The pain of first love (short story by chunyou2013)

page views:1 Publication date:2023-03-23

This story is entirely fictional. Readers should not expect it to be true, nor should they try to identify with it personally.
Epigraph: I like this quote from Eileen Chang: "Life is like a beautiful robe, crawling with lice."
I. Acquaintance
After graduating from university, I came to unfamiliar Beijing and became a technician at an internet company. At the time, I lived in a dilapidated apartment building in Xisi Hutong, sharing with a colleague. My colleague was a project manager, a typical workaholic, often working overtime until the early hours of the morning. While I was half-asleep or frantically flirting with girls on QQ, the reckless thumping of his big leather shoes echoed down the corridor.
My job was relatively easy, a 9-to-5 life. When I had nothing to do, I would chat and joke around with my online friends. During that time, I met a manager at an internet cafe. He heard I majored in computer science and was very impressed with me. He said he had started working right after high school and even wanted to become my apprentice. He even treated me to a meal at a street food stall. We drank half a dozen beers with the barbecue. I could tell he was sincere, so I taught him a few tricks. This guy wasn't very bright; he didn't understand after I explained, so I said I'd have to teach him step-by-step. He agreed and told me to come to his internet cafe sometime. I said I'd think about it later.
This guy was a total womanizer; he wasn't good at learning, but he was a master at picking up girls. He wasn't very knowledgeable, but he was tall, handsome, and sunny. Unless you chatted with him, you'd never guess he was such a clueless idiot. We'd
only known each other for a short time when he told me on QQ that he wanted to introduce me to a girlfriend. I said I already had a girlfriend, and he said, "Don't be ridiculous. The other day when you were drunk, you said your girlfriend married someone else." I was stunned. I didn't remember telling him that at all. I remembered never telling anyone, because that girl had never admitted to anyone that we were dating. We were just dating secretly for a while, and then she married a guy who was much better off than me. This made me depressed for a while,
but then it gradually faded. I once seriously asked myself if I had ever loved her. I realized it wasn't really love, because soon after, like my few pathetic one-night stands, her memory became hazy, unable to recall any unforgettable details. In that sense, I've never truly been in love. Although I'm no longer a virgin physically, I'm still a virgin psychologically. Is it a bit shameless of me to say this? Oh right
, I haven't introduced him yet. This guy's name is Liu Xinpeng, also from out of town, 21 this year, two years younger than me. He looks quite energetic, with a bright, sunny smile, but inside he's a lecherous scoundrel. He's always scheming to get girls into bed. Taking advantage of the internet cafe, he's harassed countless naive young girls and lonely young women. But he's still single, without any relatives or friends. He often laments that fate is too cruel to him, that God won't even give him a wife.
I said, "What if you had a wife and still hooked up with other women?" He said he couldn't guarantee it. I said, "Who could stay with someone like you?" He said he definitely wants to find someone young, beautiful, and rich. I said, "Keep dreaming." He said that wasn't certain, maybe he'd bring me one someday.
A few days later, on a late autumn weekend afternoon, I was fast asleep, daydreaming. His phone call woke me up, telling me he was at the Baren Beef Restaurant downstairs. He wanted me to come down, saying he'd brought a girl to introduce me. I groggily got up, washed my face, slipped on a pair of foam slippers, wore a tattered crew-neck t-shirt and shorts, and went downstairs. That was the first time I met A-Chen, and from then on, my life changed.
She was a girl with clear eyes, a slight blush on her face, and dressed in a neat student outfit. She smiled sweetly and greeted me. Liu Xinpeng loudly called the waiter for a few more bottles of beer. I knew this guy wanted me to pay the bill. I didn't say anything, just asked the girl's name and school. She said she was studying hotel management at a tourism college, 17 years old, a freshman. She also said her family was from Beijing. I said okay, and that my sister could call me if she needed anything. Then we started clinking glasses. The girl drank it down very readily, which impressed me.
I was on an exceptionally good night, drinking quite easily and telling a few jokes that made Liu Xinpeng laugh like a fool. The girl also covered her mouth and laughed. Later, as we drank more and more, the girl started to feel the effects. It was getting dark, and Liu Xinpeng was clearly drunk, but he still insisted on bringing some beer to my place. I said, "Let's forget it, let's do it another day." He insisted, and I realized that arguing with a drunkard was pointless, so I just went along with it.
Back at my two-bedroom apartment, Liu Xinpeng complimented how tidy my room was. I said, "That's just how I am." The girl tilted her head, smiled, and didn't say anything. So we continued drinking in my room. Gradually, he was about to pass out, so I had to help him to my roommate's room, throw him on the bed, and he was completely unconscious. My roommate went back to her hometown for the weekend (I'm the author, so this is how it was arranged, whatever), so I didn't feel guilty at all.
The girl was chatting on QQ on my computer in my room, and I was watching from the side. That's when I finally had a chance to observe her from the side, and I noticed that her breasts were quite well-developed, looking somewhere between a C and D cup. I stole a couple of glances,
then felt guilty and didn't dare look again. The girl didn't look at me, casually typing a few lines on the keyboard occasionally, with a faint smile on her lips. I paced around the room a couple of times, and suddenly realized that not seizing such a good opportunity would make me a beast. So, I awkwardly went over, pretending to watch her chat, my heart pounding, and reached out to stroke her hair. She didn't flinch or say anything. I mustered up my courage and kissed the top of her head. She shifted slightly, seemingly a little uneasy, paused for a moment, and murmured, "Wait, just a moment..." I stood helplessly beside her, my mind blank. She hesitated, then closed QQ, lowered her head to think for a moment, then stood up, draped her arm over my shoulder, and looked at me with bright, sparkling eyes. Only then did I realize how incredibly young she was, with a baby-like complexion and a very young appearance
. Yet, I also saw a hint of sorrow in her eyes, something clearly not a child's. Before I could think further, her soft, full lips were close to mine. I touched them lightly, and nothing had ever moved me like this. In the cool autumn night, I heard her breathy, ethereal whispers, and I savored this delicacy. Her nimble tongue entwined with mine, driving me both intoxicated and mad.
