You must be happier than me.

page views:1 Publication date:2023-03-23

This is a true story. It's been buried deep in my heart for a long time. I recently received news of her by chance. I'm writing this to remember that lost love… August in Wuhan. The sun blazes like fire. Ping's mood is as fiery as the weather. The negotiations have reached their most crucial moment. Neither side is willing to compromise for their own interests. A stalemate. Everyone is waiting for the other to yield. He knows that now all he can do is wait.
Three days have passed. Still no progress. He sits quietly in the lobby bar, pondering a strategy. The coffee smells delicious, but it tastes bland to him. His gaze wanders aimlessly in the lobby, finally settling on a girl.
She's very beautiful. Ping feels a surge of emotion. His mind races, considering various ways to meet her. Finally, he chooses the foolproof method of a serendipitous encounter. He gets up and walks towards her… Suddenly. The phone rings. It's his secretary. The other party requests further discussion on certain details. Ping smiles. He knows he has won. Compromise now means defeat. He strode towards the elevator. The moment the doors closed, his gaze lingered on the girl.
The negotiations went smoothly. He only made a token concession, and the other party eagerly signed the contract. Amidst congratulations, Ping walked out of the conference room with his head
held high. The lobby was bustling with men and women. But he was disappointed. He didn't see the person he wanted. He sat down on the sofa he had just been sitting on, lit a cigarette, and ten minutes later, he walked out of the hotel dejectedly.
He sat in his car, somewhat dazed, still thinking about the girl. "Thump!" His car rear-ended. He knew he'd been hit.
"Do you even know how to drive?" he yelled.
"I'm so sorry. I'm really sorry."
Following the sound, he saw a girl get out of the car behind him. It was her. It was her! He was overjoyed. He turned around abruptly.
"Be careful! It's dangerous on the road. Are you alright?" He walked towards her as he spoke. This was their first close encounter. Ping carefully examined her.
What a beautiful face! Beneath crescent-shaped eyebrows were a pair of large, watery eyes. Long eyelashes. Delicate, fair skin. Bright, sensual lips. A sweet smile played on her lips. Ping was captivated. He was deeply moved by her beauty.
"You're not from Wuhan? You're from Beijing?"
"How did you know?" "
Your license plate is 京A."
"Yes, yes. I'm from Beijing," he replied. "Let me get your car fixed." 　　"No need. It's nothing serious. Just a scraped bumper. It's fine." " 　　Then I'll pay
you back. 　　" "No need. You see, I'm partly to blame. I shouldn't have parked so close to you. If there had been some distance, you wouldn't have hit me. Besides, it's not a big deal. I'll fix it myself when I get back!" Look how hypocritical men are. They'd say things like that just to get what they want. 　　"If you feel bad for me, then grant me one request," Ping said with a smile. "Have dinner with me!" 　　"Dinner?" A hint of surprise crossed her face. 　　"What's wrong? Is it not okay?" 　　"No. Okay. What do you want to eat? You decide." 　　"Whatever you want. I'm not very familiar with Wuhan." 　　"Alright then. Come with me." 　　They went to a restaurant opposite the Asia Hotel. They chatted happily, from Wuhan to Beijing, from childhood to university, from first love to marriage. They were like old friends, with endless topics to discuss. That night, Ping drank a lot. When they parted, they exchanged phone numbers. Ping also learned her name—Lili. She truly lived up to her name! 　　Back at the hotel, he finished the beer in the refrigerator. Lying on the bed, looking at the snow-white walls, it resembled her fair skin. He was immersed in joy. Reflecting on the day's experiences, he felt a little smug. Finally, under the influence of alcohol, he drifted off to sleep. When he 　　woke up... It was already high in the sky. His head felt heavy, but he was used to it. His morning plan was to visit a friend in Wuchang. He showered, changed, and rushed out of the hotel without even unpacking his clothes. " 　　They say the seasons are becoming increasingly unpredictable 　　, even the rain seems to be getting hurt, 　　the whole world is like dust in the wind, 　　and no one dares to say aloud, ' 　　Do you love me?' 　　Don't ask me if forever is enough. 　　If the earth were to leave the universe, and 　　the eternal earth began to melt, 　　let us embrace tightly..." 　　A familiar song played on the radio. He felt wonderful at that moment. 　　