A female civil servant's colorful sexual experiences

page views:1 Publication date:2023-03-23

I'm feeling really down, and I suddenly wanted to write down my experiences with men and the details of my relationships with them.

In early 2002, I broke up with my boyfriend of three years because he slept with another woman. From then on, I embarked on a path of despair… because after that, I completely stopped trusting men, and I developed psychological problems.

After graduating from university, I passed the civil service exam with excellent grades and was assigned to a high-ranking government department in my hometown. Many of my peers who joined the unit at the same time were assigned to rural areas for practical experience, as this was the standard procedure. I was luckier than others and was kept in the city-level unit. First, my grades were indeed outstanding, and during the interview, I made a great impression on the leaders who had the power to decide on assignments. So, I and several other equally excellent men were all kept there.

We all graduated from school together and started working together, so naturally, we vowed to work hard and strive for our jobs. Of course, as a young person just starting out in the workforce, I felt the same way at the time.

However, besides working hard, my heart couldn't recover from the emotional hurt for a long time. Maybe it's because I'm a Cancer girl.

Although I have psychological scars, I benefit from my looks and personality; I appear very pure and beautiful. If I don't intentionally try to impress anyone, no one around me would notice anything. On the contrary, wherever I go, I can win the favor of 90% of people; the remaining 10%, I wonder if it's out of jealousy. My psychological scars

come from men. I loved my boyfriend so much back then, yet he still couldn't resist the physical temptations of other women. Is there really no such thing as loyalty and responsibility for men?

In 2002, I was 21 years old, physically and mentally mature enough. Many of my older colleagues at work enthusiastically tried to introduce me to potential partners, but I always went reluctantly because I was too embarrassed to refuse their kindness. Of course, none of them were successful. Some of the boys introduced to me were indeed quite nice, and they would contact me after we met, but I always avoided them because my heart rejected them. I didn't want to be in a relationship; I was afraid. I felt like I had been hollowed out, and I couldn't offer anything more. Fortunately, I had decent looks, so no one doubted me; they just thought I was too picky. They continued to enthusiastically invite me to meet them.

At 21, without a boyfriend, I felt empty and wanted to find ways to alleviate my loneliness. So, I chose the wrong method: online chatting. Thus began my distorted personal life.

Before, I despised online chatting, thinking it was something only middle schoolers did. But I still fell into it.

At that time, I used an ambiguous name in a chat room and started chatting with a man. He was 37 years old, a deputy director in a government department in Kunming, Yunnan. I was very curious because I thought only teenagers would vent their excess energy online. I didn't expect to find a man of that age there. At first, I didn't believe it at all. Later, he called me by phone, and I became somewhat skeptical. Why did I say somewhat skeptical? Because his phone number was very good; I thought it was impossible for a young man with no social or economic foundation to have such a number. However, his voice sounded very young; you really couldn't tell he was 37. We chatted online and got along very well. I refused to reveal my personal information, but he told me everything, including many things about his life and work. Although we initially met through conversations about sex, we rarely talked about those things later on.

Things took a significant turn

because of my workplace. After chatting for about a week, my company suddenly sent me on a business trip to Yunnan. I couldn't believe my ears! I rushed home and told my online friend (let's call him L). L was very happy, and we hesitated about meeting in person. I'm very reluctant to meet people I've met online, mainly because of the perceived safety concerns. However, we decided to meet anyway. Before this, we hadn't exchanged photos, so we didn't know what each other looked like. Then, he described his appearance to me online, nothing more than being 1.88 meters tall, rather thin, and having well-defined facial features. I thought to myself, who knows if he's as handsome as he claims! When it was my turn to describe myself, I didn't go into detail. I just told him my flight number and arrival time at Kunming Airport, and asked him to call my phone from the lobby. He figured the woman answering the phone would be me, and if he was satisfied with my appearance, he'd come over and greet me. If I was a dinosaur, he could pretend he couldn't find me, and we could both act like nothing had happened. He agreed.

The next day at noon, I arrived at Kunming Airport. As soon as I turned on my phone, his call came in.

He said, "Where are you? I can't see you. Is that you with the short hair and chubby face?" I laughed and said,

"Please, I'm wearing a ponytail and talking on the phone with headphones on. Do you think I'm fat?" Suddenly, he said, "Oh my god..." and hung up. Immediately afterward, I saw a tall, slender figure waving at me from the crowd. He wasn't lying; he was genuinely attractive.

I said, "Are you L?" He laughed and said, "You're so beautiful, it's amazing!" Then, he naturally put his arm around my waist and led me out of the airport.

He drove, and I sat next to him, jokingly saying, "If I were the short-haired, chubby girl you mistook for someone else the first time, would you still meet me? Would you really turn around and leave?" He said, "I don't think so. After all, we had a great chat, and we're still friends!" Just then, his 9-year-old son called him, asking if he was coming home for dinner. He said he was going out to eat with his colleagues and wouldn't be coming home.

I quickly told him I couldn't have dinner with him; I had to report to a government agency first, and I would definitely be having dinner with colleagues from other departments, who had promised to treat me to a welcome dinner. He said, "It's okay, I'll just grab a quick bite outside. I'll come find you after they've arranged your hotel." I said, "Okay." However, no one expected dinner to end so late; they didn't take me back to the hotel until 10 pm. He waited for me for a full four hours. As soon as I entered the lobby, I saw him sitting on the sofa. Since I had many colleagues with me, we pretended not to know each other. After my colleagues left, he called and asked, "Should I come to your room, or should you come down to the lobby?" I immediately understood and said, "I'll come to the lobby; coming to the room would be too intimate." At the bar on the west side of the hotel lobby, we each ordered a glass of red wine. He told me he could stay out all night because his wife thought he had to work. I asked, "Where are you staying tonight?" He paused for a moment, looked at me seriously, and said, "I want you. Do you mind?" I can't deny the effect of alcohol; after all, this was the first time I'd had such intimate contact with a strange man. Of course, I also can't deny that we were attracted to each other's appearances. Looking back now, I was really bold. What if he was a bad guy?

