My Brief History of Sex

page views:1 Publication date:2023-03-23

When I wrote this article, I didn't know my purpose; I just felt a bit impulsive. Also, I haven't been in a good mood lately, which might be related to that. However, I want to emphasize that the characteristic of my article is its authenticity. Of course, all names are pseudonyms; this is a matter of respect, since I haven't obtained the other party's consent—and of course, they would never agree.

Actually, I am well-educated, graduated from a top university, and have my own life goals.

However, from a young age, I felt a strong attraction to girls. Now I realize that I am the kind of man with very strong desires. So, I'll simply reveal my sexual history—otherwise, I've almost forgotten some of it.

I say "sexual history" rather than "sex history" because I feel that pleasure only comes when sex and love are linked; otherwise, I feel anxious and have no desire. In the first year of junior high school, or rather, the fifth grade of elementary school, I had already mastered masturbation; it was an innate instinct. Later, I told my good friend Q about it, and he started doing it with great enthusiasm.

At that time, no one saw anything pornographic, and people's clothes were even less colorful than in ancient times. Once, I saw a painting of Ingres's "The Source" in my home calendar and was immediately stunned. I secretly tore it out, hid it in my schoolbag, and showed it to my friends, who were also very excited.

Another time, the two of us sneaked to watch a movie, a foreign acrobatic film. The foreign actresses were all wearing bikinis, so we were very excited. Since there were few people around, we decided to masturbate. However, Q wanted us to do it together, but I refused because I felt awkward having my penis in a man's hand. Don't misunderstand, we are both typical heterosexuals, and Q's desire was stronger than mine.

At that time, I felt that his penis was very large and could ejaculate, which made me feel... There was also a comic book, I think it was called "Wu Zetian," which had a page with a man kneeling in front of Empress Wu Zetian, with a very large buttocks. This excited me a lot, so I often took this book to the storeroom (a room for storing miscellaneous items) and imitated that man kneeling on the ground and masturbating. Now I know it was caused by the worship of the opposite sex.

Later, my family moved to the city. I never stopped masturbating, but it brought me a lot of psychological burden. I always felt decadent and that my body was being harmed. I wrote in my diary that I wanted to "kill S," which meant masturbation. But each time, I couldn't persist for long.

In high school, I became very fascinated by the opposite sex and sexual organs, mainly because there were no books available to learn about them at that time.

In my second year of high school, some sex education books appeared. I secretly bought one, and I was surprised to find that women had pubic hair. I had always thought that women's genitals were pink and smooth, and the presence of hair made it seem a bit vulgar and dirty. However, I still really wanted to know what real genitals looked like. I often went to the women's restroom, of course, when no one was around or at night, and quickly masturbated there. It was very exciting. But every time I finished, I deeply regretted it, feeling that I was vulgar and shameless, so I developed some reclusive tendencies.

Once, during a holiday, I went to the women's restroom of a workplace and was discovered by a security guard. He pretended to take me to the police station, and I cried in fear. In the end, I knelt down and handed over all my money, and he let me go. That was a huge shock to me, and for a long time I lived in constant fear of being found out by the school and my parents.

In my senior year of high school, I fell in love. It was with Y, a pretty girl in my class who wasn't a good student but was quiet and cute. I was madly infatuated with her, to the point that I often skipped classes. Luckily, I had a good foundation and was quite intelligent, so I still managed to get into J University—a top-tier national university.

At that time, what I wanted to know most was what her genitals looked like, but we were both very shy. Our first kiss was clumsy; it was just a light touch. Later, Y promised to let me see her genitals after the college entrance exam, so I eagerly awaited the exam, my anticipation making my parents very happy.

After the exam, one day we were finally alone at her house. I took off her underwear, and she closed her eyes. I looked closely and was surprised to discover that a woman's genitals are located between her legs and are not visible from the outside—I had always thought they were on the surface. However, we never had sex because her sister and future brother-in-law went to the hospital after having premarital sex, and their parents found out. Her parents were prominent figures in the city, so they were furious and disciplined her severely, so we didn't continue.

In my freshman year, Y and I broke up for some reason. University wasn't as good as I'd imagined... mainly because I didn't like studying and my grades were poor, so I felt somewhat inferior. Around this time, I met L, a very intelligent, traditional girl from a shared dorm. She was fair-skinned, quite pretty, and a bit short, around 160cm, and somewhat frail. To be honest, of all my girlfriends, L was the one I invested the least emotionally and hurt the most. Thinking about it now, I feel incredibly sorry for her, so very sorry!

We had sex after about two months. It was my first time, and it felt strange when I penetrated her, but she didn't bleed. I asked her about it, but she wouldn't say—I'm quite open-minded about virginity. Her breasts were small and not fully developed.

At that time, I was in a bad mood and often had sex in the dorm while my roommates were studying, with the curtains drawn. Lacking experience and knowledge of contraception, this had a significant psychological impact on her. Fortunately, she was a very kind person, and all her classmates liked her, so she still had dignity and confidence to continue.

Because I was interested in all forms of sexual intercourse, and she generally didn't object, we tried oral sex. Her genitals were very clean, washed daily, and had a pleasant scent. Usually, she would lie on her back with her legs spread as wide as possible, and I would kneel in front of her, licking her clitoris with my tongue.

Her orgasms came slowly, usually taking more than 10 minutes. When she did orgasm, her lower abdomen would contract—caused by abdominal muscles—and her whole body would tremble. Then she would lie there weakly, too exhausted to even speak. Later, we discovered a new, more stimulating method. I would lie on my back, and her legs would kneel on either side of my head. We would face opposite directions, with her front body resting on my lower abdomen. This way, her vulva would be fully exposed to me, allowing for a wider range of motion when I licked her. At this time, her vulva would often press against my mouth and nose because she was aroused and unable to control herself, which gave us both intense stimulation.

At that time, I always thought it was the result of my long-term masturbation that prevented me from bringing her to orgasm with my penis, so I had a lot of psychological trauma. Fortunately, she was kind and never blamed me.

In my second year of university, I started to gain popularity because I had some unusual talents—in music and sports—and I also became more open-minded about my studies, so I attracted attention. We formed a band, and the keyboardist was a girl named D from our lower year. I liked her the first time I saw her. She was beautiful, 165 cm tall, not thin but not fat either. She had a baby face and was very likable. As I write this, I can still imagine the scene at that time; I was instantly captivated by her.

Then I started pursuing her, and we began a very painful relationship—for more than half a year. Because L didn't want to be abandoned by me, and I felt guilty towards her, I gave in whenever she cried. A few days ago, I watched "A Sigh" and it really touched me—it's so tiring. Running between two girls every day, telling different lies, the pain far outweighs the pleasure, but I can't let go.

My first time with D was about a month after we met, in a hallway after the lights were out and we were asleep.

The first two years were incredibly happy; we were both very popular and well-known at school. We also had sex frequently. By then, we were already using contraception, but I still accidentally had a miscarriage.

As graduation approached, D became very worried about me because of my poor academic performance. She was a very straightforward girl and often criticized me bluntly, leaving me feeling lost. Gradually, we started arguing frequently, and quite intensely at that. However, our relationship deteriorated. D was also about to graduate, and she was determined to marry me, while I wanted to pursue a more distant future. Sometimes I tried to appease her, which resulted in even more arguments.

[The End]

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