Group chat -- The life I want! (XIV) (Reprinting a classic article of this kind)

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Big Stick and I remained silent, genuinely unsure of what to say; the atmosphere was incredibly awkward. "Brother, can you sing? Sing me a song!" "Sister, brother, I can't sing, and I'm not very good at it." "Then, recite a poem for me. We have to do something." I thought for a moment. I'm a science student, and when it comes to poetry, besides "The bright moonlight shines on my bedside, I suspect it is frost on the ground..." I really couldn't think of any poems to recite. After a while, I began to recite. "I would be a rushing torrent, a mountain stream, flowing over rugged paths and rocky cliffs… as long as my beloved is a little fish, swimming happily in my waves. I would be a wild forest, on the banks of the river, bravely battling the gusts of wind… as long as my beloved is a little bird, nesting and singing among my dense branches. I would be ruins, on steep cliffs, this silent destruction does not sadden me… as long as my beloved is green ivy, intimately climbing up my desolate brow. I would be a thatched hut, at the bottom of a deep valley, its roof battered by wind and rain… as long as my beloved is a lovely flame, flickering happily in my hearth. I would be a cloud, a tattered gray flag, lazily drifting in the vast sky… as long as my beloved is a coral-like sunset, beside my pale face, displaying its vibrant brilliance." "I Wish I Were a Torrent," written by the Hungarian poet Pet?fi Sándor in 1848, is a poem dedicated to his beloved Julia, and is considered one of the world's most famous love poems. I read this poem in my second year of high school. At that time, naive and immature, I simply found it catchy and beautifully written, so I memorized it. But today, reciting it evoked a new meaning, a deeper understanding of love, and it stirred my heart. Lan Qi'er and Da Bangchui were hearing this poem recited for the first time, and they followed along, reading each word carefully: "I wish I were a torrent…for my beloved…"."When I finished reading, I saw Duoduolong standing at the door of the main room, tears streaming down his face. After dinner, Dabangchui and I accompanied Lanqier to take a hot bath. We both took off our clothes and stood naked in front of each other. I filled the bathtub with hot water, lay down in it, Lanqier leaned against me, and Dabangchui stood on the edge of the tub. This was like the first time we came to Lanqier's house and played the threesome in the water, but the difference was that we didn't have sex. We just carefully wiped Lanqier's body. I can't describe the whole bathing process; it was a sacred, indescribable, and emotional act. We didn't have oral sex, we didn't ejaculate, we didn't even kiss. We would caress Lanqier..." We massaged her breasts, but it was truly a massage. We even pulled apart her labia majora, stretching her vaginal opening wide, but it was really just for cleaning her genitals. It wasn't an action, but a thought. At that moment, we had absolutely no erotic or sexual thoughts. Our penises weren't even erect; it was as if the two of us men simply wanted to use all our strength to wash away Lan Qi'er's illness and the troubles she mentioned. Later, I've had countless group sex sessions and countless times of threesomes swimming together, but I've never experienced anything like this day—a threesome with absolutely no feeling, no thought, and not even a desire for sex. At this point, the novel is nearing its end. "Group Sex—The Life I Want" is indeed about group sex. But what is group sex? What is its meaning? I think some people are still confused. My view, Ah Xi Zai's view, is that the focus of group sex isn't on intercourse, mating, or sex—to put it bluntly, it's about making love. Making love isn't the whole story of group sex, much less its most important aspect. The focus is on the group and the life itself. The group is about people who love each other being together; life is about feelings, about the little things filled with emotion. I don't know if our second time bathing together at Lan Qi'er's house counts as group sex, but I think it does. The three of us were happy together, honest with each other. Even without any sex, what does it matter? Sex, in the end, whether it's one man to one woman, one man to one man, one woman to one woman, N men to N women, or one woman to N men, is ultimately just the two processes of penetration and thrusting. This novel isn't about this simple act, but about the people making love, the subtle emotional exchange between them, and about our lives, our ideal lives. We stayed at Duoduolong and Lanqi'er's house for two weeks, the longest we'd ever stayed there, and of course, the last. Under the careful care of the three of us men, Lanqi'er's body slowly recovered, and our sex life finally began four days before we left. Before that, we showered and slept naked together every day. We even touched each other's genitals. Although Lanqi'er asked us countless times to have sex with her, Dabangchui and I insisted. Lanqi'er's health was the most important thing; sex, in fact, wasn't. For the last four days, just like the first time we visited Lan Qi'er's house, we spent all our time making