Her short skirt and thin clothes were effortlessly pulled down. As I groped her, about to explore her bra, she suddenly grabbed my hand tightly, panting, her eyes struggling to clear from their daze as she looked at me and asked, "I heard your girlfriend dumped you." I was taken aback and nodded.说：“这很丢脸吗”她不好意思地笑着轻轻摇了摇头，说：“没有啊，可是你没问我有没有男朋友。”我忽然觉得应该不好意思的是我自己，于是就问了句：“那你有男朋友吗”她咬了咬嘴唇，犹豫了下，
说：“有的啊。”我一愣，心说，我真是个禽兽。没想到她接着低声嘀咕说：“他是个混蛋。”这回轮到我傻了，想接着问：“那你爱他吗”可又一想，这么问一个被你压在身下的漂亮女孩，那是不是很欠揍再说多一事不如少一事，反正你又没想跟人家处对象，问那么多干嘛呀这么一想，心下就释然了，于是勇敢地一把拉下了她的肩带……一只白花花、跳跃着的乳峰带着引诱灵魂堕落的颤抖和涌动，在我的面前完美呈现。初萌的粉红色的乳头在浅色的乳晕中间娇嫩地挺立。

My mouth was dry, my breathing labored, and my uncontrollable, sinful hand reached out and grasped that perfect object. Clothes were carelessly tossed aside, and in that moment of skin-to-skin contact, her soft, smooth body, carrying the coolness of the autumn night, felt like drinking sweet spring water. I dared not breathe loudly, only letting out soft sighs, seemingly from the depths of my soul, as I held her waist tightly and rubbed my face between her breasts.
The room was dark, the computer screen flickering with shifting light; night had fallen, and the beauty was like a dream, ethereal yet real. I felt her full thighs pressed tightly against my waist; her nervousness was evident. As my hand roamed over her body, I felt her involuntary throbbing. I didn't look at her genitals; I didn't want to be so lewd, afraid of being disliked, but I could feel that her skin below was so delicate, the soft, fine hairs pitifully sparse. Actually…
I was already painfully hard. But I couldn't bear to treat her roughly. So I gently caressed her, feeling her body gradually relax, becoming soft and compliant. Her breathing grew warmer, her soft moans seeming to come from the other side of her soul. I felt her lower body gradually becoming wet, her eyes already glazed over. So I slowly entered her, very gently, yet I still saw her brow furrow, her expression tense. It was so tight, every inch of entry was difficult. Just as I was about to go all the way in,
I realized I had reached her softest, deepest part. "Stop, stop..." she pleaded softly and urgently. I dared not continue. After a while, she caught her breath, less tense, looked at me apologetically, and whispered, "It's okay, it's alright, just be gentle." I held her, she nestled in my arms like a docile lamb. I slowly and gently entered and exited her body, her passion gradually igniting. When she involuntarily pulled me closer, I responded passionately,
lifting her from the bed and standing beside it like I was holding a child. Her legs wrapped around my waist, her arms tightly around me. I suddenly felt incredibly powerful, so my movements became more vigorous. She let out a breathtaking moan and offered her lips. I couldn't hold back any longer and ejaculated, a torrent of pleasure. She was startled and held me still, motionless.
I slumped down, glancing at the shy face of the still-passionate girl, feeling deeply remorseful. "I'm sorry, wait, let's continue..." I tried to explain, to ease the awkwardness. Unexpectedly, she reached out and wrapped her arms around my neck, pressing her face against my chest, sighing, "It's alright, that's good enough..." I was deeply moved. I held her and said many tender words to her. I'm actually not good at sweet-talking girls, but for some reason, with this girl, the cheesy words I could never say normally flowed out uncontrollably like a stream, making me wonder if my mouth was even on my own head.
In the middle of the night , when Liu Xinpeng from next door came shuffling over asking for water, the girl, Achen, was already dressed and sitting at my computer desk, engrossed in a game. I was in the kitchen cooking porridge for a late-night snack. Everything was as if nothing had happened. He was still dazed and drunk. But after finishing his snack, as he put his arm around Achen's waist and left, I thought I saw him wink at me. I wasn't sure if I was seeing things. I believed I was seeing things. He really was drunk.
II. Old Flame
Later, I didn't see Achen for a long time. This beautiful girl disappeared like air, as if she had never appeared in my life. Liu Xinpeng also mentioned her; he told me he hadn't seen her again either. “She wasn’t on QQ, maybe she was invisible,” he said. After leaving me that night, they went to a hotel. “Guess how many times I ejaculated that day?” I said listlessly, “Once, I guess.” “Five times!” he said excitedly. “I couldn’t get up all morning,
my back is about to break.” I glanced at this guy’s tall, muscular build, easily over 180 pounds. I’d seen his penis when we were bathing together at the public bathhouse; even when it wasn’t erect, it was more than an inch longer than mine. I couldn’t even imagine what it was like when he was messing with that young girl, A-Chen. So I just thought he was bragging. I told myself he wasn’t telling the truth, he was just bragging.
I told myself I hadn’t fallen in love with A-Chen; she was just someone who passed through my life, appeared and disappeared. Life goes on, no one will do anything for anyone else. Life is a constant repetition, and repetition makes people feel at ease,
gives people a sense of security. This kind of life suits someone like me. Although I occasionally hope for some changes in my life, for some unusual things to happen, and even anticipate such things to occur, I don't pursue them or try to make them happen. That would make me feel surrounded by danger and leave me terrified. I prefer a stable and unchanging life, like it is now.
However, you can never predict what will happen in the future, not even the next second, just as I couldn't predict the call from a flashing icon on my QQ. It was a friend of mine, someone I never knew I had, who stood out among my many female friends and extended a passionate invitation to me. "I'm Achen," she introduced herself.
