Xiaoyu's sex story

page views:1 Publication date:2023-03-23

Hello everyone, I'm an ordinary person, an ordinary man, but I've had extraordinary experiences with women. These are secrets I can't share with friends, so I write a diary online, recording my true experiences. These experiences are real, so they won't be as thrilling as those in erotic novels, but they are more real and vivid. Note

1: To protect the individuals involved, names and occupations have been altered. Note 2: This is a true story, and I have obtained permission from the forum moderator, Xiaohuan, to share my past here.

I didn't believe in fate, but now I'm starting to. My name is Xiaoyu, I'm thirty years old, and although I've had three girlfriends, none of them lasted more than six months. However, I've had sexual relations with dozens of women! I've always longed to find true love, to date and marry a woman, and grow old together, but fate seems to have no affinity for love or marriage, yet I often have romantic encounters involving intimate physical contact.

Of the women I've had sexual relations with, three are my girlfriends, one is my cousin (not related by blood), and the others are long-term partners, one-night stands, escorts, saleswomen, etc. The vast majority are from Taiwan, but there are also foreigners from mainland China, Vietnam, and the Philippines.

I'm plain-looking, have an average build, no career success, and am not wealthy. I'm neither attractive nor sophisticated, and a man like me has almost no appeal to women, so I often worry about not being able to find a girlfriend.

However, I possess an advantage that most men lack—gentleness and attentiveness. Therefore, in terms of sex, I have an irresistible charm that women find hard to resist, making them seek my comfort again and again, like an addiction to delicious food. [Second Diary Entry] Xiaoyu's Sex Diary: Voyeurism in the Bathroom

Every man has had the experience of voyeurism and sexual fantasies, and I'm no exception. Most men's targets for voyeurism are their mothers or sisters, but I come from a single-parent family and live with my father. Therefore, my first target for voyeurism was my cousin (not related by blood).

My aunt and uncle couldn't have children, so they adopted a daughter and a son, my cousins. I was twelve years old then, in sixth grade. My cousin was a year older than me, and my cousin was two years younger. They stayed with us for a week during the Spring Festival, and my cousin and I enjoyed a week of eye candy.

Our house was an old apartment, and the vent below the bathroom door was an old-fashioned design. You could peek inside through the gaps in the slats, but the slats were angled downwards, so you couldn't see much. One day, I had a brilliant idea. I removed the vent and installed it upside down. I could lie on the floor and peek into the bathroom from below, getting a clear view of what was going on inside.

The first time my cousin took a shower at our house, I was extremely nervous. It was the first time in my life I had done something illegal, and the first time I had ever peeped. My heart was pounding so hard it felt like it was going to jump out of my mouth. My whole body was trembling with tension, and my hands and feet felt weak and sore. I first lay on my back on the floor, and the cold tiles made my body tremble even more. My teeth chattered, making a faint sound.

As I lay down, I peeked through the vent blades and saw my older cousin undressing. Although she was only in the first year of junior high, she was much more developed than me, more than ten centimeters taller, and had very large breasts. At the time, I didn't know how to distinguish bra sizes; I only knew that when my cousin bent over to take off her underwear, her beautiful, hanging breasts made my blood boil and my lower body feel uncomfortable.

I was young then, ignorant about sex, and didn't know how to appreciate the beauty of a woman's body. I was only focused on peeking at her breasts. Back then, I thought that only a woman's breasts were beautiful; other parts like her buttocks, thighs, and vagina weren't worth appreciating. I even foolishly thought that a woman's genitals were flat, unaware that a woman has a vagina and a uterus. Nearly twenty years ago, sex education courses in elementary and junior high schools were not well-developed. Female teachers would often skip this chapter out of shyness and would not explain the male and female sexual organs in detail. Moreover, computers and the internet were not widespread at that time, and the only way to secretly watch porn was through the Rainbow Channel on TV. The porn shown was also censored. Although I saw the male actor vigorously penetrating the female actor's genitals in various positions, I couldn't tell whether the woman's genitals had an opening. So I naively thought that men just used their penises to rub against a woman's flat genitals and didn't know that a woman's genitals had an opening for penetration.

My cousin has a full figure and is quite voluptuous, but she is not obese. I always thought she had big breasts, but I didn't expect that her buttocks were also particularly perky when she was naked. I focused my gaze on her breasts, but she always had her back to the bathroom door, so I rarely saw her nipples. However, this made me less nervous. I didn't have to worry that she would find out that I was peeping.

My cousin's voluptuous naked body made my penis painfully erect. As a sixth-grader, I was still quite naive and had no experience with ejaculation, let alone how to masturbate. I just acted on instinct, rubbing my penis back and forth through my pants.

I spied on my cousin while she was showering for three or four days. Later, my two siblings and I got into an argument while playing games. I secretly pulled my younger brother aside and told him that we would get revenge on her by spying on her while she showered that night. So I gained a new comrade to lie down and spy on her, and he was only eleven years old. However, because he was too young, he couldn't control his nervousness. When he was discussing my cousin's figure with me, he accidentally raised his voice. My cousin, who was showering, turned around and saw that we two kids were spying on her. She was so angry that she splashed water on us, and my cousin and I ran away with screams.

At that time, the three of us were clueless about "sex" and "privacy." Although my cousin was angry, it was just like kids bickering and throwing tantrums while playing games, not anger at being violated. My cousin and I, because we had been discovered, simply started spying "openly." We were still lying on the floor peeping, but we were also loudly discussing my cousin's figure. My cousin was both annoyed and amused, and tried to cover the vent with a washboard, a bucket, and other things to stop us from spying. The three of us siblings thus began our bathroom spying battle for the rest of our vacation.

On the last afternoon, my cousin was playing video games in the living room, while I was taking a nap in my room. Suddenly, I felt someone touching my body. I was just feeling sleepy and didn't want to pay attention to him, but the person kept touching my legs, making me feel itchy. I opened my eyes groggily and saw my cousin sitting on the edge of the bed with a flushed face.

I said, "I want to sleep, don't bother me..."

My cousin stammered, "Then, then go to sleep!"

I closed my eyes, trying to fall back asleep, but after a while I felt my cousin touching my waist again. I opened my eyes and glared at her: "Stop touching me, it's annoying!"

My cousin paused for a while without saying anything, then suddenly said, "I'm going to tell your dad you peeked at me while I was showering!"

This startled me awake. I had thought it was just a game we kids played, and I vaguely felt that peeping was a bad thing, but I couldn't quite put my finger on why. I only knew that if my dad found out, I would definitely be beaten to death!

I was so nervous I almost cried: "Please don't tell him, Dad will beat me!"

My cousin actually smiled happily and said, "Then you have to listen to me, and I won't tell him."

I readily agreed, swearing that I would listen to her no matter what. My cousin's face flushed even redder, and she stammered, "Then...then...can I see your little penis?"

I was startled and quickly said no, but my cousin suddenly became bolder and said, "You've been peeking at my body for so many days, and you don't even want to see it once? Then I'll tell your dad!"

I was so nervous I didn't know what to do. Suddenly, I steeled myself, stood on the bed, and pulled down my pants and underwear, revealing my little penis. At that time, I was only in sixth grade, not yet fully developed, and didn't have a single hair.

I was much shorter than my cousin, but because I was standing on the bed, my little penis was right in front of her eyes. My cousin stared wide-eyed at my little penis, speechless with surprise. I guess it was the first time my cousin had ever seen a boy's genitals.

My cousin stammered, "I...I...can I...touch it?"

I innocently said, "Don't be too rough!"

My cousin gently tapped and touched my penis with her index finger, stimulating it until it gradually swelled. Seeing my erection, she wasn't scared at all; instead, she laughed and said, "So cute!"

I retorted, "That's not fair! I only get to see your body, but you get to touch my penis! I want to touch yours too!" My eyes were fixed on my cousin's breasts. I'd wanted to touch them for a long time, but never had the courage. Now I finally had the chance.

My cousin hesitated for a moment, then suddenly stood up and pulled down her pants and underwear. I wanted to say, "I want to touch your breasts, why are you taking your pants off?" But when I looked at the tuft of developing pubic hair on her lower body, my mouth dropped open, and I was speechless with surprise.

I never knew girls had pubic hair! (Those damned mosaics in porn misled my innocent youth.)

When I peeped, I only stared at her breasts, never her genitals, so even after watching her shower for so many days, I still didn't know what her genitals looked like.

My cousin lay on the bed, her face flushed, legs spread wide, and said, "Didn't you want to touch it?"

I swallowed hard and brought my face close to her genitals. I then noticed that besides the pubic hair, there was a strange little slit, and fluid was constantly flowing out. This was the first time in my life I had ever seen a woman's genitals, and I was so surprised I couldn't speak. I just thought that a woman's genitals were so ugly. When I watched porn before, I thought that a woman's genitals were flat, but now I knew that there was a vulva.

I reached out and touched her labia, and felt that the fluid was wet and sticky, indescribably disgusting. I brought it to my nose and smelled a strange and strong fishy smell, which made me want to vomit. But for some reason, I felt my whole body getting hot, and my heart was pounding as if it was going to jump out of my mouth. I felt extremely excited and stroked my cousin's labia back and forth with my hand.

I was only in sixth grade then, and I didn't know that a woman's vagina could be penetrated. I only saw that my cousin's labia were tight, and I could hardly tell that there was a "hole" where I could stick my finger in. So, no matter how much I touched it, I never thought of inserting my finger inside.

But my cousin was obviously more excited than me. Her face was flushed, she was panting, and her body was trembling slightly. She watched my throbbing penis, which was still trying to grow bigger, but only to a limited size. Suddenly, she said, "I want to touch yours too!"

I couldn't think straight at that point. I just listened to my cousin and moved closer to her so she could touch my penis. Suddenly, she started stroking it. I felt pain, but also extreme pleasure—it was indescribable! I looked down and saw that she had slightly pulled back my foreskin, revealing only a tiny bit of my glans. It was the first time I had ever seen my own glans, and I was incredibly curious. My cousin was just as curious as I was, and she gently touched my glans with her hand. I cried out, "Ah!"

My cousin asked anxiously, "Does it hurt?"

I replied, "A little, but it feels so good... Ouch! Don't stop!" This wonderful feeling was irresistible; my body swayed back and forth, yearning for her to continue stroking my penis. My

cousin stroked my penis with one hand while touching her own clitoris. At that time, I couldn't distinguish between the small fleshy bump of the clitoris and the two thin layers of flesh of the labia; I only knew that she was stroking me while simultaneously giving me a handjob.

We huddled together, panting, our breathing growing louder and louder. I felt waves of pleasure surging through my body. Suddenly, I yelled, "I need to pee!" My cousin was startled when she heard me say I needed to pee. Afraid I would pee on her, she gripped my penis tightly and commanded, "Don't pee! Go to the toilet!"

I desperately clenched my penis, trying to resist the urge, but it was irresistible, relentlessly stimulating my penis. I closed my eyes and said, "I can't take it anymore, I'm about to pee!"

My cousin was terrified and said, "Don't pee! Don't pee!" She stopped masturbating and gripped my penis tightly with both hands. It hurt, but I still couldn't stop the urge. Suddenly, I ejaculated white "pee," spraying it onto her hands and clothes. My cousin screamed, and I screamed too. My whole body trembled, my mind went blank, as if I had fallen into heaven. My penis throbbed and twitched incessantly!

My older cousin, being a middle school student, understood sex better than I did. She knew it was "ejaculation," not "urination." She breathed a sigh of relief and said, "You lied to me and said it was urination!" I gasped for breath, unable to reply.

Later, my cousin told me it was ejaculation, not urination. Although I often secretly watched porn on Channel 4 at that time and masturbated through my pants, this was the first time I had ever ejaculated. I just felt that the feeling was so good that I could never leave the word "sex" again. Even now, more than ten years later, I still frequently have sex with women.

Later, when my older cousin and her younger cousin lived with us, I often slept cuddling with my older cousin. In the adults' eyes, we had a good relationship, and they all thought that my older cousin loved me more than her younger brother. Little did they know that when we cuddled together in the middle of the night, we were actually caressing each other, not sleeping.

Our caressing continued for many years, until she went to high school and got a boyfriend. She would still often sneak over to caress and bathe with me. However, we never had sex. Although my cousin was adopted by my uncle and we weren't actually related by blood, deep down we still felt it was wrong, so we never dared to cross that final line.

During those years, there were a few times when we caressed each other and bathed, I begged my cousin to let me penetrate her. There were also a few times when she got too excited and lost her senses, begging me to penetrate her. But in the end, we both held back at the last moment, never actually penetrating her; at most, we would just rub my penis against her clitoris.

We bathed and caressed each other for years, and she remained a virgin, as did I. Our caresses gradually decreased after she moved to a faraway university, and eventually we stopped mentioning it, treating it as our most precious secret. Looking back now, many years later, I really admire our willpower—to have endured so many years without sex!

But after all the caresses I did, she had long since lost her hymen. Fortunately, we always managed to restrain ourselves and didn't actually have sex; we just enjoyed the physical caresses. Otherwise, I would have truly felt guilty towards my cousin's current husband! Now, my cousin and I have never crossed any lines. We respect and love each other, but we never cross any boundaries. After she got married, my cousin told me in a chat that her husband didn't satisfy her, but we were just chatting; she wasn't implying that I wanted to have sex again.

Over the years, she has never mentioned caressing me again, and I have never mentioned it either. Although occasionally in the middle of the night, I think back to those wonderful days we spent together, and I guess she has also recalled the days when I caressed her, we are now adults, no longer impulsive teenagers, and our inappropriate behavior will never happen again. I can only share those beautiful memories of my youth with strangers online.

[Third Diary Entry] Xiaoyu's Sex Diary: Sex in Public

When I was twenty-five, I started playing online games and met several female netizens. I successfully arranged to meet three of them. Later, one of them became my second girlfriend, and another became my first sexual partner.

Meeting new girls online is actually quite easy, much easier than meeting new women in real life. However, getting them to meet up is a different story. Girls are very wary of strange men. While they might be more open with you because you've never met them, and they'll tell you even the most private things, getting them to meet up is incredibly difficult.

If you want to ask a female online friend out, you need to have a strong attraction—even if it's just virtual attraction online.

Back then, I was the guild leader of an online game, and a real "Taiwan dollar warrior" (a term for someone who spends real money on virtual items). I spent Taiwan dollars every day buying virtual items and also giving some to my guild members. In the eyes of my guildmates, I was a wealthy and caring top player.

(I did some equipment trading at the time, so I didn't actually spend much money on the game; in fact, I made a small profit in Taiwan dollars.)

This attraction led me to my second girlfriend and my first sexual partner. Today's sex diary is about my sexual story with my partner, "Meow Meow."

My partner has a cute name, "Meow Meow," which sounds adorable, but she's actually a 36-year-old mature woman, a full 11 years older than me at 25!

She has a great figure and is a female doctor, much better off financially than I was when I first entered the workforce. The only downside is that she's not very attractive; she's below average. However, I don't care about her looks. Sex partners are all the same in the dark; her figure is far more important than her face, haha!

Miaomiao's ex-boyfriend was married. She was his mistress for five years, but in the end, he chose his family and left her. Later, she became addicted to online games, which is how she met me, the guild leader. Although she wasn't beautiful and was a mature woman, thanks to the years, she had extremely high-level sexual skills. The first time we made love, her foreplay made me feel like I was falling into the highest heaven, in a dreamlike state. After making love with her, I finally understood what an "orgasm" was. I realized that a man's "ejaculation" is not the same as an "orgasm." The feeling of an "orgasm" is a hundred times more comfortable than "just ejaculation"!

Not only was her sexual skill superb, but her body was also extremely sensitive!

Whenever she orgasmed, her vagina would quickly tighten, gripping my penis tightly, as tightly and continuously as a virgin's. When she first orgasmed, I thought she was faking it. Some women fake orgasms to satisfy a man's vanity or to finish quickly. Her vagina was so tight that I couldn't move at all as I thrust in. I couldn't push my penis further in or out; I was completely immobilized. This orgasm was so exaggerated; I suspected she had deliberately trained her vaginal grip strength. It was clearly acting!

But after having sex with her more than ten times over several days, one day I suddenly realized she wasn't acting; it was a real orgasm! Because during her orgasm, her neck and chest would turn completely red, like a rash from drinking too much alcohol, and it would gradually fade after three or four minutes. A woman's facial expressions can be acted, and the strength of her vaginal contractions can be trained, but whether her skin turns red is not something she can consciously control!

Her sexual skills were superb; she was practically my mentor in foreplay, teaching me how to be gentle with women, about a woman's true erogenous zones, and how to bring her pleasure. After six months as her sexual partner, I gradually surpassed her, understanding women's sensitive areas even better than she did, and I began to tire of having sex with her.

One day, I suggested having sex outdoors. Miao Miao, always unwilling to accept that my skills were gradually surpassing hers, and wanting to regain control of the relationship as a strong woman, readily agreed.

At the time, I was working in a rented apartment. Our first outdoor sexual encounter was on the back balcony. The back balcony had no cover, only iron railings, a washing machine, and a dryer. The neighbors across the street could easily see us half-naked having sex if they looked out the window, and neighbors from other apartments could come out at any moment. This tension made us both tremble slightly. For convenience, she wore a denim miniskirt without underwear. During foreplay, her vaginal fluid flowed down her thighs, with a few drops even dripping onto the ground.

Meow Meow was terrified that a neighbor might be out, but driven by a competitive spirit, she kept trying to take the initiative, French kissing me. She stroked my back with one hand and reached into my pants with the other, stroking my penis. But since we were embracing, I realized she wasn't as natural as she appeared; deep down, she was terrified because her body was trembling violently!

I was nervous too, but much better than her. We usually did half an hour of foreplay, but this time, perhaps due to the novelty and nervousness, we only did five minutes before her vagina was incredibly wet. Not only were my hands and her thighs soaked, but the floor was also wet. This excitement made me unable to resist any longer. I lifted her buttocks and made her sit on the dryer. Her denim miniskirt couldn't completely cover her soaking wet vulva. I pulled out my penis and inserted it into her vagina. Meow Meow screamed and groaned twice, then remembered we were outside and someone might see us half-naked having sex, so she quickly shut her mouth.

I love hearing her moans; her voice is loud yet natural and unpretentious. Seeing her with her mouth shut now makes me uncomfortable. So, abandoning my usual gentlemanly manners, instead of slow, deliberate thrusts, I forcefully thrust my hips, the dryer rattling slightly. Miao Miao felt a surge of pleasurable pleasure and involuntarily began to pant, but she was still afraid of being seen and tried her best to keep her mouth shut.

