Love from 20 years ago

page views:1 Publication date:2023-03-23

My thoughts drift back 20 years to the year 2000. That year, I entered university (to avoid disrupting the flow of the story, I will no longer refer to myself as "Uncle"). It was my first choice for both the university and my major.

A backpack, a suitcase, a green train—my first train ride, my first time away from home. During the journey, I felt a little unwell. I found the train conductor sitting in the small connecting room. "I feel a bit tight in my chest, and nauseous!" The conductor looked up at me. "Chest tightness? Nausea?" He took out a few pills from his bag and gave them to me. I almost laughed, feeling like an idiot. Actually, these symptoms are called "motion sickness."

The long journey began. In the morning, the carriage was bustling with activity, everyone full of energy. After spending the night on the train, the new morning saw everyone looking like wilted eggplants, listless and exhausted.

I didn't arrive at the train station until after 7 PM. After getting off the train, I found many universities welcoming new students in the square. I walked around but couldn't find my university. Later, I asked a senior student who was welcoming new students, and he said, "So-and-so University? Oh, they probably went back!" So I had to go to the school myself!

From the train station, I took a bus to a certain stop. There was a gate to a certain university on the roadside. Entering the gate, I saw banners welcoming new students. Senior students from various majors sat at small tables on both sides of the road to welcome the new students of their respective majors.

A second-year student helped me find my dormitory, collect my belongings, get my uniform, and complete the formalities. What followed was a month of military training. My dormitory was a six-person room with two sinks on the balcony, two toilet stalls, and three double-sided tables in the middle. I remember during military training, six of us would walk into the dormitory exhausted, throw our hats on the table, and sit facing each other on either side. Then the instructor would enter, and all six of us would reflexively stand up in unison. This reminded me of an old movie, a Kuomintang military conference, where all the military generals would stand up as soon as Chiang Kai-shek entered the conference room!

A university professor once said that elementary school to middle school is like one step, middle school to high school is another, but high school to university is like a building's span. There are no longer fixed classes; students are generally organized by dormitory. There are no more homeroom teachers, no one nags you about studying, and you're free. You can do whatever you like, join various clubs, and arrange your own daily life. Speaking of things from that era, there

was a paging service. A number like 12345-67890 was used. You dialed the first number to reach the paging operator, and the customer service representative would say in a high-pitched voice, "Hello! Who are you calling?" "Paging 67890 for me." Back then, paging was mostly done with Chinese characters, similar to SMS. Common paging messages in university included things like "Come to the classroom and help me with my advanced calculus" and "Bring me two yuan's worth of pancakes when you come back."

Cellphones were rare; only wealthy students from coastal areas had them in freshman year. But by the time I graduated, cell phones were widespread, everyone had one, and Nokia was at its peak. I've used many cell phones; my first one in university was a Haier called "Xiduoxing 3000." Back then, each brand released many mobile phone models every year. Later, that phone was stolen, and I replaced it with a Konka phone with a color screen. Then I became a Nokia fanatic, using the 3108, 6300, and 6303. After mobile phones got SMS functionality, pagers became obsolete. Later, mobile phone ringtones were polyphonic, the most awesome being 40-chord polyphonic ringtones. Then you could listen to music and set up MP3s, eliminating the Walkman. Later, color screens had 400,000 pixels, then 1 million pixels, and then integrated camera functions, eliminating point-and-shoot digital cameras... My entire university years witnessed the rapid development of technology across the centuries. On New Year's Day 2001, the entire dormitory was cheering. The first day of the new century was 9/11.

The idol drama "Meteor Garden" was all the rage .

I entered my second year of university, and the real love story of the older man began.

The older man's talent was in the arts.

Back in junior high school, I almost got into the local teacher's college's art program. As I mentioned before, the top six in the county art exam were selected based on academic scores, and my academic score was only seventh.

I remember taking three art exams: sketching, quick sketching, and watercolor. The sketching and watercolor were still life, while the quick sketch involved a teacher as the model. While I was drawing, all the teachers came up behind me, pointing and whispering. I got first place in art, and the results were posted in the county!

In my second year of university, I won first prize in a "Ode to the Motherland" calligraphy and painting competition. My work was a traditional Chinese painting of peonies, accompanied by the calligraphy "Spring City is filled with flying flowers." This competition was organized by the school's calligraphy and painting association, and I was a member of that association!