I didn't know she had added herself to my friend list when she was using my computer that day. She didn't say anything at the time, and I don't know what she was thinking. But I believe she just wanted to be friends with me, and even considered being one of her casual sex partners, an idea stemming from Liu Xinpeng's account of what happened late that night. I can't be sure if what
he said was true or just his wishful thinking, and I'm too embarrassed to verify it. So, I was confused and bewildered by A-Chen's call.
What happened next was still beyond my expectations. On a dark and windy night, I hailed a taxi and pulled A-Chen, reeking of smoke, out of a dingy internet cafe. She slicked back her hair a few times, making her look somewhat presentable. Then she clung to my arm and wouldn't let go.
Back in my room, I gently held her, wiping away her slowly flowing tears. She rested her head on my arm, and I listened as she rambled on about her messy life.
Her boyfriend was her high school classmate's cousin, a small business owner with some money. They had been dating for over two years since they met in high school. He was good to her at first, but then his true colors were revealed. He got entangled with some shady women. A-Chen's father was a law enforcement official, a leader of some rank. He was usually very strict with A-Chen, only becoming more independent after she went to university. Of course, A-Chen couldn't stand her boyfriend's behavior and had argued with him several times,
but to no avail. When things got really bad, he disappeared. Ah Chen had no choice but to let him be. But this girl was spoiled and arrogant by nature. She felt very unbalanced. That guy was quite good at making girls happy; he would buy Ah Chen things whenever he had free time, buying expensive things without batting an eye. He also took Ah Chen on trips everywhere; last summer, he even drove his Q7 to Yunnan. It was clear he cared a lot about Ah Chen. This made the girl very conflicted and conflicted. She couldn't bear to give up the relationship, yet she couldn't accept that bastard's indecent behavior. She couldn't control him, and she couldn't let go. So she tormented herself.
I understood; I had taken advantage of her vulnerability. How utterly shameless! Ashamed, yet unable to let go of the delicate girl in my arms, I could only pretend to comfort her, taking advantage of the situation. In the heat of passion, we became one. I performed exceptionally well this time, fighting continuously for nearly three hours until dawn, finally climaxing for the third time amidst the girl's pleas for mercy. Then, two lost young souls found solace in each other's company, two young bodies embracing, comforting each other as they drifted off to sleep.
From that day on, I became the girl's scapegoat. She would come to me every few days to complain, always about her unreliable boyfriend. My duty was to listen, but I never offered her any advice. This was because I adhered to the principle of "better to tear down a temple than to break up a marriage." I always cursed that guy as a bastard, but never suggested they break up. At the same time, I didn't try to reconcile them, because in my opinion, that guy was simply not good enough for our A-Chen.
Who knows how A-Chen became so bewitched by that guy, so completely infatuated. It was truly a love-hate relationship, a complex mix of emotions… Thinking about this, I suddenly understood something: isn't this what they call love? I've heard people say that love and hate are always intertwined. So, it's an undeniable fact that Achen loves her boyfriend.
After discovering this, I suddenly felt inexplicably depressed. All the gods and Buddhas in the sky vanished, leaving only a wisp of listless cloud. I realized that behind this fact lay my own nefarious and unspeakable plans; deep down, I had feelings for the girl.
Realizing this, I was shocked by myself. This was too much! It couldn't be possible. But I knew that I was secretly hoping for that impossible "what if." If Achen knew my true feelings, she would definitely ignore me. If Liu Xinpeng found out, I would never be able to hold my head up in front of him again. That guy still doesn't know about Achen's reappearance after disappearing.
Oh no, I feel like I'm getting caught in a dangerous vortex and I need to get out quickly, or my future will be bleak. Just as I was racking my brains for a way out, the little avatar on QQ started flashing and beckoning to me again. "Brother, I don't have homework this weekend, where should we go
?" That afternoon, we went to a dimly lit dance hall. Amidst the frenetic music, I watched in astonishment as the well-behaved girl, Chen, transformed into a wildly energetic disco dancer. I had never witnessed such incredible flexibility in her body. Our few times of making love had always been in dim lighting, and each time she would hide in my arms, enjoying my endless caresses, making her seem like such a good girl. In the dance hall, she climbed onto the stage, unleashing a series of dazzling
spins, splits, and incredible twists and turns, eliciting screams and cheers from the entire audience! She had never told me she had received excellent dance training since childhood, but at that moment, even though I was dance illiterate, I could tell she was the best dancer there, without a doubt.
That evening, after showering, I held the shy girl from behind in bed, breathing into her ear, my hands caressing her full, soft breasts, softly praising her dance moves and body. Then, as she smiled contentedly... As she turned to me, I took one of her beautiful legs in my arms. She obediently lifted her leg, then higher, until her small, delicate feet were pressed against her ear. My heart pounded wildly. She wouldn't let me turn on the overhead light, only allowing me to use a dim bedside lamp each time, and even during the day, she would draw the curtains. Deep down, she was a shy girl. Even so, her body shape still intensely aroused me. I felt myself trembling, and my erection seemed harder and thicker than usual, fueling my burning desire.