I led him into the hotel room.

Before, I was an extremely conservative girl. When I was dating my boyfriend, I rarely even spoke to other boys, and although I had a good figure, I hated swimming because I didn't want other men to see me so exposed. However, my boyfriend eventually betrayed me, and from then on, I began to indulge myself.

L always seemed like a very gentlemanly person to me, so I always felt relaxed and not embarrassed in his presence.

After we entered the room, he went to take a shower, and I immediately put a condom under the pillow.

After he finished showering, he came out of the bathroom wearing only his underwear, dried his hair with a towel, and then went to bed to wait for me.

I went into the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror. The alcohol had flushed my cheeks, making me look unusually sexy. I asked myself, "What's wrong with me?!" I took off my pajamas and looked at my naked body. My full, well-proportioned breasts stood firm because of my youth; my fair, smooth skin and alluring curves—tonight I was going to give myself to a stranger!

The sound of running water made me imagine L's reaction outside, his physical response.

After showering, I didn't put on my pajamas but wrapped myself in a towel. He leaned against the bed, looking at me, then lifted a corner of the blanket, gesturing for me to come closer. I looked at this handsome and mature man in front of me, hesitated for a moment, and finally, snuggled into his arms… He didn't immediately launch his attack but looked at me gentlemanly and said, "Have you thought it through?" I nodded, my gaze becoming hazy.

He unwrapped the towel from my body and said, "You're so beautiful! I really didn't expect my online friend to be like this!" Then, he began to kiss me, first my neck, then moving downwards to my collarbone, breasts, navel, and then returning to kiss my ear. My ears are unusually sensitive, and I finally couldn't help but let out a soft "Mmm," and his lips met mine. Our tongues intertwined, and he began to caress my breasts.

I loved his body too; I could feel his erection, rising with excitement, gently pressing against my skin, teasing me. I took a condom from under the pillow, tore it open, pushed him away, and was about to put it on him. At that moment, his penis was clearly visible before me. To be honest, it was really big, so much so that I was startled. He asked, "Do you like it?" I didn't answer, put it on him, and then lay back down. Throughout the entire process, I was passive, passively waiting for his entry.

His penis pushed in, and to be honest, it hurt a little because it was definitely too big for my vagina. However, he said, "So tight," and then began to thrust very gently. Immediately, I felt an incredible fullness, my whole body heated up, and I relaxed a little, genuinely breathing and moaning along with his movements. I couldn't deny that this mature man was very skilled. I believe my body, stimulated by waves of pleasure, began to secrete fluids, making his movements smoother. The forces were mutual, and I felt increasingly comfortable, truly enjoying his member. His pace quickened; I think he might have wanted to reach orgasm with me, but I didn't. Finally, he couldn't hold back and ejaculated. He lay on top of me, reluctant to leave, holding me and asking, "Did you come?" I said, "No." He said, "I'm sorry, you were too tight, I just couldn't hold back." I smiled softly. It was

this moment that I began to psychologically enjoy the sense of accomplishment I felt after a man was conquered by my body. My dependence on this sense of accomplishment was like drug addiction, leading me to make the same mistake again and again.

I only stayed in Kunming for two nights, and on the second night, nothing happened because I changed hotels and turned off my phone. I don't know why I did it; perhaps subconsciously I knew I was sinning and wanted to bury my head in the sand.

When I got home, my phone's inbox was overflowing with text messages; L was there, expressing his longing and yearning. But I had changed my phone number and quit chatting. But I couldn't give up men.

Because of my outstanding speech and performance at the national system conference in Kunming, I received praise from leaders of brother units in various provinces. My unit's leaders were particularly pleased when they heard this, saying they didn't expect me to bring so much honor to the unit at such a young age. So, not long after, I was transferred to another highly coveted, popular, and powerful department. Besides the different nature of the work compared to my previous department, because of the nature of the work in this new department, my colleagues were generally younger than those in my previous department; they were all men in their 30s and 40s, and each one was exceptionally capable.

I wondered, if I hadn't been given such an environment, would so many mistakes have happened? On

my first day in the new position, the head of the new department proudly introduced me to everyone in each room, and everyone warmly welcomed me, except for S. S is 11 years older than me. I vaguely remember that he was looking down at a book when the department head introduced me. He only glanced up at me, and when I greeted him with a smile, "Brother S," he just gave a blank "Mmm" and went back to reading, showing no friendliness whatsoever. I felt very awkward at the time, and maybe subconsciously I wanted to "conquer" him then. However, I didn't think about it that way back then; it was only later, through work and getting to know him better, that I decided to do so.

Later, I learned that Brother S wasn't just like that with me. He's naturally aloof, and since our department's work relies heavily on him, it probably made him seem arrogant. But I secretly checked his zodiac sign (I really believe in astrology, and it's always been true). His sign is characterized by a cold exterior but a passionate heart, especially an inability to resist temptation.

Of course, I didn't intend to "seduce" him from the beginning; it's just that coincidences kept triggering my wicked impulses.

Once, the company had a dinner party the night before a holiday. All the male colleagues drank too much, especially Brother S, who was practically unconscious. But he still needed to drive home, and the boss was worried, so he asked me to drive him and his car safely home. I was probably the only one sober; they were very considerate of me, the younger colleague, and hadn't let me drink.

I got into S's car; he was already passed out in the back seat, muttering things like he'd take a taxi and didn't need me to take him. I ignored him and drove safely to his apartment building.

However, to my surprise, his wife, a pretty woman, was waiting downstairs. Seeing his car, she strode over, angrily opened the car door, paused for a moment when she saw me and S in the back seat, then angrily tried to pull S out of the back door. I quickly got out, smiling apologetically, and explained, "Sister-in-law, everyone in our department is drunk. The department head asked me to take Brother S home. Here are his car keys." S's wife snatched the keys, said nothing, and just angrily pulled S away, ignoring me completely. Feeling awkward, I said goodbye and took a taxi home.

