Adult Jokes Collection 2

page views:1 Publication date:2023-06-10 01:27:07

A dairy
farm kept a bull among the cows to maintain its
herd .
However, as time went on, the bull grew old and became less capable, so the farm owner bought a new
bull to take over the job. As for the old bull, having served its purpose for years,
the owner allowed it to roam freely among the cows. One day, the owner went to inspect the farm and saw
the old bull panting heavily on the grass. The owner approached and said, "You're getting old, so tone it down a bit. Don't do
so much." The old bull looked innocent and said, "Couldn't you tell the newcomer I'm not a cow?!"
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Role Reversal :
A young, beautiful woman was strolling through the zoo, finally stopping in front of the monkey enclosure.
She asked the zookeeper, puzzled, "Where have all the monkeys gone today?"
"They've gone back to their burrows, miss. It's mating season," the zookeeper replied.
"If I throw some peanuts in, will they come out?" the young lady asked again.
The caretaker scratched his head and said, "I don't know! Miss, if it were you, would they come out?"
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Misunderstanding
A man walked into a dental clinic. Upon seeing the doctor, he immediately showed off his...thing. The doctor
was shocked
and exclaimed, "Hey! Buddy, slow down! You've probably come to the wrong place! We treat teeth here,
not those kinds of things!"
"I'm not mistaken!" the young man said painfully,
"But doctor, I have a set of teeth implanted in there!!"
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Maid
There was a wealthy young couple who employed a large household staff, including a butler, driver, and maids. The wife always
suspected her husband of having an affair with the young and beautiful maid, and constantly sought opportunities to fire her. Finally, one day, while
her husband was away, she called the maid over, complaining that her cooking was bad and telling her to leave... However, the maid said that her husband always said
her cooking was better than the maid's. The mistress, consumed by jealousy, was speechless and could only say, "It's nothing, you can go now!" Just as
the maid reached the door, she turned back and blurted out, "And my skills in bed are better than yours!" The mistress slammed her hand
on the table "Did the master say that?" "No..." the maid replied, "The driver and the gardener said it."
------------------------------------------------------------------------ A
gay
man was crossing a swamp when he fell into quicksand. When the sand reached his knees, a passerby happened
to be passing by .
So he said to the passerby, "Please pull me up, I'll give you anything."
The passerby said, "I don't want anything, just 'suck my dick,' and I'll pull you up."
The man said, "I hate homosexuals more than anything, go away! I'd rather drown than be saved by you."
The passerby left! Not long after, the quicksand had reached his waist, and just then, another passerby passed by! The
man then said, "Please pull me up, I'll give you anything."
Passerby B: "Just 'suck my dick,' and I'll pull you up."
The man: "Pah! Shameless! Go away! I'd rather drown than be saved by you."
Passerby B left, and after a while, the quicksand had reached his neck. If no one passed by, he would
drown ! But just then, he saw Passerby C walking in his direction!
He said directly, "Suck your dick, please pull me up quickly."
Passerby C: "#*%... I hate homosexuals the most."
As Passerby C spoke, he kicked the man's exposed head down!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
There was a laundry detergent salesman... One day... He came to the door of a house...
A middle-aged woman opened the door... He said: Could you give me a woolen garment? After speaking, the woman
took off and
handed them to the salesman… The salesman washed them and immediately said, “Fragrant and clean!” Then he asked the woman for a delicate
garment , and the woman gave him her bra… The salesman washed it and again said, “Fragrant and clean!” Finally… he
asked the woman for a nylon garment… The woman took off her underwear… Washed it… The salesman didn’t speak… The woman
asked, “How is the effect?” The salesman said, “You might as well not buy my laundry detergent…”
------------------------------------------------------------------------
In
a village called Women’s Village, because the young women all went out to work, the older generation still had to take on the responsibility of
breastfeeding , so it was common to see elderly women with sagging breasts. One day, a reporter passed through this place and
noticed an old woman with bandages wrapped around her chest. Out of curiosity, he asked her about it, and the old woman replied, “Oh my god!”
