Eyebrows, My Love for You Will Never Be Known (Author: Chiming Gaoke)

page views:1 Publication date:2023-03-23

Reading many authors' works has brought back a long-buried memory. A woman I loved deeply, whom I haven't contacted for over half a year. I don't know where you are now, or if you miss me as much as I miss you. You won't see my heart, nor will you see this article I wrote for you. I hope everything goes well for you in 2013, and that you find a good man to marry. Missing you, Mei.
Thanks to the "Spring Blossoms" forum for giving me a platform to record my feelings, allowing me to clearly recall a past event. I'm a veteran with a very low level of education, so please bear with me. This is my personal experience, an indelible memory in my life. If any of you frequent the Northeast part-time job section, you might notice me. I often post part-time job information, and the jobs I post are considered to be among the most cost-effective and unique in the Dalian area.
Since Mei left me, I've become addicted to this. It's not that I have a strong physical need, but after making contact, there's a strong sense of mystery surrounding the woman I meet upstairs for sex. The sense of loss after having sex with someone who's undressed is indescribable. My record was finding 12 part-time jobs on QQ in one day. I didn't do them every time; many were just symbolic touching and checking out the woman's figure after she took off her clothes, then I'd pay and leave. That day, I went crazy and had sex five times,
only ejaculating four times. But it's like some inner demon is pulling me; whenever I have free time, I want to go for it. A childhood friend who's a psychologist told me I have a psychological problem. Haha, I digress.
I grew up in a military compound; my parents, uncles, and aunts were all career soldiers, and I was no exception. I joined the army before graduating high school because I was the only son in my family. To toughen me up, I was assigned to the northernmost part of the country as a proud People's Liberation Army soldier. Not everyone can endure that kind of harsh environment.
Lying prone in the snow at minus 30 degrees Celsius for an hour at a time, my penis would freeze solid. Every training exercise, starting with the five-kilometer run, was a long hell for me; I vomited until I was practically jaundiced. The only fun was drinking and bragging with my comrades during holidays or when there were no missions. I didn't learn any other skills; I could
down a pound of 55-proof liquor and still not do much. So much so that every time I went home to visit my family, my childhood friends called me a "drunkard." I endured this environment for two whole years, and also made a large group of loyal comrades. In Northeastern dialect, there are four unbreakable bonds: sharing a classroom, carrying a gun together, getting wounded together, and visiting prostitutes together. Because I had appendicitis in 2005, my family felt I was tough enough, so they used their connections to get me released from prison and assigned me to be a proud armed police officer. I stayed for two years. During those two years, I was slightly injured during a mission and
met my wife, Min, a military doctor, while in the hospital. Actually, thinking back, our courtship was very romantic, but time has worn down all the passion. With the birth of our baby, we probably only had sex about twice a month on average. My wife isn't the main character here, so I'll skip her. Shortly after our marriage, I couldn't stand the relatively strict constraints of the military and resolutely transferred to civilian life. I didn't follow in my parents' footsteps and become a career soldier. Actually, I had a position at a military-industrial enterprise with a military representative in the local military transfer office
because I had received a third-class merit award. I could have had priority in job selection, but I gave it up. I wanted to make my own way in the world. Only after entering society did I realize that someone like me, without any skills or education, ended up having my family find me a small business to support the family. I sold fire-fighting equipment. Many people may be familiar with this industry; the income is very stable, but the entry requirements for fire safety are extremely high. Only fire-fighting equipment purchased at "designated" locations can pass fire safety inspections. Hotels, internet cafes, shopping malls,
developers—basically, wherever people gather, there's a market for my business. My monthly income is also very stable; I don't even need to "go to work"—just hire a young woman. But I'm not a naturally content person. As my wife says, if I don't cause some trouble every week, it's like the world is missing me. I used to spend my days drinking and partying with my comrades, classmates, childhood friends,
and buddies. Then one day, a close relative of my wife's got a powerful position, and that's when my current career began. I was working on civil defense projects for newly developed residential communities, including waterproofing the ground. To put it simply, as anyone who's bought a new house knows, there are underground parking garages in these communities. National regulations stipulate that the right to use these garages belongs to the community owners, but the ownership of the second basement level
belongs to the civil defense authorities. That's why you only have the right to use the underground parking garage, not a building permit. Unless it's a very large developer that can develop up to three basement levels, you don't get the property rights. Underground engineering is the most expensive and labor-intensive, but the deeper the underground engineering, the stronger the foundation and the stronger the earthquake resistance. However, very few developers are willing to do such a loss-making business. And parking spaces without property rights don't prevent developers from selling them. Only during times of war do they belong to all the people, providing shelter from disaster.