I was also afraid of being seen, but I wasn't willing to give up on conquering her. I suddenly lifted her down and made her lie face down on the balcony so I could have more force and speed with her. I slipped my hands inside her t-shirt, gripping her breasts tightly, and thrust my hips forcefully. Because of the force of the impact between Miao Miao's buttocks and my genitals, her whole body would vibrate with each thrust, her tightly closed lips would briefly part, and she would let out a soft moan. With each thrust, she would let out a soft "hmm." For a moment, the balcony was filled with the subtle sounds of our genitals colliding and her moans of "hmm...hmm...hmm...hmm..."

She liked to moan loudly, and I loved hearing her moan, but these moans of suppressed pleasure were even more beautiful and melodious. Suddenly, I felt my penis being tightly gripped by her vagina, and I realized she had orgasmed.

However, perhaps due to my heightened senses, although my erect penis proved that I was still excited, I felt no urge to ejaculate. I held her with one arm and gently stroked her hair with the other, whispering in her ear from behind, "Miao Miao, do you feel good?"

Miao Miao nodded weakly and answered me in a very soft voice, "I didn't expect it to feel so good to do it outside..."

But she had orgasmed, and I hadn't ejaculated yet! I then asked, "Shall we go somewhere else outside and continue making love?"

Miao Miao hesitated for a long time before answering. I'm always gentle with women, and I wasn't in a hurry to ravish her; I just gently stroked her hair and abdomen. I felt her body was burning hot, and she seemed weak and listless. This tense and exciting feeling made her tremble violently for ten minutes. I guessed that she was very tired after her orgasm and wanted to ask to go back to the bed in the room to make love again. After a while,

Miao Miao replied softly, "Hmm... let's change then..." Actually, I already knew she would agree. Her strong-willed personality wouldn't allow her to beg for mercy. I pulled her denim shorts back up, which had been pulled down to her buttocks, then stuffed my penis into my pants, took her hand, left the balcony, passed through five suites, went through the main door, and walked to the stairwell on the fifth floor.

Along the way, she kept her head down the whole time, not daring to look up at all, afraid that someone would see her face. I, on the other hand, looked around to see if anyone was spying on us, but fortunately, no one was watching, so it was a close call.

I rented a furnished suite in an old apartment building. Each floor had windows in the stairwell, about chest height for an adult. I opened the window and looked out at the street; there were two or three pedestrians. Miao Miao was completely limp, letting me manipulate her. I turned her around, leaning her against the window with half her head sticking out. Miao Miao glanced at the street and saw people. Being on the third floor, the thrill instantly turned into fear.

Trembling, Miao Miao asked me, "Xiao Yu, do we have to stay here? There are people outside!"

I countered, "So you want to go back to the room?"

Miao Miao's stubbornness kicked in again, and she said, "I'll stay here, it's pretty exciting anyway."

A woman's uterus secretes a lot of fluid after an orgasm, but her libido cools down quickly, and her vagina becomes dry and sticky. So I didn't rush to penetrate her. Instead, I resumed foreplay, starting with French kissing and kissing my way down to her vulva. (I didn't mind that I had just penetrated her.)

Miao Miao grabbed my hair and pressed it forcefully, almost shoving my head into her denim miniskirt. She was nervous and scared, and her body was sweating profusely. I smelled the scent of her vaginal fluid mixed with her sweat, and the strong female hormones made me unable to hold back any longer. I stopped the foreplay and thrust into her vagina again. She

held me tightly, while I twisted my hips and stole glances at the passersby. Actually, I was a little afraid that passersby would look up at me. This time, I started to feel fear. Fear mixed with the pleasure in my lower body quickly rushed to my brain. I realized this was wrong. If I continued like this, I would ejaculate in less than a minute, which was too fast! A wicked thought crossed my mind. I turned Miaomiao around, making her look at the people outside the window, and then tore her t-shirt. She was startled and accidentally screamed loudly. Luckily, there was a lot of noise on the street, and no one looked up.

Miaomiao turned around and glared at me: "What are you doing?"

I chuckled and said, "I'm doing you!"

Miaomiao bit my hand in anger, and I pulled my hand away in pain. Then I tore her t-shirt open again. She wasn't wearing a bra, and her entire breasts were exposed. She quickly grabbed the torn fabric with her right hand to cover herself, while her left hand was still holding onto the windowsill. I wanted to tear her t-shirt completely in the middle, but I couldn't tear it completely. I could only tear it in half, so I gave up.

Miaomiao was only holding onto the windowsill with one hand. She was afraid of heights and didn't dare to turn around and glare at me, but she didn't dare to let go of the fabric with the other hand, letting me do whatever I wanted. I kissed her neck and back while slowly thrusting in and out, gradually increasing the speed. Although the street outside the window was noisy, I could hear Miao Miao's moans gradually growing louder. I thought it was strange; wasn't she always afraid of being seen? I turned to look at her face, and realized she was so scared that she simply closed her eyes.

I guessed that even though she was closing her eyes, she was probably imagining shameful thoughts like, "Passersby must have seen us and are watching us make love," or "Someone is looking at my breasts." We had only been doing it for a few minutes when she climaxed again, tightly gripping my penis. But actually, I had really reached my limit. When she climaxed and gripped me, I couldn't hold back any longer. I pulled out with all my might and then thrust back into her tight vagina.

Perhaps because I was on the verge of ejaculation, I used a lot of force. Before, when her vagina gripped me, I really couldn't go in even half an inch deeper, but this time I really couldn't hold back. I used all my strength to thrust in and ejaculate my life essence. Although we've probably had sex over a hundred times, this was the first time we both orgasmed simultaneously. As I ejaculated, I felt her vagina contracting in waves, as if it were sucking my semen away, leaving my mind blank and my whole body almost collapsing.

Afterwards, when we chatted, I always joked that she was a semen-sucking spider woman, while she laughed at me for being a pervert in a gentleman's guise.

(Because I'm very gentle with women, she called me a gentleman, but I always find ways to make sex more exciting and novel for women, so she called me a pervert. However, not the violent kind; I never use violence against women.)

Later, we did it in more exciting public places, and a few times we almost got caught, with others peeking at us, but we quickly hid. After doing it outdoors several times, the novelty and excitement wore off, and we went back to doing it at home or in hotels; after all, comfort was the most important thing.

[Fourth Diary Entry] Xiaoyu's Sex Diary: My First Virginity Experience

Perhaps it's because I was born into a single-parent family; I don't have a mother, and my father was often violent towards me, which made me crave love from a young age. I developed romantic feelings early; starting in fifth grade, I began writing love letters to girls. But despite this early start, my lack of attractiveness and other qualities made me unappealing to them, preventing me from ever getting a girlfriend. I remained just a "nice guy" or "best friend" in their eyes. After repeated failures, I gradually lowered my standards, eventually becoming so desperate that I was indiscriminate in my choices.

I've mentioned before that I have a lot of female admirers; I've had sex with countless women. While what I truly crave isn't sex, but simply love, I just can't seem to attract women, let alone marriage. I've almost never had a girlfriend throughout my life, even though I desperately wanted to date and get married.

Finally, at twenty-one, I had my first girlfriend. She had polio, wasn't very pretty, and her right leg was bowed outwards, causing her to walk with a noticeable limp. Most men wouldn't choose to date her, but I was so focused on being in a relationship that I didn't care about anything else. Even if she had polio, I would have dated a disabled person or an extremely ugly woman.

Our relationship progressed quickly, and we soon moved in together. However, love comes and goes quickly; we broke up after only three months. She longed for a mature man who would take care of her, but I was a naive young man, easily jealous and prone to temper tantrums, with a very immature view of love. Looking back now, I feel really guilty towards her, and I'm also grateful that she accompanied me through that short period of love, allowing me to experience the bittersweetness of love for the first time.

However, the theme here is sex, not love. My love story will be briefly mentioned and not detailed further.

My first sexual experience happened in her brother's bed. Although I had years of experience with my cousin, we were both clueless and didn't really "enjoy sex," but rather "enjoy caresses." Therefore, my sexual knowledge was still insufficient. At that time, I learned about sex from Japanese adult films, and thus, I made the same mistake as all men—"Go harder, go harder, the faster the better for the woman, the harder the better."

Although my caressing skills were good, my cousin and I never had sex. I never penetrated her. Therefore, my concept of the piston-like motion during sex was wrong, just like all men in Taiwan, who thought that the faster and harder the penetration, the more comfortable the woman would feel.

After getting my first girlfriend, I was finally able to break the taboo. We had sex after dating for a month. Having tasted the forbidden fruit for the first time, I was like a male dog in heat, thinking about sex all day long. Although my girlfriend loved my caressing, she always hated having sex with me. (However, she always held back from telling me.)

The first time we had sex, she lay on the bed with her eyes closed, letting me do as I pleased. I, on the other hand, openly studied every part of her body, while observing her reaction as she pretended to be asleep. While undressing her, I noticed her breasts were uneven; her left breast was about a B cup, while her right was only an A cup, like a slightly protruding hill. When I removed her underwear, I noticed her right leg was atrophied, like a malnourished foot, while her left leg was strong and powerful. I guessed that because her right leg was weak, she had shifted her weight to her left leg over the years, making the left side of her body stronger than the right, thus causing the uneven breasts.

Although it wasn't aesthetically pleasing, I was very curious about whether both sides of her body were equally sensitive. I caressed her entire body with my hands and tongue, and from her reactions, it seemed that although her body proportions were different, her sensitivity was the same.

Since we were making love in her brother's bed, I was worried he would come back and see us, so I only caressed her for about ten minutes before ejaculating. I pulled down my pants, picked up my penis, and prepared to insert it into her vagina. But after several attempts, I couldn't find the right position to get inside her. My penis rubbed against her labia for a long time, but still couldn't penetrate. Just as I was about to give up, my girlfriend suddenly opened her eyes, clamped her legs around my buttocks, and gently pulled my body forward. And there I was, inside her! It was

my first time inside a woman's vagina. I felt it was very warm and wet, sticky—indescribably comfortable. I also felt a little pain, but the pleasure far outweighed the pain, so I ignored it and started thrusting vigorously. With each thrust, I felt an even stronger pleasure and pain. I always thought only women felt pain during their first time; I never imagined men could feel pain during their first time too!

I wonder if every man experiences pain during his first time? I felt at least a little pain, even though I retract my foreskin during masturbation, I don't retract it all the way to the base. But during the first penetration, my foreskin naturally retracted to the base, so while thrusting, I felt pain along with pleasure.

Perhaps because of the pain, the pleasure was significantly reduced, and I continued thrusting for over twenty minutes before ejaculating inside her. Afterwards, when we chatted, she often questioned whether I was a virgin because my foreplay was so skillful and my stamina so good. Little did she know that my skillful foreplay stemmed from years of continuous caresses with my cousin, and my good stamina was due to the pain in my penis, which delayed my ejaculation. However, to save face, I didn't tell her the truth.

But one thing did make her quite believe I was a virgin: during our first time having sex, I rubbed against her labia for a long time but still couldn't penetrate… making me seem very clumsy.

During foreplay, she always felt very comfortable, but during intercourse, I would just thrust wildly. She went from pretending to enjoy it, to feeling nothing, and finally enduring pain, but I didn't care. I was just enjoying the pleasure of my penis being enveloped by her warm vagina.

This first taste of forbidden fruit made me lose control. During our relationship, I demanded sex with her every day, sometimes up to three times a day. Towards the end, my penis even chafed raw, and it hurt terribly! We only abstained for three or four days, continuing to have sex the rest of the time. But she endured it, afraid to tell me that simply thrusting wildly wouldn't make a woman feel comfortable. Therefore, during that period, I had been having sex with her using the wrong ideas.

Our relationship ended after only three months. She bore the brunt of my immature views on love back then, which made me feel very guilty and grateful. It made me more mature and stable in my second and third relationships.

[Fifth Diary Entry] Xiaoyu's Sex Diary: I Was Tricked into Buying Prostitutes

Hello everyone, I'm Xiaoyu, and today's topic is buying prostitutes.

Escort services, prostitution, tea drinking, fish eating, Thai bathing, the National Salvation Corps… there are many methods, all essentially the same, only the process differs slightly, the goal is the same: "sex for profit."

I've had three girlfriends, and my second relationship is a permanent wound; I never want to talk about her… Before my second relationship ended, I was a devoted man. The only women I'd ever been with were my cousin and my first girlfriend. My sex life wasn't promiscuous; I was very faithful. Back then, Xiaoyu was a devoted and good man.

But after my second relationship broke down, I fell into depravity.

Everyone vents their heartbreak differently. Some smoke heavily, some drink excessively, some become addicted to online games, some pay for prostitution. I was an honest man back then, I didn't smoke, drink, gamble, or visit prostitutes. I buried myself in work, trying to forget her through busyness, working overtime every day, fifteen or sixteen hours a day, without a vacation for three months.

My mischievous friend Xiao Guo saw me working myself to the bone, and how I would become listless and lost in thought whenever I wasn't working. He tried to get me to try cigarettes and alcohol, but I refused. So, he secretly decided to trick me into going to prostitutes, to make me see women as nothing more than clothes, and to stop being so infatuated with one woman.

One early morning, he mysteriously knocked on my door, saying he wanted to take me to a "good place." I couldn't sleep because I was thinking about my ex-girlfriend, so I went with my mischievous friend Xiao Guo.

My friend Xiao Guo took me to an area in Sanchong. There were many small temples nearby, and red lanterns hung everywhere. Pointing to the lanterns, Xiao Guo said, "See? This place has red lanterns; they're selling sex there."

I asked, puzzled, "Aren't these the kind of lanterns that temples usually hang? How could they be selling sex?"

Xiao Guo drove another twenty meters, and we came to another old building that looked neither like a temple nor a shop. He said, "See? This place also has lanterns; they're 'doing business' here too."

I observed carefully. He drove around the area, and there were red lanterns every half street, and some shops were even located right next to police stations. Beside me, I asked, "They can't all be prostitutes, right? Otherwise, the police would have arrested them long ago, with the station right next door!"

My friend Xiao Guo laughed, "You're too naive. This is a lucrative job!"

Xiao Guo continued, "Do you think all the police are so upright? The officers stationed here are ecstatic. They all receive a lot of bribes. When there's a crackdown on prostitution, they'll notify the shops in advance to avoid the area. Then, for shops that are late in handing over bribes or give too little, they'll arrest one or two mainland girls to report. This boosts their sales and serves as a warning to those who give too little—a win-win situation!"

At that time, I was still a decent, honest person and never imagined such a thing could happen. Then he drove around to the main road. The lights were dim, and every twenty meters there was a person standing outside—old women, strong men, and young men. My friend Xiao Guo slowed down and said, "Those are all out soliciting customers. We can't let the girls stand out and solicit customers themselves; that would be too arrogant." He then rolled down the car window.

Sure enough, a tall, burly man immediately approached our car and said, "Hey bro, we have a new guy here today! Want to give it a try?"

My friend Xiao Guo casually replied, "Sure, I'll take a look around first, I'll be right back."

The burly man wasn't angry, and smiled, saying, "No problem, you can always come back."

A few dozen meters further on, a woman in her forties or fifties came up and said, "Hey! Bro, we have 'washing' services here!"

My friend Xiao Guo's eyes lit up, and he looked at me with a wicked grin: "Today I'll let you try something special, guaranteed to make you forget your ex-girlfriend!"

I've never been to a prostitute. However, I didn't know beforehand that I would be taken to a prostitute. At that time, I was a rather conservative and honest person when it came to sex. I was scared and said, "You go ahead, I'll wait for you in the car."

My friend Xiao Guo suddenly raised his voice and said, "You can't wait in the car! Even if you really don't want to do it, you have to sit inside and wait. Waiting in the car is like offending them!"

The aunt next to me chimed in, "Hey, nobody waits in the car. You have to wait inside while we make tea, and there are girls to chat with you."

I looked at the aunt with a smile in her eyes, as if she was mocking me for being a newbie who didn't know the rules. Although I didn't want to go to a prostitute at all, in my mind at that time, love had to be faithful, and "love" and "sex" were inseparable. How could I have sex with a woman I didn't have feelings for? I wanted to refuse, but I was afraid they would be angry, so I reluctantly agreed.

I followed my aunt and my friend Xiao Guo into the dimly lit street and arrived at an old house. My aunt warmly invited us to sit down, then called out to the room. Five women filed out, a diverse group of women, all appearing to be between twenty and thirty years old.

Xiao Guo's eyes lit up, and he pointed to a tall woman, about 170 centimeters tall. The woman smiled at him and led him into the room. As he walked, Xiao Guo turned back and said, "Xiao Yu, I'm going in first. You can take your time choosing!"

With Xiao Guo gone, I was the only man left in the living room. I didn't know what to do, I was terrified, unsure whether to stand or sit. My aunt encouraged me to choose a woman too: "Your friend will be in there for forty or fifty minutes. It'll be awkward for you to wait here alone. You've come at the right time. Our girls today are especially good, and there's a new one from the mainland, only eighteen years old!"

My aunt pointed to a woman with large breasts. I could tell she looked twenty-five, but she insisted she was eighteen, which annoyed me. But as I looked closer at their attire, my heart raced. These girls were all wearing only dresses with extremely low slits, exposing most of their breasts; you could almost see their nipples. Whether they had large or small breasts was immediately obvious, no doubt about it! And the skirts were 25 centimeters above the knee, almost as short as underwear. I glanced at them out of the corner of my eye, but still couldn't see any underwear. I secretly wondered, "Are they even wearing underwear?"

The auntie continued her sales pitch for a while, and I gradually couldn't resist anymore. I thought, "Okay, it's just a little money anyway. I'll pick a girl to go into the room, tell her I don't want to do anything, but I'll still give her the money. That way, I won't have to face all these women staring at me, and I can escape that annoying auntie." I chose the busty mainland girl recommended by the auntie. Although she looked to have a standard figure, at most only slightly chubby, her breasts were shockingly large, definitely a G-cup, completely disproportionate to her figure. Girls with her figure are at most a C or D cup, but she had super huge G-cups. I guessed she had probably given birth not long ago, hence the enormous size of her breasts!

My reasons for choosing her were partly altruistic: "She just gave birth and is still working this kind of money, it must be really tough. I chose her but we won't have sex, so she can rest for an hour and I can earn a little more money." But I also had a wicked thought: "If we really have sex, maybe... maybe I can get some breast milk!"

Lost in my thoughts, I followed the busty woman into the shop. She led me to a small room at the back, dimly lit with only a small yellow pendant light. I was wondering what reason to give to say, "We don't need to have sex, I'll still pay you." Just as I was about to say it, she locked the door and took off her dress with lightning speed!

Although the light was dim, I could vaguely see her body. I was stunned. She wasn't wearing a bra, and her breasts were indeed enormous, so large that they were slightly sagging.

The busty woman said, "Stop looking, take off your clothes, I'll help you take a bath."

At this point, my mind went completely blank, and I unconsciously took off my clothes. When I came to my senses, she had already soaked us both, applied shower gel to me, and then told me to lie on something strange. It wasn't a chair, nor a table; I didn't know how to describe it.