I also joined the student union. Most universities have student unions in each department, and I joined the university-wide student union. My name was on the 15th student union list of a certain university. At that time, the student union was the Student Union Federation. My department was the publicity department, and my position was vice minister. I mainly did grassroots work, hanging banners, drawing various promotional advertisements, calligraphy, and cartoons. The university student union had various departments, but I think the most powerful was the public relations department. They could attract sponsorships and raise money. People who stayed in that department for a few years were exceptionally capable. Besides that, there were external relations, cultural publicity, women's affairs, sports, clubs, etc., but I can't remember them all now. In my sophomore year, the calligraphy and painting association, in conjunction with the student union, held a three-person calligraphy and painting exhibition. I was one of the three. One of us was a calligrapher, proficient in various styles of brush calligraphy and pen calligraphy—his work was incredibly elegant. Another artist was an oil painter, whose work was almost photographic. One of our paintings depicted a modern woman sitting quietly with a violin; it was beautiful. The third artist was me—an all-rounder. My calligraphy wasn't particularly good, and I didn't have many works, but I did have art pieces: sketches, traditional Chinese paintings, and comics. An entire exhibition hall in the library had all four walls covered with our works, each accompanied by an artist's biography and a photograph. Mine was an outdoor half-body portrait, chosen from among many as my favorite.

Of course, university life is probably similar for most people. It was the most rebellious and chaotic period, a time of openness and freedom. We chatted online, studied, ate in the cafeteria, had late-night talks, talked about pretty girls, watched porn, and even went shirtless. The university also had a informal organization called the "Hometown Association." Upon enrollment, upperclassmen would collect the contact information of students from different hometowns, which would later lead to gatherings, meals, and annual holidays where we'd travel together to buy tickets back to our hometowns!

I don't know about others, but personally, I think if someone around you likes you, you'll feel it. It's so sad that many people who secretly admire someone never even know it.

Sometime during my sophomore year, I started to vaguely sense a girl watching me. I'd see her intentionally or unintentionally in the study room, on my way to the cafeteria, on campus, and in many other places. This was definitely not a coincidence. So, one day, I started paying attention to this girl, noticing her appearance and demeanor, but without any deliberate eye contact; she cleverly and naturally avoided it. Until one day, I saw her walking below from the teaching building. She was with another girl, and I recognized her. She was from my hometown, a different county than mine, but from the same county as the guy from the class next to mine. I was in Class 7, and my guy, Xiao Cheng, was in Class 8. We had the same student ID number—732 and 832—and were in the same large class. We were very close. Oh, and I forgot to mention, our major was civil engineering! That girl from my hometown was described as "short and ugly," and we didn't have much interaction.

Through Xiao Cheng's conversation with the girl from her hometown, I learned about her. She was from the School of Chemical Engineering, majoring in pharmaceutical engineering. She was about 165cm tall, weighed less than 100 pounds, had medium-length hair, fair skin, liked to carry a backpack with a cartoon doll on it, wore a dress, and was a lively and cute type.

The university has a comprehensive teaching building where most classes are held. It has a courtyard-style design, like the Chinese character "回" (hui), with classrooms on all four sides and a central space extending to the ceiling. The ceiling has glass windows to ensure ample natural light. Actually, three sides are classrooms, with one side—the side with the main entrance—offering a rest platform on each floor. From the outside, it's a whole glass curtain wall. I could see students coming and going from this rest platform.

Usually, when returning from the study room, I would walk along a path, with the Mechanical Engineering building on one side and a grove of trees on the other. The path was paved, with square pits left at the tree roots. The trees weren't very vigorous. Some people would walk through the grove to other places, but most would walk along the path along the outer wall of the Mechanical Engineering building.

It was evening after self-study. Usually, several of us from the dorm would go together, but tonight I was alone. There wasn't much of a crowd as I walked this stretch of road. As I walked, I sensed someone behind me. My intuition told me it was that girl, about twenty meters away. Just as I was about to pass the Mechanical Engineering building, I suddenly stopped. I turned around and walked back. Sure enough, it was her. She seemed a little nervous and flustered, but she quickly composed herself and continued walking as if nothing had happened. I kept my eyes fixed on her as I walked towards her. She was carrying her backpack and two books in her hands. Her gaze had nowhere to escape. As we drew closer, she grew increasingly uncomfortable, visibly tense and flustered. She clutched her book tightly until I blocked her path. I kept watching her. She tried to dodge to the right, but I stepped forward with my left foot. She took another step to the right, and she was already against the wall. I had her pinned against the wall, her hands gripping the book even tighter, her breathing rapid, her chest heaving—a classic wall-slamming pose. I could already smell the scent of her hair. She couldn't look me in the eye. In that moment of complex panic, my lips touched hers. Two seconds of zero distance—the most wonderful feeling of my life!

