My Dream, My Love

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My Dream, My Love
After the long summer vacation before junior high ended, I officially entered high school. To my surprise, in the first Chinese class of the semester, our homeroom teacher assigned us a tired, overused essay topic—"My Dream." As

a child, I had all sorts of dreams: I once fantasized about being a pilot, soaring through the skies in a giant iron bird; I once fantasized about being a composer, writing captivating musical scores. But as I grew older, I began to realize that these so-called "dreams" were unattainable. In fact, dreams don't have to be fantastical; they can be simple and realistic. So, in my essay, I wrote about a more realistic dream—to find someone who loves me, marry them, have children, and live a peaceful, ordinary life.

However, even though my dream was so ordinary, because of my age, it always felt like it was a distant dream, a feeling that persisted until the spring of my first year of high school.

I love spring, for two reasons. Firstly, everything in spring brings comfort and tranquility: the sunshine treats all things kindly; the bright moon smiles upon the myriad aspects of life; the gentle breeze soothes physical fatigue; the light rain heals emotional wounds. But what truly makes me love spring isn't any of these reasons. The real reason is that I met Xing, the first man in my life, in this season of renewal.

It was a dark night with a light spring rain. I had just finished evening self-study, and the dim surroundings lacked sufficient streetlights. Without an umbrella, I was hesitant to go to the bus stop alone. So, I stood in front of the school gate waiting for my friend Lili.

Soon, Lili came out, accompanied by a tall boy. From their conversation, I learned that this boy was also Lili's friend and in the same class.

I'm naturally shy and only have a few close female friends. I don't like to strike up conversations with strangers, especially those of the opposite sex, and I don't know how to interact with them. So, the three of us walked together, but only the two of them could be heard talking.

"Xiaojun, I'm taking xx today, so I won't be going with you. I'm leaving now..." When the three of us reached the bus stop, Lili left us without waiting for a reply.

There was no exchange between us; the only sounds were the dripping rain and the noise, and the awkwardness made it hard to breathe. So, standing under the umbrella, I pretended to read my textbook slowly in the dim light, trying to avoid the awkward silence. To outsiders, it might seem strange that two people standing under the same umbrella didn't exchange a single word. In fact, we weren't close friends at all; we were more like strangers who happened to be sheltering from the rain together.

There weren't many seats on the bus, and he politely gave me the only one.

"By the way, do you know..." I don't quite remember his first words to me, only that he was talking about some embarrassing things his two friends had done that morning.

As he spoke, I looked up at him in the bright light of the bus. He wasn't handsome or fashionable, but I could tell from his conversation that he had an approachable personality and an optimistic attitude. I was even more surprised to find he was such a talkative boy.

In the short hour I spent with him, I found that my initial strong resistance and distance had vanished. Even when I couldn't answer his questions, he always managed to handle them easily, always finding new topics or simply "talking to himself."

From then on, I saw him every day after school. When the three of us reached the bus stop, Lili would excuse herself and leave, leaving me alone with him.

When we were alone, he could talk about anything, from studies to astronomy and geography, often turning things I usually ignored into jokes that made me laugh out loud.

Over time, our relationship gradually grew closer. The hour-long bus ride home was always a long wait, but with his company, the tedious journey became quite interesting, and the pressure and fatigue from studying were reduced somewhat. As time went by, I found myself unconsciously looking forward to the end of evening self-study every day.

Time flew by, and in the blink of an eye, it was spring of the second year. Xing was an excellent student, serving as both class monitor and vice president of the student council. He never complained about the student council duties or the pressure of choosing a class in the senior year. Whenever I had any difficulties, no matter how busy he was, he would always find time to help me. I was truly grateful to him. Xing gradually entered my life, and I gradually became dependent on him.

Day after day, our relationship grew closer, to the point where we could be considered best friends. He encouraged me, the shy girl, to step out of the classroom and interact with others. He changed my view of boys, making me less afraid of the opposite sex than before. And most importantly, being by his side gave me an unprecedented joy. However, there was one thing I was very unhappy about.

If I saw him chatting happily with other girls, I would feel anxious and depressed, as if I feared he would ignore me. At the time, I had no idea what was going on. I just hoped his conversation with the other girl would end quickly, or that he would focus his attention on me again.

One evening after self-study, Lili was absent due to illness. When I walked out of the classroom, I only saw Xing. That night, because the fluorescent lights were under repair, the corridors and stairwells were quite dark.

In the darkness, my eyesight wasn't very good, and I inevitably stumbled as I walked down the stairs, feeling unsafe even while holding onto the handrail. Just then, I vaguely saw a hand reaching towards me. When I turned around, I saw it was Xing's hand beside me.

Faced with his action, I was a little flustered, hesitating whether to touch him. Suddenly, a classmate walking behind me perhaps accidentally touched me, causing me to immediately lose my balance and fall forward. As I lunged forward, instinctively, I took his outstretched hand.

I thought to myself: a boy's hand can be so soft; a boy's hand can be so warm; a boy's hand can feel so safe. My heart suddenly raced, pounding like a deer's. The tangible touch he gave me dispelled my fear of the darkness. Our fingers intertwined like conjoined twins, we felt no resistance, and naturally walked down the stairs, through the corridor, out of the school gate, to the familiar bus stop.

This time, I felt differently than usual; my emotions had subtly shifted.

"Xiaojun, can we...be together?" He didn't let go, but instead gripped my hand tighter. This unexpected confession left me flustered. Shyness rendered me speechless, and I dared not look him in the eye.

"I've noticed you since the beginning of high school. You're different from other girls; you don't have any bad habits, you're not spoiled, you're kind-hearted, and you always see things through to the end when someone asks you for a favor… You're not like those girls who spend their days chasing stars and going out at night; you're diligent, studious, and ambitious. These are the reasons I like you… If possible, could you give me the chance to take care of you for the rest of my life?"

I can't remember my exact reaction or expression at the time, only that I was secretly amused by his fabricated descriptions of my good qualities, while a sweet feeling welled up inside me. I didn't know how to respond to his declaration of love. Facing the one I liked, I just nodded repeatedly to show my decision.

After we established our relationship, he never let go of my hand in the car, and of course, I enjoyed the intimate contact we had for that hour. I nestled in his arm, close to his chest, and feelings of comfort, security, and happiness welled up inside me. I reluctantly let go of his hand just before getting off the bus.

That night, lying in bed, I couldn't help but chuckle to myself, my hands mimicking the hour-long intimacy after school, savoring the feeling of holding hands for the first time with someone I liked.

"I'll take care of you for the rest of my life." A simple promise, even to my underage self, seemed like a fantasy. Yet, people sometimes do contradictory things, preferring to believe in a hope they know is unrealistic. Women, in particular, often cling to romantic fantasies.

I closed my eyes, but his every move, every smile, still lingered in my mind. I'd heard people say that when you like someone, you'll always be preoccupied with them. I couldn't help but ask myself: Is this what love is...?

Senior year of high school was the busiest year of my life, and one of the most important turning points in my life. Knowing that my family and I might be immigrating to the UK, and because I loved learning foreign languages, I decisively enrolled in an English program. Seeing the world abroad is something everyone envies, but my heart remained here. I couldn't leave this relationship I was so devoted to, and I couldn't leave him, whom I had finally won over.

Xing once told me his favorite subject was physics, but he ended up choosing English, the same subject as me. I was genuinely happy to be in the same class as him. However, I didn't want him to give up his dreams for me, so I bluntly told him, "I don't like guys who give up their dreams," trying to persuade him to change his mind. He smiled and said, "You are my everything, your dreams are my dreams."

I was deeply moved when I heard that, and I knew that no matter how much I tried to persuade him, he wouldn't change his mind, so I had to accept his kindness. Of course, he did give me a lot of help and motivation in my studies; he was also my pillar of support in life. In the end, I successfully entered a foreign language university, while he, who usually had top grades, failed the college entrance exam due to a problem with his performance.

Like my junior high summer vacation, my senior year of high school summer vacation was free of summer homework, allowing me to play as I pleased. This period was, at the time, the happiest time of my life. Parks, theaters, and other entertainment venues were my and Xing's favorite haunts. We took photos everywhere we went, capturing beautiful memories.

I clearly remember the day before summer vacation ended. In the morning, he bought two rings from a roadside stall.

In a shady spot, he knelt down, saying "Marry me," and slipped the ring onto my right ring finger, wearing the other ring himself. Despite the somewhat secluded location, quite a few people saw his inappropriate behavior. I frantically said, "No, someone will see," but deep down I knew I was enjoying this tender and loving confession.

That evening, we strolled hand-in-hand in a dimly lit park. Soft music drifted from the nearby street, and several couples were whispering sweet nothings; the atmosphere seemed tailor-made for us. As we walked, we reached the pavilion and sat down inside. I nestled on his shoulder, reminiscing about the past two short years we'd spent together, sharing many stories of daily life and our deepest feelings. On this last night, I experienced my first kiss.

Our chests pressed together; our hands intertwined; our arms embraced. I could feel my heart racing and my lover's rapid breaths. Perhaps because it was our first time, our awkward movements were very clumsy, and we experienced several embarrassing moments. Even so, I still loved the caresses of our lips, the lingering kisses of our tongues, and the physical contact—after all, it was an expression of love from both of us.

