My own decision

page views:1 Publication date:2023-03-23

"Is today's interview finished? Thanks for your hard work!"
The woman who entered the office didn't say much, just politely nodded to the bearded man who spoke, went to her seat, and began organizing the items in her bag. She was a woman with short, shoulder-length black hair, a pretty face, and with a little dressing up, she was the ideal girl in the eyes of most men. She hadn't been working at this news company for long, still a newbie, and coupled with her introverted and shy personality, she was not only very awkward during interviews, but also gave her senior colleagues a headache. Therefore, she always chose to quietly work at her desk. She put pencils, pens, and various stationery items into the pen holder, took out her interview notebook, and focused intently on the records inside. It was about interviewing the students who surrounded the government building, discussing why they had taken such a radical action. The interviewees spoke fluently, while I could only ask questions verbatim, completely misunderstanding what they were talking about. I admired their courage and their extensive knowledge. I'm already a working professional, a few years older than these students, yet I still seem so clumsy and clueless.
"The interview footage is already edited. Xiaowen, hurry up and write the news article so we can hand it in today."
The post-production staff were all senior members who had joined the company earlier. They were so experienced that they didn't need Xiaowen, a new reporter, to communicate with them. They edited the news video themselves and let Xiaowen watch the video and write the news article on her own. Xiaowen opened the folder, which already contained a pre-edited video file:
"'Why did you surround the government offices
?' 'Because I'm opposing the trade terms!'
'Do you know the contents of the terms
?' 'Of course not!'"
"Wait, didn't we interview for about thirty minutes?"
"Oh! That was just to show them we had the sincerity for the interview. Real news footage wouldn't be that long. Leaving two questions is already good enough!"
"But...but isn't this taking things out of context too seriously?"
"Hmm, is it? The conclusion is exactly like this, haha."
Ignoring Xiaowen's troubled expression, the post-production editor laughed and went back to his work, as if endless tasks awaited him. Xiaowen remained standing, scratching her cheek, still confused. She wondered why she had tried so hard to overcome her psychological barrier to ask such questions. Was this really okay? After all, it was her first time working, and she was judging things by her own standards. Xiaowen thought, if she were a citizen, she definitely wouldn't accept this kind of reporting.
"What's wrong? Still thinking about this?"
"N-nothing, I just wonder if this kind of reporting is really okay?"
"Of course it's okay!" The bearded man, who seemed to be a senior figure here, smiled broadly. "I should say that it would be problematic not to report like this. If you write a little more, it will definitely be rejected by those higher-ups. Then you'll just be going back and forth between submitting and being rejected. In the end, if there's a blank page, you'll be the one who has to take the blame. Do you want that?"
The bearded man was still smiling, but his eyes were filled with a murky, disgusting look. Although Xiaowen felt uncomfortable being stared at, she didn't have the courage to show her disgust. Besides, the other person was kindly reminding her, and it would be too inconsiderate of her to complain. She shook her head quickly like a bobblehead doll, indicating that she didn't want such a tragedy.
"Right? You're just out here to make a living, don't make trouble for yourself. Every company has its unspoken rules, it's the same everywhere. If you can't adapt, you won't be able to survive in society."
"Yeah, yeah, I know."
That's right, it's the same everywhere. In this environment, every company is this bad. No matter what, you have to find a way to survive. Just do your job well and don't think about anything else. Xiaowen clenched her fist as if she had made up her mind, and sat back down at her desk. But just as she was about to start typing, a middle-aged woman's voice suddenly came from afar:
"Xiaowen, Ms. Liu is calling you!"
"Ms. Liu,"
after hesitating for a moment, the woman who called rushed over anxiously, telling Xiaowen to come over quickly. Liu Sang was a high-ranking figure in their department, so of course she couldn't be neglected. However, Xiao Wen couldn't understand why they were looking for her, someone she had never interacted with before and had no chance of ever having. She stood up timidly and hesitantly made her way to the only private office in the department.
"Liu Sang, what's that old lecher up to now?"
"Who knows? And he looked so serious just now, like he had something important to say. And even if he's being unreasonable, he wouldn't lay a hand on a subordinate! What's he thinking!"
"Well, what can you do? Men won't be picky if they have food, haha."
