Mother's Account - The Feelings of Incest Between Mother and Son

page views:1 Publication date:2023-06-10 00:32:32

49 years old, female, my husband died of liver cirrhosis 8 years ago. My son was 16 years old at the time. Our family was relatively wealthy and had no problem living there. At first, my son was definitely afraid that I would be lonely, so he chatted with me at night.
Once I had a fever. He took care of me every night and slept in the same bed with me. After I got better, I would send him back to his room, and sometimes he would not leave. He also naughtily said that he wanted to drink my breasts, but I refused, so he refused to leave. I was afraid that it would affect his schooling, so I perfunctorily let him touch it and quickly sent him back to his room to sleep. Later, he would sometimes sleep in my room until midnight and ask for milk. He said he couldn't sleep without feeding. I didn't want to get into trouble with him, so I let him eat a few times. But as time went on, he started to push his limits and became more and more abnormal, and I felt more and more wrong. I firmly refused and subtly taught him not to daydream, to focus on his studies, and not to worry his father in the afterlife. He behaved himself for a while. Then,
during summer vacation, his behavior changed again. He often left the bathroom door open while showering and used excuses to ask me to bring him things. I got angry and scolded him for being inconsiderate. He then came out naked to get the things himself. Afterwards, he would try to appease me, kissing my cheek and hugging me, especially when he hugged me from behind, it felt like he was intentionally pushing against me. Although I was also somewhat aroused by his advances, I managed to control myself. I was genuinely angry, so I scolded him and also taught him not to think about things he didn't need. But it was probably too late. The more I scolded him, even hit him, the less it worked. Sometimes at night, he would simply climb on top of me and grope me while doing so, in a way that was completely different from how we were as children.
Several times, he would continue groping me after he finished, and then fall asleep next to me very late. I knew he had ulterior motives, so I was on guard. I wore more protective clothing on my lower body, only allowing him my upper body to be touched and groped. At the time, I thought he probably just wanted to have contact with a woman, and that he wouldn't force
me. But one night, after he had been doing this for a long time, and I was getting sleepy, he suddenly cut the narrowest part of my underwear. I immediately got up and hit him, but it was no use. He held me tightly, kissed me... and immediately penetrated me. I instantly lost the ability to resist, numb from his clumsy movements. At that moment, I felt no passion, only anger. If I had had that pair of scissors, I definitely would have killed him.
A few minutes later, he came down, and I burst into tears. He was terrified. He knelt down in front of the bed and begged for mercy, crying, "Mom, I love you, I love you so much. At first, I felt sorry for you, and I thought about having you find a man. After all, you're only in your early forties, you have a long life ahead of you." But later, whenever I saw you in your pajamas or pretty clothes, your figure, your body, especially those big breasts I used to touch and suck on when I was little, and your round, big buttocks, I would have all sorts of fantasies. Almost every night I wanted to hold you tightly while I slept. I really couldn't fall asleep without touching and sucking on your breasts. I kept imagining what the place I came from would be like. I peeked at you taking a bath, and I imagined making love to you almost every moment. That was my dream.
But I was afraid of hurting you and Dad, so I kept enduring it. You must have felt me consciously thrusting against you when I hugged you from behind. Tonight I couldn't hold back anymore. Now that I've done it, I know I was wrong. Even killing me wouldn't be too much. You are my good mother, and whatever you do to me is not too much. I have no complaints. But I must tell you, I truly love you now, not just the love of a son for his mother, but the sincere love of a man for a woman. You can't imagine how much I love you. I want you; I will never love another woman in this life.
I painfully got out of bed and hugged him tightly, and he hugged me even tighter… At that moment, what he had ejaculated inside me flowed out. I went downstairs to wash, and he followed me to the bathroom. Seeing my naked lower body, he must have been unable to resist again. After I finished washing, he carried me back to bed.
I said, "You're grown up now, you have sexual desires, that's normal. If it really doesn't work out, you young people are very open-minded now, you can find someone else. Why are you thinking about your mother?" He said, "It's not like that, I only love you… I can never love another girl in this life." He knew this was wrong, it was incest. But I couldn't pull myself away, I couldn't stop thinking about you, couldn't stop loving you. If you don't want this, I only have one option: if you don't kill me, I'll commit suicide. He hugged me... and said, "Anyway, I've made up my mind. I'll never get married or have children in this life. You can't have me, but you won't kill me, so I... My thoughts might be absurd, but that's how I think. You'll always be my good mother and my most beloved woman. I came out of you (he touched my genitals, though I had changed into new underwear). My whole being came out of there, so what's wrong with me going back in? When I came out, it caused you a lot of pain, but now going back in will make you happy and comfortable, so why can't it?"
I laughed through my tears and said, "You even have a theoretical basis!" He said, "I saw online that women in their forties are at their most virile, and you can't live without a man, but I don't want other men with you." He began kissing me even more passionately… I was completely limp from his ministrations. He said, “Mom, I want to see the place where I came out one last time, okay?” I didn’t answer, and I closed my eyes. He spread my legs and looked closely… I sat up and hugged him tightly… He fell down on me, climbed on top of me, and penetrated my vagina… He tormented me for over 40 minutes, until we were both exhausted and drenched in sweat.
And so we began our new life. To outsiders, we were a normal, intimate mother and son, but at home, we were a loving couple. Even during our climax, he still called me “Good Mom,” and I called him by his nickname. He was very strong, partly because I took good care of him. So he practically exhausted us every night before he could sleep. However, this didn't affect his studies at all; in fact, he progressed even faster. He was only average in his first year of high school, but after we reconciled, without any worries, his studies improved dramatically. By the end of his second year, he was already a top student and ultimately got into a prestigious university in Beijing. However, studying in Beijing was very difficult for both of us.
After graduating, at my repeated urging, he started dating. Thankfully, they got married last year, and their sex life is normal. Of course, I didn't believe my son's words; I only felt relieved after receiving confirmation from my daughter-in-law. To be honest, I didn't want him to leave me, but I am, after all, his mother, and I can't help but think about his future. However, this boy is truly devoted to me. Whenever he has the chance, he still wants to sleep with me, saying that his wife isn't as satisfying as me. I believe that's a lie, but I'm still happy.
That's how it happened. I've taken up a lot of the doctors' time, so my writing is rather verbose. But I want you to understand from the course of events whether this is an absolutely unacceptable monster. Here's my thinking: Although he still thinks about me now, and we've had so many sweet years together, he can't forget me all at once. But as I age, my body changes, and my sexual ability declines, he will gradually reduce his sexual dependence on me and return to their normal marital life. This way, I can regain my position as his mother.
Looking at the whole process, it didn't harm either of us. On the contrary, it made our past and future lives more colorful, at least a hundred times better than me finding him a stepfather. So, from a broad societal perspective, I think this is an intolerable and shameful act, but from our perspective as mother and son, there haven't been any bad consequences. At least I don't regret it now. Do you think my thinking is reasonable? Of course, I don't approve of this happening to other mothers and children. If it has already happened and they can't extricate themselves from it, then they need to find a way to resolve it. Perhaps every family has its own way of dealing with it.

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