The Paradox of Self-Commitment

page views:1 Publication date:2015-11-11

A course offered by a university in Xi'an requires female students to sign a pledge of premarital chastity and abstaining from extramarital sex. The full text of the pledge reads: "I pledge to myself, my family, my friends, and my future children: I will refuse any form of premarital sex before entering into a lifelong, monogamous marriage. And I will refuse extramarital sex after marriage." A poll on Weibo showed that 85% of netizens opposed the school's action, considering it a matter of personal freedom, while 15% supported it, believing the school was acting in the best interests of the students. (Image source: Sina Weibo @SinaShaanxi) Regarding this

pledge and the requirement for female students to make this pledge, the following questions have been raised: First, is this course only for female students? Is the pledge only required for female students to sign? This course is supposedly called "No Regrets in Youth," but what does chastity have to do with "no regrets in youth"? Does virginity, purity, innocence, and naivety equate to a "no regrets in youth"? Does a man's youth have little to do with chastity, but instead prioritize struggle, hard work, ability (and possibly family background), and the number of relationships and virginity he has? The labeling of "men" and "women" is as simplistic, rigid, dichotomous, and double-standard as girls wearing pink and boys wearing blue. Secondly, why don't men have to participate in the commitment? If it's advocating the importance of chastity, does the fact that men don't have to be chaste mean their "first time" is less precious? Or is it that men's sexual experience is more important than women's? Or is it that men have difficulty controlling their penises, while women should control their sexual desires? Thirdly, if I am a lesbian, does having sex with a woman before marriage (currently only with heterosexuals) count as losing my virginity? Does having extramarital sex with a woman after marriage count as breaking my commitment? Fourthly, what constitutes sexual behavior? Does masturbation by a virgin count as sexual behavior? Does receiving/giving oral or manual sex count as sexual behavior? Does contact with another person's sexual organs count as sexual behavior? Or is it that as long as the hymen is intact, one is considered chaste? Fifthly, if women are all chaste, where do men get their sexual experience? The requirement for chastity only for women is a typical double standard and also implies a logical contradiction. If women are expected to remain chaste before marriage and refrain from extramarital sex after marriage, then men are inevitably limited to remaining chaste or masturbating. If a man sleeps with a woman who has "lost her virginity," then that woman is unmarried and unchaste, and since no man wants to marry a non-virgin, these women who have lost their virginity before marriage will forever lose the right to choose marriage. From any perspective, this is a gender interaction model that benefits men at the expense of women's sexuality. Sixth, if a woman promises to "refuse any form of premarital sex," what happens when sexual crimes occur? The emphasis on chastity can mislead women into overprotecting their "virginity," leading them to risk their lives to preserve their virginity when sexual crimes occur. If women fully understand the blame and shame that will come with losing their virginity, they will resist sexual assault at any cost, thus increasing the harm caused by sexual assault. If the stigmatization of victims and the erection of so-called chastity monuments do not stop, women will have no choice but to give up their lives when faced with sexual crimes. Seventh, what exactly does "chastity" mean? Is it the so-called protection of female students (protecting what?), the purity of women (having sexual experience and personal purity are two different things), or protecting men's "self-esteem" from being outshone by other men, or perhaps, men's possessiveness towards women? Only when women are objectified as possessions will they be required to be "complete" and "clean." Therefore, from this perspective, even if women choose to remain chaste before marriage, it is worth discussing whether this choice should be supported, because the underlying motives must be considered. Religious beliefs, of course, should be respected, but if maintaining one's "chastity" is used to gain a husband's appreciation after marriage, this falls into the trap of male chauvinism to some extent, and creates more market and space for the "virginity complex." Women have many things more worthy of being valued than chastity. Inner qualities and thoughts need no further explanation. Just in terms of sex, if one suppresses oneself sexually, is passive and negative, does not know how to enjoy it, and is unable to create sexual pleasure together, thinking that one can gain a husband's attention simply by being a virgin (who will not be one after a few minutes), then one is being incredibly naive. Some say that if a girl chooses to remain virgin, it's a matter of mutual consent, and it's her freedom. I cannot agree with this. For example, in cases of domestic violence, if the victim doesn't report it or seek help, does that mean we should respect their freedom to hit or be hit? If it's about objectifying women and degrading their sexual needs to satisfy or even glorify male sexual dominance and possessiveness, regardless of the form, it should be opposed. Finally, what's with that promise in the pledge, "I promise myself, my family, my friends, and my future children"? Why do I need to guarantee my parents, uncles, aunts, and nephews that I'm a virgin? What does this have to do with innocent friends? And how can you guarantee I'll have children in the future? Furthermore, if I'm against marriage, how can I maintain premarital virginity?

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