Now, face to face, I said, "Lin Xiaoyu!" He looked surprised. I smiled slightly and then turned and left with a flourish. Three days later, in the study room, I sensed someone next to me. I glanced at her and saw a dress. Looking up, I saw Lin Xiaoyu. It felt like we were old friends. I moved a seat over so she could sit next to me. I said, "Don't you have class today?" After she sat down, she tilted her head and pouted, looking at me with a coquettish expression. She seemed to think I shouldn't be so calm, acting as if nothing had happened.

I took a piece of paper from my book—a cartoon of a beautiful woman I had drawn. A long-haired girl carrying a backpack and holding books, I handed it to her desk. "How is it? Does it look like her?" She chuckled. She looked at the drawing, then tilted her head shyly to look at me, then back at the drawing!

And so, Lin Xiaoyu and I got together.

Like most couples, we shared many common moments: eating together in the cafeteria, studying together, each listening to music with an earphone. Sometimes I would tell her jokes, making her giggle and laugh uncontrollably. Once, we were chatting happily in the study room, and perhaps our laughter was too loud, which angered a single male in front of us. He turned around and glared at us, saying, "You two, be quiet! You're disturbing my studies."

Sometimes we'd stroll around campus at night. I once played "Can't Help Falling in Love" on my harmonica from the bleachers.

After each study session, we'd walk together to the girls' dormitory before I went back to my dorm. Back then, none of us had cell phones. Each dorm had a landline phone that could only receive calls. To make calls, there were local and provincial phone cards—a set of numbers, an account, and a password. You could use the dorm phone to call others. There were also many public phones on the streets that used IC cards. The government must have invested a lot of money back then; so many of them had stainless steel casings, were durable, and had large screens. I never imagined that by the time I graduated, these things would be practically extinct!

Back then, when I called her dorm, it was usually "Hello, is Lin Xiaoyu there?" We were all pretty silly in college, and we liked to play pranks. For example, if a girl called our dorm and I answered, I'd say in the standard announcer's voice, "Press 1 for Mandarin, 2 for English, 3 for dialect." Most of the time, the other person would laugh, but sometimes they'd actually press the keys, and I'd hear the key presses—of course, I'd laugh.

Once, I called her dorm, and her roommate answered. She picked up the phone and said, "Hello!" My reaction took less than a second: "May I speak to Lin..." "Xiaoyu?" The dorm group laughed on the other end of the line. She answered the phone and said, "You're pretty quick-witted!"

We sat side by side on the bleachers of the playground chatting, watching the people on the field. We hugged each other in the woods by the pond.

We ate snacks from the food street together.

We watched movies together.

There was a movie theater near the school, with double sofa seats. The screening room was quite large, about medium-sized. Large ones were called auditoriums, and small ones were like the ones we see now, but they weren't actually movie theaters because they didn't have movie projectors; they projected DVDs. They even broadcast the Korea-Japan World Cup live in 2002. Every week, the school would distribute a thin A4 sheet of film information, listing the movies for each day of the week. They had everything: Hong Kong and Taiwan films, classic films. Sometimes they would have special screenings—Chow Yun-fat screenings, Stephen Chow screenings, Andy Lau screenings. The tickets were very cheap. Lin Xiaoyu and I often went there, walking there and then strolling back together after the movie.

Ever since that wall-pinning incident at the Mechanical Engineering department, the next one was at this movie theater. We'd share a deep kiss that lasted a minute, then watch the movie, then another deep kiss, my hand slipping inside her clothes to caress her waist and abdomen; then another movie, another deep kiss, my hand reaching to her breasts, caressing them from above—soft, so pleasurable, so wonderful!

We studied together every day, either he or I reserving seats. Our bags were in the study room during the day, and we continued studying in the evening. Christmas arrived. That evening, after dinner, we were supposed to go to study as usual, but my roommates and I were chatting about Christmas Eve, suggesting we go for a walk. One of my roommates was still studying, so I asked him to go to the classroom where I was studying to find Lin Xiaoyu. I got my backpack back! Then I went shopping on campus with a few roommates!