It was already afternoon when he left his friend's place. He drove back to the hotel as fast as he could. Because of his haste that morning, he had forgotten to bring the note with the phone number from the previous night. Back in his room, he frantically searched for it, but couldn't find it anywhere. He was at a loss. He calmed down and searched again, but still found nothing. He was desperate. "No way," he thought, "this bad luck has befallen me." He slammed his fist against the wall. It's all my fault for being so careless. What can I do now? I can only wait for her to contact me. Sigh. He sighed deeply. He knew that from this moment on, he had lost the initiative. 　　The sky outside the window was gloomy, covered with dark clouds, and a strong wind was blowing. It was truly a storm brewing. Ping sat on the sofa, staring blankly at the TV, his hand constantly pressing the remote control. A bolt of lightning flashed across the dark night sky. The storm was coming. Although only 48 hours had passed, it felt like 48 years to him. Waiting was truly a torturous thing. This was the nth time he had checked his phone today. The indicator light on the phone was still flashing tirelessly, but his mood was extremely depressed. The phone in the room rang. It was the boss of the partner company calling, inviting him to a nightclub. Anyway, he was free, so he might as well go and clear his head. 　　Ping walked into the reserved private room. The room was lively. Seven or eight men were sitting there busily. After a brief exchange of pleasantries, everyone sat down. Just then, a dozen or so brightly dressed women walked in. At the madam's beckoning, they swarmed around and sat among them. The usual routine began, the boring process: drinking, playing dice, karaoke. These things had become his mandatory course. To him, it was all utterly uninteresting. Sometimes he even felt like he was a prostitute. But he was a man, or more accurately, the typical kind of man. He couldn't escape the mundane, so he continued this common life. Three hours passed. Looking at the men in the room again, their hair was disheveled, ties were off, buttons were undone, and their faces were smeared with different colors of lipstick. They were still singing songs they themselves could barely understand. Large hands were reaching into the women's underwear, constantly rubbing and kneading. What a bustling scene! He felt dizzy. The two "darlings" beside him had used too much Dior perfume, making him feel nauseous. He got up and left the room. Couples embracing were a common sight in the corridor. What a scene of decadent indulgence! 　　Ping took out his phone. Three missed calls. It was her. He vaguely remembered it was her number. 　　"Lili?" 　　"Yes!" 　　"It was too noisy just now. I didn't hear you. Where are you?" " 　　At home!" " 　　Come out. I miss you so much!" Silence on the other end.

"I really miss you. I have something to tell you!" Ping said gently.
"Okay. Where are you? I'll come find you!" Lili replied softly.
He saved her phone number. This time, he couldn't lose her again. He quickly washed the dirt off his face. He booked another room next to theirs and then hurried out of the nightclub. The air after the rain was so fresh!
He took a few deep breaths. His mind seemed to clear up a lot. Time passed by, minute by minute. He looked around anxiously. Finally, a familiar figure came into his sight. She was wearing a pink tank top and tight jeans. With her slightly exaggerated Korean makeup, she looked exceptionally glamorous and charming. The moment they entered the room, Ping grabbed her hand tightly.
Ping hugged her tightly as they entered the room. He smelled the faint fragrance emanating from her body. Their eyes met. He saw a hint of passion and desire in her eyes. He gently kissed her face. Her body trembled. He then closed his eyes. His mouth moved to her lips. The instant his kiss landed, her lips parted slightly. His tongue, of course, wouldn't miss such an opportunity. As her lips gently opened, the tip of his tongue slid in through the tiny opening, entering her small mouth. Warm, moist, smooth, and sweet. He sucked on her tongue, passionately entwining with it... They held each other like that, kissing. They didn't know how much time had passed... Countless women marveled at his kissing... On the way back to the hotel, they didn't say a word. She lay quietly in his arms, and he held her tightly.
That night was unforgettable for Ping Ge...
Li, emerging from the bathroom, looked exceptionally alluring. Her fair skin was strikingly beautiful in the dim light. A hint of shyness appeared on her slightly flushed face. Her delicate body was wrapped in a loose nightgown, making her appear even more petite and charming.
