Reasons for happiness

page views:1 Publication date:2023-03-23

There's only one reason for happiness, but a million reasons for unhappiness. The ending of this experience made me completely understand that in the world of relationships for those who drift in Beijing, there is no forever, only fleeting sparks. Right now, you probably think I'm wrong because the girl in your arms has been living with you in a basement for a year. That's because she's never lived in a high-rise building, and because no one has tried to seduce her with material things. If even 50% of the girls who drift in Beijing leave you, that's the reality of relationships for those who drift in Beijing. So, guys, hurry up and work hard! Work hard for your woman!
Let's get down to business. What Jiaojiao did for me on my birthday made me realize she didn't love me, but she treated me better than a lover. She put my happiness first, and even though she didn't have much money, she would try her best to make me happy. That day, I got up early and went to work first, without even having time to say goodbye to Qiqi. Jiaojiao often asked me, intentionally or unintentionally, if I missed Qiqi. I said I didn't, that having my boyfriend and her was enough. Actually, Qiqi was the one I liked. She's from Guangdong, gentle, and petite. I also like girls with short hair. But we were all just looking for a one-night stand, so why take it so seriously? In Beijing, you have to be serious about everything. Let this one-night stand go with the flow!
The ending was tragic. The ending between me and my boyfriend, the ending between me and Jiaojiao... Just when I thought it was over, fate arranged for the four of us—my boyfriend, Jiaojiao, and Qiqi—to meet one last time, which brought this relationship to a close!
Jiaojiao was inspired by what I said that day. I told her to find a job; going to nightclubs and working can coexist, they're not contradictory! She suddenly had a breakthrough and found a job at a disco in less than a week. She was a hostess, which meant serving customers in private rooms. There was no salary, only tips. It was a disco called "Highway" near the roundabout! We saw each other much less often. If I got home early from get off work, I could see her putting on makeup. I felt disgusted just looking at her long false eyelashes. She usually got off work late at night. Sometimes she went home, and sometimes I didn't know where she went! One afternoon, I went home because I had nothing to do. No one was home, but Jiaojiao came back soon after. She'd gone on a big shopping spree and bought a lot of things. When she saw me, she playfully hugged me and asked me to guess what she'd bought. I said, "What could a nouveau riche buy? Just a few swimsuits, bras, and shorts, right?" She immediately went into her room, fussed around for a while, and came out wearing her new super short outfit, asking me if it looked good. Without looking up, I said it looked good. She playfully lifted my head, insisting I look. After I looked, I still said it looked good. She went back into her room to fuss, and when she came out again, she was wearing her new bra and shorts. I looked up and said, "This must be expensive! Did you steal a customer?" This made her laugh so hard she ran around the room like a madwoman! Making money at the disco is easy; she'd only been working there for a week. Suddenly, she hugged me and asked, "Do you want to know what I bought you?" I said, "Condoms, I guess?" She said, "We don't need those!" After saying that, she went inside and brought me a paper bag. I opened it and saw a CK short-sleeved shirt and two pairs of CK shorts. They were new and quite nice. These three items would cost at least 800 yuan. I said, "Why did you buy these? They're so expensive. Even if you have money, don't forget the days when you didn't. I'll pay you however much you owe me!" Jiaojiao quickly covered my mouth and told me very seriously, "Darling, when I spend money on you, it's like you spend money on me. I always feel like I haven't spent enough!" It turned out that she bought a new phone today, and when she was taking the SIM card out of her old phone, she found the 100 yuan I had hidden in the phone case. She said she cried her eyes out in the phone store and only left after the salesperson was stunned by her crying! I told her that she didn't need to buy me anything anymore. We both understood each other's feelings, and that was enough. Jiaojiao told me that she would pay me back all the money she owed me, plus the interest, in a week. I said no need, just send some money home! Jiaojiao insisted I change into shorts for her. As soon as I entered her room, she clung to me tightly. This time, she truly let loose during sex. Perhaps because I'd always been financially supportive of her, she was considerate of my feelings, but this time she had no such reservations and became even more frenzied, desperately yelling for the rapist to rape me. I was completely stunned. Women with money are truly terrifying! After we finished and showered, I changed into the underwear she'd bought me. She was putting on makeup. I didn't want to talk to her, but I couldn't help but remind her a few things: don't deprive yourself too much for money, don't waste your earnings, send more home… She smiled bitterly and said, "I'm very happy now. This is the life I wanted in Beijing!" From then on, I never asked about her again. Because she worked every night, we saw each other less and less. I returned to my world with my boyfriend. Then I realized that our world had undergone a dramatic change, a change so sudden that I hadn't expected it at all!