Then, the busty woman pressed her breasts against my face. I was shocked, and then felt a sense of suffocation. I saw her remove her breasts from my face, but then press them against my arm, twisting her whole body, and then pressing her breasts against my chest, lower abdomen, thighs, and penis...

She, she, she... she was actually using her huge breasts to bathe me!

Just as my heart was racing, she then grabbed my arm and rubbed her labia against my hand. Her pubic hair was very thick, but because of the shower gel, it didn't feel itchy at all. I only felt the warm, thick flesh rubbing against my arm.

Next, she sat on my upper abdomen. Perhaps because of her large breasts, I felt she was quite heavy and a little uncomfortable. However, my attention was quickly diverted because this time she was using her "whole body" to bathe me!

Her large breasts were pressed against my chest, her abdomen against my abdomen, her clitoris and labia against my penis, her thighs clamped around one of my legs, and she was twisting up and down vigorously, using every part of her body to bathe me! At this moment, I could no longer remember the belief I had when I first entered that "I don't want to have sex with you"... My mind went blank, and I didn't even know how this physical bath ended...

Then the busty girl helped me put on a condom and gave me a blowjob, and we had sex, etc. I won't go into details about these, because the physical bathing shocked me too much. The feeling afterward didn't bother me much, and I couldn't even ejaculate during sex.
(Back then, Xiaoyu was still a naive boy who firmly believed that "love is the prerequisite for sex," so he didn't feel anything during sex and didn't feel the urge to ejaculate.)

Afterwards, when my friend Xiaoguo drove me away, he told me that this was called a "Thai bath," which was just a form of pleasure and didn't contribute to "physical pleasure." But I was actually quite addicted to this feeling; the inner impact it brought was enormous. Although my cousin and I had bathed together for many years, we always used our hands to help each other bathe and caress each other; we never thought about using our entire bodies to wash each other. However, it's not easy to find places that offer "Thai baths" now, and the service isn't as professional as it used to be.

Although I was tricked into buying sex by my friend Xiaoguo, this was the first time in my life that I had engaged in sex work with a woman. I didn't sleep all night that day, sometimes thinking about my ex-girlfriend, sometimes thinking about the sex work I had just done. My views on love were greatly impacted...

From that day on, I fell into depravity, my views on love shattered, and "sex and love can be separated" became my new concept. I "ate fish," "drank tea," had one-night stands, and had casual sex with dozens of women.

[Sixth Diary Entry] Xiaoyu's Sex Diary: Caressing with My Cousin

Hello everyone, I'm Xiaoyu. Today I originally wanted to write about what happened between me and my other sexual partners, but judging from everyone's comments, it seems you all prefer my cousin, so I'll talk about my cousin and me first! We've been together for so many years, and a lot has happened. Besides "caressing games" and "bathing together," we've also developed feelings for each other, argued, almost been caught by adults, fought because my cousin was jealous that my cousin didn't love him, and I even followed my cousin and her boyfriend on their dates… There have been so many things! If I wrote them all down, I could probably write a novel. ==

Between my cousin and me, there exists an emotion that transcends kinship, but this emotion isn't romantic love. We both have an indescribable ambiguous feeling, and I've thought about it for a long time but still can't find a suitable word to describe our relationship.

I've longed for love since I was little. Before my cousin and I even started our "caressing relationship," I was already pursuing other female classmates. I was only in fifth grade then. I know the reason very well. I lost my mother when I was young, and my father was an alcoholic and gambler, often not coming home for a week or two. As a primary school student, I had to learn to be independent and live alone from a

young age. Lacking both paternal and maternal love, I transferred all these emotions to "love." I longed to meet a girl who loved me and would accompany me. During the Spring Festival holiday, my cousin and I'd gone from "bathroom peeping battles" to "intimate relations." But after the Spring Festival, they went back to their own homes, and I was back to living alone. The whole house felt empty, with only loneliness for company. I didn't know when my father would come home. I thought about my cousin every day. So much happened this Spring Festival…

My cousin and I peeked at girls showering for the first time. I saw a girl's breasts and genitals for the first time.
A girl touched my penis for the first time.
I ejaculated for the first time.
And… our first intimate play.

After that, my cousin often called my house and occasionally came to visit me on weekends. But for some reason, although I thought about her every day, I was terrified of seeing her. I avoided her, probably because the impact of my first ejaculation was too intense, and it happened in front of a girl. I felt extremely ashamed.

I hid from her for a long time, probably three or four months, maybe longer... One day, I came home from school and saw my cousin sitting at my door. I was startled and turned to run away, but my cousin, who was already in junior high school, was much taller and better educated than me. She rushed over and grabbed the back of my school uniform collar, yelling, "You little brat, you stinky little brat, you think you can run away!"

I didn't dare to turn around and struggled desperately, my hands wildly pushing and slapping back. I think I touched my cousin's chest, and she was startled and let go of me. I broke free and ran downstairs, but after only a few steps, I heard my cousin yelling, "Xiaoyu! If you run away again, I'm not going to be friends with you anymore! I...I...I...you..." Then I heard a loud "waaaah!" and my cousin burst into tears.

I'm terrified of girls crying, so when I heard my cousin cry, I tiptoed back upstairs, completely at a loss, not knowing how to comfort her. When my cousin saw me come back, she cried and yelled, hitting me repeatedly with her hands: "You little brat, you...you run away again! You run away again! I'm not going to be friends with you anymore!"

I quickly apologized, "Sister, don't cry, I won't run away again!"

My cousin stopped hitting me, but then she thought for a moment, reached out again, grabbed my left hand, opened her mouth, and bit down hard, making me cry out in pain!

She really bit me so hard that tears streamed down my face—it hurt so much!

She made me remember one thing forever—"Never mess with women!"

No matter how old or young a girl is, you should never push her too far. If you do, she really might bite... Many couples often joke with each other, "Bite me! Come on, bite me!" But I'm different. I would never say that to a woman because my older cousin's fierce bite back then really terrified me!

I don't remember what happened after that, since I was still in elementary school at the time, and it was a memory from over ten years ago, so my impression is very vague... I only remember that my sister and I were both crying, and we both cried as we walked in the door. I still don't quite understand why she was crying... But I cried because she bit me so hard.

I don't remember what happened after that. I only remember that when we went to sleep that night, my sister was holding my waist, but I was extremely excited and nervous, and I couldn't sleep at all. All I could think about was the scene of our first time making love. One moment I could see her tight labia with lots of soft hair, and the next I could see her naked body while taking a bath.

The room was pitch black, and I couldn't see if my cousin was asleep. I tentatively asked in a very soft voice, "Sister, are you asleep?"

My cousin didn't respond. I waited for a while, inhaling the faint fragrance emanating from her. I couldn't tell if it was her natural feminine scent or the smell of soap. I only knew that I increasingly wanted to touch her body and smell her fragrance. My lust grew, and I slowly reached out to touch her body. I felt that I touched her waist. I paused for a few seconds to make sure she was really fast asleep before I boldly moved my hand upwards. Although seeing my cousin's genitals last time had given me a huge shock, as a primary school student, I was still more interested in girls' breasts. I gradually moved upwards until I touched my cousin's breasts.

Although my cousin was only in the first year of junior high school, she was well-developed and already wore a bra, but I had no idea how to unhook it, so I had to reach inside the bra. My cousin's breasts were soft and elastic. I gradually touched the nipple in the center, expecting it to be soft and elastic as well. But to my surprise, it felt a little hard, and it seemed to get harder the more I touched it.

Touching a girl's breasts for the first time excited me greatly. I touched it for a long time, and the pressure unconsciously increased. Suddenly, I heard a soft shout in my ear: "Be gentle! It hurts!"

Just as I was enjoying myself, I suddenly heard my cousin's voice, and I almost died of fright! I quickly pulled my hand away, but I pulled too hard, and my cousin's bra was pulled loose and askew. I was afraid that my cousin would scold me, but instead, she gently took my hand and led it to her underwear.

(Long afterward, during a conversation, she told me that she hadn't slept at all the time; she had been waiting for me to touch her body... It turns out girls are so cunning even when they're young!) -__-;;

My fingers felt a wet, sticky sensation. I knew it was liquid flowing from between my cousin's tight, tender labia. I vaguely knew it wasn't urine, but being so young, I didn't know it was the love fluid a woman secretes when aroused. I only knew that this viscous liquid had a strange, unpleasant smell that made me even more aroused. My cousin pulled

my hand and rubbed it up and down her panties. I didn't dare struggle, only feeling her breathing getting louder and louder. My cousin took one of my hands and used it to masturbate. I didn't dare pull my hand away, but all I could think about was my cousin's breasts.

I couldn't help it; I was too young then to appreciate the beauty of a woman's labia and vagina, let alone the beauty of her neck, waist, legs, and so on. At that time, I only thought that the breasts were the most beautiful and attractive part of a woman.

I mustered my courage and reached out my other hand to touch my cousin's nipple again, but she pushed my hand away, saying, "Don't touch me there, it hurts!"

(We only learned a year or two later that her breasts were still developing, so her nipples were particularly sensitive. A light touch felt very comfortable and enjoyable to her, but if I touched her nipples for too long or used even a little force, the pleasure would turn into pain.)

Not being able to touch her breasts was a bit disappointing, but besides her breasts, I didn't know where else to touch. Then, on instinct, I touched my own penis. Having experienced my cousin masturbating me before, I knew that stroking my penis up and down would feel good, but I didn't dare to pull down my foreskin like she did, as that would be a little painful. So my stroking was smaller, and I probably didn't expose the glans.

In the darkness, we couldn't see each other. I could only feel my cousin's breathing getting louder and heavier, and I couldn't help but imitate her breathing. Strangely, when my cousin heard me panting, she actually panted even louder! However, my masturbation didn't last long. After only a short while, I felt that "extremely strong urge to urinate" that I had felt when I ejaculated last time surge back. I shouted, "Sister, I... I can't hold it in!"

My cousin was startled, but unlike last time, she didn't stop masturbating, grab my penis, or order me not to "pee." This time, she grabbed my hand even harder and rubbed her genitals. Afraid of ejaculating on the blankets and bed, I wanted to jump out of bed and rush to the toilet, but my cousin was enjoying herself and held my hand tightly. I tried to hold back from urinating, but it was no use. I only held it for three or four seconds before ejaculating. When I ejaculated, I involuntarily shouted and my whole body convulsed for more than ten seconds...

I don't remember what happened after that. I only remember panting for a while and then vaguely falling asleep.

I vaguely remember that before I fell asleep, my cousin was still holding my hand and helping her masturbate. I was so tired that I tried to pull my hand away, but she held on tightly, touching her genitals, refusing to let go. I had no choice but to let her do as she pleased, and I went to sleep on my own.

I don't know how long she touched me that day...

I only remember that when I woke up in the morning, I rubbed my eyes as I walked to the bathroom, but I smelled a very strong, fishy odor on my hands, which woke me up completely! I smelled my other hand and detected a faint odor. There was also some dry, white stuff on it. After a moment's thought, I realized one hand contained my cousin's vaginal fluid, while the other contained my own semen, which I had to wash off with soap for ages…

Later, we found dried semen on the bed, and a small stain on the surface where she was lying. We two kids spent a lot of effort washing the sheets and blankets. After finally finishing, we rushed off to school… That morning almost killed us.

After our first time making love, because it was my first time ejaculating, and it happened on her hand and clothes, I felt ashamed to ejaculate in front of a girl, so I avoided her for several months. Last night, we finally made love again, but this time I opened up and stopped avoiding my cousin. She started coming to my house every day, and eventually, she just moved in and wouldn't leave.

(Actually, half of it was because I was afraid my cousin would bite my hand again = =;; so I dared not avoid her anymore.)

However, my cousin stayed at my house too frequently, and she never brought her younger brother with her, which caused misunderstandings with my aunt and uncle. They mistakenly thought that my cousin was heartbroken because my mother had passed away early and my father often went gambling and didn't come home, so she specially came to stay at my house to take care of my younger brother. They even praised their daughter for being loving and knowing how to take care of her younger cousin!

Little did they know that the truth was that the two of us kids were actually on a "journey of exploring the mysteries of the human body"...

And my cousin, because his sister and I became very close, was jealous and threw tantrums for a while! But we didn't dare tell him about the "caressing games" between my cousin and me. We were afraid he would tell the adults about it, so we deliberately distanced ourselves from him.

After that, I developed strange feelings for my cousin. I fell in love with my cousin, so I stopped peeping at her while she was taking a bath with my younger cousin. I didn't want other boys to see my cousin's naked body. Fortunately, my cousin was too young. He really only saw peeping as a game. After he ran out of things to play with, he focused on video games and gradually forgot that we used to peep on my cousin together.

My cousin and I played a game of caressing for about six or seven years… I'll talk about what happened between us another time! This time it took me so long to write, it's so tiring!

I wrote this in my diary while reminiscing about my cousin, and my penis was erect the whole time. I wrote this entry for four or five hours today, and my penis has been erect for four or five hours as well. To be honest, this is the first time I've maintained an erection for so long. This… this is really painful!

[Seventh Diary Entry]: My Cousin and I's Kissing Game

Hello everyone on the Ellie Forum and Facebook, today I'll continue talking about what happened between my cousin and me when we were little.

Starting from sixth grade, my cousin and I began our "caressing game," and in the six or seven years that followed, so many things happened between us.

We were very close, but we were, after all, cousins. The shackles of "family" separated us, even though we weren't related by blood...

My cousin and I were adopted by my aunt and uncle. Because we grew up together, no matter how close we were, we could never break free of these shackles. Every time we enjoyed heavenly physical pleasure, we also suffered hellish guilt.

Therefore, we did everything, but we just never had sexual intercourse. Until the very end, I never penetrated her vagina. Because of the guilt, we both tried our best to restrain ourselves, each restraining the other from penetrating.

Looking back now, the only word to describe our willpower to endure was "miracle"...

After my second caressing game with my older cousin in sixth grade, she often stayed at my house alone. At first, my younger cousin also wanted to stay. The three of us siblings had always played and fought together since childhood, and my younger cousin suddenly felt neglected by us. He was very jealous, especially since he only learned in junior high that he was an adopted son of his parents. He felt even more strongly that he wasn't related to us and that we weren't blood-related, so his rebellious phase lasted for a long time.

My older cousin and I were the opposite. We became closer and closer. As we touched each other, feelings developed, and it was no longer just the sibling affection between "relatives".

We went on dates, ate together, slept together, and kissed, but the feelings between us were not "love". In junior high and high school, although we continued our caressing games almost every day, she had a crush on someone and had boyfriends. Although I never had a girlfriend, I did pursue girls.

While feelings were blossoming between us, we also allowed each other to fall in love with others, which occasionally led to jealousy and arguments. This emotional state was incredibly complex, beyond my ability to describe.

Initially, we simply caressed each other's genitals. After a month or two, we gradually began exploring other areas.

When I was in sixth grade, the most popular TV show was the Japanese drama "Itazura na Kiss," where a single kiss could drastically change the heroine's life. My cousin and I were also curious about kissing and tried our first kiss. However, after several attempts, neither of us felt anything special; it was merely "four lips touching," offering no sensual stimulation, let alone any emotional development—completely different from what was depicted in the drama.

Nevertheless, we continued kissing many times. Then, during one of our caresses, I suddenly had a brilliant idea and kissed her breasts. My cousin had developed earlier, with breasts already around a B cup. I'm shorter than her, and my hands are smaller, so my hands were just the right size to grasp her breasts.

I started by sucking on her tender pink nipples, and my cousin suddenly let out a soft moan, "Ah... um..."

We'd been caressing each other for months, and although we were always breathing heavily, we never made a sound (afraid my dad would suddenly come home and hear). This time, her sudden moan excited me greatly, and I kept sucking on her nipples, getting harder and harder with each suck.

Normally, my cousin hates it when I touch her nipples; I can touch her labia or other parts, but she won't let me touch her nipples for too long (she says it hurts if I touch them for too long). This time, however, she seemed to enjoy my kissing of her nipples. That's when I realized that using the tongue can bring a woman more pleasure than using the hands.

On a whim, I started licking upwards with my tongue, licking her breasts, collarbone, shoulders, and neck. When I licked her neck, my cousin reacted particularly strongly; she kept writhing her whole body, as if she was ticklish but also very comfortable. I kept sucking and licking, finally reaching her cheeks.

During foreplay, most people wouldn't lick the cheeks, no matter how much they lick. But this was my first time licking a girl's body, and I knew nothing about it. I just wanted to make my cousin feel better and hear her moans. So I licked her chin, her cheeks, her nose, her forehead, and even her eyelids, leaving her face covered in my saliva.

When we finally kissed, I put my tongue in. I felt a warm, wet sensation on my tongue, a tingling, itchy feeling that was also incredibly pleasurable. That's when I realized that the "kissing" shown on TV was fake—it wasn't pleasurable, and it didn't really spark feelings. Only a "French kiss" truly allows for a physical and emotional connection.

My cousin and I hugged tightly, our tongues intertwining in perfect harmony. Her breath tickled my eyes and nose as we French kissed for a very long time, several times longer than our usual caresses. We were both panting heavily. It was our first time French kissing, so our technique wasn't great. Sometimes our teeth would clash, and sometimes we'd accidentally bite each other lightly. But the hardest thing to control was our saliva. It flowed constantly in our mouths as we kissed, and by the end, our chins were covered in it, and the bed was soaked too. I couldn't tell if it was mine or hers.

I grinned and said, "Sister, you have so much saliva!"

My cousin lightly tapped my head and said, "Nonsense! It's clearly your saliva. Look, my face is all sticky!"

We were still young, so we argued back and forth about "your saliva" and "my saliva." But after a short while, my cousin asked me to kiss her a few more times. It seemed she especially enjoyed licking her body with me.

The next day, when my cousin tried to French kiss me, I refused. My throat was sore and achy that day, probably from using my tongue for too long. Not only did we French kiss for a long time, but I also licked her upper body for a long time, causing my tongue and throat to ache for two whole days.

My cousin only French kissed me, she didn't lick my body, and she didn't seem to feel any pain. I begged her to lick my body too, but she said boys sweat a lot and their bodies are dirty, and she absolutely refused. I protested for days, probably shouting "unfair!" a hundred times.

Finally, I got really angry. I stopped touching her genitals and stopped French kissing her. No matter how much she begged, scolded, ordered, or tempted me, I ignored her. We argued for days, and our caressing game stopped for days. My cousin couldn't take it anymore and finally half-surrendered, proposing a deal—I would lick her genitals before she would lick my body.

My cousin was curious if it felt good to be licked down there, so she suggested this exchange, which I readily agreed to. Later, as I caressed and licked her body, I licked my way down, finally reaching her inner thighs. I smelled the love juice flowing from her tight vagina, but the fishy smell emanating from it made it impossible for me to continue licking.