A few days later, the immigration office sent us a letter saying we could go to the embassy for an interview. What came to mind wasn't the life abroad I had longed for, but rather Xing's image.

To stay here, I argued with my parents many times, said hurtful things, and even considered leaving with Xing several times. However, in the end, Xing comforted me and persuaded me to stay. He said, "Life and future prospects abroad will be much better than in this chaotic country." But I really couldn't let go of the friends I made here, and more importantly, I couldn't let go of the deep bond I shared with him.

Since I went to university and Xing has been working for some time, we've seen each other less and less. I thought: after all, we each have our own paths to follow. For the sake of our future, and to prove to my parents my love for Xing, I must grit my teeth and move forward fearlessly, just like Xing helped me when I was on the dark staircase. But I gradually realized that as time went on, he seemed to be intentionally avoiding me, even hiding something from me.

It was precisely because of my naturally introverted personality that I developed a keen intuition. Before, I was always the one buying him household items. But now, items like phone straps and the dolls hanging from his bags feel completely foreign to me. Whenever I ask whose taste they were, he only replies that he bought them himself. What worries me most is that I also found a box containing couple's bracelets in his home. When I saw those bracelets again, they were on Xing's wound. My heart ached because the other bracelet didn't belong to me.

After some time, the once approachable man gradually became a different person. Sometimes he would fly into a rage over the smallest things, though he would apologize and try to appease me afterwards. However, sometimes I couldn't find him for days, and even when I did, his face no longer held any smile, but instead looked haggard and distracted. He began to ignore my concern and well-being, and became indifferent to my problems.

In short, Xing was no longer the man I used to know.

Perhaps these changes were due to the aftereffects of failing the college entrance exam, or perhaps they were due to the pressure of working in society. But no matter what, I pressed him repeatedly for the reason for this sudden change. He either brushed me off or became irritable, and then disappeared from my sight in less than two or three minutes.

As his partner, even when he lashed out at me, I endured it. I remembered what he had done for me, what he had taught me; I remembered that night when he became my guiding light, my teacher. I couldn't be indifferent to him because of this. And just as I would, no matter how much I suffered, I would persevere to bring him back to who he was before. I often looked at the ring he gave me during the summer after my senior year of high school, always believing that this was just a temporary cloud, and that when the clouds cleared, I would see the sun shining brightly again, just like before.

But after the cloud, will it always be sunny, or will it be windy and rainy? Rain is both the source of all things and the end of everything.

I remember that day was the rainy season in the sweltering summer; after the scorching sun, the ground was so hot that mirages appeared. It was Saturday, my school was closed, and I knew Xing was free. I was planning to ask him to meet me, but then I received a text message from Lili—she'd been dumped by her boyfriend and forced to have an abortion, but she didn't want her family to know and didn't have enough money.

I knew Xing was resting at home today, so I texted him, explaining the situation and even giving him Lili's hospital address, hoping he could help. To my surprise, he didn't reply.

When I arrived at the hospital, I paid Lili's bill and saw her pale, haggard face, staring blankly at her phone, waiting for her boyfriend's reply. But he never appeared in her sight, not even a text message of concern.

I'd met Lili's boyfriend before. He was a typical rich third-generation heir, reeking of money, so my first impression of him was very bad. I admit, compared to Xing, he was indeed more handsome and better dressed. However, I believe beauty shouldn't only exist on the outside; true beauty lies within.

I remember how he tried every trick in the book to win Lili's heart, squandering the money he received from his elders. After Lili became his girlfriend, his initial attentiveness vanished completely. His shift from hot and cold to complete indifference happened in just a few months, an attitude that I, as an outsider, found utterly despicable. Recently, Lili even suspected him of having an affair… Now, Lili has had an abortion, and he hasn't been there for her as her boyfriend, not even a phone call to check on her, let alone offered to pay for the abortion.

People often say, "Handsome men have no conscience." But to me, "Rich and handsome men not only lack conscience, but also have no sense of responsibility."

I stood by Lili's side, holding her heartbroken body, and asked myself: Men are always so submissive before they get a woman, but do they become so heartless after winning her heart? Is this the true nature of men? Why is it always women who get hurt?

After taking Lili home, the blazing sun was now obscured by dark clouds, and the once sweltering streets

suddenly felt much cooler. Xing's coldness today sent a chill down my spine: did Xing's change in attitude towards me over the past year mean he was tired of me? Did he really have a third party on the side, just like Lili's boyfriend?

Suddenly, Lili's suspicions about her boyfriend reminded me of the various clues I'd found among Xing's belongings. The more I thought about it, the more uneasy I felt. So I sent Xing another text message, asking why he hadn't come and where he was. He replied, "I'm not feeling well.

I'm a little worried about Xing at home." So I texted him back and headed to his house. The weather was starting to get worse, with occasional winds and thunder, just like my restless emotions.

Full of worry, I arrived at his building, only to see the thing I least wanted to see, the thing that would break my heart. A girl was intimately holding Xing's arm with her right hand, and Xing was walking very close to the girl. If anyone else saw this, they would really think they were a perfect couple. Afraid they would see me, I hid in a building and only dared to show myself after they all went into their apartments.

"Right, why do I have to be so secretive even though I'm his girlfriend? Maybe there's something going on between them, maybe it's not the kind of relationship I imagine. If they're not like that, then why are they so intimate?

What does this have to do with Xing's change of heart?" My mind was filled with all sorts of questions and contradictions, but only he could answer them.

It had started to rain, and the thunder grew louder with the rain.

He lived on the top floor. With each step I took up the stairs, my heart felt like it was being struck hard by a hammer. When I reached his door, I stopped myself from knocking. I couldn't imagine what would happen when the door opened, nor could I imagine how I should react if I saw my boyfriend cheating.

"What's meant to happen will happen." After waiting a while, I gently pressed the doorbell. An unprecedented tension filled the air around me.

The bell rang for a long time before the door finally opened. A girl with flowing hair stood in the doorway. I recognized her as the girl who had been intimate with Xing downstairs earlier, only now she was dressed differently.

She wore a white tank top and light green hot pants. Her bright eyes darted around, her fair and rosy skin was exposed to the air, and her graceful figure was on full display. She exuded the scent of fabric softener and soap. A woman like that would make any man's heart flutter, and even women would feel envious.

However, she gave me a sense of déjà vu, but I couldn't remember where I had seen her before.

"Hello, who are you looking for?" A pleasant voice came from her lips, and a sweet smile graced her delicate face. Her tone was gentle, and overall, she didn't make the visitor feel displeased at all; she was a very polite girl. But to me, that short question was like announcing she was the mistress of the house, a sharp, invisible sword piercing my heart.

"Sisi, what's wrong?" I clearly saw that the person hugging the girl from behind was none other than Xing, the man I deeply loved. When he saw me, a look of surprise crossed his face. Looking at the two of them more closely, I noticed they were wearing matching couple bracelets. When the

three of us faced each other, for a few seconds, almost everything seemed to freeze. If it weren't for the rain and thunder outside, I would have thought time itself had stopped. Those few seconds, which should have been brief, felt incredibly long, and it was the darkest moment of my life.

When I recovered from my shock, I saw him walking towards me. In response to his ruthlessness, I didn't hesitate to leave a bright red handprint on his face. The crisp sound echoed in the space where only the three of us were, a testament to my actions. When I got downstairs, I found myself caught in a torrential downpour.

Thinking of how the relationship I had nurtured over the years had been completely destroyed, I could no longer suppress the pain and anger in my heart. I desperately wanted to leave this place of heartbreak, so no matter how heavy the rain or how strong the wind, nothing could stop me. Without a word, I rushed into the downpour. I let the rain lash my skin; I let the fierce wind assault my body. Perhaps passersby would have thought I was a complete fool standing in the rain. But thanks to this downpour, the tear tracks on my face were covered, preventing me from losing face in front of others. It also felt like the heavens were taking pity on me, weeping endlessly.

After returning home, I fell seriously ill from the heat of summer and the rain, and was mostly in a daze. Even in my drowsy state, I only vaguely remembered my parents' tireless efforts to help me, their day and night companionship, care, and protection. When I woke up, I deeply regretted turning against my parents and even speaking harshly to them for a man who might no longer love me. However, I finally understood that no matter how I treated them, they would always treat me the same. No matter what I became, they would always be the only people in the world who would never abandon me.

After recovering, I learned how to be filial to my parents and destroyed the ring Xing had given me and the photos of us together—destroying these deceptive things. I vowed from the bottom of my heart to completely forget this person and sever all ties with him.

That year, at eighteen, I immigrated to London, England with my parents before the immigration deadline. In this unfamiliar city, I was incredibly curious about everything. The citizens lived a leisurely life unlike anything I'd experienced back home;

the streets were clean and tidy; even the sky above the city was filled with blue skies and white clouds unlike anything I'd seen back home. In short, everything I saw was vastly different from what I'd seen in China.

One thing in particular left a deep impression on me. Gone were the groups of beggars begging on the streets; instead,

self-reliant artists—clowns with puppets, street dancers, and even violinists

were everywhere.

Initially, I could say I had a language barrier, but I quickly adapted to life in London.

