[I just don't want to live anymore...]

page views:1 Publication date:2023-06-10 01:24:46

1. A couple was making love. The man always said, "I'm going to kill you..." The woman was overjoyed. After not seeing each other for a few days, the woman went to the man's workplace. In front of their colleagues, the man asked, "Is something wrong?" The woman softly replied, "Nothing much, I just don't want to live anymore..."

Comment: You'd better think carefully about what you say during sex in the future!

2. In history class, the teacher asked, "What horse did Guan Yu ride during the Three Kingdoms period?" No one answered. The teacher prompted, "Think about it, Lu Bu also rode this horse." The students answered in unison, "Diao Chan!" The teacher was furious: "You bastard, I asked about the one he rode during the day!"

Comment: The one he rode during the day is very different from the one he rode at night. (Was the one he rode during the day called Red Hare?)

3. The husband was impotent, so the wife hired a strong man to wave a towel by the bed to help him, but it didn't work. The husband was not satisfied. He called the strong man to take over and waved the towel himself. As a result, the wife was in ecstasy. The husband shouted triumphantly: "Kid, did you understand? The towel should be waved like this!"

Comment: It's really a shame this wife married someone with such low intelligence.

4. A male Party Secretary and a female County Head went to the countryside and saw a litter of adorable puppies that were just a month old. They each took one; the Secretary took the male, and the County Head took the female. The Secretary, wanting to take advantage, said: "Let's have one male and one female live together." The County Head said: "Sure! If the puppy gets pregnant, I'll say it's the Secretary's son's fault."

Comment: The puppies born will be called the Secretary's puppies.

5. A boss and his female secretary were traveling on a business trip and were in the same train compartment. Boss: What time is it? Woman: Ten o'clock. Boss: Exactly? Woman: Too early, everyone else is still awake! Boss: I'm asking if it's exactly ten o'clock? Woman: Eleven o'clock.

Comment: The secretary was too impatient; she wanted to have sex right there in the train compartment.

6. A husband who loved music bought a lot of CDs. When he got home, his wife laughed at him: "You're such a show-off! You don't even have a CD player, why did you buy CDs?" The man hesitated for a long time, then mumbled softly: "Didn't you also buy a bra?"

Comment: A kumquat is a kumquat, and a fried egg is an egg too.

7. It's getting cold. The husband looked for a sweater, and the wife said: "I washed it and it shrunk, so I gave it to my brother." Then he looked for long johns, and the wife said: "I washed them and they shrunk too, so I gave them to my brother." The husband got angry: "Why don't you wash me and give me to your sister?"

Comment: "A brother-in-law and sister-in-law is a timeless love story, why get angry?"

8. A leader led a delegation on a visit. After watching a striptease performance, his eyes were swollen and he had to go to the hospital. After a full checkup, he was instructed: "From now on, no matter what you see, remember to blink."

Comment: "I don't want to miss any exciting scenes!"

9. The nanny had a particularly loud voice. The employer instructed her: "Tonight, everyone coming is important, so please speak softly." After dinner, the host and guests played cards. The maid, wanting to rest early, leaned close to the male host's ear and whispered, "I'm going to sleep now."

Comment: The distinguished guests nodded understandingly.

10. A female teacher noticed a small line of writing on the corner of the blackboard on her first day of class: "penis." She shyly erased it. For several days afterward, "penis" appeared in the same spot, each time with slightly larger characters. Until one day, she saw another line written on the blackboard: "This thing is like that; the more you erase it, the bigger it gets, really."

Comment: If it said "pussy," would there still be water after erasing?

11. A company was recruiting, and the place was packed. "I'm from Peking University, I'm from Jiaotong University, I'm from Zhejiang University, I'm from Nanjing University..." a chorus of voices erupted. Suddenly, a woman's voice boomed: "I have big breasts!" The boss slammed his hand on the table: "You're the one!"... Afterward, the boss took the woman to his office, drew the curtains: "Let me see your big breasts?" "The woman pulled out her graduation certificate—Ningbo University.

Comment: If she were a female CEO, I suggest she apply to Shanghai University of Mechanical Engineering."

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