Yesterday , I was cooking while carrying Ah-Qiang (the neighbor's one-year-old) on my back. He said
he was hungry, so I tossed my breast behind him to let him suckle. He fell asleep while sucking, and my breast dripped down and burned the pot!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
A chicken ran away.
One day, a soldier went to buy takeout and bought a chicken to take back to his unit. While on the bus, because it was crowded,
the chicken accidentally ran away! It ran under a girl's skirt. Because the bus was crowded, she couldn't move. The soldier anxiously said,
"Miss, could you open your legs so I can grab the 'chicken' out?" The girl blushed, and then the soldier…
A young man, traveling late at night, arrived at a house asking for food and lodging. The old man who opened the door said, "Yes, but you can't do anything to my daughter, or you'll be subjected to the world's three most cruel tortures!"
The young man, tired and hungry, couldn't bring himself to do anything, so he agreed. After entering, he saw the old man's daughter . Wow! Absolutely stunning. After dinner, the two chatted, getting happier and happier, and then… The next morning, the young man woke up to find a huge rock pressing on his chest, with a note on it that read: "First Cruelty: Boulder Pressed Down." The young man disdainfully threw the rock out the window, where it broke through the glass. He got up and saw another note by the window. It read: "Second Cruelty: Your right testicle is tied to a rock." Realizing something was wrong, the young man quickly jumped out the window! Then, he saw a third note on the wall outside the window. "The Third Great Torture: Your Left Testicle is Tied to the Bed Leg" ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Breast Milk Little Ming asked his mother: Why do people say breast milk is healthier, but I wasn't breastfed as a baby? His mother blushed, and his father continued: Because it was for my own use!! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Your Dog A man was looking for his dog in a park when he found it mating with a girl's dog. Looking at the blushing girl, the man said provocatively: I can do things like that too! The girl said shyly: Well… well, you can try it. Anyway, it's your female dog. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Elephant A businessman went on an expedition to Africa. One day, he passed a river and saw an old man with a white beard fall into the water. The businessman jumped in without hesitation and rescued the old man. The old man told the businessman that he was actually a god, and to thank the businessman for saving his life, the god would grant him one wish . The merchant was good at everything, except he complained that his penis was too small. So he pointed to an elephant in the distance and said, " Let my penis become as big as that elephant's!" A puff of smoke appeared, and sure enough, the merchant's wish came true. After returning home, the merchant told everyone, boasting and comparing his penis to others', making everyone envious. The merchant had a good friend who asked him how he did it, and the merchant told him everything. So the merchant's friend also went to Africa, where he happened to encounter a sage who had fallen into the water. After being rescued, he also received a wish from the sage: " Let my penis be as big as that elephant's!" The merchant's friend pointed to an elephant in the distance. A puff of smoke appeared , and the merchant's friend split in two. (Understand?) ------------------------------------------------------------------------ In the forest lived two tigers, a husband and wife. The tigress always wanted to have cubs… but the pain of making love prevented her from having them… Until one day… The male tiger whispered something in her ear … and the female tiger, disregarding the pain, had sex with him. It turned out the male tiger had said a proverb: "Nothing ventured, nothing gained." ------------------------------------------------------------------------ There was a woman, always promiscuous, who was finally getting married. Before the wedding, she went to the hospital and said to the gynecologist, "My future husband is a meticulous man; he'll definitely want to check if I'm a virgin. Is there any way to prevent this?" The doctor thought for a long time, then suddenly slapped his thigh and said, "I've got it! A corneal transplant." The surgery was successful , and there were no problems on their wedding night. However, a few days later, the groom came to the hospital and told the doctor that his bride had contracted a strange , embarrassing disease. The doctor asked the bride what her symptoms were, and the groom said, "When I whisper to her, instead of leaning over, she raises her leg?" ------------------------------------------------------------------------ A couple and their child lived in the same room. The couple had a secret code that the child didn't know. Husband: Let's go to Hong Kong! Wife: Let's go after the child falls asleep. Husband: (Impatiently) Let's go to Hong Kong now! Wife: Look at you, wait until the child is asleep. Child: (Suddenly sits up) Hurry up, I want to sleep! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ A mother and daughter went swimming. When the daughter jumped in, her swimsuit accidentally tore. The mother quickly grabbed a sign to cover her daughter. People couldn't help but laugh when they saw the sign. The sign read: Dangerous, 2 meters deep, for experienced swimmers only. The mother quickly turned the sign around. This time, people laughed even harder. The back read: Men only , please remove clothing before entering. Embarrassed, the mother picked up another sign. It read: Adults 30 yuan, children 10 yuan, half price for groups of 20 or more. So she immediately changed to another one. After looking at it, she almost fainted. The sign read: Opening hours 9 am - 10 pm. Seeing the people laughing so hard they were almost breathless, the mother pinned her only hope on the last sign. But when she saw it, she fainted. The sign read: "This is a shared area. Please keep it clean for the health of others."