From the moment of our breakup, Xing taught me something invaluable—women must learn to be strong, to survive and thrive even without relying on men. So I studied hard and finally earned a bachelor's degree in finance from a good local university. All of this took only three or four years.

After graduation, I officially entered the workforce. I always thought everything was different from back home, but there was one thing that remained constant everywhere—the sluggish economy. Moreover, I had far underestimated the real and cruel side of society. After encountering setbacks everywhere, I realized the importance of interpersonal relationships and experienced the full spectrum of human nature's warmth and coldness.

Every day, the doors of every financial company became my unavoidable passage. At home, even while standing, eating, drinking, or dreaming, I was thinking about work. But the difficulty of finding a job far exceeded my capacity. Most of my resumes disappeared without a trace, and even those I was lucky enough to receive interview invitations only ended up with a "waiting for news" message. But

the bitter days would eventually pass. Heaven rewards the diligent; I found a clerical job at a small financial company. Although the salary wasn't ideal, considering the colleagues, environment, and benefits, it was acceptable. At least, it was a good place to hone my skills and gain experience.

Even though it was a small job, only after work could I truly have my own private time and space.

Perhaps it's because I'm getting older and starting to appreciate things I used to overlook.

Whenever I sit on the upper deck of a double-decker bus and look out the window, it feels like I'm touring this world-famous city. The originally dim night was dazzlingly illuminated by neon lights, making even the London Bridge and the Thames River take on a unique charm at night. Pedestrians weren't rushing home; instead, they lingered in various restaurants and shops. People with cameras were everywhere; I couldn't distinguish locals from tourists. The only

regret was that, no matter how dazzling the scenery, there was no one beside me to share it, to confide in, or to hold hands with—a truly unfortunate situation.

Due to an unpleasant relationship with Xing, coupled with recalling Lili's boyfriend's behavior, I seemed to have reverted to my old self, disliking and even keeping my distance from the opposite sex.

Apart from my father, I treated other men politely, but also maintained a "safe" distance, trying to prevent them from having any opportunities. Later, I also discovered that many male colleagues had begun to distance themselves from me, and some were even ostracizing me. I know this might be due to my poor interpersonal skills, but I don't mind, or perhaps this is exactly the effect I wanted.

Even so, at my workplace, I can still sense the goodwill of a younger British man. Although I desperately want to completely sever the unpleasant memories and ties between myself and Xing, the hurt he caused me is like a red-hot iron, leaving an indelible mark on my heart. Coupled with perhaps cultural differences, I dislike the free-spirited nature of British men, so to prevent him from having any further fantasies about me, I decisively rejected him. While tidying up

one day, I inadvertently found an essay I wrote in high school and reread it carefully, thinking: Is the dream of finding someone who deeply loves me as unattainable as being a pilot or a musician? I once thought that because of my emotional wounds, I would never have any relationship with any man again, until I met the second man in my life—Wei.

He's the owner of a restaurant near our company. I usually eat there at noon. The restaurant's decor and furnishings were in a traditional British style; the space was spacious and spotless, and the food was not only delicious but also diverse. Sitting by the window, you could see different "artists"

performing on the street every day. Of course, lunch here consisted of typical British snacks. Although I've been in England for several years, I've been eating fruit salad and fried chicken burgers here, no longer the porridge, noodles, and rice I'm familiar with.

Like Wei and Xing, he was an approachable and very talkative person, and his conversation was witty and humorous.

I couldn't treat him like other men, because he wasn't frivolous or unruly. From his conversation, I knew he was only seven years older than me, yet possessed profound knowledge and rich experience, as well as lofty ambitions and life goals, and he also knew how to understand others' psychology.

I once told him that even when I'm abroad, even just once, I long to taste the snacks from back home.

I don't know if he deduced my homesickness from our conversation, nor why he took my jokes so seriously. Unexpectedly, a few days later, at lunchtime in his restaurant, after ordering, he actually served me a plate of my favorite, fragrant and piping hot braised pork knuckle. Eating

braised pork knuckle in a traditional British restaurant might seem strange, but it was this dish that allowed me to experience the taste of home again in a foreign land. After that, every time I went to his restaurant, he would serve me a different kind of Chinese dish, each one meticulously prepared in both presentation and taste. Not

only that, but to keep me awake, he would also serve me a cup of strong coffee.

Before long, he became my first true male friend in England. Only then could I truly understand him. Wei was born and raised in England, only returning to China a few times for ancestral worship, and didn't know much about Chinese culture.

However, because his father owned several large Chinese restaurants, Wei had been able to cook authentic Chinese food since childhood. As for this English restaurant, it was a small business my father started with. Although he spoke fluent Mandarin, he didn't understand Chinese history and culture. As a result, he would always talk to me about it during lunchtime.

Tall and handsome Wei was also stylishly dressed, clearly the prince charming in the hearts of many women.

The office ladies dining in his restaurant included both Asians and locals, each more beautiful and charming than me. As for me, I had neither a beautiful face nor wore makeup, and my long-term reading had made my bulky glasses a part of me. However, I could sense that he treated me differently from other women. Even

without relying on keen intuition, everyone could easily feel that Wei's enthusiasm for me was not innocent. If it were me in the past, my heart would probably have already been conquered by him. But my relationship with Xing taught me that no matter what the other person did to me, I couldn't easily trust a man, after all, the beginning of a relationship always carries the possibility of failure. I didn't want my already cracked heart to be hurt again and shattered. However, I couldn't ignore everything he had done to me.

If my colleague hadn't told me, I would have had no idea that he had worked day and night to introduce me to many financial experts for my job; if the real estate agent hadn't told me, I would have had no idea that he had used his connections to reserve an affordable luxury apartment for me; if my parents hadn't told me, I would have had no idea that he had stayed by my bedside when I was sick, bringing me water and medicine…

Because of the failure of my first love, I had buried my heart deep inside, covered by an unyielding iceberg. Unexpectedly, he transformed into a warm sun, slowly healing the scars in my heart. At the same time, he became the second guiding light in my life, illuminating a bright path for me living in the shadows of the past, and finally helping me forget Xing. Not long after, we became boyfriend and girlfriend. After we became a couple, he didn't treat me like Xing had; instead, he treated me even better and cared for me more…

I had asked Wei many times: why, with so many beautiful women around him, did he ultimately choose someone as ordinary as me? He would always hug me and say gently, "What I love about you is your authenticity, your purity.

In the time I've spent with you, I've discovered you don't covet my money, you don't dress up extravagantly just to be near me, and you don't fawn over me. Compared to them, you possess a rare strength and resilience in women."

Several years passed in the blink of an eye. Christmas in England is much like Chinese New Year; the streets are brightly lit and incredibly lively. The snowy weather adds to the festive atmosphere. Although we both wore gloves, we would sometimes take them off and put our hands in the same pocket to warm them. But this year was different. As soon as I reached the Christmas tree, I put my hand in and touched something. When I took it out, I realized it was a small gift box.

"Will you marry me?" Before I could react, he had already opened the small gift box in my hand, taken out a diamond ring, and knelt before me, loudly proclaiming it to me in fluent English.

People always love a spectacle; seeing someone propose to their beloved in the street, they naturally try harder to persuade them: "Marry him... marry him..."

Unlike Xing's playful approach, Wei's eyes told me he wasn't joking, but earnestly awaiting my answer. At that moment, I was both nervous and excited, as if I were back to the first time Xing held my hand. I was so moved that my glasses even welled up with tears; I couldn't express it in words, only nod in acknowledgment.

Walking into the church that day felt like yesterday; I clearly remember the envious glances from family and friends as we, the newlyweds, were joined in marriage. Simple words like "happiness" and "joy" were insufficient to describe my feelings at that moment. Especially when we shared a deep kiss before Jesus Christ and the crowd, the fluttering of our hearts was even more intense. Love was stronger than ever before.

Dating is a matter between two people; marriage, however, involves a group of people. I thought Wei's parents would definitely think I was the kind of woman who wanted to climb the social ladder, and I thought they would look down on me because of my poor family background, or deliberately make things difficult for me. But they didn't actually do that. On the contrary, whether dating or married, they treated me like Wei's precious daughter, which made me feel incredibly flattered.

The second night after the wedding, I knew what was coming was bound to happen. That was Wei's first request of me.

When my husband and I sat on the bed, I couldn't calm down for a long time; my heart was pounding like a little kangaroo. I understand that couples should be honest with each other in their intimate moments, but after we both removed the last piece of clothing from our bodies, I still shyly covered my most sensitive areas with my hands, my eyes avoiding his naked body and turning away.

He gently stroked my skin to calm me down. My initial tension gradually eased, and my hands, which had been resting defensively on my chest, relaxed, revealing my final secret to him. When he drew near my face, I could clearly feel his breath; when he embraced me, I could clearly feel his accelerated heartbeat; when he kissed my lips, I could clearly feel his soft touch.

When he pressed his body against mine, I felt as if my insides were being torn apart, a burning and painful sensation. To be honest, I disliked the insertion of foreign objects into my body, and I disliked the uncomfortable pain that came with it. However, because I clearly understood that this pain was Wei's love for me, and that it was a normal part of married life and a way of maintaining a relationship, I was willing to try to accept it, even to enjoy it.

Time flew by, and this year of marriage marked my twelfth year in England. Looking back on my time with Wei, he has been my friend in my sorrows, my family when I confided in him, my partner in my life, and my comrade-in-arms in my struggles.