Actually, the smell wasn't strong; it was a faint, unpleasant odor. Although I found it a bit disgusting, somehow I also particularly liked it. The scent of her vaginal hormones both repulsed and fascinated me.

It was like the smell of durian—it's clearly a foul odor, but somehow it has a strangely fragrant quality, making you both hate and love it.

My face was buried between my cousin's thighs, and I hesitated for a long time. My nose was filled with her sweat, body odor, and the smell of her vagina. I watched the love juice continuously flowing from her tight vagina, but even in the end, I still couldn't bring myself to lick it.

The game suddenly stopped, leaving my cousin hanging in suspense. She kept begging me to continue licking her, but I still didn't dare. I retorted, "You have to kiss my little penis too!"

My cousin stubbornly replied, "Okay!"

She got up and held my small but firm penis, stroking it while sticking out her tongue to lick it. But as soon as her face got close, she immediately pulled back. I guessed she must have smelled something, and she hesitated for a long time before licking it.

I said angrily, "See! You still don't dare to kiss me!"

My cousin had nothing to say. That day, our caresses only went halfway before stopping. This was the first time my cousin didn't help me ejaculate, and I didn't help her reach orgasm.

Later, our caresses games included "French kissing" and "body licking," but my cousin still refused to lick me, especially after I graduated from elementary school and entered junior high. My genitals started growing hair, and my penis gradually grew larger.

My cousin used to think my penis was "cute" and "fun," but now she says it's "ugly and scary," which makes me very indignant. Unlike her, when I first saw her genitals, she already had pubic hair. Back then, I thought female genitalia were ugly, and that our male penises looked better when they were bare.

(I was too young then to appreciate the beauty of female genitalia; now I do, haha.)

We caressed each other hundreds of times. My cousin always wanted to try having her vagina licked, but I always refused. Later, I don't know if it was when I was in the first or second year of junior high, my cousin suddenly suggested we shower together. She wanted to lick each other after showering, thinking it would be cleaner that way.

I asked, "I can get just as clean by myself, so why don't you dare kiss me?"

My cousin said, "No way! You guys smell bad and sweat a lot. You only last five minutes in the shower, how can you get clean?"

To be honest, I really thought my cousin was prejudiced. Her body gets hotter and sweats more than mine. Every time I licked her, I would taste a slightly sour and salty flavor on my tongue—that was her sweat.

But I couldn't argue with her. She felt that she could get me cleaner by helping me shower, and that's when she could feel more comfortable licking my body. So we decided to shower together.

Although we had been caressing each other for a year or two, her tight labia had begun to open slightly, and her pubic hair had become thicker, while my bald little penis had become an ugly phallus, covered with abundant pubic hair. But we had never seen each other completely naked. We almost always caressed and kissed at night in bed.

I had only spied on my cousin while she was showering when I was in elementary school, and I hadn't seen her naked for a year or two since. This time, we were about to meet naked, and we were both very nervous. We stared at each other in the small bathroom, neither of us daring to take off our clothes first. My

cousin said, "Xiaoyu, why aren't you taking off your clothes yet?"

I said, "You take them off first, then I'll take them off!"

My cousin looked at my genitals and said, "I've already seen your little penis, what's there to be shy about?"

I retorted, "Aren't you the same? I've already seen your genitals too, and I almost kissed you, but you're still too shy to take them off?"

My cousin was a little embarrassed and angry, and ordered me to take off all my clothes, or she wouldn't lick my body. Although I was shy, I really wanted to be licked, so I boldly took off all my clothes.

My cousin watched as my penis broke through the thicket of hair, pointing straight to the sky. She wrapped her arms around my waist, stroking my penis back and forth with her hand while whispering in my ear, "You're so excited, why are you pretending to be shy? You're such a little devil!"

My penis was stimulated, and my lust intensified. I urged my cousin to take off her clothes, but she hesitated for a long time before starting. Watching her undress and unhook her bra, I finally understood that a woman's bra is unhooked from behind. When we made love in bed, my cousin never wore a bra, so I only learned how to help a woman take off her bra now.

My cousin was voluptuous, a little overweight. At that time, she probably weighed around 40 kilograms (I forgot her height). I stared at her large breasts, but my cousin covered them with her hands, refusing to let them down.

My cousin has always disliked me staring at her chest. Her reason is that the boys in her class often secretly stare at her chest, especially during PE class when they run. Those stinky boys would point at her chest and laugh. So, she often pretends to be sick during PE class, saying she's on her period or has an upset stomach, to avoid it.

Actually, she's very healthy; she doesn't experience stomach pain at all. In fact, her libido is particularly high during her period, and she'll ask me to caress her three or four times a day. But I'm the opposite. I hate touching her during her period because it gets my hands covered in blood, and the smell is very strong. Especially the bloodstains on the bed are incredibly hard to wash! Every time she has her period, we have to spend all our allowance to buy a bunch of towels to put on the bed.

My cousin said, "Turn around, I'll wash your back." I obediently turned around and felt a pair of hands rubbing soap on the back of my neck and back. After a while, my cousin hugged me, her breasts pressing against my back, and her hands reached forward to rub soap on my chest and abdomen.

No wonder my cousin said guys are so casual about showering. I can shower in five minutes by myself, but she probably spent half an hour washing me. There really is a difference between how girls and guys shower!

My cousin was extremely meticulous, carefully washing me from my neck to my thighs, especially my penis. Maybe she was worried it would smell bad when I licked it later, so she scrubbed it for a particularly long time, almost making me ejaculate...

While she was washing me, I wasn't idle either; I touched her body to my heart's content. However, when I washed her armpits, she clenched them tightly. My cousin felt it was embarrassing for a guy to see her armpit hair, and no matter how much I begged her, she wouldn't raise her arms to show me her armpits.

(I still don't understand, what's so shameful about this? I've seen and touched every inch of her skin, but she still won't let me see her armpits = =;; Women's thoughts are sometimes really hard to understand.)

We must have showered for about an hour. After we finished showering and got dressed, I secretly opened the bathroom door to make sure Dad hadn't come home yet, as usual, before I felt relieved and led my cousin to bed.

Back in the room, we started kissing and caressing. As usual, I licked every inch of my cousin's skin. Maybe because she had just showered, her body was hot, and I felt my face burning. This time, when I licked her body, I could smell a very fragrant scent, unlike before when it smelled a little sour and salty. However, my cousin's body sweats quite easily, and when I licked her inner thighs, I could still smell sweat.

Fortunately, this time she had a strong soapy scent, and the sweat and vaginal smells were very faint. This time, I didn't feel disgusted at all; on the contrary, I found it very fragrant. As I licked her inner thighs and groin, my cousin's moans grew louder, as if encouraging me to lick longer.

But when I licked her labia, she took a deep breath and fell silent. I looked up at her; her eyes were tightly closed, her brows slightly furrowed, and her mouth slightly open. After a while, she opened her eyes and said, "Why did you stop? Keep going!"

I asked curiously, "Does it feel good to kiss here?"

My cousin blushed and said, "I'll kiss you next time, then you'll know."

Hearing that my cousin was finally willing to lick my body, and might even lick my penis, I happily continued to lick her labia. With each lick, my cousin's moans grew louder. I suddenly noticed that her labia were slightly looser than before, revealing her vulva slightly, but it was still very tight. I curiously stuck my finger in, but I could only insert half a knuckle before I couldn't go any further. When I pulled my hand back, I saw that the first knuckle of my index finger was covered with my cousin's love juice, and the love juice was very thick, even with threads that connected to her vulva.

At that time, my cousin's genitals weren't fully developed, and her clitoris wasn't very prominent. So, I was only focused on licking her labia and playing with her vulva with my fingers. I got really into it and kept gently probing her vulva, trying to see how much lubrication would flow out. The more I probing, the more lubrication she produced, as if it would never run out.

My cousin's moans grew louder and louder. I was a little worried; if my dad suddenly came home, he would definitely hear her moans! But at that moment, my lust was at its peak. Although I was a little scared, I continued to play with her vulva. Suddenly, my cousin screamed, grabbed my hair with both hands, and clamped my head tightly between her thighs, making it hard for me to breathe.

The convulsions and vibrations of my cousin's body reached my head, and I could feel her thighs shaking violently. It took several seconds before she finally released my head. I looked up and gasped for breath, feeling that everything below my nose was wet. She had pressed my head down so hard that my face was covered in her lubrication.

Although we've made love hundreds of times, I rarely see my cousin climax. Her stamina is always better than mine. I always ejaculate first during our caresses, while she takes a long time to climax. Sometimes, after I ejaculate, I'm tired and want to sleep, but she's still holding my hand and caressing me. So, I don't always see her climax.

I can only guarantee she'll climax when she's menstruating, because her libido is particularly strong during that time, and she'll ask for more caresses. But I only ejaculate once or twice before my libido wanes. Although I still get an erection when my cousin caresses my penis, it feels numb.

My cousin climaxed, but my penis is still painfully swollen! I lay on the bed, gently shaking my cousin's body, and said, "Sister, it's your turn to kiss me."

My cousin's voice was hoarse and weak as she said, "Xiaoyu, I have no strength left..."

I urged her on. She tried to sit up, but she was too weak and collapsed against my chest halfway up.

My cousin said coquettishly, "I'm too weak... Xiaoyu, can I rest for a while?" She kissed me and snuggled up beside me.

My penis was still erect. I wanted to insist that she get up and lick it for me, but I also felt sorry for her being so tired. It was the first time I had ever seen her so weak and powerless. That's when I realized how deep my feelings for her were, so I didn't force her and instead suppressed my desire.

I gently stroked her back and talked to her until she fell asleep. After she fell asleep, I looked at her face and masturbated, ejaculating on her thigh. This was the first time I had ever masturbated to the point of ejaculation. Afterward, I felt a strange emptiness...

I realized that I had fallen in love with her.

At that time, I already knew that my feelings for her were not "love."

However, I also knew that my feelings for her were not just "like." This inexplicable feeling, even now, I still don't know how to describe it.

[Eighth Diary Entry]: More decadent sex, more intense feelings

... Well, I welcome all netizens who message me wanting to discuss sex knowledge, sex techniques, or simply want to talk about love. But if you ask me how to find casual sex partners, I'm powerless to help. Sometimes, besides personal charm, it also depends on fate. Although I've had quite a few casual sex partners, there have been failures, and there have been times when I went almost a year without a sexual partner. These things are hard to say; it depends on fate. For example, I lack personal charm, so I've never had a chance to marry or find a girlfriend, but I have a lot of romantic luck and have had quite a few sexual partners.

Enough of this small talk; let's get back to my story with my cousin. Initially, it was just the two of us kids enjoying physical pleasure, but after I realized I liked my cousin, my expressions and actions towards her became very gentle. My cousin didn't notice; she was simply immersed in the caressing games. But my aunt and uncle were different; they are adults after all, and they immediately realized I liked my cousin.

My older cousin started staying at my house alone after I was in sixth grade. My aunt and uncle felt sorry for my mother who had passed away early and my father who often gambled and drank, sometimes not coming home for days at a time. So they encouraged her to take care of me. However, as time went on, they noticed that my cousin stayed at our house far more often than she came home. My aunt felt that this couldn't continue, so they discussed taking me in with them, seemingly wanting to adopt me.

I wasn't keen on moving in. With adults and my younger cousin at home, our opportunities for affection would decrease, and it would be even harder to bathe with my cousin. But no matter how unwilling I was, I couldn't find a reason to refuse, so I obediently moved in. After living with me for only a few days, my aunt and uncle discovered that I had fallen for my cousin (I was being too obvious). Although they thought I was developing feelings for her too early, they didn't stop me from pursuing my feelings since we weren't related by blood. They just repeatedly hinted that I should "date in college" and that "it's too early for middle school students to date," subtly advising me to focus on my studies.

Moving into my cousin's house was incredibly painful—she was completely oblivious to my feelings, our intimacy was reduced, we couldn't shower together anymore, and she repeatedly refused my attempts to penetrate her (though she sometimes couldn't resist, and sometimes I was the one who refused). I channeled all this pain into physical intimacy, engaging in more and more depraved sexual practices.

Some of these methods were unacceptable to most people, and I tried suggesting them to other partners, but they would often stare wide-eyed and reject me in disbelief… Only my cousin and I were completely absorbed in these methods, unable to extricate ourselves.

Let's take an example. Let's evolve "French kissing" into "mud kissing."

One day, unusually, no one was home except my cousin and me for dinner. Halfway through my meal, I suddenly had a wicked thought. I mashed the food in my mouth, turning it into a paste, and then pretended there was nothing in my mouth to kiss my cousin. When she saw me suddenly hug her, she instinctively offered her mouth. As we were French kissing, she suddenly realized there was something in my mouth and struggled a little, but I held her hand firmly and straddled her. She couldn't move at all and had no choice but to accept the food that I forced into her mouth with my tongue. I

pulled my tongue back and commanded her, "Eat it! Don't spit it out!"

From the past to the present, in our caresses, baths, and body kisses (later she even dared to kiss my whole body), it's always been my cousin giving orders and me obediently following them. This time, when I suddenly commanded her, she was a little angry, but more surprised. She originally wanted to spit it out, but seeing my half-pleading, half-commanding expression, she hesitated for a moment and actually swallowed it!

After my cousin swallowed, she opened her mouth and stuck out her tongue, which curled slightly, leaving a little food residue on it, as if to show that she had really eaten it. Then she commanded me, "See, I ate it, now it's your turn!"

I was shocked and fell to the ground. I never expected my cousin to be so daring, not only swallowing the food I had bitten but also trying to feed me! I sat there dumbfounded, watching my cousin excitedly select dishes from the table and put them into her mouth. She took a couple of bites, then used her chopsticks to put a small mouthful of rice into her mouth, chewing while looking at me with a wicked smile.

I was stunned for a moment, forgetting to run away, and watched as my cousin pushed me down, pinned me to the ground, and turned her head towards me. My mind was focused on keeping my mouth tightly shut, not opening it, but we had kissed so many times that I instinctively opened my mouth and stuck out my tongue... She put the food from her mouth into mine, and I instantly felt like vomiting! I now realize that no matter how delicious a dish is, once someone bites it into a pulp, the feeling of holding it in your mouth is absolutely disgusting!

After my cousin put that lump of mud into my mouth, she didn't let me go. She kept stirring my tongue and the mud with her tongue. I felt disgusted, but also comfortable. She made my mouth full of a mixture of saliva and mud. Even my upper and lower teeth, inside and out, were covered with food residue.

My cousin's smile was as bright as an angel's, but her words were as terrifying as a demon's whisper: "My darling Xiaoyu, I just swallowed it as you told me! If you spit it out..." My cousin thought for a moment, looked at the dishes on the table, and said, "I'll feed you all the leftovers on that table like this!"

I was completely dumbfounded. I forced myself to swallow it, but as soon as it went down, I felt nauseous and almost vomited. My throat was filled with the sour smell of stomach acid.

Seeing that I obediently followed her orders, my cousin smiled smugly and said, "Hmph! Let's see if you dare to order me around again!"

I reflexively retorted, "Sure, what's there to be afraid of!"

My cousin gave me a sarcastic look and raised her voice, "Oh? Then I'll feed you again!"

I was actually quite scared and wanted to give in, but after all, I was still a middle school kid, too impulsive, and I actually retorted again, "Fine, I'll feed you then, who's afraid of who!"

Then, we ate for almost two hours, like we were arguing and bickering, each of us holding a mouthful of food, and trying to pick the food the other hated the most, chewing it into a pulp in our mouths, and then simultaneously feeding it to each other while French kissing. At first, we both felt disgusted, our brows were tightly furrowed, and our faces were full of bitterness, but somehow, despite how disgusting it was, after feeding each other a dozen or so times, we gradually became addicted.

You might find it hard to imagine, but you'll know once you try it. When you watch your partner mash up delicious food, and then you put it in your mouth, you'll first feel three sensations: "wet, soft, and salty." That's their saliva mixed with the food residue. Then, during a French kiss, it swirls around in both of your mouths. Besides the pleasurable sensation of their tongue rubbing against yours, you'll also feel the muddy foreign matter flowing around in your mouth. Some gets stuck between your teeth, some sticks to the back of your tongue, and some is stuck at the junction of your front teeth and lips. You'll experience a very disgusting, very strange, and very exciting feeling.

When you see the mouth, tongue, teeth, lips, and corners of your mouth of the person you like covered in the food scraps you gave them, even with saliva and muddy residue dribbling from the corners of their mouth, you'll feel a sense of conquest. This sense of conquest is even stronger when you see them enjoying the French kiss yet also feeling disgusted and frowning, a mixture of wanting to vomit and enjoying it—that coy, hesitant expression!

After my cousin and I discovered the new game "muddy tongue kissing," it was a bit grotesque, but it excited us immensely. We tried desserts, ice cream, cookies, drinks, food, fruit... we tried everything edible! We even tried mixing sweet and salty foods, with one person holding food in their mouth while the other had ice in theirs. Finally, we even tried inedible things—toothpaste, semen, and vaginal fluid.

We'd put toothpaste on each other's teeth and then "brush" them with our tongues! However, after brushing... my whole tongue felt cool and spicy, which was a bit uncomfortable, so I wouldn't recommend trying this = =

As for semen, although she had eaten it before, and I had eaten her vaginal fluid, we had never eaten our own. At first, it was quite difficult to overcome the psychological barrier; it was really hard to accept. But in the end, we still mustered up the courage to try it. She had my semen in her mouth, and I had her vaginal fluid in my mouth. We stirred it with our tongues for a long time before swallowing it together.

(The psychological impact of eating your own semen is very strong, so please use with caution.)

Although our games decreased after I moved into their house, they became more and more decadent. My feelings for my cousin also deepened. My cousin wasn't oblivious; although she didn't notice at first, she only realized I liked her when I threw a tantrum after she got her first boyfriend in high school.

My cousin wasn't completely indifferent to me; she harbored a strange affection for me. So, even while she was dating other men, we continued our playful interactions. When I was pursuing other girls, she would act as my advisor, giving me advice. This strange relationship led us to develop a unique personality trait—we weren't easily jealous.

Normally, when a boyfriend stares at a girl in a short skirt or whose underwear is showing, the girl will get angry. But my cousin would accompany her husband in admiring the girl, even discussing her thighs, breasts, and face with him. When other girls talked to her husband on the phone, she rarely questioned him like a typical girl would.

I treated my ex-girlfriends the same way. However, my cousin was much luckier than me. Most men would rather have a girlfriend like my cousin, but women certainly wouldn't want a boyfriend like me… So, my previous girlfriends all got very angry about this, thinking I didn't love them enough. Otherwise, why would I so casually discuss with them whether other men were handsome or had good bodies… Sigh!

I seem to have gone off-topic, straying a bit from the topic of "sex"...