My girlfriend still works her usual day and night shift, and when she gets home she studies for her hospital exam. But I noticed she often falls asleep after studying for a while, and later she stopped studying altogether and went straight to bed after dinner. Her germaphobia wasn't as severe as before, and her appetite had increased. At first, I thought she was just overworked and didn't pay much attention, telling her to rest and not overwork herself. One day at work, I saw a female colleague telling others she was pregnant, also newly pregnant, feeling extremely tired, eating a lot, and unwilling to do anything. I immediately thought of my girlfriend, but she's a nurse, she should know these symptoms indicate pregnancy, and we always use condoms! Her period was due soon, so I observed her discreetly. Sure enough, her period was late. We both had the day off, and I got up early to make breakfast and call her to eat. Before she even ate, she suddenly felt nauseous. I felt I should confront her; dragging it out wasn't good for anyone. I directly asked her if she might be pregnant. My girlfriend panicked and said, "How could I be?" I suggested I buy a pregnancy test to try it out. If it wasn't positive, great; if it was, we could discuss what to do. My boyfriend quickly said no, but I didn't listen. I grabbed my coat and went out. I bought a test at the pharmacy across the street, but then went back and bought another one. When I got home, I saw her sitting blankly on the sofa, looking dazed. My heart ached, but I pretended to care. I went over and hugged her, touched her forehead, and seeing she didn't have a fever, suggested we go to the bathroom to take a test. She looked helplessly at the test in my hand and slowly walked into the bathroom. I wanted to go with her, but she said she had to do it herself! I leaned against the bathroom wall, holding another test strip. Because I had participated in a local police raid on entertainment venues during my military service, I knew some women would try to pass off the test strip without actually putting it in their urine. Reality forced me to imagine her as one of our targets—what a pathetic scene! A moment later, she opened the door, told me everything was fine, and handed me the test strip. I didn't even look at it; I glanced at the toilet seat and saw urine inside. I told her, "Thank goodness you're not pregnant. You made me worry for so long." I bought a pregnancy test strip, and as soon as I finished speaking, I threw it into the toilet. Unexpectedly, she suddenly rushed to the toilet like a madwoman, slamming the lid shut and repeatedly pressing the flush button. I stood there calmly watching her every move, my heart filled with mixed emotions. The water gushed from the toilet, washing away not just the pregnancy test, but our year-long relationship, washing away every little detail of our life together in Beijing. She slumped onto the toilet seat, burying her face in her hands and sobbing. I calmed myself for a minute, then gently said to her, "Silly girl, why are you crying about being pregnant? This is a good thing, we should be happy. Although it was a little surreal that I got pregnant. Honey, do you think Jiaojiao played a prank and deliberately tore our condoms?" She cried even harder. I knelt down, lifted her head, looked into her eyes, and told her, word by word, "Don't cry. I've decided to keep this child. If you're sure it's mine, then feel free to give birth. I can support you both. I really want a child too!" I spoke in a very gentle tone, but my eyes betrayed me. My small, single-eyelid eyes were practically spitting fire. She cried even harder when she heard what I said. We couldn't communicate at all. I picked her up and put her on the bed in the bedroom, poured her a glass of water, then closed the door, turned on the TV, and curled up on the sofa, wondering what to do. I don't know why I didn't feel much anger, but rather a sense of relief and guilt. I felt relieved because I could finally let go of the burden of feeling indebted to Jiaojiao because of our relationship, since we were even now. I felt guilty because I knew her very well; she was definitely not a casual person. Her social circle was very small; she had no other friends besides Jiaojiao and me. Her phone almost never rang, except when her parents called or when there was work-related business. Moreover, she was very good to me. She didn't have a permanent position and only earned 1500 yuan a month, but she would always think of buying me something every month. When I took her shopping, she never wanted anything, but she was willing to spend money on me. Every time we went shopping, she would buy me something first, and then buy something cheaper for herself. She never used cosmetics; her only hobby was cross-stitch. The "Harmony Brings Prosperity" calligraphy hanging on the wall was something she spent two months stitching herself. What made her become like this? She definitely wasn't being bullied. If she were, she would have told me immediately. She believes I'm absolutely capable of protecting her. If she fell in love with someone else, she would break up with me first before being with anyone else. I sat quietly for an hour. The TV was showing "Bright Sword," and it was showing the scene where Li Yunlong's wife was standing at the entrance of the county town with a Japanese soldier holding a knife to her neck, shouting at Li Yunlong, "Li Yunlong, fire the cannon! Don't make me look down on you!" I was also a soldier and really liked this TV series. I knew I had to face a similar situation now. I got up and went into the bedroom. I saw her packing her things; her suitcase was almost full. She was full. When she saw me come in, she didn't cry, but tears kept flowing. I'd seen many scenes like this when I was discharged from the army. Crying out loud could have many reasons, and once you've vented, it's over. But this silent crying is like your heart is bleeding; it's the most damaging thing to your body. You have to hide it and control yourself, but you can't stop the tears from flowing, like your heart is bleeding. Her tears were pouring down, soaking her clothes. I felt so sorry for her that I hugged her and wiped away her tears, gently telling her not to cry. She hugged me and bit my shoulder hard. I didn't say anything. This went on for about a minute. Then she wiped her tears and started talking to me!
