It is neither love nor affection

page views:1 Publication date:2023-03-23

"Bai Xue, I've killed someone." I shuddered, almost dropping the phone.

"Brother, stay put, I'm coming right now." I frantically gathered the medical records on my desk, not even bothering to take off my white coat, and rushed out of the office.

I knew it was best not to wait for the elevator today. I'd had this impression for a long time: Mondays were the busiest days for patients, but like everyone else, I hadn't thought about why. I hurried down the stairs. On the very bottom floor, I stumbled and fell into the arms of a doctor. He stumbled back several steps before catching me, saying, "Miss, why are you in such a hurry?"

"There's a fire," I said, not even bothering to apologize, only hearing him sigh behind me, "They've all gone mad."

The inpatient building was crowded with patients, everywhere were listless men and women holding medical records waiting for their appointments, and many family members. Occasionally, people would part to let a young man help an elderly person, who was trembling, pass by.

Right there at the phone booth outside the inpatient department, there was that familiar figure—a tall, imposing man with broad shoulders.

"Brother, what are you doing in Guangzhou?"

"Bai Xue, something happened. I killed that man," my brother, Bai Han, said, his head bowed.

"Killed him?" I grabbed his arm and shouted, "Who did you kill? How could you kill someone!" "That adulterer," he said through gritted teeth.

People bustled around us. The inpatient department's convenience store faced the hospital entrance, its noise rising like waves, occasionally punctuated by the sharp, hoarse sound of a car horn. People were handing out flyers at the entrance.

I scrutinized his face; it was ashen, completely devoid of color, as if coated with wax. His once handsome face was now gaunt, his large, dark eyes now deeply sunken.

He raised his hand to wipe the sweat from his brow, and I noticed a bandage wrapped around the web of his left hand.

"Wait for me, I'll be right there." Without waiting for his reply, I turned and ran back to the inpatient department.

All the doctors in the department had gone to make their rounds; only a young intern was working on patient records. I told him, "Please ask for leave for me, we have a guest." I changed in the break room, taking off my undershirt and leaving only my underwear and bra.

The naive intern pushed open the door and said, "Dr. Bai, I've written a leave slip for you, please sign it."

I was startled and quickly covered my chest with my undershirt. This curvaceous body, with its snow-white, smooth, and supple skin; those full, firm breasts; and the only clothing I wore—a red bra and panties—were all laid bare before this naive young man's gaze.

Bai Han is my brother. All along, aside from the paternal love we share for our children, we are arguably the two closest people in the world, even though he is my husband and I am his wife. He is my only brother, sharing the same bloodline. Although we lived in different places, we talked on the phone every day, about everything. That's why I knew his wife, my difficult sister-in-law, was having an affair.

Our parents died in a car accident when I was fifteen. That day, we were picked up by a car from my parents' workplace and taken to the accident site. I was covered in tears, curled up helplessly, my throat hoarse from crying. Our numb hearts suddenly shattered. He held me tightly, sobbing uncontrollably. I knew that only my brother remained in this world, crying and calling out, "Brother!" Each cry was more heart-wrenching than the last. His response felt like a knife twisting in my heart, the pain coursing through my veins.

He could only hold me tightly, trying to calm me down, to make me feel safe with my brother by my side. People around us sighed, "God, have pity on these two siblings!" Our parents had left us like that. It was at that moment that my brother, Bai Han, shouldered the love our parents had for me.

Slowly, day after day passed. The painful scene gradually blurred in my memory. In my eyes, my brother was my home. My father, a renowned thoracic surgeon in his time, left us a considerable inheritance, including a small courtyard house and a two-story building.

Before I knew it, I was in high school. I had grown into a beautiful young woman, my face rosy and fair, as if powdered, exceptionally vibrant. My body, increasingly mature, was like a ripe, fragrant, juicy fruit, ready to burst with sweet moisture at the slightest touch. My breasts, ravaged by time, had become full and firm, my waist slender and graceful, and my buttocks rounded out. Wherever I went, I attracted the lingering gazes of men, their eyes licking at my chest and body like snakes.

The departure of my parents left our once joyful, warm, and happy home empty and silent. It left me bewildered, trying to find some reason to cheer myself up, but many things happened and unfolded without any plausible justification.

In high school, I had a close friend named Fei'er. Fei'er was a charming woman unlike me. She was the school beauty, and you could always find her in the lead dance position at any group dance. She was mature and alluring, well-developed, and men found her both innocent and seductive. She never wore a bra under her school uniform, letting her red or black bra straps show, and she knew how to flirt with boys. She was energetic, spoke with great emotion, and loved chatting with me. She wasn't bothered by my harshness, because her house was very cramped, and she practically lived in my room for the entire semester.

