My husband gives me a tip every night before bed.

page views:1 Publication date:2023-03-23

I turned on the bedside lamp, and my husband, Hao, had placed another 100 yuan note under my pillow. When I nudged him, he was already snoring loudly. I picked up my phone; it was already past 3 a.m. My phone rarely gets calls; it's on 24/7, so it serves as my other watch. As a full-time housewife, my loneliness is something only the ancient Chinese poet Li Qingzhao, widowed in middle age, could truly understand. I don't know when it started after our marriage, but my husband began frequently attending social events outside,
coming home very late. Then, as usual, he would pull out a 100 yuan note and stuff it under my pillow. His initial official explanation was, "My wife works so hard; this little tip is an expression of love." I didn't say anything, but I interpreted it differently. He was out there enjoying himself, used to tipping prostitutes, and when he came home slightly drunk, he forgot the time difference, mistakenly handing me 100 yuan. Afraid I'd think the worst, he just went along with it, giving me a tip every time he came home late, as compensation and apology.
Actually, as the owner of a private enterprise, my husband makes me very proud; he's successful. I, on the other hand, am just a girl who dropped out of school to work and earn a living, working as a beer saleswoman in a restaurant. When he took a liking to me, the feeling of being favored was truly like a palace maid meeting a king who had feelings for her. When he smiled and nodded at me with a slightly tipsy expression, my soul was as captivated as the moonlight outside the window. Especially one night, a customer got drunk and insisted I carry him to the restroom. When I refused, he grabbed my hair and laughed wildly. Hao happened to be dining there at the time, and he came over and helped me out of the situation…
By the way, Hao is 15 years older than me. Six months after we met, I couldn't wait to marry him. From a young age, I had a very traditional wish: to stay at home, be a good wife and mother, gentle and virtuous, and carefree. When happiness descended upon me like winning the lottery, my first reaction was: "Husband, I'm willing to serve you like a slave for the rest of my life!" These were my heartfelt words on our wedding night. Because he never mistreated me. Really, during the six months we dated before marriage, he treated me like a treasure, never showing any disrespect, and insisted on keeping my virginity intact until our wedding night.
Admiration, gratitude, and respect were all my initial feelings for my husband. At that time, my favorite song was "I Love the Kitchen." Every morning, I would get up and make him a Chinese breakfast, which seemed incredibly romantic to me. Lotus seeds, water chestnuts, black dates, dried longan... I would pour them into the pot one by one and simmer them with tenderness, adding honey, frying two exquisite eggs or making a few snow-white steamed buns. Then, I would sit at the table bathed in the morning light, waiting for my husband to get up...
Those were days when even a glance could spark a connection. Often, while I was making dinner, my husband would quietly lean over and gently pat my bottom, six parts tenderness and four parts lewdness. I loved this ambiguous care. However, two years after our marriage, I became a mother, and life grew increasingly gloomy. Actually, he would still bend down and kiss me before leaving, and he would still bring me gifts from time to time when he came home.
But I gradually grew tired of this "beautiful cook" life, yet I couldn't show it to my husband. He wasn't bad to me, and he had even saved my entire family in the countryside: he bought houses for my two older brothers in the county town, my parents' health improved, and they received 1000 yuan a month from my husband for expenses…
I began to wonder if I was indulging in lustful desires, and even suddenly felt a nameless fear that the "millennium bug" within me would stir and ultimately destroy what my mother called my "good fortune from a past life." Especially after our son started kindergarten, not only did this unease intensify, but I also suddenly noticed my husband was getting busier and busier, coming home later and later.
Unconsciously, I began to like another song, "The Woman Afraid of the Dark." I've put all my beloved candlesticks away in the cupboard. I no longer want candles lit in every room, because those flickering lights make me uneasy. And yet, I used to love lighting candles to trim my husband's nails, massage him, or let him carry me from the kitchen to the bedroom…
The next morning, around 10 a.m., I mustered my courage and sat beside my sleeping husband, staring blankly at his sound asleep, tears silently streaming down my face. My husband opened his eyes and saw me counting a wad of banknotes in my hand. He asked curiously, "What happened? Did you lose your money?"