He pulled her into his arms. Her hands unconsciously wrapped around his back, her pretty face buried in his chest. The alluring sight made him unable to resist any longer. He gently kissed her thin, red lips. The fresh pleasure made her feel intoxicated. At this moment, she seemed a little clumsy, unsure of what to do next, her delicate body squirming restlessly in his arms. Her hands clung tightly to him. He secretly freed one hand from her back and quietly moved it to her breasts.
"Ah!..." she couldn't help but moan. Ping took the opportunity to skillfully invade her. His tongue gently touched the tip of her soft tongue. His palms caressed her firm breasts, his fingers deftly teasing her already erect nipples. Under this double assault, a blush of passion rose on her snow-white skin, and her body writhed wildly in his arms.
He reluctantly left her red lips, slowly kissing down her jade-like neck, each kiss causing her to tremble. Finally, inhaling her fragrance, he climbed her proud peaks, kissing every inch of her smooth skin. Passionate marks were added to her snow-white breasts.
Her firm breasts stood proudly before him. A few drops of water clung to her pink nipples, like cherries glistening with morning dew. Ping took one of the pink nipples in his mouth and sucked hard. The sudden attack made her cry out again. She unconsciously began kissing his shoulder haphazardly. Ping kissed one nipple, then the other. Both nipples were covered in his saliva, appearing somewhat lewd under the light. Her small mouth emitted intermittent moans. Her delicate feet kicked wildly.
He wanted to kiss every inch of her skin. He continued kissing down her body, past her flat stomach, her snow-white thighs, her slender calves, and finally her sculpted toes. Only her mysterious valley remained untouched. The intense stimulation caused her legs to open naturally. Her shapely buttocks swayed incessantly.
She felt his lower body rapidly swelling, a burning sensation. He couldn't wait to enter her. He parted her legs. He thrust deeply into her. The instant he entered, he felt an unparalleled smoothness and warmth… Her passion surprised him. His frenzy brought her pleasure. He only wanted to stay inside her a little longer, to prolong this wonderful pleasure. He felt every muscle trembling. Every hair on his body stood on end. Finally, he felt he was about to climax. So he intensified his thrusting. In a surge of intense pleasure, he ejaculated his hot, sticky fluid… After the passion subsided, her hands clung tightly to his back, their skin pressed together, leaving no gap between them… She leaned against his chest, listening to his heartbeat, wiping the sweat from his brow. He said to her,
"You're such a passionate little thing!"
"That's because your passion infected me!"
"Does every man give me that feeling?"
"You're wrong. Not every man is as strong as me!" Lily lay quietly in his arms. He guessed from her even breathing that she was asleep. He turned his head to look at her closely. He loved her long eyelashes, her high nose, and her two shallow dimples. He loved the feeling of holding her, like holding a cute Barbie doll. He couldn't help but kiss her cheek... Sitting back to back on the carpet, listening to music and talking about wishes, you hope I become more and more gentle,
I hope you keep me in your heart,
you said you wanted to give me a romantic dream,
thank you for taking me to heaven,
even if it takes a lifetime to complete,
as long as I say it, you will remember it forever.
The most romantic thing I can think of
is growing old with you,
collecting every bit of laughter along the way,
to talk about slowly in rocking chairs later.
The most romantic thing I can think of
is growing old with you,
until we are too old to go anywhere,
and you still treat me like a treasure in your palm...
This song deeply moved him. He also hoped that a woman could grow old with him... but not just one.
Lily in his arms stirred. She opened her eyes.
"How long have I been asleep? Did I hurt you?"
"Not long. It doesn't hurt. Sleep a little longer!"
"I was a little sleepy just now. I haven't slept well these past few days. I'm not sleeping anymore. I want to chat with you." "Okay. What do you want to talk about?" "Do you like me? If you answer, you have to give three reasons." "No." Ping replied after a moment's thought.
"You don't like me? Then why are you so..." Lili looked surprised and confused.
"I love you." "
Haha. You're so naughty. Is it true?" Lili laughed as she patted his chest.
"Really. I swear to Chairman Mao!"
