Selected Micro-Quotes 0927: After showering at night, I lay naked in bed with my husband and watched porn.

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1. An unmarried girl discovers she's pregnant, and her first reaction is, "Damn it, my mom's going to kill me!" Little does she know, the baby in her belly is also thinking, "Damn it, my mom's going to kill me!" ( @毅咝不挂)

2. Guan Yu: I want to criticize Zhang Fei. He speaks too loudly, even though his intention is to show concern for the soldiers' well-being. His fierce manner is not conducive to uniting the rank-and-file soldiers. Zhang Fei: I want to criticize Zhao Yun. As a general, his clothes are too clean and too bright, making him look arrogant. Zhao Yun: I want to criticize Guan Yu. Your Red Hare violates the regulations for official horse use; it's an ultra-luxury item, isn't it? Guan Yu: Damn it, do you even know what criticism is? Do you even know how to play games? ( @王星wx)

3. @里八神: Logically, the temperature of people is similar. As long as their physiology is normal, it's between 36-37 degrees Celsius. There's no such thing as one being higher or lower. But when you hug someone, you always feel that the other person is warmer than you. This is an illusion caused by physical contact. The heat you usually emit dissipates into the air, and the world is indifferent to it. Today, someone finally responds to you with the same temperature, and you feel warm.

4. "Monks cultivate Buddhism, right?" "Yes." "If one's fortune reaches a certain level, one can cultivate into an Arhat or an immortal, right?" "That's right." "So..." "So don't fucking call me a flower fairy!" Lu Zhishen said angrily. ( @Big-Headed Knife-Wielder)

5. After taking a shower at night, I lay naked in bed and watched porn with my husband. The male protagonist was being brutally abused by the female protagonist. After watching it, I said to my husband with a mournful expression: Honey, where is your beastly nature? Husband: Meow.

6. "The old monk is dead. Yes, the one who was very talkative and always advised me to reincarnate. The one who sewed up your head last time. Yeah, he's dead. The car that donated a cornea is stuck on the bridge. The broken refrigerator can't hold it..." The man who drowned was sending WeChat messages while soaking wet. The woman who cut her wrists was hugging a medical refrigerator. The driver sneezed and felt a chill in the car. He didn't know that all the ghosts in the city had gathered on this overpass, wanting to ferry a monk across. ( @洞庭府君)

7. Yesterday on my way home, I encountered a pickpocket on the bus. I protected my bag with one hand and said, "Hey buddy, it's one of us." The pickpocket was stunned, looked at me, and said, "Be careful next time, there are many people on this bus..."

8. This special meeting of the Politburo had many highlights, and can be said to be the general line for the next ten years. Theoretically, it established the trajectory of Marxism, Deng Xiaoping Theory, the Three Represents, and the Scientific Outlook on Development. This is very important and a major blow to the extreme left forces that have been fanning the flames for years. Mao Zedong Thought has completely disappeared from mainstream discourse; this is the most valuable achievement of thirty years of reform and opening up. Reform and opening up are irreversible, and so is democratization. ( @无事小神仙2430)

9. A friend works for an airline. He told me that a flight attendant was complained about today. The reason was... she asked a passenger to turn off their phone. The passenger then held up a gold phone and said, "This is a 5s!" The flight attendant then pulled out an iPhone 3 and said, "This is your grandpa." ( @Full of Positive Energy)

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Selected Micro-Quotes 0927: After showering at night, I lay naked in bed with my husband and watched porn.

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