That night, I was so ecstatic. She kept performing unexpected and difficult moves, making my blood boil and leaving me unable to control myself. Seeing my astonished expression, she couldn't help but cover her mouth and laugh, then moaned and cried out amidst my vigorous movements. In the morning, after she left, I lay in bed for a long time. I knew I had fallen. I had fallen into this little girl's emotional trap. From now on, if she said east, I would go east; if she said west, I would go west
. There's absolutely no certainty in this relationship. I don't know if I even have a place in her heart. I know her jerk boyfriend hurt her deeply, but he also gave her a lot—yes, a lot. Maybe there was affection, maybe even love, I don't know. What I can't understand is how you can love someone and then hurt them. It doesn't make sense. So I don't think that guy really loves Achen. But he did buy Achen a lot of things—

expensive bags, jewelry, necklaces, things I can't afford. I feel like an idiot, a poor wretch. How could I be worthy of her? So I became very self-destructive, and for a while, I deliberately avoided her, making her very unhappy. But she didn't seem to care much; she just let it go after her anger subsided, without arguing or making a scene. This made me feel even more lost. During the
Spring Festival, my workplace had a long holiday, and I used my accumulated annual leave to go back to my hometown for the New Year. My parents introduced me to someone—an accountant at a state-owned enterprise,

very down-to-earth and good-looking. I didn't say yes. I didn't say I disagreed, I wanted to see how things went, but I was thinking about Achen, so I had some reservations. We'd occasionally call each other, go out for dinner, see a movie, etc. When we held hands, I felt a little uneasy. The girl was very generous, not in a hurry, and seemed very patient. She listened to me ramble on and on without arguing, and occasionally we'd talk about topics she was interested in. I felt she was very well-read, practically knowledgeable about everything under the sun; I guessed I might have met someone impressive. Marrying her would be a disaster.

After the holiday, back in Beijing, when I contacted Achen, she
always seemed very busy. I asked if she was back with her boyfriend. She said, "How could that be? I almost made her jump off a building the other day." I said, "Don't worry, tell me what's wrong." She said, "Didn't you go back to your hometown to find someone?" I was shocked; she even knew that! Later I found out she used my QQ account to access my social media profile and saw my hidden things… This was terrifying!
I called her to ask her out, but she said she was busy. I joked, "Did you find someone else?" My male confidant said, "Why are you looking for someone? You guys are all the same." I said, "But there are exceptions, right?" She didn't say anything, then after a while, she said, "I had dinner with Liu Xinpeng a few days ago." My heart skipped a beat, and I casually asked, "What happened after dinner?" She didn't answer and hung up. I felt utterly dejected, as if something had been stabbed in my heart, a dull ache, and I was incredibly agitated. So I went to find Liu Xinpeng,
and when I saw him, I said, "Let's go, I'll treat you to drinks." He happily scurried off to me... We found a small restaurant and started drinking. After a few drinks, he told me, with a sly look on his face, that he'd recently seen that girl, Chen. He looked me in the eye, watching my reaction. I was prepared, so I just grunted and looked back. He stared at me for a while, then said he'd noticed that girl had been up to no good lately, meeting up with several people she met online. I asked how he knew, and he said he'd hacked her account, but hadn't done anything, just looked at her chat history. I said, "Don't just guess," and he swore it was absolutely true.
I smiled and said, "Even if it is..." "Really? It's not illegal." I added, "But hacking accounts is illegal." This guy shamelessly said, "If you don't tell her, she won't know." Coincidentally, his phone rang at that moment. He looked at the number and laughed, saying, "Speak of the devil, and he appears!" So he told Achen he was drinking with me. Then he said "oh" twice and hung up,
telling me Achen to come over later. I was puzzled; I had called her earlier and she wasn't coming. Was she coming for this guy? A little while later, Achen arrived, her eyes red... She was clearly crying. When asked, she said she'd just had dinner with her boyfriend and his colleagues. One of his female colleagues was at the table, and she knew the woman was having an affair with her boyfriend, but she'd been holding back.
Later, seeing them getting increasingly agitated after a few drinks, even flirting, she couldn't help but complain a bit, which led to her boyfriend yelling at her. Feeling humiliated, she ran away crying. Liu Xinpeng and I were furious and wanted to confront the guy. Just then, Achen's phone rang; it was her boyfriend, worried something had happened to her. She was looking for her everywhere. In her anger, she simply hung up the phone.
Immediately afterward, other people from her boyfriend's company called one after another. Helpless, she had to tell one of them that she was fine and having dinner with friends at xxx restaurant. Less than ten minutes later, two cars pulled up outside, and a group of men and women came in. It was truly the first time I'd met Achen's boyfriend. He was a rather composed young man, neither particularly handsome nor unattractive.
He immediately apologized to Achen, then lowered his stance and spoke to her... "Let's go back, I'll apologize when we get back." A-Chen was still angry, glancing at me and Liu Xinpeng. Liu Xinpeng swung his arm and said, "How could you bully A-Chen like that? If this happens again, don't say I didn't warn you, I won't be so polite today." A guy in a plaid shirt who came with them got angry, rolling up his sleeves and saying, "How dare you talk to our boss like that? So disrespectful!" I was also furious, and I threw a beer in the guy's face.
The guy was quick; he came over... A fist punched me in the stomach, and I collapsed to the floor, unable to catch my breath. As I was being shoved onto the table, I saw Liu Xinpeng, that big oaf, being pinned down on another table by Achen's boyfriend. Achen, who had been sitting there silently, snorted, grabbed her bag, and started to leave. They kicked me a couple of times, and then the group followed Achen out in a noisy swarm.
This was incredibly embarrassing. But Liu Xinpeng, being thick-skinned and oblivious, didn't seem to care and was able to sit down and continue drinking. I wasn't as shameless as him, and I felt a little embarrassed. He advised me that Chen had cheated on that guy quite a bit, so we weren't at a loss. I sensed something was off about him, but I couldn't argue, so I just drank with him in silence. It was incredibly frustrating.
I maintained a lukewarm relationship with Chen, and my relationship with the female accountant at home was progressing slowly. One day, the accountant said her company was sending people to a meeting in Beijing, and she was one of them. I said, "Great, when are you coming?" She said, "Tomorrow afternoon." I said, "Then let's have a meal this afternoon."