Actually, he hadn't thought of three reasons before saying that. At that time, her attraction to him was only her outstanding appearance. He didn't expect how far their relationship would go. He couldn't have foreseen the many changes that would happen later. He was a master of romance. He understood what women wanted to hear most. Sweet words. Even if they were lies, women loved to hear them. Women are sometimes pathetic. After they have made love with the man they like, they hear him say how much he loves them. Have they ever considered how much of it is genuine? Of course. But if it's a seasoned woman, that's a different story. Men can also be captivated by their sweet voices. And what do they gain then? Humans are such complex creatures… ordering food. chatting. And inevitably, doing mundane things. They repeat it. Cycle it. Their relationship changes. From the very beginning, strangers… to acquaintances… to passionate lovers… when they leave the hotel on the fourth day, they are already a couple deeply in love.
Fate is so unfair. The closer they got, the more dangerous it became. They didn't know what a cruel fate awaited them... Lili's boyfriend was named Lin. He was actually a decent man, working in a government department. He had a very easygoing personality. He was her senior from university and had pursued her for five years. Finally, Lili was moved by his devotion. He treated Lili very well, indulging her every whim and spoiling her. But he lacked passion and romance. In his eyes, Lili was like the willful and capricious Princess Jianning, but he wasn't the dashing and romantic Wei Xiaobao. He just wanted to marry her as soon as possible. His greatest wish was to have a warm and comfortable home with her. Actually, this wasn't unreasonable. It was something many girls dreamed of, even if it kept them up at night. But unfortunately, he met Lili, a girl with a free-spirited and passionate personality.
Lin hadn't seen Lili for several days. Her phone was switched off. This was unusual for him. He was a little uneasy. Finally, he got through on the phone. They agreed to meet at a coffee shop. Li looked a little haggard, as if she hadn't slept well for days. Her answers to his questions were vague. He saw a sense of loss and melancholy in her eyes. He had a bad feeling.
Lili kept thinking about Ping. They had been separated for two days. He said he would come to see her next month, but she didn't know how to get through the remaining two weeks. Her happiest moment each day was talking to him on the phone. She rarely went out anymore. She hoped he would know that she was waiting for his call at home every day. Their phone calls became longer and longer, from half an hour at the beginning to four or five hours later. Several times they even fell asleep listening to each other's breathing. Although the distance was far, she felt that their hearts were closer.
The two weeks finally passed. When Ping walked out of the port, Lili threw herself into his arms.
"I missed you so much! Do you know how I've been these past two weeks?" "I missed you too, baby. I'm back now!" On the way to the hotel, he took out a small box. It was a crystal necklace he had bought for her. When he put the necklace on her, he noticed she had lost weight, and her eyes were bloodshot. His heart ached. He took her hand.
"Your hands are so cold!"
"No one cares when my hands are cold," Lili said.
"No, I care for you!"
"Will you care for me forever?"
"Yes, I will. I will care for you and take care of you forever."
Ping hugged her tightly. In that instant, he felt a sense of responsibility... People in love are happy. Even if you encounter unpleasant things, seeing your lover will make all your troubles disappear. Ping and Lili were both passionate people. When they fell in love, they ignored their own problems, only hoping that time could stand still in that happy moment.
Ping was already married. He had a beautiful and gentle wife. But he was naturally arrogant. His early success made him overly confident in his dealings with others, including Lili. He had wanted to find an exciting romance in a foreign land, but unexpectedly, when he withdrew... He was no longer able to escape unscathed… He was deeply attracted to her.
He loved her sleepy, adorable way of hugging his neck in the morning and asking, “Honey, do you love me?” He loved the pouty expression on her face when she frantically cooked in the kitchen, only managing to bring him a plate of tomatoes with sugar… He loved the messy words she left on a piece of paper: “The food is in the pot. I’m in bed.” He was a little scared. He knew he had fallen in love with her. This wasn’t the outcome he had hoped for. He considered himself a carefree person. He hadn’t expected to fall into his own trap so quickly. He didn’t know whether to continue loving her or end the relationship.
Lili made a decision. She broke up with her boyfriend. Actually, she had wanted to break up with him for a long time. He was too dull. She didn’t like that kind of man. She had brought up breaking up before, but he always did things she didn’t expect. Plus, her parents were willing for them to be together, so it always ended without a resolution. This time, she brought it up again. No one paid much attention, assuming he was just in a bad mood and would be fine in a few days. But when she returned all the things he had given her before, he realized she was serious this time.