Later, I heard from other colleagues that S's wife was very strict and didn't treat him well. She restricted his freedom and even chased him home by phone for casual social engagements.

I understand the wife's feelings, but at the time, my mind was twisted. I just hated how rude she was. I kindly took her husband home, and she didn't even say thank you. Of course, there's always a price to pay for not saying thank you. That price was what she cared about most—her husband's infidelity.

I've always liked Junichi Watanabe's works because he portrays the psychology of men having affairs realistically yet beautifully. I especially love his descriptions of snow scenes. Junichi Watanabe describes a snowy winter night. The female protagonist secretly meets the male protagonist at a hot spring. Late at night, she soaks alone in the warm outdoor hot spring water, tilting her head back. The sky is like a black hole, constantly spraying out cool snowflakes, which land quietly on her face and gently melt... The female protagonist closes her eyes, savoring this beautiful moment. The surrounding silence is so profound that you can almost hear the soft rustling of the falling snowflakes.

These words resonated deeply with me. Just as I was reading this passage, snowflakes began to fall outside my window. I turned off the lights, drew back the curtains, and looked at the night scene illuminated by the snow. The path under the dim yellow streetlights in the distance was so lonely, just like my own heart.

I don't rely solely on my good looks to develop office romances. On the contrary, in our circle, everyone is a top performer, someone with ideas and abilities. Selling one's looks only earns contempt. While my appearance is undeniably one of my assets, what's more important is my outstanding work ability and my charismatic personality, which have established my standing among my colleagues.

S is very capable at work, and as a newcomer, I naturally had to learn from him and ask for his advice on many things. With my talent and hard work, S quickly began to look at me with new respect. Once, after we made love and were lying in bed, he said to me, "Actually, it's not just about making love with you, you know? At first, I just thought you were a pretty face, like my wife—all looks and no substance. But I didn't expect you to be so smart and humble. Gradually, my opinion of you changed. When we discuss work, I find you very thoughtful, which makes me willing to communicate with you. I like talking to you, I like you constantly asking me questions. I used to prefer quiet and disliked people constantly asking questions, but since you came along, I even can't stand the office without you. I like having you around; you make me feel happy and relaxed. Even if we don't make love, just being here quietly..."

I knew that my presence not only brought a breath of fresh air to the workplace but also a touch of freshness to S's life. Although S still slept with me later, it can't be denied that he still had a sense of responsibility towards his family. It's just that his wife disliked sex, which was quite cruel for a man in his thirties.

Therefore, that night, he couldn't control himself.

It was alcohol again.

Similarly, at the company celebration party, all the male colleagues drank too much, and the boss asked me to take S home... However, this time was different from the last time. I made some small plans.

Because I knew in advance that he would drink too much and that I would have to take him home, that night, I deliberately changed into a low-cut top and wore a skirt, because skirts are more convenient. I also deliberately wore a bra that could be opened from the front.

After dinner, everyone put S in the car, and I ran to the bathroom, washed my hands carefully, and then applied a thick layer of hand cream, because this would make my hands softer and smoother, and the light fragrance was very comforting. A woman's hands are very important, especially since I was about to use them.

Actually, to be honest, I wasn't very confident that night. If S hadn't vomited, and if he hadn't had any impulsiveness after vomiting, nothing would have happened. Of course, I can't deny that the scent of my hand cream played a significant role.

I was driving S's car, deliberately going very fast, then slamming on the brakes and swerving from side to side. Luckily, it was quite late, and there weren't many pedestrians on the road. Then, things started to go as I expected.

S couldn't stand the swaying and finally started to vomit. I quickly pulled over and stopped the car. S rushed out of the car and vomited uncontrollably, almost throwing up his stomach. Seeing how uncomfortable he was, I started to feel sorry for him. Why did this man drink so much? Didn't he know he would feel terrible? Maybe he was used to suppressing his feelings and could only vent in this situation.

I took out a bottle of mineral water from the car and let him rinse his mouth. Then I stood silently beside him and apologized, saying it was all my fault and I shouldn't have driven so erratically. He didn't say anything and continued drinking water. I told him not to drink too much, as the water was cold and would upset his stomach. Then I reached out and took the mineral water bottle from his hand. He flinched, and I said, "Really, don't drink anymore." Then I stepped forward and grabbed his wrist holding the bottle, preventing him from flinching, while my other hand reached up to take the bottle away.

I believe my hand cream worked at that moment. I was the one holding his wrist, but he grabbed me instead, lifted me up with lightning speed, and threw me onto the back seat of the car. My head hit the car door; it hurt so much! I screamed and was about to raise my arm to rub my head when he bent down and got into the car at top speed, then pressed himself against me… The car door was wide open, and we were on the street. Now, thinking back, what would the police have thought of us if they had shown up?

He was venting, kissing me wildly, it was chaotic, so exciting. His hands went inside my clothes and started unhooking my bra. He thought the clasp was in the back and couldn't get it open for a while. I said, "Don't rush, listen!" He looked up, staring blankly at me. I put my hand inside my shirt and gently pressed down. With a crisp "click," my bra was undone, and my breasts popped out.

I believe he truly couldn't resist. I don't know how long it had been since he'd been tempted by a woman

's body. He started unbuckling his belt and zipping up his pants. The moment he did, my hand slipped inside, directly into his underwear. I first touched his thick pubic hair, then naturally grasped his throbbing penis. He probably hadn't expected my boldness, but the smooth, soft touch of a woman's hand brought him indescribable pleasure. The moment my hand touched him, his body trembled, and he looked up at me beneath him.

I began to stroke his penis with my hand, occasionally reaching down to gently massage his testicles. By then, fluid was seeping from his glans. I dabbed some in my palm and rubbed it around his penis to make my hand even smoother.