Listening to the bearded man and the middle-aged woman whispering so loudly, Xiao Wen almost suspected they were deliberately talking to her. Anyway, she was the weakest among them, so she couldn't talk back. Hearing those words made her even more uneasy, but she could only continue forward heavily, step by step…
In high school, she had a boyfriend. She didn't have any particular feelings for him, but he confessed to her, and she couldn't find a reason to refuse, so she agreed. When they walked together, the man seemed to want to declare something, always emphasizing that they had to hold hands. It seemed like this was how boyfriends and girlfriends should act—touching someone else's hand, getting it covered in the sweat of a man's hands. The nauseating feeling lingered in Xiaowen's mind, yet she still obligingly intertwined her fingers. Less than two months into their relationship, the man suggested they have sex, promising to use a condom. He said so-and-so in their class had already done it, and that this was how relationships usually progressed. He bombarded Xiaowen with various arguments. She couldn't seem to refuse, and she couldn't find a reason to. Xiaowen hesitated repeatedly, feeling disgusted by intimacy with such a man, but they were already boyfriend and girlfriend. How could she despise him? And she couldn't tell him she didn't want to—that wasn't a valid reason. Always stammering and hesitant, Xiaowen reluctantly nodded this time.
Two high school students, having borrowed a friend's house where their parents worked late, were having their first sexual experience in someone else's home. The friend's lewd smile before leaving was disgusting; Xiaowen felt a sense of unease, as if the whole class would know she'd lost her virginity the next day. She regretted her actions and wanted to run out before anything happened, but she obediently sat on the bed. The two looked at each other; the boy swallowed hard, grinning to try and ease the tension, but Xiaowen only felt more uncomfortable. The awkwardness continued. They silently undressed, removing their shirts and skirts until only white underwear remained. The other boy also stripped down to his panties; they had really gone this far.
Xiaowen lay down on the bed, and the impatient man pounced on her. He couldn't pretend anymore; his expression was ferocious, wanting only to quickly enjoy the taste of adulthood. He lifted Xiaowen's pure white underwear, opening his mouth and sucking desperately. Her pink nipples and soft breasts seemed like delicious food; the man was simply greedily demanding more. The touch of his tongue was disgusting; her chest was covered in another man's saliva, and he'd even used his teeth and lips. Xiaowen struggled to resist, afraid she might accidentally push the man away. Her panties were pulled down, and the man invaded her with his fingers, completely clueless about where the opening was. He tried to stir rapidly as soon as he got close, and Xiaowen almost cried from the pressure of his fingers. The man finally found the entrance, completely oblivious to the force he was applying, groping her sensitive opening. His fingernails scratched the vaginal walls, making it feel like it was about to bleed, and only a little bit of lubrication was barely produced. Was this really how painful it was? Xiaowen could only cover her eyes and hold back her tears.
"That's enough, isn't it?"
Xiaowen was confused, staring blankly at the man struggling to put on the condom. Finally, it was on, but his thing was poking around in her vaginal opening, refusing to go in. Frustrated and angry, the man's movements became increasingly rough, until finally he found the opening and inserted his thing into Xiaowen's body. It hurt, it hurt so much! She felt nothing but pain. The thing moved awkwardly inside her vagina; the tender muscles only felt a burning, inflamed pain, and the man continued to rub inside, further increasing her suffering. It seemed like she was bleeding. Xiaowen kept looking down to check if her vagina was bleeding, hoping to find a reason for the man to stop. No blood flowed. The man continued to use her body to release his pent-up desires, pulling out and thrusting in again. When would this nightmare end?
"Xiaowen, is it...comfortable?"
How could she answer? Tears streamed down her face from the pain, but this seemed to concern a man's pride. Xiaowen didn't speak, only offering a poorly executed bitter smile. The man seemed satisfied, continuing his thrusting. This piston-like activity was about to intensify! Xiaowen felt numbness in her lower body; the pain made her grip the sheets tightly, forcing herself not to cry out.
"Ah, ah, I can't take it anymore, I'm going to cum!"