Fei'er reclined in the best armchair in the room.

Wearing only underwear, her legs were curled up like a snake with its joints trembling. The lamplight beside her cast a soft glow, making her long, flowing black hair gleam. "By the way, Bai Xue, did you see the new classmate who walked into the classroom today? I've never seen such a handsome face before. He's mine." "Nonsense," I said, squeezing boiling water from the kettle to make her a cup of instant coffee. I sat down quietly, knowing full well she would eventually spill the beans.

She picked up a packet of Green Mole from the coffee table, shook out a cigarette, and lit it. I took one too, a strange feeling suddenly washing over me, as if she was about to tell me something related to me.

Yi Ming was a tall, thin boy with a fair, narrow face and long, clear eyes. His legs were long and straight. He looked very clean and spirited, with an otherworldly cleanliness, a captivating gaze.

She said, "He noticed me the first thing when he walked into the classroom." She smiled slightly. "You know, when a man looks at you with those eyes, it can make you go crazy."

"You've always been passionate," I interjected with ill intent.

In my bedroom, two girls stayed up all night. Fei'er would tell me which men she slept with, how they differed, her face filled with a languid passion, silvery shadows at the corners of her eyes.

Half-asleep, Fei'er said to me, "Bai Xue, you need to learn to play hard to get. You need to learn not to wear underwear starting tomorrow, otherwise you'll always be Cinderella."

I said, "Shut your mouth, go to sleep." I suspected that Fei'er, this passionate and beautiful woman, was either a voyeur or a sex maniac. She always chattered on about vulgar things, like her mother dating or having sex with her lover, her father constantly working out his muscles or watching porn.

That day, they ran into him at the school gate after school. He and a group of boys stood side-by-side on the steps, leaning against the railing, completely blocking the only passageway. Those bodies burning with desire, those hearts driven mad by loneliness. Making vulgar jokes at every girl coming out of school.

We called them crazy, shouting loudly. Fei'er and I walked by hand in hand. Yi Ming walked through them, took a cigarette from one of them. Fei'er saw such a handsome man and called out to him,

"Yi Ming, can you take me home in your car? My car broke down."

Yi Ming said bluntly, "But I want to give Bai Xue a ride." It was almost unbelievable. Like a deer that had survived a catastrophe, I listened with unusual alertness.

He made a meaningful face at his companions, hopped on his bicycle, and rode up to me with his rear end sticking high. Like a wounded animal, I was led away by him in bewilderment, leaving Fei'er standing among the boys, stunned. She thought she was a princess, but someone had actually pulled away Cinderella right in front of her.

I gently wrapped my arms around his waist, sitting close to his back on the bicycle. A sweet, slightly bitter scent, like roses, emanated from his hair, his armpits, and every inch of his skin. I took a deep breath, feeling like a blue whale surfacing from the sea.

Yi Ming said he hated Fei'er's vanity and her body. He turned and smiled at me, a bewildered and gentle smile that made me feel like I was flying. Naturally, neither of us wanted to go home, so he took me to the park. We hid behind a towering stone pillar on the steps of the monument behind the Lotus Pavilion, embracing tightly in its shadow.

He pressed his lips against mine, puckering them into an exaggerated circle, looking rather comical. But I still struck a pose I'd practiced countless times in moments of solitude, my lips slightly parted, a luscious red, my tongue poised to dart out. In his clear eyes, I saw my own handsome face. Large, bright eyes, naturally rosy lips pouting, pleading for a kiss.

His kiss was clumsy and incoherent, his lips merely pressed together, his tongue awkwardly brushing against my teeth. Yet, I still felt enveloped by a wondrous tenderness.

The fine hairs on the back of my neck stood on end. My eyes saw a blurry, dark face. Only his unusually peculiar eyes, like two blazing wildfires in a primeval forest, flickered emerald in the darkness, eagerly searching for something.

His hand slipped inside my open collar, then moved along my shoulder to my bare back. It slowly slid down to my high, firm bra, resting like a feather on my smooth, hemispherical breasts. His fingers finally slipped inside the bra and squeezed my nipples, roughly pinching the swollen, erect nipples between his thumb and another finger, slowly but firmly twisting them.

A surge of heat spread from my chest to my skin, flushing my face and neck crimson. Instinctively, I reacted to his touch; my buttocks began to sway slightly, the pleasure from the pinching of my nipples sending sensations to my lonely vagina. Suddenly, she smelled that familiar scent on herself.

