Those Years of Oedipus Diary

page views:1 Publication date:2023-03-23

When I was little, my dad worked away from home and rarely came back, leaving just my mom and me at home.

Back then, women in rural areas married and had children very young.

I never really noticed how beautiful my mom was until I was about six or seven years old. One day, while playing with my friends, a boy named Wang An suddenly said to everyone, "Zhang Sicheng's mom is so beautiful!"

Then the other kids joined in, chattering about whose mom was pretty, had a big bottom, big breasts, or which woman in the village was beautiful.

I didn't understand why Wang An was suddenly talking about my mom, but my vanity was greatly satisfied.

When I got home, I happily told my mom about it. She just smiled, patted my head, and didn't say anything before going to cook for me.

That was the first time I realized how beautiful my mom's swaying hips were when she walked.

Since my dad wasn't home when I was little, and I was afraid of the dark, I always slept in the same room as my mom. She never hesitated to change clothes in front of me.

I often saw her changing her underwear in the room, taking it off right in front of me. I got used to it and didn't think much of it.

At night, I especially liked to snuggle into her arms while we slept, and she would hold my head and press it against her chest.

My mother was a very clean person; she showered every day with soap, and her body always smelled wonderful afterward, unlike the other women in the village.

Because I was young, my mother would always bathe me beside me. I was quite mischievous then, and I would often scoop up bathwater and splash it on her, but only a little at a time. If I splashed too much and wet her clothes, she would get angry. During bath

time, my mother would always make a point of cleaning my penis. I didn't understand anything about sex then; I just found my mother's hands touching my penis very comfortable and gentle, and I always looked forward to her cleaning that area during bath time.

This continued until around fifth or sixth grade. One day, my deskmate, a boy named Li Jun, suddenly asked me mysteriously if I wanted to see something interesting. I nodded, and he said he'd show it to me after school.

Being a child, I was easily lured by his mysterious promise, and I barely paid attention in class all morning, just waiting for school to end.

Finally, school was over, and I asked Li Jun if I could see it. He smiled mysteriously, pulled me towards the school gate, and walked quite a distance until we reached a corner in an alley. Then he unzipped his backpack and took the thing out.

As soon as he pulled it out, I saw it was just a book, wrapped tightly in a pre-cut book cover; I couldn't even see the title.

I was a little annoyed and said, "You're showing me this? I thought you were going to tell me something amazing."

Kids love to play, and I was no exception. I was usually restless in class, and asking me to read a book made me wonder if Li Jun had something wrong with his head.

Li Jun wasn't in a hurry at all. He calmly told me, "Open it and take a look first, then we'll talk."

I thought, since I was already here, there was no harm in looking, so I took the oiled paper book from him and opened it. Li Jun, on the other hand, looked around nervously, as if he were about to be discovered.

After flipping through a few pages, I was immediately drawn to the contents of the book. It turned out to be a pornographic storybook.

Children in rural areas tend to be more sexually precocious. Even at a young age, they learn about things like "fucking" and "breasts" from the vulgar language spoken by adults.

Just a few months ago, I and a few other kids from the village had gone to peep at the village women bathing.

Back then, it was common for kids to form sworn brotherhoods, a practice they learned from the older boys in the village who didn't do anything productive or study.

Among our group of friends, there was such a "big brother" figure. He and three of us had become sworn brothers, and one day he suddenly asked us if we wanted to see what a woman's body looked like.

We kids immediately nodded like chickens pecking at rice. He imitated the bosses on TV, waving his hand to signal us to follow him.

We arrived at the back of a house, and the older brother told us that someone would be taking a bath soon, and we could see them from there, pointing to the glass above.

We then realized that a piece of glass in that window was broken, but it was quite high up, about twice our height, so we couldn't see it even on tiptoe.

The older brother said, "You guys are so stupid! Why don't you stand on each other's shoulders to see?"

We all thought it was a good idea, and to be safer, we stood on each other's shoulders, one foot each, to distribute the weight.

Soon after, we heard sounds from inside. The older brother made a shushing gesture, and we all obediently kept quiet. After a while, we heard the sound of water, and we knew the woman inside had started bathing.

Because I was the thinnest among them, we had decided during our discussion that I should go up first to see if it was okay, and then we would go up one by one.

So, according to the original plan, the other two stronger friends squatted on the ground, and the older brother and the other friend helped me up by placing me on their shoulders. Then, they each held my feet and slowly stood up, leaning me against the glass.

Surprisingly, my height plus the height of the two friends below me was just enough to reach the broken glass; it must have been fate.

I opened my eyes wide and looked inside. A pale woman was sitting in a bathtub right in front of me, using a long-handled ladle to scoop bathwater and pour it over herself.

Since I grew up, my mother seemed to have started to pay more attention to her words and actions in front of me. She no longer changed clothes in front of me without any restraint, and even when I bathed her, she would only wipe my back; I had to wash the rest of my body myself.

Because the more unattainable something is, the more you want it, and besides, at this age, I understood many things I didn't understand before, but it was already too late; I couldn't see it even if I wanted to.

So, being able to see a woman's mysterious body again filled me with unimaginable excitement.

However, because the bathing area was covered by curtains, the room was very dark, and even when I got very close, I couldn't see clearly. There was also glass in front, so I didn't dare to put my head directly in.

I kept blinking as I looked, but my friends below, having stood for too long, couldn't take it anymore and asked if I was done looking and if it was time to switch. I don't know if they were talking too loudly or if they heard me talking through the glass, but

the woman bathing inside suddenly looked in my direction and started screaming. I was so scared that I quickly made them put me down, and then they all ran away.

Afterwards, they complained that I had looked for too long and that they hadn't seen anything. I lied and said that I hadn't actually seen anything either, that it was too dark inside to see anything, which was probably about the same as what they thought, just a little better.

This was probably one of my earliest sexual awakenings, so when I saw this erotic storybook Li Jun gave me, I was incredibly excited. By fifth or sixth grade, I could recognize most of the words, so even though it was just text, the descriptions of sex made me blush terribly.

I hadn't even read a few pages, and was getting really excited, when Li Jun snatched the book away and put it in his bag.

"I haven't finished reading it yet."

"Isn't it great? I told you it's a good book, do you want to read it?"

"Yes, yes, yes."

"Then I can lend it to you, but you have to pay me."

I said a little worriedly, "How much?"

Li Jun thought for a moment and said, "Just fifty cents, I'll lend it to you for three days."

Money was different back then. Adults' monthly salary might only be a few dozen or a hundred yuan, so fifty cents was a considerable sum for me.

In the end, I negotiated with him to see if I could pay him one cent a day, and I could return it to him whenever I finished reading it. That way, I could read it faster and save some money. He thought about it and agreed.

I immediately took out the two cents of pocket money my mother had given me for today from my pocket and gave it to Li Jun. Who knew he would ask for an extra cent, saying it was a deposit. If the book was discovered and confiscated by my mother, or if it was damaged, I would have to pay for it. I gritted my teeth and gave it to him.

I carefully stuffed the yellow storybook into my schoolbag and hurried home. Walking down the street, I felt like everyone was watching me, as if they had all discovered my secret. Looking back, I realize how timid I was.

When I got home, my mom was already back, waiting for me to eat. Because of what happened with Li Jun, I was home later than usual. She casually asked why I was so late, and I was startled. I stammered that I had to do chores that day, and she didn't ask any more questions.

Around noon, my mom had to go to work at the factory. Since it was still early before school, she reminded me not to oversleep and to remember to go to school early before leaving.

When I heard her close the door, my heart felt like it was going to jump out of my chest, pounding wildly. I felt a strange, indescribable excitement. I

quickly ran out of my room, opened the door to confirm that my mom was indeed gone, then ran back to my room, closed the door, and began my yellow reading adventure.

It's really strange. Normally, I find reading a Chinese textbook incredibly boring and can't concentrate after just a few lines. But now, reading these little erotic stories is like seeing something delicious; I'm completely absorbed.

It was also around this time that I first learned that a woman's genitals are called "bi" or "slutty bi," and that a man's penis is called "jiba."

I'd heard people say before that when a man and woman give birth, the man inserts his penis into the woman's vagina, but I didn't know the specifics. I only learned from the book that it involves insertion.

The storybook is made up of many short stories of various kinds, including one about incest between mother and son. When I saw the title, "Me and My Big-Breasted Mom," I felt my whole body heat up, and my penis even got a little erect.

So I read it with great interest. Although the story itself wasn't very detailed or elaborate, it seemed to involve a mother massaging her body, touching her skin, and then the mother becoming aroused and letting her son have sex with her.

But for me, who hadn't seen much of the world at the time, it was incredibly stimulating, especially the description of my mother's figure in the book—full breasts and a plump bottom, her swaying hips were exactly like my own.

Unconsciously, I began to see the woman in the book as my own mother. Even after finishing the story, I was still unsatisfied, flipping through the book searching for more stories about incest between mothers and sons. Unfortunately, the entire book only contained three or four such stories.

When I tried to read other types of stories, I couldn't get into them; the thrill of reading about incest between mothers and sons was gone. I just kept rereading those few stories about mothers and sons, completely oblivious to the fact that it was time for school.

When I finally remembered I had to go to school, at least ten minutes had already passed. I ran to the classroom, but luckily, I was usually well-behaved in class, and the teacher only said a few words to me before letting me sit down.

As soon as I sat down, Li Jun grinned mischievously and whispered to me, "How was it? Pretty good, right?"

"It's good. I'll return it to you after school."

Li Jun was startled and exclaimed in surprise, "Really? You finished it so quickly?"

I didn't want to tell him that I'd only read the incest stories I liked, and hadn't read the others, so I told him, "I only read a few good ones; the others weren't interesting, so I didn't read them."

He started to ponder, probably thinking about how to make more money off me. He never imagined I'd finished it in just one day.

After a while, he said, "Do you want to read anything else?"

"Others? Do you have any other books?" "

I have plenty of books. Do you have anything else that's more interesting?"

"What is it?"

My curiosity was piqued once again.

"You know DVDs, right?"

Of course I knew about DVDs. In those days, only a few wealthy families could afford them, and I'd heard from the beginning that they were for watching pornographic DVDs.

But I couldn't possibly get my hands on either DVDs or pornographic discs, so I just heard about them and that was it.

Now, hearing Li Jun suddenly mention this suddenly brought back those memories. I hadn't expected him to be able to get his hands on such things, but I remembered his family probably wasn't very wealthy.

So I asked him, "Do you have DVDs at home?"

He said, "I don't have any, but I know where I can watch these things, and on discs too. How about it, do you want to watch them?"

Having spent money to borrow books at noon, I knew he wasn't going to let me watch them for free, so I asked him, "Does it cost money?"