It was while working on my second project that I met the woman I love most in my life besides my wife. The word "love" is something men can't say aloud; it's only here that I can express it. One afternoon ten years ago, I went to a friend's company to settle project payments. My initial capital was very limited,
unlike now; I simply couldn't afford a decent construction team. It's difficult to guarantee quality work done by workers you don't have. My promise to any developer back then was a 10-year guarantee that the underground works wouldn't leak, and that the parking space markings wouldn't be blurred within a year (if they were, they'd be completely repainted). I also guaranteed that the parking garage's electric barriers wouldn't malfunction within three years, except in cases of accidents;
if a malfunction occurred due to construction quality, I'd not only be responsible for repairs but also provide an additional three-year warranty. I'm extremely meticulous and responsible, almost to the point of being obsessive. This serious attitude built my excellent reputation. Even now, I don't need relatives to help me get projects; I can't even keep up with my own workload. I seem to have gone off-topic again, haha. My writing isn't very good, so my thoughts aren't very clear; I can only write this from memory. Please forgive me. I went to my friend's company's finance department to settle accounts. There was a young woman there,
fair-skinned, with slightly squinty eyes, diligently working on the accounts on the computer. I said, "Yes, it's XX," and she said, "Oh, I know. My brother-in-law told me to come and pick up the check." I took the check without even checking it and left. When I went to the bank to deposit it, I realized the payee and amount were wrong. I was furious and had to go back. I said, "Hey beautiful, are you blind?
Whose check did you give me? Why is it only for so much money?" She took it and looked closely, then adorably slapped her forehead, revealing a pair of little tiger teeth and sticking out her tongue. I joked, "Your boss must be a bit of an idiot to hire you as finance. If your eyesight is bad, why don't you wear glasses?" She playfully replied, "Wouldn't I be less pretty with glasses?" I said, "You're not suited for the 'beautiful' look; the 'kawaii' look is more suitable." She smiled at me. Later, just to be safe, I added her on QQ, got her phone number, and
learned she had a very nice name: "Mei" (眉). Days passed, and we chatted occasionally. I learned that he had a boyfriend who was his college classmate and his first man. His family was local,
while his hometown was a big city in the north, my hometown too, haha. During that time, I was incredibly busy, sometimes so busy I didn't even have time to sleep, and I became artificially thin and dark-skinned. Once, Mei saw me and teased me, saying, "What's the point of earning so much money? Why don't you go for a beauty treatment? This is nothing like the dashing Mr. Zhang I first met!" I said, "Tell me where's a good beauty salon? Take me, I'll treat you." He made a face. My boyfriend would be furious if he knew; he's incredibly jealous. I said, "We didn't do anything wrong, just consider it a brother treating his sister."
The real turning point in our relationship came during an unexpected accident. One evening, I was taking a client out to dinner near Zhongshan Square. Passing an intersection, I saw a large crowd gathered around a Toyota Prado parked on the road with its hazard lights flashing. I kept honking my horn as I got closer before I saw her in the middle of the road. A slightly overweight man next to her was berating her, and there were two other men nearby also talking about her. I don't know what got into me, but seeing her made me feel incredibly uncomfortable.