Time flies. Before they knew it, Ping and Lili had been together for over a year. Lili had also been in Beijing from Wuhan for almost half a year. She felt so happy with Ping. Ping was a very romantic man. He would often give her beautiful roses and buy her little trinkets that girls liked. Whenever he had time, he would cook her a candlelight dinner every week. On weekends, he would take her on outings. Shidu, Bashang Grassland, Hongluo Temple… all these places were filled with their joyful laughter… People are selfish. Women especially want to receive all the love of the man they love. Sharing a man with another woman is something they cannot tolerate. Lili knew that to truly win him over, he had to divorce his wife.
Ping's wife was from Shanghai. When they met, she was still a young girl at a dance academy. It took him a whole year to win her over. They got married three years later. Their married life was happy and sweet. He also became much more restrained during those years. There was always some casual flinging, but it never went too far. However, his recent behavior seemed very unusual to her. He was coming home less and less often, and even when he did, it was late at night. He always looked exhausted, and when she asked him why, he was always vague. A woman's intuition told her that he was having an affair. She was a smart woman. She didn't confront him directly. She knew her husband. She just subtly hinted at her intuition. Sometimes, it's better not to say things so explicitly; a subtle expression can be more powerful.
It was already late at night. Ping gently opened the door. The house was filled with the rich aroma of caramel macchiato! He saw her sitting on the sofa with a book in her hand.
"Not asleep yet? Aren't you sleepy?"
"You weren't asleep either?"
"Waiting for me to come?"
"Nothing. Come back early tomorrow. I want to see Mom. Will you come with me?" "Okay. I'll try to come back early!" The next day, Ping came home in the early morning. She was already asleep on the sofa. The book slipped from his hand and fell to the floor. The room still smelled faintly of coffee from yesterday.
During that time, he could always smell that familiar aroma when he came home. It was a smell he had once deeply loved.
Until one day, while cleaning the room, he discovered that there was only that one book in the house! He seemed to understand… only drinking one kind of coffee. Only reading one book. Only waiting for one man… Ping was a smart man. He knew his wife had sensed everything. But she deliberately kept quiet, making him even more miserable. He was somewhat at a loss. But everyone's patience has its limits. Just when the relationship between these three was at this stalemate, something happened. It truly stirred up a storm… “Hot Spot” was the most popular disco in Beijing at the end of the last century. Ping also loved going there. He loved watching the high-m dancers constantly twisting their bodies. He loved the alluring Xiao Xue in the cage. He loved the intoxicating aroma of marijuana… He especially loved the stimulation and desire that Zai brought him. Through the glass of the disco, he seemed to see a familiar shadow. But he couldn't make it out clearly. The effects of the drug surged through his body. He held Lili, who was sitting on his lap. The two of them were shaking their heads wildly to the blaring music. A woman entered the room. He had no idea!
"Brother, sister-in-law's here!"
"You're really high, aren't you? Your sister-in-law is right here!"
"No, not her. It's your sister-in-law!
" "Oh. Why are you here?" "
Why can't I come? Having a good time! Who is she?" Qiqi looked at him coldly.
"A friend. A friend."
"What friend? What are you talking about? Husband!" Lili mumbled, shaking her head... "You've got some good friends. They all call you husband!" "I'm so high. So high. My brain's fried!" Ping Ge blurted out in broken Shanghainese, in a panic!
How to defuse this situation? Normally, it might not be a problem for him. But now, his mind was completely blank.
"You go back first. I'll be back in a bit. I'm still not done! Listen to me!" "It's been months. Still not enough? This isn't like you!" "Alright. When will this end? Are you leaving or not? If not, I'm leaving." Ping staggered out the door. Sitting in the car, he felt a sense of relief.
"I'm over there. I'm waiting for you at the White House." Qiqi's call was simple and clear.
The White House and No. 52 were the hottest bars in Sanlitun back then. Late at night, you could often meet a group of high-spirited friends like Xiao Hei G (what a pity about S) and Sun Xing. The owner, Herry, was from Shanghai. That was also why Qiqi loved going there.
You're always too soft-hearted, too soft-hearted, crying alone until dawn.