He nodded.

I said, "How much?"

He held up three fingers, and I hesitated, thinking that three cents was a lot.

Seeing my hesitation, he said, "Actually, you can use something else instead." Curious

, I asked, "What is it?"

He then started to act mysterious, telling me he'd tell me after school when no one was around.

Then he talked to me a bit about the stories in the book, asking which ones I had read. Afraid he'd find out my secret, I just casually mentioned a few and then stopped talking.

It wasn't until after school that afternoon, and this time we didn't go to any remote places—just somewhere not far from the school—that we hid and started discussing substitutes.

"Actually, you can use your mom's things instead of money."

"My mom's things?"

Hearing him say that, I was a little confused. What could my mom possibly use to substitute for money? Besides, if anything of hers was missing, she would definitely find out, and I wouldn't dare do that.

"Anything, underwear, bras, or socks will do."

When Li Jun mentioned these women's intimate items, I looked at him with a strange expression.

He explained, "These aren't what I want; it's what the person with the DVDs specifically asked for. He also said that if the items are good, he'll not only not charge me, he'll even pay me."

At first, I thought I misheard—not only free, but he'd even pay me!

Li Jun probably guessed what I was thinking and continued, "If it satisfies him, one or two yuan is no problem."

One or two yuan was a considerable sum back then, and I was tempted, but still hesitant.

At this point, Li Jun started encouraging me, saying, "If you only take one item, your mom won't find out."

I thought about it and said I needed to go back and think about it, so I went home.

Even after my mom came home to cook and I took a shower and went to bed, I was still restless.

Even in sixth grade, I still slept in the same room as my mom, but she no longer changed clothes in front of me without any hesitation; she would always tell me to leave.

When she came in to sleep after her shower, I was still thinking about what Li Jun had said. I couldn't fall asleep after turning off the light, so I sat up, intending to get out of bed.

"What's wrong?"

my mom asked, seeing me suddenly sit up.

"I'm going to the bathroom."

"Why didn't you go earlier? You're always like this, never preparing things beforehand. Turn on the light so you don't fall."

I did as my mom instructed, turning on the light and going out.

Actually, my real purpose wasn't to go to the bathroom, but to see if there were any clothes my mom had changed out of after showering. And I actually found some!

A pair of red cotton underwear, a pair of flesh-colored stockings, and a purple bra. It felt warm in my hands, and I excitedly brought the bra to my nose and smelled it deeply. It had a faint fragrance.

Because of the erotic storybook I had just read at noon, I started thinking about the content of the storybook, and my penis started to get a little erect again.

I wanted to smell it for a little longer, but then my mom suddenly called me. She hadn't finished looking at it for so long, so I put the underwear and bra away and quickly went back to sleep.

As soon as I got into bed, my mom told me to lie down and go to sleep, because I had to go to school the next day. But I was still thinking about the storybook and the bra I'd just seen, so I couldn't sleep at all. My mind was filled with the content of the book and what my mom would look like wearing those bras. I did

n't fall asleep until the middle of the night. After thinking it over several times, I decided that stealing my mom's underwear to sell was too dangerous. Not only would I easily get caught, but I'd be in big trouble if that kid Li Jun used it to blackmail me later.

Back then, it was common for kids to talk about whose mom had been slept with by so-and-so, or that whose mom was a slut. I didn't want my mom to be gossiped about.

After I refused Li Jun's advances, his attitude towards me became much colder, and I was glad I did.

Because later, a secret circulated among us boys—actually, it wasn't really a secret anymore, but it was something everyone already knew.

The rumor was that a boy in our class named Tian Xingteng had stolen his mother's underwear and been caught. Tian Xingteng didn't usually hang out with us; he was a bit dull and didn't seem like the type to do something like that.

So when the rumor first spread, no one else believed it, but I was the only one who knew it might be true. Around that time, I noticed Li Jun and Tian Xingteng were getting quite close, and I wondered how two people with such different personalities could get together.

Later, Li Jun stopped coming to school, supposedly dropping out, which further confirmed my suspicions. After that, it was said that Li Jun's family moved, and Tian Xingteng disappeared. Everyone just guessed that the rumors about Tian Xingteng might be true, which was why he left, but they couldn't fathom why Li Jun had moved.

I was terrified by their situation, afraid that Li Jun might expose me too. So, during those days when the rumors were rampant, I was worried about hearing my name mentioned in other people's conversations and also worried that Li Jun would come looking for me. My mental state was terrible.

So much so that when my mom saw how listless I was, she thought I was sick and wanted to take me to the doctor. At the hospital, the doctor asked me a few questions and said that my sleep problems were due to excessive stress. Because I was young, the doctor didn't dare prescribe any sleeping pills, so he prescribed some sleep aids instead.

My mom was quite puzzled. I wasn't a particularly diligent student, so why would I be so stressed at my age? She asked me why, and I couldn't think of any other excuse, so I just blurted out that it was because final exams were coming up. My mom was very happy to hear that and patted my head, saying I was growing up and becoming sensible.

That evening, my mom took out the medicine the doctor had prescribed and watched me take it, because she knew I didn't like taking medicine and was afraid of the bitterness.

When it was time for bed, she left the light on and watched me fall asleep first—a tenderness from my mother that I hadn't experienced in a long time since I grew up.

I don't know when I fell asleep, but I vaguely felt dizzy, and then I seemed to see a bright light, but it was very blurry. I rubbed my eyes desperately, but I still couldn't see clearly.

Then we came to a house with a large, rustic wooden tub inside, the kind the villagers usually use to hold rice. But now, a woman was sitting inside, completely naked.

My vision was blurry; I could only make out that she wasn't dressed. When I got to certain parts, my eyes became misty. Looking at her face, I could clearly see it was my mother, smiling brightly at me.

I'd never seen that smile on her before. Suddenly, she splashed water from the tub at me, but I felt nothing. She smiled and beckoned to me, and I went over.

Somehow, her clothes disappeared. She told me to sit down and bathe with her. I did as she instructed and sat in the tub. She washed herself, while my eyes were fixed on her chest. My mother saw me and just smiled gently at me. I don't know where I got the courage, but I reached out and tried to grab her.

Then, I woke up. The first thing I did was wake up completely, my mind was incredibly clear, and my back was sweating profusely, alternating between hot and cold. I remembered

that beautiful dream, both real and unreal, very clearly. The more I recalled the dream, the harder it was to distinguish between reality and illusion. I wonder if anyone else has ever had this feeling—knowing you were dreaming, but thinking back on it feels incredibly real, almost like it was real.

However, before I could even consider whether it was Zhuangzi dreaming of a butterfly or the butterfly transforming into Zhuangzi, I realized that a hand above me was grasping something soft and spherical. The texture was unlike anything I had ever felt before; it felt incredibly comfortable.

I immediately realized that this object belonged to my mother, because she was sleeping right next to me. My brain instantly connected this to what I had touched.

I had read descriptions of breasts in novels before, and they were described as incredibly soft and comfortable to touch. I had only ever glimpsed them before when peeking at others showering or when my mother changed clothes as a child.

My breathing quickened instantly. I knew this was wrong, and I'd be in deep trouble if my mother found out. But I kept telling myself, "Just a little longer, just a little longer, I'll let go right away."

When I first realized my hand was touching my mother's breast, I was terrified; my hand froze, too scared to move, just lying there on top of it. After a while, seeing that my mother wasn't moving, a wicked voice kept hypnotizing me: "Just touch it, try it, it feels good, what's there to be afraid of?"

I increased the pressure slightly, and that little pressure was enough for me to feel the allure and elasticity of a woman's breast.

This was like an addiction; once you got the first time, you'd want it again. My hands started gently squeezing my mother's breasts, all the while watching her reaction, afraid she'd wake up. It was probably the most focused I'd ever been in my life.

After playing like this for a while, a stronger wicked thought arose. Just gently touching her couldn't extinguish the fire burning within me. I was probably already lost in desire, disregarding all consequences, only wanting greater pleasure. I started squeezing my mother's breasts harder, feeling like I was about to burst them.

Later events confirmed my thoughts. Just one squeeze, and my mother, who had been fast asleep, suddenly let out a faint moan. Although it was very soft, I was paying close attention to her, and it was the quiet of the night, so it actually sounded quite loud.

At the time, I thought I had hurt her, that it was a painful cry, but now I realize it was hard to tell if the groan was from discomfort or pleasure. I was just too scared to move, remaining frozen in that position, my hand covering my mother's breast, my eyes fixed on her back.

When I saw her body move slightly, I quickly closed my eyes, but didn't pull my hand away, and dared not move again. I don't understand how I had such good composure back then; even now, I probably wouldn't react that quickly.

When my mother woke up, her breathing was different, which told me she was definitely awake, and it wasn't just a coincidence.

After a few seconds with my eyes closed, my mother gently removed my hand from her breast and placed it softly beside me. Then I heard what sounded like clothes being pulled, probably her adjusting her clothes.

The night returned to silence once more. Just when I thought it was over and was relieved I hadn't been discovered, a hand lightly brushed across my genitals.

I was startled, but I reacted quickly and immediately thought it was my mother, though I couldn't figure out what she was going to do.

The next second, my mother's fingers gently tapped my penis through my underwear. Because I had just touched my mother's breasts, my penis was still erect—or rather, not really erect, at least not the hard kind an adult has; it was just swollen and still relatively soft.

Perhaps startled by my erect penis, my mother suddenly stopped tapping it, and after a while, she started rubbing it with a few fingers.

Although she used very gentle pressure, I felt an indescribable comfort all over my body, even more so than when I touched her breasts.

Then, my mother seemed unsatisfied with just rubbing it with a few fingers, and she directly enveloped my penis with her entire palm. Her palm was warm, and because she probably took good care of it, there were no calluses. My penis felt incredibly comfortable in her hand.

Her movements were slow and gentle, her hand occasionally squeezing and tightening my penis. The feeling was like ascending to heaven; I still savor it to this day, but I've never experienced anything like it with my girlfriend or wife since.

After playing with it for a while, Mom released my penis, adjusted her body, and went back to sleep. I, still feeling the pleasure, drifted off to sleep as well.

When I woke up the next day, I found myself feeling exceptionally refreshed. I felt a little embarrassed when I saw Mom, but she showed no sign of anything amiss, making it impossible to imagine what she had done to me the night before.

A few days later, I finally confirmed with a classmate that Li Jun had left our village, and I felt a huge sense of relief.

Later nights, whenever I wanted to feel Mom's soft breasts again, my heart would pound. I always felt that if I did, she would immediately discover it, and I always wanted to wait until she was sound asleep before making my move.