I felt a pang of heartache. Without a word, I pulled over in the middle of the road and got out. I was driving a 2002 Audi A6, the kind with a rounded front and rear. I asked Mei what was wrong, and when she saw me, tears welled up in her eyes. It turned out the Land Cruiser was a military vehicle. Mei and her boyfriend were crossing the street on their way home. They were crossing normally at the zebra crossing, but the Land Cruiser made a right turn without looking at the signal. While trying to avoid him, Mei went up the curb and knocked down a road sign. They accused Mei of jaywalking and demanded she pay for the car. The slightly overweight man who kept berating her was her boyfriend. Her boyfriend had a common problem among Northeasterners:
he was domineering towards his women—the kind of person who's tough on his own women. I despise people like that. A man, no matter what happens outside, should prioritize protecting his woman. As the saying goes, "Discipline your son in front of others, scold your wife behind her back." Someone who doesn't even understand this basic principle is useless. Of course, I couldn't say anything like that out of respect for Mei. I just asked the Land Cruiser driver what he planned to do about it. If he had insurance, he should have filed a claim. How could he try to extort money from ordinary people? That driver was incredibly arrogant, asking me, "Who are you? Are you a traffic cop?
Do you even know what happened?" I never tolerate people like that, because that's what I did when I was in the armed police. I pointed my finger at him and yelled, "Fuck your mother! Which unit are you from? Who's your captain? I recognize the license plate!" I asked him, "Is your captain XX? Where is he? What's he doing? Who do you think you are, asking me questions like that? Don't act so high and mighty!" I did know their superiors, and the other driver, seeing my attitude, didn't know who I was and immediately softened his tone. "Get to the point, don't swear!" I said, "Fuck your mother! I'm retired now,
otherwise I would have already shut you up. You don't even know the simple principle of vehicles yielding to pedestrians, and you still have the nerve to talk about reason? I'll even fix your car! You've really spoiled yourselves rotten." At that moment, the traffic cop arrived and asked if that car was mine, saying it was obstructing traffic. If it wasn't the vehicle involved in the accident, he told me to move it to the side. I was being a bit cocky at the beginning, so
I pointed at the traffic cop and asked him, "A military vehicle hit someone, are you going to do anything about it? If you're not, pull over, I'll handle it." The cop asked what my relationship was with the person involved, and I said I was his brother. I turned to Mei and said, "You two go first, I'll handle the rest. Look at you, acting like a coward over something so small. Pathetic." Throughout the whole process, her boyfriend didn't say a word.
This made me despise this kind of man even more. The traffic cop came over and said a few words to the domineering driver, I don't know what they said. The driver came over to me and said, "Brother, that's settled then, you guys go first. I'll contact you if anything happens, leave the cop's phone number." The traffic cop also came over. I was furious. I said, "Leave your dick, if anything happens, just say so. I'm going back to check if my sister is okay,
if anything happens I'll contact you, and you're still contacting me." The traffic cop also slipped by and tried to reason with me, saying, "It's okay." "You guys go ahead, it's rush hour, look at the traffic jam, even the traffic cops are like dogs, bullying the weak and fearing the strong." I figured I'd already put on a show, swore at them, and while I hadn't really vented my anger, that was about it. What else could I do? I said, "You two get in the car, I'll take you home." His girlfriend then got all cocky, "Brother, you go ahead with your work, we'll be home in a bit." I figured there wasn't much to say to that kind of person, so I got in the car and left.
That evening at dinner, I received a text from Mei, basically thanking me and saying that she and her husband would treat me to dinner another day. I remember clearly replying with just three words, "No need," but from then on, there was an indescribable feeling between Mei and me, definitely more than friendship, but not quite romantic either. Because of our close collaboration with their company, we were often together. Sometimes when we were socializing at night, Mei would secretly text me,
telling me to drink less. I also often helped her out at the dinner table. Basically, I always get drunk at dinner parties where she's around, at least a pound of liquor and countless beers. Friends around us always feel like something's going on, but heaven knows there's really nothing between us. Sometimes, when the weather's about to change, I'll text him reminding him to wear more clothes and bring an umbrella. But I've never picked her up in the rain. Because he knows I have a family and children, and I know Mei has a boyfriend she's getting married to. We're both restraining our feelings, trying not to let them run wild.