------------------------------------------------------------------------
A dormitory housed seven men and one woman. One night, the woman was raped by one of the men. Because it was too
dark, she couldn't identify the man who raped her. A week later, the woman went to the police station to identify the man.
Policeman: How did you know it was him?
Woman: I saw him go to a sex clinic a week later.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
A woman went to visit relatives at a military base. When filling out the registration form, there was a section for "relationship". She thought, "Why would the military ask
such question?" Having no other choice, she filled in "three times a week". The soldier on duty took the registration form, looked at
it, and said, "There's an error in the form. Please fill it in again!" The woman was surprised, thinking to herself, "How did he know?"
Then , she had to fill in the truth: "seven times a week". A beautiful young woman lay on an examination bed. The doctor stroked her breast and said, "Of course, you know what I'm doing." The patient whispered, "Yes, you're checking if I have breast cancer." Encouraged,
the doctor pressed on, massaging her stomach and saying, "You know what this is, right?" She smiled and said, "Yes, you're checking my appendix." At that moment, the doctor could no longer restrain himself. He took off his clothes and kissed her passionately, saying, "You also know what I'm doing, don't you?" The patient said, "Yes! You 're checking me for syphilis, which is the main reason I came here. " During the American Gold Rush, a touring, high-class theater troupe wanted to bring some culture to the West. They performed plays for a large, enthusiastic audience. In one scene, the female lead dies. The male lead, heartbroken, says, " What should I do? What should I do?" Immediately, someone in the upstairs box shouts, "Make love to her before !" This vulgar remark ruined the entire atmosphere, so the next day, the theater manager went to the sheriff and told him that the troupe had intended to bring some refined entertainment to the locals, but the audience's rude behavior had ruined everything. The sheriff assured the manager that there wouldn't be any more trouble. And the next evening, the sheriff personally brought two guns and sat in the front row. Everything went smoothly until one scene where the male and female leads were being very passionate. The male lead kissed the female lead and said to her, "Ah! What in the world is sweeter than your red lips?" At that very moment, the sheriff jumped up, brandishing his two guns and shouting to the audience, "If any bastard dares to say it's a woman's breasts, I'll shoot him dead!" ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Woman A: What do you do together? Woman B: Eat bird's nest! Woman A: Huh? Really? Woman B: Oh dear! Bird's nest is just saliva... Woman C gave a strange smile and said: You should say it's bird saliva... ------------------------------------------------------------------------ This is a joke my classmate saw on a flight from Taipei to Hong Kong: My classmate boarded the plane and sat down. He saw a mother and daughter... A short while later, he heard the mother and daughter arguing. Woman A: I don't want to be a prostitute!! Mother: I told you to be a prostitute, so you obediently become a prostitute!! Otherwise, you'll be sorry!! Daughter: Mom, I don't want to be a prostitute.... (about to cry) Mother: If you don't do it, I'll punish you when I get back!! Flight attendant: Miss, being a prostitute is not bad, it's also very comfortable!! The old man next to the classmate couldn't help but stand up and say: Madam, if your daughter doesn't want to be a prostitute, don't force her... Uh??!! Sorry, never mind what I said ... The classmate looked and saw that it was the mother telling her daughter to sit in seat G. