Recalling Youth at Forty

page views:1 Publication date:2023-03-23

Now approaching forty, whenever the autumn winds blow and yellow leaves fall, I naturally feel a certain special atmosphere of that era. So I prepare a cup of fragrant coffee for myself in the dimly lit living room, comfortably recline on the sofa, light a cigarette, and relax in the rising wisps of smoke, indulging in reminiscence. Actually, the saying "little fantasies, old memories" is absolutely true, even though I may not yet be considered old. And so, in the tranquil silence, as the slight bitterness and aroma of the coffee gradually unfold on my tongue and taste buds, the many women who have left my life will one by one enter my memory…
Xiao'e, with her short, bob haircut, round, doll-like face, bright eyes, small and mischievous, and slightly upturned lips, keeps appearing in my mind. She was just 14 years old that year. And if my memory serves me right, that year must have been 1984.
My hometown is a small town in northern China. Like many towns and villages in China, most people lived in single-story houses back then. Although the distance between houses was so narrow, the Chinese tradition still dictated building small courtyards to create one's own space. Thus, the streets where I lived became interconnected, forming a unique area where houses were linked together, walls were linked, and courtyards were linked. Xiao'e's house was right next to mine.
What connected us was a 12-inch black and white television set that my family had just bought, imported from Japan.
In those days, black and white televisions were a rarity. Every evening, adults and children from the neighborhood would come to my house, watching television either on the kang (heated brick bed) or on the floor, until the host said, "That's all for today's program. Goodnight, viewers."
My world was a small inner room. If the door was opened to a certain angle, I could see the television on the desk in the main room, but this was my world, and I didn't allow other "viewers" to enter. Perhaps it was due to puberty, but I particularly enjoyed being around girls. Whenever I smelled the cheap face cream or similar cosmetics they wore, I felt a strange urge. At that time, slightly older girls were already using lipstick. Thus, the television viewers in our house clearly became two separate worlds. The main room was occupied by older adults or women, while the younger girls would gather in my small room.
Xiao'e was one of them. Perhaps the older girls were somewhat shy, as they wouldn't sit too close to me while watching TV (I usually watched while lying on the kang (heated brick bed) with my chin propped up on a pillow). Most of the time, Xiao'e would sit next to me, acting as a kind of barrier, before they would sit down one by one. Xiao'e, sitting right next to me, also smelled of the other girls, but unlike them, she often used Seagull shampoo, making her hair's fragrance even more captivating.
I don't know when it happened, but I had secretly grabbed her soft little hand under the corner of the blanket. She didn't resist at all and playfully pinched my hand lightly with her sharp nails from time to time. Back then, the TV was showing "Shanghai Bund" and Japanese dramas like "Attack No. 1" and "Blood Ties." It had become a routine for Xiao'e to sit next to me while we watched TV. The restlessness of adolescence gradually made me unable to simply play with Xiao'e's hands. To make things easier, I adjusted my position while watching TV, moving from a spot closer to the main room to a more distant one, so that the other girls would be within my sight.
It was autumn like this, and Xiao'e sat next to me again as usual. We habitually held hands once more. Slowly, my hands began to wander. First, I tentatively stroked her back through her shirt, and she didn't resist. This gave me immense courage; like a greedy robber, I wanted to explore and obtain more. I slowly pulled her shirt out from under her belt, so I could directly touch her skin. At this point, my blood was boiling, and my virginity was already making me feel uncomfortable lying down.
I gently stroked her back with my palm, then glanced at the other girls to see if they'd noticed. They were all engrossed in the TV drama and hadn't noticed my lewd actions at all. Xiao'e, perhaps sensing the commotion, was slightly swaying with my touch, her small hands still gently pinching my arm. My hand moved upwards, finding no trace of a bra.
My heart leaped with joy. My hand then slid down her armpits to her chest. She instinctively tightened her arms, but quickly loosened them, which greatly encouraged me. My hand had finally touched the place I'd been dreaming of.
