My experience with sex addiction

page views:1 Publication date:2023-03-23

I'm 20 years old, a sophomore in college, and I have a mild sex addiction. I masturbate about once every 1-2 days.
I've been interested in sex since I was little. In kindergarten, I liked to show my butt to other kids, and I was often criticized by my parents and teachers for it.
In elementary school, when I was in second or third grade, we played a game called "Doctor's Playbook." Boys and girls paired up, one as the "patient" and the other as the "doctor." The "patient" had to take off their clothes so the "doctor" could "examine" them. The child playing the doctor could freely observe and touch the "patient's" body.
In fourth grade, one day I was home alone, idly playing with my genitals, and suddenly I discovered that my vagina would feel tingly and numb under certain stimulation. So I kept stimulating myself like that, and finally, a feeling I had never experienced before overwhelmed me, and I orgasmed. That was the beginning of my masturbation.
In middle school, as my body developed, my sex drive became stronger and stronger. Driven by this, I got my first boyfriend in the second year of middle school. He was in the same class as me, sat behind me, and was very outgoing and we got along very well. One evening after self-study, I called him to a secluded stairwell, confessed my feelings, and we started dating.
I could tell he didn't really like me; it was more out of childishness and lust. But I didn't care that much because what I wanted was sexual contact. He quickly started touching me inappropriately, kissing me, touching me through my clothes. Later, with my subtle seduction, he lifted my shirt, pulled down my pants, played with my breasts, sucked my nipples, inserted his fingers into my overflowing vagina, and then went at it wildly, bringing me to orgasm.
Our relationship broke down in our third year of junior high. He wanted to have sex with me, but I refused. Coupled with differences in values, preferences, and personalities, we broke up.
In high school, I learned exhibitionism.
It started by chance. One day, I went downstairs to listen to music and take a walk. Suddenly, I felt the urge to urinate, but there were no public restrooms nearby, and my home wasn't close. So I went to a corner of the underground parking garage of a nearby building to urinate.
Then I found it very exciting—a girl naked in public, yet no one saw her. After confirming that the surrounding environment was safe and under control, I boldly lifted my shirt, unhooked my bra, took it off and put it in my pocket, exposing my breasts; then I pulled my pants down to my knees and began to masturbate.
From then on, I started exhibitionism. My exhibitionism was relatively conservative, mainly in places where no one was around or where it was difficult to see, and I made sure that if someone approached, I could immediately notice and escape. For example, the top floor of a stairwell, an underground parking garage, an empty hallway or classroom, a pitch-black playground, or my home alone, etc.
But I also had my share of mishaps. For example, once, I was masturbating in a single shower stall at a swimming pool while showering with hot water. Suddenly, a little girl lifted the curtain to see if anyone was inside, which terrified me. Luckily, she was just a naive child.
In high school, I secretly bought a small vibrator on Taobao, which unlocked even more ways to play. Sometimes when I was home alone, I would insert it and turn it on to the lowest vibration setting, letting the slight pleasure accompany me as I studied.
Later, a "vibrator reading" trend went viral online, and I recorded a few videos myself wearing a mask and uploaded them. Viewers clearly didn't like me covering my face, but many still enjoyed my videos because I showed the entire process of my orgasm online, unlike some videos where the video ends just as the girl is about to climax.
It was around that time that I started doing faceless pornographic live streams and posting faceless pornographic photos and videos on some live streaming platforms. Perhaps because I wasn't good-looking enough, my popularity remained low. Later, those platforms were all shut down, and I stopped doing that.
During my senior year of high school, the academic pressure was immense, and I started dating another boy in my class who I was very close to. We did everything except sex. The day after the college entrance exam, we went to a hotel together and lost each other's virginity.
But later, I got tired of it and started to distance myself from him. Later, he got a new girlfriend, and I knew it was over.
Now I still engage in exhibitionism and still masturbate frequently. Don't misunderstand, I also long for a beautiful, genuine love that I can truly fall for, but unfortunately, I haven't found my true love yet. If I did, I would pursue it relentlessly.
【over】

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My experience with sex addiction

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