She: Why didn't you ask whose baby it was?
Me: Whose baby it was doesn't matter. What matters is that it's not mine. I don't care if it's not mine!
She: Are you even a man? Your partner went through something like this, and you're acting like nothing happened!
Me: What do you want me to do? Beat you half to death? And then tell your parents? Is that necessary? We're not married, we don't have children, we're both free. You have the right to choose what to do, and I have my own way of handling things!
She: Don't you want to know why I did this?
Me: I do want to know, but you're not my personal possession. I have no right to interrogate you. If you want an answer, just say it. Actually, I already know the answer!
She: Let me tell you, our unit had five contract positions, with more than ten people competing, including people from Beijing. I passed the exam, but I wasn't confident about getting the chief physician position. One day I was on duty, and the head of the department was also on duty. He called her into his office to talk to me about the contract. In the end, this married man suggested that if I could be with him, I would definitely get the contract. He told me to decide for myself. Many people wanted this position, and then everything...
Me: ...
She: Will you forgive me?
Me: Was it your own choice?
She: I was confused at the time. Please forgive me. I really can't live without you!
I respect your choice. In Beijing, no one forgives anyone else; it's just a matter of who is not suitable for whom. Maybe I'm not suitable for you. You can move after you find a place. I'll stay at a friend's house for a few days!
After saying that, I got dressed to leave. She hugged me tightly, saying she was wrong, regretted it terribly, and would never do it again. She said, "Let's go back to our hometown together and never come to this godforsaken place, Beijing!" I broke free from her grasp, looked at her, and said, "Don't say Beijing changed us; it's more accurate to say we lost ourselves in Beijing. I can't give you a stable job, but is a stable job really that important? I can accept you leaving me for a stable job, but I can't accept you betraying me for a job. I want to see you doing well, especially in Beijing, where we are the closest people to each other. But why did you choose this way to end our relationship? If one day the hospital director makes you a head nurse, would you still sleep with him? I'm very angry today, but I'm even angrier at myself. I'm incapable of taking care of you, and I don't deserve to be your man. Since you value your job more than me, I can only wish you success in your work, and forget about me. Take all your things from the house!" After saying that, I opened the door and left. Once outside the community, I didn't know which way to go, where to go, or who to look for. I was truly lost. I stood alone at the crossroads for a full 30 minutes. A phone call from my boss pulled me back. I quickly wiped the tears from my face and went to the garage to get my car. That day, my boss had taken his mistress to Tianjin. On the Beijing-Tianjin Expressway, the image of her begging me kept flashing through my mind. We had known each other for a year, and I had never made her cry. I never imagined that this first time would be the last. Before I knew it, I was already driving at 160 km/h. My boss, a retired soldier, slowly said, "This isn't an airplane. Captain, you should land." I hurriedly released my foot, which was firmly pressed on the accelerator. My boss earnestly told me, "Fool, this is Beijing, a constantly changing Beijing. The only thing that won't change is Tiananmen Square on Chang'an Avenue. Since you're in Beijing, learn to adapt to it and change with it. Never try to change others. Things you change will lose their flavor. Do you understand what I mean?" I nodded earnestly. The other woman next to me, a Beijing native, said, "Oh, heartbroken? Tomorrow, I'll introduce you to a bunch of Beijing girls, you can choose. Don't look so down over women, just drive carefully, don't drag us down with you."

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