soon as we closed the door, we were both leaning against the wall, panting heavily, too exhausted to even walk back inside.

After a short rest, I noticed that my mother's hair, which had been styled in a bun, was now disheveled from the rain. Her white t-shirt clung tightly to her body, revealing the shape of her breasts, and her pale yellow bra was clearly visible. I, on the other hand, had taken off my t-shirt and was shirtless, with rainwater streaming down my back.

We exchanged a glance. My mother seemed to notice my gaze, looked down at herself, blushed slightly, and turned her face away. I immediately looked away from her chest and said, "Mom, hurry up and take a shower and change your clothes. I'll wait for you outside." I turned to open the door.

My hand had just grasped the door lock when Mom hugged me tightly from behind. My body stiffened, my mind went blank, and I stood there dumbfounded. Mom held me tightly, her head pressed against my back, and I could feel her sobbing.

After a while, I heard Mom cry and say, "Xiaofan, thank you for taking care of me this past year. I'm so touched, you know? I've never been cared for or cherished by a man like this before. You know your dad, all he cares about is his career and work, all he thinks about is how to get promoted, he never cares about our family. Do you know how much bitterness and loneliness I've felt all these years? I didn't even have anyone to confide in. It's your care for me all this time that has made me feel like a woman again. It's so wonderful to have someone who cares and loves me. Do you remember what happened last year?" "I was in so much pain then, I felt like I couldn't go on living. But now I'm grateful for that incident. If it weren't for that, you wouldn't be so considerate and caring towards me. I'm a woman, I crave to be cared for, to be cherished. I also have loneliness and solitude, can you understand me? Mom isn't a bad woman, otherwise I would have wronged your father long ago. But now I really depend on you, I want you to love me, care for me, and cherish me. If I hated that incident before, now I don't resent it at all, I don't regret it at all, do you understand what Mom is saying?" Mom said, crying.

Although her words were a little incoherent, every word touched my nerves. Of course I understood what she was saying. I felt my heart beating faster and faster. My body, which had been chilled by the rain, began to feel the warmth from Mom's body. I didn't know if the water on my back was Mom's tears or the rain from before, but I didn't know how to answer Mom. I could only let Mom hold me and let her sob on my back.

After a while, seeing that I didn't answer her or react at all, Mom slowly let go of my hand, went into the room, and lay down on the bed to continue crying. I stood there blankly for a while, then looked out the door. The rain was still pouring down. I ran to a small pavilion in the bamboo grove not far away, repeatedly thinking about Mom's words.

Mom has worked very hard. I have witnessed and deeply understand everything she has done over the years. I have been raised by Mom almost entirely since I was a child. Dad rarely comes home. Mom takes care of everything at home, big and small, and does all the chores by herself.

My mother appears gentle on the surface, but she's a strong-willed person at heart. She's never talked about these things with anyone, but I remember many times when she took me to see other families of three strolling in the park, and when those couples walked intimately together

, a hint of loneliness would always appear in her eyes. Yes, my mother is a woman, and women all yearn to be loved and cherished, but she rarely received that from my father. The way she looked when I gave her gifts these past few times showed that she's also a woman at heart, longing for romance and to be pampered.

Although I don't know what my parents' sex life is like, they're at least often apart. My mother is a normal woman; frankly, at her age, she should be in her prime, so how can she be satisfied?

Perhaps, as my mother says, my care and attention have given her a sense of happiness, and she's begun to cling to me, even developing a love that transcends motherhood. But can I accept it? Would

accepting it be unfair to my father? What if she only acted on impulse and regretted it later? What if she regrets it and returns to her days of silence and pain? But what if I don't accept it? Would I be betraying my mother's heart?

My mother has confessed her feelings to me. Will I embarrass her if I don't accept? Will she do something rash again?

My mind raced, one moment thinking of this, the next of that. One moment I thought of my mother's hardships, the next of my father's admonitions, then the warm memories of our walks, shopping trips, and jokes, then I thought of my mother's hands, her back, and then I recalled that dark, silent period of our lives. My mind was a jumbled mess, I couldn't make sense of it all.

Before I knew it, it was dark, and the rain had stopped. I was still shirtless, and a gust of wind made me feel very cold. I didn't know if I should go back to my room, or how to tell my mother.

Eventually, the mountain night wind became unbearable, and people were already going for walks in the bamboo forest after dinner. I reluctantly went back to my room. I opened the door; the room was dark, the lights were off, and as soon as I closed the door, I could hear my mother crying.

I turned on the light and went in. I saw my mother still lying on the bed, sobbing. Her body trembled with each sob, and her hair was disheveled, clinging to her shoulders and the pillow. The pillow was soaked, I couldn't tell if it was rainwater from her hair or her tears.