love, except for eating and sleeping. We ejaculated all our semen into Lan Qi'er's vagina without reservation. The pleasure from the continuous orgasms was truly wonderful. We felt like we were floating on clouds, happy and carefree. This time, Lan Qi'er took the initiative to ask us to leave. The morning before we left, we made love until dawn. We held Lan Qi'er close. "Brother, you should go." "Let's stay a few more days, just a few more days, okay?" It was Da Bangchui who was most reluctant to leave Lan Qi'er. "No, you've been away for almost two weeks. What will your wife and children think? You have a responsibility to them." "Brother, you two go. I love responsible men, not cowardly men." "Brother, you two have me in your hearts, and I have you in mine. We love each other, and that's enough for a woman." "Brother, I want you to see this place." Lan Qi'er propped her genitals up with a pillow, spread her thighs, and used her fingers to pull apart her labia majora. She endured the pain, opening her vagina wide enough for us to see the semen we'd ejaculated inside her all night flowing out. Almost every group sex session involves someone enjoying watching the woman's vaginal fluids flow; this, to some extent, brings men a strange sense of sexual satisfaction and accomplishment. This kind of play is always considered very lewd. But at that moment, neither Big Stick nor I felt anything lewd, obscene, or pornographic. "Brother, I want you to remember this place, to remember this impression, because this place will always belong to you. You must never forget this place, okay?" At the time, we didn't understand Lan Qi'er's words at all, just nodded. It wasn't until much later that I understood the true meaning of those words. The second time we parted, our sadness wasn't as intense. This time, we had Lan Qi'er and Duo Duolong see us off at the airport; Buick took us to Chengdu Shuangliu International Airport. When we left that day, Lan Qier didn't shed any tears, but instead recited Pet?fi's poem "I Would Be a Torrent". "I would be a rushing torrent, a mountain stream, flowing over rugged paths and rocky cliffs… as long as my beloved is a little fish, swimming happily in my waves. I would be a wild forest, on the banks of the river, bravely battling the gusts of wind… as long as my beloved is a little bird, nesting and singing among my dense branches. I would be ruins, on steep cliffs, this silent destruction does not sadden me… as long as my beloved is green ivy, intimately climbing up my desolate brow. I would be a thatched hut, at the bottom of a deep valley, its roof battered by wind and rain… as long as my beloved is a lovely flame, flickering happily in my hearth. I would be a cloud, a tattered gray flag, lazily drifting in the vast sky… as long as my beloved is a coral-like sunset, beside my pale face, displaying its vibrant brilliance." I actually only recited this poem to Lan Qier once, but she remembered it firmly, and I think she'll never forget it. My wife and I got divorced a week after I returned home from my second trip to Chengdu. In the divorce agreement, my wife would raise Mao Mao, and the savings and car would all go to her. Actually, I wanted to give her everything, including the house. But she didn't want it; she left the house to me. She said, "Xizi, we've been husband and wife in this house for six years. I can take everything, but not the house. Living here, at least you'll remember me, the woman who was your wife, who cooked for you, did your laundry, and served you, even though sex could never satisfy you. You should always remember that she gave you a daughter named Mao Mao." My wife and I separated peacefully. In fact, we had sex every single day for the week before the separation. During those days, we made love every day. I used all the techniques I learned from Lan Qier and Konggu Youlan, and my wife's sex skills, or rather, her passion, were unexpectedly good. But I suddenly realized that my wife's vagina seemed to have become very loose, and I wasn't used to it. I remember when my wife brought up breaking up, we had just finished making love. I was stroking her vulva, which was dripping with my semen, and my wife didn't say anything. Every time after making love, I would stroke a woman's vulva. Sometimes I would gently probe the opening of her vagina. I liked the feeling of her vaginal fluid after making love to me—slippery, with a strange smell, erotic but incredibly satisfying. My wife knew my habit, and every time she would cooperate by lifting her buttocks and spreading her thighs as wide as possible. "Ah Xi, do you like my vulva?" "Yes, of course I like it." "What if it were dripping with the semen of many men? Would you still like it?" "What are you talking about?" "Ah Xi, I'm talking about the life you want. Group sex, isn't that the life you want?" "Why are you talking like this today…?""Ah happy, I know you have a lot on your mind, I know all of that." "Ah happy, I've known for a long time that you've been seeing someone else. Don't ask me how I know, women always have that intuition, you can't hide it from them." "I used to read a lot of online romance novels, and some men could always keep their extramarital affairs so well hidden, for years. Later, when my own husband found