Reprinted: The Advantages and Disadvantages of Different Forms of Couples' Online Friendships

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In the realm of dating, interactions between married couples (four people) seem to possess an aristocratic quality, a form of friendship collectively recognized and considered without fault. Conversely, interactions between married couples and single individuals are seen as somewhat like second-class citizenship, while interactions between married singles are considered inferior or completely rejected.
This is a common sentiment among many who hold the philosophy of couples engaging in dating.
They generally reason that four-person interactions between married couples involve everyone, ensuring fairness. Balances are easily maintained in terms of physical intimacy, emotional connection, and even expenses, eliminating issues like "being taken advantage of," "concealment," or "developing feelings." While the term
"couples interacting with singles" might seem literal, many relationships in reality begin with three people and gradually progress to four. Therefore, as a prelude to couples interacting with each other—a necessary stage of "persuading" the wife (it's rare for a wife to seek out a single woman to "persuade" her husband)—it has been both scrutinized and tacitly accepted.
As for one spouse's individual dating activities, whether they are dating genuinely single people or another spouse, the lack of a shared "couple" dynamic leads most people to reject and reject them.
However, my personal understanding is as follows:
1. These three forms represent a smooth, linear relationship, rather than three separate lifestyles. The dynamics between them can change gradually with the breadth of one's mind, the depth of trust, and the fluctuations in one's bottom line. At a certain time, one might only be able to accept one type, and then suddenly, for some reason, naturally slide towards another.
For example, in a couple where initially only the husband accepts dating, he tries to convince his wife that dating isn't just an excuse for his own amusement, but rather for her happiness and to enjoy shared secrets and passion. He "asides" himself and finds a single man to let his wife experience the "sweetness" of dating. After a few such adjustments to their lives, the wife might, out of gratitude and trust, agree to dating other single men as a way of repaying her husband's trust and love. After some time of this, the woman's mind becomes more open, her love expands, she becomes more charming, and she understands how to enjoy life better. Therefore, she might want this kind of interaction to be deeper emotionally, allowing her to be more immersed. She craves more freedom. If the husband is indulgent and willing to give his wife love, it's not unreasonable for the wife to experience the joys of dating with a single man. Alternatively,
if the wife spoils her husband and allows him to have extramarital affairs without any jealousy, that's also acceptable. Alternatively, if both spouses are understanding and feel they have an open marital relationship, without restrictions on each other, they can still enjoy the pleasures of romance outside of shared family responsibilities and atmosphere. This is also an effective way to maintain passion.
Therefore, all three methods, when both spouses are aware of each other, can be considered "marital friendships" because all details are open and built on mutual trust. There is no deception, no harm, or even willing harm. Whether the individuals involved feel happy or experience a bittersweet experience, it's all acceptable.
2. There is actually no superior or inferior form among these three.
As the saying goes, what's suitable is best.
Every couple's situation is different, and their pursuits are also different. Therefore, choose the method that suits you, the method that you like and enjoy.
Don't mock couples dating each other just because you're currently in a relationship with a married couple, thinking it's unfair and doesn't satisfy your spouse, or feel sorry for the one without companionship. Don't criticize singles dating each other as irresponsible and selfish just because you're married. Don't mock couples dating each other for being overly cautious, for pursuing simple numbers or balances, or for lacking grandeur or inclusiveness in their love, just because you're single. And don't mock the rigidity of couples dating each other or the dangers of singles dating each other, while secretly believing your own relationship is the true expression of undivided enjoyment.
Of course, friendships between spouses aren't always perfect. Inevitably, one party may act privately or conceal their actions. This is extremely common between spouses and married singles. When singles are with each other, both have families, making concealment a possibility. In such situations, it's difficult to objectively judge the right or wrong of each other's actions, because everyone has desires and will occasionally indulge themselves. They may choose ways of interacting that they believe are harmless. In these cases, as bystanders, we can offer kind reminders and express concern, but criticism should be avoided. We are not saints, and sometimes people make mistakes. We are all adults; if they have acted incorrectly, let them bear the consequences. This responsibility is what they deserve, not our blame and condemnation.
Of course, for the sake of freedom, if you really want to criticize, that's fine too, as that's your prerogative. However, when judging a matter, it's best to have a broad perspective; this will give you more confidence in your criticism. But what I want to say in this article is that, in terms of form, there is really no such thing as "good" or "bad" in couples' dating, only what is suitable or unsuitable.

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Reprinted: The Advantages and Disadvantages of Different Forms of Couples' Online Friendships

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