Looking at her trembling body and listening to her mournful cries, I felt a pang of heartache. For some reason, my nose stung and I couldn't help but cry. Ignoring my inner turmoil, I went over to her, tears streaming down my face, and held her shoulders, saying, "Mom, don't cry. I understand everything you've said, and I understand your pain. It's just so sudden, my mind is a bit muddled. Please don't cry, okay? Seeing you so sad makes me feel so bad too." My mother's sobs slowly turned into laughter. She sat up, turned around, and grabbed my hand, saying, "Xiaofan, do you think Mom is a bad woman? Listen to Mom, Mom isn't a bad woman. Although your father is rarely home, Mom has never done anything to betray him. But right now, I really depend on you. I just want your care and protection. What Mom is saying is true. Do you believe me?" I looked at my mother firmly and said, "Mom, of course I believe you. I know you're a good woman, and I love you very much. It's just that what happened has affected me a lot. I'm afraid you acted impulsively, and if you regret it, I really don't know what to do..." Hearing that I also loved her, before I could finish speaking, my mother covered my mouth with her hand and nestled in my arms, saying, "Don't say anymore. Actually, I've been conflicted too. I've scolded myself for developing such an attachment to you, but your concern for me..." Your care and concern truly moved me. I felt so happy and warm. You don't understand a woman's longing for care and love. You should know my personality. Although I'm a woman, once I've made up my mind, even if it's wrong, I won't regret it. Actually, I thought about it for a long time before I dared to tell you. I've made up my mind. Since we've already had one experience with a man, I don't care about anything else. Even if there's any retribution, it's my fault, so let me bear it alone. I just want you to continue to care for me, understand me, cherish me, and love me, so I can be a real woman, a happy woman." After saying that, she looked up at me and asked, "Okay?" Hearing my mother's confession, I was once again shocked. Her determination made my heart churn like a stormy sea. I felt like a man who was inferior to my mother, how pathetic.

Looking at my mother's tear-streaked face, I felt an overwhelming pity. Feeling the softness and warmth of her body, I felt myself heating up, my mouth going dry. I hugged her tightly and said,

"Mom, I'm so sorry, I'm such a coward, making you so sad. I love you so much, I'll take good care of you and cherish you, I'll always love you as long as you want." My mother hugged me back tightly, and slowly our body temperatures rose. I felt her breasts pressed against my chest, and my hands involuntarily began to gently stroke her back.

The room fell silent; I could almost hear our heartbeats. We hugged for a long time. Gradually, my initial nervousness subsided, and my confused mind cleared. Slowly, her scent aroused my body, and my lower body began to swell. In a moment of passion, I impulsively cupped her face and kissed her lips deeply. Our new relationship began.

Before I knew it, my mother and I were both naked. All I could see was a snow-white, voluptuous body, which ignited my desire. My mind went blank, and I pounced on her, kissing and caressing her relentlessly until I entered her. After a series of rapid thrusts, I rolled off my mother, covered in sweat, and lay on the bed.

The ceiling light made it impossible for me to see anything. My mother lay there, panting. Gradually, our breathing calmed, and my mind returned to normal. I asked my mother, "Mom, are you really not going to regret this?" My mother rolled over, rested her head on my chest, and hugged me, saying, "As long as you love and care for me, I won't regret it. Even if I'm struck by lightning, I'll have been happy." I was deeply moved by my mother's words and reached out to hug her tightly, savoring the warmth. We didn't speak again, and slowly, my mother and I fell asleep. When I woke up, I saw my mother still in my arms, awake, her eyes staring blankly at the ceiling. I asked her what was wrong. Instead of answering me, she asked, "Xiaofan, don't you think I'm shameless, a mother doing this to her son?" I turned to face her and said, "Mom, I absolutely don't have such thoughts. I've always thought you were the kindest mother and the best woman in the world. I'm not a child anymore, I understand your loneliness and I know about people's normal physiological needs. Although others may think what we're doing is wrong, I know it's because you love me, and I love you too. You'll always be the best in my heart." My mother kept looking at me as I finished speaking, and tears started flowing again. I think she was moved by my words, so I teased her, saying, "Mom, why are you crying again? You're such a grown-up, yet you cry so much. You've been crying for so long today, your eyes look like peaches. It breaks my heart to see you like this. If you cry again, I'll cry too. Let's not sleep tonight, let's have a good cry-out!" My mother was genuinely amused by my words. Wiping away her tears, she smiled and said, "I won't cry anymore. I'll be so happy with you in the future. I'll never cry again." At that moment, I felt the bed beneath me was wet. I released my mother and sat up, seeing a large wet patch on the bed. I realized that my mother had gone back to her room wearing soaking wet clothes and had climbed onto the bed to cry. Plus, I was wearing soaking wet pants, so the bed had been soaked for a while. I hadn't noticed it earlier because of my nervousness and excitement.