Because of him, I was able to escape the gloom of the past; because of him, my life has always been very happy and fulfilling. I once thought that Wei was the only man in my life besides my father who was good to me, and that was the end of that thought.

A week after the wedding, Wei and I decided to go back to China to visit our family and have another wedding banquet. Before leaving, Lili told me through online chat that there was a high school reunion and hoped that I could attend when I returned to China.

On the night of the reunion, Wei drove a friend's car to take me to the hotel where the gathering was being held. When I walked into the hotel room, even though more than ten years had passed, my classmates from those years hadn't changed much. I was happy to see all the familiar figures from high school again. I knew that I was not very talkative in high school, and the only people I could really talk to were a few female friends, Lili, and Wei.

Perhaps out of curiosity, after exchanging pleasantries with Lili, I looked around but couldn't find Xing.

I thought to myself: He must be too shy to show up in front of me. Suddenly, a woman appeared before me.

"Are you Xiaoyun? I'm Sisi. Maybe it's because I've been looking at your photos, but I still remember what you look like. Can we chat for a bit?" I looked the familiar woman up and down, but couldn't quite place her.

"I am Xiaoyun, but I'm sorry, I really can't remember who you are."

"It's okay if you don't remember me. If I'm not mistaken, this is our second official meeting.

Do you remember Xing?" She paused to let me recall.

"What I want to say is about Xing..." I immediately stopped her from continuing. Although twelve years had passed, I had finally managed to find a way out of the shadows of the past, and I didn't want to relive that unbearable memory.

"If you're going to talk about him, then don't. Why should I listen to someone who doesn't even dare to come and has to ask others to speak for him?"

Just as I was about to leave, my wrist was grabbed, and the person who grabbed it was none other than Lili.

"It's not that he didn't want to come, it's that he simply couldn't. He originally told me not to tell you, but I felt that not telling you wouldn't be fair to either of us..." Sisi's eyes welled with tears as she said this. Lili seemed to know the whole story and tried to persuade me to stay. I was initially reluctant, but I understood that people don't cry unless they're truly heartbroken. In the end, I was convinced by Sisi's tears. Then, the three of us left the hotel and sat down in a relatively quiet park nearby…

“You might think of Xing as someone who deceived your feelings. But do you know that there was a reason he did it? Actually, I was never his lover. I was just his next-door neighbor, a year younger than you. We grew up together, like siblings. You probably didn’t recognize me before because after he met you, he told me to keep a certain distance from him…” Hearing this, I remembered why I felt a sense of familiarity when I first met her.

“He thought he and you would definitely have a good relationship. But things didn’t go well. In his second year of high school, he had a severe headache, and I happened to be by his side, so I accompanied him to the hospital. They found out he had a tumor in his brain, but it was a bit unusual; by the time it was discovered, it was already very serious. Because this illness meant he didn’t have much time left, he chose to take the English class you were taking, so he could be closer to you. At the same time, the tumor also caused him, who usually had excellent grades, to falter in his college entrance exams.”

"Since he had this illness, why didn't he tell me?" I couldn't help but ask.

"He didn't tell anyone except his family, especially not you. He said he absolutely couldn't let you be sad. After graduating from high school, his illness worsened, and his family spent all their savings on it. To ease the burden on his family, he secretly worked odd jobs. Even small jobs were better than being at home, and it inevitably aggravated his condition." At that moment, I finally understood why we saw each other less and less back then, and why he looked so haggard after only a few days together.

"He knew you were a sensitive person, and he knew you couldn't let go of him. He said he didn't want you to be trapped in this hopeless cage for a dying man, ruining your life. You should go abroad and see the world. So, he discussed with me the possibility of me playing the role of his mistress, trying to drive you away. He knew you had been to his house, so he deliberately placed some couple's accessories in prominent places so you would see them. But he knew you were a bit shy and wouldn't ask him about details most of the time. Of course, he would also tell me to be available anytime..."

"Do you remember the day we broke up?"

"I remember. Even though so many years have passed, I still can't erase the memory of that day."

"Good that you remember. We were originally planning to go to the hospital for a follow-up appointment, but when we came back, we unexpectedly saw you tiptoeing around downstairs. He was already in poor health, and I happened to be next to him. Maybe he felt that this was an opportunity given to him by God, so he made up his mind to make you break up with him. He pressed himself against me and then walked up to you, hoping you would misunderstand. We thought you would come up and confront us, but you didn't. Anyway, it didn't matter, you still came up and witnessed 'everything' in the end."

For some reason, from her tone, I always felt that her relationship with Xing was not just that of childhood sweethearts and neighbors, nor was it as simple as that of a younger sister and older brother.

"After you went to England, he would always take out photos of you and me, always playing with a ring, sometimes even holding it in his palm. I don't know what special meaning that ring held, but I know he would always show a rare smile whenever he played with it. He passed away a year after you went to England. On his deathbed, he told me that his only regret in life was that he couldn't keep the promise he made when he confessed his love, and he felt very ashamed that he couldn't take care of you for the rest of his life. He also said that he would watch over you from heaven after he died, hoping that you could find someone you deeply love, and that that man could take Xing's place in taking care of you..."

Hearing this, my tears flowed uncontrollably. Sisi gave me the photos that Xing had kept so well and his ring. Thinking back, I seemed to understand why he was so eager to kneel down and "propose" to me during the summer vacation before my senior year of high school, and I also understood why he would get angry with me for no reason. In the end, I couldn't contain my emotions and burst into tears while holding his belongings.

The banquet ended at 11 PM, and Wei picked me up as scheduled. I didn't want Wei to notice anything unusual about me, but perhaps I couldn't control my emotions, and he still saw me sobbing.

"What happened? Did someone bully you?"

"No...no, no one bullied me, I...I just feel like crying, I don't want to...don't want to talk..."

It was a perfectly reasonable question, but now, sitting in the car, I stammered, unable to answer him, only tears streaming down my face.

Wei had never forced me to do anything I didn't like, and this time was no exception. He didn't press me for details. He simply held me in his arms, comforting me with words.

"Although I don't know what happened, now in this car, it's just the two of us. Don't hold back, cry out loud, my shoulder is always at your service." Hearing his words, I could no longer control my emotions, and my piercing sobs immediately echoed in the car. Wei didn't say anything more, nor did he let go of me because of my crying. Instead, he held me tightly in his arms, waiting for me to finish expressing my grief.

"I really don't know what to say, I'm sorry..." A few minutes later, I regained consciousness. When I placed my hand on his shirt, it was soaked.

"Of course I want to know why you're crying, but I think even the most loving couples have some secrets they can't talk about, so there's no need to apologize. If you feel uncomfortable, you don't have to say it. I won't force you. Only when you feel you can tell me will I be your willing listener." Wei didn't blame me; instead, he comforted me, making me feel ashamed and embarrassed.

"I can tell you, but don't be angry after you hear it, and it's a bit long. Do you really want to hear it?"

"Silly girl, didn't I say I'd listen attentively as long as you're willing to talk?" He nodded, and I began to tell you the long story of Xing and me, from our first meeting to our falling in love.

While I was telling him my story, we had both returned home, washed up, and sat on our bed. When tears welled up in my eyes, he comforted me. Occasionally, he would discuss or ask questions about what I had said, but he never showed any displeasure; instead, he listened with great interest. After I had told him my entire story, I asked if he was angry. He hugged me tightly.

"Not only am I not angry with him, but I'm also grateful to him."

"Grateful to him? Why?" I was utterly bewildered by his words.

"Without him, there would be no you; without him, we wouldn't have met;

without him, I wouldn't have had the chance to love you for a lifetime. So, he is both your benefactor and my benefactor. Who in this world would be angry with their benefactor, right?"

Hearing these words, I felt a deep sense of admiration for Wei. I know a man cannot tolerate his wife having feelings for another man. But how much courage does a man have to say such things? How broad is his heart? And how many people in the world can truly do that?

The following spring, heaven bestowed upon me the third man in my life—my baby with Wei.

Both my parents and Wei's parents were overjoyed. Wei even suspended the restaurant's operations for a few days to stay by my side during the early stages of my postpartum confinement.

Traditionally, the child's Chinese name should be chosen by the grandfather. Perhaps due to his decades of living in England and being deeply influenced by Western culture, my father-in-law ultimately decided that Wei and I should decide the name together. Wei unhesitatingly entrusted the responsibility of naming the child to me.

"Is it really okay for me to decide the baby's name?" I asked.

"It's alright, the child already shares my surname, right? The name should be chosen by the mother."

As a result, because of Wei's understanding, I named the child Nian'en. The four elders praised it, but they didn't know the origin of the name. This origin became a little secret between Wei and me.

Heaven didn't bestow upon me a beautiful face, a graceful figure, or any extraordinary talents.

I am just an ordinary woman. However, within this ordinariness, I received extraordinary treatment. It bestowed upon me an unforgettable first love and a happy family. Especially Xing and Wei, receiving their selfless true love is my greatest dream, and I have no regrets in this life.

Some might think, aren't these all perfectly normal things? But, I ask you, how many women in this world have experienced what Lili has, and how many women can truly understand true love?