Xiaowen finally felt a little relieved; this hell was about to end. Reason made her stare intently down below, checking if the condom was properly on her penis. The man straightened his back, shuddered a couple of times, sighed, pulled off the condom, threw it in the trash, and lay down on the bed, exhausted from the intense activity. This first experience, besides the pain, also left a nauseating feeling deeply etched into her body. The two of them were still naked, and the man beside them was already snoring. Xiaowen wrapped herself tightly in the blanket, hugging her knees, feeling like crying, but could only stare wide-eyed in confusion, unable to shed a single tear.
Xiaowen had sex with that man twice more, but still felt nothing, only nausea and pain. Xiaowen couldn't refuse the man's advances because she couldn't find a reason to refuse. To want to refuse without a reason was simply being unreasonable. Before long, the distance between the man and Xiaowen grew, and he increasingly disregarded her words. "It's okay," Xiaowen thought, realizing everything, but she didn't intend to try to salvage the relationship. A relationship in name only wasn't so bad, was it? Not long after, the man broke up with her, and Xiaowen accepted. She wasn't particularly sad; her tears were all for what she had lost, seemingly indifferent to the man's feelings. As if having moved on from the pain, Xiaowen had sexual relations with several men in college. She couldn't refuse when strongly pressured, and her body repeatedly slept with different men. Perhaps even after entering the workforce, this bad habit remained...
"Hello everyone! The students who have been surrounding government buildings for four days are still sitting outside today. As you can see from the camera, the leading students are taking turns speaking on stage. The students are still very agitated, and it seems like they might clash with the police at any moment..."
She really did come. Xiaowen stood among the students, not as a reporter, but as someone assisting the protesting students. A senior colleague from her company was reporting alongside her. Because of Xiaowen's special status and her request, she was given the opportunity to speak to the students. Of course, she was now anxious about going on stage, constantly rubbing her fingers, just like when she was a student giving a presentation.
"Ladies and gentlemen, next, a reporter would like to share with us everything she saw at the television station. Her courage in setting aside her own identity and risking losing her job is truly admirable. Let's ask Ms. Xiaowen to say a few words to us!" She
really came! Xiaowen's body trembled with nervousness, and her steps onto the stage were clumsy and awkward. She took the microphone, her lips trembling, her mind blank, unable to recall the prepared speech she had prepared. All eyes were on her; what should she do? Xiaowen stared blankly at the audience, then suddenly jerked as if pricked by something sharp. Finally, she mustered her courage and opened her mouth:
"H-Hello everyone, I'm a reporter from XX TV station. Actually, I'm here because there are some things I can't stand anymore." As she spoke, Xiaowen suddenly felt no guilt whatsoever; she could even straighten her back and speak her mind. "I saw it at the company. My hard-earned 30-minute interview was cut down to less than a minute. It was blatant misrepresentation, but I had no choice but to cooperate and write a press release that didn't reflect the facts. Not only that, any interview about this student movement will be distorted by the media. If you agree to an interview, even if you answer over 30 questions, they'll only use one or two answers, or even string different questions and answers together. It's not just misrepresentation; they're creating entirely new questions and answers! And we media outlets are all manipulated by the government. Isn't the government the most despicable one? That's why I have to stand up and expose these truths!"
Xiaowen became more and more agitated as she spoke. She didn't even know why she could speak to this extent. Normally, she was just a coward hiding in the background, but now it was as if she was about to express something that had been building up inside her, shouting at the audience. The audience responded to her, "I knew it!" "The government is really going too far!" Various excited words were thrown around, and everyone was restless and uneasy, as if something was really going to happen because of her words. A coded signal came from below the stage, finally snapping Xiaowen out of her reverie. Running off the stage now would be too conspicuous, but Xiaowen's entire focus was on escaping.
"This kind of government is unbearable! Just surrounding it isn't enough. If you've got the guts, follow me and charge in, seize the government buildings!"
"Yeah! Let's just seize them!"
The atmosphere among the crowd completely changed. Suddenly, someone jumped out, shouting that they wanted to storm the government. The others, already fired up by those words, were further energized by the shouts of a forced attack. Everyone was itching to move forward.
"Wait, everyone! Don't clash with the police!"
The leader quickly took the megaphone from Xiaowen, but it was too late. The crowd was pushing and shoving, the friction of their bodies fueling their emotions, and no one could hear the leader's words. The police, holding shields, refused to back down, desperately pushing the crowd back as well.
"Grandma Lin! Stop blocking!"