My mother also realized something was wrong and looked at me, saying, "Ugh, it's so dirty!" She quickly jumped off the bed.

This movement made her breasts jiggle, and my gaze was involuntarily drawn to them. My mother felt my gaze and realized she was still naked.

Her face flushed, she grabbed a pillowcase from the other bed, covered her chest, said "Don't come in," and fled into the bathroom. Hearing the running water, I slowly calmed down, sat on the sofa, and reflected on what had happened between my mother and me that day. I felt a mix of surprise, emotion, and a little fear and pressure.

I was overjoyed to have my mother again, and to have her for a long time to come. I was also moved by how suddenly things happened, how quickly things changed, and by my mother's decisiveness and resolve. I felt a little guilty towards my father, and the pressure came from figuring out how to better care for my mother, show her love, and make her happy.

My mother came out of the shower in her pajamas, and I took a shower too. Since one bed was wet, my mother and I squeezed onto another bed and cuddled together. We didn't make love; we just held each other, caressed each other, enjoying the deep love and warm atmosphere, sharing our innermost thoughts as we drifted off to sleep.

This morning, when I woke up, my mother was no longer in the room. I was a little nervous, wondering if she had truly regretted her decision. I quickly got dressed and went to look for her. Finally, I saw her on an open-air balcony in the resort. My mother was leaning on the railing, facing the sunlight and gazing into the distance. My heart pounded as I walked to her side. My mother turned her head, saw me, her face flushed slightly, and then she turned back to look ahead.

I asked nervously, "Mom, what's wrong?" My mother noticed something was off about my voice and, as if understanding my thoughts, smiled and said, "Nothing. I came out to watch the sunrise. Don't you think the sunrise is the most beautiful? Especially the sunshine after the rain. From the moment I made up my mind to push through the clouds, I was ready to welcome the new sun. I won't regret it." I understood the meaning behind my mother's words; she was just too shy to say it outright, but she clearly implied that she wouldn't regret it. My anxious heart calmed down. Relaxing, I leaned on the railing and said, "Mom, I always thought you were a very gentle woman, but I didn't expect you to be such a determined and decisive one." My mother blushed and said, "Gentle or decisive, it's all a woman's nature. Women all have a vulnerable side and crave support." "Mom, don't worry, I'll be your support from now on. I'll never let you suffer." My mother didn't say anything after hearing my words, but gave me a deep look, smiled, and said, "Let's go, Mom's hungry." After breakfast, my mother lost the calm she had on the balcony that morning and became a lively and adorable little girl again. We chased and played in the bamboo forest on the mountain. She made another flower wreath and had me put it on her. No longer feeling the tension and conflict of the day before, I put the wreath on her and even kissed her on the cheek. Startled, Mom looked around nervously to see if anyone was watching, then shyly warned me that I absolutely couldn't do that in public.

After lunch, we started our journey home. Along the way, Mom kept talking about all the beautiful scenery she had seen these past few days, exclaiming that these were the most relaxed and happiest days she had had in recent years.

Seeing Mom's happy face, some of my initial worries slowly disappeared. Recalling the intimate moment with Mom last night, I suddenly realized a problem, a very serious problem. I slammed on the brakes and pulled the car to the side of the road. Because Mom wasn't expecting it, her body lurched forward, almost hitting the windshield.

My mother was startled and, seeing my nervous expression, quickly asked, "What's wrong, Xiaofan?" I didn't know what to say for a moment. My mother was anxious, "Xiaofan, what's wrong? Say something! Don't scare your mother!" I mustered my courage and asked softly, "Mom, about what we did yesterday, could you be pregnant again?" My mother's face turned red instantly when she heard my question. She turned to look ahead and said, "You only just remembered? What were you doing then?" I nervously answered her, "I... I was too impulsive. I'm sorry, Mom, it's all my fault." My mother was amused by my nervousness and stammering words. She turned her head and glared at me, saying, "Okay, don't be nervous. You'll be fine these next few days. Don't overthink it. Just drive carefully. You scared me to death just now." Hearing my mother say that, I felt relieved, smiled foolishly, and continued driving.

It was past 9 pm when I got home. We were both exhausted. We each took a shower and ate something quickly. Mom went to her room, and without being invited, I didn't know whether I should go to her room to sleep. So I went back to my own room, tossed and turned in bed, unable to fall asleep. My mind kept replaying everything that happened yesterday, like a dream. I don't know what the future holds for Mom and me; everything is uncertain. But it's so good to have Mom.

It's almost 2 am now, and I've never written such a long diary entry before.

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