(The End)

After the long summer vacation before junior high school ended, I officially entered high school. To my surprise, in the first Chinese class of the semester, our homeroom teacher assigned us a very old-fashioned essay topic—"My Dream."

As a child, I had all sorts of dreams: I once fantasized about being a pilot, flying giant iron birds through the sky; I once fantasized about being a composer, writing captivating musical scores. But as I grew older, I began to realize that these so-called "dreams" were unattainable. In fact, dreams don't have to be fantastical; they can also be simple and realistic. So, in my essay, I wrote down a more realistic dream—that I could find someone who loves me, marry him, have children, and live a peaceful and ordinary life.

However, even though my dream was so ordinary, it always felt like it was a distant dream because of my age, and this feeling lasted until the spring of the second semester of my first year of high school.

I love spring for two reasons. First, everything in spring brings comfort and tranquility: the sunshine treats all things kindly; the bright moon observes the myriad aspects of life with a smile; the gentle breeze relieves physical fatigue; the light rain heals wounds of the soul. But what truly makes me love spring isn't the above reasons. The real reason is that I met Xing, the first man in my life, in this season of new beginnings.

It was a dark night with a light spring rain. I had just finished evening self-study, and the surroundings were dimly lit with few streetlights. Without an umbrella, I was afraid to go to the bus stop alone. So, I stood in front of the school gate waiting for my friend Lili.

Before long, Lili came out, accompanied by a tall boy. From their conversation, I learned that this boy was also Lili's friend and in the same class as her.

I'm naturally a shy person, with only a few close female friends. If there are strangers around, especially of the opposite sex, I don't like to strike up conversations or know how to interact with them. So the three of us walked together, but only the two of them could be heard talking.

"Xiaojun, I'm taking xx today, so I won't stay with you, I'm leaving first..." When the three of us reached the bus stop, without waiting for my reply, Lili left us behind and walked away.

There was no exchange between us, only the sound of dripping water and noise in the air, and the sense of unfamiliarity made me feel suffocated. So, standing under the umbrella, I pretended to read slowly with my textbook in the dim light, trying to avoid the awkward silence between us. Perhaps to outsiders, it was very strange that two people standing under the same umbrella didn't exchange a single word. In fact, we weren't close friends at all, more like strangers who happened to be standing together to avoid the rain.

There weren't many seats on the bus, and he politely gave me the only one.

"By the way, do you know..." I don't quite remember the first thing he said to me, but I vaguely remember that he was talking about some embarrassing things his two friends had done that morning.

As he spoke, I looked up at him in the bright light inside the bus. He wasn't handsome or fashionable, but I could tell from his conversation that he had an approachable personality and an optimistic attitude. I was even more surprised to find he was such a talkative boy.

In the short hour I spent with him, I found that my initial strong resistance and distance had vanished. Even when I couldn't answer his questions, he always managed to handle them easily, always finding new topics or simply "talking to himself."

From then on, I saw him every day after school. When the three of us reached the bus stop, Lili would excuse herself and leave, leaving me alone with him.

When we were alone, he could talk about anything, from studies to astronomy and geography, often turning things I usually ignored into jokes that made me laugh out loud.

Over time, our relationship gradually grew closer. The hour-long bus ride home was always a long wait, but with his company, the tedious journey became quite interesting, and the pressure and fatigue from studying were reduced somewhat. As time went by, I found myself unconsciously looking forward to the end of evening self-study every day.

Time flew by, and in the blink of an eye, it was spring of the second year. Xing was an excellent student, serving as both class monitor and vice president of the student council. He never complained about the student council duties or the pressure of choosing a class in the senior year. Whenever I had any difficulties, no matter how busy he was, he would always find time to help me. I was truly grateful to him. Xing gradually entered my life, and I gradually became dependent on him.

Day after day, our relationship grew closer, to the point where we could be considered best friends. He encouraged me, the shy girl, to step out of the classroom and interact with others. He changed my view of boys, making me less afraid of the opposite sex than before. And most importantly, being by his side gave me an unprecedented joy. However, there was one thing I was very unhappy about.

If I saw him chatting happily with other girls, I would feel anxious and depressed, as if I feared he would ignore me. At the time, I had no idea what was going on. I just hoped his conversation with the other girl would end quickly, or that he would focus his attention on me again.

One evening after self-study, Lili was absent due to illness. When I walked out of the classroom, I only saw Xing. That night, because the fluorescent lights were under repair, the corridors and stairwells were quite dark.

In the darkness, my eyesight wasn't very good, and I inevitably stumbled as I walked down the stairs, feeling unsafe even while holding onto the handrail. Just then, I vaguely saw a hand reaching towards me. When I turned around, I saw it was Xing's hand beside me.

Faced with his action, I was a little flustered, hesitating whether to touch him. Suddenly, a classmate walking behind me perhaps accidentally touched me, causing me to immediately lose my balance and fall forward. As I lunged forward, instinctively, I took his outstretched hand.

I thought to myself: a boy's hand can be so soft; a boy's hand can be so warm; a boy's hand can feel so safe. My heart suddenly raced, pounding like a deer's. The tangible touch he gave me dispelled my fear of the darkness. Our fingers intertwined like conjoined twins, we felt no resistance, and naturally walked down the stairs, through the corridor, out of the school gate, to the familiar bus stop.

This time, I felt differently than usual; my emotions had subtly shifted.

"Xiaojun, can we...be together?" He didn't let go, but instead gripped my hand tighter. This unexpected confession left me flustered. Shyness rendered me speechless, and I dared not look him in the eye.

"I've noticed you since the beginning of high school. You're different from other girls; you don't have any bad habits, you're not spoiled, you're kind-hearted, and you always see things through to the end when someone asks you for a favor… You're not like those girls who spend their days chasing stars and going out at night; you're diligent, studious, and ambitious. These are the reasons I like you… If possible, could you give me the chance to take care of you for the rest of my life?"

I can't remember my exact reaction or expression at the time, only that I was secretly amused by his fabricated descriptions of my good qualities, while a sweet feeling welled up inside me. I didn't know how to respond to his declaration of love. Facing the one I liked, I just nodded repeatedly to show my decision.

After we established our relationship, he never let go of my hand in the car, and of course, I enjoyed the intimate contact we had for that hour. I nestled in his arm, close to his chest, and feelings of comfort, security, and happiness welled up inside me. Only at the very last moment before getting off the bus did I reluctantly let go of his hand.

That night, lying in bed, I couldn't help but chuckle to myself, my hands mimicking the hour-long intimacy after school, savoring the feeling of holding hands for the first time with someone I liked.

"I'll take care of you for the rest of my life." A simple promise, even to my underage self, seemed like a fantasy. Yet, people sometimes do contradictory things, preferring to believe in a hope they know is unrealistic. Women, in particular, often cling to romantic fantasies.

I closed my eyes, and his every move, every smile, still lingered in my mind. I'd heard people say that when you like someone, you'll always be thinking about them. I couldn't help but ask myself: Is this what love is...?

Senior year of high school is the busiest year of my life and one of the most important turning points. Knowing that my family and I might be immigrating to the UK, and because I love learning foreign languages, I decisively enrolled in English. While seeing the world abroad is something everyone envies, my heart remained here. I couldn't leave this relationship I was wholeheartedly committed to, and even more so, I couldn't leave him, whom I had finally won over.

Xing had once mentioned that his favorite subject was physics, but he ultimately chose English, the same subject as me. I was genuinely happy to be in the same class as him. However, I didn't want him to give up his dreams for me, so I bluntly told him, "I don't like boys who give up their dreams," trying to persuade him to change his mind. He smiled and said, "You are everything to me; your dreams are my dreams."

Hearing this touched me deeply, and I knew that no matter how much I tried to persuade him, he wouldn't change his mind, so I had to accept his kindness. Of course, he did provide me with a lot of help and motivation in my studies, and he was also my pillar of support in life. Ultimately, I successfully gained admission to a foreign language university, while he, who consistently ranked at the top of his class, failed the college entrance exam due to poor performance.

Like the summer before junior high, the summer before senior year was free of homework, allowing us to play as we pleased. This period was, at the time, the happiest time of my life. Parks, theaters, and other entertainment venues were our favorite haunts. We took photos everywhere we went, creating beautiful memories.

I clearly remember the day before summer vacation ended. In the morning, he bought two rings from a roadside stall.

In a shady spot, he knelt down, saying "Marry me," and slipped the ring onto my right ring finger, wearing the other ring himself. Despite the somewhat secluded location, quite a few people saw his inappropriate behavior. I frantically said, "No, people will see," but deep down I knew I was enjoying this tender and loving confession.

That evening, we walked hand-in-hand in a dimly lit park. Soft music drifted from the street beside us, and several couples were whispering sweet nothings to each other, creating an atmosphere that seemed tailor-made for us. As we walked, we reached a pavilion and sat down inside. I nestled against his shoulder, reminiscing about the past two short years we'd spent together, sharing many stories of daily life and our deepest feelings. On this final night, I experienced my first kiss.

Our chests pressed together; our hands intertwined; our arms embraced. I could feel my heart pounding and my lover's rapid breaths. Perhaps because it was our first time, our awkward movements were quite clumsy, and we experienced several embarrassing moments. Even so, I still loved the caresses of our lips, the lingering kisses of our tongues, and the physical contact—after all, it was an expression of love from both of us.