another woman, I realized that was all nonsense. Take my husband, for example, I've been married to him for six years, a full six years. I know every hair, every pore, every cell in his body. One look from him, and I know what he's thinking." "Ah Xi, actually, I can understand you seeing other women, I can pretend I don't know. Sexually, I can't satisfy you, and other women satisfy you for me, I have no right to object." "How long can a person live? Maybe seventy, but by forty-five, many men struggle even to get an erection. My man is thirty; he can only enjoy sex for about fifteen more years. Fifteen years—it's just a blink of an eye. You have every right to enjoy sex before you get old, but unfortunately, I can never satisfy you. I don't know why. I can never enjoy the beauty of sex. To me, it's just a process of procreation, a responsibility I should fulfill as a husband." "Ah-Xi, I don't object to you having other women, but I always want to know, what's that woman really like? Is she prettier than me? Is she gentler than me? Can she serve my man better in bed than I can? Is she truly sincere towards my man, or is she just pretending? Will she hurt my man…?" "Ah happy, I know you. You can't keep secrets. I know where that woman is; she's on your computer, in your QQ history. I asked a friend to find hacking software to crack your QQ password, but I didn't expect it to be so simple. It's our wedding anniversary, 200408013, and it's just that simple. I also unexpectedly found your online diary on your computer." "A password, you might have set it casually, but I'm more inclined to believe that when my man created a QQ account to find other women, he at least kept our wedding anniversary in mind. Once, my closest girlfriend asked me what kind of man you were, and I said, Ah Xi is a responsible man. No matter how much he drinks outside, no matter how beautiful the women are trying to distract him, he'll always remember to come home. He always distinguishes between playing around and living life." "Ah happy, I really didn't expect that you weren't actually having a woman outside, but that you were actually doing group sex. I really didn't expect that your ideal life would be sharing a woman with other men, including having sex. At first, I couldn't accept that my man preferred this kind of dirty, perverted, beast-like sex. Is my man even human? I was stunned, I really didn't know what to do." "During that time, I kept going online to look for articles about group sex, even pornographic novels. I still couldn't understand why you were so obsessed with group sex. At that time, I couldn't figure out whether you liked that woman named Lan Qi'er because you loved group sex, or whether you liked group sex because you loved her. I'm afraid you yourself don't even know." "Later, I felt that I needed to experience group sex for myself. I wanted to try to accommodate you. Since my man likes to do this, why can't I do it with him? If this can satisfy both of us, then our marriage can go back to what it was before, right? I gave myself a screen name, 'Returning the Pearl to the Emperor,' and I fabricated a Shenzhen identity and joined the group." "I experienced the kind of one-woman-multiple-men sex you described in your online notes three times in the South China Sea. I admit, this kind of sex is incredibly attractive, whether you're a man or a woman, even someone like me who isn't particularly into sex can become addicted and unable to extricate myself." "I had a lot of fun and enjoyed myself immensely with those dozen or so men each time. Really, this kind of sexual pleasure is something you can't experience in a one-on-one marriage." "I didn't know any of them, but during sex, every penis that entered me felt more like a living, breathing man—his personality, character, worldview, and views on sex. Some were long, some short, some thick, some thin; they were so hot. Some were skilled, expertly stimulating every erogenous zone on my body; some preferred the force of thrusting, always reaching my cervix; some had a lot of semen, some had very little; some could ejaculate inside me many times in a row, while others might only ejaculate quickly once. The beauty of sex allowed us to understand and love each other." "I've even tried having two or more penises inserted into my vagina or anus at the same time. The feeling is indescribable. My vagina and anus felt like they were being torn apart, it hurt so much, and my vagina would become loose because of it. But that pain was also so wonderful. Each penis was a man, and inside me, I was actually reaching a spiritual exchange with several men at a higher level of sexual love." "I like the feeling of everyone ejaculating into my vagina. That hot liquid is not just semen, it is also the burning love of men for women." "I like the feeling of my vagina being stretched open like this, and us watching the vaginal fluid flowing out of my vaginal opening together. I don't know if that is a fusion of love. Having sex with a dozen men, the feeling of being loved by a dozen men at the same time is really comfortable and blissful. Even every time I take the bus back to Guangzhou from Nanhai, my vaginal opening is still gushing out semen, and my underwear is soaked when I get home. I don't know