In the summer, people in Dalian have a habit of swimming in the sea. Regardless of company size, the boss will usually take a day off to organize a trip to the beach. My company doesn't have many people; just the accountant is my aunt's sister, and then there's me. When their boss, who's also my friend, organized a company trip to Jinshitan, he called me. I declined, but then he called my wife and invited me to take her and the kids to the beach. I couldn't refuse, so the three of us, along with my sister, went on the trip with their company. We booked a villa and had a blast all night. Throughout the evening's dinner and even when we went swimming, Mei kept giving me strange looks. I can't quite put my finger on it, but I always felt awkward looking him in the eye. It was
just really uncomfortable. Later that night, he even toasted my wife with a beer. My wife is a seasoned drinker, and her family has a long history of strong drinking skills; I wouldn't be confident of winning against her in a one-on-one fight. After a few toasts, Mei couldn't take it anymore. I almost instinctively offered to drink it myself. Sigh, my wife trusts me completely, maybe she's been fooled by my good-guy image. She
kept telling me that the young woman seemed to have had too much to drink, and that I should take her home to rest. As she said this, Mei was staring directly at me; I caught it. But I couldn't meet her intense gaze. I didn't know how to respond, so I just gave a vague reply. We drank for another half hour. My wife kicked me under the table and said, "
Zhang XX, why are you so uncouth now? Where did all that smooth talk you had when you were pursuing me go? Can't you see Mei's already drunk? I asked you to take her home, and you're being so hesitant!" Seeing that things had gotten to this point, what could I say? I said, "Mei, get up. Let Brother Zhang take you home to rest." Mei, stubborn as ever, insisted she wasn't drunk and could still drink. This infuriated me. When no one was looking, I whispered "Be good" in her ear. It was like a spell; she immediately stopped struggling and said seriously, "Mr. Zhang, you don't need to help me; I can go home."
I followed her out of the table. Turning the corner at the rented villa, she reeked of alcohol and stared straight at me: "Zhang XX, do you even like me?" This was the first time I'd heard Mei call my name in all the time I'd known her. I didn't know how to answer. I could only say, "You've had too much to drink. Go get some sleep. I'll take you swimming in the sea tomorrow." She chuckled. "You don't even dare look me in the eye in front of your wife, yet you dare to swim with me. No wonder people call you 'Prince Consort.'" That nickname was just a joke among the guys, and it clearly meant to tease.
I really disliked it, but hearing it from her felt like an insult. I told her I liked her, that I'd always liked her a lot. I said she had a special quality about her that attracted me—her simplicity, cheerfulness, kindness, and lack of ambition were all admirable qualities that had always drawn me in. But I had a family, children. What was I supposed to do
? Mei said I was only now truly a man, the man she'd always imagined. I said I'd take it as drunken talk and go to sleep; I had to go home too. She turned and went upstairs, and I went back and drank myself into a stupor. I don't remember exactly how much I drank, but my wife said I kept throwing up, and my little one thought I smelled bad and wouldn't let me sleep with her.
Saying "I like you" was like breaking through a thin veil. Every day, I couldn't stop wanting to see Mei. The more I suppressed this feeling, the stronger it became, like I was bewitched. I think Mei felt the same way. About a month later, one evening, right after work, I received a text from Mei. Five
words: "Today is my birthday." Seeing this text, I felt a mix of emotions—excitement, happiness, and a deep sense of guilt. I didn't know how to reply
. While I hesitated, my wife called, telling me to go to her father's for dinner that night and to come early, bringing two bottles of good wine. Before I could think of a reply, I blurted out, "I have to have dinner with a client tonight, it'll be very late. You take the kids and stay there, don't come home. I don't know how late I'll drink." My wife didn't say anything, just reminded me, "At your age, don't drink yourself to death. If your health collapses, everything is meaningless." I nodded in agreement. As soon as I picked up the phone, I had a premonition that something was going to happen that night.