It was the breast of a young girl just beginning to develop, large enough to fill my hand. To my surprise, the left nipple was larger than the right. I later learned this was due to underdeveloped breasts. One nipple was deeply inverted, leaving a dent in the breast, while the other nipple was small and slightly upturned. I preferred this one. I slowly, alternating between left and right, rubbing her nipples, occasionally teasing them with my fingertips. At the time, I didn't know this could arouse a girl's desire; I just thought it was fun. Xiao'e was already blushing, her body twitching incessantly, though I could tell she was trying to control herself.
I really wanted to explore her genitals, so I ran my hand across her smooth abdomen and slipped it under her belt. I don't know what Xiao'e was thinking then, and I never asked her about it later. Now I think it was probably just that even teenage girls can't control themselves! I thought she would politely refuse or show some resistance, but that day she really didn't do anything; instead, she cooperated perfectly. She raised her buttocks, dangled her legs over the edge of the bed, and leaned against the wall. To others, this was a perfectly normal posture, just someone adjusting their position after sitting for a long time.
But it opened the door for me, and my hand easily invaded her private parts. I was shocked. It was completely soaked, sticky and slippery, even the mound of Venus was glistening with moisture. There wasn't a trace of pubic hair. My index finger slipped into her vulva, barely able to stay, it was incredibly slippery. I started to tease, but I felt a clitoris protruding above her vulva. Every time my finger touched it, she would squeeze her legs tightly together. I teased that spot even more intensely with my fingertips, but her legs were so tightly closed that they pushed my other fingers out of her lower body, leaving me only able to tease that clitoris near her mons pubis. After what seemed like an eternity, she suddenly pulled my hand away, tidied her slightly disheveled hair, and got up and left. I was stunned. This was something I hadn't expected, and I spent the whole night wondering why she left. In
the days that followed, she would come to watch TV, but she no longer sat next to me. Another girl's younger brother took her place. I was very distressed during that time.
Finally, one day, my father went on a business trip. As the TV program was about to end and Xiao'e was about to go home, my mother said, "Xiao'e, you sleep with your aunt tonight. I'll tell your mother later." I listened intently, and sure enough, my mother called from the other side of the wall, "Qinghai's family, let Xiao'e sleep with me tonight. My family is away on a business trip!" A voice came from the other side of the wall: "Okay, tell Xiao'e to get up early tomorrow and come home for dinner!" My heart pounded. I sensed my chance had come tonight, and I almost jumped up and shouted, "Mom, you're so good!" I put on my shoes, sat on the edge of the kang (heated brick bed), and waited for my opportunity. It was truly a stroke of luck. My mother went to the toilet, and since it was a communal toilet, even a quick pee took five minutes. As soon as the doorbell rang, I rushed into the main room, grabbed Xiao'e, and kissed her passionately on her small lips.
"Xiao'e, why haven't you talked to me these past few days? I've missed you so much..." I asked while kissing her. Xiao'e hugged me tightly, and amidst my passionate kisses, she said intermittently, "I missed you too, but they said I was cheap, that I watched TV next to you every day, so I didn't dare to go near you anymore. Look, I've lost weight because I missed you so much..." My hand went straight for her lower body. This was the most pleasurable invasion I'd ever experienced. Her standing position made her mons pubis appear even fuller and more appealing, rising high before settling inwards. In the short duration of our sexual contact, it was already soaking wet. I figured Mom should be back by now. I quickly made my plans. I first changed Mom's bedtime pills to tranquilizers, then told Xiao'e that we'd wait until Mom was sound asleep before... The waiting time wasn't actually long, but it felt like an eternity. During this time, my lower body remained erect, and I even felt a slight pain between my thighs.