if this counts as lingering pleasure and unfinished business." "After playing three times, I finally understood, Ah happy, why you were so obsessed with this kind of sex. It truly was a wonderful life." "Ah Xi, back then, you were always absent-minded. You didn't care about my changes at all. I never told you because I hoped that one day you would see me in the South China Sea, and we could play together. Only by playing like this could I awaken my sexual desire, and only by playing like this could we return to our former life. I played three times in total, but I never saw you even once. I didn't know you were a group admin, and when we played in Guangzhou, you didn't show up." "Ah happy, I decided to give up this kind of life because of one thing. On my third trip to the South China Sea, when I got home, I was bathing Mao Mao naked that night. Mao Mao asked me, 'Mommy, why is your area so red and swollen, and there's this fluid?' I didn't know how to explain it to her. I suddenly realized a problem: Ah Xi, I can live the group sex life you want, but what about our child? How will we face her? When she grows up, she'll realize she has parents who are different from others—parents who are shameless, licentious, and like wild beasts in other people's eyes. How will she feel? Children's eyes are sharp; she's growing up every day." "Ah Xi, the ideal life you pursue isn't wrong. We can indeed gain immense spiritual, mental, and physical satisfaction during group activities. But what happens after the activities? We still have to return to reality. In reality, we are still a group of people who are not understood. Just like you wrote in your diary, we are ultimately just a stone. No matter how high we are thrown, we will eventually fall back to the ground because of Earth's gravity, and we can never leave Earth." "Lan Qier, is that her online name? It's such a nice name. It's a pity I never had the chance to meet her. She must be prettier than me. Chengdu girls are great; fair skin, age well, and she knows how to cherish men." "Axi, let's get a divorce. I'll take Mao Mao with me. We want the life we want, the life of ordinary people. Don't come looking for us again, okay? Axi, I love you. Even leaving you is because of love. Go find Lan Qier; you can find the life you want there." Now I finally understand why my wife pretended to believe my "trash, have you taken it out?" explanation, why she suddenly bought a laptop and internet card during that time, why she went to practice "yoga" every weekend… That night, I barely spoke; I listened to every word my wife said. My wife was right. We can choose the pressures society puts on us, but we can't face our children. Unless I completely give up my pursuit of an ideal life, but I can't give up the life I want. I agreed to the divorce; I had no other choice. I hardly told anyone in the group chat about my divorce, including Lan Qier. Only two people knew about this: BJ Kuaile and PK Malatang. I called BJ Kuaile the night my wife and Mao Mao moved out. I never drink, but that day I drank a whole bottle of Moutai. I was on the phone, drinking and crying at the same time. I'm not a weak man who cries easily, but when I called BJ Kuaile that time, I cried my eyes out."Ah happy, I know you. You can't keep secrets. I know where that woman is; she's on your computer, in your QQ history. I asked a friend to find hacking software to crack your QQ password, but I didn't expect it to be so simple. It's our wedding anniversary, 200408013, and it's just that simple. I also unexpectedly found your online diary on your computer." "A password, you might have set it casually, but I'm more inclined to believe that when my man created a QQ account to find other women, he at least kept our wedding anniversary in mind. My closest girlfriend once asked me what kind of man I was, and I said, 'Ah Xi is a responsible man. No matter how much he drinks outside, no matter how beautiful the women are trying to entice him, he'll always remember to come home. He always distinguishes between playing around and real life.'" "Ah happy, I really didn't expect that you weren't actually having affairs. You were actually involved in group sex. I really didn't expect your ideal life to be sharing a woman with other men, including sex. At first, I couldn't accept that my man preferred this kind of dirty, perverted, beast-like sex. Is my man even human? I was stunned. I really didn't know what to do." "During that time, I kept searching online for articles about group sex, even pornographic novels. I still couldn't understand why you were so obsessed with it. At that time, I couldn't figure out if you liked that woman named Lan Qi'er because you loved group sex, or if you loved her and therefore liked group sex. You probably don't even know yourself." "Later, I felt I needed to experience group sex firsthand. I wanted to try to accommodate you. Since my man likes to do this, why can't I do it with him? If this can satisfy both of us, wouldn't our marriage be able to go back to what it was before? I gave myself a screen name, 'Return the Pearl to the Emperor,' and fabricated a Shenzhen identity to join the group." "I experienced the kind of one-woman-multiple-men sex you described in your online notes three times in the