A few days later, the immigration office sent us a letter saying we could go to the embassy for an interview. What came to mind wasn't the overseas life I longed for, but Xing's image.

To stay here, I had argued with my parents many times, said hurtful things, and even considered leaving with Xing several times. But in the end, Xing comforted me and persuaded me to stay. He said, "Life and future abroad will be much better than in this chaotic country." However, I couldn't let go of the friends I'd made here, and more importantly, I couldn't let go of our deep friendship.

Since I went to university, and Xing has been working for some time, we've seen each other less and less. I thought: after all, we each have our own paths to follow. For the sake of our future, and to prove to my parents my love for Xing, I must grit my teeth and move forward fearlessly, just like Xing had helped me on that dark staircase. But I gradually noticed that as time went on, he seemed to be intentionally avoiding me, even hiding something from me.

It was precisely because of my naturally introverted personality that I developed a keen intuition. Before, I was always the one buying him household items. But now, things like phone straps and dolls hanging from his bags have become completely unfamiliar to me. Whenever I asked whose taste he had, he would only answer that he bought them himself. What worried me most was that I also found a box containing couple's bracelets in his home. When I saw the bracelets again, they were already on Xing's wrist. My heart ached because the other bracelet didn't belong to me.

After some time, the once approachable man gradually became a different person. Sometimes he would fly into a rage over the smallest things, and of course, he would apologize and try to appease me afterwards. However, sometimes I couldn't find him for days, and even when I did, his face no longer held any smile, but instead looked haggard and distracted. He began to ignore my concern and well-wishes, and became indifferent to my affairs.

In short, Xing was no longer the person I used to know.

Perhaps these changes were due to the aftereffects of failing the college entrance exam, or perhaps they were due to the pressure of working in society. But whatever the reason, I repeatedly pressed him for the reason for this sudden change, and he either gave me vague answers or became irritable, disappearing from my sight in less than two or three minutes.

As his partner, I endured his temper tantrums. I remembered what he had done for me, what he had taught me; I remembered that night when he became my guiding light, my teacher. I couldn't be indifferent to him because of this. And just as I wanted to make him the person he used to be, no matter how much I suffered, I would persevere. I often looked at the ring he gave me during the summer after my senior year of high school, always believing that this was just a temporary gloom, and that when the clouds cleared, I would see the sun shining brightly again, just like before.

But after the gloom, will it always be sunny, or will it be windy and rainy? Rain is both the source and the end of all things.

I remember it was a rainy day in the sweltering summer; after the blazing sun, the ground was so hot that mirages appeared. It was Saturday, a day off from school, and I knew Xing was free. I was planning to ask him to meet up, but then I received a text message from Lili—she had been dumped by her boyfriend and forced to have an abortion, but she didn't want her family to know and didn't have enough money.

I knew Xing was resting at home that day, so I texted him, explaining the whole situation, even giving him Lili's address at the hospital, hoping he could help. To my surprise, he didn't reply.

When I arrived at the hospital, I paid Lili's bill and saw her pale, haggard face, devoid of color, staring blankly at her phone, hoping for a reply from her boyfriend. But Lili's boyfriend never appeared in her sight, not even a text message of concern.

I had met Lili's boyfriend before. Because he was a typical rich third-generation heir reeking of money, my first impression of him was very bad. I admit, compared to Xing, he was indeed more handsome and better dressed. However, I believe that a person's beauty shouldn't just exist on the outside; more importantly, it should reside in the heart.

I remember when he tried every means to win Lili's heart, he squandered the money he received from his elders. After Lili became his girlfriend, his initial attentiveness to her vanished without a trace. From being hot and cold to ignoring her in just a few months, his attitude made me, as an outsider, despise him. Recently, Lili even suspected him of having a third party... Now, Lili has had an abortion, and he, as her boyfriend, hasn't been by her side, not even a phone call to check on her, let alone paid for the abortion.

People often say, "Handsome men have no conscience." But to me, "A man who is both rich and handsome not only lacks conscience, but also has no sense of responsibility."

I stayed by Lili's side, holding her heartbroken body in my arms, and asked myself: Men are always so obedient before they get a woman, but do they become so heartless after they win her heart? Is this the true nature of men? Why is it always the woman who gets hurt?

After taking Lili home, the scorching sun was covered by dark clouds, and the once sweltering streets

suddenly became much cooler. Xing's coldness today sent a chill down my spine: Did Xing's change in attitude towards me over the past year mean he was tired of me? Did he really have a third party on the side, just like Lili's boyfriend?

Suddenly, Lili's suspicions about her boyfriend reminded me of the clues I had found among Xing's belongings. The more I thought about it, the more uneasy I felt. So I sent Xing another text message, asking why he wasn't coming and where he was. He replied: "I'm not feeling well.

I'm a little worried about Xing at home." So I sent him a text message and went to his house. The weather was turning bad, with intermittent winds and thunder, mirroring my restless emotions.

Full of worry, I reached his building, only to witness the very thing I least wanted to see, the thing that would break my heart. A girl was intimately linking her right arm with Xing's, and Xing was walking very close to her. Anyone else seeing this would have thought they were a perfect couple. Afraid they'd see me, I hid inside a building, only daring to emerge after they'd all gone into their apartments.

"Right, why am I being so secretive about being his girlfriend? Maybe there's something going on between them, not the kind of relationship I imagine. If they're not like that, why are they being so intimate?

What does this have to do with Xing's change?" My mind was filled with all sorts of questions and contradictions, but only he could answer them.

It had started to rain, and the thunder grew louder with the downpour.

He lived on the top floor. With each step I took up the stairs, my heart felt like it was being struck by a hammer. When I reached his door, I stopped myself from knocking. I couldn't imagine what would happen when the door opened, nor could I imagine how I would react if I saw my boyfriend cheating.

"What's coming will come," I thought. After a while, I gently pressed the doorbell. An unprecedented tension surrounded me.

The bell rang for a long time before the door finally opened. A girl with flowing hair stood in the doorway. I recognized her as the girl who had been intimate with Xing downstairs, only now she was dressed differently.

She wore a white tank top and light green hot pants. Her bright eyes darted around, her fair skin was exposed to the air, her graceful figure was on full display, and she smelled of fabric softener and soap. A woman like that would make any man's heart flutter, and even other women would feel envious.

However, she gave me a sense of déjà vu, but I couldn't remember where I had seen her before.

"Hello, who are you looking for?" A pleasant voice came from her lips, and a sweet smile graced her delicate face. Her tone was gentle, and overall, she didn't make the visitor feel displeased at all; she was a very polite girl. But to me, this short question was tantamount to announcing that she was the mistress of this house, and thus, it was like an invisible sword piercing my heart.

"Sisi, what's wrong?" I clearly saw that the person hugging this girl from behind was none other than Xing, the man I deeply love. And when he saw me, a look of surprise appeared on his face. When I looked at the two of them more closely, I noticed that they were wearing matching couple bracelets.

When the three of us looked at each other face to face, for a few seconds, almost everything was frozen. If it weren't for the sound of rain and thunder outside, I would have thought that even time had stopped. Those few seconds, which should have been brief, felt incredibly long, and were the darkest moment of my life.

When I recovered from my shock, I saw him walking towards me. In response to his callousness, I didn't hesitate to leave a bright red handprint on his face. The crisp sound echoed in the three-person space, a silent reply to his actions. Downstairs, I found myself in the midst of a torrential downpour.

Thinking of how the relationship I had nurtured over the years had been completely destroyed, I could no longer suppress my pain and anger. I desperately wanted to leave this place of heartbreak, so no amount of rain or wind could stop me; without a word, I rushed into the downpour. I let the rain lash my skin; I let the wind assault my body. Perhaps passersby would have thought I was a complete fool standing in the rain. But thanks to the heavy rain, the tear stains on my face were covered, preventing me from losing face in front of others. It felt as if the heavens were taking pity on me, letting

the rain fall endlessly. Back home, the combination of the sweltering heat and the rain made me seriously ill, and I was mostly in a coma. Even in my drowsy state, I vaguely remembered my parents' tireless efforts to care for me, their constant companionship, care, and protection day and night. When I woke up, I deeply regretted turning against my parents and even speaking harshly to them for a man who might no longer love me. However, I finally understood that no matter how I treated my parents, they would always treat me the same. No matter what I became, they would always be the only people in the world who would never abandon me.

After recovering, I learned how to be filial to my parents and destroyed the ring Xing had given me and the photos of us together—destroying these deceptive things. I vowed from the bottom of my heart to completely forget this person and sever all ties with him.

That year, at eighteen, I immigrated to London, England with my parents before the immigration period began. In this unfamiliar city, I was fascinated by everything new. The citizens lived a leisurely life unlike anything I'd experienced back home;

the streets were cleaner and tidier; even the sky above the city was filled with blue skies and white clouds unlike anything I'd seen back home. In short, everything I saw was vastly different from what I'd seen back home.

One thing struck me deeply. There were no more groups of beggars on the streets; instead, there were

self-reliant artists—clowns playing puppets, street dancers, and even violinists

were everywhere.

At first, I could say I had a language barrier, but I quickly adapted to life in London.