Oh well, I'm tired of writing today. I'll write about my more decadent lovemaking games with my cousin another day.

Hello everyone, I'm an ordinary person, an ordinary man, but I've had extraordinary experiences with women. These are secrets I can't share with friends, so I write a diary online, recording my real experiences. These experiences are real, so they won't be as blood-pumping as those in erotic novels, but they are more real and vivid.

Note 1: To protect the individuals involved, names and occupations have been modified. Note 2: This is a true story, and I have obtained permission from the moderator, Xiaohuan, to share my past here.

I didn't believe in fate, but now I'm starting to believe. My name is Xiaoyu, I'm thirty years old, and although I've had three girlfriends, none of them lasted more than six months. However, I've had sex with dozens of women! I've always longed to meet true love, to date and marry a woman, and grow old together, but fate seems to have no affinity for love and marriage, yet I often have romantic encounters involving intimate physical contact.

Of the women I've had sexual relations with, three are my girlfriends, one is my cousin (not related by blood), and the others are long-term partners, one-night stands, escorts, saleswomen, etc. The vast majority are from Taiwan, but there are also foreigners from mainland China, Vietnam, and the Philippines.

I'm plain-looking, have an average build, no career success, and am not wealthy. I'm neither attractive nor sophisticated, and a man like me has almost no appeal to women, so I often worry about not being able to find a girlfriend.

However, I possess an advantage that most men lack—gentleness and attentiveness. Therefore, in terms of sex, I have an irresistible charm that women find hard to resist, making them seek my comfort again and again, like an addiction to delicious food. [Second Diary Entry] Xiaoyu's Sex Diary: Voyeurism in the Bathroom

Every man has had the experience of voyeurism and sexual fantasies, and I'm no exception. Most men's targets for voyeurism are their mothers or sisters, but I come from a single-parent family and live with my father. Therefore, my first target for voyeurism was my cousin (not related by blood).

My aunt and uncle couldn't have children, so they adopted a daughter and a son, my cousins. I was twelve years old then, in sixth grade. My cousin was a year older than me, and my cousin was two years younger. They stayed with us for a week during the Spring Festival, and my cousin and I enjoyed a week of eye candy.

Our house was an old apartment, and the vent below the bathroom door was an old-fashioned design. You could peek inside through the gaps in the slats, but the slats were angled downwards, so you couldn't see much. One day, I had a brilliant idea. I removed the vent and installed it upside down. I could lie on the floor and peek into the bathroom from below, getting a clear view of what was going on inside.

The first time my cousin took a shower at our house, I was extremely nervous. It was the first time in my life I had done something illegal, and the first time I had ever peeped. My heart was pounding so hard it felt like it was going to jump out of my mouth. My whole body was trembling with tension, and my hands and feet felt weak and sore. I first lay on my back on the floor, and the cold tiles made my body tremble even more. My teeth chattered, making a faint sound.

As I lay down, I peeked through the vent blades and saw my older cousin undressing. Although she was only in the first year of junior high, she was much more developed than me, more than ten centimeters taller, and had very large breasts. At the time, I didn't know how to distinguish bra sizes; I only knew that when my cousin bent over to take off her underwear, her beautiful, hanging breasts made my blood boil and my lower body feel uncomfortable.

I was young then, ignorant about sex, and didn't know how to appreciate the beauty of a woman's body. I was only focused on peeking at her breasts. Back then, I thought that only a woman's breasts were beautiful; other parts like her buttocks, thighs, and vagina weren't worth appreciating. I even foolishly thought that a woman's genitals were flat, unaware that a woman has a vagina and a uterus. Nearly twenty years ago, sex education courses in elementary and junior high schools were not well-developed. Female teachers would often skip this chapter out of shyness and would not explain the male and female sexual organs in detail. Moreover, computers and the internet were not widespread at that time, and the only way to secretly watch porn was through the Rainbow Channel on TV. The porn shown was also censored. Although I saw the male actor vigorously penetrating the female actor's genitals in various positions, I couldn't tell whether the woman's genitals had an opening. So I naively thought that men just used their penises to rub against a woman's flat genitals and didn't know that a woman's genitals had an opening for penetration.

My cousin has a full figure and is quite voluptuous, but she is not obese. I always thought she had big breasts, but I didn't expect that her buttocks were also particularly perky when she was naked. I focused my gaze on her breasts, but she always had her back to the bathroom door, so I rarely saw her nipples. However, this made me less nervous. I didn't have to worry that she would find out that I was peeping.

My cousin's voluptuous naked body made my penis painfully erect. As a sixth-grader, I was still quite naive and had no experience with ejaculation, let alone how to masturbate. I just acted on instinct, rubbing my penis back and forth through my pants.

I spied on my cousin while she was showering for three or four days. Later, my two siblings and I got into an argument while playing games. I secretly pulled my younger brother aside and told him that we would get revenge on her by spying on her while she showered that night. So I gained a new comrade to lie down and spy on her, and he was only eleven years old. However, because he was too young, he couldn't control his nervousness. When he was discussing my cousin's figure with me, he accidentally raised his voice. My cousin, who was showering, turned around and saw that we two kids were spying on her. She was so angry that she splashed water on us, and my cousin and I ran away with screams.

At that time, the three of us were clueless about "sex" and "privacy." Although my cousin was angry, it was just like kids bickering and throwing tantrums while playing games, not anger at being violated. My cousin and I, because we had been discovered, simply started spying "openly." We were still lying on the floor peeping, but we were also loudly discussing my cousin's figure. My cousin was both annoyed and amused, and tried to cover the vent with a washboard, a bucket, and other things to stop us from spying. The three of us siblings thus began our bathroom spying battle for the rest of our vacation.

On the last afternoon, my cousin was playing video games in the living room, while I was taking a nap in my room. Suddenly, I felt someone touching my body. I was just feeling sleepy and didn't want to pay attention to him, but the person kept touching my legs, making me feel itchy. I opened my eyes groggily and saw my cousin sitting on the edge of the bed with a flushed face.

I said, "I want to sleep, don't bother me..."

My cousin stammered, "Then, then go to sleep!"

I closed my eyes, trying to fall back asleep, but after a while I felt my cousin touching my waist again. I opened my eyes and glared at her: "Stop touching me, it's annoying!"

My cousin paused for a while without saying anything, then suddenly said, "I'm going to tell your dad you peeked at me while I was showering!"

This startled me awake. I had thought it was just a game we kids played, and I vaguely felt that peeping was a bad thing, but I couldn't quite put my finger on why. I only knew that if my dad found out, I would definitely be beaten to death!

I was so nervous I almost cried: "Please don't tell him, Dad will beat me!"

My cousin actually smiled happily and said, "Then you have to listen to me, and I won't tell him."

I readily agreed, swearing that I would listen to her no matter what. My cousin's face flushed even redder, and she stammered, "Then...then...can I see your little penis?"

I was startled and quickly said no, but my cousin suddenly became bolder and said, "You've been peeking at my body for so many days, and you don't even want to see it once? Then I'll tell your dad!"

I was so nervous I didn't know what to do. Suddenly, I steeled myself, stood on the bed, and pulled down my pants and underwear, revealing my little penis. At that time, I was only in sixth grade, not yet fully developed, and didn't have a single hair.

I was much shorter than my cousin, but because I was standing on the bed, my little penis was right in front of her eyes. My cousin stared wide-eyed at my little penis, her mouth agape in surprise. I guess it was also the first time my cousin had ever seen a boy's genitals.

My cousin stammered, "I...I...can I...touch it?"

I naively replied, "Don't be too rough!"

She gently tapped and touched it with her index finger, stimulating my penis, which gradually swelled. Seeing my erection, she wasn't scared at all; instead, she laughed and said, "So cute!"

I retorted, "That's not fair! I can only see your body, but you can touch my penis! I want to touch yours too!" My eyes were fixed on my cousin's chest. I'd wanted to touch her breasts for a long time, but never had the courage. Now I finally had the chance.

My cousin hesitated for a moment, then suddenly stood up and pulled down her pants and underwear. I wanted to say, "I want to touch your breasts, why are you taking your pants off?" But when I looked at the tuft of developing pubic hair on her lower body, my mouth dropped open, and I was speechless with surprise.

I never knew girls had pubic hair! (That damned mosaic in porn misled my innocent teenage self.)

When I peeped, I only stared at her breasts, never looking at my cousin's genitals. So, even after watching her shower for so many days, I still didn't know what her genitals looked like.

My cousin lay on the bed, blushing, with her legs spread, and said, "Didn't you want to touch it?"

I swallowed hard and brought my face close to my cousin's genitals. Only then did I realize that besides the hair, her genitals had a strange little slit, and there was always fluid coming out. This was the first time in my life I had ever seen a woman's genitals. I was so surprised that I couldn't speak. I just thought that a woman's genitals were so ugly. Before, when I watched porn, I thought that a woman's genitals were flat, but now I knew that there was a vulva.

I reached out and touched her labia. The fluid there was wet and sticky, indescribably disgusting. I brought it to my nose and smelled a strange, strong, fishy odor that made me want to vomit. But for some reason, I felt my whole body burning up, my heart pounding as if it would jump out of my mouth. I felt extremely excited and began to stroke my cousin's labia again.

At that time, I was only in sixth grade and didn't know that a woman's vagina could be penetrated. I only saw that my cousin's labia were tight, almost imperceptible as to whether there was a "hole" for a finger to go in. So, no matter how much I touched her, I never imagined I could insert my finger inside.

My cousin was clearly more excited than I was. Her face was flushed, she was panting, and her body was trembling slightly. She watched as my throbbing penis continued to throb, seemingly trying to grow larger, but only to a limited size. Suddenly, she said, "I want to touch yours too!"

I couldn't think straight then; I just obeyed her, moving closer to her so she could touch my penis. Suddenly, she started stroking it. I felt a mixture of pain and intense pleasure, an indescribable sensation! I looked down and saw that she had slightly pulled back my foreskin, revealing only a tiny bit of the glans. It was the first time I'd ever seen my own glans, and I was incredibly curious. My cousin was just as curious. She gently touched my glans, and I cried out, "Ah!"

She asked anxiously, "Does it hurt?"

I replied, "A little, but it feels so good... Oh! Don't stop!" This wonderful feeling was irresistible; my body swayed back and forth, yearning for her to continue stroking my penis.

My cousin stroked my penis with one hand while touching her own clitoris with the other. At that time, I couldn't distinguish between the clitoris and the labia; I only knew that she was stroking me while simultaneously giving me a handjob.

We huddled together, panting, our breathing growing louder and louder. I felt waves of pleasure surging through my body. Suddenly, I yelled, "I need to pee!" My cousin was startled when she heard me say I needed to pee. Afraid I would pee on her, she gripped my penis tightly and commanded, "Don't pee! Go to the toilet!"

I desperately clenched my penis, trying to resist the urge, but it was irresistible, relentlessly stimulating my penis. I closed my eyes and said, "I can't take it anymore, I'm about to pee!"

My cousin was terrified and said, "Don't pee! Don't pee!" She stopped masturbating and gripped my penis tightly with both hands. It hurt, but I still couldn't stop the urge. Suddenly, I ejaculated white "pee," spraying it onto her hands and clothes. My cousin screamed, and I screamed too. My whole body trembled, my mind went blank, as if I had fallen into heaven. My penis throbbed and twitched incessantly!

My older cousin, being a middle school student, understood sex better than I did. She knew it was "ejaculation," not "urination." She breathed a sigh of relief and said, "You lied to me and said it was urination!" I gasped for breath, unable to reply.

Later, my cousin told me it was ejaculation, not urination. Although I often secretly watched porn on Channel 4 at that time and masturbated through my pants, this was the first time I had ever ejaculated. I just felt that the feeling was so good that I could never leave the word "sex" again. Even now, more than ten years later, I still frequently have sex with women.

Later, when my older cousin and her younger cousin lived with us, I often slept cuddling with my older cousin. In the adults' eyes, we had a good relationship, and they all thought that my older cousin loved me more than her younger brother. Little did they know that when we cuddled together in the middle of the night, we were actually caressing each other, not sleeping.

Our caressing continued for many years, until she went to high school and got a boyfriend. She would still often sneak over to caress and bathe with me. However, we never had sex. Although my cousin was adopted by my uncle and we weren't actually related by blood, deep down we still felt it was wrong, so we never dared to cross that final line.

During those years, there were a few times when we caressed each other and bathed, I begged my cousin to let me penetrate her. There were also a few times when she got too excited and lost her senses, begging me to penetrate her. But in the end, we both held back at the last moment, never actually penetrating her; at most, we would just rub my penis against her clitoris.

We bathed and caressed each other for years, and she remained a virgin, as did I. Our caresses gradually decreased after she moved to a faraway university, and eventually we stopped mentioning it, treating it as our most precious secret. Looking back now, many years later, I really admire our willpower—to have endured so many years without sex!

But after all the caresses I did, she had long since lost her hymen. Fortunately, we always managed to restrain ourselves and didn't actually have sex; we just enjoyed the physical caresses. Otherwise, I would have truly felt guilty towards my cousin's current husband! Now, my cousin and I have never crossed any lines. We respect and love each other, but we never cross any boundaries. After she got married, my cousin told me in a chat that her husband didn't satisfy her, but we were just chatting; she wasn't implying that I wanted to have sex again.

Over the years, she has never mentioned caressing me again, and I have never mentioned it either. Although occasionally in the middle of the night, I think back to those wonderful days we spent together, and I guess she has also recalled the days when I caressed her, we are now adults, no longer impulsive teenagers, and our inappropriate behavior will never happen again. I can only share those beautiful memories of my youth with strangers online.

[Third Diary Entry] Xiaoyu's Sex Diary: Sex in Public

When I was twenty-five, I started playing online games and met several female netizens. I successfully arranged to meet three of them. Later, one of them became my second girlfriend, and another became my first sexual partner.

Meeting new girls online is actually quite simple, much easier than meeting new women in real life. However, getting them to meet up is a different story. Girls are very wary of strange men. Although they might be more open with you because you've never met them, and they'd tell you even the most private things, getting them to meet up is incredibly difficult.

If you want to meet a female online friend, you need to have a lot of appeal—even if it's virtual online.

I was the guild leader of an online game at the time, and a real money player. I spent money every day buying virtual items and also buying some for my guild members. In the eyes of my guildmates, I was a wealthy and caring top player.

(I did some equipment trading at the time, so I didn't actually spend much money on the game; in fact, I made a small profit in Taiwan dollars.)

This appeal led me to my second girlfriend and my first sexual partner. Today's sex diary is about my sexual story with my partner, "Meow Meow."

My sexual partner has a cute name, "Meow Meow." It sounds adorable, but she's actually a 36-year-old mature woman, a full 11 years older than me at 25!

She has a great figure and is a female doctor, much better off financially than I was when I first entered the workforce. The only downside is that she's not very attractive; she's below average. However, I don't care about her looks. Sexual partners are all the same in the dark. Her figure is far more important than her face, haha!

Meow Meow's ex-boyfriend was married, and she was his mistress for five years. In the end, he chose his family and left her. Later, she became addicted to online games, which is how she met me, the guild leader. Although she wasn't conventionally beautiful and was a mature woman, thanks to the years, she possessed extremely high-level sexual skills. On the first day we made love, her foreplay sent me soaring into the heavens, a dreamlike bliss. After making love with her, I finally understood what an "orgasm" truly meant. I realized that a man's "ejaculation" is not the same as an "orgasm," and that the feeling of an "orgasm" is a hundred times more pleasurable than "just ejaculation"!

Not only was her sexual technique superb, but her body was also incredibly sensitive!

Whenever she orgasmed, her vagina would tighten rapidly, gripping my penis tightly, as closely and continuously as a virgin's. When she first orgasmed, I thought she was faking it. Some women fake orgasms to satisfy a man's vanity or to finish quickly. Her vagina was so tight that I couldn't move at all as I thrust in. I couldn't push my penis further in or out; I was completely immobilized. This orgasm was so exaggerated; I suspected she had deliberately trained her vaginal grip strength. It was clearly acting!

But after having sex with her more than ten times over several days, one day I suddenly realized she wasn't acting; it was a real orgasm! Because during her orgasm, her neck and chest would turn completely red, like a rash from drinking too much alcohol, and it would gradually fade after three or four minutes. A woman's facial expressions can be acted, and the strength of her vaginal contractions can be trained, but whether her skin turns red is not something she can consciously control!

Her sexual skills were superb; she was my mentor in foreplay, teaching me how to be gentle with women, what a woman's true erogenous zones are, and how to bring a woman pleasure. After being her sexual partner for six months, I gradually surpassed her and became more knowledgeable about women's sensitive areas than she was, and I also began to tire of having sex with her.

One day, I suggested we make love outdoors. Miao Miao, always resentful that my skills were gradually surpassing hers, and wanting to regain control of the relationship, readily agreed.

At the time, I was working in a rented apartment. Our first outdoor sex session was on the back balcony. The balcony had no cover, only iron railings, a washing machine, and a dryer. The neighbors across the street could easily see us half-naked making love if they looked out the window. Other neighbors in the apartments could also come out at any moment. This tension made us both tremble slightly. For convenience, she wore a denim miniskirt without underwear. During foreplay, her vaginal fluid flowed down her thighs, some even dripping onto the ground.

Miao Miao was afraid a neighbor might be coming out, but driven by a competitive spirit, she kept trying to take the initiative, French kissing me, stroking my back with one hand and stroking my penis with the other inside my pants. However, we were embracing, so I realized she wasn't as natural as she appeared. Deep down, she was terrified, as her body was trembling violently!

Although I was nervous, I was in much better shape than her. We usually do half an hour of foreplay, but this time, perhaps due to the novelty and nervousness, we only did five minutes of foreplay before her vagina became incredibly wet. Not only were my hands and her thighs soaked, but the floor was also soaked. This excitement made me unable to restrain myself any longer. I lifted her buttocks and had her sit on the dryer. Her denim miniskirt couldn't cover her soaking wet vulva at all. I took out my penis and inserted it into her vagina. She let out a soft squeal and groaned twice, then remembered that we were outside and someone might see us having sex half-naked at any moment, so I quickly shut my mouth.

I love hearing her moans; her voice is loud but natural and unpretentious. Seeing her shut up now made me feel uneasy, so I abandoned my usual gentlemanly manners and instead of slowing down my thrusts, I thrust hard and forcefully, the dryer making a slight clanging sound as it shook. Miaomiao felt a pleasurable sensation and began to pant involuntarily, but she was still afraid of being seen and tried her best to keep her mouth shut.

I was also afraid of being seen, but I was unwilling to give up and not conquer her. I suddenly picked her up and made her lie face down on the balcony so I could have more force and speed with her. I put my hands inside my t-shirt, gripping her breasts tightly, and thrust my hips hard. Because of the force of the impact between Miaomiao's buttocks and my genitals, her whole body would vibrate with each thrust, and her tightly closed lips would briefly part, letting out a low moan. With each thrust, she would let out a soft "hmm." For a moment, the balcony was filled with the subtle sounds of our genitals colliding and her moans of "hmm...hmm...hmm...hmm..."