I called back, a conflicted mix of anticipation and guilt. I asked where she was, if it was convenient to have dinner with her that night. Mei said she was at work and asked me to pick her up. It felt like the intimate, natural feeling a wife has for her husband. I rushed to the mall and bought a set of the latest luxury cosmetics, then rushed to order a cake. I wanted to buy flowers,
but I'd never given flowers to a woman before, and I felt it was too unlike my style, so I didn't. I went to a hair salon for a wash and a shave. I felt like a naive young man in love, very conscious of his appearance. I almost went to get my car washed. Oh, I forgot to mention. At that time, I had just bought a new Range Rover, the latest model.
Mei helped me choose it online. She knew absolutely nothing about cars, just based on appearance. She said it was boxy, like a manly car, with a business feel, which suited me perfectly. The Cayenne is too flashy, like something a rich second-generation heir would drive. Buying that car would better suit my "princeling" image. Actually, I don't really like the Range Rover. I have a strong sense of national pride,
maybe because my family is all in the military. The Range Rover 2011 has Japanese, English, and even Arabic language options, but no Chinese operating system. It's clearly looking down on Chinese people. Even the navigation system is imported software that's been localized. I despise companies like that. But there's no way around it; Mei's words have a certain magic, and I unconsciously listened. I brought it back without really understanding what was going on.
By the way, let me say something unrelated: these days, business is like this—clothes make the man. No matter the quality of your project, no matter your status, the car you drive and the watch you wear are a reflection of your status. Even if you borrowed money to buy a car, if you drive a Mercedes or a Porsche, you're rich; if you drive a Camry, you're a wage earner. Especially in the construction industry, everyone drives a Jeep. Q7,
Range Rover, Cayenne, Touareg, X5, X6, GL550, etc., are they really needed on a construction site? It's all about appearances, frankly, just tools for making a living. How many people have been followed and chased by debt collectors while driving an X5? Who knows? Anyway, back to the point. When I met Mei downstairs, to be honest, I was a little nervous because she's so conspicuous. But this girl got into the car unhurriedly, carrying a bouquet of flowers. She playfully said to me, "I knew you wouldn't buy me flowers,
you're such a careless man. I bought them for you, give them to me." "Do I look pretty today?" Indeed, I think she's the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. Her fair skin is like an eggshell, her black hair is casually tied back, she's wearing a simple white t-shirt and
blue jeans. She really has a refreshing, lotus-like beauty. I took out the gift box I bought from behind and handed it to her, "Happy birthday, Mei. You look beautiful today." Mei took the gift, frowning, and asked me, "This cosmetic set must be expensive
, right? You can tell just by looking at the packaging." I almost vomited blood. I thought, "You could only afford this set if you didn't eat or drink for half a year." But I said it wasn't expensive. It's only my birthday once a year, and you even left your family to come and be with me. It's all my duty. Mei still frowned at me. "You don't understand me at all, and you don't care about me. When have you ever seen me wear makeup?
I only use a 30-yuan bottle of face wash. I don't even use Dabao (a popular Chinese skincare brand). And you bought me this kind of birthday gift. You should take it back and give it to your wife." I said, "That's not right. Every time I see you, you have a faint, pleasant fragrance, not the scent of cosmetics. You must wear perfume, right? This set has perfume in it, night-blooming jasmine." I teased her with half-closed eyes. She said, "You really don't understand women. My scent is just the smell of shampoo. You don't believe me? Smell it." As she spoke, she leaned closer to me. The moment I smelled it, I knew it was the scent of
hair , and I instantly got an erection. A really hard one. Mei took the opportunity to kiss me on the cheek, playfully saying, "Smells so good. You're not like yourself at all." My face immediately turned red, and she said, "You can even blush, haha." I said, "Tell me what you want to do. I'm having dinner with you, but your boyfriend will be calling you soon." Her eyes dimmed, and she said, "I'm breaking up with him right now. My boyfriend doesn't agree, he's threatening suicide. I don't know what to do." I could only pretend to be clueless and ask, "Why? Isn't your boyfriend very good to you?" Looking back now, pretending
to be clueless was really unmanly, showing no sense of responsibility, but I didn't know what to do. Whatever I did was wrong; this problem was unsolvable for me. Mei, however, was relentless, not intending to give me any face: "Why? Don't you know? I'll tell you later at dinner. Drive, driver, take this lady to Western food. Drink red wine."