It definitely had a festive atmosphere outside, but it was already quite cold. We passed a boutique, and my roommates and I went in to browse. Suddenly, I wanted to buy a gift for Lin Xiaoyu. We discussed it and picked out a wooden music box, which the shop assistant carefully wrapped in gift paper. After browsing for a while, we went back to school. Of course, I wanted to take it to Xiaoyu. When I got to her building, I called her from a public phone. Her roommate said she was studying and hadn't returned yet. It was nine o'clock, and our dorm would be locked at ten. I went to the study room in the main teaching building to look for her, but I couldn't see her through the glass door. I went back downstairs and called her dorm. Her roommate said, "She's not back yet. It's so cold, why are you still waiting down there?" I said, "Yeah, call her when she gets back." Come find me downstairs! I waited there, lost in thought, until 9:50. She walked up to me from a distance. Because I was so preoccupied, I didn't notice her at all. I only snapped out of it when I saw her walk right up to me. I said, "It's Christmas, I have a present for you." "Um, the dorm's about to lock up, I have to go." "Here you go." She took it and I went back to my dorm!

Actually, after my roommate got my bag from her, she changed classrooms because it was cold and sat near the radiator, which is why I couldn't find her!

After that, we continued our usual routine of studying, going to the cafeteria, watching movies, chatting, walking, hugging, and saying goodbye at the girls' dorm. One day, Lin Xiaoyu suddenly gave me a present. I was surprised and asked why she suddenly gave me a present. Lin Xiaoyu said, "You forgot, today is your birthday!" "They knew my birthday from my ID and gave me a wind chime. I hung it on the wall by my lower bunk near the window. Actually, I didn't tell them the date on my ID wasn't my birthday!

Whenever I'm alone in my dorm, sometimes with the window or door open, I hear the wind chime tinkling!

I saw a poem in a magazine, and I could recite it after reading it once! We

haven't known each other long,

but the time I spend missing you is always long!

The moments I pick up along the stream of time are all sparkling memories!

Life is a river that changes course at any time;

only the sea is its ultimate, unchanging destiny!

Choosing to love you

is choosing a kind of..." An inescapable fate!

Sophomore year ended quickly, summer vacation arrived, and I went back to my hometown. We parted ways and didn't contact each other during this time. The first semester of junior year began, and something happened that summer: I failed two courses and had to retake them. I was very upset and depressed. After the semester started, I didn't contact Lin Xiaoyu for a month… two months…

Then SARS broke out,

and I never saw Lin Xiaoyu again in the study room, on campus, or in any other place. She was truly in the same school as me. A semester passed, and we hadn't contacted each other.

Later, I learned from a fellow villager named Xiao Cheng that

"a boy was pursuing her," and

"they were together."

"They often argue on the phone."

"Once I heard her yell at him on the phone, 'Don't call me again!'"

"Why are XX and Xiaoyu like each other? Actually, Xiaoyu really likes XX."

XX is

about to become a senior in college, doing internships, looking for jobs, and finally having a farewell dinner with her roommates!

I was the last to leave the dorm. The room was a mess, and all the bedding on the beds was gone. I sat on the edge of my bed, took out my harmonica, and played "Unavoidable Love."

I can't forget the first time I saw you, your

captivating eyes are etched

in my mind,

your image

lingers.

Holding your hands, I felt your gentleness

, almost suffocating. I want to cherish

your innocence. Seeing you suffer makes me sad , I'm afraid I'll fall in love with you. I dare not get too close, afraid I have nothing to give you. Loving you also takes great courage , I'm afraid I'll fall in love with you. Perhaps one day I'll be unable to stop missing you, only to suffer myself. Falling in love with you is beyond my control. Why did I meet you again? I really, really don't want to fall into this trap of love. I never said to Lin Xiaoyu, "Lin Xiaoyu, be my girlfriend!" I never said to Lin Xiaoyu, "Lin Xiaoyu, I love you!" I never said to Lin Xiaoyu, "Lin Xiaoyu, let's break up!" With my bag on my back and my suitcase that I'd used for four years, I walked out of the dorm, glanced back at the lower bunk by the window, slowly closed the door, and heard the tinkling of a wind chime! My youth, along with that string of wind chimes, will forever remain in my university life! Postscript: Lin Xiaoyu and I never had sexual relations! After graduation, I never heard from Xiaoyu again. After going abroad, even after returning, my fellow villager Xiao Cheng lost contact with her. She passed through my life without leaving a trace! P.S.: The story took place twenty years ago. Lin Xiaoyu should now be married with children, a forty-year-old woman. [The End]

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Love from 20 years ago

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