A man pulled out a baseball bat from somewhere and slammed it against the police shields. Several officers couldn't withstand the force and fell. Everyone immediately pushed towards the gap, and other officers rushed to provide backup. Then, seemingly out of nowhere, people pulled out weapons like spiked clubs and stun guns and attacked the police. The scene instantly descended into chaos, and the riot quickly spiraled out of control.
"What are you doing! We're a student movement emphasizing peace!"
Once there was any attack, it was all over, but they couldn't stop everything from happening. The entire scene could only be described as a riot. The police received orders to disperse the crowd. Fire trucks that were already prepared sprayed water jets, driving the crowd back. Some ran, some fell, some had head wounds and scrapes on their hands and feet. Those who were unarmed were covered in bruises and were completely unable to resist the police, as if the violent attacks on the police had just been a hoax.
"Damn Lin! You made Lin Bei stand here for so long, see if you dare to obstruct official business again!"
Punches and kicks rained down, even after the people were on the ground, the police continued to push them forward with shields. Batons fell like rain on the fallen people; the injuries were far beyond mere bleeding and skin abrasions—fractures and concussions were not uncommon.
The crowd was dispersed. The government had successfully resolved the protest through violence. Other people had witnessed firsthand how irrational those who attacked the police truly were. In a democratic and rule-of-law country, peace is paramount; even the slightest physical conflict violates the rules. It is believed that in the near future, people will forget this protest, and the government can resume its operations smoothly. The heroine reporter, Xiao Wen, who briefly appeared during this protest, disappeared at the start of the violence, vanishing along with those who initiated it.
In the dark room, only the dim yellow light from the bedside lamp and the glow of the screen illuminated the room. The machine's hum, though faint, was grating. Inside, a woman's affected reading of a script, her incoherent phrasing, was irritating. Yet, the old man sitting in front of the television, on the sofa, seemed quite satisfied, his greasy, fat face grinning broadly. Below him, there were other sounds—a slurping, squelching sound from his groin—as a pretty, dark-haired woman was sucking and licking his penis. The woman frowned; the middle-aged man's animalistic, pungent odor was unbearable, but she remained focused, like a slave obeying a command, intently licking the foul-smelling, limp thing.
"Haha, these students are so naive, they don't know anything about politics, yet they dare to challenge us! The national media will only broadcast footage of their riots; now everyone knows they're just a mob. Don't worry, your speech won't be broadcast."
Xiao Wen raised her head, looking at the old man pressing down on her, a wave of nausea rising from her stomach almost bursting from her mouth. She stared blankly, finally managing a forced laugh, even more disgusting than the old man's. Liu Sang frowned, but considering Xiao Wen was somewhat beautiful, he finally revealed a lewd smile.
"You did well this time. If I wanted, a promotion wouldn't be a problem for you; it all depends on how you perform."
"Yes, yes..."
There was no joy, only cold sweat breaking out on her hands and feet. She wasn't doing this for any position; she just didn't want to be erased from society, she just wanted to continue surviving in this society. She had no other motives. Fear made Xiao Wen lower her head again, continuing to suck and lick the man's penis. She'd never done anything like this before. The middle-aged man's smell was particularly strong. Using her mouth to suck on someone's urinary tract—besides being disgusting, what kind of sensation could she possibly have? His thick, dark glans was swirling in her mouth with his tongue, his fingers gently pressing and rubbing the shaft, yet he seemed completely unresponsive. Could his penis even be considered semi-erect? It was limp and lifeless, as if mocking her for not even being able to please a man properly.
"Honestly, your technique is terrible. Is this your first time doing this?"
"Y-yes..."
"Hey, aren't young people supposed to be very open these days? Sleeping with someone so young, and you've never tried this kind of thing before. Fine, take your clothes off."
Wanting to say that she hadn't willingly had sexual experience, Xiaowen obediently took off her clothes, removing her shirt and black skirt. At Liu Sang's instruction, she even took off her stockings and underwear, quickly becoming completely naked. Liu Sang also took off his clothes. The obese old man sat on the bed and beckoned Xiaowen over. Xiaowen tried to cover her exposed breasts, but it was pointless. She could only stiffen and awkwardly approach the old man's bed step by step.
"Lie down on me, let go of my hands."