I asked her to dinner tonight, and she agreed. So, I took the next day off from work and planned to go out and buy a shirt after work; I'd been looking rather sloppy lately and didn't have a single decent piece of clothing. But as soon as I left the company, I received a call from Achen, asking me to go to a bar with her. I told her that place was too expensive, and I couldn't afford it. She said it was okay, she'd treat me. I said that wouldn't be right. But I couldn't resist her sweet talk and gave in. We drank until midnight, and when we got back to my place, it had been a long time since we'd done "that," so naturally, we had a lot of sweet nothings. After a long night, I opened my eyes the next morning to find the sun already high in the sky, and Achen was still nestled beside me like a kitten, not yet awake. I rubbed my eyes, thinking about yesterday's events, and the more I thought about it, the more something seemed off.
Achen and her boyfriend weren't broken up, so why was she always coming to my place? Could it be that she was wavering, considering choosing between me and her boyfriend? I didn't dare think about it anymore, so I told myself, "Don't get your hopes up." Recalling her grumbling about her boyfriend's recent affairs while we were drinking yesterday, I felt sorry for this young girl.
Just as I was furtively trying to touch her again in the morning light, she woke up, swatted my hand away, turned around with a sweet smile, and said, "Brother, I'm awake." Then she added, "Brother, I'm hungry." So I had no choice but to get up and prepare breakfast. She got up with a smile, washed up, and got dressed. While eating breakfast, I suddenly had a pang of conscience and advised her, "Don't argue with your husband anymore; he's actually quite good to you." She rolled her eyes at me and said, "What, you

're tired of playing around? Want to dump me?" I said, "How about we get together?" She laughed and said, "If you buy a house and a car in Beijing, then we can be together." I said, "That'll be a long time coming." She laughed for a while and said, "Actually, he's not a bad person. He's much better to me than he is to those other women. I know he's sincere, but I just hate how much of a womanizer he is." Now it's gotten to the point where he doesn't even hide his affairs from me. I don't know how much longer I can hold out. She was almost in tears as she spoke. I was speechless. I opened my mouth and stammered for a while, then suddenly remembered the female accountant was coming that afternoon, so I said, "Come with me to buy some clothes
later." She said okay, then asked curiously, "Why do you suddenly want to buy clothes?" I said someone from my hometown was coming. She smiled and asked, "Is your boyfriend coming over?" I was truly speechless. How can women be so perceptive? I touched my nose and said yes, then blurted out a particularly annoying question: "How about we have dinner together tonight?" Then I saw Ah Chen's face turn pale, and she stared blankly, refusing to eat. I realized I'd said the wrong thing. I really knew how to rub salt in the wound. After sitting for a while, Ah Chen composed herself, got up, put on her clothes, grabbed her bag, and left.
Two hours later, she came back with four shirts, forcing me to try them all on. She picked out the one she liked best and said, "Wear this one." I had no choice but to obey. That evening, dinner with the female accountant was rather unappetizing. Luckily, I was well-prepared, and after dinner, I accompanied her shopping in Xidan. Then I took her back to her hotel. The female accountant politely thanked me. I said, "We're practically family now, why are you thanking me?" The female accountant, shrewd and capable, blushed slightly and turned to go inside. I asked myself, "What do you mean? Is this a confession?"
A few days after the female accountant left, Achen came to visit me again, chatting with someone on QQ on my computer, barely paying attention to me. Feeling guilty, I deliberately stayed close to her, watching her chat. When she saw me coming, whether intentionally or not, she
started talking about explicit topics with the other person. I, with a "don't hold a grudge" attitude, watched with a smile. She became increasingly brazen in her QQ chat, spouting nonsense and even arranging to meet someone at a hotel. The other person immediately replied, "Okay," and told her to wait a moment for the room number. I started to get nervous.
But she seemed completely relaxed, not taking it seriously at all. A few minutes later, the other person sent over the hotel and room number, along with a photo of a man who looked to be in his thirties. Two hours after meeting him, she logged off.
I asked her if she was really going to keep the appointment, and she replied, "Since I made the appointment, I should keep it. How can a person be so untrustworthy?" I said, "You don't even know who he is? That's dangerous." She asked, "How do you know I don't know him?" I was stunned and didn't know how to answer. She smiled and said, "Why don't you come with me?" I was stunned. Even after she walked out the door, I was still reeling. So she was retaliating for my outburst. Was she retaliating against
me? Or her boyfriend? Maybe all men—all the men who disappointed and broke her. Should I blame her? Can I blame her? What right do I have to blame her? Which of us men hasn't done bad things and broken women's hearts? When I faced the female accountant, was I any better than Achen's boyfriend?
But I really cared. I couldn't help but imagine Achen and that old man in bed. I suddenly wanted to cry. I felt useless. I felt this world was both crazy and hopeless.
IV. Despair.
Before May Day, I got engaged to the female accountant. I took leave to go back to my hometown. Both sets of parents met and were quite satisfied. My family planned to arrange the wedding next year. After the wedding, I would leave Beijing and go back to my hometown to find a job. I didn't dare tell Achen in person, so I told her about the engagement on QQ.
She replied that she wished us happiness. She also said things like "may you have a son soon." Then I said, "I hope you two order soon too," and she said she'd wait until she graduated from university, that it was still a long time. Then she disappeared. I didn't hear from her for a long time, and she rarely answered my calls. When she did, she'd say a few indifferent words and hang up. About two months passed like this.
One day she came to see me, and I almost didn't recognize her. She had dyed her hair several colors, wore a leather jacket, a ridiculously short denim skirt, and heavy makeup. She looked like a little vixen. She was holding a long, thin cigarette and even blew smoke rings in my face. I said, "How did a young girl like you end up like this?" She retorted confidently, "Do you care what I do?
If you do, I might listen to you." I sensed the hidden meaning in her words and gave in. I softened and said, "Okay, little sister, I won't bother you anymore." Seeing that I was listless, she also lost her momentum. After a while, she washed off her makeup, reverting to her original innocent self.
She sat in front of my computer, playing games endlessly. I could tell she wasn't in a good mood, so I asked her if she had argued with her boyfriend again. She frowned and said, "Don't mention him, he's so annoying." I asked what was wrong, and after a moment of hesitation, she said that he had taken a group of people from his company to Hainan for a trip. I said, "Isn't that great? Why didn't you go with him? He has two or three girlfriends, and I didn't want to get involved." I was speechless.