From the moment we broke up, Xing also taught me something invaluable—women must learn to be strong, to survive and thrive even without relying on men. So I studied hard and finally earned a bachelor's degree in finance from a good local university. All of this took only three or four years.

After graduation, I officially entered the workforce. I always thought everything was different from back home, but there was one thing that remained the same everywhere—a sluggish economy. Moreover, I greatly underestimated the real and cruel side of society. After entering the workforce and encountering setbacks everywhere, I realized the importance of interpersonal relationships and experienced all sorts of human warmth and coldness.

Every day, the doors of every financial company became my unavoidable passage. At home, even while standing, eating, drinking, or dreaming, I was thinking about work. But the difficulty of finding a job far exceeded my capacity to bear. Most of my resumes disappeared without a trace, and even those I was lucky enough to receive interview invitations only ended up with a "waiting for news" message.

The bitter days would eventually pass. Heaven rewards the diligent, and I found a clerical job in a small financial company. Although the salary wasn't ideal, considering the colleagues, environment, and benefits, it was passable. At the very least, it's a good place to hone your skills and gain experience and knowledge.

Even with a small job, I only truly have my own private time and space after work.

Perhaps it's because I'm getting older and starting to appreciate things I used to overlook.

Whenever I sit on the upper deck of a double-decker bus and look out the window, it feels like I'm touring this world-famous city. The originally dim night is dazzlingly illuminated by neon lights; even the London Bridge and the Thames have a unique charm at night. Pedestrians aren't rushing home; instead, they linger in various restaurants and shops. People with cameras are everywhere; I can no longer distinguish between locals and tourists. The only

drawback is that no matter how dazzling the scenery is, there's no one beside me to share it, confide in, or hold hands with—a real regret.

Due to an unpleasant relationship with Xing, and recalling Lili's boyfriend's behavior, I seem to have reverted to my old self—someone who disliked interacting with the opposite sex, even keeping their distance.

Aside from my father, I treated other men with courtesy, but also maintained a "safe" distance, trying to prevent them from having any chance. Later, I noticed that many male colleagues began to distance themselves from me, and some even ostracized me. I knew this was probably due to my poor interpersonal skills, but I didn't mind; perhaps this was the effect I wanted.

Even so, at my workplace, I could still sense the goodwill of a younger British man. Although I desperately wanted to sever all unpleasant memories and ties with Xing, the hurt he caused me was like a red-hot iron, leaving an indelible mark on my heart. Coupled with perhaps cultural differences, I disliked the free-spiritedness of British men, so to prevent him from having any further fantasies about me, I decisively rejected him.

While tidying up one day, I inadvertently found an essay I wrote in high school and reread it carefully, thinking: Is the dream of finding someone who truly loves me as unattainable as being a pilot or a musician? I once thought that because of my emotional baggage, I would never have anything to do with any man again, until I met the second man in my life—Wei.

He was the owner of a restaurant near our company. I would have lunch there every weekday. The restaurant's decor and furnishings were in a traditional British style; the place was spacious and spotless, and the food was not only delicious but also varied. If you sat by the window and looked out, you could see different "artists"

putting on performances on the street every day. Of course, the lunches here were also typical British snacks. Although I had been in England for several years, what I ate here was either fruit salad or fried chicken and burgers, instead of the porridge, noodles, and rice I was familiar with.

Like Xing, Wei was also an approachable and very talkative person, and he was also witty and humorous when he spoke.

I couldn't treat him like other men, because he wasn't frivolous or unrestrained like them. From his conversation, I knew he was only seven years older than me, yet possessed profound knowledge, rich experience, lofty ambitions, and life goals. He also knew how to understand others' psychology.

I once told him that even when I was abroad, I longed to taste the snacks of home, even just once.

I don't know if he deduced my homesickness from our conversation, or why he took my joke so seriously. Unexpectedly, a few days later, at lunchtime in his restaurant, after ordering, he actually served me a plate of my favorite—fragrant and piping hot braised pork knuckle.

Eating braised pork knuckle in a traditional British restaurant might seem strange, but it was because of this dish that I was able to experience the flavors of home again in a foreign land. After that, every time I went to his restaurant, he would serve me a different kind of Chinese dish, and every dish was meticulous in both presentation and taste.

Not only that, but to keep me awake, he also brought me a cup of fragrant coffee.

Before long, he became my first true male friend in England. Only then could I truly understand him. Wei was born and raised in England, only returning to China a few times for ancestral worship, and didn't know much about Chinese culture.

However, because his father owned several large Chinese restaurants, Wei had been able to cook authentic Chinese food since childhood. This English restaurant was a small business his father had started for him. Although he spoke fluent Mandarin, he didn't understand Chinese history and culture. As a result, he would always find time to discuss it with me at lunchtime.

Tall, handsome, and stylish, Wei was clearly the prince charming in the eyes of many women.

The office ladies dining in his restaurant included both Asians and locals, each more beautiful and more charming than me. As for me, I had neither a beautiful face nor wore makeup; my long-term reading had made my bulky glasses an extension of my body. Yet, I could sense that he treated me differently from other women.

Even without relying on keen intuition, everyone could easily sense that Wei's passion for me wasn't innocent. If it were me in the past, my heart would probably have already been conquered by him. But my relationship with Xing taught me a lesson: no matter what the other person does to me, I can't easily trust a man, because the beginning of a relationship always carries the possibility of failure. I don't want my already cracked heart to be hurt again and shattered. However, I can't ignore everything he's done for me.

If my colleagues hadn't told me, I wouldn't have known that he had worked day and night to introduce me to many experts in the financial industry; if the real estate agent hadn't told me, I wouldn't have known that he had used his connections to reserve an affordable luxury apartment for me; if my parents hadn't told me, I wouldn't have known that he had stayed by my bedside when I was sick, bringing me water and medicine...

Because of the failure of my first relationship, I had buried my heart deep inside, covered by an iceberg of unyielding strength. I never imagined that he would transform into a warm sun, slowly healing the scars in my heart. At the same time, he was the second guiding light in my life, illuminating a bright path for me who was living in the shadows of the past, and finally helping me forget Xing. Not long after, we became boyfriend and girlfriend. After that, he didn't treat me like Xing had; instead, he treated me even better and cared for me more…

I had asked Wei many times: why, with so many beautiful women around him, did he ultimately choose the ordinary me? Each time, he would hug me and gently say, “What I love is your sincerity, your purity.

Being with you, I've discovered that you don't covet my money, you don't dress extravagantly just to be near me, or flatter me. Compared to them, you possess a rare strength and resilience in women.”

Several years passed in the blink of an eye. Christmas in England is very similar to Chinese New Year; the streets are decorated with lights and incredibly lively. The snowy weather adds to the festive atmosphere. Although we both wore gloves, we would sometimes take them off and put our hands in the same pocket to warm them. But this year was different. As I walked to the Christmas tree, I reached in and touched something. When I pulled it out, I realized it was a small gift box.

"Will you marry me?" Before I could react, he had already opened the box, taken out a diamond ring, and knelt before me, loudly proclaiming it in fluent English.

People always love a spectacle; seeing someone propose to their crush in the street, they naturally try to persuade them: "Marry him…marry him…"

Unlike Xing's playful attitude, Wei's eyes told me he wasn't joking, but seriously awaiting my answer. At that moment, I was both nervous and excited, as if I were back to the first time Xing held my hand. I was so moved that my glasses welled up with tears; I couldn't express it in words, only nod in acknowledgment.

If the day I walked down the aisle had happened yesterday, I vividly remember the envious glances from family and friends as we, the newlyweds, were joined in matrimony. The words "happiness" and "joy" alone couldn't adequately describe my feelings at that moment. Especially when we shared a passionate kiss before Jesus Christ and the crowd, the fluttering of our hearts was even more intense. Love was stronger than ever.

Dating is a matter between two people; marriage, however, involves a group. I thought Wei's parents would consider me the kind of woman who climbed the social ladder, that they would look down on me because of my poor family background, or deliberately make things difficult for me. But they didn't do that at all. On the contrary, whether dating or getting married, they treated me like Wei, just as precious as a precious gem, which overwhelmed me with gratitude.

The second night after the wedding, I knew what was coming would eventually happen. It was Wei's first request of me.

As my husband and I sat on the bed, I couldn't calm down for a long time; my heart was pounding like a little kangaroo. I understand that couples must be completely honest with each other in their intimate moments, but after we both removed our last shred of modesty, I still shyly covered my most sensitive areas with my hands, my eyes avoiding his naked gaze and turning away.

He gently stroked my skin to calm me down. My initial tension gradually eased, and my hands, which had been on my chest, were no longer defensive, revealing my final secret to him. When he approached my face, I could clearly feel his breath; when he embraced me, I could clearly feel his accelerated heartbeat; when he kissed my lips, I could clearly feel his soft touch.

When he pressed his body against mine, I felt as if I were being torn apart, a burning and painful sensation inside me. To be honest, I disliked the insertion of foreign objects into my body, and I disliked the uncomfortable pain that came with it. However, because I clearly understood that this pain was Wei's love for me, and that it was a normal part of life and a bond between husband and wife, I was willing to try to accept it, even to enjoy it.

Time flies, and this year of marriage marks my twelfth year in England. Looking back on my relationship with Wei, from the very beginning until now, he has been my friend in my sorrows, my family when I confided in him, my partner in my life, and my comrade-in-arms in my struggles.