I thought he was about to enter; his hand slipped under my skirt.

Little did I know, I had prepared in advance—I was wearing pantyhose that day.

Unless it's in a very suitable and pleasant environment for sex, pantyhose are the hardest thing to take off during a rushed encounter. Why did I do this? Because, although I really wanted to conquer S, I wasn't used to a man entering my body without a condom. While intimacy was what I desired, S and I were colleagues. What would he think if I took out a condom at that moment? Would he realize this was premeditated? So, at the last minute, I chose pantyhose.

I could see he was disappointed for a second, but in that situation, disappointment couldn't stop his desire. He couldn't penetrate me, but he still rubbed and caressed me… He stroked my long legs, and I took his penis out, occasionally letting his glans rub against my pantyhose, besides masturbating with my hand. Pantyhose are truly amazing. Although they're as thin as a cicada's wing, they have just the right amount of friction, which I believe stimulated S.

Before two minutes had passed, he suddenly said, "Oh no, I can't take it anymore!" Then, while looking at me, my hand felt a hot liquid spurt out. He ejaculated several times. He braced himself with his hands, and I was pinned beneath him. I watched him, savoring the expression on his face as he ejaculated. Another intense sense of accomplishment welled up inside me! I suddenly remembered how indifferent he was to me when I first met him, and now, he was on top of me, and I was controlling his pleasure. I thoroughly enjoyed this feeling!

The whole process lasted only about five minutes.

After the climax, he became much more sober and hurriedly got up. I also sat up and began wiping the sticky semen from my hands, legs, and the car seat with tissues.

He sat blankly beside me, closed the car door, and remained motionless, looking completely dejected.

I carefully wiped the semen off his pants. Then I helped him zip up his pants and fasten his belt. He hugged me tightly and said, "I'm sorry!" I didn't say anything. What could I say then? A man, who knows how long he had been suppressing his emotions.

That night, we did nothing else. After he took me home, he drove home himself. I believe he was definitely sober. Lying in my bed, I thought about what happened in the car, about S's face when he got home and faced his wife, about how he must feel lying next to her. But in the end, I thought of myself. Years ago, the man I loved also slept with another woman before coming back to me. What were he feeling then?

But S's wife and I are different. Besides my own excellence, my sexual relationship with my boyfriend is very harmonious. To this day, I can't accept the fact that he slept with someone else behind my back.

The next morning, I went to work as usual. Being a young colleague, I naturally had to arrive early, and I conscientiously cleaned the office first. Twenty minutes later, my colleagues started arriving, and the hallway became lively. I listened intently for any sound related to S's arrival.

S arrived.

He coughed lightly; I knew he did it on purpose, trying to signal his arrival.

I chuckled inwardly. Why bother? We're still the same people we always were. We're all adults now. Did he think I was some childish, clingy little girl?

He walked in, glanced at me, and then immediately looked away. I greeted him naturally, as usual, saying, "S-ge, you're here!" Then I continued busily wiping the tables for everyone, chatting with my colleagues about yesterday's dinner, as if nothing had happened.

Someone asked me, "Hey A, you took S home yesterday, was his beautiful wife waiting downstairs again? Haha!" I said, "No way! It was so late yesterday, his wife couldn't be bothered waiting for him. I just dropped him off safely at the door and left!" Although S pretended to be reading the newspaper, I was sure he was quite nervous inside. But my tone was so natural that no one could detect a flaw.

Then I yelled in the office, "Look everyone, S is really going too far! Every time he drinks too much, I'm the one who takes him home, and then I have to pay for a taxi, and he doesn't even offer a thank you!" Then I snatched the newspaper from his hand and said, "Hey, I'm talking to you! Didn't you hear me! Treat him to a meal to show your gratitude!" Everyone laughed and chimed in, "That's right! That's right! Little A is a young girl, and she always has to be driven home. What if she runs into bad guys on her way home? She's practically risking her life, isn't she! Hurry up and say something!" S's face turned slightly red. He looked at me and hesitated before saying, "Okay, what do you want to eat?" I jumped up and said, "Great! I love boiled fish! How about we go to the lobby of Tianwailou after get off work this afternoon?" Everyone was happy, but they were all terrified of spicy food, and two of them had to work the night shift and couldn't go. Actually, this was exactly what I wanted. First of all, after what happened last night, we all desperately needed to talk, but where would we find the opportunity? If we secretly went on a date after work, it would be fine if no one saw us, but if someone did, wouldn't everyone suspect something? I do like spicy food, but I also know that others don't, so I suggested boiled fish. This way, I could filter out others, and no one would suspect anything.

My workday was still enjoyable, and my time with everyone felt natural. I knew he must be wondering how I could be so discreet, so open about our past relationship. He must be eagerly awaiting dinner.

Finally, it was time to leave work. I happily said goodbye to everyone, saying, "Comrades, I'm going to have boiled fish! Wish me luck! Don't worry, I'll definitely choose the most expensive and the best tonight, and I won't let S's wallet down!" Amidst everyone's laughter, I followed S downstairs like a little bird.

After ordering, I ate heartily without saying a word, waiting for him to speak to me. He looked at me and asked, "Are you upset with me?" I looked up and said, "Yes! Of course I'm upset! Why were you so short-lived?!

" He almost spat out his tea! Actually, I was quite flustered at the time, because he seemed rather awkward, and I didn't know how to ease the tension, so I resorted to this tactic. Sure enough, the atmosphere immediately relaxed, and he laughed, saying, "You little devil!" I immediately looked at him blankly and said, "What devil? I'm not, I'm just a female fox spirit. You can be a male fox spirit too." Then, I continued to eat my fish slices.

The meal was quickly finished; eating wasn't the main point, it was just an excuse.

He drove very slowly; I knew he didn't want to take me home so quickly, but he didn't know how to express it.