Over the past few years, I've become quite familiar with restaurants, especially around Zhongshan Square. I know there's a place that makes amazing steaks, an all-you-can-eat buffet for 788 RMB per person. I won't mention the name to avoid advertising, but it's very close, a two-minute drive. After parking, she got out and naturally took my arm, which I accepted with immense happiness.
It truly felt like being back in the days of our youthful first love. I'm not trying to act young. I was actually thinking of showing off by opening a bottle of Lafite. While I'm not exactly a big boss now, I can afford most things. But she stopped me, very seriously. "All-you-can-eat buffets are so expensive. Don't they have unlimited free wine? Let's drink that.
I don't know how to taste it anyway. Go show off to your clients if you have the money. I don't need it." Mei is always like this; she always manages to bring me back to reality when I'm feeling cocky. Sigh, so frustrating. Before I knew it, we'd drunk seven glasses of red wine, the big stemmed glasses. I drank four, and she drank three.
During that time, I received four phone calls, and she called countless times, but she didn't answer any of them. I said, "Mei, I didn't know you didn't wear makeup. This gift is a failure. I'll take you to buy an iPhone later. Look, every fashionable girl has one these days. Although I don't use one, I
know Apple just released a 4s. Everyone on the street uses it. You're such a pretty girl, and you're still using a crappy Nokia phone with a broken keypad. Be good, okay? I'll feel bad if I don't give you something." Mei smiled at me. "I use my phone like you, Boss Zhang. As long as it rings, that's enough. Other functions are useless to me, and besides, I don't like that kind of phone. If you really want to give me a birthday present, just turn off your phone, okay? I'll turn mine off too. Tonight, you belong only to me, and
I belong only to you." My phone is never turned off. I always keep a fully charged phone in my car. Because I hate the feeling of not being able to reach someone, just like when I'm on a date, no matter who I'm with, I'm always 10 minutes early. I'm never late.
This is a long-standing habit of mine, and it's hard to change. I could only say, "Silly girl, here's the deal, I won't answer anyone's calls tonight. But I can't turn off my phone; I'll just keep it on silent so I know who's been calling." She shrugged and said, "Whatever." After we'd eaten enough, I asked her if she wanted to go to a bar or karaoke. She replied, "You only know how to make money, you're such a vulgar person, so vulgar." I said, "I want to see the stars. Take me to the seaside road to see the stars. It's so beautiful outside tonight, the stars must be amazing." I asked, "Are you wearing glasses? Can you tell
which is a star and which is a streetlamp?" She said, "Ugh." I said, "Since you've made this request, we'll have to drive. If we get caught drunk driving, you can go and be detained for me." She said very seriously, "Don't even mention detention, I'd drive you from the mountain to the sea, I'd go with you." I was touched
. I didn't care; if we got caught, it would just be a matter of money. The distance from Zhongshan Square to the seaside road is very short, less than 10 kilometers. Along the way, there were many cars parked in many dark places. I blurted out, "Look, aren't all those people out 'having affairs'?" As soon as I said it, I regretted it. Her face darkened, no longer as excited as before. She asked me, "Do you think we're having an affair?" I wouldn't lie, and I certainly didn't want to deceive her.