But because I played wildly outside all day, I was always sleepy at night and would fall asleep on my own, so I never got my way again.

This continued until the summer after graduating from sixth grade. It felt like the happiest summer I'd ever had, because unlike now, we didn't have to choose schools. There was only one middle school in town, and all of us classmates were basically the same group after finishing elementary school, so there wasn't much difference.

My dad was coming home that summer. I was always so happy when he came back from working away from home, because he always brought me delicious food and fun toys.

But this year, I didn't have as much anticipation for his return.

We had planned to fly kites together with some friends, but because Da Lin, who was in charge, had to help with chores at home, the rest of us lost interest and canceled the plan. I wandered around outside for a while and was just about to go home when

I saw my mom pushing her bicycle down the road. There was a man beside her; I recognized him—he was my mom's colleague at the factory, whom I called Uncle Chen.

They walked and laughed. When my dad wasn't home, it was just my mom and me living together. She would always try to avoid men who bothered her, afraid of being gossiped about in the village.

But this Uncle Chen was an exception; I'd seen him walking and talking with my mom several times.

Suddenly, I saw Uncle Chen's hand seem to touch my mom's waist. Because it was too far away, I wasn't sure if I saw it correctly. But then my mom seemed to glare at him, got on her bike, and rode off. He smiled at my mom's retreating figure and also got on his bike and rode towards his home.

When I got home, my mom was cooking, humming a little tune, looking particularly happy. I asked her when my dad was coming back.

She smiled at me and said, "What? Missing your dad? Wait a little longer, he'll be back in a few days."

I don't know why I asked her that question then; I just really hoped my dad would come back at that moment and drive Uncle Chen away.

Another week or so passed, and finally my dad came back from his trip. Just as I'd hoped, he brought back lots of delicious food and fun toys for me. My mom scolded him a little, blaming him for wasting money, but my dad just smiled and didn't say anything.

During dinner, he specifically asked about my studies, and my mom told him the truth. My grades were just average, nothing special. My dad just said a few encouraging words, without any reproach, because in those days, finding a job mainly depended on connections. That night,

we only had one room. Since my dad was back, I naturally couldn't sleep in the same bed as my mom anymore, so we temporarily cobbled together a small wooden plank and two long benches to make a makeshift bed for me.

Because of the sudden change in bed, I, who usually fall asleep very easily, couldn't sleep. Actually, I was also anticipating something.

After being exposed to those erotic stories, I began to understand the secrets between adults, knowing that they always secretly did other things while sleeping, and that my dad, who hadn't been back for so long, must have been working hard all night.

Just as I expected, not long after I pretended to be asleep, I heard my dad's voice.

"Looks like you're asleep?"

"Go check on me."

My mom gestured for my dad to check if I was really asleep. Luckily, I was prepared. When my dad got out of bed and came to my side, he only saw me fast asleep.

"I checked, I'm asleep."

Then I heard my dad get back into bed, and the bed creaked. Back then, our bed was one of those wooden plank beds, and even the slightest movement would make a creaking sound.

"Be quiet, don't turn around and wake Chengcheng."

"Don't worry, kids don't wake up easily."

My mom didn't say anything more after that.

Then I heard kissing sounds again. I was already prepared, so when I lay on my side, my face was towards my mom and dad.

At this moment, I secretly opened my eyes a little, squinting at the bed.

With the help of that little bit of moonlight, I could see quite clearly that my dad was on top of my mom, passionately kissing her. They were covered by a thin sheet, which covered their lower bodies, while their upper bodies were naked.

It was the first time in so many years that I had seen my mom's breasts. Under the moonlight, they looked particularly white and round. Although they weren't particularly large, they were beautifully shaped. I only learned later that they were called "bamboo shoot breasts."

My dad kept his mouth on my mom's tongue, and one hand kept kneading her breasts. I had secretly tried it before, so I knew how comfortable it felt.

What's more, I was incredibly nervous at the time, and dared not use too much force. Now, seeing my dad shamelessly kneading and shaping her breasts, constantly changing their form in his hands, a surge of anger welled up inside me.

Even if I managed to drive away Uncle Chen first, there's still my dad next. Wouldn't I never be able to touch my mom's body again?

After a series of kisses, my dad released my mom's lips, his hand moving down with a smile. I don't know what he touched, but my mom seemed startled. Well, not exactly startled, but her voice sounded like she was in discomfort.

My dad's hand fiddled under the sheet for a long time before finally emerging. His fingers, glistening in the moonlight, seemed to have been coated with honey.

Then it dawned on me—this was what they called "vaginal fluid" when a woman is in pleasure, as described in books. So, my mom had been moaning comfortably, not in discomfort from my dad's actions.

He held his finger up to my mother's face as if to let her smell it, but my mother turned her head away in embarrassment.

"I've been away from home for so long, have you been missing me? You've gotten so wet in such a short time."

My mother didn't speak, but I could hear her rapid breathing. Seeing that my mother didn't answer, my father persisted, holding his finger, which was covered in her vaginal fluid, to my mother's nose. My mother angrily pushed it away.

"You rascal, you're playing tricks on me as soon as you get back. If you don't hurry up, you won't be able to get out of bed again."

At this moment, my father's gentleness vanished, and he suddenly became fierce.

"You'll find out whether you can get out or not in a moment. I'll make sure you can't get out of bed tomorrow."

After that, neither of them spoke. My father fiddled with the sheets for a while longer, and with a thrust of his hip, my mother and he both let out a low moan.

Then the wooden bed started creaking and groaning. My mom patted my dad, telling him to be quiet, probably to wake me. But I thought he was being too rough, and my mom couldn't take it anymore. She wouldn't listen and instead became even more aggressive.

My mom gritted her teeth and endured it, looking very tired, almost unable to speak.

Their movements were rather simple, just man on top, woman on bottom, without any fancy moves, not as varied as described in books.

They mechanically continued like this for about ten minutes. With my dad's final, violent thrust, he stopped, panting heavily, and lay on top of my mom.

After a while, he got up, took some tissues from the cabinet, and wiped himself. After wiping herself a bit, my mom suddenly looked in my direction, which startled me so much that I immediately closed my eyes, wondering if she had seen me.

Then I heard someone get up, put on their shoes, and come to my bedside, gently covering me with the blanket.

The scent of soap on her clothes told me my mom had gotten up. She left the room, and I heard running water outside; she must have gone to wash up. She didn't return for a while.

When she came back, my dad was already snoring away, fast asleep. My mom stood by the bed, sighed softly, lost in thought, and finally lay down to sleep too. I, on the other hand, kept thinking about what they had just done, and it took me ages to fall asleep.

My dad had stayed home for about a month this time, but they didn't secretly do things like last night many times. My mom didn't seem particularly happy about my dad's return; she seemed indifferent. It wasn't until my dad left again to work that a hint of reluctance appeared on her face.

Some time after my dad left, I came home one day, and Uncle Chen, who worked at the same factory as my mom, was also there. He saw me and kindly asked about my grades, but I already had a prejudice against him and didn't like him much, so I just exchanged a few words and went back to my room. He stayed a while longer and then left. After that, I never saw him come to my house again or come home from work with my mom. Then, in my second year of junior high, my dad said he'd made a lot of money, and our whole family moved to the county town. After that, we lost

all contact. When I got to the county town, I realized how vast the outside world was; many things were new to me. However, in this new environment, I couldn't keep in touch with my old friends anymore, and I often became withdrawn after school.

Fortunately, I met a new friend, my classmate. I think we became good friends because we were in similar circumstances. His name was Su Wen, a very delicate name, and he was also delicate-looking. His personality, like his appearance, seemed somewhat frail.

One day after school, I saw him being bullied by some students from other classes. I couldn't stand it and stepped in to help him. Kids in the countryside are usually quite mischievous, and fighting is commonplace. I easily chased those students away. That's how I truly got to know him. One of us was new to the county town and had few friends, while the other was timid and afraid to socialize. These two people, with similar circumstances, became friends.

Su Wen's family was relatively wealthy, which was evident in his clothing, demeanor, and upbringing. Before coming to the county town, I often heard people in the village say that city people were snobbish, only befriending the rich, and that the poor couldn't even get close to them. But after getting to know him, Su Wen was at least not like that. He genuinely considered me a good friend, inviting me to his house for the weekend after only two weeks of knowing each other. I was already bored to death in this place, so I readily agreed. When

I first arrived at Su Wen's house, it was very clean and tidy, seemingly regularly cleaned. He was the only one home when I arrived.

"Are you home alone?"

"Yes, my mom went to work."

I found this a bit odd. Why didn't he mention his father? I didn't see anyone else at home! But I've grown up eventually, and I know what I can and cannot ask others, so I kept those questions to myself.

Back then, the Famicom (Nintendo Entertainment System) was very popular, but firstly, these game consoles were too expensive; only wealthy families could afford them. Secondly, there was a saying that these consoles were like "spiritual heroin," addictive and detrimental to one's life. Therefore, many parents strictly forbade their children from touching them, let alone buying them. This outdated thinking still lingers with that generation of parents today.

Surprisingly, Su Wen's family had one. I had once played in a secretly run arcade and was immediately captivated by its unprecedented fun, but the pay-per-play model was far too expensive; after a few visits, my allowance was insufficient.

Su Wen and I played games until noon. Then Su Wen told me he was going to buy lunch and that he could play by himself while he went out. I played for a while longer, but after my character died, I felt tired and paused to rest. I also got up to use the restroom.

As I pulled up my pants and came out of the bathroom, I glanced back at their balcony. There was a row of clothes hanging there drying, including what looked like women's clothes and underwear. I don't know why, but suddenly a small flame ignited within me. When I imagined what I might do next, my mind went blank, and I unconsciously walked towards the balcony.

Those few steps made my heart pound. Looking at those black lace panties, I realized I'd never seen anything like them with my mother. Were they Su Wen's mother's panties? So sexy! That's what I was thinking.

Just as my hand was about to touch them, I heard the sound of keys turning in the door. I snapped back to reality and quickly went back into my room. Su Wen returned with lunch takeout.

"Why aren't you playing anymore?"

"Oh! I was a little tired, so I got up to walk around."

Su Wen didn't suspect my lie at all.

After lunch, I started to feel sleepy. I originally planned to rest for a while before getting up to play games, but before I knew it, I slept until after four in the afternoon.

Just as I was about to say goodbye to Su Wen and go home, his mother came back. He was a little surprised to see me. Su Wen then introduced me to his mother: "Mom, this is my classmate, Zhang Sicheng. Come to our house to play."

"Hello, Auntie, my name is Zhang Sicheng."

"Hello, welcome to our house."