I reclined my chair, lying flat, and said, "Brother S, are you really willing to take me home?" He said, "Of course not!" I asked, "What's the latest you can get home?" He said, "I told her I have to work tonight."

I said, "Seriously! You were prepared all along?"

He said, "It's not what you think! I didn't know you'd still talk to me, or even have dinner with me. I just wanted to be alone in my dorm tonight." I said, "Then come to my place." Although this city is my hometown, my parents are often away doing business abroad. Of course, I've been living in a dormitory since high school until I graduated from university, so I'm used to my parents not being around.

Once inside, I turned on the TV first; the sound of the TV helped ease the awkwardness.

I said, "Sit down, don't be shy, I'll get you some water."

He sat on the sofa, saw a photo album next to him, and casually flipped through it.

I brought him the water and sat down beside him.

He said, "Where did you find these pictures?"

I said, "Please! What do you mean 'found'! I took them all!"

He said, "What? You took them? No way! You can take pictures?" I said, "Please! That's called photography, okay!" He said, "I thought you found these pictures online!" I dragged him from the sofa into the study, opened the cabinet, and half a cabinet full of photography equipment was suddenly displayed in front of him. He looked at me incredulously and said, "This is amazing! You're into photography?" I said, "Sigh! Let's not talk about it, it's all about throwing money away! Do you know how many photos I selected from all those I see? Every time I come back from a trip, I take hundreds of pictures, but I can only pick out a dozen or twenty at most. The rest are all destroyed, they're all bad." He stared at me intently, and after hearing my words, he gently pulled me into his arms and said, "How did I meet you..." I said, "I've never been to Tibet. After the Qinghai-Tibet Railway is completed, can you take me there? I like traveling by train; it gives me a feeling of being on a journey." I looked up, gesturing for him to kiss me. His tongue entered my mouth, and my body began to react. I felt him pressing against my lower abdomen.

We embraced and moved towards the bedroom. The kiss grew more intense.

On the large bed, a man and a woman's bodies rolled around, their clothes gradually being removed, the room filled with the sounds of panting. Everything else seemed less important than desire. I think we were probably thinking the same thing at that moment—I want to possess you!

We hadn't turned on the light when we entered the bedroom, but after we were both completely naked, I suddenly stood up, got off the bed, and turned the light on to its brightest setting. He shielded his eyes with his hand and asked why I had turned on the light.

I stood on the floor, facing him, completely naked, and said, "Because I want you to remember me clearly." Our bodies intertwined, caressing, kissing, and feeling each other. Here, there was a much more comfortable space and environment than in the back seat of a car; even time belonged only to the two of us.

So, I wasn't in a hurry to feel his ejaculation, always teasing him at just the right moment, and then rejecting his penetration.

My hands caressed his back, sliding down to the inside of his thighs, slowly moving upwards, gently cupping his testicles with my palm, and then stimulating the smooth area behind his testicles with the pad of my middle finger. He also took his hands off my breasts, took my nipples into his mouth, teasing them with his tongue, and then began to rub the soft pubic hair on my lower abdomen. My desire grew stronger, and he sensed my torment, as if teasing me. He tentatively slipped his finger into my vagina, and immediately, the fluid I secreted due to excitement was drawn out. His finger, moistened with this fluid, slid to my clitoris and began stimulating my most sensitive spot.

I stroked his penis, and he played with my clitoris. I felt like I forgot everything; all my attention was focused on the pleasure his hand was giving me. I took a condom from the bedside table drawer, tore open the packaging, and then rolled over, pinning him beneath me. I straddled his lap, put the condom on his erect penis, and sat on top of him.

I supported myself on top of him with my hands, my waist and hips moving slowly and flexibly. I said, "Look into my eyes, I'll let you feel the pleasure I bring you!" He looked at me, waiting.

Suddenly, I clenched my vagina, and he cried out, looking at me with surprise.

I started moving faster and faster, maintaining the tightness of my vagina, and said, "From now on, forget who I am. I only want you to enjoy pure physical pleasure." He didn't speak, and closed his eyes.

I moaned, feeling his penis thrusting into my body. I changed angles and speeds so that I could bring pleasure to both him and myself.

Finally, I reached orgasm, my vagina began to contract strongly, and he reached out and held my waist, moving my body up and down a few more times, releasing his semen inside me.

I collapsed on top of him, and he collapsed beneath me.

A minute later, I got up and said, "Let's take a shower." He hugged me tightly and said, "Ah, I love you." I paused for a moment, smiled softly, and said, "Love? Don't talk to me about love. No man has the right to say 'love.' Okay, get up, let's take a shower together." In the bathroom, he was still holding me. He said, "I can't leave you, really, why are you refusing?

"

I laughed and said, "What refusing? Don't overthink it. Didn't I let you into my body?" He said, "Don't be silly, you know what I mean, not the body, but the heart! Don't you understand?

"

I said, "That's exactly why I understand. Okay, you don't need to say anymore. Come on, let me help you with the shower gel!

"

I lathered his body with shower gel, using the slippery foam to caress every inch of his skin. He kept pushing my hands away and then hugging me.

I ignored him, and no matter how much he pushed, I insisted on helping him with the shower.

Seeing his serious, even slightly annoyed look, I giggled. My hand slid down to his lower abdomen. I thought, "Let's see if you're still angry!" Immediately, his body reacted. The foam made his penis incredibly slippery, requiring a tight grip. Protected by the foam, direct friction against the sensitive skin of the glans didn't hurt; it only brought a unique kind of pleasure.

He said, "You vixen!"

I gave him a mischievous look and said, "Want to feel my tongue?" He picked up the showerhead and started washing our bodies, then dried us and carried me to bed.

He held me tightly, ignoring my attempts to struggle and provoke him. Even though his body remained erect, he wouldn't make love to me anymore.

I knew I'd messed up.