I laughed and cried at the same time, "No, guess how much money I have?" My husband yawned, a little impatiently, and said, "What's wrong? Why are you crying? What happened?" I said, "Nothing happened. My four-year-old son went to his aunt's house and was bored, so he took out the money to play with."
My husband laughed, but I didn't tease him. He casually hooked his arm around my neck, pulled me into his embrace, and kissed the tip of my nose—one of his most tender little gestures. "I still love how childlike you are," he said. "You seem unhappy lately, is something on your mind?" He always liked to say tender things when he was being affectionate. Perhaps it felt like a return to the past. I playfully wriggled out of his embrace, leaned against the bedside, and showed him the stack of hundred-yuan bills—353 in total. "Didn't you deposit them?" my husband asked, frowning.
I told him the truth: this 30,000-plus yuan was the "tips" he'd given me after coming home late at night from business dinners over the past three years. It was a bittersweet number, a memory that meant over 300 nights in the past three years where my husband felt guilty and I suffered. Add to that the days he was away on business trips, and I had so many empty, helpless nights.
I was afraid this was an endless nightmare, even more afraid of losing my husband completely. After I explained, my husband remained silent for a long time, then held me tightly in his arms. I guessed this was the first time he had reflected on how he had unintentionally neglected my love and youth.
Just then, my phone rang for the first time ever. It was a call reminding me to pay the phone bill. From the time I met him until that moment, I'd used it for five years, almost never using it except to receive my husband's loving greetings at the beginning. Finally, my husband spoke: "I really forgot your phone number!" I kissed him, stopping him from continuing…
Unexpectedly, long-dormant desire erupted. Banknotes were scattered all over the bed and floor. We melted away our past grievances and comforted each other with a profound physical connection… At that moment, the room was quiet except for the primal sound of our breathing. For the first time, I experienced my husband "serving" me, and his declaration to me through his body: "It's time for me to serve you!"
Looking back, it was truly a sexual experience that made me feel at peace and my soul leave my body. Afterwards, my husband got out of bed and, for the first time ever, poured me a glass of water. He said that every time he gave me a "tip," he felt guilty and uneasy, but he had to face many social obligations. "When you're in the world, you're not in control of your own destiny," he said. "I admit I've played along, but please believe me, my family is what I love most." I believed him. In a loving and supportive marriage, I was the beneficiary; what more could I say?
Just as we were squatting on the floor picking up the money, my husband suddenly sat down. The wooden floor was cold, so I handed him a cushion. He said, "Thank you!" I felt a little awkward. What was wrong with my husband today? Why was he being so polite? After a moment of hesitation, my husband finally revealed a secret: he too had come from a poor background and loved wearing cloth shoes. When he was poor, he was afraid people would think he was poor, so he didn't dare wear them. After he became wealthy, the first thing he did wasn't to buy a car, but to buy five pairs of cloth shoes. He said with deep feeling that money could give a man confidence. If material things had genders, cars and money would definitely be "masculine." Love makes people suspicious, but money makes people fearless, especially for a man.
In my eyes, I was out of his league with him, but he didn't feel that way at all. Deep down, he harbored a hidden inferiority complex, afraid to confront the fact that he was 15 years older than me. Subconsciously, he wanted to prove his power with money, and also to use it to control my love. Having money by his side made him feel stronger and more secure, giving him a strong sense of conquest and immense satisfaction during sex…
Seeing that I had misunderstood his "tip" intentions and fearing I would be hurt, he bravely spoke his mind. When he said things that threatened his supposed "dignity" as head of the household and his patriarchal "authority," he seemed somewhat lost. I wasn't shocked; instead, I was deeply moved. So, I hugged him tightly, my pounding heart encouraging him: I will always be his faithful lover, even if he's crazy!
Perhaps one day, I will step out of the home and no longer be the simple housewife my husband hoped for. But my husband saved me with love and money, and I, in turn, must repay him with love, allowing him to transform the money he gives me into something beautiful and warm, like an embrace, like "forever," or the touch of my hair in his hand... Our marriage is composed of seven parts love and three parts gratitude!