Su Wen's mother wasn't particularly beautiful, but she had a very pleasing and charming look. I can't quite put my finger on it, maybe it's a kind of temperament!

"Are you going home already? Stay and have some dinner before you leave!" Aunt Su tried to persuade me to stay for dinner, but perhaps because I felt guilty about what I had done earlier, I didn't want to stay any longer.

"No, Auntie, I should go home. It's so late, my mom will worry if I don't go back soon."

"Oh, okay, then Auntie won't keep you. Be careful on your way home, come over and visit anytime."

After some polite exchanges, I finally left Su Wen's house. After returning home, I found myself thinking about Su Wen's mother. We had only met once and hadn't even exchanged a few words, so why did I feel so special for her? It was strange.

In the days that followed, I would go to Su Wen's house to play whenever I had free time. It wasn't always just to play games; sometimes I would take him out to play basketball. Otherwise, even if Aunt Su was very hospitable, she would probably find me annoying.

"Wen, your skills have improved a lot lately, you're almost

as good as me." "Hehe, that's all thanks to your excellent teaching!"

"Hey, call me 'master,' am I that old?"

Since we started playing together, Su Wen seemed like a different person. He became more talkative, more lively, and bolder. His classmates could hardly recognize him as the timid, girlish Wen from before.

After playing a game of basketball, I parted ways with Su Wen on the court, drenched in sweat. When I got home and was about to take a shower, I noticed a pair of leather shoes by the front door. I was pretty sure they weren't my dad's.

I didn't think much of it at the time and called out as usual, "Mom, I'm home." Immediately afterward, I heard a noise coming from my parents' bedroom. Before I could even figure out what was happening, the bedroom door opened.

"Chengcheng's back? Come on, come see your Uncle Chen. He's in the city on business and came to visit us. He brought a lot of things."

To my surprise, Uncle Chen was also coming out of the bedroom with my mom. I hadn't seen him since my dad's last visit; I never expected him to suddenly appear in my house today.

"Chengcheng has grown so much, I almost didn't recognize him! Do you still recognize Uncle Chen?"

"What are you talking about? How could I forget? It hasn't been that long! Right, Chengcheng?"

Uncle Chen, whose hair was neatly combed, joked with me. Before I could even speak, my mother spoke up for him.

I felt strange at that moment, but I couldn't explain why. I just felt inexplicably disgusted and repulsed by Uncle Chen. I just said a few perfunctory words, told them I was going to take a shower, went back to my room to get my clothes, and went into the bathroom, ignoring them.

As I let the hot water from the showerhead wash away the grime from my body, my mind slowly returned to its usual calm. The more I thought about it, the more uneasy I felt. Why would Uncle Chen come to my house? What were he and my mother doing in the bedroom? They could have chatted in the living room.

An ominous premonition enveloped my heart. The more I thought about it, the more uneasy I became. I didn't even feel like showering anymore. I just wiped myself down a few times with a towel and prepared to leave. Just as I was about to open the door to go out, I heard my mother's voice outside.

"Hurry up and go, Chengcheng will be out of the shower soon." My mother's voice sounded hurried and tense, and she seemed to be feeling unwell; her tone had changed.

"Then can I come see you again in a few days?"

"No, you can't come anymore. This is an exception, otherwise neither of us should live."

Uncle Chen didn't expect my mother to be so resolute. He was silent for a few seconds. "Okay, I understand, I... I'm leaving." Then I heard the sound of the door opening and closing; she must have left.

I stayed in the bathroom for a while before coming out. My mother's face showed no sign of anything unusual. She was still making dinner for me as usual, but I knew that she and Uncle Chen were definitely hiding something from me.

Deep down, I could vaguely guess what was going on, but I just didn't want to face it. As long as I didn't see it with my own eyes, it might not be true, and I was just overthinking it. I comforted myself with that thought.

Later, Uncle Chen kept his promise to my mother and never came to my house again. My dad's work also started to settle down, and he had more free time, no longer constantly away from home like before.

Time flew by, and before I knew it, I was in my final year of junior high. The high school entrance exam was just a few months away, but it wasn't that important to me. Everyone else was putting in their best effort to get into a top high school, while I only needed to attend an ordinary one; the pressure wasn't as great. Su Wen, however, was different. He had excellent grades, consistently ranking among the top students in his class, and the teachers had high hopes for him.

My average grades were largely due to studying with him on weekends, which also made our two families quite close. Later, I learned from my mom that Su Wen's father had divorced Aunt Su long ago, and Aunt Su was raising Su Wen alone—a single-parent family. It

suddenly dawned on me then that Su Wen's withdrawn personality was no surprise; I realized it was related to his family background.

For a while afterward, I especially enjoyed going to Su Wen's house to play and study with him. The reason for this was that ever since Uncle Chen came to our house that day, a shadow had been cast over my heart. Although I didn't have direct evidence to prove that my mother and Uncle Chen were having an affair, this thought clung to the depths of my heart like a shadow, refusing to leave.

Whenever I saw my mother chatting and laughing with my father, asking about my health and grades with feigned concern, I would always think that everything this woman did was an act, that she was having an affair with another man behind my father's and my back. Just thinking about it like that, all her kindness immediately turned into dirty malice.

In the final months before the high school entrance exam, I often went to Su Wen's house to study with him. It wasn't that I planned to study hard to get into a top high school, but rather that someone I wanted to see there was Aunt Su.

Compared to my own mother, Su Wen's mother suddenly seemed incredibly admirable in my eyes. Her gentleness and kindness constantly warmed my heart. For a while, I longed to see her every single day. How wonderful it would be if she were my mother!

"Ding-dong...ding-dong..." I rang Su Wen's doorbell, and after a while, Aunt Su opened the door.

"Oh! Chengcheng's here! Wenwen isn't home today!"

I hadn't expected such bad luck; I had originally planned to ask Su Wen some questions.

"Don't stand outside, come in quickly. He might not be back for a while."

I had originally planned to leave, but since Aunt Su said so, I pretended to be obedient and entered the house. This was one of the reasons I had come—to talk to her more and see her more.

"Here, have a glass of water first!"

"Don't bother, I can do it myself."

"You're still being so polite with Auntie, or Auntie will get angry."

Sometimes Aunt Su would act like a little girl, and perhaps it was this mentality that made her look much younger than other women her age.

"How's your studying going lately? Don't put too much pressure on yourself." Aunt Su handed me a glass of water.

"It's alright. I'm only so confident about getting into a top high school. I probably have no chance, but I'm pretty sure I'll get into a regular one."

"Hehe, you're such a playful kid. If you studied hard, with your intelligence, you wouldn't have trouble getting into a good high school."

"Then I'll just stay like this. Sitting there all day, not moving at all, would be so uncomfortable. I can't learn from Wen."

"Sigh, Wenwen has no choice. He doesn't like playing with people and only goes to home and school. Luckily, he made you his friend, and he's become much bolder than before."

"That's good. I've learned a lot from Wen too, otherwise my grades would still be at the bottom of the class!"

"Oh! I forgot, I left my clothes outside and haven't brought them in yet. It's going to rain soon." Saying this, Aunt Su immediately stood up from the sofa and went to the balcony.

"In that case, Auntie, I'll head back now. I didn't bring an umbrella, and I won't be able to get back later."

"Wait! Finish your meal before you leave. What's the rush? Auntie has an umbrella here. If you leave, Auntie will be angry."

I usually stay here to eat if I study late. This place has almost become my second home. My parents know I went to Su Wen's house, so they aren't worried even if I go back a little late.

After making up my mind, I sat down there with peace of mind. I glanced unintentionally at the balcony, where Auntie was collecting clothes. I don't know if her clothes didn't fit or had shrunk, but when she raised her hand, the hem of her clothes pulled up with the movement of her arm, revealing her fair and slender waist.

Although it was just a side view, I already had an indescribable feeling for Auntie Su, a feeling that was both admiration and dependence, hard to explain.

"I'll go put the clothes away first. Chengcheng, take care of yourself!"

Just as Auntie was about to walk past me, she suddenly tripped over something, fell forward, and the clothes in the basket scattered all over the ground.

"Auntie, are you alright? How are you?" I quickly helped her up.

"I'm fine, I'm fine. I don't worry about walking anymore, Auntie's alright."

Seeing that she was alright, I breathed a sigh of relief and quickly helped her pick up the clothes on the floor.

"Huh? What's this..." As I was taking the clothes from the floor into the basket one by one, I suddenly found a purple thong, which made me completely flustered.

In those days, thongs were considered very avant-garde underwear, and women with more traditional views would find them difficult to accept. I never expected that Auntie would buy such a thing.

"Oh!" Auntie couldn't help but exclaim when she saw me holding her private items. I was even more startled and didn't know what to do. I could only quickly throw the thong into the basket, pretending that nothing had happened, and hurriedly stuffed the other things into the basket.

"Auntie, all done." When I handed the basket to Auntie Su, she looked at the ground and didn't dare to look at me. She responded softly and quickly went to her room.

I couldn't stand being there any longer, so I yelled into the bedroom, "I'm going back now," and without waiting for Aunt Su's reaction, I rushed out the door.

For a long time afterward, I didn't dare go to Su Wen's house. When Su Wen asked me what was wrong, I could only make up excuses.

Not long after I learned I'd been accepted into high school, my parents told me something: they were getting divorced. I can't describe the situation or how I felt at the time; I just felt that if this was a dream, I begged it to wake up! However, in the end, my father still left us, going to another city, leaving me, still in a daze and unable to believe the truth, and my mother, who was constantly in tears.

I didn't ask about the specific reason for their divorce at the time, but later I guessed something from some of my mother's words—it was probably related to that Uncle Chen. I don't know when my father found out about this; he endured it all until now before divorcing me. I'm grateful to him; I'm not sad at all by his actions, but rather I feel a sense of relief for him.

As for my mother, for a long time afterward, I hardly spoke to her. Except for meals and asking for money, I basically avoided seeing her.

Around my junior year of high school, she told me she wanted to get married and had found an uncle. I immediately asked her, "Is it that guy surnamed Chen?" She was stunned by my question; she probably never expected her son to know her secret!

Then she said, "So you already knew," which further confirmed my suspicions from back then and the reason for our divorce. She wanted to explain further, but I didn't listen. I turned and went back to my room, leaving her with the words, "If you want to get married, go ahead."

Not long after, my mother got married. The man wasn't that Uncle Chen; his surname was Yi. He came to see me once the day before the wedding, and I didn't respond to his advances; I just locked myself in my room.

After my mother got married, she moved in with Uncle Yi, only coming back on weekends. During the week, she would leave me plenty of money or come over to cook me a meal. My hatred for her grew daily. Seeing her living a happy and comfortable life now made me feel sorry for my father. I gradually stopped seeing her as my mother and started seeing her as a woman, a woman I both loved and hated.