She liked to moan loudly, and I loved hearing her moan, but this kind of moaning, which she was trying so hard to suppress, was even more beautiful and melodious. Suddenly, I felt my penis being tightly gripped by her vagina, and I realized that she had orgasmed.

However, I was probably too nervous. Although my erect penis proved I was still excited, I didn't feel like ejaculating at all. I held her with one arm and gently stroked her hair with the other, whispering in her ear from behind, "Meow Meow, are you feeling good?"

Meow Meow nodded weakly and answered me in a very soft voice, "I didn't expect it to feel so good to do it outside..."

But she had an orgasm, and I hadn't ejaculated yet! I then asked, "Shall we go somewhere else outside and continue making love?"

Meow Meow hesitated for a while before answering. I'm always very gentle with women, so I wasn't in a hurry to have sex with her. I just gently stroked her hair and abdomen. I felt her body was burning hot, and she was completely weak. This tense and exciting feeling made her tremble violently for ten minutes. I guessed that she was very tired after her orgasm and wanted to ask to go back to the bed in the room to make love again.

After a long pause, Miaomiao whispered, "Hmm... let's change then..." Actually, I already knew she would agree; her strong-willed personality wouldn't allow her to beg for mercy. I pulled her denim shorts back up, then stuffed my penis into my pants, took her hand, and led her away from the balcony. We walked through five suites, through the main door, and down to the fifth-floor stairwell.

All the way, she kept her head down, not daring to look up, afraid someone would see her face. I, on the other hand, looked around nervously, checking if anyone was spying on us. Luckily, no one was watching, so it was a close call.

I rented a furnished suite in an old apartment building. Each floor had windows in the stairwell, about chest height for an adult. I opened the window and looked at the street; there were two or three pedestrians. Miaomiao was completely powerless, her body at my mercy. I turned her around, leaning her against the window, half her head sticking out. Miaomiao turned her head to look at the street, saw people, and being on the third floor, the excitement instantly turned into fear.

Meow Meow, trembling, asked me, "Xiaoyu, do we have to stay here? There are people outside!"

I countered, "So you want to go back to your room?"

Meow Meow's competitive nature kicked in again, and she said, "Let's stay here, it's quite exciting anyway."

A woman's uterus secretes a lot of fluid after an orgasm, but her libido cools down quickly, and her vagina soon becomes dry and sticky. So I didn't rush to penetrate her, but instead resumed foreplay, starting with French kissing and kissing my way down to her vulva. (I didn't mind that I had just penetrated her.)

Meow Meow grabbed my hair with both hands and pressed it forcefully inside, almost shoving my head into her denim miniskirt. She was nervous and scared, and her body was sweating profusely. I smelled the love fluid mixed with her sweat, and the strong female hormones made me unable to resist any longer. I stopped the foreplay and thrust my hips into her vagina again.

She clung to me tightly, while I twisted my hips and stole glances at the passersby. I was actually a little afraid they'd look up, and this time it was my turn to feel fear. Fear, mixed with the pleasure in my lower body, rushed to my brain. I realized this was wrong; I'd ejaculate in less than a minute—too fast! A wicked thought crossed my mind. I turned Miao Miao around, making her look at the people outside the window, and then tore her t-shirt. She was startled and accidentally screamed loudly. Luckily, there was a lot of noise on the street, and no one looked up.

Miao Miao turned and glared at me: "What are you doing?"

I chuckled, "I'm doing you!"

Miao Miao bit my hand angrily, and I pulled my hand away in pain. Then I forcefully tore her t-shirt again, exposing her entire breasts, which weren't wearing a bra. She quickly grabbed the torn fabric with her right hand to cover herself, while her left hand remained on the windowsill. I wanted to tear her t-shirt completely in the middle, but I couldn't tear it completely; I could only tear it in half, so I gave up.

Miao Miao held onto the windowsill with one hand, too afraid of heights to turn around and glare at me, yet she dared not let go of the fabric with the other, leaving me to do as I pleased. I kissed the back of her neck as I slowly thrust in and out, gradually increasing the speed. Although the street outside was noisy, I could hear Miao Miao's moans growing louder. I thought it was strange; wasn't she always afraid of being seen? I turned to look at her face; she was so scared that she simply closed her eyes.

I guessed that even though she closed her eyes, she must have been imagining shameful thoughts like, "Passersby must have seen us and are watching us make love," or "Someone is looking at my breasts." Because we had only been doing it for a few minutes, she had another orgasm, tightly gripping my penis. But actually, I had really reached my limit too. When she gripped me during her orgasm, I couldn't hold back any longer, forcefully pulling out and then forcefully thrusting back into her tight vagina.

Perhaps because I was on the verge of ejaculation, I used exceptionally strong force. Before, when her vagina gripped me tightly, I truly couldn't penetrate even half an inch deeper, but this time I couldn't hold back any longer. I thrust in with all my might, ejaculating my life essence. Although we've probably made love over a hundred times, this was the first time we'd orgasmed simultaneously. As I was ejaculating, I felt her vagina contracting wave after wave, as if it were sucking my semen away, leaving my mind blank and my whole body almost collapsing.

Afterwards, when we chatted, I always jokingly called her a semen-sucking spider woman, while she laughed at me, calling me a pervert in a gentleman's guise.

(Because I'm very gentle with girls, she calls me a gentleman, but I always find ways to make sex more exciting and novel for girls, so she calls me a pervert. Not the violent kind, though; I never use violence against women.)

Later, we did it in more exciting public places, and a few times we almost got caught, with others peeking at us, but we quickly hid. After doing it outdoors several times, the novelty and excitement wore off, and we went back home or to a hotel; comfort was the most important thing.

[Fourth Diary Entry] Xiaoyu's Sex Diary: My First Virgin Experience

Perhaps because I was born into a single-parent family, I don't have a mother, and my father was often violent towards me, which made me crave love from a young age. I developed feelings for girls early; starting in fifth grade, I began writing love letters to pursue them. But despite starting early, my various qualities weren't good, and I wasn't attractive to girls. Therefore, I could never get a girlfriend and could only be seen as a "good guy" or "best friend" in their eyes. After repeated failures, I gradually lowered my standards for pursuing girls, eventually reaching a point of being indiscriminate in my choices.

I've mentioned before that I have a lot of luck with women; I've had sex with countless women. Although what I truly crave isn't sex, but simply love, I just can't seem to attract women, let alone marriage. From childhood to adulthood, I've almost never had a girlfriend. Even though I desperately wanted to date and get married, I just couldn't find a partner.

When I was twenty-one, I finally had my first girlfriend. She had polio, wasn't very pretty, and her right leg was bowed outwards, making her walk with a noticeable limp. Most men wouldn't choose to date her, but at that time, I was so focused on being in a relationship that I didn't care about anything else. Even if she had polio, I would have dated a disabled person or someone extremely unattractive.

Our relationship progressed quickly, and we soon moved in together. However, love comes and goes quickly; we broke up after only three months. She longed for a mature man who would take care of her, but I was a naive young man, easily jealous and prone to temper tantrums, with a very immature view of love. Looking back now, I feel really guilty towards her, and I'm also grateful that she accompanied me through that brief period of love, allowing me to experience the bittersweetness of love for the first time.

However, the theme here is sex, not love. My love story will be briefly mentioned and will not be detailed further.

My first sexual experience happened in her brother's bed. Although I had many years of experience with caressing with my cousin, we were both clueless and didn't really "enjoy sex," but rather "enjoy caressing." Therefore, my sexual knowledge was still insufficient. At that time, my sexual knowledge came from Japanese pornographic films, and thus, I made the same mistake as all men—"the harder you fuck, the more pleasure the woman will have, the more forceful you are, the more comfortable the woman will feel."

Although my caressing technique was very good, my cousin and I never had sexual intercourse. I never penetrated my cousin's body, and therefore, my concept of piston-like movements during sex was wrong, just like all men in Taiwan, who thought that the faster and harder the penetration, the more comfortable the woman would feel.

After getting my first girlfriend, I was finally free to indulge myself. We had sex after dating for only a month. Having tasted the forbidden fruit for the first time, I was like a dog in heat, thinking only about sex all day long. Although my girlfriend loved my caresses, she always hated having sex with me. (However, she always kept it to herself.)

The first time we made love, she lay on the bed with her eyes closed, letting me do as I pleased. I openly examined every part of her body, observing her reactions as she pretended to be asleep. While undressing her, I noticed her breasts were uneven; her left breast was about a B cup, while her right was only an A cup, like a slightly protruding hill. When I took off her underwear, I noticed her right leg was emaciated, like a malnourished foot, while her left leg was strong and powerful. I guessed that because her right leg was weak, she had shifted her weight to her left leg over the years, making the left side of her body stronger than the right, which also explained the uneven breast size.

Although she wasn't particularly attractive, I was very curious about whether both sides of her body were equally sensitive. I used my hands and tongue to caress her entire body, and judging from her reactions, although her body proportions were different, her sensitivity was the same.

Since we were making love in her brother's bed, I was worried that he would come back and see us, so I only caressed her for about ten minutes before getting down to business. I took off my pants, picked up my penis, and prepared to insert it into her vagina, but after several attempts, I couldn't find a suitable position to insert it into her body. My penis rubbed back and forth against her labia for a long time, but I still couldn't get it in. Just when I was about to give up, my girlfriend suddenly opened her eyes, clamped her legs around my buttocks, and gently pulled my body forward with her hands. I actually inserted myself into her body!

It was my first time penetrating a woman's vagina, and I only felt that it was very warm and wet, sticky, and indescribably comfortable. But I also felt a little pain, but the pleasure far outweighed the pain, so I didn't care and started thrusting vigorously. With each insertion, I felt an intensifying pleasure and pain. I always thought only women felt pain during their first time, but I never imagined men would feel pain too!

I wonder if every man experiences pain during their first time? But I felt at least a little pain. Although I retract my foreskin during masturbation, I don't retract it all the way to the base. But during the first penetration, my foreskin naturally retracted to the base, so while thrusting, I felt pain in addition to pleasure.

Perhaps because of the pain, the pleasure was significantly reduced, and I continued thrusting for over twenty minutes before ejaculating inside her. Afterwards, when we chatted, she often questioned whether I was a virgin because my foreplay was so skillful and my stamina was so good. Little did she know that my skillful foreplay was due to years of continuous caresses with my cousin, and my good stamina was because my penis was in pain, causing me to ejaculate late. However, to save face, I didn't tell her the truth.

However, one thing convinced her that I was a virgin: during our first time having sex, I rubbed against her labia for a long time but still couldn't penetrate... making me seem very clumsy.

During foreplay, she always felt very comfortable, but during intercourse, I just kept thrusting wildly. She went from pretending to enjoy it, to feeling nothing, and finally enduring pain, but I didn't care. I was just enjoying the pleasure of my penis being enveloped by her warm vagina.

My first taste of forbidden fruit made me lose control. During our relationship, I demanded sex with her every day, sometimes up to three times a day. Towards the end, my penis even chafed raw, and it hurt terribly! We only abstained for three or four days; the rest of the time we continued having sex. But she endured it, afraid to tell me that simply thrusting wildly doesn't make a woman feel comfortable. Therefore, during that period, I was having sex with her using the wrong ideas.

Our relationship ended after only three months. She bore the bruises of my immature views on love back then, which made me feel very guilty and grateful. It made me more mature and stable in my second and third relationships.

[Fifth Diary Entry] Xiaoyu's Sex Diary: I Was Tricked into Buying Sex

Hello everyone, I'm Xiaoyu, and today's topic is buying sex.

Escort services, prostitution, tea drinking, fish eating, Thai bathing, the National Salvation Corps…etc., there are many methods, but they are all similar, only the process differs slightly; the goal is the same: "sex for sale."

I've had three girlfriends in total, and my second relationship is a permanent wound for me; I never want to talk about it… Before my second relationship broke down, I was a devoted man. The only women I ever slept with were my cousin and my first girlfriend. My sex life wasn't promiscuous; I was very monogamous. Back then, Xiaoyu was a devoted and good man.

But after my second relationship broke down, I fell.

Everyone vents their heartbreak differently; some smoke excessively, some drink heavily, some become addicted to online games, and some spend money on prostitutes. Back then, I was an honest man. I didn't smoke, drink, gamble, or visit prostitutes. I buried myself in my work, trying to forget her by being busy. I worked overtime every day, fifteen or sixteen hours a day, and didn't take a break for three months.

My mischievous friend Xiao Guo saw me working myself to the bone, and how I would become listless and lost in thought whenever I wasn't working. He tried to get me to try cigarettes and alcohol, but I refused. So, he secretly decided to trick me into going to prostitutes, to make me see women as nothing more than clothes, and to stop being so infatuated with one woman.

One early morning, he mysteriously knocked on my door, saying he wanted to take me to a "good place." I couldn't sleep because I was thinking about my ex-girlfriend, so I went with my mischievous friend Xiao Guo.

My friend Xiao Guo took me to an area in Sanchong. There were many small temples nearby, and red lanterns hung everywhere. Pointing to the lanterns, Xiao Guo said, "See? This place has red lanterns; they're selling sex there."

I asked, puzzled, "Aren't these the kind of lanterns that temples usually hang? How could they be selling sex?"

Xiao Guo drove another twenty meters, and we came to another old building that looked neither like a temple nor a shop. He said, "See? This place also has lanterns; they're 'doing business' here too."

I observed carefully. He drove around the area, and there were red lanterns every half street, and some shops were even located right next to police stations. Beside me, I asked, "They can't all be prostitutes, right? Otherwise, the police would have arrested them long ago, with the station right next door!"

My friend Xiao Guo laughed, "You're too naive. This is a lucrative job!"

Xiao Guo continued, "Do you think all the police are so upright? The officers stationed here are ecstatic. They all receive a lot of bribes. When there's a crackdown on prostitution, they'll notify the shops in advance to avoid the area. Then, for shops that are late in handing over bribes or give too little, they'll arrest one or two mainland girls to report. This boosts their sales and serves as a warning to those who give too little—a win-win situation!"

At that time, I was still a decent, honest person and never imagined such a thing could happen. Then he drove around to the main road. The lights were dim, and every twenty meters there was a person standing outside—old women, strong men, and young men. My friend Xiao Guo slowed down and said, "Those are all out soliciting customers. We can't let the girls stand out and solicit customers themselves; that would be too arrogant." He then rolled down the car window.

Sure enough, a tall, burly man immediately approached our car and said, "Hey bro, we have a new guy here today! Want to give it a try?"

My friend Xiao Guo casually replied, "Sure, I'll take a look around first, I'll be right back."

The burly man wasn't angry, and smiled, saying, "No problem, you can always come back."

A few dozen meters further on, a woman in her forties or fifties came up and said, "Hey! Bro, we have 'washing' services here!"

My friend Xiao Guo's eyes lit up, and he looked at me with a wicked grin: "Today I'll let you try something special, guaranteed to make you forget your ex-girlfriend!"

I've never been to a prostitute. However, I didn't know beforehand that I would be taken to a prostitute. At that time, I was a rather conservative and honest person when it came to sex. I was scared and said, "You go ahead, I'll wait for you in the car."

My friend Xiao Guo suddenly raised his voice and said, "You can't wait in the car! Even if you really don't want to do it, you have to sit inside and wait. Waiting in the car is like offending them!"

The aunt next to me chimed in, "Hey, nobody waits in the car. You have to wait inside while we make tea, and there are girls to chat with you."

I looked at the aunt with a smile in her eyes, as if she was mocking me for being a newbie who didn't know the rules. Although I didn't want to go to a prostitute at all, in my mind at that time, love had to be faithful, and "love" and "sex" were inseparable. How could I have sex with a woman I didn't have feelings for? I wanted to refuse, but I was afraid they would be angry, so I reluctantly agreed.

I followed my aunt and my friend Xiao Guo into the dimly lit street and arrived at an old house. My aunt warmly invited us to sit down, then called out to the room. Five women filed out, a diverse group of women, all appearing to be between twenty and thirty years old.

Xiao Guo's eyes lit up, and he pointed to a tall woman, about 170 centimeters tall. The woman smiled at him and led him into the room. As he walked, Xiao Guo turned back and said, "Xiao Yu, I'm going in first. You can take your time choosing!"

With Xiao Guo gone, I was the only man left in the living room. I didn't know what to do, I was terrified, unsure whether to stand or sit. My aunt encouraged me to choose a woman too: "Your friend will be in there for forty or fifty minutes. It'll be awkward for you to wait here alone. You've come at the right time. Our girls today are especially good, and there's a new one from the mainland, only eighteen years old!"

My aunt pointed to a woman with large breasts. I could tell she looked twenty-five, but she insisted she was eighteen, which annoyed me. But as I looked at their outfits, my heart started racing. These girls were all wearing only a dress with a very low neckline, exposing most of their breasts. You could almost see their nipples. Whether they had large or small breasts was immediately obvious, and there was no doubt about it! The skirt was 25 centimeters above the knee, almost as short as underwear. I glanced at it out of the corner of my eye but still couldn't see any underwear. I secretly wondered, "Are they even wearing underwear?"

The auntie continued her encouragement for a while, and I gradually couldn't hold back anymore. I thought, "Okay, it's just a little money anyway. I'll pick a girl to go into the room, tell her I don't want to do anything, but I'll still give her the money. That way, I won't have to face so many women staring at me, and I can escape that annoying auntie." I chose the busty mainland girl recommended by the auntie. Although she looked to have a standard figure, at most only slightly chubby, her breasts looked frighteningly large, definitely a G-cup, completely disproportionate to her figure. Girls with her figure are at most a C or D cup, but she had super huge G-cups. I guessed she had probably given birth not long ago, hence the super large breasts!

My reasons for choosing her were partly altruistic: "She just gave birth and is still working this kind of money, it must be really tough. I chose her but we won't have sex, so she can rest for an hour and I can earn a little more money." But I also had a wicked thought: "If we really have sex, maybe... maybe I can get some breast milk!"

Lost in my thoughts, I followed the busty woman into the shop. She led me to a small room at the back, dimly lit with only a small yellow pendant light. I was wondering what reason to give to say, "We don't need to have sex, I'll still pay you." Just as I was about to say it, she locked the door and took off her dress with lightning speed!

Although the light was dim, I could vaguely see her body. I was stunned. She wasn't wearing a bra, and her breasts were indeed enormous, so large that they were slightly sagging.

The busty woman said, "Stop looking, take off your clothes, I'll help you take a bath."

At this point, my mind went completely blank, and I unconsciously took off my clothes. When I came to my senses, she had already soaked us both, applied shower gel to me, and then told me to lie on something strange. It wasn't a chair, nor a table; I didn't know how to describe it.