Organizing that stack of meaningful hundred-yuan bills is like organizing my husband's white socks, gloves, and tie. I am no longer afraid or melancholy, but rather feel a pang of heartache. Behind the cold banknotes lies my husband's vulnerable yet loving and warm heart. Perhaps some will say that pillow-side "tips" are a bit strange, but I am happy to accept them because they express something extraordinary. If my husband's pillow-side tips seem somewhat morbid, then I am willing to be the most suitable remedy for this morbidity, to stay by his side for life!
In the past, I only had admiration, awe, obedience, and gratitude towards my husband. After that sincere conversation that morning, I began to truly enjoy my husband as a living, breathing, warm being. The first change, of course, was that my husband stopped giving me the so-called "pillow talk tips." I silently counted the days, just like years ago when he would count stars with me on the beach—the more I counted, the happier I became. After three months, I secretly took all those "tips" to a jewelry store and had a platinum ring custom-made for my husband. In the past, I had only passively received gifts from him; I had never given him anything in return.
A few days later, when I presented him with the ring and birthday cake, he was quite puzzled: "My birthday?" He was so busy with work that he had even forgotten his own birthday. So, when he remembered it was his birthday, his eyes immediately welled up with tears. After a long silence, he choked up and said, "Since my mother passed away, no one has celebrated my birthday. Thank you, you've finally grown into my true wife!"
Hearing the word "grown," my heart trembled. In the past, I only knew how to rely on my husband, as if I would never grow up. Now, I finally wanted to be a mature wife with flesh and blood! With a mix of excitement and solemnity, I placed the ring on my husband's finger: "From this day forward, no one may touch my husband!" My husband smiled broadly, revealing his playful side.
Just as he instinctively tried to carry me to the bedroom again, I said "no" for the first time. Then, for the first time ever, I pushed him down onto the sofa, bent over, and "pampered" him like a queen… This was the first time I explored his body under bright light. In the past, I focused more on connecting with him through my heart; this time, I went against the grain, stepping down from my spiritual pedestal to truly awaken my physical desires and gain a deeper understanding of our shared love map and sexual sensibilities.
And so, the 30,000+ yuan "tip" I'd given him on that night of self-discovery transformed into a platinum ring on my husband's finger—a truly poetic transformation. The road ahead continues; marriage is a classroom of love, and we are both growing. Having understood all this, I believe I will no longer be plagued by insecurity or confusion.
Commentary: This couple, who were previously short of money, exhibited two extreme reactions after acquiring wealth: One was that the husband idealized it, exaggerating its power, becoming dependent on it, and seeing it as a pillar of his emotional support. The other was that the wife needed it yet feared it, subconsciously viewing it as a derogatory term, a transactional relationship, and thus guarding against and rejecting it.
Clearly, both situations lack rationality. Money is an indispensable social tool in a commercial society; its importance is universally acknowledged. However, we should maintain a normal attitude towards it, avoiding imbuing it with too much emotional weight, lest we complicate simple feelings.
It should be acknowledged that love is a special kind of interpersonal relationship, and money can enhance it; no one can deny its positive driving force and its subtle nature as a modern emotional vehicle. But it is not omnipotent, because love is also a feeling, a mysterious psychological connection, which cannot be influenced by money.
Once all this is clarified, wouldn't love seem simpler? The problem of love often arises because people artificially complicate it, thus confusing themselves as well. Of course, if the psychological magic of money makes the person feel happier (including sexually), then we are happy to see it, since happiness should be the priority.
Another point is that marital love is different from the passionate intensity of courtship; it's more about trust. Therefore, frequent and sincere communication between spouses is beneficial for mutual understanding, eliminating misunderstandings, and thus creating a more solid foundation for a long and happy marriage.
Finally, it's important to emphasize that loving someone requires confidence. A lack of confidence or low self-esteem will breed mistrust and poison the quality of the marriage. Therefore, a humble attitude is an obstacle to healthy marital interaction and should not be reinforced or encouraged.

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My husband gives me a tip every night before bed.

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