Gradually, I tired of struggling and suddenly asked him, "You said you're on duty tonight, will your partner call your workplace?" He seemed to flinch, but immediately hugged me even tighter, saying, "A, I don't want to leave you." I don't know when we fell asleep, until my alarm clock woke us up. Daytime arrived, and

I could still face the reality of the day with a different face. Could S do that?

He couldn't.

I clearly realized that his feelings for me went beyond mere sexual attraction. I began to run away, or rather, avoid him.

My workplace started scheduling annual leave.

I packed my backpack, grabbed my camera, and left. The speed was unbelievable. Actually, I mean unbelievable. The leave was announced in the morning, I packed my bag by noon, and flew to Fujian that afternoon.

I don't know why fate always gives me so many opportunities, or if I've been disrespecting these opportunities, using them as an excuse to indulge myself.

My trip to Fujian was originally intended to let time cool down our escalating, distorted feelings. However, the smallness of China led me to meet an "uncle" on my journey. I call him "uncle" simply because he's a business friend of my father's. When I was twelve or thirteen, he was twenty-four or twenty-five, and I've called him "uncle" ever since; it's become a habit. In reality, he's only 35. He happened to be in Xiamen to discuss a business deal with Taiwanese businessmen. As I listened to the wandering musician playing the flute under a small bridge arch on Gulangyu Island, the uncle happened to be passing by with a Taiwanese businessman in an electric cart; they were there for sightseeing.

Perhaps I was destined to have physical entanglements with these mature men?

I don't know if my trip to Fujian was burdened with guilt, because I didn't want to get involved emotionally with S.

But my purpose couldn't be limited to just sex. What good is sex? One person can accomplish that. Why should I run away when it involves emotions? Perhaps it's because I know it's immoral. I know it's immoral, yet I still have to go against it—such a contradiction! I need to leave!

This trip started in Wuyishan. The Nine-Bend Stream was beautiful, but for me, it was related to my mood; my eyes couldn't see color, as gray as my heart.

Finally, I arrived in Xiamen, and Gulangyu Island brought a touch of peace to my heart. But who could have imagined that such a story could unfold so far away?

My dad's friend, the "uncle" I mentioned above, spotted me squatting forlornly next to a street performer listening to his flute. He quickly stopped the car, walked over to me, and exclaimed in surprise, "Little A? What are you doing here?! I thought I was seeing things!" I was equally surprised and stood up, saying, "Uncle? What are you doing here too?" He pointed to the people in the car next to us and said, "I'm here with my Taiwanese friends! And you? What's going on? Are you on a tour?" I said, "Yes, I'm on vacation, traveling, but not with a tour group." He said, "You're quite bold, aren't you afraid of running into bad people! It's better that you're not on a tour. Come on, get on the car, we'll talk about it when we get back!" I said, "Okay." Then I followed him onto the electric cart.

The scenery on Gulangyu Island was beautiful, but those Taiwanese guys traveling with me were really lecherous, constantly glancing at me, completely ignoring my calls of "Uncle, Uncle." Luckily, it was already afternoon, and soon we took the ferry back to Xiamen city.

I reluctantly had dinner with my uncle and those annoying Taiwanese guys. My uncle arranged for those lecherous guys to go to a sauna; I guess there must have been some "services," otherwise they wouldn't have been so enthusiastic. Then, he accompanied me back to my hotel to check out, and then arranged for me to stay at the same hotel as him because he said he wasn't comfortable with that.

I declined for a long time, but finally couldn't resist him and checked out. The hotel I booked was a three-star, but my uncle paid the bill for me. Then we went to his hotel, a four-star, and booked a room next to his.

When we got to my room, he told me to wash up first, and then he would take me shopping.

As a result, I spent a long time getting ready, and by the time I came out of the bathroom, it was already nine o'clock. My uncle rang the doorbell, and I let him in. He said, "Why did you just finish showering? Hurry up and get dressed. Let's go, I'll buy you some cosmetics." I am indeed a cosmetics fanatic. I knew that when this uncle went to France, I often made a list and asked him to bring me Chanel. Of course, although I am a cosmetics fanatic, I am definitely not the kind of person who wears heavy makeup. So, this uncle knew I liked cosmetics, and he felt it was a rare opportunity to meet me in Xiamen, so he wanted to give me some gifts.

I glanced at my watch and said, "Uncle, let's not, it's too late!"

"It's okay, they shouldn't be closed yet! Let's go take a look!" "No, Uncle, I don't need any cosmetics now, I won't buy any. Besides, if my dad finds out I'm bothering you again, he'll scold me!" "Don't worry, I called your dad a while ago! Oh, by the way, did he call you?" "Let me see. Oh, he did, but I was taking a shower and didn't hear it. Oh well, I'll call him back tomorrow. Given the time difference, he's probably busy there!" "Okay. Then let's go shopping for clothes. Aren't you working now? I'll go buy you a couple of nice outfits. Don't always wear jeans!" "Uncle, what's wrong with jeans? Don't you think nobody's more handsome than me? Haha! I don't wear jeans to work! Don't worry!" "Okay, okay! Little A has grown up! She's not that little blonde anymore! Oh, by the way, where's your boyfriend? Why didn't he come with you?" I suddenly fell silent.

My uncle understood and comforted me, saying, "Oh, you broke up? It's okay, there are better ones out there!" I don't know what came over me. Maybe it was because something I'd never wanted to talk about was brought up, or maybe it was because the person in front of me was the only one I could rely on at that moment, or maybe I was just too tired from the day? Or maybe it was just because I was traveling? Anyway, I suddenly lost control of my emotions, and tears started streaming down my face.

My uncle quickly came over to comfort me, saying, "Oh, look, our handsome little guy is crying! Don't cry, don't cry, it's okay. Uncle knows a lot of outstanding guys in business, I'll introduce them to you when I get back! They're definitely more handsome than you!" I looked up at this uncle I'd known since I was a teenager, and suddenly, without pausing, I said,

"Uncle, my boyfriend slept with another woman, and then I slept with another man. That other man has a wife and children, and then I came to Xiamen."... At that moment, the word "surprised" was hardly enough to describe my uncle's expression!