Xiaowen pressed her body against the fat old man's frame. The disgusting fleshy sensation immediately spread across her delicate skin, as if a piece of greasy pork was pressed against her back. The man spread her thighs, ordering her not to resist. His thick, short, fat fingers rubbed against her thighs, and a low, lewd laugh echoed in her ear. Xiaowen felt nothing but discomfort. The man turned her head, his thick lips pressing against hers. His mouth reeked of a stinking sewer, with a hint of tobacco. His tongue entwined with hers, swirling around it, even exchanging saliva. But was what he was using really saliva or some kind of monstrous slime? It was unimaginably disgusting. The old man, satisfied, pulled away from her lips, a thin strand of liquid still lingering between them. Xiaowen felt as if something had ripped out of her heart; she was completely dazed, unable to see anything.
"Oh, I heard it's been used. I didn't expect your little hole to be so tight! Youth is truly wonderful."
His fingers finally reached her vulva. The fat fingers didn't rush to penetrate, but instead used them to slightly widen the opening. His middle finger gently teased the tender flesh of her vulva. Suddenly, Xiaowen felt as if she had been electrocuted; her waist jerked upwards. The tingling, numb sensation was unlike anything she had ever experienced before. The old man smiled smugly and continued his attack on the protruding nipple. His middle finger first rubbed slowly, then the speed increased. The intense stimulation made the woman feel like she was about to collapse. Her body convulsed uncontrollably, and she bit her index finger, trying to suppress the surging pleasure within her. Seeing that Xiaowen was aroused, the man pressed his fingers together against her tender vulva, rubbing them rapidly from side to side, constantly stimulating her swollen and engorged clitoris. The speed increased, and the stirring sounds grew louder. Finally, the woman couldn't hold back any longer, tightly hugging the man behind her, arching her back upwards, and experiencing a slight orgasm.
The older man showed no intention of letting Xiaowen rest. He flipped her over, straddling her legs, so that she was upside down with her legs wide open. The man smeared his fingers with disgusting saliva, then used his saliva-covered middle finger to penetrate Xiaowen's vagina. Feeling the repulsive substance entering her body, Xiaowen instinctively tensed up, but in this position, she couldn't struggle and could only watch as the older man's fingers moved in and out of her private parts.
"Relax! It's not the first time, why are you so nervous!"
Liu Sang was angry. Although Xiao Wen was even more nervous, she was even more afraid of the consequences of disobeying. She forced herself to calm down, and her body gradually softened. Before, it was just the man forcing her down, her legs hanging in mid-air, but now her feet were so soft that they could touch the bed, completely accommodating the man's opening. Liu Sang was not polite at all, not only using his middle finger to penetrate, but also joining his middle and ring fingers together, stirring vigorously inside. It was an incredible feeling. Xiao Wen had never felt comfortable because of sex before, but now her lower body was constantly sending electric currents through her. This must be the feeling of comfort, hot and tingling. The feeling of tender flesh being touched was still unfamiliar, but her body was swaying wildly with this feeling, and it could even be said that she was excited by this feeling. This man's technique was completely different from the people Xiao Wen had encountered before. With skillful stirring, the sound of water could be heard, and the woman's comfortable juices flowed out clearly. As if he had been waiting for this moment, Liu Sang smiled servilely, opened his mouth wide, and pressed it against Xiao Wen's vulva with an "ah." Having been used by that foul-smelling mouth, this vulva was practically ruined. His nimble tongue probed and sucked the flowing nectar inside, his large, thick tongue licking the cleft with all its might, drawing out the engorged clitoris, sending a jolt of electricity through Xiao Wen's head. She seemed to experience another slight orgasm as she stuck out her tongue.
"You lick this thing too. It's going to enter your body soon, so it'd better be wet, although judging from your vulva, it probably won't need it, ha!"
