My experience of harassment

page views:1 Publication date:2023-05-26

I am a very withdrawn boy. I'm even afraid of interacting with people. For years, I haven't spoken a single word to anyone around me, let alone to the opposite sex. This personality has left me alone, let alone having a girlfriend.

Perhaps I will remain solitary forever, but I will continue to live my life as I please.

On the other hand, I've found that my sexual desires are becoming increasingly intense. I've tried masturbation to satisfy my sexual urges, but as time went on, I realized that this "sexual satisfaction without a woman" only resulted in premature ejaculation, leaving me physically and mentally exhausted. Subsequently, I became obsessed with fantasizing and masturbating while looking at nude photos of women. However, this "virtual female sexual satisfaction" was also just wishful thinking. I found myself increasingly yearning for "real female sexual stimulation," and in this situation, I was also seeking new ways to release my sexual desires.

The "bus sexual harassment experience" that started a few years ago and peaked the year before last was probably a product of this period. In my spare time, I often recall this series of impulsive "right or wrong?" actions from my youth a few years ago...

I was only nineteen years old then, attending a college. For three years, I lived alone. My school was in the south of the city, and my home was in the north. Every Friday evening, I took the bus home, and every Sunday evening, I took the bus back to school. On my way home, I would board the bus at the starting station near the school and get off at the terminal station in the city center. Then I would transfer to a bus heading to the north of the city, going from the starting station to the terminal station. It was a simple and monotonous life, but I was still very content.

It was early winter of the first year. Although the temperature wasn't very low yet, people were already wearing winter clothes. That evening, I took a bus to school. I boarded the bus in the city center and, as usual, sat in the front left corner of the bus, because this seat was in front of the partition behind the driver. I like to fantasize about sex and I like to daydream. No one can see my expression when I'm lost in sexual fantasies or daydreaming.

It was a two-seater. At the second stop, a girl sat next to me. I looked at her. In this weather, she was only wearing a pair of extremely thin and tight nylon pants. She was sitting to my right with her legs crossed, left leg over right. She was wearing a half-coat that completely covered her buttocks when she was standing, but when she sat down, she probably found the coat troublesome and simply lifted it up and tucked it between her legs. This way, I could see her tight, fleshy legs and full buttocks. Although it wasn't much, it was enough for me to admire her. This time, my youthful restlessness gave me the urge to touch her legs and buttocks.

My hand stealthily slid towards her, even reaching under her raised left leg, but I still couldn't make any contact with her body—I wouldn't dare touch her any further, not even if I had the guts.

We remained in this stalemate. Then, perhaps tired of sitting, she lowered her left leg, and her fleshy leg pressed against my hand. You can imagine my fear at that moment. I trembled as I pulled my hand away from under her, but she merely glanced at me, seemingly unconcerned, and placed her crossbody bag on her right side, sitting close to me.

This time, I simply placed my hand on her thigh and began to caress it, but my heart was pounding with fear, and my hand was numb with dread. Yet, a powerful pleasure still surged through my brain. After touching her thigh, my hand slid down to her buttocks, and gradually, the pleasure traveled from my hand to my lower body. I felt waves of pleasurable sensations, and my semen gushed out.

I never knew this would happen. I always thought that ejaculation only occurred with sufficient stimulation of the lower body; I never imagined it could happen this way.

After ejaculation, my libido began to subside, and the unexpected shock ended my first experience.

In the days that followed, I gradually forgot the tension from the previous experience, yet I still longed for a similar one. Finally, I decided to try again. In the early spring of the following year, I repeated my attempt, still just as nervous. This time, the girl responded to my actions with a laugh, and I ejaculated for the second time.

Because I always took the train from the starting station, I almost always managed to sit in my "reserved seat" and "wait for the girl." But I wasn't always lucky when going home or to school. In over 95% of cases, it was either a man, a child, an old woman, or an unattractive woman. But that spring, I still experienced it four times.

However, shortly after summer began, a beautiful woman with intellectual disabilities (I didn't know she was intellectually disabled at first) sat next to me on a bus. When I misbehaved again, she noticed and started yelling (but from her inability to speak coherently and logically, I realized she was likely intellectually disabled). Although she couldn't speak in fluent sentences, it terrified me. She yelled for a long time before gradually calming down.

This made me behave myself for more than half a year. That winter, as I gradually recovered from the trauma, I wanted to try again. My first attempt resulted in being scolded by the woman next to me. I was so ashamed I wanted to disappear.

These two failed attempts made me completely give up on this activity.

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