I could only give a noncommittal chuckle. Thankfully, Mei didn't press me further. The car drove to a place called Fairy Cave, a parking lot. I parked by the sea. We opened the sunroof and gazed at the stars in the sky—it was truly beautiful. I suddenly realized I'd been too busy, too tired, and hadn't had a proper rest. I'd never noticed such enchanting scenery around me. Mei began telling me about how she and her boyfriend studied together in school, ate together, and studied together. They had planned to live their lives like that. But then they met me.
I've disrupted her entire life. She has no appetite for watching TV, eating, or strolling around with her boyfriend. Everywhere she goes, she sees my shadow, and the longer they're together, the stronger this feeling becomes. I asked her what attracted her to me, and her answer was as concise as mine: a man, responsible, and resolute. She felt I was the man she could rely on. I thought to myself, if I were responsible, I wouldn't have let myself fall into the vortex of an extramarital affair. But I never said it aloud. She turned and leaned close to me,
saying she wanted to kiss me. I hesitated for a moment, then pulled her close, kissing her deeply, like a work of art. Tonight, we belong to each other. After tonight, I'll give you ample time to consider our future; I respect every choice you make. The sweet taste of his breath still lingered on my tongue. I held her tightly in my arms, and we drove to the hotel in that position. I said, "Let's splurge a little. I've never booked a hotel room before. Let's find the most luxurious hotel in Dalian, book the most luxurious room, and have some romance."
When we arrived at the hotel and entered, it was just the two of us, which felt a little awkward, and we both felt a bit lost. Mei said to me very seriously, "Actually, I'm not completely ready to give myself to you. Because you have a family, a career, and money. My parents taught me from a young age that you shouldn't break up other people's families. I don't want people to think I'm a gold digger, or a despised mistress. If you didn't have a family, I'd rather you were penniless. I could accompany you to the market every day, and cook
for you when we got back to our rented apartment. I wanted to be with you, building our future together, little by little. Your personality and your patience mean you'll succeed at whatever you do. I'm willing to be with you, wash your smelly socks and underwear when we get home, and iron your shirts perfectly before you leave. But unfortunately, everything can't be rewound." Hearing this, I could only tell the truth: we've come this far together, and I haven't thought about what to do next. If I didn't love you this much, I wouldn't have such a heavy burden on my conscience. If it were just wishful thinking...
I don't know what to do in the future. If I'm a man who abandons his wife and children, is it worth it for you to treat me like this? I want to do everything you say, just thinking about it makes me happy. But if I do this, how will my wife and children accept this reality? People are selfish creatures. Before anything happens, it's not too late to regret it. I can give you everything I have, everything I possess, but I can't give you a complete family. I can disregard what others think of me, but I can't be so heartless to my wife and children…
Before I could finish speaking, Mei covered my mouth. "Don't say anything more, turn around." I obediently turned around. I heard Mei taking off her clothes behind me. I involuntarily got an erection again. This was one of the countless times I'd gotten an erection that night. She hugged me from behind, telling me not to look down at her, her face flushed, and said, "Do you love me?" I smiled awkwardly,
forcing out a mosquito-like sound from my throat: "I…you…" The words "I love you" remained unspoken. I touched her smooth skin, her back, her chest—just the right size to hold in one hand. Two alluring breasts stood erect on her snow-white skin, topped with tiny pink nipples. Her skin was the only one I'd ever seen that could rival my wife's—so smooth, white, elastic, radiating youthful vitality. Below was a sparse patch of pubic hair; when I touched it, it was dry, I don't know why. Like a wife welcoming her triumphant husband home, she
slowly unbuttoned my shirt, pressing her chest tightly against mine, warm. I could no longer control myself; even the most resolute man can't resist such behavior from the woman he loves. I violently pinned her down, using my rock-hard penis to find the entrance I'd always dreamed of. The instant I entered, we both
let out a long, simultaneous "Ah!"—as if a thousand years of waiting had culminated in this moment of perfect union. We released our passion with all our might. After a few thrusts, I could feel the slippery, hot love juice flowing out from my lower body. It was incredibly slippery and incredibly tight, even tighter than during masturbation. I could only last a maximum of five minutes before I was about to ejaculate. Mei seemed to sense my urge and said to me tenderly, "Give it all to me,