When I was little, my dad worked away from home and rarely came back, leaving just my mom and me at home.

Back then, women in rural areas married and had children very young.

I never really noticed how beautiful my mom was until I was about six or seven years old. One day, while playing with my friends, a boy named Wang An suddenly said to everyone, "Zhang Sicheng's mom is really beautiful."

Then the other kids joined in, chattering about whose mom was pretty, had a big bottom, big breasts, or which woman in the village was beautiful.

I didn't understand why Wang An was suddenly talking about my mom, but my vanity was greatly satisfied.

When I got home, I happily told my mom about it. She just smiled, patted my head, and went to cook for me without saying anything.

It was around this time that I first realized how beautiful my mother's swaying hips were when she walked.

When I was little, my father wasn't home, and I was afraid of the dark, so I slept in the same room as my mother. She never hesitated to change

clothes in front of me. I often saw her changing her underwear in the room, taking it off right in front of me. I got used to it and didn't think much of it.

At night, I especially loved to snuggle into her arms, and she would hold my head and tuck me into her chest.

My mother was a very clean person; she bathed every day with soap, and her body always smelled wonderful afterward, unlike the other women in the village.

Because I was young, my mother always bathed me beside her. I was quite mischievous and liked to scoop up bathwater and splash it on her, but only a little at a time. If I splashed too much and wet her clothes, she would get angry.

Every time I took a bath, my mom would always clean my penis. At the time, I didn't understand anything about sex; I just felt that my mom's hands felt very comfortable and gentle on my penis, and I always looked forward to her cleaning it during bath time.

This continued until about fifth or sixth grade. One day, a boy named Li Jun, who sat next to me, mysteriously asked if I wanted to see something interesting. I nodded, and he said he'd show it to me after school.

Being a child, I was easily lured by his mysterious promise, and I barely paid attention in class all morning, just waiting for school to end.

Finally, school was over, and I asked Li Jun if I could see it. He smiled mysteriously, pulled me towards the school gate, and walked quite a distance until we reached a corner in an alley. Then he unzipped his backpack and took the thing out.

As soon as he took it out, I saw it was just a book, wrapped tightly in a pre-cut book cover; I couldn't even see the title.

I said, a little annoyed, "You're showing me this? I thought you were going to tell me something good."

Kids love to play, and I'm no exception. I can barely sit still in class, and asking me to read a book made me wonder if Li Jun had something wrong with his head.

Li Jun, however, wasn't in a hurry at all. He calmly told me, "Open it and take a look first, then we'll talk."

I thought, since I was already here, there was no harm in looking, so I took the oiled paper book from him and opened it. Li Jun, on the other hand, looked around furtively, as if he were about to be discovered.

After flipping through a few pages, I was immediately drawn to the contents. It turned out to be a pornographic storybook.

Children in rural areas tend to be more sexually precocious. Even at a young age, they learn about things like "fucking" and "breasts" from the vulgar language of adults.

Just a few months ago, I and some other kids from the village had secretly watched the village women bathe.

Back then, it was common for kids to form sworn brotherhoods, which they learned from the older, idle boys in the village who didn't study.

Among our group of friends, there was this one big brother figure. He and three of us had become sworn brothers. One day, he suddenly asked us if we wanted to see what a woman's body looked like.

We immediately nodded like chickens pecking at rice. He imitated the bosses on TV, waving his hand to signal us to follow him.

We arrived at the back of a house, and he told us that someone would be taking a bath soon, and we could see them from there, pointing to the glass above.

We then realized that a piece of glass in that window was broken, but it was quite high up, about twice our height, so we couldn't see it even on tiptoe.

He said, "You guys are so stupid! Why don't you stand on each other's shoulders to see?"

We all thought it was a good idea, and to be safer, we stood on each other's shoulders, one foot each, to distribute the weight.

Not long after, we heard sounds coming from inside. My older brother made a shushing gesture, and we all obediently kept quiet. After a while, we heard the sound of water, and we knew the woman inside had started taking a bath.

Because I was the thinnest among them, we had decided that I would go up first to see if it was okay, and then we would go up one by one.

So, according to the original plan, the other two stronger friends squatted on the ground, and my older brother and the other friend helped me up by placing me on their shoulders. Then, they each held my feet and slowly stood up, leaning me against the glass.

Surprisingly, my height plus the height of the two friends below me was just enough to reach the broken glass. It must have been fate.

I opened my eyes wide and looked inside. A pale woman was sitting in the bathtub in front of me, using a long-handled ladle to scoop bathwater and pour it over herself.

Since I grew up, my mother seems to have become more conscious of her words and actions in front of me. She no longer changes clothes without restraint in front of me, and even when I take a bath, she only wipes my back; I have to wash the rest of my body myself.

Because the more unattainable something is, the more I desire it, and besides, at this age I understand many things I didn't before, but it's too late; I can't see them even if I want to.

So now, being able to see a woman's mysterious body again, I don't know how excited I am.

However, because the bathing area is covered by curtains, the room is very dark, and even if I get very close, I can't see very clearly. There's also glass in front, so I don't dare to put my head directly in.

I just kept blinking and looking. My friends below, having stood for too long, couldn't take it anymore and asked if I was done looking and if it was time to switch. I don't know if they were talking too loudly and they heard me, or if they heard me talking through the glass.

Suddenly, the woman bathing inside looked in my direction and started screaming. I was so scared that I quickly made them put me down, and then the group ran away.

Afterwards, they complained that I looked at it for too long, saying they hadn't seen anything. I lied and said I hadn't seen anything either, that it was too dark to see anything, which was actually about the same as, just a little better.

This was probably my earliest sexual awakening, so when I saw the erotic storybook Li Jun gave me, I was incredibly excited. By fifth or sixth grade, I could recognize most of the words, so even though the descriptions of sex were just words, I still blushed terribly.

I hadn't even read a few pages, and I was getting really excited, when Li Jun snatched the book away and put it in his bag.

"I haven't finished reading it yet."

"Isn't it good? I told you it's a good thing, do you want to read it?"

"Yes, yes, yes."

"Then I can lend it to you, but you have to pay."

I said a little worriedly, "How much?"

Li Jun thought for a moment and said, "Just fifty cents, I'll lend it to you for three days."

Money was different back then. Adults' monthly salary was probably only a few tens or a hundred yuan, so fifty cents was a considerable sum for me.

Finally, I discussed with him whether I could give him one cent a day, and I could pay him back whenever I finished reading. This way, I could read faster and save some money. He thought about it and agreed.

I immediately pulled out the two cents my mom had given me for pocket money that day, gave one to Li Jun, but he said he needed an extra cent, saying it was a deposit. He said if the book was discovered and my mom confiscated it, or if it got damaged, I'd have to pay for it. I gritted my teeth and gave it to him.

I carefully put the yellow storybook into my schoolbag and hurried home. Walking home, I felt like everyone was watching me, as if they had all discovered my secret. Looking back now, I realize how timid I was.

When I got home, my mom was already back, waiting for me to eat. Because of what happened with Li Jun, I was home later than usual. She casually asked why I was so late. I was startled and stammered that I had to do chores that day, so she didn't ask anything more.

At noon, my mom had to go to work at the factory. Since it was still early before school, she reminded me not to oversleep and to remember to go to school early before leaving.

When I heard her close the door as she left, my heart pounded wildly, a strange, indescribable feeling washing over me.

I ran out of the room quickly, opened the door to confirm my mother was indeed gone, then rushed back to my room, closed the door, and began my erotic reading journey.

It's strange, really. Normally, I find reading a few lines of a Chinese textbook incredibly boring and impossible to concentrate on, but now, reading these erotic stories is like seeing something delicious—I don't even blink.

It was at this moment that I first learned that a woman's genitals are called "bi" or "slutty bi," and that a man's penis is called "jiba."

I'd heard before that men and women have children by inserting their penises into each other's vaginas, but I didn't know the specifics until I read the book.

This storybook is made up of a series of short stories of various kinds, including one about incest between mother and son. When I saw the title, "Me and My Big-Breasted Mom," I felt my whole body heat up, and my penis even got a little erect.

So I read it with great interest. Although the story itself wasn't very detailed or elaborate, it seemed to involve me massaging my mother's body, touching her, and then she became aroused and let her son have sex with her.

But for me, who hadn't seen much of the world at the time, it was incredibly stimulating, especially the description of my mother's figure—full breasts and a plump bottom, her hips swaying—it was exactly like my own mother.

Without realizing it, I started to see the woman in the book as my own mother. After finishing the story, I still felt unsatisfied, flipping through the book looking for more stories about incest between mother and son, but unfortunately, there were only three or four such stories in the entire book.

Then, when I tried to read other types of stories, I couldn't get into them. The thrill of reading incestuous stories was gone. I ended up repeatedly reading the same few mother-son stories, completely oblivious to the fact that it was time for school.

By the time I remembered I had to go to school, at least ten minutes into class. I ran to the classroom, and luckily, I'm usually well-behaved in class, so the teacher only said a few words and let me sit down.

As soon as I sat down, Li Jun grinned mischievously and whispered to me, "How was it? Pretty good, right?"

"It's good. I'll give it back to you after school."

Li Jun was startled and exclaimed in surprise, "Really? You read it so fast?"

I didn't want to tell him that I had only read the incestuous stories I liked and hadn't read the others, so I told him, "I only read a few that were good; the others weren't interesting."

He started to ponder, probably thinking about how to make more money off me. He never imagined I had finished reading it in just one day.

After a while, he said, "Do you want to see anything else?"

"Anything else? Do you have any other books?"

"I have plenty of books. Do you have anything else that's more interesting?"

"What is it?"

My curiosity was piqued once again.

"You know DVDs, right?"

Of course I knew about DVDs. In those days, only a few wealthy families could afford them, and I had heard from the beginning that they were for watching pornographic DVDs.

But I couldn't get my hands on either DVDs or pornographic DVDs, so I just listened to them and didn't think much of it.

Now, hearing Li Jun suddenly mention it brought back those memories. I hadn't expected him to be able to get his hands on such things, but I remembered that his family shouldn't be very wealthy.

So I asked him, "Do you have DVDs at home?"

He said, "I don't have any at home, but I know where I can watch them, and on DVDs too. How about it, do you want to watch them?"

Having spent money to borrow books at noon, I knew he wasn't going to let me watch them for free, so I asked him, "Does it cost money?"

He nodded.

I asked, "How much will it cost?"

He gestured with three fingers, and I hesitated, realizing it was three cents.