Xiao Wen turned her head, the man's thing still rubbing against her face, easily visible with a slight turn of her head. That previously limp thing was now fiercely erect, three or four times thicker than before. There was no stimulation at all, so why was she so energetic? Xiaowen didn't dare to think too much about it. She forced her mouth open wide and struggled to take the thick, black thing into her mouth. It still smelled terrible, and swallowing and spitting were even more inconvenient. In this position, it was also difficult to move her head. She could only do as the man had said, using her tongue to moisten that thick thing. The old man was still licking her vulva, his tongue stirring inside, stimulating in all directions, giving the woman the greatest pleasure. The man raised his head and switched to his fingers, inserting them into her vulva and stirring them at high speed. Finally, Xiaowen couldn't hold back anymore and spat out the man's thing, letting out a loud, lewd scream. Her vaginal fluids splashed out of her vulva, spraying onto Xiaowen's face and even into her open mouth, but she didn't care at all. The physical pleasure overwhelmed her other thoughts. Her whole body tensed up, and the man's fingers thrust in one last time with force. Xiaowen experienced her first real orgasm.
"Alright, now we can finally enjoy ourselves!"
"Y-you're not going to wear a condom...?"
"Ha, of course not! I can use that and then take the morning-after pill!"
"But..."
"Stop nagging!"
To have sex with this old man without a condom was utterly disgusting. He was clearly a seasoned womanizer; who knew how many women he'd been with, who knew if he already had some STD? But Xiaowen remained silent, obediently lying on the bed, covering her eyes as she had the first time, simply unwilling to face the truth. Of course, reality wouldn't change just because she didn't face it. Liu Sang pried open Xiaowen's legs, grabbed his penis, rubbed the head against her vulva, and finally aimed at her opening, slowly inserting it. She couldn't face the truth, but she was being violated by that man. Her most sensitive spot was feeling the entry of his thick member, her vaginal walls being forced open inch by inch, the entire thing buried inside. She was being violated; a penis without a condom was violating her body.
The piston-like motion began, and tears streamed down Xiaowen's face. The old man paid no heed to any of this, focusing solely on his act of release. Like a wild beast, he stuck out his tongue, panting heavily, his hips swaying wildly as he thrust forward. The pleasure of violation and rape eroded his brain, leaving only the sense of superiority from conquering a woman to dominate him. Seeing that distorted expression, Xiaowen felt not only fear but also regret. If she had been more resolute, she wouldn't have ended up like this, being violated like this, treated like livestock, forced to let the man vent his desires on her body. Even with lingering doubts, her body reacted honestly, completely different from past sexual experiences. Her lower body felt pleasure, a pure, simple pleasure of mating, the kind of intercourse pleasure that existed solely for stimulation and survival. With each thrust of the thick penis, her vagina seemed to cry with joy, her hips swaying with numbing pleasure, responding to the man's thrusts, trying to reach orgasm.
"Enjoying this? Get up, you sow!"
The man rolled over and continued thrusting into Xiaowen from behind, making her lie on the bed like a bitch. He slapped her buttocks hard as he moved his hips. Xiaowen screamed in pain, but the man didn't stop. Her fair buttocks were covered in red, swollen handprints, the burning sensation numbing her senses, as if she didn't care about any more intense acts. The man pressed his entire body against hers, gripping her swollen buttocks and kneading them soothingly, while his thrusting increased in speed. Xiaowen, who could previously support herself on the bed with her hands, was now lying face down, her face buried in the sheets. He continued his frenzied thrusting from behind, like a wild beast.
"I'm going to cum! I'll cum all over your uterus!"
Unable to cry out, Xiaowen bit the blanket, letting the man continue to accelerate behind her. With the final two violent thrusts, Xiaowen screamed in agony. A scalding sensation filled her lower body, while her heart felt as cold as if it had fallen into an ice cellar. Despair overwhelmed her, and tears streamed down her face. Abandoned on the bed, unable to get up from the blankets, Xiaowen could no longer hold back. She burst into loud sobs, her nose red and watery, tears streaming down
her face, sniffling like a child shedding tears of resentment. After a short rest, the man climbed on top of Xiaowen again, letting his penis move slowly inside her. It wasn't as impulsive as the first time, but his face still held a domineering expression, focused only on his own sexual pleasure. She thought she was different now, that she could act freely in this society, until recently, through betraying herself, she finally understood that society was no different from before, that various methods still manipulated everyone. It's okay, I'm just out here to make a living, I just want to survive. What's wrong with doing this? Maybe I'm the one who's judging the problem. Like a masturbation device, I'm being used by an old man, my body vibrating up and down. I can't feel anything anymore. I've finally become a doll that only has tears welling up in its eyes. I won't have any more thoughts.

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