The scent of my usual rose perfume seemed to be mixed with musk, the odor of my armpits, and the sour smell

of sweat. An animal's scent, secreted to attract attention, overwhelmed the faint perfume, seemingly floating around like an invisible, obscene mist. Perhaps this scent deeply aroused him; he roughly pulled my body tighter, unabashedly pressing his erect penis between my legs, which were covered by my panties. Instead of backing down, I swayed my slender waist, trying my best to provoke him, pressing my soft belly against his hardness, my posture as rough as his.

Beneath my thin lace panties, I felt the chafing fabric, rolled up, stimulating my labia like a sharp blade. He could hardly bear it any longer, pulling his throbbing penis out of his pants. He slowly masturbated, staring into my eyes.

At that moment, my expression must have been fearless, letting him take my hand and place it on his penis. When I felt that hot, hard thing in my palm, burning my hand, I couldn't help but let out a soft, weak moan. My buttocks began to writhe back and forth, and a fishy-smelling, lustful fluid leaked from my vagina, dripping down my thighs.

He pushed me against the wall; the sharp, hard stone hurt me. He roughly pulled my skirt up to my waist, not even taking off my underwear, only lifting my pants to one side. Then, he stood between my legs and forcefully lifted one of my legs, holding it with his not-so-strong arm. Then he grasped his penis and pressed the large glans against my swollen, excited labia.

"Oh... Snow White! Baby..." he groaned, thrusting his hard penis into my wet, full labia, the swollen glans pressing into my warm vagina.

I only let out a weak, cat-like meow, a scream of sudden fear. I felt that huge thing pushing in and filling my vagina, a feeling of fullness as if it were about to burst, yet I was also captivated by that fullness, eagerly anticipating his further penetration. He seemed to be pushing me off the ground, and just then, his semen sprayed onto my labia in spurts.

Soon, thick semen seeped from the gap between his penis and my labia, soaking my underwear and dripping down my thighs. His penis began to soften and slowly slid out of my body, and I groaned in disappointment. My labia were still open, but now I felt that men were too selfish. He put my legs on the ground; my left leg was a little numb, like walking on soft cotton. Then he tucked his now-soft penis back into his pants.

He said, "Bai Xue, I can't forget you."

We couldn't help but hug each other tightly again, embracing and kissing passionately without hesitation. His lips sucked on me excitedly and greedily, making loud noises, as if he wanted the whole world to know.

2.

When I got home, my brother Bai Han had already gone to work, leaving a note on the dining table. On the table was a dish of stir-fried squid with pickled cabbage and a bowl of white rice. Bai Han had given up going to university to take care of me. He was now working in the pharmacy warehouse of the hospital where my father used to work, and his time at home was irregular, often rotating shifts. Because of me, he had become more attentive and gentle, even a bit nagging.

But what hadn't changed was his physique: broad shoulders, a thick chest, long legs, and a wasp waist. And then there was that pleasant, masculine scent of sweat and cigarettes that often made me lose control, sometimes even making me secretly lie down on his bed and bury my face in his pillow.

When I was little, I was timid, and on stormy nights with thunder and lightning, I would always run to my mother's bed.

But when my mother left, I could only run to my brother's bed, the only one I depended on.

By then, I was older, and thunder and lightning weren't so scary anymore, but I still ran to his room, climbed onto his bed, and squeezed desperately into his arms, probably because he was afraid. That night, I was exhausted, so I held him close. He patted my back like a mother would, and we fell asleep together.

My labia were sticky and uncomfortable, but I ignored my hunger and went into the bathroom, turning on a light. I felt tired, and looking at myself in the mirror, the weariness gave my face an unusual beauty.

Then I began to take off my clothes, one by one. Watching my body emerge from the tight shirt was like a dazzling stream of water slowly flowing from a broken bottle, gleaming with a soft, special sheen. My satin-skinned buttocks appeared pale and naked. There were no marks on my body that were different from before, but I felt as if I had been branded in a certain way.

A man's hand had touched me, a man's penis had invaded a mysterious corner of my flesh, and I knew I was no longer the person I used to be.

I felt a heat about to explode inside and outside my body. The fuzzy hair on my lower abdomen was exposed, and my labia had become swollen and full, glistening with moisture. My vaginal fluid dripped down my thighs like honey.

The bathtub quickly filled with hot water. I took a deep breath, tested the water temperature with my toes, and then immersed myself in it. The surface of the water exuded the fragrance of jasmine and coconut, along with the foam. I then grabbed a strand of hair and twirled it around my fingers. Lying in the water, I slowly rubbed my skin like a languid mother snake, occasionally squeezing water onto my face with a sponge. I squinted, listlessly playing with my toes, letting the water swirl between them. Sometimes I would drift off to sleep, but a series of noisy footsteps would startle me awake.