Seeing my hesitation, he said, "Actually, you can use something else instead."

Curious, I asked, "What is it?"

He then mysteriously told me he'd tell me after school when no one was around. He

then chatted about some stories in a book, asking which ones I'd read. Afraid he'd find out my secret, I just casually mentioned a few and stopped talking.

After school, this time we didn't go to any remote places, just somewhere not far from the school, and hid to discuss alternative items.

"Actually, you can use your mother's things instead of money."

"My mother's things?"

Hearing this, I was puzzled. What could my mother possibly use to replace money? Besides, if anything of hers was missing, she would definitely find out, and I wouldn't dare do that.

“Anything is fine, underwear, bras, or socks.”

When Li Jun mentioned these women’s intimate items, I looked at him with a strange expression.

He explained, “These aren’t what I want; it’s what the person with the DVD specifically requested. He also said that if the items are good, he’ll not only not charge me, he’ll even pay me.”

At first, I thought I misheard—not only free, but he’d pay me.

Li Jun probably guessed what I was thinking and continued, “If he’s satisfied, one or two yuan is no problem.”

One or two yuan was a considerable sum back then, and I was tempted, but still hesitant.

At this point, Li Jun started encouraging me, saying, “If you only take one item, your mom won’t find out.”

I thought about it and said I needed to go back and think about it, so I went home.

Even after my mom came home to cook and I took a shower and went to bed, I was still uneasy.

Even in sixth grade, I still slept in the same room as my mom, but she no longer changed clothes in front of me without any restraint. Every time she changed clothes, she would call me out.

When she came in to sleep after her shower, I was still thinking about what Li Jun had said. Even with the light off, I couldn't fall asleep, so I sat up to get out of bed.

"What's wrong?"

my mom asked, seeing me suddenly sit up.

"I'm going to the bathroom."

"Why didn't you go earlier? You're always like this, never preparing beforehand. Turn on the light so you don't fall."

I did as my mom instructed, turning on the light and going out.

Actually, my real purpose wasn't to go to the bathroom, but to see if my mom had changed out of her clothes after her shower. And I actually found some!

A pair of red cotton panties, flesh-colored stockings, and a purple bra. It felt warm in my hands, and I excitedly brought the bra to my nose and smelled it deeply; it had a faint fragrance.

Because of the erotic storybook I had read at noon, I thought about the content of the storybook, and my penis started to get a little erect again.

I had originally planned to smell it a little longer, but my mom suddenly called me, saying it hadn't finished after all this time. I quickly put the underwear and bra away and went back to bed.

As soon as I got into bed, my mom told me to lie down and go to sleep, as I had to go to school the next day. But I was still aroused by the storybook and the bra I'd just smelled, and I couldn't concentrate on sleeping. My mind was filled with the content of the book and what my mom would look like wearing those bras. I didn't fall asleep until the early hours of the morning.

In the end, after thinking it over several times, I decided that stealing my mom's underwear to sell was too dangerous. Not only would I easily be discovered, but

I would also be in big trouble if that kid Li Jun used it to blackmail me later. Back then, it was very common among kids to talk about whose mom had been slept with by so-and-so, or that whose mom was a slut. I didn't want my mom to be gossiped about.

Ever since I refused Li Jun's request, his attitude towards me had become much colder, and I was glad I had refused him.

Later, a secret circulated among us boys—well, it wasn't really a secret anymore, but it was something everyone already knew.

It was said that a boy in our class named Tian Xingteng had stolen his mother's underwear and been caught. Tian Xingteng didn't usually hang out with us; he was a bit dull and didn't seem like the type to do something like that.

So when the rumor first came out, no one else believed it, but I was the only one who knew it might be true. Around that time, I noticed Li Jun and Tian Xingteng were getting quite close, and I wondered how two people with such different personalities could get together.

Then Li Jun stopped coming to school, supposedly dropping out, which further confirmed my suspicions. After that, it was said that Li Jun's family moved, and Tian Xingteng disappeared. Everyone just guessed that the rumors about Tian Xingteng might be true, which was why he left, but they couldn't fathom why Li Jun had suddenly moved away.

I was terrified by their affair, afraid that Li Jun might expose me too. So, during those days when rumors about them were rampant, I was worried about hearing my name mentioned in other people's conversations and also worried that Li Jun would come looking for me. My mental state was terrible.

My mom saw how listless I was and thought I was sick, so she took me to the doctor. At the hospital, the doctor asked me a few questions and said that my sleep problems were due to excessive stress. Because I was young, the doctor didn't dare prescribe any sleeping pills, so he prescribed some sleep aids instead.

My mom was quite puzzled. I'm not a particularly diligent student, so why would I be so stressed at my age? She asked me why, and I couldn't think of any other excuse, so I just blurted out that it was because final exams were coming up. My mom was very happy to hear that and patted my head, saying that I had grown up and become sensible.

That evening, my mom brought out the medicine the doctor prescribed and watched me take it, because she knew I didn't like taking medicine and was afraid of the bitter taste.

When it was time to sleep at night, she would leave the light on and watch me until I fell asleep. This was a tenderness from my mother that I hadn't experienced in a long time since I grew up.

I don't know when I fell asleep, but I vaguely felt dizzy. Then I seemed to see a bright light, but it was very blurry. I rubbed my eyes hard, but I still couldn't see clearly.

Then I came to a house. There was a large, rustic, round wooden bucket in the house, the kind the villagers usually used to hold rice. But now there was a woman sitting inside, without any clothes on.

My eyes could only make out that she wasn't dressed. When I got to some of her more intimate parts, my vision blurred. But when I looked at her face, I could clearly see that it was my mother. She was smiling at me so brightly.

I had never seen that smile on her before. Suddenly, she splashed water from the bucket at me, but I didn't feel anything. She smiled and waved to me, and I went over.

Somehow, my clothes disappeared. She told me to sit down and bathe with her. I did as she instructed and sat in the wooden tub. She washed herself, while my eyes were fixed on her chest. My mother saw me and just smiled gently at me. I don't know where I got the courage, but I reached out to grab her.

Then, I woke up. The first thing I did was wake up with a crystal-clear mind, my back sweating profusely, alternating between hot and cold. I remembered that beautiful dream, both real and unreal, very clearly.

The more I recalled the dream, the harder it was to distinguish between reality and illusion. I wonder if anyone else has ever had this feeling—knowing it was a dream, but thinking back on it feels incredibly real, almost like it was real.

But the next second, before I could even consider whether it was Zhuangzi dreaming of a butterfly or the butterfly transforming into Zhuangzi, I found my hand above me grasping something soft and spherical. The texture was unlike anything I had ever felt before; it felt incredibly comfortable.

It was only then that I realized the object belonged to my mother, because she was sleeping right next to me. My mind immediately connected the dots and I realized what I had touched.

I had read descriptions of breasts in novels before, and they were described as incredibly soft and comfortable to touch. I had only ever glimpsed them before, when peeking at others showering or when my mother changed clothes as a child.

My breathing quickened. I knew this was wrong, and I would be in deep trouble if my mother found out. But I kept telling myself, "Just a little longer, just a little longer, I'll let go right away."

When I first realized my hand was touching my mother's breast, I was so frightened that my hand stiffened, and I didn't dare move. I just covered it with my hand. After a while, seeing that my mother wasn't moving, a wicked voice kept hypnotizing me: "Touch it and see, it feels good, what's there to be afraid of?"

I increased the pressure slightly, and that little pressure was enough for me to feel the allure and elasticity of a woman's breast.

This was like an addiction; once you got the first time, you'd want it again. My hands started gently squeezing my mother's breasts, all the while watching her reaction, afraid she'd wake up. It was probably the most focused I'd ever been in my life.

After playing like this for a while, a stronger wicked thought arose. Just gently touching her couldn't extinguish the fire burning within me. I was probably already lost in desire, disregarding all consequences, only wanting greater pleasure. I started squeezing my mother's breasts harder, feeling like I was about to burst them.

Later events confirmed my thoughts. Just one squeeze, and my mother, who had been fast asleep, suddenly let out a faint moan. Although it was very soft, I was paying close attention to her, and it was the quiet of the night, so it actually sounded quite loud.

At the time, I thought I had hurt her, that it was a painful cry, but now I realize it was hard to tell if the groan was from discomfort or pleasure. I was just too scared to move, remaining frozen in that position, my hand covering my mother's breast, my eyes fixed on her back.

When I saw her body move slightly, I quickly closed my eyes, but didn't pull my hand away, and dared not move again. I don't understand how I had such good composure back then; even now, I probably wouldn't react that quickly.

When my mother woke up, her breathing was different, which told me she was definitely awake, and it wasn't just a coincidence.

After a few seconds with my eyes closed, my mother gently removed my hand from her breast and placed it softly beside me. Then I heard what sounded like clothes being pulled, probably her adjusting her clothes.

The night returned to silence once more. Just when I thought it was over and was relieved I hadn't been discovered, a hand lightly brushed across my genitals.

I was startled, but I reacted quickly and immediately thought it was my mother, though I couldn't figure out what she was going to do.

The next second, my mother's fingers gently tapped my penis through my underwear. Because I had just touched my mother's breasts, my penis was still erect—or rather, not really erect, at least not the hard kind an adult has; it was just swollen and still relatively soft.

Perhaps startled by my erect penis, my mother suddenly stopped tapping it, and after a while, she started rubbing it with a few fingers.

Although she used very gentle pressure, I felt an indescribable comfort all over my body, even more so than when I touched her breasts.

Then, my mother seemed unsatisfied with just rubbing it with a few fingers, and she directly enveloped my penis with her entire palm. Her palm was warm, and because she probably took good care of it, there were no calluses. My penis felt incredibly comfortable in her hand.

Her movements were slow and gentle, her hand occasionally squeezing and tightening my penis. The feeling was like ascending to heaven; I still savor it to this day, but I've never experienced anything like it with my girlfriend or wife since.

After playing with it for a while, Mom released my penis, adjusted her body, and went back to sleep. I, still feeling the pleasure, drifted off to sleep as well.

When I woke up the next day, I found myself feeling exceptionally refreshed. I felt a little embarrassed when I saw Mom, but she showed no sign of anything amiss, making it impossible to imagine what she had done to me the night before.

A few days later, I finally confirmed with a classmate that Li Jun had left our village, and I felt a huge sense of relief.

Later nights, whenever I wanted to feel Mom's soft breasts again, my heart would pound. I always felt that if I did, she would immediately discover it, and I always wanted to wait until she was sound asleep before making my move.

But because I played wildly outside all day, I was always sleepy at night and would fall asleep on my own, so I never got my way again.