Three seconds passed, and the uncle closed his mouth, then slowly uttered a sentence: "Little A, you've really grown up." I said, "Thank you for not directly saying I've become bad, Uncle." Suddenly, he became somewhat cold and said, "Well then, it's getting late, you should go to bed early and sleep in tomorrow. I'll see those Taiwanese people off in the morning and then come back to take you out for lunch. I doubt those Taiwanese people will get up too early tomorrow!" I said, "Uncle, I hate them. Haven't you noticed how lecherous they are?" The uncle glanced at me and then said, "I noticed..." "Okay. But, Little A, haven't you noticed how pretty you are?" "Well... anyway, I hate them!" "Alright, they're leaving tomorrow. Then, Uncle will keep you company until your vacation ends." "Okay, Uncle, I'll wait for you to call me tomorrow." "Okay, I'm leaving now." I followed and closed the door. That should have been the end of it, but I blurted out something I shouldn't have: "Uncle, how are you going to spend tonight?" I really just wanted to politely inquire about Uncle's well-being, but instead, I blurted out such an ambiguous question! I wanted to slap myself as soon as I said it! My face flushed instantly.

Uncle looked at my bare shoulder blades exposed outside my nightgown, then looked into my eyes and said, "How do you want me to spend my time?" I quickly closed the door and said, "Oh... goodnight, Uncle..." Sitting on the bed, my heart was pounding. To stop myself from thinking about it, I quickly turned on the TV and leaned against the bed, aimlessly flipping through channels.

Who knew this damn TV had some kind of movie channel, probably available in four- or five-star hotels, but I remember it being pay-TV. How come this one was so easy to access? Such suggestive scenes! Of course, now I say that TV was terrible, but at the time I didn't think so; I was just watching it with amusement, actually happy that it helped me forget my troubles.

As I watched, my blood started to rush, and certain feelings were stirred.

I sat alone on the bed, watching the passionate scenes of lovemaking on TV, and before I knew it, it was past 11 pm. I started to lose control. Thinking that I was alone anyway, I took off my underwear… Suddenly, the doorbell rang. I figured someone ringing the doorbell so late must be a prostitute or something, but they usually call first. So, I got up, tiptoed to the door, and looked through the peephole. It was my uncle? What did he want so late? Coming in his pajamas, could it be something urgent? Was the room phone broken?

Without thinking, I opened the door and was about to ask when my uncle burst in, scooped me up, and slammed the door shut with his foot. Before I could even struggle to get off him, he had thrown me onto the bed.

I was furious and yelled, "What are you doing!"

He was about to say something when he suddenly looked at my lower body, then glanced back at the TV.

I wanted to bang my head against the wall! Apparently, while watching TV, I had taken off my underwear, and when the doorbell rang, I ran to check without even putting it back on. Now, with him throwing me onto the bed like that, my skirt was lifted up… I hurriedly pulled the blanket over myself and pleaded, "Uncle, please… don't…" He then untied the belt of his pajamas, revealing his naked body underneath. He wasn't wearing anything underneath either. He took three condoms, packaged together, from his pajama pocket, tossed one aside, tore open another, put it on, yanked off my blanket and threw it on the floor, then pounced on me, spreading my legs and thrusting inside me… I closed my eyes, not flinching.

I knew what he thought of me.

He moved, but didn't go faster; in fact, I waited a long time, but he didn't ejaculate. While thrusting, he looked up at me and said, "Don't call me uncle anymore, Little A, do you hate me?" I turned my head away.

He continued moving, saying, "Baby, I love you. When I got home, all I could think about was you in bed with someone else. I watched TV and couldn't control myself, so I went to the bathroom and masturbated, but it still didn't work. Luckily, I saw a box of condoms on the sink, so I came over." I turned back and asked, "Uncle, where's your lover?" He said, "Little A, don't call me uncle! I divorced her last March." A sudden sense of relief washed over me. After hesitating for a moment, I suddenly hugged his trembling body and said, "Okay, I'll play with you!" Perhaps we were both aroused by the television program at the time; anyway, that night truly exhausted us. Each hotel room had a box of condoms, three in each box. They were a Japanese brand. On a side note, I still think Japanese condoms are thinner. I used to always use Durex, but after using Japanese ones, I found that those specifically designed for Asians are more effective.

We used all three in his room and the three in mine that night.

We tried every position we could find, even worrying that the neighbors might call the police, because sometimes our loud noises were quite loud.

I don't know why he was so sexually aroused with me; after one round, he could rest for a while and still get aroused. Maybe it was our special relationship, a bit of incestuous thrill? The next two times, even though we tried different positions, he still had to be in the "rear-entry" position to ejaculate.

Actually, I also like the rear-entry position. Besides the undeniable physiological pleasure it provides for both partners, it's also psychologically stimulating, at least for me.

First, the woman needs to arch her back as much as possible, sticking her buttocks out and facing the man. This requires confidence in the appearance of her genitals to be able to do this freely.

Second, without seeing each other's faces, there's no eye contact, just pure body to body, followed by caresses. The most exhilarating part is when the man is close to ejaculation, he instinctively supports the woman's waist, thrusting his body back and forth to penetrate deeper. This thrusting brings a wonderful, deep-seated pleasure.

Third, the woman only uses her genitals to face the man, waiting for him to enter, adjusting the pressure and speed according to his wishes—this in itself is very stimulating.

Of course, the rear-entry position is also a basic animal mating action, the most basic and primal, and therefore the easiest to bring pleasure.

We don't communicate verbally, only through the sounds from our throats and our bodies during sex.

My mind kept replaying images of me and my ex-boyfriend in bed. We were like that back then. I didn't understand why I couldn't satisfy him, yet he still went to find other women!

