Holy crap! These are all amazing replies researched and developed by brilliant people...

page views:1 Publication date:2014-04-01

1:
楼主：我喜欢上了一个比我小6岁的女孩，还在上初中，真是造孽啊。
暴强回复：把喜欢两字去掉才真是造孽。
2:
楼主：我把我家的狗给揍了！地震它也不告诉我，平时叫得那么欢，刚才地震时竟像没事似的在窝里睡觉！
回复：唉，毕竟不是亲生的……
3:
楼主：老婆生了个女娃，非常可爱，求各位帮爱女起个有气势的名字，鄙人姓成。
回复：成鸡思汉。
4:
楼主：给我一个女人，我就能创造出一个民族！
回复：嗯，给你一头母猪，明年的肉价就能下跌！
5:
楼主：上大学我跳过课、挂过科、甩过人、被甩过、打过架、记过过、破过处……哎，能干的我都干过了～
回复：你死过吗？
6:
楼主：请用一句话形容中国国家地震台。
Reply: Hindsight is 20/20, but beforehand, you're like a pig!
7:
Original Poster: Everyone, tell a story that starts off scary, is funny in the middle, and ends tragically. For example, once upon a time, there was a ghost who farted and then died.
Reply: Met Sister Furong, fell in love with Sister Furong, married Sister Furong...
8:
Original Poster: Talking to that bunch of idiots at work every day makes me feel like my future is bleak...
Reply: Be happy~ Because playing the lute to a cow isn't scary, what's scary is a bunch of cows playing the lute to you every day!
9:
Original Poster: In a moment of desperation, a female pineapple vendor in Nantou, Shenzhen, bit off the little JJ of a city management officer...
Reply: Hmph! If you don't let me live, I won't let you enjoy life!!!
10:
Original Poster: Actually, Newton was just lucky to discover the law of universal gravitation. If I had been born 300 years earlier, I could have done it too!
Reply: He was indeed lucky, because what hit him on the head was an apple, while what hit poor Original Poster on the head was either a durian or a coconut...
11:
Original Poster: Is it worse to be called "uncle" or "little brother"?
Hilarious Reply: Uncle, your little brother is out.
12:
OP: City managers have added new weapons to catch stray dogs!
Hilarious Reply: We are all of the same origin, why are you so eager to harm us?
13:
OP: Why are more and more people not wanting children?
Hilarious Reply: A high-ranking official from Beijing said that we should start from childhood.
14:
OP: I met a male online friend today, and he kept hinting that he wanted to sleep with me. I want to ask: Does meeting online friends nowadays just mean sleeping together?
Hilarious Reply: Meeting online friends without sleeping together? Are you kidding me? Everyone is so busy.
15:
OP: A student, whose grades are always last, often gets into fights. The teacher wants to give the student a nicer end-of-term comment as requested by the leadership. How should I write it?
Hilarious Reply: This student has stable grades and strong hands-on skills.
16:
OP: The Hainan mineral water death incident shows that China's food safety is worrying. Mineral water can kill people? Doesn't it have the QS mark?
Hilarious Reply: Just wondering, does QS mean "go die"?
17:
OP: Men, would you choose Li Yuchun or Zhang Ziyi?
Hilarious Reply: One's a rooster, the other a pheasant, I wouldn't choose either .
18:
OP: Which is more cost-effective, raising a dog or raising a man?
Hilarious Reply: Auntie, even if you can treat a man like a dog, would you dare treat a dog like a man?
19:
OP: If Li Yuchun and Sister Furong both fell into the water, and you had a brick, who would you hit?
Hilarious Reply: Whoever tries to save them, you hit.
20:
Forum OP: I have one million and want to buy a car. Any suggestions?
Forum Reply: You could buy 30 QQ cars, form a convoy, and drive them in an S-shape, then a B-shape.
21:
Forum OP: Wang Xiaoya married Chen Zhangliang. Please comment in four words.
Forum Reply: She's reformed!
22:
Forum OP: Do you think I look like Wu Bai?
Forum Reply: Only half! (250??!!)
23:
Forum Poster: Last night while walking the dog, my Tibetan Mastiff got into a fight with a bald stray dog near the woods. Damn! I never expected the Tibetan Mastiff to be so easily defeated by a mongrel!!!
Forum Reply: ****, before I went bald, they all called me Lion!
24:
Forum Poster: Guess what nationality I am^_^
Forum Reply: Chinese + Transformer!
25:
Forum Poster: My girlfriend always says she has small breasts, but I think they're okay. Forum guys, please help me judge~
Forum Reply: Two pimples on her back!
26:
Forum Poster: If I had 100 million RMB, I could take out a loan to buy a house in Tomson Riviera!
Forum Reply: Yeah, but you'll need to borrow money to pay the property management fees first~
27:
Forum OP: He swore today that I'm a part of his life, a part of his body, and that he can't live without me~
Forum Reply: My ex-boyfriend said the same thing, but later I found out I was his appendix, scalp, ear, six fingers—something dispensable!
28:
Forum OP: I'm so rich! What kind of car should I buy for my nanny?
Forum Reply: That depends on how far her relationship with your husband has progressed~
29:
Forum OP: That damn hair salon ruined my haircut! Give me some bad ideas, the more destructive the better, but the quieter the better, because I'm going alone.
Forum Basement: In the dead of night, under a dark and windy sky, quietly, gently, hang yourself at the entrance of the hair salon…
30:
Forum OP: What should I do if I develop amnesia?
Forum Reply: Wouldn't that be awesome? Waking up every morning to find a different woman sleeping next to you~
31:
Forum Poster: What kind of scene did you fantasize about when you grew up, making you the center of attention in front of everyone?
Forum Bench: Carrying a load of manure to the street, and splashing it on anyone I don't like!
32:
Forum Poster: Why do police use sirens when arresting bad guys? Aren't they afraid the bad guys will hear it from far away and run away?
Forum Reply: Higher-level units usually notify lower-level units in advance before inspections~
33:
Forum Poster: Why do children take their father's surname?
Forum Reply: Because the money dispensed from the ATM belongs to the person who inserted the card.
34:
Forum Poster: What's the use of being handsome—in the end, you're still eaten by a pawn!
Forum Reply: A handsome man has a knight to accompany him, a cannon to fire at him, a horse to ride, a chariot to sit on, and a bishop to secretly admire him... How is being handsome bad?!
35:
Forum Poster: Seeking the most scathing insult without using any vulgar words.
Forum Reply 31: Did your mother throw you away and raise the placenta instead?
36:
Forum OP: Why was Japan so cold during President Hu's visit, with no welcome banners even at the airport?
Forum Reply: What would they put up? "Warmly welcome our old Chinese friend to Japan"?
37:
Forum OP: Don't you women get hot wearing bras in the summer?
Forum Reply: We'd be hot if we didn't wear them…
38:
Forum OP: I just bought a new estate, and its size will scare you—it took me two and a half hours to drive around it!
Forum Reply: Yeah, I used to have a beat-up car like that too~

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