After a while, she asked if I was still living in Beijing after getting married. I said that houses in Beijing were too expensive, I couldn't afford them, and I was going back to my hometown. She didn't say anything after that and went back to chatting on QQ. After a while, she said she had a date and had to leave. I asked her where she was going, and she looked at me without saying anything. My heart sank. "Can't you not go?"
"What do you think?" I couldn't answer. She came over and smiled at me, saying, "Why don't you come with me?" I said, "Don't go." She said, "Fine, if you don't want to come with me, then don't." I tried to pull her away, but
she shook me off, looking at me with a strange expression. I was embarrassed and at a loss for words. Her gaze softened as she looked at me, and she took my hand, whispering, "Come with me. There are two of them, and I'm a little scared." I snapped, "If you're scared, why are you going? You can't go!" She looked at me coldly again and said, "I didn't expect you to be even more timid than me." Then she turned and left.
I followed her pathetically, hailed a taxi, and we didn't speak the whole way. I was angry and anxious, but there was nothing I could do. I could only follow her, thinking that I had to protect her no matter what. When we arrived at the hotel, a four-star one, I followed her into the elevator. We went to the designated floor, found the room number, and at the door, I could see she was a little nervous too. She hesitated for a moment, but still resolutely went over and rang the doorbell. The door opened,
and a man with gleaming eyes came in and led her inside. I quickly followed. It was a luxurious suite. I noticed two black police uniforms hanging on the coat rack; I hadn't expected them to be police officers. My heart pounded. Entering the living room, another muscular and imposing man came out. Just looking at their movements and demeanor sent a chill down my spine.
It felt like being in the same room as tigers and leopards from an animal documentary. The two men helped Achen to sit on the sofa, ignoring me. I stood not far from the door, figuring out how to escape, when I saw one of the men already had his arm around Achen's waist, the other's hand on her leg, his lips almost touching her face. Just as I was about to speak, I saw one of the men cup Achen's face and kiss her lips.
My heart stopped. That moment felt like an eternity. I wanted to scream,
but no sound came out. I wanted to rush over, but no matter what I did, I couldn't move a step, as if I were nailed to the spot, unable to move an inch. Blood rushed to my head, and my brain roared with the sound of blood rushing. Deep inside, it was as if a crack had been opened in the darkest door, and dark light shone through, an ancient, profound black light.
As they pulled open Achen's clothes, I saw her body visibly tremble. Then, one after the other, they lifted her up and walked towards the bathroom, undressing brazenly as they went
. The two men moved swiftly, and by the time they reached the bathroom door, she was completely naked, along with their own clothes. One man lifted her up and carried her into the bathroom, the other following behind. He casually closed the door, but then pushed it open halfway, poked his head out, and said to me, "Little brother, come on in." Then he went inside. I was left standing there dumbfounded, staring at the half-open frosted glass door of the bathroom.
The sound of running water and playful laughter came from inside.
The man's voice was like a wild beast, the girl's voice like a sweet, heavenly melody. At that moment, I understood two things. The first was that I was powerless to do anything about it. I couldn't beat those two clearly trained policemen, who were probably ten years older than me and had ten times my fighting experience. I couldn't call the police to arrest them either, because they were policemen, and probably even their superiors.
The second thing was that neither she nor I were in any real danger. What they did to her was nothing more than the most common thing in human history. But the problem was that I couldn't accept it at all. I couldn't imagine what would happen next. Would they hurt her? Would they abuse her? I had no idea, so I mustered my courage, went over, pushed open the bathroom door, and stepped inside.
The scene right in front of me immediately made me freeze.
Water was spraying from the showerhead, but the three soaking wet people weren't below. Ah Chen was sitting on the large, pure black marble sink. One man had one arm around her waist and the other cupping one of her breasts, kissing her. Another man had spread her legs and was squatting down, sucking on her genitals.
I stared at them blankly. Less than a meter away from me, Ah Chen's snow-white, tender skin was so dazzling against the black marble, and the lewd atmosphere was so shocking. Achen glanced at me sideways, then kicked me with a wet foot, almost hitting between my legs. Completely instinctively, I grabbed her ankle and tangled up with her.
I forgot to take off my clothes, oblivious to the fact that they were clinging to my skin. I was as intoxicated by her body as they were. They looked at me, seemingly laughing. One went to the shower to rinse, while the other lathered Achen with shower gel. As Achen was being lathered in the shower gel in the man's arms, she still managed to help me take off my t-shirt and pants. Only then did I realize my disheveled state. I quickly took off my clothes and ran to the door, throwing them on the ground outside.
When I returned, Achen was sandwiched between two men. Four men's hands, lubricated by the shower gel, roamed over her glistening skin. Their bodies pressed against hers, their erect penises rubbing against her lower abdomen and buttocks. She was clearly unable to contain her arousal, shyly covering her private parts with her hands. The man pulled her under the showerhead to rinse her off,
and soon she was clean. Two men pulled her to sit on the edge of the bathtub, one on each side, praising her skin and beauty. They kissed her as they praised her, complimenting every part of her body, their mouths following wherever their compliments went. She laughed and cursed, panting, trying to resist, but her hands were held by the two men, one on each side, and she couldn't resist their advances. As their mouths moved to her neck, waist, and thighs, her moans grew louder, and her body gradually went limp in their arms.
One of the older men beckoned to me and said in a deep voice, "Little brother, come closer." I took a few steps forward and noticed that Ah Chen's body seemed to be twitching slightly. The man who spoke to me reached out and lifted Ah Chen's soft, rounded chin, allowing her to see me. I saw that her eyes seemed to be misty; she blinked, as if she saw me clearly, and a hint of shame appeared on her face. The man leaned close to her ear, laughing, "
You brought this kid here so he could watch how his uncles play with his little wife, didn't you?" Her face flushed instantly. She frowned, biting her lower lip, struggling to cover her large breasts with her arms. The two men chuckled. They pulled her arms back, then each man reached out and cupped one of her breasts.