My uncle and I finally collapsed on the bed. He had to see off Taiwanese businessmen tomorrow, and I imagined them all with dark circles under their eyes. I don't know when I fell into a deep sleep... In a daze, I think the phone rang, and then my uncle seemed to get up. Then, a fresh scent of aftershave wafted over, then a man kissed my cheek, and then the curtains were suddenly pulled open. My uncle yelled, "Baby, get up! It's almost 12 o'clock!" I pulled the blanket over my head.

He came over and sat on the edge of the bed, pulled the blanket off my head, and said, "Little A, baby! Be good, I'll take you to get some nourishment!" I said, "Ugh! Get out!" He quieted down, and I felt him stand up, walk to the table, light a cigarette, and then sit back on my bed and start taking puffs.

He didn't say anything until he stubbed out the cigarette in the ashtray.

He said, "Little A, I know I'm sorry." "

..."

"Little A?"

"..."

"Baby, let me explain. Baby, you were smart and cute when you were little, everyone liked you, and of course, I was no exception. Although it wasn't in that sense back then, the impression you left on me was very beautiful. This time, when I suddenly saw you—actually, I saw you on Gulangyu Island because you were squatting there, so pretty—I was just looking at a pretty girl, but the more I looked, the more familiar you seemed, and it was you! Don't blame those Taiwanese guys for their lewdness; I'm a man too, and to be honest, I was really surprised by how much you've changed in the last two years. But I forced myself not to overthink it, after all, I'm your father's friend. However, you clearly have a more melancholic air about you than when you were little. Whatever the reason, that represents your maturity. Then, you told me those things, and I suddenly realized that the Little A in front of me was no longer the Little A who copied down cosmetics lists for me to buy Chanel, but a beautiful and mature woman. Little A, you know, yesterday..." Those things happened on TV. I was a little affected too, and I really couldn't control myself. Of course, if I had controlled myself and hadn't come to you yesterday, I would have taken care of it myself, or even called a prostitute. But I really wanted you so much!

Little A, are you listening? I know we can't be together, but I hope you believe that besides physical urges, I also have emotional affection for you. I really like you, really, it's just that I expressed it differently, I was wrong..." I suddenly sat up, hugged the man, and kissed him... As we kissed, he started to have another idea, so I pushed him away and said, "No, we're out of condoms!" He immediately realized, then laughed and said, "Great, I was actually already drained, I was just looking for an excuse to avoid it!" I said mischievously, "But I can use my mouth~" He said, "You little fox!"

Later, I got up, took a shower, and when I came out, he helped me put on my clothes one by one, because I pretended to be too tired to move, and deliberately let him help me dress.

In front of him, I really acted like a spoiled little baby, and he was happy to let me act like that with him.

We found a specialty restaurant and had a big meal.

"Coffee and fried dough sticks," haha, tomorrow is Valentine's Day. We talked about this in the office today, and everyone was eager to speak. At that moment, S glanced at me.

"fasvas," I like your profile picture.

"What can I take away?" After reading your message this time, first of all, I want to say that I'm also a little curious about you, I mean your age. I really don't understand why you're always so confident that you'll make others dislike you. Please stop being so humble or confident, really. Also, I don't know if it's because my social circle is too narrow, or your eyes are too "clear." Are you one of those legendary "aristocrats"? I didn't think you had any other intentions. Don't always think you know everything. Of course, if your age is as I imagine, then it's not surprising. Also, "I'm also very interested in you!" "ycc_v66," leave her, don't hesitate, because there's no reason for you to hesitate.

"asmpa," at first, my mentality was that it was even more inappropriate for someone of this status to do such a thing, so I deliberately emphasized it. Just like some article titles, such as "A Man and a Lady," the theme is definitely not as prominent as "A Policeman and a Lady," if the protagonists of the two articles are the same.

"Abarai.Renji," thank you. If you can go back to the thread, you'll find that I won't write anymore.

Okay, seeing "8 Yuan" talking about my ex-boyfriend, let's use that as the beginning of this post's closing remarks.

That night, the reason I was in a bad mood and came here to write this post was because I met my ex-boyfriend again. He's married now, but for several years, he's kept in touch with me, always saying things like he still loves me. But I've never met him. However, on the day I wrote this post, he contacted me again. I met him, and he asked to have sex. I refused and turned around and left. Back home, my feelings were very complicated, so I started this thread to commemorate it, and now I regret it.

Regarding regret: First, it's my own fault. I had a fever a couple of days ago, which prevented me from writing the article in one go. Today, when I wrote it again, I suddenly felt that I didn't need to reopen old wounds. Secondly, the sharp replies from some friends and the sincere concern from others brought me back to my senses. Since I relied on the internet, I also relied on you all online. Thank you again.

Regarding the explanation: Please forgive me for describing sex in detail. Perhaps what I wanted to express when I started this thread was my confusion about sex and relationships. Lacking one, I frantically tried to compensate with the other, and since that was the theme, I naturally wanted to keep the length consistent. However, having written this far, I feel it's unnecessary and purely for sensationalism.

Regarding the development of events: If any friends are still concerned, I'll briefly recount it.

My uncle bought me a lot of clothes and cosmetics, which helped my father earn a sum of money. My father transferred some money to me, and I bought a gray Audi A4. If you ever see a gray A4 with a girl who looks like A, please don't point it out, or I'll feel embarrassed.

From the airport to home, I saw S waiting at the door. After I opened the door, she pulled me inside and, without saying a word… (I won't describe it further). She was angry and venting her anger. Later, we had a long talk, which led to her returning to her family. And to this day, my relationship with him remains completely innocent.

Six months after leaving that dissolute life, I made another mistake—with the son of a city leader, a colleague, only a few years older than me, yet already a reserve cadre in his unit. Young and handsome, but it was just a fling; he could never be as serious as S.

Later, after leaving this young man, I saw my ex-boyfriend again…

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A female civil servant's colorful sexual experiences

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