You love that person without regret, I know you're not that strong. You're always too soft-hearted, too soft-hearted, carrying all the problems on your own. Loving is always easy, but living together is too difficult. If it's not yours, don't force it. It's late at night, and you still don't want to sleep. Are you still thinking about him? Aren't
you tired of being so infatuated? You know he won't come back to comfort you. You
just want to love someone properly, but unfortunately, he can't give you
full marks. He doesn't understand the value of unnecessary sacrifices. You shouldn't just want to be a good person, oh, forget it. Let it go. Thinking about it is useless. Waiting foolishly won't bring him back. You should think about your future. Ping asked for a bottle of Chivas and quietly listened to this once-popular song. Qiqi sat opposite him. Her frail body sank into the large sofa, making her look even more helpless.
"Tell me. What do you want to do? You weren't like this before!" He was speechless, he was at a loss. He had wanted to break through this barrier for a long time. But now that it had come to this, he didn't know what to choose. Divorce. It wasn't that he hadn't thought about it. But he couldn't forget the sweet and loving days he spent with Qiqi. He couldn't bear to be apart from her. He was also filled with guilt towards Lili. All he wanted now was to become the Monkey King and return to the Qing Dynasty amidst the chanting of the "Prajnaparamita" mantra. Then all his problems would be solved!
"Say something! You're usually so talkative!"
"Give me two months to resolve this." He had no choice but to use delaying tactics.
Lili was a smart woman. She could see that Ping Ge had lost his composure. His eyes were vacant when he ate with her. He drank more alcohol. He often gave her a silly, bitter smile. He spent significantly less time with her. She loved him. She loved him very much. Therefore, she didn't want to make things difficult for him. She didn't want to see him suffer so much in choosing. She chose to escape.
She frequented nightclubs every day. Hot spots. Rolling Stones. Banana. Chinatown. KTV…drugs. Ketamine. Marijuana. These became indispensable to her every night. She was like a noble among vampires, active at night, moving through the city like a ghost. She wished he were Count Dracula. She wanted to be in his arms, sucking her blood dry as he kissed her neck.
Ping had warned her many times, but she showed no sign of restraint. She continued drinking and dancing. Only under the influence of alcohol and drugs could she find fleeting pleasure. Several times, he woke up to find her pillow wet… Ping was stunned. Utterly stunned. He didn't know how to face these two women. He felt guilty towards Qiqi. He was even more ashamed towards Lili. He began to regret his initial impulsiveness. He despised his own cowardice. Actually, he wanted to choose Lili, but he couldn't face the pressure from his family and society.
Finally, one day, Lili collapsed at the Tianzhao Hotel. When Ping arrived, the entrance was filled with Mercedes and BMWs. Everyone was frantically calling, like ants on a hot plate. Their desire to get her out was understandable! After a great deal of effort, they finally got her out. Three days later, they went to the compulsory drug rehabilitation center to pick her up. On the way back, she only said one sentence, "I want to go back to Wuhan!" Ping wanted her to stay. But what good would it do?
"Will you come back?"
"No!"
That night, the two of them went to a revolving restaurant in Kunlun for dinner. Lili liked to lean against the window and look at Beijing under the night sky. The endless stream of cars and the flashing headlights were like stars in the Milky Way, so distant and unattainable. Just when you reach out and seem to grasp it, you let go and it slips away from your hand... She had once been so close to happiness, but she couldn't hold on to it. That night, they both got drunk.
That night, they made love wildly, as if it were the end of the world... Two days later, Lili bought a plane ticket back to Wuhan.
In the waiting hall, they hugged each other tightly. To outsiders, they looked like a couple deeply in love.
Their farewell was unbelievably brief.
"Take care. Call me if anything happens. Find a man who loves you!" "Okay! Take care too!" They saw tears in each other's eyes... When Lili turned to leave, she said something that brought tears to Ping's eyes. He would never forget it... After that, they didn't contact each other much, only exchanging text messages. For a long time, Ping couldn't shake her image. Finally, two years later, he felt he could face her again. He came to Wuhan. The two drank and talked like they had the first time they ate together. From the restaurant to the bar, from the bar to the hotel, they spent a whole day together. When they parted, they agreed to meet again in Beijing in 2008. Later, Ping received a call from her. She said she was getting married. Her husband was also from Beijing, like him. He was very caring and treated her very well. If he had time, he could go to the wedding. Of
course, he would go to her wedding. That day, Ping got drunk. It was the first time he had ever truly gotten drunk in all these years... Lying in the hotel bed, he remembered what Lili had said to him at the airport that year: "
If we meet again in the next life, I will still say to you: 'I love you!'"
[The End]

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