One eagerly lunged forward, taking one nipple into his mouth and sucking hard, half of the breast was in his mouth. The other followed suit, taking the other breast into his mouth. I felt a surge of heat rise from my lower abdomen. I could almost see the girl's soft nipples and areolas intertwined with the man's tongue in his mouth… Her dazed gaze shifted from my face, following my gaze to her own breasts, now exposed, and the two hungry men biting her. Her body trembled, letting out a low moan that was both sorrow and joy.
One man scooped the limp girl into his arms, while the other lifted her legs. The large bathtub overflowed with water, revealing two experienced, cunning, and powerful men and a struggling, beautiful girl. The low, wild laughter, soft moans, and curses made me, standing outside, feel utterly ashamed.
I fled outside, wrapped myself in a towel, grabbed a pack of cigarettes from the coffee table, shakily pulled one out, struck a match with trembling hands, lit it, and took a deep drag. Listening to the sounds rising and falling from inside, my heart felt like a jumbled mess of emotions, indescribable. After a while, there was silence. Then, the younger man emerged, followed by the older man carrying Ah Chen, who was wrapped in a towel.
The younger man gestured to me, inviting me into the spacious bedroom. The man carrying Achen came in, and another man ripped the towel off Achen and threw her onto the bed. She rolled over, but before she could get up, the two men pounced on her. Although the overhead light was a soft, golden glow, I had never seen Achen naked in such bright light before, and I realized she was even more beautiful than I had imagined.
After her initial shock, she gave up resisting and struggling. As the two men spread her legs by her knees under my gaze, the blush on her face spread all the way to her neck and chest. Helplessly, she covered her face with her small hands.
When the first, larger man penetrated her, she was almost constantly tense, her body barely reacting, biting her lip and remaining silent. Only at the very end, as the man thrust, did she slightly open her mouth and let out an uncontrollable moan. When the man ejaculated inside her, she gripped the arms of the man on top of her tightly with both hands,
almost leaving handprints. When the man came out, I saw her thin, pink labia minora being pulled out of her vagina by his thick, dark penis, softly curling outwards, dripping with his semen. Another, younger man immediately came up; it was clear he couldn't wait any longer. His penis was white, but thicker and longer than the other man's. After he penetrated her, the girl let out a soft moan, then trembled and orgasmed. How could a girl barely 18 withstand such ravaging and stimulation, especially at the moment a second man penetrated her body?
She completely surrendered. Her body shivered involuntarily from the stimulation, her lower abdomen contracting rhythmically. The young man lowered his head to kiss her lips, and she responded, offering her tongue for him to suck. Her arms wrapped around his neck, and then, amidst his rapid, forceful thrusts, she tilted her head back, her eyes rolling, letting out a plaintive moan.
I was the last one to go. When I went to her, she was completely lost in the moment. Her vagina contracted repeatedly, making penetration much more difficult. I felt both pleasure and pain from her grip, but she was no longer fully conscious. Under the dim light, I fucked her with abandon for the first time, pounding into her mercilessly, ravaging
her, kneading her beautiful breasts forcefully for the first time, and licking and biting her tender skin as wantonly as the other two men. Under the flickering light, the wanton scene was laid bare. V.
The Devastation
As midnight approached, it stopped, a moment to catch my breath. Suddenly, I felt hungry. Everyone went to shower. The older man suggested going out for a late-night snack, so I got dressed and tidied myself up a bit. We went to the second-floor restaurant and ordered a few simple dishes
. Ah Chen sat next to me, head down, slowly sipping a small bowl of porridge. The younger man sat next to her, occasionally striking up a conversation. These two seemed experienced; they tactfully avoided asking about our personal lives, only complimenting Ah Chen's youth and beauty. No matter what they said, Ah Chen remained silent, at most glancing at them politely.
After dinner, back in the room, the two men started groping Ah Chen before she even sat down. Ah Chen was annoyed and turned to leave, but the older man grabbed her, tearing a hole in her white shirt. Ah Chen cursed and
raised her hand to slap the man across the face. Unexpectedly, the man was quick and grabbed Ah Chen's wrist. With a quick twist, he pulled her arm behind her back, then swiftly grabbed her other hand, twisting both behind her back as well. He pressed his face close to her ear and chuckled, "I didn't expect you to be so wild." Another, younger man joined in, grabbing one of A-Chen's collars and
ripping it open, revealing a section of her snow-white arm and half a breast. The older man standing behind A-Chen grabbed both her wrists with one large hand, freeing the other to reach forward and pull her chin up and back, forcing her head tilt upwards and backwards until her forehead touched the man's chest. He then lowered his head and kissed her lips. Her beautiful, long neck was fully exposed, and because her arms were twisted behind her back, combined with the tilt of her head, her breasts were held high. The younger man then ripped them open with both hands, and her
two full breasts sprang out like rabbits, trembling slightly before the two men. The younger man embraced the girl's now-exposed waist, grabbing one breast in each hand and then taking the other into his mouth. The old man kissed the girl's mouth, face, eyes, chin, and neck wantonly. The way Ah Chen's neck was being bitten made her look like a snow-white lamb hunted by a wild beast.
In that sudden, brief moment, I stood frozen in the middle of the room, completely unprepared. I took no action, and, incredibly, I became shamelessly hard. I just watched them humiliate the powerless girl, stripping her clothes off until she was completely naked. Then they twisted her hands behind her back and pushed her onto the bed.
I completely lost the ability to think, like a primal animal, completely driven by instinct, joining them in the gang rape of Ah Chen.