This continued until the summer after graduating from sixth grade. It felt like the happiest summer I'd ever had, because unlike now, we didn't have to choose schools. There was only one middle school in town, and all of us classmates were basically the same group after finishing elementary school, so there wasn't much difference.

My dad was coming home that summer. I was always so happy when he came back from working away from home, because he always brought me delicious food and fun toys.

But this year, I didn't have as much anticipation for his return.

We had planned to fly kites together with some friends, but because Da Lin, who was in charge, had to help with chores at home, the rest of us lost interest and canceled the plan. I wandered around outside for a while and was just about to go home when

I saw my mom pushing her bicycle down the road. There was a man beside her; I recognized him—he was my mom's colleague at the factory, whom I called Uncle Chen.

They walked and laughed. When my dad wasn't home, it was just my mom and me living together. She would always try to avoid men who bothered her, afraid of being gossiped about in the village.

But this Uncle Chen was an exception; I'd seen him walking and talking with my mom several times.

Suddenly, I saw Uncle Chen's hand seem to touch my mom's waist. Because it was too far away, I wasn't sure if I saw it correctly. But then my mom seemed to glare at him, got on her bike, and rode off. He smiled at my mom's retreating figure and also got on his bike and rode towards his home.

When I got home, my mom was cooking, humming a little tune, looking particularly happy. I asked her when my dad was coming back.

She smiled at me and said, "What? Missing your dad? Wait a little longer, he'll be back in a few days."

I don't know why I asked her that question then; I just really hoped my dad would come back at that moment and drive Uncle Chen away.

Another week or so passed, and finally my dad came back from his trip. Just as I'd hoped, he brought back lots of delicious food and fun toys for me. My mom scolded him a little, blaming him for wasting money, but my dad just smiled and didn't say anything.

During dinner, he specifically asked about my studies, and my mom told him the truth. My grades were just average, nothing special. My dad just said a few encouraging words, without any reproach, because in those days, finding a job mainly depended on connections. That night,

we only had one room. Since my dad was back, I naturally couldn't sleep in the same bed as my mom anymore, so we temporarily cobbled together a small wooden plank and two long benches to make a makeshift bed for me.

Because of the sudden change in bed, I, who usually fall asleep very easily, couldn't sleep. Actually, I was also anticipating something.

After being exposed to those erotic stories, I began to understand the secrets between adults, knowing that they always secretly did other things while sleeping, and that my dad, who hadn't been back for so long, must have been working hard all night.

Just as I expected, not long after I pretended to be asleep, I heard my dad's voice.

"Looks like you're asleep?"

"Go check."

My mom gestured for my dad to check if I was really asleep. Luckily, I was prepared. When my dad got out of bed and came to my side, he only saw me fast asleep.

"I checked, I'm asleep."

Then I heard my dad get back into bed, and the bed creaked. Our bed back then was one of those wooden plank beds, and even a slightly larger movement would make a creaking sound.

"Be quiet, don't turn around and wake Chengcheng."

"Don't worry, kids don't wake up easily."

My mom didn't say anything more after that.

Then I heard a kissing sound. Because I was already prepared, I was lying on my side with my face facing my mom and dad.

At this moment, I secretly opened my eyes a little, squinting at the bed.

With the help of the meager moonlight, I could clearly see my father passionately kissing my mother on top of her. A thin sheet covered their lower bodies, while their upper bodies were naked. It

was the first time in so many years that I had seen my mother's breasts. In the moonlight, they appeared particularly white and round. Although they weren't particularly large, they were beautifully shaped. I only learned later that they were called "bamboo shoot breasts."

My dad kept my mom's tongue in his mouth, while his other hand kept kneading her breasts. I had secretly tried it before, so I knew how pleasurable it felt.

Besides, I was so nervous back then that I didn't dare use too much force. Now, seeing my dad shamelessly squeezing and kneading her breasts, changing shape in his hands, a surge of anger welled up inside me.

Even if I chased away Uncle Chen, there was still my dad. Wouldn't I never be able to touch my mom's body again?

After a kiss, my dad released my mom's lips, his hand moving down with a smile. I don't know what he touched, but my mom was startled. Or rather, she sounded a little uncomfortable.

My dad's hand fiddled under the sheet for a long time before finally emerging. His fingers, illuminated by the moonlight, shimmered with a crystalline sheen, like they were coated with honey.

Then it dawned on me that this was what the books described as the vaginal fluid that comes out when a woman is in pleasure. So, my mom was moaning comfortably, not being made uncomfortable by my dad. I

saw him hold his finger up to my mom's face as if to let her smell it, but my mom turned her head away in embarrassment.

"I've been away from home for so long, have you been missing me? You've gotten so wet in such a short time."

My mom didn't speak, but I could hear her rapid breathing. Seeing that my mom didn't answer, my dad persisted, holding his finger, which was covered in vaginal fluid, to my mom's nose. My mom angrily pushed it away.

"You rascal, you're playing tricks on me as soon as you get back. If you don't hurry up and fix it, it'll be no use again."

At this moment, my dad's gentleness vanished, and he suddenly became fierce.

"You'll find out soon enough whether it works or not. I'll make sure you can't get out of bed tomorrow."

Neither of them spoke after that. My dad fiddled around under the sheet for a while longer, and with one thrust of his hip, both my mom and he let out a low groan.

Then the wooden bed creaked and groaned incessantly. My mom patted my dad, telling him to be quiet, probably afraid of waking me, but I thought he was just being too rough, and my mom couldn't take it anymore. She wouldn't listen and instead became even more vigorous.

My mom gritted her teeth and endured it, looking very uncomfortable, almost unable to speak.

Their movements were rather simple, just man on top, woman on bottom, without any other tricks, not as varied as described in books.

They mechanically moved like this for about ten minutes, until my dad's final, powerful thrust ended. He stopped, panting heavily, and collapsed onto my mom's body.

I got up a while later and took out some tissues from the cabinet next to me to wipe myself. After wiping myself a bit, my mom suddenly looked in my direction, which startled me so much that I immediately closed my eyes, not knowing if she had seen me.

Then I heard someone get up, put on their shoes, and come to my bedside, gently covering me with the blanket.

I could tell from the scent of soap on them that it was my mom who got up. She then left the room, and I heard the sound of running water outside; she must have gone to wash up. She didn't return for a while.

When she came back, my dad was already snoring away, fast asleep. My mom stood by the bed, sighed softly, and seemed lost in thought before finally lying down to sleep as well. I kept thinking about everything they had just done, and it took me ages to fall asleep.

My dad had been staying at home for about a month this time, but they hadn't been doing things like that so secretly many times. When my dad came home this time, my mom didn't seem particularly happy. She seemed indifferent, until he left again to work in another city, and then a hint of reluctance appeared on her face.

Some time after he left, I came home one day, and Uncle Chen, who worked at the same factory as my mom, was also there. He saw me and kindly asked about my grades, but I already had a prejudice against him and didn't like him much, so I just gave him a few perfunctory replies and went back to my room. He stayed a while longer and then left. After that, I never saw him come to my house again or come home from work with my mom until I was in the second year of junior high school. They said my dad had made a lot of money, and our whole family moved to the county town, after which we lost contact completely.

After moving to the county town, I realized how vast the outside world was; many things were new to me. However, in a new environment, I couldn't keep in touch with my old friends, and I often became somewhat withdrawn after school.

Fortunately, I made a new friend, my classmate. I think we became good friends because we were in similar circumstances. His name was Su Wen, a delicate name, and he was also delicate-looking, his personality matching his appearance—somewhat frail.

One day after school, I saw him being bullied by some students from other classes. I couldn't stand it and stepped in to help him. Kids in the countryside are often mischievous, and fighting is commonplace. I easily chased those students away. That's how I truly got to know him. One of us was new to the county town and had few friends, the other was timid and afraid to socialize. Two people with similar circumstances became friends.

Su Wen's family was relatively wealthy, which was evident in his clothes, demeanor, and upbringing. Before coming to the county town, I often heard people in the village say that city people were snobbish, only befriending the rich, and that the poor couldn't even get close to them. But after getting to know him, Su Wen wasn't like that at all. He genuinely considered me a good friend. Just over two weeks after we met, he invited me to his house for the weekend. I was already bored to death in this place, so I readily agreed.

When I first visited Su Wen's home, it was very clean and tidy, indicating that he cleaned it regularly. He was the only one home when I arrived.

"Are you home alone?" I

asked. "Yes, my mom went to work."

I found his answer a bit odd. Why didn't he mention his father? I didn't see anyone else at home! But I'm grown up now, and I know what I can and cannot ask others, so I kept it to myself.

Back then, the Famicom (Nintendo Entertainment System) was very popular, but firstly, these game consoles were too expensive; only wealthy families could afford them. Secondly, there was a saying that these game consoles were like "spiritual heroin," addictive and detrimental to one's life. Therefore, many parents strictly forbade their children from touching them, let alone buying them

. This outdated thinking still lingers with that generation of parents today. Surprisingly, Su Wen's home had one. I had previously played in a secretly run arcade and was immediately captivated by its unprecedented fun, but the price per game was far too high. After a few visits, my allowance was insufficient.

Su Wen and I played games until noon. Then Su Wen told me he was going to buy lunch and that he could play by himself while he went out. I played for a while longer, but after my character died, I felt tired and paused to rest. I also got up to use the restroom.

As I pulled up my pants and came out of the bathroom, I glanced back at their balcony. There was a row of clothes hanging there drying, including what looked like women's clothes and underwear. I don't know why, but suddenly a small flame ignited within me. When I imagined what I might do next, my mind went blank, and I unconsciously walked towards the balcony.

Those few steps made my heart pound. Looking at those black lace panties, I realized I'd never seen anything like them with my mother. Were they Su Wen's mother's panties? So sexy! That's what I was thinking.

Just as my hand was about to touch them, I heard the sound of keys turning in the door. I snapped back to reality and quickly went back into my room. Su Wen returned with lunch takeout.

"Why aren't you playing anymore?"

"Oh! I was a little tired, so I got up to walk around."

Su Wen didn't suspect my lie at all.

After lunch, I started to feel sleepy. I originally planned to rest for a while before getting up to play games, but before I knew it, I slept until after four in the afternoon.

Just as I was about to say goodbye to Su Wen and go home, his mother came back. He was a little surprised to see me. Su Wen then introduced me to his mother: "Mom, this is my classmate, Zhang Sicheng. Come to our house to play."

"Hello, Auntie, my name is Zhang Sicheng."

"Hello, welcome to our house."

Su Wen's mother wasn't particularly beautiful, but she had a very pleasing and charming look. I can't quite put my finger on it, maybe it's a kind of temperament!

