22 hilarious jokes

page views:1 Publication date:2023-06-10 00:53:42

1. A power company technician accidentally touched a 10,000-volt power line and was electrocuted, collapsing to the ground. Miraculously, he recovered after the doctor's best efforts. The doctor said, "Congratulations on your recovery, but your case is unusual. I suspect there will be aftereffects, so you must come to the hospital for a check-up every week." The technician came for weekly check-ups, and everything seemed normal, but it seemed he had something he couldn't talk about. 1. The doctor asked, "Are you hiding something from me? For your health, you should be honest with me." The technician stammered, "No, doctor, there's nothing wrong with my body. It's just that when I'm having sex with my wife at night, she..."

The doctor asked, "Is there a problem?"

The technician said, puzzled, "When she reaches orgasm, her breasts glow!"

2. A girl told the police, "I put my money inside my bra, and a young man stole it in the crowded subway..."

The policeman said, "Didn't you notice it in such a sensitive place?"

The girl blushed and replied, "Who would have thought he was stealing money?"

3. [Classic Difference]

A man says to his wife, "Eat, sleep";

to his aunt, "Eat a meal, sleep"; to a

beautiful woman, "Eat a meal, sleep";

to his mistress, "Eat a meal, sleep";

to an ugly woman, "What are you eating, what are you sleeping?"

4. Woman A: "What do we do together?"

Woman B: "Eat bird's nest!"

Woman A: "Huh? Really?" Woman

B: "Oh dear! Bird's nest is just saliva..."

Woman C gives a strange smile and says: "It should be called bird saliva..."

5. The teacher asks: "When is Girls' Day?"

The students think for a long time but can't answer. The teacher announces the answer is March 7th. The students ask why it's the day before International Women's Day?

Teacher: "It's just one day different!"

6. What do middle-aged men think about?

After much contemplation and deliberation, the draft is finally complete. Please read and see if it's satisfactory: 1. I want a woman to sleep with me; 2. I want rape to go unpunished; 3. I want sex to never get tiring; 4. I want to be an official without meetings; 5. I want to live a long and healthy life; 6. I want everything I buy to be free; 7. I want to always guess the lottery correctly; 8. I want to never have bad luck playing cards; 9. I want a long line of children; 10. I want to never get drunk; 11. I want to always receive bribes; 12. I want to have huge sums of money without paying taxes; 13. I want to spend money like water; 14. I want wives and concubines without clinging to me; 15. I want to enjoy foreign cuisine; 16. I want to live in a mansion for eight generations; 17. I want a whole bunch of luxury cars; 18. I want to eat imperial food as a snack; 19. I want to be impotent; 20. I'll be reincarnated in the next life…

7. An American soldier, unwilling to go to Iraq, lied and claimed he had suddenly gone blind.

The medic had a female nurse take off her clothes and stand in front of him, asking, "Can you see?"

The soldier replied, "No!"

The medic said, "Bullshit! Your penis is already hard, and you still dare to say you can't see?"

8. [Judging a Man's Personality from His Urine Urine]

Humming and whistling while urinating - Happy type;

Spraying from a meter away from the toilet - Confident type;

Shooting flies and mosquitoes on the toilet bowl with urine - Challenging type;

Enjoying urinating with others - Social type;

Checking his penis for any abnormalities after urinating - Anxious type;

Rotating his penis while urinating - Playful type;

Peeking at other people's penises while urinating

- Curious type; Urinating in the sink - Casual type;

Remaining completely still

while urinating - Conservative type; Moving his feet while urinating - Athletic type;

Practicing on tiptoe - Nervous type;

Trembling involuntarily after urinating - Satisfied type;

Vigorously swinging his penis after urinating - Cool type;

Forgetting to zip up his fly after urinating - Forgetful type;

Intentionally leaving his fly undone - Open type...

9. My younger brother has three penises and wanted to ask his older brother if that was a problem, so he hinted, "Brother, we have five in total!"

The older brother said, "Huh!? You only have one!?"

10. In high school, I was playing soccer with a girl in my class. I said, "I'm a great goalkeeper, my nickname is 'The Copper Wall'!!" She

said, "Pshaw! My nickname is 'The Steel Gate'!! I'll let you shoot all you want, you still can't get in!!"

I burst out laughing, and she started hitting me all the way...

11. A man went to the market to sell pigs, but it rained at night, and he couldn't sell any of his 20 pigs. He asked to stay at a farmer's

house. The woman said, "It's inconvenient for one person to stay." The man said, "Please, sister, give me one pig." The woman said, "Okay, but there's only one bed." The man said, "I'll sleep on the bed too, and I'll give you another pig." The woman agreed. In the middle of the night, the man asked the woman if he could sleep on top of her, but she refused. The man said, "I'll give you two pigs." "The woman agreed, but asked not to move. After a while, the man couldn't resist and begged to move a little, but the woman refused. The man said, 'I'll give you two pigs if you move a little.' The woman agreed. The man moved eight times and stopped. The woman asked why he stopped. The man said the pigs were gone. The woman whispered, 'How about I give you some pigs...' At dawn, the man whistled and drove 30 pigs (including the woman's 10) to the market...