South China Sea. I admit, this kind of sex is incredibly attractive, whether you're a man or a woman, even someone like me who isn't particularly into sex can become addicted and unable to extricate myself." "I had a lot of fun and enjoyed myself immensely with those dozen or so men each time. Really, this kind of sexual pleasure is something you can't experience in a one-on-one marriage." "I didn't know any of them, but during sex, every penis that entered me felt more like a living, breathing man—his personality, character, worldview, and views on sex. Some were long, some short, some thick, some thin; they were so hot. Some were skilled, expertly stimulating every erogenous zone on my body; some preferred the force of thrusting, always reaching my cervix; some had a lot of semen, some had very little; some could ejaculate inside me many times in a row, while others might only ejaculate quickly once. The beauty of sex allowed us to understand and love each other." "I've even tried having two or more penises inserted into my vagina or anus at the same time. The feeling is indescribable. My vagina and anus felt like they were being torn apart, it hurt so much, and my vagina would become loose because of it. But that pain was also so wonderful. Each penis was a man, and inside me, I was actually reaching a spiritual exchange with several men at a higher level of sexual love." "I like the feeling of everyone ejaculating into my vagina. That hot liquid is not just semen, it is also the burning love of men for women." "I like it like now, with my vagina wide open, and us watching the vaginal fluid flow out of my vaginal opening together. I don't know if that is a fusion of love. Having sex with a dozen men, the feeling of being loved by a dozen men at the same time is really comfortable and blissful. Even every time I take the bus back to Guangzhou from Nanhai, my vaginal opening is still gushing out semen, and my underwear is soaked when I get home." "I don't know if this counts as lingering aftertaste, a feeling of wanting more." "After playing three times, I finally understood, Ah Xi, why you were so obsessed with this kind of sex. It truly was a wonderful life." "Ah Xi, back then, you were always absent-minded. You didn't care about my changes at all. I never told you because I hoped that one day you would see me in Nanhai, and we could play together. Only by playing like that could I awaken my sexual desire, only by playing like that could we return to our former life. I played three times in total, but I never met you. I didn't know you were a group admin, and when we played in Guangzhou, you didn't show up." "Ah Xi, I decided to give up this life because of one thing. The third time I played in Nanhai, when I got home, I was bathing Mao Mao naked that night. Mao Mao asked me, 'Mommy, why is your area so red and swollen, and there's that kind of fluid?' I didn't know how to explain it to my child. I suddenly realized a problem: Ah Xi, I can have the group sex life you want with you, but what about the child? How can we face her?" When she grows up, she'll realize she has parents who are different from others—parents who are seen as shameless, debauched, and wildly promiscuous by others. How will that feel? Children's eyes are discerning; she's growing up every day. "Ah Xi, your ideal life isn't wrong. We do get immense satisfaction—spiritual, mental, and physical—during group activities. But what happens after the activities? We still have to return to reality. In reality, we're still misunderstood. Just like you wrote in your diary, we're ultimately just a stone. No matter how high we're thrown, we'll eventually fall back to the ground because of gravity, never leaving Earth." "Lan Qi'er, is that her online name? It's a really nice name. It's a pity I never had the chance to meet her. She must be prettier than me. Chengdu girls are nice; fair skin, age well, and she knows how to care for men." "Ah Xi, let's get a divorce. I'll take Mao Mao with me. We want a normal life. Don't come looking for us again, okay?" Ah happy, I love you. Even leaving you is because of love. Go find Lan Qi'er. You can find the life you want with her. "Now I finally understand why my wife pretended to believe my 'have you taken out the trash?' explanation, why she suddenly bought a laptop and a data card during that time, and why she went to 'yoga' every weekend... That night, I barely spoke; I listened to every word my wife said. My wife was right. We can choose the pressures society puts on us, but we can't face our children. Unless I completely give up my pursuit of an ideal life, but I can't give up the life I want. Agreeing to divorce, I had no other choice. I hardly told anyone in the group chat about my divorce, including Lan Qier. Only two people knew about it: BJ Kuaile and PK Malatang. I called BJ Kuaile the night my wife and Mao Mao moved out. I never drink, but that day I drank a whole bottle of Moutai. I was on the phone, drinking and crying. I'm not a weak man who cries easily, but that time when I called BJ Kuaile, I cried my eyes out."

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Group chat -- The life I want! (XIV) (Reprinting a classic article of this kind)

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