"Are you going home already? Stay and have some dinner before you leave!" Aunt Su tried to persuade me to stay for dinner, but perhaps because I felt guilty about what I had done earlier, I didn't want to stay any longer.

"No, Auntie, I should go home. It's so late, my mom will worry if I don't go back soon."

"Oh, okay, then Auntie won't keep you. Be careful on your way home, come over and visit anytime."

After some polite exchanges, I finally left Su Wen's house. After returning home, I found myself thinking about Su Wen's mother. We had only met once and hadn't even exchanged a few words, so why did I feel so special for her? It was strange.

In the days that followed, I would go to Su Wen's house to play whenever I had free time. It wasn't always just to play games; sometimes I would take him out to play basketball. Otherwise, even if Aunt Su was very hospitable, she would probably find me annoying.

"Wen, your skills have improved a lot lately, you're almost

as good as me." "Hehe, that's all thanks to your excellent teaching!"

"Hey, call me 'master,' am I that old?"

Since we started playing together, Su Wen seemed like a different person. He became more talkative, more lively, and bolder. His classmates could hardly recognize him as the timid, girlish Wen from before.

After playing a game of basketball, I parted ways with Su Wen on the court, drenched in sweat. When I got home and was about to take a shower, I noticed a pair of leather shoes by the front door. I was pretty sure they weren't my dad's.

I didn't think much of it at the time and called out as usual, "Mom, I'm home." Immediately afterward, I heard a noise coming from my parents' bedroom. Before I could even figure out what was happening, the bedroom door opened.

"Chengcheng's back? Come on, come see your Uncle Chen. He's in the city on business and came to visit us. He brought a lot of things."

To my surprise, Uncle Chen was also coming out of the bedroom with my mom. I hadn't seen him since my dad's last visit; I never expected him to suddenly appear in my house today.

"Chengcheng has grown so much, I almost didn't recognize him! Do you still recognize Uncle Chen?"

"What are you talking about? How could I forget? It hasn't been that long! Right, Chengcheng?"

Uncle Chen, whose hair was neatly combed, joked with me. Before I could even speak, my mother spoke up for him.

I felt strange at that moment, but I couldn't explain why. I just felt inexplicably disgusted and repulsed by Uncle Chen. I just said a few perfunctory words, told them I was going to take a shower, went back to my room to get my clothes, and went into the bathroom, ignoring them.

As I let the hot water from the showerhead wash away the grime from my body, my mind slowly returned to its usual calm. The more I thought about it, the more uneasy I felt. Why would Uncle Chen come to my house? What were he and my mother doing in the bedroom? They could have chatted in the living room.

An ominous premonition enveloped my heart. The more I thought about it, the more uneasy I became. I didn't even feel like showering anymore. I just wiped myself down a few times with a towel and prepared to leave. Just as I was about to open the door to go out, I heard my mother's voice outside.

"Hurry up and go, Chengcheng will be out of the shower soon." My mother's voice sounded hurried and tense, and she seemed to be feeling unwell; her tone had changed.

"Then can I come see you again in a few days?"

"No, you can't come anymore. This is an exception, otherwise neither of us should live."

Uncle Chen didn't expect my mother to be so resolute. He was silent for a few seconds. "Okay, I understand, I... I'm leaving." Then I heard the sound of the door opening and closing; she must have left.

I stayed in the bathroom for a while before coming out. My mother's face showed no sign of anything unusual. She was still making dinner for me as usual, but I knew that she and Uncle Chen were definitely hiding something from me.

Deep down, I could vaguely guess what was going on, but I just didn't want to face it. As long as I didn't see it with my own eyes, it might not be true, and I was just overthinking it. I comforted myself with that thought.

Later, Uncle Chen kept his promise to my mother and never came to my house again. My dad's work also started to settle down, and he had more free time, no longer constantly away from home like before.

Time flew by, and before I knew it, I was in my final year of junior high. The high school entrance exam was just a few months away, but it wasn't that important to me. Everyone else was putting in their best effort to get into a top high school, while I only needed to attend an ordinary one; the pressure wasn't as great. Su Wen, however, was different. He had excellent grades, consistently ranking among the top students in his class, and the teachers had high hopes for him.

My average grades were largely due to studying with him on weekends, which also made our two families quite close. Later, I learned from my mom that Su Wen's father had divorced Aunt Su long ago, and Aunt Su was raising Su Wen alone—a single-parent family. It

suddenly dawned on me then that Su Wen's withdrawn personality was no surprise; I realized it was related to his family background.

For a while afterward, I especially enjoyed going to Su Wen's house to play and study with him. The reason was that ever since that day when Uncle Chen came to our house, a shadow had been cast over my heart. Although I didn't have direct evidence to prove that my mother and Uncle Chen were having an affair, this thought clung to the depths of my heart like a shadow, refusing to leave.

Whenever I saw my mother chatting and laughing with my father, asking about my health and grades with concern, I would always think that everything this woman did was an act. She was having an affair with another man behind my father's and my back. Just thinking about it made all her kindness instantly turn into dirty malice.

In the last few months before the high school entrance exam, I often went to Su Wen's house to study with him. It wasn't that I planned to study hard to get into a top high school, but that the person I wanted to see was there—Aunt Su.

Compared to my mother, Su Wen's mother suddenly seemed incredibly noble in my eyes. Her gentleness and kindness constantly warmed my heart. For a while, I longed to see her every day, every moment. How wonderful it would be if she were my mother!

"Ding-dong...ding-dong..." I rang Su Wen's doorbell, and after a while, Aunt Su opened the door.

"Oh! Chengcheng's here! Wenwen isn't home today!"

I hadn't expected this bad timing; I had originally planned to ask Su Wen some questions.

"Don't stand outside, come in quickly. He might not be back for a while."

I had originally planned to leave, but since Aunt Su said so, I pretended to be obedient and entered the house. This was one of the reasons I had come—to talk to her more and see her more.

"Here, have a glass of water!"

"Don't bother, I can do it myself."

"You're still being so polite with Auntie, or Auntie will get angry."

Sometimes Aunt Su would act like a little girl, and perhaps it was this mentality that made her look much younger than other women her age.

"How's your studying going lately? Don't put too much pressure on yourself." Aunt Su handed me a glass of water.

"It's alright. I'm only so confident about getting into a top high school. I probably have no chance, but I'm pretty sure I'll get into a regular one."

"Hehe, you're such a playful kid. If you studied hard, with your intelligence, you wouldn't have trouble getting into a good high school."

"Then I'll just stay like this. Sitting there all day, not moving at all, would be so uncomfortable. I can't learn from Wen."

"Sigh, Wenwen has no choice. He doesn't like playing with people and only goes to home and school. Luckily, he made you his friend, and he's become much bolder than before."

"That's good. I've learned a lot from Wen too, otherwise my grades would still be at the bottom of the class!"

"Oh! I forgot, I left my clothes outside and haven't brought them in yet. It's going to rain soon." Saying this, Aunt Su immediately stood up from the sofa and went to the balcony.

"In that case, Auntie, I'll head back now. I didn't bring an umbrella, and I won't be able to get back later."

"Wait! Finish your meal before you leave. What's the rush? Auntie has an umbrella here. If you leave, Auntie will be angry."

I usually stay here to eat if I study late. This place has almost become my second home. My parents know I went to Su Wen's house, so they aren't worried even if I go back a little late.

After making up my mind, I sat down there with peace of mind. I glanced unintentionally at the balcony, where Auntie was collecting clothes. I don't know if her clothes didn't fit or had shrunk, but when she raised her hand, the hem of her clothes pulled up with the movement of her arm, revealing her fair and slender waist.

Although it was just a side view, I already had an indescribable feeling for Auntie Su, a feeling that was both admiration and dependence, hard to explain.

"I'll go put the clothes away first. Chengcheng, take care of yourself!"

Just as Auntie was about to walk past me, she suddenly tripped over something, fell forward, and the clothes in the basket scattered all over the ground.

"Auntie, are you alright? How are you?" I quickly helped her up.

"I'm fine, I'm fine. I don't worry about walking anymore, Auntie's alright."

Seeing that she was alright, I breathed a sigh of relief and quickly helped her pick up the clothes on the floor.

"Huh? What's this..." As I was taking the clothes from the floor into the basket one by one, I suddenly found a purple thong, which made me completely flustered.

In those days, thongs were considered very avant-garde underwear, and women with more traditional views would find them difficult to accept. I never expected that Auntie would buy such a thing.

"Oh!" Auntie couldn't help but exclaim when she saw me holding her private items. I was even more startled and didn't know what to do. I could only quickly throw the thong into the basket, pretending that nothing had happened, and hurriedly stuffed the other things into the basket.

"Auntie, all done." When I handed the basket to Auntie Su, she looked at the ground and didn't dare to look at me. She responded softly and quickly went to her room.

I couldn't stand being there any longer, so I yelled into the bedroom, "I'm going back now," and without waiting for Aunt Su's reaction, I rushed out the door.

For a long time afterward, I didn't dare go to Su Wen's house. When Su Wen asked me what was wrong, I could only make up excuses.

Not long after I learned I'd been accepted into high school, my parents told me something: they were getting divorced. I can't describe the situation or how I felt at the time; I just felt that if this was a dream, I begged it to wake up! However, in the end, my father still left us, going to another city, leaving me, still in a daze and unable to believe the truth, and my mother, who was constantly in tears.

I didn't ask about the specific reason for their divorce at the time, but later I guessed something from some of my mother's words—it was probably related to that Uncle Chen. I don't know when my father found out about this; he endured it all until now before divorcing me. I'm grateful to him; I'm not sad at all by his actions, but rather I feel a sense of relief for him.

As for my mother, for a long time afterward, I hardly spoke to her. Except for meals and asking for money, I basically avoided seeing her.

Around my junior year of high school, she told me she wanted to get married and had found an uncle. I immediately asked her, "Is it that guy surnamed Chen?" She was stunned by my question; she probably never expected her son to know her secret!

Then she said, "So you already knew," which further confirmed my suspicions from back then and the reason for our divorce. She wanted to explain further, but I didn't listen. I turned and went back to my room, leaving her with the words, "If you want to get married, go ahead."

Not long after, my mother got married. The man wasn't that Uncle Chen; his surname was Yi. He came to see me once the day before the wedding, and I didn't respond to his advances; I just locked myself in my room.

After my mother got married, she moved in with Uncle Yi, only coming back on weekends. During the week, she would leave me plenty of money or come over to cook me a meal. My hatred for her grew daily. Seeing her living a happy and comfortable life now made me feel sorry for my father. I gradually stopped seeing her as my mother and started seeing her as a woman, a woman I both loved and hated.

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Those Years of Oedipus Diary

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