"Snow White. Snow White!" I heard Phil's somewhat angry voice. I submerged my face in the warm water, then my head, trying to escape her sharp voice and the impending reality. When I surfaced again, my wet hair clung to my face and neck, and her angry voice remained, growing louder and louder. I got out of the bathtub and wrapped my snow-white naked body in a towel, slowly drying myself. Just then, a rapid, angry knocking sounded at the door.

"I know you're in there, Snow White," she shouted, pounding on the bathroom door.

I said, "I'm almost there."

The sound of high heels hitting the parquet floor outside gradually faded away. Only then did I fold up the towel, open the door, and peek out. Phil, the righteous avenger, was gone. When I cautiously tiptoed into the living room, I was startled. Phil was on the sofa, uncorking a drop of white wine. There were two glasses on the table, one in front of the sofa and the other in front of the armchair. I knew a long talk was about to begin.

Every summer, Phil always wore a dress that looked like a vest, or even a semi-transparent dress and bra, and only tiny panties.

"Sit down," she said with a distinctly commanding tone, her voice calm as she poured the wine.

But I wasn't that stupid. At this moment, Phil was furious about what had happened that afternoon, and the more rational her voice sounded, the worse things were.

"Where did you two go together?" Phil asked, sipping her drink.

I briefly considered lying to appease her, but quickly realized it would be futile. While Phil and I weren't exactly on the same wavelength, we were very close, so if one lied, the other would always pick it out.

"We went to the park, to the monument," I confessed.

She twirled her glass, asking, "You kissed?" I nodded.

She asked again, "Did he touch you?" I nodded again.

She looked up at me, and I noticed a pang of disappointment in her eyes. She sighed, looking hesitant. As Phil focused on my flushed face, I knew I had to tell the whole truth. "We made love.

Phil, he didn't force me; it was my own choice." As I said this, my own emotions surged, and I didn't notice her suffocating expression.

She downed her drink in one gulp, saying, "That lecherous bastard, he did this to you for the first time." I couldn't quite tell if she was jealous or admiring.

"You're so shameless." I startled her; I couldn't recall Phil ever using such a hateful tone.

"Philip, sex isn't as wonderful as you make it out to be." I refilled her glass with the bottle, took a sip, and then deliberately eased the tension.

She stopped, kicked off her shoes, and crossed her legs on the sofa. Now it was her turn to feel confused, yet also filled with excitement, playfulness, and surprise. She was still angry, but much of it had subsided, replaced by curiosity.

She asked, "How did he do it to you?"

I hesitated, shifting uncomfortably in the towel.

"Tell me quickly." Phil touched my smooth, cool arm.

Slowly, I began. Slowly, because it seemed so obscene at first glance, I stammered as I spoke.

Phil brought the glass to my lips, and I took a small sip. As the crisp liquor slid smoothly down my throat, talking about him became natural.

Without thinking, I began to recount in detail how he held my breasts, how he lifted my skirt, and how he forced himself on me before I even took off my underwear. I talked about his lips, his hands, and his penis. The alcohol warmed my lower abdomen, and a surge of heat coursed through my vagina and my already swollen labia. I wasn't ashamed to describe how much I had longed for him. It felt like he was right in front of me. That large, smooth penis entered me, squeezed me, filled me.

Phil curled up on the sofa, her thin bra straps had slipped down, and her breasts were half-exposed, revealing her wanton yellow silk bra. She giggled lasciviously. "Didn't you feel the tearing pain?

Are you a virgin? Did you bleed?"

I shook my head at her barrage of questions. Fei'er laughed wildly, her large breasts jiggling. She pointed at me and shouted, "Actually, you weren't even fully inside!" "Hey, he looks like a virgin too. Bai Xue, you can't have sex with a man like that, he doesn't know anything." As she spoke, I knew she was already slurring her words and was leaning awkwardly against the armrest. Her legs were spread wide apart, the position looking exactly like she was waiting for a man to penetrate her.

"Bai Xue, you give him to me, I'll train him into an expert and then give him back to you, then you'll be satisfied." She carefully made her broken words clear, and tugged at her narrow panties. The pink panties clung tightly between her hot, slender legs, seemingly uncomfortable. The narrow strip was squeezed tightly into her plump petals, which she found extremely repulsive.

"Have you thought this through? If you agree to give up, I guarantee I'll get him into bed within three days." "You're so annoying, it's like there's only lust between men and women," I said loudly.

This startled her. Her eyes widened as if she didn't recognize me. Perhaps at that moment I looked more like a female beast whose territory had been invaded, rather than the gentle, graceful, unambitious, aimless, and carefree girl she always knew.