Because of him, I was able to overcome my past trauma; because of him, my life has always been very happy and fulfilling. I once thought that Wei was the only man in my life, besides my father, who was truly good to me, and that was the end of that thought.

A week after the wedding, Wei and I decided to return to China to visit our family and hold another wedding banquet. Before leaving, Lili told me through online chat that there was a high school reunion and hoped I could attend it when I returned.

On the night of the class reunion, Wei drove me to the hotel in his friend's car. When I entered the hotel room, even though more than ten years had passed, my classmates hadn't changed much. I was happy to see all those familiar faces from high school again. I knew I was quiet in high school, and the only people I could really talk to were a few female friends, Lili, and Wei.

Perhaps out of curiosity, after exchanging pleasantries with Lili, I looked around but couldn't find Xing.

I thought to myself: He must be too shy to show his face in front of me. Suddenly, a woman appeared before me.

"Are you Xiaoyun? I'm Sisi. Maybe it's because I've been looking at your photos, but I still remember what you look like. Can we chat for a bit?" I looked the familiar woman up and down, but couldn't quite place her.

"I am Xiaoyun, but I'm sorry, I really can't remember who you are."

"It's okay if you don't remember me. If I'm not mistaken, this is our second official meeting.

Do you remember Xing?" She paused to let me recall.

"What I want to say is about Xing..." I immediately stopped her from continuing. Although twelve years had passed, I had finally managed to find a way out of the shadows of the past, and I didn't want to relive that unbearable memory.

"If you're going to talk about him, then don't. Why should I listen to someone who doesn't even dare to come and has to ask others to speak for him?"

Just as I was about to leave, my wrist was grabbed, and the person who grabbed it was none other than Lili.

"It's not that he didn't want to come, it's that he simply couldn't. He originally told me not to tell you, but I felt that not telling you wouldn't be fair to either of us..." Sisi's eyes welled with tears as she said this. Lili seemed to know the whole story and tried to persuade me to stay. I was initially reluctant, but I understood that people don't cry unless they're truly heartbroken. In the end, I was convinced by Sisi's tears. Then, the three of us left the hotel and sat down in a relatively quiet park nearby…

“You might think of Xing as someone who deceived your feelings. But do you know that there was a reason he did it? Actually, I was never his lover. I was just his next-door neighbor, a year younger than you. We grew up together, like siblings. You probably didn’t recognize me before because after he met you, he told me to keep a certain distance from him…” Hearing this, I remembered why I felt a sense of familiarity when I first met her.

“He thought he and you would definitely have a good relationship. But things didn’t go well. In his second year of high school, he had a severe headache, and I happened to be by his side, so I accompanied him to the hospital. They found out he had a tumor in his brain, but it was a bit unusual; by the time it was discovered, it was already very serious. Because this illness meant he didn’t have much time left, he chose to take the English class you were taking, so he could be closer to you. At the same time, the tumor also caused him, who usually had excellent grades, to falter in his college entrance exams.”

"Since he had this illness, why didn't he tell me?" I couldn't help but ask.

"He didn't tell anyone except his family, especially not you. He said he absolutely couldn't let you be sad. After graduating from high school, his illness worsened, and his family spent all their savings on it. To ease the burden on his family, he secretly worked odd jobs. Even small jobs were better than being at home, and it inevitably aggravated his condition." At that moment, I finally understood why we saw each other less and less back then, and why he looked so haggard after only a few days together.

"He knew you were a sensitive person, and he knew you couldn't let go of him. He said he didn't want you to be trapped in this hopeless cage for a dying man, ruining your life. You should go abroad and see the world. So, he discussed with me the idea of me playing the role of his mistress, trying to drive you away. He knew you had been to his house, so he deliberately placed some couple's accessories in conspicuous places in the house so you could see them. But he knew you were a bit shy and wouldn't ask him about it in detail most of the time. Of course, he would also tell me to be available anytime..."

"Do you remember the day you broke up?"

"Yes, even though so many years have passed, I still can't erase the memory of that day."

"Just remember. We were planning to go to the hospital for a follow-up appointment, but when we came back, we unexpectedly saw you tiptoeing around downstairs. He was already in poor health, and I happened to be next to him. Maybe he felt this was an opportunity given to him by God, so he made up his mind to make you break up with him. He pressed himself against me, then walked up to you, hoping you would misunderstand. We thought you would come up and confront us, but you didn't. Anyway, it didn't matter, you still came up and witnessed 'everything' in the end."

For some reason, judging from her tone, I always felt that her relationship with Xing wasn't just that of childhood sweethearts and neighbors, nor was it as simple as that of a younger sister and older brother.

"After you went to England, he would always take out photos of you and me, always playing with a ring, sometimes even holding it in his palm. I don't know what special meaning that ring held, but I know that he would always show a rare smile whenever he played with it. He passed away a year after you went to England. On his deathbed, he told me that his only regret in life was that he couldn't keep the promise he made when he confessed his love, and that he felt very ashamed for not being able to take care of you for the rest of his life. He also said that he would watch over you from heaven after he died, hoping that you could find someone you deeply love, and that that man could take Xing's place in taking care of you..."

Hearing this, my tears flowed uncontrollably. Sisi gave me the photos that Xing had kept so well and his ring. Looking back, I seemed to understand why he was so eager to kneel down and "propose" to me during the summer vacation before our senior year of high school, and I also understood why he would get angry with me for no reason. Finally, unable to contain my emotions, I clutched his belongings and burst into tears.

The banquet ended at 11 PM, and Wei arrived to pick me up as scheduled. I didn't want Wei to notice anything amiss, but perhaps I couldn't control my emotions, and he saw me sobbing.

"What happened? Did someone bully you?"

"No…no, no one bullied me, I…I just feel like crying, I don't want to…don't want to talk…"

It was a perfectly reasonable question, but now, sitting in the car, I stammered, unable to answer him, only tears streaming down my face.

Wei had never forced me to do anything I didn't like, and this was no exception. He didn't press me for details. He simply held me in his arms, comforting me with words.

"Although I don't know what happened, right now, this car is just for the two of us. Don't hold back, cry it out. My shoulder is always here for you." Hearing his words, I could no longer control my emotions, and my piercing sobs immediately echoed in the car. Wei didn't say anything more, nor did he let go of me because of my crying. Instead, he held me tightly in his arms, waiting for me to finish venting my grief.

"I really don't know what to say, I'm sorry..." A few minutes later, I regained consciousness. When I placed my hand on his shirt, it was soaked.

"Of course, I want to know why you're crying, but I think even the most loving couples have some secrets they can't talk about, so there's no need to apologize. If you feel uncomfortable, you don't have to say it. I won't force you. Only when you feel you can talk about it will I be willing to listen to you." Wei not only didn't blame me, but comforted me, making me feel ashamed and embarrassed.

"I can tell you, but don't be angry after you hear it, and it's a bit long. Do you really want to hear it?"

"Silly girl, didn't I tell you? I'll listen attentively as long as you're willing to tell me." He nodded, and I began to tell you the long story of Xing and me, from our first meeting to our falling in love.

While I was telling the story, we had both gone home, washed up, and were sitting on our bed. When my tears welled up, he comforted me. Occasionally, he would discuss or ask questions about what I was saying, but he didn't show any displeasure; on the contrary, he listened with great interest. After I had told him my whole experience, I asked if he would be angry, but he hugged me.

"Not only will I not be angry with him, but I will also thank him."

"Thank him? Why?" I was completely puzzled by what he said.

"Without him, you wouldn't be who you are today; without him, we wouldn't have met;

without him, I wouldn't have had the chance to love you for a lifetime. So, he is both your benefactor and my benefactor. Who in this world would be angry with their benefactor, right?"

Hearing these words, I felt a deep respect for Wei. I knew a man couldn't tolerate his wife having another man in her heart. But how much courage did a man have to say such things? How broad was his heart? And how many people in the world could do that? The following

spring, heaven once again bestowed upon me the third man in my life—the little baby Wei and I had.

Both my parents and Wei's parents were overjoyed. Wei even suspended the restaurant's business for a few days to stay by my side during the early stages of my postpartum confinement.

According to custom, the child's Chinese name should be chosen by the grandfather. Perhaps because my father-in-law had lived in England for decades and was deeply influenced by Western culture, he ultimately decided that the child's name should be decided jointly by Wei and me. Wei unhesitatingly said that he entrusted the important task of naming the child to me.

"Is it really okay for me to decide the baby's name?" I asked.

"It's alright, the child already has the same surname as me, right? The name should be chosen by the mother."

In the end, because of Wei's understanding, I named the child Nian'en. The four elders all agreed, but they didn't know the story behind the name. This story became a little secret between Wei and me.

Heaven didn't bestow upon me a beautiful face, a graceful figure, or any extraordinary talents.

I am just an ordinary woman. However, within this ordinariness, I received extraordinary treatment. It gave me an unforgettable first love and a happy family. Especially Xing and Wei, to have their selfless love is my greatest dream, and I have no regrets in this life.

Some might think, aren't these all perfectly normal things? But, I ask you, how many women in this world have experienced what Lili has, and how many women can truly understand true love?

(The End)

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