Then, the busty woman pressed her breasts against my face. I was shocked, and then felt a sense of suffocation. I saw her remove her breasts from my face, but then press them against my arm, twisting her whole body, and then pressing her breasts against my chest, lower abdomen, thighs, and penis...

She, she, she... she was actually using her huge breasts to bathe me!

Just as my heart was racing, she then grabbed my arm and rubbed her labia against my hand. Her pubic hair was very thick, but because of the shower gel, it didn't feel itchy at all. I only felt the warm, thick flesh rubbing against my arm.

Then she sat on my upper abdomen. Perhaps because of her large breasts, I felt she was quite heavy and a little uncomfortable. However, my attention was quickly diverted because this time she was using her "whole body" to help me take a bath!

Her huge breasts pressed against my chest, her abdomen against my abdomen, her clitoris and labia against my penis, her thighs clamping one of my legs, and then she vigorously twisted up and down, using every part of her body to bathe me! At this moment, I could no longer remember the belief I had when I first entered the room, "I don't want to have sex with you"... My mind went blank, and I didn't even know how this physical bath ended...

Then the busty girl helped me put on a condom and gave me a blowjob, and we had sex, etc. I won't go into details about these, because the physical bathing shocked me too much, and I didn't feel anything afterward, and I couldn't even ejaculate during sex.
(At that time, I was still a simple boy who firmly believed that "there can be no sex without love," so I didn't feel anything during sex, and therefore didn't feel like I wanted to ejaculate.)

Afterwards, when my friend Xiao Guo drove me away, he told me that this was called "Thai bathing," which was just a kind of fun and did not contribute to "physical pleasure," but I was really quite fascinated by this feeling; the inner impact it brought was enormous. Although my cousin and I had bathed together for many years, we always used our hands to wash and caress each other; we never thought about using our whole bodies to wash each other. However, it's hard to find "Thai baths" now, and the service isn't as professional as it used to be.

Although I was tricked into buying sex by my friend Xiao Guo, this was the first time in my life I'd engaged in sex work with a woman. I couldn't sleep all night, constantly thinking about my ex-girlfriend and the sex I'd just had. My views on love were severely shaken…

From that day on, I fell into depravity. My views on love shattered, and "sex and love can be separated" became my new concept. I "ate fish," "drank tea," had one-night stands, and had casual sex with dozens of women.

[Sixth Diary Entry] Xiaoyu's Sex Diary: Caresses with My Cousin

Hello everyone, I'm Xiaoyu. Today I originally wanted to write about what happened between me and my other sexual partners, but judging from your comments, it seems you all prefer my cousin, so I'll talk about my relationship with her first! However, we've known each other for so many years, and so much has happened. Besides our "caressing games" and "bathing together," we've also developed feelings for each other, argued, almost been caught by adults, fought because my cousin was jealous that my cousin didn't love him, and I even followed my cousin and her boyfriend on their dates... There are just too many things that have happened! If I were to write them all down, it would probably be enough for a novel. ==

Between my cousin and me, there exists a feeling that transcends kinship, but it's not romantic love. We both have an indescribable, ambiguous feeling, and I've thought about it for a long time but still can't find a suitable word to describe our relationship.

I've longed for love since I was little. Before my "caressing relationship" with my cousin even began, I was already pursuing other female classmates. I was only in fifth grade then. I know the reason very well: I lost my mother at a young age, and my father was an alcoholic and gambler who often didn't come home for a week or two. As a primary school student, I had to learn to be independent and live alone from a young age. Lacking both paternal and maternal love, I channeled all those emotions into "romantic love." I longed to meet a girl who would love me and be with me.

During the Spring Festival holiday, my cousin and I'd gone from "bathroom peeping battles" to "intimate relations." But after the holiday, they went back to their own homes, and I was back to living alone. The house felt empty, and loneliness was my only companion. I didn't know when my father would come home. I thought about my cousin every day. So much had happened this holiday…

My cousin and I had peeked at girls showering for the first time. I saw a girl's breasts and genitals for the first time.
A girl touched my penis for the first time.
I ejaculated for the first time.
And… our first intimate play.

After that, my cousin often called my house and occasionally came to visit me on holidays. But somehow, even though I thought about her every day, I was terrified of seeing her. I avoided her. Perhaps the shock of my first ejaculation was too intense, especially since it happened in front of a girl. I felt extremely ashamed.

I'd been avoiding her for a long time, probably three or four months, maybe even longer… One day, I came home from school and saw my cousin sitting at my door. I was startled and turned to run, but my cousin, who was already in middle school, was much taller and more well-educated than me. She rushed over and grabbed the back of my school uniform collar, yelling, “You little brat, you stinky little brat, you think you can run away!”

I didn't dare turn around and struggled desperately, wildly pushing and slapping back. I think I touched my cousin's chest, and she was startled and let go of me. As soon as I broke free, I ran downstairs, but after a few steps, I heard my cousin yelling, “Xiaoyu! If you run away again, I won't be friends with you anymore! I… I… I… you…” Then I heard a “waaaah!” and my cousin burst into tears.

I'm terrified of girls crying, and when I heard my cousin cry, I tiptoed back upstairs, at a loss for what to do, not knowing how to comfort her. When my cousin saw me come back, she cried and yelled, hitting me repeatedly with both hands: "You little brat, you, you run away again, you run away again! I'm not going to be friends with you anymore!" I

quickly apologized: "Sister, don't cry, I won't run away again!"

My cousin stopped hitting me, but after thinking for a moment, she reached out again, grabbed my left hand, opened her mouth, and bit down hard, making me cry loudly!

She really bit me so hard that tears streamed down my face, it hurt so much!

She made me remember one thing forever—"Never mess with a woman!"

No matter how old or young a girl is, never push her too far, because if you do, she really will bite... Many couples often joke with each other, "Bite me! Come on, bite me!" But I'm different. I never dare to say that to a woman, because that hard bite from my cousin really scared me to the core!

I can't quite remember what happened after that, since I was just a primary school student then, and it was over ten years ago, so my memory is very vague... I only remember that my sister and I were both crying, and we both cried as we walked in the door. I still don't quite understand why she was crying... but I cried because she bit me so hard.

I don't remember what happened after that, I only remember that when we went to sleep that night, my sister was holding my waist, but I was extremely excited and nervous, and I couldn't sleep at all. All I could think about was the image of our first time making love, sometimes her tight labia with their new hair, sometimes her naked body while taking a bath.

The room was pitch black, and I couldn't see if my cousin was asleep. I tentatively asked in a very soft voice, "Sister, are you asleep?"

My cousin didn't respond. I waited for a while, inhaling the faint fragrance emanating from her. I couldn't tell if it was her natural feminine scent or the smell of soap. I only knew that I increasingly wanted to touch her body and smell her fragrance. My lust grew, and I slowly reached out to touch her body. I felt that I touched her waist. I paused for a few seconds to make sure she was really fast asleep before I boldly moved my hand upwards. Although seeing my cousin's genitals last time had given me a huge shock, as a primary school student, I was still more interested in girls' breasts. I gradually moved upwards until I touched my cousin's breasts.

Although my cousin was only in the first year of junior high school, she was well-developed and already wore a bra, but I had no idea how to unhook it, so I had to reach inside the bra. My cousin's breasts were soft and elastic. I gradually touched the nipple in the center, expecting it to be soft and elastic too, but it felt a little hard, and it seemed to get harder the more I touched it.

Touching a girl's breasts for the first time excited me greatly. I touched them for a long time, and the pressure unconsciously increased. Suddenly,

I heard a soft shout: "Be gentle! It hurts!" Just as I was enjoying myself, I suddenly heard my cousin's voice, and I almost died of fright! I quickly pulled my hand away, but I pulled too hard, and my cousin's bra came loose and askew. I was afraid she would scold me, but instead, she gently took my hand and led it to her underwear.

(Long afterward, when we were chatting, she told me that she hadn't slept at all during that time; she had been waiting for me to touch her body first… It turns out that girls are so cunning even when they're young!) -__-;;

My fingers felt a sticky, wet sensation. I knew it was liquid flowing from between my cousin's tight, tender lips. I vaguely knew it wasn't urine, but being so young, I didn't know it was a woman's secretion when aroused. I only knew that this viscous liquid had a strange, unpleasant smell that actually aroused me even more.

My cousin pulled my hand and rubbed it up and down her panties. I didn't dare struggle, only feeling her breathing grow heavier. My cousin took one of my hands and used it to masturbate. I didn't dare pull my hand away, but my mind was still on my cousin's breasts.

I couldn't help it; I was too young then to appreciate the beauty of a woman's labia and vagina, let alone the beauty of her neck, waist, legs, and so on. At that time, I only thought that the breasts were a woman's most beautiful and attractive feature.

I mustered my courage and reached out my other hand to touch my cousin's nipple again, but she pushed my hand away, saying, "Don't touch me there, it hurts!"

(We only learned a year or two later that her breasts were still developing, so her nipples were particularly sensitive. A light touch felt very comfortable and enjoyable to her, but if I touched her nipples for too long or used even a little force, the pleasure would turn into pain.)

Not being able to touch her breasts was a bit disappointing, but besides her breasts, I didn't know where else to touch. Then, on instinct, I touched my own penis. Having experienced my cousin masturbating me before, I knew that stroking my penis up and down would feel good, but I didn't dare to pull down my foreskin like she did, as that would be a little painful. So my stroking was smaller, and I probably didn't expose the glans.

In the darkness, we couldn't see each other. I could only feel my cousin's breathing getting louder and heavier, and I couldn't help but imitate her breathing. Strangely, when my cousin heard me panting, she actually panted even louder! However, my masturbation didn't last long. After only a short while, I felt that "extremely strong urge to urinate" that I had felt when I ejaculated last time surge back. I shouted, "Sister, I... I can't hold it in!"

My cousin was startled, but unlike last time, she didn't stop masturbating, grab my penis, or order me not to "pee." This time, she grabbed my hand even harder and rubbed her genitals. Afraid of ejaculating on the blankets and bed, I wanted to jump out of bed and rush to the toilet, but my cousin was enjoying herself and held my hand tightly. I tried to hold back from urinating, but it was no use. I only held it for three or four seconds before ejaculating. When I ejaculated, I involuntarily shouted and my whole body convulsed for more than ten seconds...

I don't remember what happened after that. I only remember panting for a while and then vaguely falling asleep.

I vaguely remember that before I fell asleep, my cousin was still holding my hand and helping her masturbate. I was so tired that I tried to pull my hand away, but she held on tightly, touching her genitals, refusing to let go. I had no choice but to let her do as she pleased, and I went to sleep on my own.

I don't know how long she touched me that day...

I only remember that when I woke up in the morning, I rubbed my eyes as I walked to the bathroom, but I smelled a very strong, fishy odor on my hands, which woke me up completely! I smelled my other hand and detected a faint odor. There was also some dry, white stuff on it. After a moment's thought, I realized one hand contained my cousin's vaginal fluid, while the other contained my own semen, which I had to wash off with soap for ages…

Later, we found dried semen on the bed, and a small stain on the surface where she was lying. We two kids spent a lot of effort washing the sheets and blankets. After finally finishing, we rushed off to school… That morning almost killed us.

After our first time making love, because it was my first time ejaculating, and it happened on her hand and clothes, I felt ashamed to ejaculate in front of a girl, so I avoided her for several months. Last night, we finally made love again, but this time I opened up and stopped avoiding my cousin. She started coming to my house every day, and eventually, she just moved in and wouldn't leave.

(Actually, half of it was because I was afraid my cousin would bite my hand again = =;; so I dared not avoid her anymore.)

However, my cousin stayed at my house too frequently, and she never brought her younger brother with her, which caused misunderstandings with my aunt and uncle. They mistakenly thought that my cousin was heartbroken because my mother had passed away early and my father often went gambling and didn't come home, so she specially came to stay at my house to take care of my younger brother. They even praised their daughter for being loving and knowing how to take care of her younger cousin!

Little did they know that the truth was that the two of us kids were actually on a "journey of exploring the mysteries of the human body"...

And my cousin, because his sister and I became very close, was jealous and threw tantrums for a while! But we didn't dare tell him about the "caressing games" between my cousin and me. We were afraid he would tell the adults about it, so we deliberately distanced ourselves from him.

After that, I developed strange feelings for my cousin. I fell in love with my cousin, so I stopped peeping at her while she was taking a bath with my younger cousin. I didn't want other boys to see my cousin's naked body. Fortunately, my cousin was too young; he genuinely only saw peeping as a game. Once the game was over, he focused on video games and gradually forgot about our past peeping at my cousin.

My cousin and I's caressing games lasted for about six or seven years… I'll talk about what happened between us another time! This time it took me so long to write, it's so tiring!

While I was reminiscing and writing in my diary, my penis remained erect. Today I wrote this diary entry for four or five hours, and my penis remained erect for four or five hours as well. To be honest, this is the first time I've maintained an erection for so long. This… this is really painful!

[Seventh Diary Entry]: My Cousin and My Kissing Game

Hello everyone on the Ellie Forum and Facebook, today I'll continue talking about what happened between my cousin and me when we were little.

Starting in sixth grade, after my cousin and I began our "caressing game," so many things happened between us over the next six or seven years.

We were very close, but we were, after all, cousins. The shackles of "family" separated us, even though we weren't related by blood...

My cousin and I were adopted by my aunt and uncle. Because we grew up together, no matter how close we were, we could never break free of these shackles. Every time we enjoyed heavenly physical pleasure, we also suffered hellish guilt.

Therefore, we did everything, but we just never had sexual intercourse. Until the very end, I never penetrated her vagina. Because of the guilt, we both tried our best to restrain ourselves, each restraining the other from penetrating.

Looking back now, the only word to describe our willpower to endure was "miracle"...

After my second caressing game with my older cousin in sixth grade, she often stayed at my house alone. At first, my younger cousin also wanted to stay. The three of us siblings had always played and fought together since childhood, and my younger cousin suddenly felt neglected by us. He was very jealous, especially since he only learned in junior high that he was an adopted son of his parents. He felt even more strongly that he wasn't related to us and that we weren't blood-related, so his rebellious phase lasted for a long time.

My older cousin and I were the opposite. We became closer and closer. As we touched each other, feelings developed, and it was no longer just the sibling affection between "relatives".

We went on dates, ate together, slept together, and kissed, but the feelings between us were not "love". In junior high and high school, although we continued our caressing games almost every day, she had a crush on someone and had boyfriends. Although I never had a girlfriend, I did pursue girls.

While feelings are blossoming between us, we also allow each other to fall in love with others, and occasionally we get jealous and argue because of it. This kind of emotion is very complicated and I can't describe it in words.

At first, we just caressed each other's genitals. After a month or two, we gradually started exploring other parts of our bodies.

When I was in sixth grade, the most popular TV show was the Japanese drama "Itazura na Kiss," where a single kiss could drastically change the heroine's life. My cousin and I were also curious about kissing and tried our first kiss. However, after several kisses, neither of us felt anything; it was just "four lips touching," without any sensual stimulation, let alone any emotional development. It was completely different from what was depicted in the drama. Nevertheless, we continued to

kiss many times. Then, during one of our caresses, I suddenly had a brilliant idea and started kissing her breasts. My cousin had developed earlier, and her breasts were already around a B cup. I was shorter than her, and my hands were smaller, so my hands were just the right size to hold her breasts.

I first sucked on her tender pink nipples, and my cousin suddenly let out a soft moan, "Ah... um..."

We'd been caressing each other for months, and although we were always breathing heavily, we never made a sound (afraid my dad would suddenly come home and hear). This time, she suddenly cried out, which excited me greatly. I kept sucking on her nipples, getting harder and harder with each suck.

Normally, my cousin hates it when I touch her nipples. I can touch her labia or other parts, but she won't let me touch her nipples for too long (she says it hurts if I touch them for too long). This time, however, she seemed to enjoy my kissing of her nipples. That's when I realized that using the tongue can bring a woman more pleasure than using the hands.

On a whim, I started licking upwards with my tongue, licking her breasts, collarbone, shoulders, and neck. When I licked her neck, my cousin reacted particularly strongly. She kept writhing her whole body, as if she was ticklish but also very comfortable. I kept sucking and licking, finally reaching her cheeks.

During foreplay, most people wouldn't lick the cheeks, no matter how much they lick. But this was my first time licking a girl's body, and I knew nothing about it. I just wanted to make my cousin feel better and hear her moans. So I licked her chin, her cheeks, her nose, her forehead, and even her eyelids, leaving her face covered in my saliva.

When we finally kissed, I put my tongue in. I felt a warm, wet sensation on my tongue, a tingling, itchy feeling that was also incredibly pleasurable. That's when I realized that the "kissing" shown on TV was fake—it wasn't pleasurable, and it didn't really spark feelings. Only a "French kiss" truly allows for a physical and emotional connection.

My cousin and I hugged tightly, our tongues intertwining in perfect harmony. Her breath tickled my eyes and nose as we French kissed for a very long time, several times longer than our usual caresses. We were both panting heavily. It was our first time French kissing, so our technique wasn't great. Sometimes our teeth would clash, and sometimes we'd accidentally bite each other lightly. But the hardest thing to control was our saliva. It flowed constantly in our mouths as we kissed, and by the end, our chins were covered in it, and the bed was soaked too. I couldn't tell if it was mine or hers.

I grinned and said, "Sister, you have so much saliva!"

My cousin lightly tapped my head and said, "Nonsense! It's clearly your saliva. Look, my face is all sticky!"

We were still young, so we argued back and forth about "your saliva" and "my saliva." But after a short while, my cousin asked me to kiss her a few more times. It seemed she especially enjoyed licking her body with me.

The next day, when my cousin tried to French kiss me, I refused. My throat was sore and achy that day, probably from using my tongue for too long. Not only did we French kiss for a long time, but I also licked her upper body for a long time, causing my tongue and throat to ache for two whole days.

My cousin only French kissed me, she didn't lick my body, and she didn't seem to feel any pain. I begged her to lick my body too, but she said boys sweat a lot and their bodies are dirty, and she absolutely refused. I protested for days, probably shouting "unfair!" a hundred times.

Finally, I got really angry. I stopped touching her genitals and stopped French kissing her. No matter how much she begged, scolded, ordered, or tempted me, I ignored her. We argued for days, and our caressing game stopped for days. My cousin couldn't take it anymore and finally half-surrendered, proposing a deal—I would lick her genitals before she would lick my body.

My cousin was curious if it felt good to be licked down there, so she suggested this exchange, which I readily agreed to. Later, as I caressed and licked her body, I licked my way down, finally reaching her inner thighs. I smelled the love juice flowing from her tight vagina, but the fishy smell emanating from it made it impossible for me to continue licking.