In the darkness, I heard rustling sounds as she got up, and my heart pounded even harder. After all, this was a first for both of us. Sure enough, my door opened softly, and a petite figure slipped in. Before she even got close, I could feel her rapid breathing. I pulled back the covers, and she crawled in, wearing only a shirt. I couldn't wait to pull her into my arms. She was so petite and sweet, so comforting.
Our lips met, and we kissed passionately, our tongues intertwining and sucking... Our hands instinctively reached in and grasped each other's genitals...
My hands greedily played with her small vulva, my fingers still teasing the clitoris I had been longing for (later, as I grew older, I learned that it was the clitoris, a woman's most sensitive spot). My fingertips moved to her vulva, where it was already overflowing with lustful fluid, and her tender inner thighs were also soaked.
I frantically stripped off all of E's clothes, my mouth incessantly sucking on her small, newly developing breasts. E finally let out the suppressed moan I had when I first violated her that night. Her little hands never left my penis. I moved my mouth quickly down her abdomen to her genitals. Ah, there was a sour, indescribable taste here. I stuck out my tongue and licked her tightly closed vulva from bottom to top. Especially her clitoris, which swelled rapidly under my licking. With each lick, it made her utter a soft moan like a kitten… There was so much fluid, my tongue and lips were already sticky. I suddenly had an urge to swallow, so I opened my mouth and sucked and swallowed greedily. Her small labia and the protruding clitoris were all under my repeated licking.
E'e's face was burning hot, as if she had a high fever. She murmured in a dreamlike voice, her waist heaving, her legs squeezing together, and her vagina opening and closing tightly. With each opening and closing, a large amount of vaginal fluid overflowed. I greedily sucked and swallowed it. It really felt like drinking nectar... Before I knew it, E'e's legs were on my shoulders, her buttocks off the mattress, her legs hooking firmly around my shoulders, trying her best to bring her vagina between my lips and tongue... My hand accidentally touched a wet patch on the mattress... I put E'e's legs down, lifted my penis which had been erect for nearly 30 minutes, and explored to guide it into that opening... Perhaps it was because E'e had too much fluid, or perhaps the extreme excitement had caused the pain nerves to weaken. In short, my first time with E'e wasn't as painful as some novels describe. My penis entered E'e's vagina smoothly; I only felt a slight pushing motion from her, which I don't remember very clearly now. Then came a storm of thrusting. Normally, these kinds of novels would describe it like this or that. But my impression at the time was that E'e's vagina was quite narrow. It went in smoothly about a third of the way, then there was a strong feeling of pressure, but with the help of her vaginal fluids, it slid in smoothly, which felt particularly good. I've never encountered such a superior vagina as E'e's since.
In a daze and excitement, I ejaculated for the first time, feeling a tingling, electric shock-like sensation running down my spine and the back of my head, accompanied by trembling. She, curled up in a ball, her buttocks heaving, her hands gripping the sheets tightly, her vaginal contractions gradually slowing until they disappeared. At this point, she seemed to be only breathing, which terrified me. I kept asking her what was wrong, but she didn't say anything. (I later realized this was a female orgasm).
After a short rest, at E's insistence, we did it again, this time she sucked my penis. You know, both times I ejaculated entirely into her vagina; thinking back now, it's terrifying—she didn't get pregnant. Later I learned that because of her blocked fallopian tubes, she didn't conceive for a long time after marriage. Perhaps we were a blessing in disguise.
That night, she asked me a question: Do men menstruate? I answered: No! She said I was lying and didn't believe me.
I believe she should believe me now!
However, I never met a woman like E again after that. She was just 16 years old then, so I was practically teetering on the edge of crime.
Oh, and I should confess, E and I had sex over a hundred times, and the techniques became increasingly varied; we both enjoyed it immensely. It seems that sexual desire, skills, and knowledge are innate, only evolving with time. It's something you learn without a teacher; from now on, I'll never study "physiology and hygiene" again!
If you fellow enthusiasts appreciate my honesty and frankness, please post a message to support me. I will repay you all with my subsequent experiences!
[The End]

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