The three of us surrounded the girl, wantonly violating her body. I watched closely as the girl knelt by the window, her arms pulled back, her upper body arched, completely exposing the man before her. Her delicate skin was kissed and bitten,
leaving light-colored marks, saliva, and bodily fluids. The older man cupped Achen's face, greedily sucking and licking it. Achen closed her eyes, resigned to her fate. I stroked Achen's sweaty waist and hips, dazzlingly white. The younger man was entering her from behind, a few fine hairs at the entrance of her vagina being pulled in and out with each thrust of his thick penis.
The man worked for a long time, then turned the girl over, making her lie on her back. He held her knees and penetrated her from the front. The girl turned her face to the side in resistance, biting her lower lip to refuse to respond. The younger man thrust vigorously for a while longer, but still couldn't make the girl surrender.
I suddenly remembered something: when I made love with Achen, she never let me touch her feet. If I touched them, she couldn't help but laugh and complain of tickling, so I dared not move. Thinking of this, I couldn't help but glance at the two tender white feet resting on the man's shoulders.
I reached out, grabbed one ankle, and kissed it. Ah Chen let out a soft cry, trying to pull her foot back, but she was already exhausted, her feeble struggles more like symbolic writhing. I cruelly licked the sole of her foot, and her entire thigh trembled. "No..." she began to plead. The man thrusting into her saw her wavering and inner turmoil, and
charged even more fiercely. The older man beside her also saw the girl's weakness, grabbing her other foot from the other side and biting her petal-like, glistening toes. The girl's body convulsed uncontrollably, she stuffed a small hand into her mouth, but couldn't muffle the sobs, her expression a mixture of crying and laughing. After we had
bitten a few times, she finally let out a low, high-pitched cry from deep within her throat, her body arching suddenly, then relaxing, and then convulsing rhythmically a dozen times, slowly and powerfully. This climax nearly exhausted the girl's strength. Her eyes became blurry, and her body felt like limp dough. After completely surrendering, she was utterly resigned to her fate.
When it was my turn to enter Ah Chen's body, she was soaked in sweat, indistinguishable from her own fluids or those of the other two men. She was still immersed in wave after wave of orgasms, unable to extricate herself. My hands caressed her waist, her breasts, her neck, and her cheeks. Her tender skin was wet and
smooth. Her vagina contracted rhythmically, making it difficult for my penis to enter. I finally managed to squeeze in little by little, then enjoyed her warm grip and the throbbing contractions. This frenzied act of crime captivated me, stirring up the dark, primal impulses deep within me. I was intoxicated by this violation,
thrusting vigorously, watching the two men embracing Ah Chen's upper body and teasing her, which only fueled my passion. It seemed like an eternity, yet also like a fleeting moment. The old man released his grip on Achen's neck, and with his other hand, he released Achen's breast. I continued thrusting, Achen's breasts trembling and heaving. The old man, growing impatient, pressed closer, and I reluctantly withdrew, my erect penis twitching upwards a few times as I pulled out. The old man, indeed impatient, hoisted the girl's legs onto his shoulders,
gripped her waist, and thrust in again. The girl cried out, her small feet kicking weakly against his shoulders. The old man, emboldened, pursued relentlessly, perhaps too forcefully, for in no time he had pushed her from the middle of the bed to the other edge. Achen's head dangled limply over the edge, her beautiful straight hair almost touching the carpet. I went over, looked down, and saw her dazed eyes, her slightly parted lips still uttering soft moans. A glistening trickle of saliva dribbled down her cheek. I gently stroked
her soft, pink lips, then lightly kissed them. I stood up, poked my swollen, purplish-red glans at her lips, smeared it with her saliva, and slowly pushed it into her mouth. She whimpered, swallowing with difficulty, licking it with her tongue. I continued deeper, feeling myself reach her throat. Her head was tilted back, chin up, her snow-white neck undulating, as if she were struggling to swallow. A surge of heat rose in my groin, and I cruelly continued thrusting in. I saw a bulge at the back of her throat; I knew it was my penis, so I thrust again.
Until a bulge appeared on her neck, I touched her neck and felt that it was indeed my penis inside. So I pulled out, and the bulge disappeared instantly. I inserted it again, pulled out, and inserted it again… The old man also saw this scene. His eyes widened, he panted heavily, and forcefully thrust into the girl's lower body. The girl's body was squeezed, pounded, and trembled under the double assault. Her small mouth, filled with my penis, emitted muffled whimpers. Her two small feet, raised high in the air, swayed weakly under the impact, as if declaring surrender and begging for mercy.
I reached out and grasped one of her breasts, and with my other hand, I held her soft, round chin. I thrust a few more times, finally ejaculating in her throat. I felt the semen shoot directly into her throat, and she swallowed with difficulty. I withdrew my penis, leaving the glans in her mouth for a moment. She sucked weakly a few times. I pulled out my penis, and a few drops of white semen dripped onto the corner of her mouth.
I took a few steps back and slumped onto the sofa, catching my breath as I felt utterly exhausted. It was already past midnight, and my already weak body had been unusually aroused for most of the night due to the intense stimulation. Exhaustion and weariness washed over me, and I could barely get up. I grabbed a blanket and collapsed onto the sofa, drifting off to sleep. On the bed, two tireless beasts were still ravaging A-Chen. I watched for a while, then couldn't open my eyes anymore.
In the morning, a ray of sunlight shone through the gap in the not-quite-closed curtains, illuminating my face, and I woke up. It felt like a dream; in the dream, I was running with A-Chen through a desolate, silent street, not knowing where we were going, yet feeling an inescapable necessity. I shook my head violently, taking in the room's surroundings. The scene from last night flashed before my eyes. I looked at the bed; on the large double bed, A-Chen slept between two men. One man was asleep, while the other had his arm around A-Chen's waist, one of A-Chen's plump, snow-white thighs exposed.
I quietly got up, dressed, and left without a sound.
I had no idea what tomorrow would bring.
[The End]

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The pain of first love (short story by chunyou2013)

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