Actually, the smell wasn't strong; it was a faint, unpleasant odor. Although I found it a bit disgusting, somehow I also particularly liked it. The scent of her vaginal hormones both repulsed and fascinated me.

It was like the smell of durian—it's clearly a foul odor, but somehow it has a strangely fragrant quality, making you both hate and love it.

My face was buried between my cousin's thighs, and I hesitated for a long time. My nose was filled with her sweat, body odor, and the smell of her vagina. I watched the love juice continuously flowing from her tight vagina, but even in the end, I still couldn't bring myself to lick it.

The game suddenly stopped, leaving my cousin hanging in suspense. She kept begging me to continue licking her, but I still didn't dare. I retorted, "You have to kiss my little penis too!"

My cousin stubbornly replied, "Okay!"

She got up and held my small but firm penis, stroking it while sticking out her tongue to lick it. But as soon as her face got close, she immediately pulled back. I guessed she must have smelled something, and she hesitated for a long time before licking it.

I said angrily, "See! You still don't dare to kiss me!"

My cousin had nothing to say. That day, our caresses only went halfway before stopping. This was the first time my cousin didn't help me ejaculate, and I didn't help her reach orgasm.

Later, our caresses games included "French kissing" and "body licking," but my cousin still refused to lick me, especially after I graduated from elementary school and entered junior high. My genitals started growing hair, and my penis gradually grew larger.

My cousin used to think my penis was "cute" and "fun," but now she says it's "ugly and scary," which makes me very indignant. Unlike her, when I first saw her genitals, she already had pubic hair. Back then, I thought female genitalia were ugly, and that our male penises looked better when they were bare.

(I was too young then to appreciate the beauty of female genitalia; now I do, haha.)

We caressed each other hundreds of times. My cousin always wanted to try having her vagina licked, but I always refused. Later, I don't know if it was when I was in the first or second year of junior high, my cousin suddenly suggested we shower together. She wanted to lick each other after showering, thinking it would be cleaner that way.

I asked, "I can get just as clean by myself, so why don't you dare kiss me?"

My cousin said, "No way! You guys smell bad and sweat a lot. You only last five minutes in the shower, how can you get clean?"

To be honest, I really thought my cousin was prejudiced. Her body gets hotter and sweats more than mine. Every time I licked her, I would taste a slightly sour and salty flavor on my tongue—that was her sweat.

But I couldn't argue with her. She felt that she could get me cleaner by helping me shower, and that's when she could feel more comfortable licking my body. So we decided to shower together.

Although we had been caressing each other for a year or two, her tight labia had begun to open slightly, and her pubic hair had become thicker, while my bald little penis had become an ugly phallus, covered with abundant pubic hair. But we had never seen each other completely naked. We almost always caressed and kissed at night in bed.

I had only spied on my cousin while she was showering when I was in elementary school, and I hadn't seen her naked for a year or two since. This time, we were about to meet naked, and we were both very nervous. We stared at each other in the small bathroom, neither of us daring to take off our clothes first. My

cousin said, "Xiaoyu, why aren't you taking off your clothes yet?"

I said, "You take them off first, then I'll take them off!"

My cousin looked at my genitals and said, "I've already seen your little penis, what's there to be shy about?"

I retorted, "Aren't you the same? I've already seen your genitals too, and I almost kissed you, but you're still too shy to take them off?"

My cousin was a little embarrassed and angry, and ordered me to take off all my clothes, or she wouldn't lick my body. Although I was shy, I really wanted to be licked, so I boldly took off all my clothes.

My cousin watched as my penis broke through the thicket of hair, pointing straight to the sky. She wrapped her arms around my waist, stroking my penis back and forth with her hand while whispering in my ear, "You're so excited, why are you pretending to be shy? You're such a little devil!"

My penis was stimulated, and my lust intensified. I urged my cousin to take off her clothes, but she hesitated for a long time before starting. Watching her undress and unhook her bra, I finally understood that a woman's bra is unhooked from behind. When we made love in bed, my cousin never wore a bra, so I only learned how to help a woman take off her bra now.

My cousin was voluptuous, a little overweight. At that time, she probably weighed around 40 kilograms (I forgot her height). I stared at her large breasts, but my cousin covered them with her hands, refusing to let them down.

My cousin has always disliked me staring at her chest. Her reason is that the boys in her class often secretly stare at her chest, especially during PE class when they run. Those stinky boys would point at her chest and laugh. So, she often pretends to be sick during PE class, saying she's on her period or has an upset stomach, to avoid it.

Actually, she's very healthy; she doesn't experience stomach pain at all. In fact, her libido is particularly high during her period, and she'll ask me to caress her three or four times a day. But I'm the opposite. I hate touching her during her period because it gets my hands covered in blood, and the smell is very strong. Especially the bloodstains on the bed are incredibly hard to wash! Every time she has her period, we have to spend all our allowance to buy a bunch of towels to put on the bed.

My cousin said, "Turn around, I'll wash your back." I obediently turned around and felt a pair of hands rubbing soap on the back of my neck and back. After a while, my cousin hugged me, her breasts pressing against my back, and her hands reached forward to rub soap on my chest and abdomen.

No wonder my cousin said guys are so casual about showering. I can shower in five minutes by myself, but she probably spent half an hour washing me. There really is a difference between how girls and guys shower!

My cousin was extremely meticulous, carefully washing me from my neck to my thighs, especially my penis. Maybe she was worried it would smell bad when I licked it later, so she scrubbed it for a particularly long time, almost making me ejaculate...

While she was washing me, I wasn't idle either; I touched her body to my heart's content. However, when I washed her armpits, she clenched them tightly. My cousin felt it was embarrassing for a guy to see her armpit hair, and no matter how much I begged her, she wouldn't raise her arms to show me her armpits.

(I still don't understand, what's so shameful about this? I've seen and touched every inch of her skin, but she still won't let me see her armpits = =;; Women's thoughts are sometimes really hard to understand.)

We must have showered for about an hour. After we finished showering and got dressed, I secretly opened the bathroom door to make sure Dad hadn't come home yet, as usual, before I felt relieved and led my cousin to bed.

Back in the room, we started kissing and caressing. As usual, I licked every inch of my cousin's skin. Maybe because she had just showered, her body was hot, and I felt my face burning. This time, when I licked her body, I could smell a very fragrant scent, unlike before when it smelled a little sour and salty. However, my cousin's body sweats quite easily, and when I licked her inner thighs, I could still smell sweat.

Fortunately, this time she had a strong soapy scent, and the sweat and vaginal smells were very faint. This time, I didn't feel disgusted at all; on the contrary, I found it very fragrant. As I licked her inner thighs and groin, my cousin's moans grew louder, as if encouraging me to lick longer.

But when I licked her labia, she took a deep breath and fell silent. I looked up at her; her eyes were tightly closed, her brows slightly furrowed, and her mouth slightly open. After a while, she opened her eyes and said, "Why did you stop? Keep going!"

I asked curiously, "Does it feel good to kiss here?"

My cousin blushed and said, "I'll kiss you next time, then you'll know."

Hearing that my cousin was finally willing to lick my body, and might even lick my penis, I happily continued to lick her labia. With each lick, my cousin's moans grew louder. I suddenly noticed that her labia were slightly looser than before, revealing a glimpse of her vulva, but it was still very tight. Curious, I stuck my finger in, but could only insert half a knuckle before being unable to go any further. I pulled my hand back and saw that the first knuckle of my index finger was covered in my cousin's vaginal fluid, which was very thick and even had a stringy consistency, connecting to her vulva.

At that time, my cousin's sexual organs weren't fully developed, and her clitoris wasn't very prominent, so I was only focused on licking her labia and playing with her vulva with my fingers. I became very interested and kept gently probing her vulva, wanting to see how much vaginal fluid flowed out. The more I probing, the more vaginal fluid flowed, as if it would never run out.

My cousin's moans grew louder and louder. I was a little worried; if my father suddenly came home, he would definitely hear her moans! However, I was very aroused at that time, and although I was a little scared, I continued to play with her vulva. Suddenly, my cousin screamed loudly, grabbed my hair with both hands, and clamped my head tightly between her thighs, making it hard for me to breathe.

My cousin's body convulsed and vibrated, the sensation reaching my head. I felt her thighs trembling violently, and it took several seconds before she released my head. I looked up, breathing heavily, and felt my face below the nose was completely wet. She had pressed my head down so hard that my face was covered in her fluids.

Although we'd made love hundreds of times, I rarely saw my cousin climax. Her stamina was always better than mine; I always ejaculated first, while she took a long time to climax. Sometimes, after I ejaculated, I was tired and wanted to sleep, but she was still holding my hand and caressing me. So, I didn't always see her climax.

I could only reliably see her climax when she was menstruating, because her libido was particularly strong during that time, and she would request more caresses. I, on the other hand, only ejaculated once or twice before losing my libido. Although I would still get an erection when my cousin caressed my penis, it felt numb.

My cousin climaxed, but my penis was still painfully swollen! I lay on the bed, gently nudging my cousin's body, and said, "Sister, it's your turn to kiss me."

My cousin's voice was hoarse and weak as she said, "Xiaoyu, I have no strength left..."

I urged her on, and she tried to sit up, but she was too weak and collapsed against my chest halfway up.

She said coquettishly, "I can't muster any strength... Xiaoyu, let me rest for a while, okay?" She kissed me and nestled beside me.

My penis was still erect. I wanted to insist she get up and lick me, but I also felt sorry for her being so tired. It was the first time I'd seen her so weak and powerless. That's when I realized how deep my feelings for her were, so I didn't force her, but instead suppressed my desire.

I gently stroked her back and talked to her until she fell asleep. After she fell asleep, I looked at her face and masturbated, ejaculating on her thigh. This was the first time I'd ever masturbated to ejaculation. Afterwards, I felt a strange emptiness...

I realized I had fallen for her.

I already knew then that my feelings for her weren't "love".

However, I also know that my feelings for her are more than just "like." This inexplicable emotion, even now, I still don't know how to describe it.

[Eighth Diary Entry]: More decadent sex, more intense feelings...

Uh, I welcome all netizens who message me wanting to discuss sex knowledge, sex techniques, or simply want to talk about love. But if you ask me how to find casual sex partners, I can't help you with that. Sometimes, besides personal charm, it also depends on fate. Although I've had many casual sex partners, there have been failures, and there have been times when I went almost a year without a sexual partner. These things are hard to predict; it depends on fate. For example, I lack personal charm, so I've never had a romantic relationship and haven't been able to find a girlfriend, but I have a lot of romantic luck and have had many sexual partners.

Enough of this small talk; let's get back to my story with my cousin. Initially, it was just the two of us kids enjoying physical pleasure. But ever since I realized I liked my older cousin, my expressions and actions towards her became much gentler. My cousin, however, didn't notice; she was simply engrossed in the caressing games. But my aunt and uncle were different. After all, they were adults and immediately noticed my feelings for her.

Since I was in sixth grade, my cousin had often stayed at my house alone. My aunt and uncle felt sorry for my mother's early death and my father's frequent gambling and drinking, often not coming home for days at a time, so they encouraged her to take care of me. However, as time went on, they noticed that my cousin stayed at my house far more often than she came home. My aunt felt this couldn't continue, and they discussed taking me in with them, seemingly wanting to adopt me.

I wasn't keen on moving in. With adults and my younger cousin at home, our opportunities for caressing would decrease, and it would be even harder to find a chance to bathe with my cousin. But no matter how unwilling I was, I couldn't find a reason to refuse, so I obediently moved in. After living with me for only a few days, my aunt and uncle discovered that I had fallen for my cousin (I was being too obvious). Although they thought I was developing feelings for her too early, they didn't stop me from pursuing my feelings since we weren't related by blood. They just repeatedly hinted that I should "date in college" and that "it's too early for middle school students to date," subtly advising me to focus on my studies.

Moving into my cousin's house was incredibly painful—she was completely oblivious to my feelings, our intimacy was reduced, we couldn't shower together anymore, and she repeatedly refused my attempts to penetrate her (though she sometimes couldn't resist, and sometimes I was the one who refused). I channeled all this pain into physical intimacy, engaging in more and more depraved sexual practices.

Some of these methods were unacceptable to most people, and I tried suggesting them to other partners, but they would often stare wide-eyed and reject me in disbelief… Only my cousin and I were completely absorbed in these methods, unable to extricate ourselves.

Let's take an example. Let's evolve "French kissing" into "mud kissing."

One day, unusually, no one was home except my cousin and me for dinner. Halfway through my meal, I suddenly had a wicked thought. I mashed the food in my mouth, turning it into a paste, and then pretended there was nothing in my mouth to kiss my cousin. When she saw me suddenly hug her, she instinctively offered her mouth. As we were French kissing, she suddenly realized there was something in my mouth and struggled a little, but I held her hand firmly and straddled her. She couldn't move at all and had no choice but to accept the food that I forced into her mouth with my tongue. I

pulled my tongue back and commanded her, "Eat it! Don't spit it out!"

From the past to the present, in our caresses, baths, and body kisses (later she even dared to kiss my whole body), it's always been my cousin giving orders and me obediently following them. This time, when I suddenly commanded her, she was a little angry, but more surprised. She originally wanted to spit it out, but seeing my half-pleading, half-commanding expression, she hesitated for a moment and actually swallowed it!

After my cousin swallowed, she opened her mouth and stuck out her tongue, which curled slightly, leaving a little food residue on it, as if to show that she had really eaten it. Then she commanded me, "See, I ate it, now it's your turn!"

I was shocked and fell to the ground. I never expected my cousin to be so daring, not only swallowing the food I had bitten but also trying to feed me! I sat there dumbfounded, watching my cousin excitedly select dishes from the table and put them into her mouth. She took a couple of bites, then used her chopsticks to put a small mouthful of rice into her mouth, chewing while looking at me with a wicked smile.

I was stunned for a moment, forgetting to run away, and watched as my cousin pushed me down, pinned me to the ground, and turned her head towards me. My mind was focused on keeping my mouth tightly shut, not opening it, but we had kissed so many times that I instinctively opened my mouth and stuck out my tongue... She put the food from her mouth into mine, and I instantly felt like vomiting! I now realize that no matter how delicious the food, once someone else bites it into a pulp, the feeling of holding it in your mouth is absolutely disgusting!

After my cousin put that lump of mud into my mouth, she didn't let me off the hook, constantly stirring my tongue and the mud together. I felt both disgusted and comfortable. She had filled my mouth with a mixture of their saliva and the mud, and even my upper and lower teeth, inside and out, were covered in food residue.

My cousin's smile was as bright as an angel's, but her words were as terrifying as a devil's whisper: "My darling Xiaoyu, I just swallowed it because you told me to! If you spit it out..." My cousin thought for a moment, looked at the food on the table, and said, "I'll feed you all the leftovers on that table like this!"

I was completely dumbfounded. I forced myself to swallow it, but as soon as it went in, I felt nauseous again and almost vomited. My throat was filled with the sour smell of stomach acid.

Seeing that I obediently followed her orders, my cousin smiled smugly and said, "Hmph! Let's see if you dare to order me around again!"

I reflexively retorted, "Sure, what's there to be afraid of!"

My cousin gave me a sarcastic look and raised her voice, "Oh? Then I'll feed you again!"

I was actually quite scared and wanted to give in, but after all, I was still a middle school kid, too impulsive, and I actually retorted again, "Fine, I'll feed you then, who's afraid of who!"

Then, we ate for almost two hours, like we were arguing and bickering, each of us holding a mouthful of food, and trying to pick the food the other hated the most, chewing it into a pulp in our mouths, and then simultaneously feeding it to each other while French kissing. At first, we both felt disgusted, our brows were tightly furrowed, and our faces were full of bitterness, but somehow, despite how disgusting it was, after feeding each other a dozen or so times, we gradually became addicted.

You might find it hard to imagine, but you'll know once you try it. When you watch your partner mash up delicious food, and then you put it in your mouth, you'll first feel three sensations: "wet, soft, and salty." That's their saliva mixed with the food residue. Then, during a French kiss, it swirls around in both of your mouths. Besides the pleasurable sensation of their tongue rubbing against yours, you'll also feel the muddy foreign matter flowing around in your mouth. Some gets stuck between your teeth, some sticks to the back of your tongue, and some is stuck at the junction of your front teeth and lips. You'll experience a very disgusting, very strange, and very exciting feeling.

When you see the mouth, tongue, teeth, lips, and corners of your mouth of the person you like covered in the food scraps you gave them, even with saliva and muddy residue dribbling from the corners of their mouth, you'll feel a sense of conquest. This sense of conquest is even stronger when you see them enjoying the French kiss yet also feeling disgusted and frowning, a mixture of wanting to vomit and enjoying it—that coy, hesitant expression!

My cousin and I discovered the new game "muddy tongue kissing." Although it was a bit grotesque, it excited us immensely. We tried desserts, ice cream, cookies, drinks, food, fruit… we tried everything edible! We even tried mixing sweet and salty foods – one person had food in their mouth while the other had ice cream. Finally, we even tried inedible things – toothpaste, semen, and vaginal fluid.

We'd put toothpaste on each other's teeth and then "brush" them with our tongues! But afterwards… our tongues felt cool and spicy, a bit uncomfortable. I wouldn't recommend trying this = =

As for semen, although she had eaten it before, and I had eaten her vaginal fluid, we had never eaten our own. At first, it was quite difficult to overcome the psychological barrier; it was really hard to accept. But in the end, we still mustered up the courage to try it. She had my semen in her mouth, and I had her vaginal fluid in my mouth. We stirred it together with our tongues for a long time before swallowing it together.

(The psychological impact of eating your own semen is very strong; please use with caution.)

Although our games decreased after I moved into their house, they became more and more decadent. My feelings for my cousin deepened. My cousin wasn't oblivious. Although she didn't realize it at first, she only found out I liked her when I threw a tantrum after she got her first boyfriend in high school.

My cousin wasn't completely indifferent to me either; she also had a strange feeling for me. So, even while she was dating, she continued our caressing games. When I was pursuing other girls, she would act as my strategist and give me advice. This strange relationship led us to develop a unique personality—"not easily jealous."

When couples are dating, if a guy stares at a girl wearing a short skirt or whose clothes are showing too much skin, the girl will usually get angry. But my cousin would just watch with her husband, even discussing the girl's thighs, breasts, and face with him. And when other girls were on the phone with her husband, she rarely questioned them like a typical girl would.

I treated my ex-girlfriends the same way my cousin did. However, my cousin was much luckier than me. Most men would actually want a girlfriend like my cousin, but women certainly wouldn't want a boyfriend like me… So my previous girlfriends all got really angry about this, thinking I didn't love them enough. Otherwise, why would I be able to talk to them so casually about how handsome or well-built other men are… Sigh!

I seem to have gone off-topic, straying a bit from the topic of sex…

Okay, I'm tired of writing today. I'll write about my cousin and me's more decadent lovemaking games another day.

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