12. In a dark movie theater, a woman whispered to her boyfriend, 'The guy next to me is masturbating.' The boyfriend said, 'Mind your own business.' The woman said, 'But he's using my hand!'

13. One day, Xiaoqing went to the pharmacy to buy condoms. The owner showed him all the samples, but he didn't like any of them. Xiaoqing only asked for black ones... The owner said in confusion, 'There are so many new styles now, why do you only want black ones?' Xiaoqing said embarrassedly, 'No! Recently, a good friend of mine passed away... I bought black condoms to comfort his widow...'"

14. The story begins with the brother-in-law, under the pretense of being drunk, pretending to be his sister-in-law's wife and attempting to seduce her, but to no avail. The sister-in-law's poem:

"Kindly filling my new pillow, why such wicked intentions? My precious daughter's body, how can she replace my sister's? Outrageous!

Outrageous!"

The brother-in-law's poem: "Drunk and limp, I know nothing of east or west. I only smell rouge, who knows it's my sister-in-law? Wrong! Wrong!" The aunt's poem: "White paper covers the window, bright outside, both are interested, why make such a fuss! Don't mention it! Don't mention it!"

The uncle's poem: "The boy entered the door, his eyes searching everywhere, either stealing something or..." He's trying to seduce someone! Beat him up! Beat him up!

Mother-in-law's poem: Two kids, they don't know anything. If word gets out, won't people laugh at them? Hold him down!

Hold him down! Father-in-law's poem: Pretending to be drunk when you're not, anyone can do that. If you don't get drunk, that's fine, but if you do, then forget it. Sue him! Sue him!

Magistrate's poem: I'm in court early today, and I've run into a bunch of idiots. Whoever gets drunk will suffer, if not, forget it! Court adjourned! Court adjourned!

Magistrate's wife: This isn't shameful, I have one too, thinking of his uncle, I still feel bad! I won't say! I won't say!

15. The teacher was teaching the word "bed".

Teacher: "What was under Dad when he slept last night?"

"Mom!"

The teacher quickly corrected: "What was under Mom when Dad wasn't home?"

"Uncle!"

"Children, this word is a bit difficult, we'll learn it later!"

16. The wife went out at night, and the husband warned: "Honey, be careful of hooligans!"

The wife asked her husband curiously, "What would you do if you encountered a female hooligan?"

The husband replied, "I don't have that kind of luck!"

17. The Origin of Four Dishes and One Soup: Once upon a time, an old man's first wife passed away, and he remarried a young woman in her late teens. This woman was a kind person who would go to the temple to burn incense on the first and fifteenth of each lunar month. One day, after breakfast, she took her maid to the temple. The master waited until sunset for his wife to return home. Suspicious but not daring to ask his wife directly, he asked the maid the reason. The maid said, "The mistress didn't do anything special, she just ate with the old monk in the side room for a long time." The master asked, "What kind of food did they eat that took so long?" The maid said, "I heard them eating four dishes and a soup in the outer room."

The master said, "I'd like to hear more details." The maid said, "The first dish must have been soup, because I heard the monk say there was so much water... The first dish was chicken, and I heard the mistress say the chicken was so big... The second dish should have been braised pig's trotters, and I heard the monk say the little trotters were so slutty... The third dish must have been roast duck, because I heard the mistress keep making 'ya...ya' sounds... The fourth dish was definitely fish, and I heard the monk say to flip it over, so I guess they wanted to eat the other side of the fish." Yuan Wai was greatly surprised and said, "And then what happened?" The maid said, "The mistress must have eaten too much, she kept saying she felt stuffed..."

18. This is a tragic love story. The male and female protagonists must abandon their faith and endure the cruel gaze of the world to be together. The story is only one sentence: Abbess, just give in to this old monk!

19. A psychiatrist believes: A perfect life should be like that of someone with dementia—free from worries; like someone with schizophrenia—daring to think and act; like someone with bipolar disorder—extremely happy; like someone with paranoia—undaunted by hardship; like someone with depression—facing death without fear!

20. Who uses their brain the most? Leaders and the mentally ill;

who talks the most? Leaders and the mad;

who receives the most bows? Leaders and the dead;

whose wife is most idle? Leaders and prisoners.

Being a leader is too difficult!

21. A nun hitched a ride with a priest, who couldn't resist reaching out to touch her thigh. The nun asked: "Father, do you remember verse 129 of the Bible?" The priest blushed and quickly withdrew his hand. Back in the church, he eagerly opened his Bible, where verse 129 read: "Go deeper, and you will receive endless glory!" The priest exclaimed, "My God, how many opportunities will we miss if we're not good at our job!"

22. A sign stood on the lawn in front of a church, proclaiming in large characters: "If you are tired of sin, please come in."

Below, written in red lipstick, was another line: "If you are not tired, please call the full-service hotline xxxx..."

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