She finished her drink again, stood up, and staggered out of the living room. She went upstairs very carefully, because the stairs seemed... extremely narrow... and swaying... She took off her dress and fell onto her bed in our shared room, then ripped off her bra, revealing them naked like a pair of soft, ripe fruits. She cupped her full, snow-white breasts in her hands, and then said in a weak voice,

"Make love to me, Yi Ming." She then lewdly flicked her nipples, making them hard and erect.

Fei'er started openly flirting with her brother, Bai Han. She just wanted to prove that she was still a princess in men's eyes, and she wanted to hurt me because the most handsome boy in the whole school loved me, not her. I knew from the moment we met that Fei'er would get the man she wanted, and she also knew that her vanity had never been attacked like this.

The aunt who lived next door complained to Bai Han that the two girls stayed in the house during the day, playing loud and horrible music, like they were on fire. During the day, they were fine, usually reading, drawing, and writing. But at night, they would dress up in a seductive way and go out. Sometimes I would hear the sound of the iron gate opening at two or three in the morning, and they always came back very late. I didn't know what the two girls did. The people who came to the door were neither male nor female, wearing strange clothes and smelling strange fragrances.

My brother, Bai Han, treated me just like our parents did when they were alive, spoiling me to the point of pampering. When my parents were affectionate, they could scold and reprimand me, and I was even a little afraid of them. But Bai Han only spoiled me, so I was always willful in front of him. And every time I brought Fei'er home, Bai Han would drool over her beauty, a look that disgusted me utterly.

That night, I suddenly woke up. In the darkness, I saw the moonlight reflecting in through the window, like colorful snakes, darting about. Gradually, my mind became clearer.

Fei'er wasn't on the bed opposite mine. A strong mosquito repellent incense stick was burning at the foot of the bed, its smoke rising gently. Outside the screen window by the bed, the lush leaves of the magnolia tree, their shadows jagged, opened and closed, swaying. The chirping of summer insects echoed in the courtyard, trembling, melodious, a short note followed by a long one.

I went downstairs barefoot and quietly. It was pitch black downstairs. A gust of wind blew in my face, and I shivered as if a chill had crept over me. I stood outside Bai Han's window, breathless. I found a low stool to stand on and lifted the curtain, but when I squinted through a narrow gap and peeked inside, my heart pounded faster than when I was running, making my chest ache. My feet felt rooted to the spot, unable to move.

On the floor lay Fei'er's thin pink nightgown and yellow silk bra, her transparent plastic shoes stacked neatly with Bai Han's brown casual shoes in front of the bed. Fei'er and Bai Han were both lying on the headboard. Fei'er was naked, her hair loose, a large tuft of black hair falling to her chest. She leaned back against the headboard, her arms wrapped tightly around Bai Han's neck. Bai Han was shirtless, revealing his pale, thin back. His long, thin arms were draped over Fei'er's shoulders, his head buried in her thick hair.

Fei'er looked terrifying. Her pretty face was flushed crimson, her cheekbones gleaming brightly. Sweat beaded on her forehead, soaking her hair, which clung to it in strands. Her eyes were half-open, shining brightly, and her mouth was slightly parted, murmuring incoherent words.

Suddenly, Bai Han seemed to go mad. His rather round buttocks swayed and bounced merrily as he lifted her buttocks, enticing her to lean forward, bending his supple waist to allow his penis to penetrate deeper into her vagina.

Fei'er's two slender arms clung tightly to his back, like a severely wounded rabbit paralyzed on the bed. Her thin legs were raised high, toes pointed straight, trembling, appearing extremely weak and powerless. Bai Han, like a skilled horse trainer taming a restless foal, tamed her.

He was trying to calm her, whispering words of encouragement to soothe her, while his penis continued to thrust in and out of her pleasurable vagina. Almost instinctively, I looked toward the point where their bodies were joined, wanting to know what my brother Bai Han's penis looked like.

Fei'er had instilled in me all this knowledge. She said that by looking at a man's long, slender hands and sharp nose, you could imagine the length and characteristics of his penis. I couldn't make out the shape of his penis because it was moving in and out of Fei'er's plump petals so rapidly. With each thrust, a unique sound came from deep within Fei'er's throat, and I suddenly understood the meaning of that unique gurgling sound and spasms.

Knowing this, I listened excitedly to their captivating moans, watching as Bai Han suddenly threw his head back, struggled violently, rolled over, and lay face down in the middle of the bed, groaning softly.

The dim, reddish moon outside the window slowly sank beneath the large leaves of the magnolia tree. The summer insects in the yard continued their delicate, trembling chirps, one short, one long.

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