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ One late night, in a girls' dormitory, a girl was taking a shower when suddenly a cold wind blew, and a female ghost came from the shower... floated behind the girl... The female ghost patted her shoulder and said. Female ghost : "Miss, look! I have no face!" Girl: "So what?" Female ghost: " What do you mean by that!" The girl calmly turned back to the female ghost and said, "Look, I don't have breasts!" ------------------------------------------------------------------------ An old lady kept a parrot to alleviate her loneliness in her later years. This parrot, named Little Green, was very endearing, but it had one flaw: whenever the old lady looked at it, it would make a very lewd expression. It's said that the old lady learned this from a widow. The old lady told the priest about it, and the priest suggested, " That parrot probably needs a mate. Let it have something interesting, and it will forget its sinful past." "I also have a parrot named Mimi," the priest said, "a devout bird that's always praying. Next time I'll put Mimi in a cage and let it stay with me for a few days. I believe its religious background will help Little Green." Later, the priest took Mimi with him. The two parrots were put in the same cage, and Little Green whispered in Mimi's ear, "I'm here , my love. How about we spend the night together?" "You're wonderful, darling," Mimi said, "Do you know how I've been praying for this day day and night ?"

------------------------------------------------------------------------ If a husband
with cavities
gets diabetes, what disease will his wife get? a: Cavities
------------------------------------------------------------------------
He even knocked his hat off!!
A teacher at school offered a course teaching teenagers correct sex education, but he was too embarrassed to tell his wife,
so he lied and said he taught a "rowing class." One day, his wife met one of his students
, and they chatted about his class. The student said, "The teacher's class was so good! We learned
a lot of correct knowledge!" The teacher's wife was very surprised! And she said dismissively, "How is that possible! He
has no experience with these things at all! I remember the first time, he threw up everywhere!! The second time, he even knocked his hat off
!!!!"
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Triplets
were in their mother's womb, and the three of them were discussing what they wanted to be when they grew up. "It's so dark here; when I grow up,
I want to be a plumber, installing lights to illuminate the world," said the youngest, who was squeezed in the middle. "When I grow up, I want to be an architect,
building houses; it's too crowded here!" said the second oldest, squeezed in the middle. "When I grow up, I want to be a fisherman," said the eldest, who was in front. "
Why?!" asked the youngest and second oldest. "Oh!! You don't know, every night an eel runs in; we can't catch
it!" the eldest replied
. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ A
simple countryman
named Xiaobao had some important matters to discuss on his wedding night, but
his father was afraid of making things too complicated for his son… It's troublesome if you don't understand. So the father said: Son!
Before you go to sleep tonight, use the hardest part of your head to forcefully bump your wife's genitals. That's it, understand? Xiao Bao nodded as
if suddenly understood: It's that simple! The next day, the father found Xiao Bao lying next to the toilet with a bloody head!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Memory
Novice and Ali were drinking and chatting in a pub. Xiao Bai: "My memory is unmatched! Even
when I was still in my mom's 'tummy,' I remember exactly how often my dad came to visit!" Ali: "That's nothing special... Back
when I was still in my dad's 'bag,' my little brother and I made a bet: would we end up in Mom's tummy or the secretary's tummy
?!"
------------------------------------------------------------------------ A hunter fell in love with a beautiful girl, but he didn't dare express his feelings directly. He knew the girl came to pick mushrooms every afternoon. One afternoon, the hunter came up with a good idea. He took off his pants and lay on the grass, which was a foot high, so no one could see him. Then the girl came. While picking mushrooms, she said, "One mushroom lalala, two mushrooms lalala, three mushrooms lalala, four mushrooms ah/four mushrooms ah/" The hunter's penis was touched by the girl's jade hand. So good, so good, so good! The next afternoon, the hunter lay on the grass again. The girl came and said, "One mushroom lalala ... "

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