I want all of you." She pressed down hard on my buttocks to prevent me from pulling out. In a moment of impulse, I ejaculated all of myself inside her. She trembled and growled, "I love you, I love you with all my heart. I want you to remember me forever, to always keep me in the deepest part of your heart." I nodded frantically, feeling hot tears welling up in my eyes. I
had been taught from a young age that men don't easily shed tears. I desperately suppressed my emotions. We took a bath together. He filled the tub with water, sprinkled it with flower petals, and she carefully washed my entire body. I said to him, "Kiss me." She shyly kissed me on the cheek. I said, "Not here, where?" Her face immediately turned red, and she said, "I don't know how." To my shame,
my wife is a doctor, and female doctors seem to have a thing for cleanliness. Every time I make this request to her, she scolds me for being shameless and indecent. She says I'm always learning those shady things outside, leaving me in a dilemma. My wife has never fulfilled this request. Only prostitutes offer such services, but I don't care for those. Mei, blushing, said to me, "I didn't give you my first time, but I'm willing to give you my last. Tonight, I'm yours." Then she actually grabbed my penis and put it in her mouth,
which hurt! I told her to take it slow, just like kissing me. She really listened and "kissed" me very seriously, like a proper kiss. I think this is about the limit of her emotional response; I can't expect anything more significant. I picked Mei up and put her on the bed again. We made love three times that night, and I ejaculated inside her each time. Mei said this was an opportunity for both of us. If I chose to give up, she wouldn't bother me no matter what. If I chose to live with her, she would have five children for me until she couldn't have any more.
The next morning, I got up and took her to work. She truly acted like a wife, neatly arranging all my clothes by my bedside and dressing me piece by piece. "I'll give you a month to think it over. Don't tell me your choice. I'll be waiting for you on the seaside road on your birthday. If you appear, I will fulfill all my promises;
if you don't, I will disappear from your life forever. This relationship is our best memory." I nodded firmly. Sadly, I didn't have the courage to face my own heart. I didn't have the courage to abandon my loving wife, my baby, and my family. As a man, I couldn't live such a selfish life. I didn't go on my birthday; I chose to run away. I entrusted my best friend to me, telling him everything. My only request to my brother was that he keep her by my side. I would take care of her,
protect her, and watch her get married, have children, and live a happy life. My brother said very seriously, "Have you thought about it? This kind of life might be even more painful torture for Mei. The best way to forget someone is time, and also, don't disturb her life." I knew my brother was right, but I just couldn't let her go. I handed him a card and told him the PIN.
This card contained the project funds I had just received, at least 800,000 yuan. I wanted her to be able to buy a house, so that she would have a safe haven if she ever suffered any misfortune. He insisted I accept the money; kindness is priceless. He told me to call him anytime if I needed anything, and that my phone would always be on for him, never changing its number. My brother left with his mission. Right there at my birthday party, surrounded by three tables of family and friends, she called: "Happy birthday! You're my only man, I love you. I received the money. Don't come looking for me again.
Once I leave Dalian, I will never have any connection with you again. Live well, be yourself, love life, love your family, and remember me. Drink less. If it's convenient, say 'I love you' as a farewell." I hummed in agreement, unable to speak further. Then the phone went dead… I drank three bottles of Wuliangye that night. I was completely drunk and unconscious, and my wife spent a week on IV drips at the hospital. Just before the National Day holiday, I received a wire transfer notification; the number 879515 will forever be etched in my memory. There was only one message accompanying the transfer:
Love isn't a number. Seeing this text message, tears streamed down my face; I couldn't control my emotions. I wanted to tell you these three words I should have said long ago, but could never bring myself to say: I love you, Mei. Are you doing well in that distant land? You are deeply etched in my life, never to disappear. Perhaps we will meet again on some street corner in the future. Be happy…
The End

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Eyebrows, My Love for You Will Never Be Known (Author: Chiming Gaoke)

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